Hysterical Air Tower Instructions... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This sizzling hot new page is from our friend LouiseA. The more we know, the greater our technology, the more astounding God's creation really is! Check it out here... _ooq=""''$b$_&?b\_ .-`^" "'o |&M:MMMMMMMMHo_ o/' -$Mb#MMMMMMMMMMMMMMHo. /' .ooHP*&R&MMMMMMMMMMMMMM?. .' `MRbod?|'`+?##9MMMMMMMMMH\ .` .,MMMMMMH#od##obdMMMMHMMMMMMb - ?MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM$HMMH$ZP*HMMb ? |MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM|9MMMMP "M6\ .- dMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMb]M*' |R | 1| `HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMd#| ?,: MH, ``*""'"*#MMMMMMMMMMMMMM* '` MM6_ |MMMMMMMMMMMMH" : MMMMMb. "MMMMMMMMMMT - &MMMMM' |MMMMMMMMMH ` !MMMMb .HMMMMMMMMM+.?& : TMMMM *MMMMMMMP dH' . : 9MM' `MMMMMMP' "' . 9ML `MMM#' - `H ` : `\. .' `-\ . .- ' ._ .-` '-\. ,b#####p&**^` unknown Earth In Perspective 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/earth2.html --- ...Truly amazing! Thanks LouiseA! I especially liked the one showing our view of the stars vs our galaxy! Mind blowing! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Young Couple As the young couple parked in a crowded lovers lane, she sighed romantically: "Its lovely out here tonight just listen to the crickets." /\ ,, "Those aren't crickets," /\OOOO()= jgs her date replied. ` `` "They're zippers." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Three Weddings A Jewish father, Moisha, was beset by his eldest son Yitzak... "Father, I am going to marry!" His father begins to dance with joy and sing Hava Nagila... "Tell me, is she a good Jewish girl?" says the father. "What is her name?" "O'Brien" replies the son... "She's Catholic..." "Oy!" says the father.... "But are you happy?" "I'm happy," says the son.. "Ok...as long as you're happy.... my blessings to you both," replies Moisha. But the father is still counting on his remaining sons, Schlemiel and Chutzpah... Schlemiel calls on his father the next evening, "Father... I too will be married soon!" Again, Moisha breaks out in a dance and sings God's praises... "What is her name," implores the father? "Kazalopodopolous," says the son. "She's Greek Orthodox..." "Oy," says Moisha... "But are you happy?" "I'm happy, father..." "Ok... then you, too, have my blessing," intones Moisha... Dejected, Moisha goes to the Temple to pray.. "Please God... let my remaining son Chutzpah marry a nice Jewish girl... to raise nice Jewish children in your eyes ... PLEASE!" Chutzpah comes to his father excitedly and exclaims, "Father! I am to wed in the spring!" "Her NAME? WHAT IS HER NAME" his father immediately demands? "Goldberg!" says Chutzpah! Moisha is beside himself with joy! "Praise God! Praise the Prophets!" Turning to Chutzpah, he asks, "Is she Doctor Goldberg's daughter Shelley, from Los Angeles?" "No..." says Chutzpah... "Hmmm," says Moisha... "Must be Attorney Goldberg's daughter Rachel from Hollywood?" "Ah...no, father" says Chutzpah... "Well, then, what is her first name, my youngest, truest, most beautiful Son?" "Whoopi." says Chutzpah. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 19 is National Popcorn Day January 20 is National Buttercrunch Day and Penguin Awareness Day January 21 is National Hugging Day and Squirrel Appreciation Day January 22 is National Blonde Brownie Day January 23 is National Pie Day and National Handwriting Day January 24 is Beer Can Appreciation Day and Compliment Day January 25 is Opposite Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _ ,' '. / \ ^ | _ | ^ | || / \ || | | |||.-.||| | | ||| ||| | | ||| ||| | | ||| ||| | | ||| ||| | | ,' '. | ,'__ __`. /____ | ____\ /_\ |_|_| /_\ .: : : :. : . : . : : :: :: :: : : .: :. : : .: :.: : :. : . : : .: : :: : jrei .: . : : .. >Galaxies The New York Times, among other papers, has published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene... -<>- >Gender of Inanimate Objects You may not know that many non-living things have a gender. For example: 1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. 3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated. 4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air component. 5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. 6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on. 7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. 8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight can shift to the bottom. 9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. 10) Remote Control -- Female. Ha! You thought it'd be Male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying. -<>- >Getting A's A professor stood before his class of senior biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after the summer. I don't want anyone to get their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, so anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam now will receive a 'B' for the course." Naturally, there was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's." -<>- >Good Ol' Boys This IT manager works at a manufacturing plant where, he says, friendship is thicker than employment. "Management has often suspected some of the good ol' boys clocking in their buddies who routinely come in late," he reports. "The union contract specifically stated no surveillance systems are allowed, and management couldn't prove anything until the day one of the gang called in sick shortly after his shift started -- but he was already clocked in!" Plant boss is at his wits' end. But the manager gets an idea. He's already made friends with one of the plant's more popular workers, who likes to tinker with computers, and fish thinks the guy might be willing to help. "I was happy to give him obsolete equipment and help him with computer problems, so we'd built a nice rapport," he says. "And he was an honest fellow -- in fact, he was quite upset that the others were stealing from the company. "So the morning after a long holiday weekend, he went out and stood by the time clock with a laptop and looked up at a dark area of the ceiling 45 feet high. Then he looked at the screen and hit some random keys. "He did this a few times until he made sure some of the workers noticed him out there, and then went back into the office. A little while later, the manager sends the worker out to stand by the clock and wave his hand at the ceiling. After a minute or two, he comes out of the office and tells him, "That's great, thanks." It's not long before other shop workers ask their co-worker what he was doing. "He just replied, 'Oh, nothing,' with a big grin," the manager says. "They said, 'They put in a camera system, didn't they?' to which the worker just replied, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' "Rumors of a surveillance system spread like wildfire. The union obviously couldn't prove that a camera system was installed, because there never was one. "And the good ol' boys stopped clocking in their buddies -- because now they thought they'd get caught for sure." -<>- __|__ _|_ / _ \ __/ (_) \__ ____/_ ======= _\____ ________/ _ \(_)_______(_)/ _ \________ <___+____ (_) | / _ \ | (_) ____+___> O O O \___/ | (_) | \___/ O O O \__\_______/__/ >Grandpa's Driving Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say, 'Idiot!' afterwards." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >SMILES Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had 'glued' her to the toilet seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. Lucy pushed and Charlie pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie unscrewed the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like THIS before." The doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed." -------- Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Shirley says, "Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Abe says, "Do I care?" A few minutes later Shirley says, "Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Abe says, "Who cares?" A few more minutes pass and Shirley says, "Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Abe says, "Shirley, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't move your butt, we're going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds. -------- Vito and Juliana were having their usual battle of the genders. "Italian men are all stupid," screamed Juliana. "Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an Italian man who invented the toilet seat!" "And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman who thought of putting a hole in it!" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) -------______ | ) +++++. | \' ental+ | Q rgeon+ | )C ~\/\ +++++' | \\_ \ ___ | \_77 |\ | EJM 96 | |`` \ \ | ------- """ ~ ~ o-o >A Classic MY NAME IS MARY, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL 'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. 'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?' 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALDING, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-BUTT, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-GUN ASKED ME "WHAT DID YOU TEACH? -<>- >Life's little twist's. THE WILL Doug Smith is on his deathbed andknows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and his two sons arewith him. He asks for 2 witnesses to bepresent and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all isready he begins to speak: * "My son, Bernie, I wantyou to take the Mayfair houses." * "My daughter Sybil, youtake the apartments over in the east end." * "My son, Jamie, I want youto take the offices over in the City Centre." * "Sarah, my dear wife,please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river." The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away,the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such ahard-working man to have accumulated all this property." Sarah replies, "Property?...the jerk had a paper route!" -<>- >Another Classic - A Sad Minnesota Passing .=~~~~~~~=. {:.. } \::._:._.:. / `~| O |~` .'`~~~~~~~`'. / o o \ : )(_)( ; \ '.___.' / `.,__`=' _,.' jgs /__\V/__\ /\\ / / \ \/`\/ Please join me in remembering a great icon of the Entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday in Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in he belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not regarded as a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and served as a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 min. If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and pass this on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift. --- ...LMAO! Too Rich! Thanks PatDeE! --- ...LOL! So funny! Thanks PatDeE! He's also a member of that notorious - no pants gang! Check out this crazy news story: http://tinyurl.com/lt7uxnc ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Icicles are dangerous. Anybody can tell you that. They can damage your house. They can drop down from the edge of your roof and puncture your skull! They can throw exciting parties when you're not around and drink all of your booze. Okay, that last one is unlikely, but nobody hates icicles more than one Kentucky man who risked everything in his crusade against the clinging, frozen menace. Not content to simply knock them down with a broom or a shovel, this unnamed homeowner terminated the icicle menace threatening his house with extreme prejudice. Extreme prejudice and a blow torch. I think you can guess how this story turns out. Firefighters were called to the home to find smoke pouring from the roof of the home. They were able to extinguished the blaze, but not before the roof and attic, as well as a new addition to the home, were heavily damaged. The homeowner told fire officials he was worried family members might be injured by icicles hanging from the roof of his home, so he used a blowtorch to melt them...and then promptly left home to run errands. "He was concerned about the icicles and the ice causing damage to his home and/or anybody walking under it - his kids or anyone - if they fall," said the fire chief. "Obviously, you want to remove them as safely as you can. Breaking them off is what most people do. Choosing to use a torch to melt them, in hindsight, he probably agrees is not the best idea." *-- 'Picked on' fish gets a prosthetic eye --* VANCOUVER, British Columbia (UPI) - Canada's Vancouver Aquarium said a copper rockfish was outfitted with a prosthetic eye to keep him from being "picked on" by underwater bullies. Aquarium officials said the rockfish had one of his eyes surgically removed two years ago when a case of cataracts failed to heal and he has lately been acting distressed at the bottom of his tank. "Before the prosthetic, he was being hurt and quite uncomfortable because he was picked on," Dr. Martin Haulena, head veterinarian at the aquarium, told Global News. "What's been observed with fish that are missing an eye is other fish take advantage of that ... they kind of go to that blind side, steal food and pick on [them]." "It's a well-known thing that there is natural aggression as different species kind of vie for the best space and habitat they're in, so that kind of aggression is very very normal," he said. The prosthetic was an eye designed for taxidermied fish. Haulena said the surgery is not unheard of at similar facilities but was the first of its kind at the aquarium. "Ever since we put in the prosthetic the fish is right back in the mid-water column, interacting with other fish," the veterinarian said. "He's more robust. Everybody, including the fish, seem a lot happier now." A second rockfish underwent the same procedure and returned to display at the Vancouver International Airport. *-- Boa constricter emerges from office toilet in San Diego --* SAN DIEGO (UPI) - A full-sized boa constrictor slithered out of a toilet at a public relations firm in Southern California last week, according to a press release from the company. When Stephanie Lacsa, co-founder for Vertical PR + Marketing, noticed a higher-than-usual water level in one of the San Diego office building's toilets last Wednesday, she went to work with a plunger. Something then began to emerge from the toilet drain. "I thought my eyes were deceiving me," Lacsa said, according to a statement from the firm published on San Diego Animal Control's Facebook page. "But as soon I saw the flicker of its tongue, I definitely knew that it was in fact a large snake heading straight toward me." The snake was a Colombian Rainbow Boa, a non-venomous constrictor native to South America. At 5-feet long, the boa was at average full-grown length. Lasca said she shrieked and ran from the bathroom, taping up the door until animal control arrived and captured the snake. "The animal control officer said that she had never witnessed anything like this in her career," Lasca said, according to the statement. "She referred to the incident as 'The Stuff of Urban Legends' and I would have to agree." Holly Wells, Lasca's co-worker and the co-founder of Vertical PR + Marketing, noted that the office was very old. "Our building, which is the Old San Diego City Hall, was built in 1886 so we are accustomed to the old pipes and stubborn plumbing," she said, according to the release. "But we were definitely not prepared for this." San Diego Animal Control said Friday in a comment on its Facebook page that the boa was claimed by a friend of the owner, and that its name was "Bella." Boa constrictors are considered an invasive species in places such as Florida, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, where they thrive in the subtropical climate and are mostly introduced through "escape or release by pet owners." While it does not list boa constrictors as one of the state's invasive species, the California Department of Fish and Wildlife notes, "Some of the animals that are currently, or were in the past, brought into California as sources of food, fur, or pets have turned into major pests." *-- Robber recognizes clerk, gives thumbs up --* WHEAT RIDGE, Colo. (UPI) - Authorities in Colorado said an alleged robber abandoned his plans when he recognized the clerk and decided to instead give a "thumbs up" and rob another store. The Jefferson County Sheriff's Office said the man was disguising his face with a bandana and the hood of his blue jacket when he walked into the Quick Save store in Wheat Ridge just before 12 p.m. Tuesday. "[Expletive], I was going to rob this place but I know you." the sheriff's office quoted the suspect as saying to the clerk, "Do you know me?" The clerk responded that he did not recognize the suspect, who said "Good" and exited the store with a "thumbs up" aimed at the worker. The incident was recorded by a CCTV camera, the sheriff's office said. "File this in the You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up File," the sheriff's office said on its Facebook page. A suspect matching the same description robbed a 7-Eleven store in nearby Arvada shortly after the aborted crime, investigators said. The sheriff's office has released the CCTV video and still images of the suspect in the hope he can be identified by members of the public. *-- 'Star Wars' stormtrooper armor blocked snake bite --* YALBOROO, Australia (UPI) - An Australian man taking a nearly 10,000-mile walk across the country in his Star Wars stormtrooper costume said the armor saved him from a deadly snake bite. Scott Loxley, whose 9,320-mile walk across Australia is aimed at raising money for the Monash Children's Hospital in Melbourne, said he was leaving Yalboroo, Queensland, Wednesday on his way to Mackay when he spotted what appeared to be a dead snake at the side of the road. "He's lunged at me and bit me. But the good news is the armor -- he bit me in the shin -- and the armor actually protected me and stopped the bite," Loxley said. "I could feel the teeth scraping on the plastic, but the armor actually stopped something." Loxley said the stormtrooper armor, long criticized by fans of the franchise as ineffective against attacks ranging from laser blasts to rocks thrown by Ewoks, proved it was in some way effective. "So all those people that rag on the old stormtrooper because you know, the armor doesn't do this, it doesn't do that ... it stopped a snake bite and probably saved my life today," he said. Loxley said the snake appeared to be a king brown snake, ranked as the sixth deadliest snake in Australia by the Australian Geographic. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend gh0striders :) _.--._ \ ** / (<>) . ) ( . )\_.._/ /\ \_.._/( (*_<>_ _<>_*) )/ '' \ \/ / '' \( ' ) ( ' ( ) ) ( (<>) / ** \ /.-..-.\ >The Speeding Pope After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a Cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. (Remember, he's German.) "Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," says the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop. The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence. The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" Cop: "Bigger." Chief : "The Governor?" Cop: "Bigger." Chief: "The President?" Cop: "Bigger." "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?" Cop: "I think it's God!" The Chief is stumped, " You been drinking, John? " Cop: " No Sir." Chief: " Then what makes you think it's God?". Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur." -<>- ## _[]_ [____] .----' '----. .===| .==. |===. \ | /####\ | / / | \####/ | \ '===| `""` |===' .===| .==. |===. \ | /::::\ | / / | \::::/ | \ '===| `""` |===' .===| .==. |===. \ | /&&&&\ | / / | \&&&&/ | \ '===| `""` |===' jgs '--.______.--' >The Light Turned Yellow The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car." Priceless -<>- >S O M E T I M E S Sometimes....when you cry.... No one sees your tears. Sometimes....when you are in pain.... No one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried.... No one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.... No one sees your smile. . z$$$$$e. .$$$$$$$$$c -r d $$$$$$$$$$$. *c. 'L 4$$$$$$$$$$$F 4c "*e. "%c ^$$$$$$$$$$$F "b ^b "* *$$$$$$$$$$ .. P $ J" ^*$$$$$$$$\e$$$e. d" .F z" "*$$$P".$$$$$$$c d% J" .d" .P $$$$$$$$$$e. $ P z*" .d" $$$$$$$$$$$$b. ^*ee... " zP" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$ee.. ^""* .d" .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$eee......eeedec. e* .ze z$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b. .P" .z@*" z$$$$$""*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c ^ eP"" d$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ " .d$$$$P" ^"*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ****$eee .$$$$$* ^"$$$$$$$$$$*$$$$$$$$$$$" ec. .z$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$*" ""**ec. .zed$$$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$*" "" .d$$$$$$$P" .d$$$$$$$*" z$$$$$$$$" .$$$$$$$*" d$$$$$*" z$$$$" .$$$$$ Gilo94' But FART !! Just ONE friggin' time..... And everybody notices!! And You thought this was going to be one of those Heart-touching stories! Send this on to your friends if they Need a Laugh -<>- ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland >Hysterical Air Tower Instructions Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight." A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked,"What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff?" A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):"Because you lost the bloody war!" Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers." One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said: “What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one." The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short- tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206: (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land." While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the heck are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every crew pit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?" --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks gh0striders! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-""""-. |== ==|-. |~~ ~~~|`\\ |LILILI| || | |// | |/ | | jgs __|______|__ [____________] A man driving in Southern Indiana, heading for Kentucky, saw a sign that read: "LAST CHANCE FOR $1.55 GAS!!!" He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank cheap. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "So, how much IS gas in Kentucky?" The man replied, "A buck and a quarter." -<>- Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why American have not adopted it: A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers. Put your best .3 of a meter forward. Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child. Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure. Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers. Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers. -<>- After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer-by told me there was a service station a half-mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun. The attendant filled my two-gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car; I had filled a stranger's gas tank. Wearily I walked back to the station. "You know," the atten- dant suggested helpfully, "instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here." -<>- "How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?" -<>- Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co- worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot." -<>- [A reader, inspired by last week's metric conversions, sent in the following list. Thanks to Michelle S.] Metric Conversion Chart 10**12 Microphones = 1 Megaphone 10 cards = 1 decacards 10 rations = 1 decoration 10 millipedes = 1 centipede 8 nickles = 2 paradigms 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent 10 monologs = 5 dialogues 2 monograms = 1 diagram 2 snake eyes = 1 paradise -<>- __,-O< ,-- --. \. -=' -' \ __\\O- ,--- --. `^ / ). __,-O< \ __,-O< ,-- ----' `. `\) __)\O-__ )/ ,--( ,;:. _) / `^ _)\O< / (_ .:;:;. | | `^ :;';.;:' |_ |_ | ';\||' ______/=\\______/=\\_______| JML ap :| '-'-'-[=]/'-'-'-[=]/'-'-'-/'.=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:= -'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ '. | '-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ .-' .--.--. |/| -'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ _.-'.-: .; .;|;. ;. |/|/ ___ ___ |' _.'\ :|--|--|- .;_;' ';_;. --|--|--|/|/ |] [|_|_|] [|_|_|] | |\ | \:|--|--| ; ;' '; ; -|--|--|/ |] [|_|_|] [|_|_|] | | \|--' ;; .--.___.--. ;; _______________________| |.-' ;-[ O )=( O ]-; |/| ( `--' | `--' ) ____.-". |/|/ \| ( |/ ;( ,__.)/=' |/|/ . .:::::. . ; |/ \| |/|/ . '---' . \ | |/|/ |`. .'| ` `|/|/ ,-------/| `...' |\-------, |--|--|--|/|/ ,' | `. ,' | `, |--|--|--|/ / \ /'. ,'\ / \ ; |/ \ / \| ; ; ; / ' |. ' \ \; ; ; `-' | `-' MJP A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. -<>- The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and gender. The personnel office sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or gender. However, we have a few alcoholics." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Best Of National Geographic 2012 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/natgeo2012.html Detroit Autorama http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitauto.html Pucker Up, Baby! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html Men Will Be Boys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html MacGyver - How To Do It 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver4.html Life's Little Oops 8! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html Volvo Lego Car! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legocar.html Undersea Restaurant! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html Moon Photography Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonart.html Thoughts Into Action! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action.html Baby Thoughts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html -<>- >From AFA: Are you looking for a tour that will help you capture the deep, rich, Christian heritage of our country and the people who founded it? If you are, then our Spiritual Heritage Tour is for you. 2015 Washington DC and Mount Vernon Tours http://www.spiritualheritagetours.com/ -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) View of Night Landing at Chicago O'hare International Airport This is one of the better flying Videos because it is in an accelerated time frame thus it is short. It is a beautiful night in Chicago with wonderful views of the area. The most notable part is that after landing the taxi routes appear to be very confusing. Believe me they are much more complex than the approaches. Very demanding in order to handle massive amounts of ground traffic. The ground controller has one of the most demanding jobs in aviation and he is only good for 45 minutes before he must be relieved. You have no time to reply to taxi instructions and if you screw up you cause instantaneous grid lock and are sent to a holding area (called the penalty box). The next time they talk to you, you better get it right. Quite an experience especially when the visibility is 100 feet.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgMtZwpGLJE --- ...Awesome! PatDeE! How to Properly Boycott the Jewish People http://tinyurl.com/my7v2u9 --- ...HaHa! A Good One! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Journey to Africa where we meet up with Kevin Richardson, one of the most passionate fighters to save the lions both as individuals and as a species. Watch as he plays with the lions, shows us the savanna, and even introduces us to some other wild animals of Africa along the way! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MNCzSfv4hX8 There's a stereotype out there that says cats and dogs are natural enemies. That's not what I see here in this emotional, adorable video. A pit bull puppy was abandoned at birth. They couldn't find a surrogate mom, so they brought in a kind cat. You just have to watch this ultra-cute story. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvogBydUd9E&feature=player_embedded Beautiful nature and wildlife footage by National Geographic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Hodomt6bBOw Called "Return of the Cicadas," Samuel Orr's film highlights the cicada's 17-year lifespan from birth to death. The film includes time-lapse footage of the changing seasons. He also shot the cicadas at every stage of their lives, like when they break through and shed their exoskeletons. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rQjfj9sC-_4 --- ...Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) The Empty Pickle Jar Inspirational Movie | Simple Truths http://play.simpletruths.com/movie/the-empty-pickle-jar/store/ --- ...Sweet! Thanks Fran! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, 'I gotta find that blind guy. I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't find him." -Jimmy Fallon "A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel "Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as 'single.'" -Seth Meyers "Fifteen states across the country have gas prices that have dipped below $2. That means it's now cheaper to buy a gallon of liquefied dinosaurs than one cup of coffee at Starbucks." -Jimmy Fallon "Nike announced that this year it will sell self-lacing tennis shoes. By the way, if you're too lazy to lace up your tennis shoes you're really going to hate tennis." -Conan O'Brien "Yesterday was New York's 14th annual no-pants subway ride. Of course, if you want to see a bunch of people riding the subway without pants, today works too." -Seth Meyers "Here in California today, they broke ground on the construction of a high-speed bullet train that will allow people to travel from L.A. to San Francisco in less than three hours. Until it's built we'll have to settle for flying there in 90 minutes." -Jimmy Kimmel "The FDA is warning New Yorkers about Chinese food after a major Brooklyn distributor was found with rats and birds nesting in boxes of ingredients. The distributor says it's all a misunder- standing - those ARE the ingredients." -Seth Meyers "A guy had a job and it turned out he didn't show up for 25 years. Finally, his boss discovered he wasn't showing up and fired him. So let this be a lesson to you kids out there. If you don't go to work for 25 years, you're gonna get fired." -Dave Letterman "According to a new report that just came out, the average college freshman reads at a seventh grade level. Or if you're an optimist, every seventh grader now reads at a college freshman level." -Conan O'Brien "This week hackers stole over $5 million in bitcoins from a Slovenia-based bitcoin exchange. If it's not safe to keep your money in a Slovenian bitcoin exchange, where CAN you keep your money?" -Jimmy Fallon "In Las Vegas, the Consumer Electronics Show is going on. It displays new technology that makes you already hate the TV you bought two weeks ago for Christmas." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************