I Believe In Miracles And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' Updates.. _______ / ) /_____ | ______ ( ' ) / / __\ _____ |. '| / | \ | / )) |____|/ |`-----' /_____)) `-----' `------' cf Our friend BEELER sent us a delicious sounding recipe for corn bread muffins! Check it out here... Corn Bread MUFFINS By BEELER http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html --- ...Thanks BEELER! I've been wanting a good corn bread recipe - this one sounds easy and YUMMY! ======================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: A Congressmen's Lunch .;;;;;. .3333o ;;;` e\ /a Y33 ;;( > < )33 /\\ _< o@*O@o >_ .-/ /\ ||/'--( *O\@/o )--'\|| || \ \ _ > < _ / / || || \ \| |~| / \ |~| |/ / || || \ '-'__...._|_|__\___/__|_|_...__'-' / || || '--/` `\--' || ||.--'` | | `'--.|| || | | || ||'===== '--...._________________.....--' ====='|| ||.-"""""-.||| | | |||.-"""""-.|| || || || | | ||| || || ||-'|| ||__|__ __|__||| ||'-|| || jgs ||_.___) (___._||| || A pair of congressmen met for lunch to hash out their political differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted. "Of course I'm lying," the other said, "but hear me out." ================================================================= +---------- Even More Bizarre October Holidays -----------+ October 16 is Dictionary Day October 17 is Gaudy Day October 18 is No Beard Day October 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day October 20 is National Brandied Fruit Day October 21 is Babbling Day October 22 is National Nut Day October 23 is National Mole Day October 24 is National Bologna Day October 25 is Punk For A Day Day ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: | | | | | | |.-. | , .-. _.--.'/ :__ :, `\ ;"`.\/ `"\ J ""/_\,_..._ :} \ } o o F {(`,}\ `""-..__.'/ \/ | `-'| \--"""*--...-' ; /`. ; `. ; \ }. `-' /\ \ \ `. _..-" \ `-- / \_ /`,-"`. /`. { \.--" `"""" `"._/ `--' `" ,--..._ .' .-. `""--. _./`-. `-' __/| F `"--i_ `. \|========/`"\ `-. `"--.__.'`|J / /SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssss.._ _/ _ () | ! {._ / YS !__./ \ | / /.-.\SSSss...__ __.=P / `""--.__!' :| |:`"""""^^SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSP^^"" \ :`""""-----------..........!!_!!______ \ ! `"""""""""--------....._____: `"""""""""""----------........._________ | `"""""""------......______! fsc >I Believe in Miracles! Now I truly believe that there is such a thing as miracles. The reason I have come to this conviction is that the absolutely most unlikely thing has occurred in my life. The phone company sent me a check. When I first received it I was suspicious. You know how some shady companies will send you a check with a letter that says, "YOU have been PRE-APPROVED for 1,000 dollars CASH MONEY! That's right, Occupant, just cash this check and use the money for home improvements, that VACATION you've been mean- ing to take or even a NEW CAR! All you have to do is take this check TO THE BANK and CASH it! You know you want to, what are you waiting for?" Of course, once you cash it they sock you with a 28.5 percent compound interest rate and put your name and address on every single solicitation list in the United States and Canada. If you do manage to pay the $13,000 dollars in interest charges you'll be getting cold calls from here 'til doomsday. So hoping to avoid such a scam I called their number and made an inquiry. Now here's the bizarre part...not only was it really the phone company, but it was from my last address. I haven't lived there for almost three years. It seems they had a rate cut and gave their customers a retro-active refund. I can only think of one solution. The FCC must really be on their butts. Laugh it up, Joe --- ...Of course, this reminds me of this FUN song... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOl4oeHZnBk AND This Soooo FUNNY one... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-p8bOoFlPo&NR=1 -<>- I was sitting on the sofa with my teenage son, discussing his day at school. "Mom," he said, "there's going to be a dance at the school this Friday and it's going to be formal. Could I get a new pair of sneakers?" -<>- ()(),~~,. .. ___; ) =`= (_. jb My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Tell you the truth, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's." -<>- During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid." -<>- "A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead." - Stan Laurel Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, "Get out! We don't serve your type here." What did Mr. Potato Head say after he was attacked by the headhunters? "I've been scalloped!" -<>- ()(),~~,. .. ___; ) =`= (_. jb Robinson Crusoe style, the shipwrecked golfer made the best of his tiny island. When a cruise liner spotted his distress signals and sent a boat to investigate, the landing party was amazed to find a crude but recognizable nine-hole course which the castaway had played with driftwood woods, whalebone and coral putter and balls carved out of pumice stone. "Quite a layout," said the officer in charge of the rescuers. "You're too kind, it's very rough and ready," the goatskin- clad golfer responded. Then he smiled slyly: "I am however, quite proud of the water hazard." -<>- What was the convenience store clerk's reaction when Satan came in and asked for a lemon lime soda? He gave the Devil his Dew. -<>- Why in America do we have a general in charge of the post office, and a secretary in charge of defense? They say that love makes the world go around, but then so does a good swallow of tobacco juice. Sign seen on a plastic surgeon's window: "Come in and pick your nose!" You know you are a college student when you collect Taco Bell sauce to use as "salsa" on your chips and frozen burritos. -<>- ()(),~~,. .. ___; ) =`= (_. jb A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. "You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them." "All right," said the farmer. "I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She's been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board." "Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad. "Yeah," the farmer said. "There's a half-wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco." "A ha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that half-wit!" "You're talkin' to him," said the farmer. -<>- Sometime back during prohibition Bing and Bob developed a powerful thirst for some moonshine. Bing said, "I have a brother who lives up in the Carolina hills who has just finished setting up a little operation. Perhaps he'd let us try out some of his first batch of hooch." The two buddies hit the road to Carolina and tracked down Bing's brother just as he was drawing off the first bottle of whiskey. "Here, try this and tell me if you think it's aged enough," said the novice moonshiner. Bob, took a swig, made a sour face, and quickly pronounced, "Crosbie's still's mash is young." =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Patriot Update Newt Sounds off on Obama Birth Certificate http://tinyurl.com/2fo3vbj --- ...Even more interesting is the reader comments here! Man Streaks in Front of Obama for $1 Million http://tinyurl.com/248ohxz Message from Newt http://tinyurl.com/282jqyf New Bush Book & More http://tinyurl.com/299z95l 72,000 Stimulus Checks Sent to the Dead? http://tinyurl.com/26rv4el -<>- >From Taipan Daily: Taipan Daily: The Federal Reserve Is Deaf, Dumb and Blind http://tinyurl.com/25egc5j -<>- >From WorldNet Daily: Despite its history of friendly relations with Israel, the U.S. has been aiding Palestinian Authority construction in areas where the work could tilt the outcome of Mideast negotiations in favor of the Palestinians. http://p2tre.emv3.com/HS?a=DNX7CqliF5M58SA9MKJLOA_nGHxKLMzfYA2K -<>- >From Grassfire: I want to tell you about five conservative women who could literally change the direction of our nation. #1 -- Sarah Palin The former Alaska governor"s national platform has continued to grow and her endorsement during the primary season has proven to have the Midas touch. It can be argued that Sarah Palin is the most well-known and influential conservative leader in the nation today. #2 -- Sharron Angle She won the Nevada Republican Senate primary as the Tea Party-supported candidate and now is engaged in one of the most watched Senate elections against Majority Leader Harry Reid. The latest Mason Dixon poll puts Angle and Reid in a dead-heat with Angle winning independent voters by 20 percent. Should Angle win, she will immediately become one of the most prominent conservative leaders in the nation. #3 -- Michele Bachmann Why has a congresswoman from Minnesota become one of the favorite targets of the liberal attack machine? Because she has dared to stand for the values that make this nation great -- and because she is a conservative woman. One liberal talk host went so far as to say that Bachmann "would have gladly rounded up the Jews in Germany and shipped them off to death camps." It is amazing how low the Left will go to disparage a woman who dares to stand in the public square as a true conservative. #4 -- Jan Brewer Arizona"s governor has stood with the people of her state in bringing one of the strongest and most direct challenges to the Obama Administration to date. Her leadership has caused millions across this nation to gain an even stronger resolve to stand for what is right in our nation. #5 --Women in YOUR family It is no accident that I have placed the women in your family on this list. I am convinced that we have reached a historic "tipping point" and the fate of our nation may well rest in the arms of women who stand for values and freedom. That's why I am inviting you to join thousands of women across the country who are taking a stand and saying, "I'm Conservative And I Will Vote!" Our records show that you have not yet joined with CWA in this important effort. Please go here to join with other conservative women who are taking a stand: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=33513&RID=25910892 Then, please encourage likeminded women to join with you. And perhaps most importantly, please be in prayer for our nation and the brave women who have stepped directly into the crosshairs of the liberal attack machine. May God bless you and may God bless our nation. Penny Nance Chief Executive Officer -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Gator sobers up in drunk tank -------------- PIERRELATTE - French police said an escaped alligator was brought in by a woman and spent the night in the jail's drunk tank. Police in Pierrelatte said a woman found the Chinese alligator, which measured only about 3 feet long, outside of a restaurant Tuesday and brought it to the police station, Radio France Internationale reported. The reptile, which does not have strong enough jaws to attack humans, spent the night in a cell designed for drunk suspects and the following day was returned to a nearby crocodile farm. Samuel Martin, who runs the crocodile farm, said the alligator escaped two months ago with another reptile that is still on the loose. -- Cash flies from back of armored car ----------- INDIANAPOLIS - Motorists and passersby took to an Indiana- polis street to retrieve money that spilled onto the road from the back of an armored car, officials said. Indiana- polis police said they do not know what caused the armored car to drop bundles of cash on the street at about 7:30 a.m. Wednesday in the city's downtown. There have been no official estimates on how much cash was originally in the vehicle and how much was lost, the Indianapolis Star report- ed. Police credited Timothy Wentworth, 53, and his wife, Viki, for calling 911 and helping to secure the money in their van until police arrived. "People were having a field day when I pulled up," Timothy Wentworth said. 'At first I didn't know what it was but when I saw it was cash I figured I better call police." He said officers told him about $20,000 was lost during the incident. -- Man yells at parrot, jailed for weekend --------- EDINBURGH, Scotland - A 19-year-old Scottish man who admitted to threatening his grandmother's parrot for interrupting his sleep was ordered to apologize with chocolates. Stefan McKinsley, 19, pleaded guilty Monday to a breach of the peace after his grandmother called police Friday at 2:45 a.m. and said the teenager was intoxicated and hitting the parrot's cage, Britain's The Daily Telegraph reported Monday. Prosecutors said McKinsley, who threatened the bird with violence if it did not quiet down and allow him to sleep in the spare room, did not calm down after his grandmother placed a cloth over the parrot's cage. McKinsley, who spent the weekend in jail, was sentenced by Edinburgh Sheriff Court to buy his grandmother a box of chocolates as an apology. -- Mom calls 911 to enforce bed time ------------- BOSTON - A Boston mother said her frustration at her 14-year-old son's late night video game playing led her to call police emergency for help in speaking to him. Angela Mejia, 49, said she has been concerned about the amount of time her son spends playing games in the violent "Grand Theft Auto" series and her frustration reached a head when she found him playing at 2:30 a.m. Saturday, hours after he had been instructed to go to bed, the Boston Herald reported. "I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the light on in his bedroom," she said. Mejia said she and her son engaged in an argument that culminated with her unplugging his PlayStation and calling 911. "I called (police) because if you don't respect your mother, what are you going to do in your life?" she said. The mother said police officers responded and were able to convince her son to call it a night. "They (police) were just like, 'Chill out. Go to bed,'" the boy said. --- ...DrPhil would say - 'why does the boy have the game then?' -- Scientist: Angels can't fly ----------------- LONDON - A London scientist has authored a paper arguing angels as classically depicted, mostly-human forms with wings, would be unable to fly. Professor Roger Wotton of University College London wrote in his paper, which was published by the school's Opticon magazine, that human- appearing angels with feathered bird-like wings would not be able to use the wings for flight, The Daily Telegraph reported. "Even a cursory examination of the evidence in representational arts shows that angels and cherubs cannot take off and cannot use powered flight," Wotton wrote. "And even if they used gliding flight, they would need to be exposed to very high wind velocities at take off -- such high winds that they would be blown away and have no need for wings." Wotton's paper also took aim at fantasy depictions of fairies with the wings of butterflies. "The distortion of the thorax needed for flight in fairies with butterfly wings would be exceedingly uncomfortable," the paper read. "For sure, fairies don't fly." --- ...Well, now, isn't he the party pooper?!! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend DonnL :) INTERESTING _ )_ `. )_ `. \ )_ `. `| )_ `.` / )_ `-.` | )_ `-.` ` \ )_.- ` ` \ )_.-` ` \ )_.-`\ /\ \ )_.-| \O \ | \ \ _ / / \ _ ) `-._ / /O\ /O\ \ _.-` ( ) `-/ `-' `-' \-` ( ) _.-| __ |-._ ( )_.-` \ .-' `-._ / `-._( LGB \ `-.__.--`/ `-._ _.-" Goldfish Sink http://www.buffaloschips.com/30704.htm --- Can You Jump Rope Like This? This was taken at the Naval Academy at half time of a basketball game. http://soonereyo.blip.tv/#1762059 --- How Old Will You Be? http://www.sonnyradio.com/realage3.swf === Our National Parks Only in America do we have such Diversivied sights! Sit back, relax, and enjoy the beauty of nature and background music. After centering the first picture, no further scrolling needed. The picture will change every few seconds. It is a little long but worth every minute of it. http://mybeautifulamerica.com/nationalparks.htm --- .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ## .. #### ##.............## ## ##.............## ## ##.............## ## ##.............### ##...........## ############# ############# ################# -Berry- The "illusion" is that this is just a picture of coffee beans; but it is not. Can you find a man's face among the beans? Some say that if you find the man in 3 seconds or less, the right half of your brain may be more well developed than most. This is NOT a Trick http://www.cleanjoke.com/humor/Coffee-Face.html --- Cool Wave Illusion http://tinyurl.com/24nk74d --- Shadow Swim Outfit http://tinyurl.com/2bz69rx --- This one really stumps me. If you can figure out how she does it please let me know! I never even touched the cursor on my chosen number. Once I did not even follow the directions, I just looked at the number and she still got it! This will drive you crazy! Re-gifting Robin http://www.regiftable.com/RegiftingRobinPopUp.html --- ' * . * ' * * * '* * * * * * Believe it or not, all of the statistics in the lyrics are accurate. Turn up the sound. (I loved this one and think you will like it too. This clever piece originated in Australia It is so very well done most folks don't realize how much info he is sharing! Just click once on the link below or paste it Speakers on. Photos by NASA. Enjoy Your Journey....! !! Galaxy http://dingo.care2.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf --- ...Yes! I do so love this one! Thanks DonnaL! ================================================================== >-->From Laugh And Lift: ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' >Why Did God Make Dogs? (Author Unknown) Why did God make dogs? I don't think it was accidental, so why do you suppose hounds are around? Recently, I watched an elderly woman trying to recover from a stroke. Her brain was damaged, and her arm was weak, so her therapist brought, of all things, a dog to help out. Instead of completing monotonous drills, the elderly patient threw a bright red Frisbee across the room, and the dog bounced over, picked it up, and brought it back, his eyes begging, "Throw it again, please!" And she did, over and over and over, forgetting that she was actually working quite hard. What possessed God to make dogs anyway? Certainly there are exceptions, and certainly people can breed dogs to bring out the worst in them, but in general, there is nothing more selfless, loving or patient than a dog. Mistreat it and it comes back to you anyway. Ignore it and it never gives up hope that you will be its friend again. Make it wait days to go play, and it will still be ready. It offers you friendship and companionship and in return asks only for food, water and an occasional scratch behind the ears. Why would God bother to make such a creature? I suppose that if dogs were like people they would eventually give up on us ... but they never do. A dog's love is almost impossible to destroy, because it's not a love you earn; it's simply a love you are given. In other words, dogs love unconditionally. Unconditional love; unending patience; faithfulness to the very end. Do you suppose, just perhaps, that God made dogs to show us a little something about Himself? Do you think maybe "man's best friend" is really pointing us to the One who is truly our very Best Friend? "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge." (Psalm 19:1-2 NIV) -<>- ____ '-..-' .-. ___||___ .-/ /-. /_______/| / / / / | || / / / / | o |/ / / / / '---`(--' Pru />>=<FRANCIS DRAKE'S PRAYER Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, When our dreams have come true Because we dreamed too little, Because we sailed too close to the shore. Disturb us, Lord, when With the abundance of things we possess We have lost our thirst For the waters of life!! Having fallen in love with life, We have ceased to dream of eternity And in our efforts to build a new earth, We have allowed our vision Of the new Heaven to dim. Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, To venture on wilder seas Where storm will show Your mastery; Where losing sight of land, We shall find the stars. We ask You to push back The horizons of our hopes; And to push us in the future In strength, courage, hope, and love. This we ask in the name of our Captain, who is Jesus Christ. Amen. -<>- >Quick Jokes ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB A woman went to the counter to purchase a drinking bowl for her dog. The clerk asked, "Would you like it inscribed 'For The Dog'?" "It doesn't really matter," she replied. "My husband doesn't drink water and the dog can't read." -------- Little Johnny went to visit the local police station. On the wall were pictures of men under a sign, "10 Most Wanted." Little Johnny asked the policeman, "Are these men mean?" "Yes," replied the policeman, "and we're going to catch every one of them and put them in jail." Little Johnny replied, "Why didn't you keep 'em in jail the day you took their picture?" -------- ,', ,', ', ,' ', ,' ,----'--------------------------. ,----'--------------------------. ('''|```|```|```|```|```|```|``|` | ('''|```|```|```|```|```|```|``|``| |---'---'---'---'---'---'---'--'--| |---'---'---'---'---'---'---'--'--| __,_ ______ ______ |___,_ ______ ______ jg |__ '---'(O)(O)'---------'(O)(O)'---' '---'(O)(O)'---------'(O)(O)'---' Julek Gedek On the local railway, children age 10 and under travel at half-price. As the conductor began checking tickets, a woman sitting next to her daughter told her daughter, "Now remember, you are only 10." The girl nodded her head. The conductor approached and asked the girl, "How old are you?" "Ten, sir." "And when will you be 11?" "When I get off this train!" -<>- >Musings on Life from One That's Lived A Bit ()___ ()//__/)_________________() ||(___)//#/_/#/_/#/_/#()/|| ||----|#| |#|_|#|_|#|_|| || ||____|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|#||/|| jgs || |#|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|| - How in the world are you supposed to foldd a fitted sheet? - Map Quest really needs to start their dirrections on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. - Obituaries would be a lot more interestinng if they told you HOW the person died. - You never know when it will strike, but tthere comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. - Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. - I'm always slightly terrified when I exitt out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I'm sure I did not make any changes to. - I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. - I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. - I love the sense of camaraderie when an eentire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! - Even under ideal conditions people have ttrouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! - Despite what they tried to tell us in Geoometry, I have yet to have a need in life to go out and measure a flagpole... SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: Did you swear the witness in Ralf? \ `, ___ # |/ ? Well, he Was swearing... | , )\ / /__/\ \____ ##### ,- / \_/ \ _/_ #### /\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=## ) "\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\- /_ )# \ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ # __)/ [_______________________________] \___/ /) \ | | .'\$/\`-. /|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( ) __;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_ [________________| / ASCII- \ |________________] | | | _ _ART ____. | | | Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | | | RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | | ____| | -_ ,- | |____ | | `-...,-' | | | | | | |_______________|_____________________________|_______________| After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded. "Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court." "We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?" The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the bank money back?" -<>- . | . \ | / `. \ ' / .' `. .-*""*-. .' "*-._ /.*" "*.\ _.-*" : ; ____ """"': .. ; _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._ .' `-.__.-' `. bug .' / . \ `. / | \ ' | ` >You know you are from Tempe, AZ when... 1. You buy salsa by the gallon. 2. Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and l00 paper bags. 3. You think a red light is merely a suggestion. 4. All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April. 5. You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever. 6. Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los". 7. You think 60 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard. 8. You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't remember the name of the incumbent. 9. You notice your car overheating before you drive it. 10. Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof. 11. You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny. 12. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. 13. You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River. 14. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink. 15. You can say 115 degrees without fainting. 16. Every other vehicle is a 4x4. 17. You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over l00 degrees. 18. Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer. 19. People break out coats when temperature drops below 70 degrees. 20. You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car. -<>- . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil. But you still don't want to get any on you. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me. The best way to predict the future is to invent it. -<>- )..( (.o) `.( ) |||| ptr "`'" A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents read "Consultation Fee: $125.00." -<>- A story from a reader, who writes that during her stint of jury duty: I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do." -<>- _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT** 1. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. 2. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. 3. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. (alternatively: "REALITY SUPRESSED") 4. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE. _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as ** HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: ** (at last!) 1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. 2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. 3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. 4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. 5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. 6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL PRONE. 7. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. ================================================================== >-->From The MouthPiece: _________________________________________________ '. '. '.'. '. |'.'.________________________________________________'. | '|_________________________________________________| | | .-----------------------------. | | | | Newspapers Magazines Comics | .'\ | | | /`. '-----------------------------' .' \| | |/ `. _____________________________ \.'\.'\ | /`./`./ | _| | .' .' \ | / `. `. | .-' '-. | \ \ \ | / / / | |:::::| | \.'\ .' | `. / / |===. |:::::| | .' .'\.'\ | /`./`./`. |Gum | |:::::| | \ \ \ | / / / |70% |________________|:::::| | \ \ .' | `. `. / |____| /'''\. | \.'\.' | `./`./ |____________________________'| | | |______ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ | | | ==== | | === | | === | | === | | === | | === || | |______|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\ | | | _____ | _____ | | _____ | | | |______ || === ||| === || _____ ||=====|| | | | ==== |||=====||| === ||| === ||| === ||_______| '. |______|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\_______\ LGB'. | | | | | | | '|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______| `. `. `. `. `. `. `. `. _______________`.______________`.________________`.______________`.___ ________________|_______________|_________________|_______________|__ ___________________\\\\\\\__________________________________________ >Headlines from the year 2029 * Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. * Baby conceived naturally - scientists stumped. * Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. * Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. * Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. * George Bush says he will run for President in 2036. * Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. * 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. * Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. * Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. * New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw- drivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. * Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman. * IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. * Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. -<>- >Top Ten Questions on the Osama Bin Laden Driver Application 10. Can you parallel-park a camel? 9. If two car bombers reach a four-way intersection at the same time, who detonates first? 8. Will you allow Osama to sit on your lap and steer? 7. You know you probably won't be around to redeem your 401(K) right? 6. When getting the car serviced, will you demand genuine GM parts? 5. Do you require a separate air bag for your beard? 4. Do you swear you're not working for the CIA? 3. At a four-way intersection, would you yield to an infidel? 2. Do you know how to say, "Hey goats--out of the road!" in Pashtun? 1. How long have you been driving a New York City taxi? [Courtesy of the Late Show with David Letterman] --- ...A better #1 would be ... 1. How many US Nuclear Plants have you worked at? ========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) New Office Policy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/office.html Gasolene Price Humor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gasoline.html Eagle Sculpture Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagleart.html Playing With Food http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food.html Humorous Ads http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html Kids Being Kids http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids.html Life's Little Oops 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops5.html Woman's Dream http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woman.html Tricks For Treats 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats2.html World's Largest Rodent http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/caplin.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Marion Hyper-Sub http://www.hyper-sub.com/ the bob chronicles ( microsoft ) http://tinyurl.com/y86ue2a morphases http://www.morphases.com/editor/ Bobble Heads http://tinyurl.com/yfm7u48 --- ...Sweet! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Worse Than Locking Keys In Car http://www.buffaloschips.com/72206.htm Worst Seats http://www.buffaloschips.com/72207.htm WoW http://www.buffaloschips.com/72208.htm Wrong Ball http://www.buffaloschips.com/72209.htm Wrong Gift http://www.buffaloschips.com/72210.htm Hama Rat http://www.buffaloschips.com/72211.htm Special Deal http://www.buffaloschips.com/0204.htm Fuel http://www.buffaloschips.com/020402.htm What Your GPS Won't Show You http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html Tricks For Treats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: If anybody says their facelift doesn't hurt, they're lying. It was like I'd spent the night with an axe murderer. -- Sharon Osbourne A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent men become. -- Anita Wise I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind. -- Steve Allen Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. -- Dave Barry When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. -- Edward Abbey No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does. -- Christopher Morley Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results. --George S. Patton If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance. -- Al Bernstein A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. -- Oscar Wilde "Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home." -- Bill Cosby "My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I waas twenty-one." -- Bob Hope "When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through." -- Rodney Dangerfield >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chrristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************