Idiot Sightings And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ .---. .---. ( -o- )---( -o- ) ;-...-` `-...-; / \ / \ | /_ _\ | \`'.`'"--.....--"'`.'`/ \ '. `._.` .' / _.-''. `-.,___,.-` .''-._ `--._ `'-._______.-'` _.--` jgs / \ /.-'`\ .'. /`'-.\ ` '.' '.' ` *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) _ / ) ,-(,' ,---. (,-.\,' ` _)-._ ,' `(_)_) ,-`--. / ( ) / `-.,-'| / | / | ,^ / / | | / / / | | | | / \ ,.| | (`\ | | (\ | --. / \_ | hh (__( ___)-. | '' ) /) `---...\\\--(__))/-'-' We had a Comment on our Extra Yesterday from our friend Sheepdogs who wrote: I thought you might find the following article from snopes.com interesting: http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/prayerday.asp --- ...Thanks! Sheepdogs :) Figures! Must of been why they wanted people to pass it on so much. It gets so you have to check every thing cause when you don't - viola - it comes back to bite ya! -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Well, I could not resist. I just had to do up those last 2 teachings we had. I love them and I think they are so important for believers to study and practice. I don't want to loose them. Check them out here... GOD'S HOLY AND ROYAL PRIESTS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/royalpriests.html STRETCHING FOR THE LORD http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/stretching.html -<>- >3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) We've got three sizzlers sure to delight, inspire and amuse you today! The first one comes from our friend Johanna. Take a little trip down history's road. Check out the last one... amazing how much this must of cost us! ______________ .-~.------------.~-. ,-~ ,'| /// || // `, ~-,_ ,''"'`--|--------|`--------~~~ ~~- .,_ > _|__~ | ~ `. ____ ~ -. I ,',--.`. | : ,'.--.`. `.__) I======: ::____|__________;_;: ::======( `------`. .'-------------------`. .'`------' unknow Limos In History http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html --- ...Very interesting Johanna! Thank you! The next one is from our friend Sandi. I get awed when I see great works of art - never mind ones that will only last till the next thaw! Check out these... | | |\ /| | \____/ | | /\/\ | .'___ ___`. / \|/ \|/ \ _.--------------( ____ __ _____) .-' \ -. | | | | | \ ----\/---- / .'\ | | / \` | | | | `. -'`- .' /` ` ` '/ / \ | | | | \ `------'\ /- `-------.' `-----. -----. `---. ( / | | | | )/ | | | )/ | | | | | ) | | ) `._________.'_____,,,/\_______,,,,/_,,,,/ VK Ice Sculpture Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ices2.html --- ...delightful! Thanks Sandi! This last one is simply stunning and awesome. It comes from forwards from both our friends Johanna and Linda. Be sure to watch the video at the end too. Empire State Building http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/empire.html --- ...A superb encouraging one! Thanks Ladies! ================================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: Where's Ya Bin? ____.-.____ [___________] Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for (d|||||||||||b) a long time and when he was offered the job at `|||TRASH|||` the council as a garbage collector he decided ||||||||||| to take it up. On his first day things were ||||||||||| going great until he arrived at one house and ||||||||||| noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. ||||||||||| Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good `"()"""()"` jgs job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sight of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bon on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya idiot -- where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail -- but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, eh!" ==================================================================== +--------------- Bizarre March Holidays ----------------+ March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day March 2 is Old Stuff Day March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day March 4 is Holy Experiment Day March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day March 6 is National Frozen Food Day March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 is Be Nasty Day March 9 is Panic Day March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) . >< . o . o ' . >< * >< . . . o __ ,,",". . L" ,|| >< .-'_-||' . . . . / J . . . /o| L L ,-',/ ,J | ``\ .* C -' `-.-JL`.\ LJLJ ` . _|JL| . `--'`-' o * - . -bf- >The Children's Bible in a Nutshell In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check. After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Hesston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:Humor thy father and thy mother. One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David.. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them. After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament.. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.') During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead. Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution. --- ...Now That's 'Kid Stuff Fairy Tales' for sure! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ |______|______|______|______|______| .',',-. ______ ____ _____ _______ __ \.. :. '. | ____/ __ \ / ____|/ ____\ \ / / /_@ @ '' | |__ | | | | | __| | __ \ \_/ / ( ,_ -,--. | __|| | | | | |_ | | |_ | \ / / \_ '._ \ | | | |__| | |__| | |__| | | | .' .'-._':-' |_| \____/ \_____|\_____| |_| : \ \\ Quotes: "Boys as sharp as a bowling ball." "Boy's like a dead horse -- got no get-up-and-go..." "This is gonna cause more confusion than a mouse in a burlesque show!" "You're doing a lot of choppin', but no chips are flyin'." "That boy's as strong as an ox, and just about as smart." "I don't think this kid's got all his marbles. Shakes his head when he means yes and nods when he means no." "That boy's so dumb, he thinks a Mexican boarder pays rent." "Two half nuthins is a WHOLE nuthin!!" ''' >IDIOT SIGHTINGS... I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please" She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size." When I got up off the floor I explained it to her.... == When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side . ' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS == We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.' We haven't used Sears repair since. == My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. == I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' From Kingman, KS == My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. -- From Kansas City == I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' Happened in Birmingham , Ala. == The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS == At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments . == I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less. == How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a" Lee ah?? NO Lee - A?? NOPE Lay - a?? NO Lei?? Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent. STAY ALERT! They walk among us......and they VOTE!! --- ...LOL! Excellent Ones! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; >Gubmint and How Gubmint Works Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people, one to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created two positions, a time keeper and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, an Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year, and we are $918,000 over budget. We must cut back." So they laid off the night watchman. NOW slowly, let that sink in. Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter. Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY..... during the Carter Administration? Anybody? Anything? No? Didn't think so! Bottom line: We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency...the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember! Ready?? It was very simple . . . and, at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate. The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977 TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL. Hey, pretty efficient, huh??? AND, NOW, IT'S 2011 -- 34 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS "NECESSARY" DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES, AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE! THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?" A little over 34 years ago, 30% of our oil consumption was foreign imports. Today 70% of our oil consumption is foreign imports. Ah, yes -- the good old Federal bureaucracy!! NOW, WE HAVE TURNED THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY OVER TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT? Hello!! Anybody Home? --- ...Makes ya wonder! Thanks PatDeE! ================================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >Newsmax: Breaking News from Newsmax.com Huckabee: Obamacare 'Frankenstein’ Should Have Stayed in Lab In an exclusive Newsmax.TV interview, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee says Obamacare is a Frankenstein that “should never have come out of the laboratory.” The potential presidential contender also declares that President Barack Obama has “zero business” meddling in the public-sector union controversy. Read the Full Story and See the Video — Go Here Now http://tinyurl.com/4p2fj2h Gingrich: If Palin Took Obama Actions, There Would Be Calls for Impeachment In an exclusive interview with Newsmax.TV Friday, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich said President Barack Obama’s decision not to fully enforce the Defense of Marriage law could spark a constitutional crisis — as he has directly violated his constitutional duties by arbitrarily suspending a law. He noted that, if a “President Sarah Palin” had taken a similar action, there would have been immediate calls for her impeachment. Read the Full Story and See the Video — Go Here Now http://tinyurl.com/4htbbpj -<>- >From Our Friend B.D :) >DRILL 4 OIL NOW !!!! I DESIGNED THIS WEBPAGE TO SEND OUT TO THOUSANDS...WOULD YOU WANT TO JOIN ME IN HELPING OUR NATIONAL OIL PROBLEM....SEND THIS SITE TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND ENCOURAGE THEM TO DO THE SAME.....PERHAPS THE VOICES OF THE PEOPLE WILL AWAKEN SOME OF THE DIEHARDS IN STATES AND IN THE CAPITOL....WE'VE GONE TOO LONG DEPENDING ON FOREIGN OIL / FUELS....LET'S BE IINDEPENDENT N O W !!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL SEND IT TO OVER 2000 EMAILS AND WILL INCLUDE THE TEA PARTY HQS.,ETC...SEND TO YOUR LIBERAL FRIENDS TOO. . http://community-2.webtv.net/HAPPYBD/DRILLFOROILNOW/ --- ...Thanks B.D.! -<>- >From BizarreNews: I was reading a booklet by Russ Kick entitled "50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know." In it he states that juries are allowed to judge the law, not just the facts of a case. In his words... "We tend to believe that the duty of a jury is solely to determine whether someone broke the law. In fact, it's not unusual for judges to instruct juries that they are to judge only the facts in a case, while the judge will sit in judgment of the law itself. Nonsense. "Juries are the last line of defense against the power abuses of the authorities. They have the right to judge the law. Even if a defendant committed a crime, a jury can refuse to render a guilty verdict. "Judges and prosecutors will often outright lie about the existence of this power, but centuries of court decisions and other evidence prove that jurors can vote their con- sciences." I was a little dubious of these statement until I talked to my own lawyer about it. As you might guess, he said that the issue is much more complicated than that...but the bottom, and oversimplified line, is that juries can, and often do, rule against a law. They cannot change a law, but they can rule find someone guilty or innocent despite the law. So does everybody know this slightly bizarre, but very important codicil of our legal system, or am I just a dumb ass? -- Mayor: 24-hour hockey game needs permit ------- EAST AURORA, N.Y. - Officials in a New York town said a non-profit needs to obtain permission before going through with plans for a 24-hour hockey game. The Aurora Ice Association, the non-profit that operates the outdoor Time Warner Cable Classic Rink in East Aurora, said it is plann- ing a 24-hour hockey game starting at 9 p.m. March 18 to raise money for a concrete pad at the facility, The Buffalo News reported Thursday. However, Mayor Allan Kasprzak and other officials responded to a complaint from resident William Hanavan who said noise from the game would disturb his sleep, saying the non-profit would need to seek special permission for the event. "The request has to come in front of us. Any change has to come before us. They have hours they're supposed to abide by. If they don't, we send the police in and shut it down whether it's a rink or a bar," Kasprzak said at a Wednesday night meeting. Aurora Ice Association President Anthony DiFilippo IV recently said the 2-year-old rink should not have to obtain village permission for events because it should now be considered a permanent structure. The rink previously obtained a special-use permit as a temporary structure. -- Easy-Bake to nix light bulb heating -------- PAWTUCKET, R.I. - Rhode Island toymaker Hasbro said a redesigned Easy-Bake oven will hit the market when 100- watt light bulbs cease to be manufactured. A 2007 federal law requiring light bulbs to be energy efficient will cause production of 100-watt bulbs to cease in early 2012 and Hasbro, which took over manufacturing of Easy-Bake ovens when it absorbed Kenner in 1991, said a new system is being developed to replace the bulbs currently used to cook snacks in the toy ovens "We are aware that the 100- watt incandescent light bulb will no longer be available beginning in 2012," Hasbro said in a statement. "In Fall 2011, Hasbro will launch the Easy Bake Ultimate Oven, introducing a new way to bake for the next generation of chefs. This new oven features a heating element that does not use a light bulb and offers an extensive assortment of mixes reflective of the hottest baking trends for today." ============================================================= >-->From The MouthPiece: __ .' '. : : | _ _ | .-.|(o)(o)|.-. _._ _._ ( ( | .--. | ) ) .',_ '. .' _,'. '-/ ( ) \-' / /' `\ \ __ / /' `\ \ / '--' \ /.' \.' './ '.\ \ `"===="` / ` : _ _ : ` `\ /' |(o)(o)| `\ /' | | /`-.-`\_ / \ _.-"`\._/V\_./`"-._ / .--. \ .'/ \ /^\ / \'. | ( ) | / / \| |/ \ \ _\ '--' /__ jgs / / \_/ \ \ .' '-.__.-' `-. ------------- Strange United States Laws -------------- (from the book "Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton) In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted." In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic. In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an auto- mobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. In Baltimore, it's illegal to take a lion to the movies. In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. -<>- .--. .' `. : _ _ ; .-| _ _ |-. ((_| (O)(O) |_)) `-| .--. |-' .-' ( ) `-. / .-._`--'_.-. \ ( (n uuuu n) ) `.`"=nnnnnn="'.' `-.______.-' __/\| |/\__ .='w/\ \__/ /\w`=. .-\ww(( \/88\/ ))ww/-. / |www\\ \88/ //www| \ | |wwww\\/88\//wwww| | | |wwwww\\88//wwwww| | | /wwwwww\\//wwwwww\hjw| --------------------- Oh, Mom Knows ---------------------- A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her." ======================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: _ .-*"""*.).' .-' `. ,*' _.' `. .' .-*':', , '": .' : /-. : |/\`"* \; : ' ' \`$ -' / / .'.___ `. / : : `.`*-. .'`.__.-'`. ; | \ `-. ; : ; `| : \ `. : \ ;+"*:*| . \ `-. `. ;`. ; : \ `. `.: `.:`-..-: \ \ `*-. ;`-..-' \ `. ` ' . `-. /`-._ ;`*-..'\`. : | : . `-._ `. : | ; __.-*', [bug] ; `*-.._.-*' : ; / ' : ; .' `./ / .', :/ / .' / /.'\ / .' : .` `-.. / :: /`-. / `' .. `-._.' ; '; .' | ;: : | : , |`**'; ; : : :*-._, : : : ; ; : ,--+'`*+*; : ; . `*' : .'.`._: `*---*--.'`.' : : .-' `.__.' Those who walk with God always reach their destination. The Lift Focus on God (Author Unknown) Once there were three boys playing on the snow-covered ground. Along came a man who suggested that the boys race, with the winner receiving a prize. The boys readily agreed. The man explained the rules for the race. He would stand at the end of the field. When he gave the signal, the boys were to start to run. The boy who had the straightest footprints in the snow would be the winner. The race started and the first boy kept looking at his feet to make sure his steps were straight. The second boy kept looking at his contestants to see what they were doing; but the third boy just ran on with his eyes firmly fixed on the man at the end of the field. The third boy was the winner, because his footsteps were straight in the snow. He had kept his eyes on the goal ahead of him. Life is like that race. If we take our focus off Christ and begin looking down at our circumstances, we will fail. It is easy to get bogged down with the day-to-day struggles that we encounter, but we must realize that God will take care of us. We can never be the man and woman that Christ wants us to be if we lose our focus. A focused life is a life built on faith. When we trust God to take care of the circumstances, we will be free of the worry and doubt that will throw us off track. Quote: A man focused on God always knows the direction he is headed. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV) ---------------------- Audio Song Hi all, Today I thought I'd share a song with you that the Lord gave me back in 2009 that has become (and I hope always will be) a prayer of sorts for me. It is called "All the Way" and is a prayer to the Lord as we are on this journey that we are on....this pilgrimage that ultimately leads us home to our Daddy's house. :) It is my prayer that you find it a blessing & encouragement this day. .-. .--..-"""-7_ / : : `: | .' ._`. 7 .=" "`: : , : : #--.._/ `.-. `8_ 8P`. :_e8P .a. _.' |`\_, \ /-. `.` ,8 ^P" e8P 8a 2 '7.__7" \ \ `": `. ,8P _ /_\ ' / ;e8| 98P .-' `7 `--' |`8: .e8a._..e8" .' : : 88P" .8P`88,8P' / Y8/88 eP"| `YP" / `. `M " :-. .' : .'_ ; _.' \ \ '.' `/_.-e8`,.--. `-: : .'"" " 8P : `""`.e8a ; `"""--. / fsc `---' >Disaster Area "Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!" From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. "It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room." ----------------------------- >Quick Jokes __..--.._ ..... .--~ ..... `. .": "`-.. . .' ..-'" :". ` ` `._ ` _.'`"( `-"'`._ ' _.' ' ~~~ `. ~~~ .' / ( ^---' Lester I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began. "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked. He was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. -------------- A co-worker told his sister she should have the tires rotated on her car. Without skipping a beat, she said, "But don't they do that when I'm driving?" -------------- .===. _ _ / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!" -<>- >Lawyerese The Wall Street Journal recently quoted the following comment by Robert H. Mundheim, general counsel of the U.S. Treasury Department. "When an ordinary man wants to give an orange to another, he would merely say, 'I give you this orange.' But when a lawyer does it, he says it in this way: 'Know all men by these presents that I hereby give, grant, bargain, sell, release, convey, transfer, and quitclaim all my right, title, interest, benefit, and use whatever in, of and concerning this chattel, otherwise known as an orange or citrus orantium, together with all the appurtenances thereto of skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice, to have and to hold the said orange together with its skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice for his own use and behoof, to himself and his heirs in fee simple forever, free from a liens, encumbrances, easements, limitations, restraints, or conditions whatsoever, any and all prior deeds, transfers or other documents whatsoever, not or anywhere made to the contrary notwithstanding, with full power to bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the said orange or give away the same, with or without its skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds or juice.' SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ===================================================================== >-->From The Jokester: _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| .----. / ( > | /| '--. ( ) ._ / || ]| `-. ) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::| ( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::| `/ `-./ `. || ]| ::| _ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-' / \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'( | |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------, | `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /| | \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / | | | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ | | /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) | \ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( | | | / `---` `===' / ) | / \ / / ( | | '------. |'--------------------'| ) | \ `-| | / | `--...,______| | ( | | | | | ) ,| | | | | ( /|| | | | | )/ `" / \ | | (/ jgs .' /I\ '.| | /) .-'_.'/ \'. | | / ``` `"""` `| .-------------------.|| `"` `"` >Signs to Hang in the Office * I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. * If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? * I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. * On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. *I have not yet begun to procrastinate. * I don't suffer from stress. I'm just a carrier. * Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. * Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. * If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. * Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen. * God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends. * Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog. * Coffee, chocolate, men: some things are just better rich. * How can I miss you if you won't go away? * And your point is...? * Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. * Of course I don't look busy I did it right the first time. * Do not start with me. You will not win. * You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up * My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips. * I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. * Sorry if I look interested. I'm not ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: | | | ______ | ___(( )_ | |'->==)) (= \ | | \ ||_____|_ \ | |[> \___________\ | | | | | | \ | | .--. | \ | |)---. .---' `-. .----(]| \|____________| `-' `. .' | `---' ejm98| Maury ran a small commercial real estate company. One day, back in the eighties, he sold his interest in one of his projects for 3 million dollars. The only problem was that the guy who bought him out was a big shot in his very small hometown in Pennsylvania, and he wanted Maury to use the local bank branch. So Maury goes in to the bank and tells the teller he'd like to open a few accounts. The teller goes through the list of gifts you can get for your initial deposit. $300 gets you a toaster, $600 for a television, etc. The teller then asks him how much he would like to deposit. Without saying a word, Maury hands her the cashier's check. The teller turns bright red, and runs to get her manager. The manager escorts him into her office, where they sit down. "Sir, welcome to our town. We're thrilled to have you as a customer. What can I get you?" To which Maury replied, "I'll take 10,000 toasters." -<>- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied, "Two years older than me." "So, you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?" -<>- _.--. ;.-'i.`._.--, {(;{} y`-.`,_`--. <`~;`-( _.'`.~`.' \ \ `i.' ` Y },-,) .j~. | ; / _j\ <_ `! ;_.'( / >-, `---.,' .'-j / `. ,<_ ( `. \ `=-j\ `-- A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!" -<>- .==,_ .===,_`\ .====,_ ` \ .====,__ --- .==-,`~. \ `:`.__, --- `~~=-. \ /^^^ ...always on the go! --- `~~=. \ / `~. \ / ~. \____./ jgs `.=====) ___.--~~~--.__ ___\.--~~~ ~~~---.._|/ ~~~" / After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of- address form." "How do I get one of those?" I asked. "We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?" -<>- A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus. Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the Select All command... Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it? Agent: Well, you just press Control-A. Caller (after a pause): Well, that's not working for me. Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you? Caller: Yes, I sure do. Agent: OK, now press Control-A. Caller: I am, but nothing happens. Agent: The text isn't highlighted? Caller: No, there's no change at all. Agent: That's odd. If you press Control-A the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell me exactly what's happening. Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I'm pressing Control, eh? And nothing's happening, eh? ============================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: ( ) ( ___...(-------)-....___ .-"" ) ( ""-. .-'``'|-._ ) _.-| / .--.| `""---...........---""` | / / | | | | | | \ \ | | `\ `\ | | `\ `| | _/ /\ / (__/ \ / _..---""` \ /`""---.._ .-' \ / '-. : `-.__ __.-' : : ) ""---...---"" ( : '._ `"--...___...--"` _.' jgs \""--..__ __..--""/ '._ """----.....______.....----""" _.' `""--..,,_____ _____,,..--""` `"""----"""` >Black Coffee in a Clean Cup Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid into a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus. "No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee." "I'll have black coffee, too," Bill said. "And please make sure the cup is clean." The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back. "Two cups of black coffee," she announced, sternly. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?" By way of the Sermon Fodder list. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day parable drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends or post on the net. ======================================== Worth Repeating...... If you do nothing, nothing will happen. If you do something, something will happen, but not necessarily what you intended. ==================== EeeiiiiiEEiiiii..... \|/ n______ .....iiiiiEEiiiieeEE :~; : \|/ -----;``~' + ;------------ ______n --------------------------------- `-@-----@-= : :~: =========================== ; + '~``; ============================= =-@-----@-' jgs------------------------------------------------------------------ >HAPPY ENDINGS By Michael Segal You could hear a pin drop. Then, some sniffles in the mob of thousands. Eventually, after what appeared like an eternity, the crowd roared with applause as the ambulance took him away. His name is Kevin Everett and he was playing for the Buffalo Bills football team. He was hurt -- hurt very badly trying to make a tackle on a kickoff. The blow injured his spinal column causing a paralysis. He could not give the "thumbs up" to the crowd, no matter how hard he tried. Meanwhile, back home in a small town near Houston, Kevin's mother was watching the game in a sport's bar. Very few things in life are worse than watching your "baby" on television not being able to move. His fiancee was also near Houston washing her car. Soon she would find out the horrible news. Soon, everyone would find out the horrible news as the doctor reported in a TV news broadcast that Kevin was in critical condition -- his life was at risk, never mind the fact that he possibly might never again be able to walk. Luckily, Kevin's doctor who was in the ambulance with him, tried a new procedure to immediately cool his spinal column. Also, he was fortunate he had a neurosurgeon waiting for him at the trauma hospital. Slowly, and very slowly, he began making progress. Eventually, he was stable enough to be flown to The Institute for Rehabilitation and Research (TIRR), a rehabilitation hospital near his home in Houston. At TIRR he continued making great progress. He took his first steps there. Mind you, very few people who sustain that kind of injury are ever able to take a first step. But he did, and he continues to keep proving the experts wrong. When he appeared and walked on the Oprah show recently, he proved to have made a miraculous recovery. If you had not known him or his story, you would not have realized that he had an injury that almost cost him his life. Back at TIRR, many patients are obliged to learn to deal and cope with dramatic changes after those life altering experiences. A person, often, is simply thankful for the small things -- like being able to brush one's teeth, tying one's shoes, combing one's hair, etc. Quite often the small things in life are really huge. Often, it takes much time to deal with the many losses. However, with a positive attitude, support, as well as many other factors, life, after a spinal cord injury can be very successful. The proverb, "Be thankful for what you have and do not dwell on what you have lost" is a great attitude. The patients at TIRR realize this, and people everywhere should accept that proverb, since everyone in life experiences some kind of loss. That is the definition of being human. Kevin Everett and so many others are trying to show the world that life is not over when one sustains a major loss. In fact, perhaps, for many it is just beginning. Perhaps the reason Kevin Everett healed so miraculously was because of the care he received in the ambulance, or in the hospital, or in the rehab hospital, or because of his excellent conditioning, or because of his faith, or because of so many other reasons, or a combination of the above. Today, he is doing great and helping others. Many people, who have sustained a spinal cord injury, as well as those who have not, possess the desire to get better. For many, that equates to being more independent. People want to believe that getting better is possible. People enjoy stories with happy endings. And people want to be positive. Kevin Everett's story reminds us that sometimes there are happy endings. -- Michael Segal Shot in the head during a robbery, Michael Jordan Segal defied all odds by first surviving and then returning to college. He then earned two degrees with honors, married his high school sweetheart, Sharon, and became a father to their daughter Shawn. You can learn more about him by visiting his website at: http://www.inspirationbymike.com ================================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Chinese Walmart http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html Dog Day Afternoon http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogday.html Cano Cristales River http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cristales.html Bear Playground http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearplay.html Doormat Humor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doormat.html Dominic And Jobe! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobe.html Texas Rules Of Ettiquette! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html -<>- >From Our Friend Sandi :) >Yosemite Phenomenon It is hard to imagine that Yosemite is only 60 miles from Fresno -- where it never ever snows and rarely gets below 32 F in the dead of winter. This is an incredible video! It only happens in March and April. I have never seen a creek come to a complete stop like this before and start up again someplace else. It's like a lava flow. Turn on your sound. Now just enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=9V9p4mFEYXc&vq=medium#t=15 --- ...Awesome! Thanks Sandi! -<>- >From Our Friend James :) funny http://display.ubercomments.com/6/4588.jpg Some Nice Senior Citizen Bumper Stickers - http://dalesdesigns.net/retired.htm --- ...HAHA! Thanks James! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) cia museum - a set on Flickr http://tinyurl.com/6xsyux3 --- ...Neat! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) Always Listen To Your Alarm Clock http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL5xZoA7suY --- ...HaHa! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Bowling Bloopers http://www.buffaloschips.com/9267.htm Boy & Labrador http://www.buffaloschips.com/9268.htm Brass Pole http://www.buffaloschips.com/9269.htm Bud Light Wheel http://www.buffaloschips.com/92610.htm Brownie http://www.buffaloschips.com/92699.htm Butt Juice http://www.buffaloschips.com/41050.htm Kick Butt http://www.buffaloschips.com/42052.htm Hello http://www.buffaloschips.com/42601.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "There's a new technique that lets doctors perform kidney transplants in 45 minutes. Because when you're getting a kidney transplant, your main concern is always, 'How long is this gonna take? Can you do it in less than an hour?'" -Jimmy Fallon "Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company." - George Washington "A new study found that the Reebok Classic is the most popular shoe worn by burglars. The second most popular shoe worn by burglars: yours." -Jimmy Fallon "According to doctors, marijuana use among the elderly is at an all-time high. Apparently, senior citizens are moving very slowly, making crazy statements, and going out to dinner very early." -Craig Ferguson "A girl in New York whose parents were on 'Wife Swap' is suing the show for 100 million dollars for making her look like a spoiled brat. Note to girl: guess what else makes you look like a spoiled brat? Being 15 and suing for a hundred million dollars." -Jimmy Fallon "The price of a stamp is going up to 44 cents. It's out of control. If only there was some other way to send written messages...if anyone can think of anything just e-mail me." -Jimmy Fallon "A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup from Senor Frog's." -Jimmy Fallon "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." - George Washington "Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder." - George Washington >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************