In The Navy Now & More ... :) Shangy! >-->Hot Off The 'SHANGY' Press :) Been really busy this weekend making picture pages to give you 'Ooos and Awwws' with some of the unique things that exist around the world. Be sure to visit these pages: .''. .''. *''* :_\/_: . :_\/_: . .:.*_\/_* : /\ : .'.:.'. .''.: /\ : _\(/_ ':'* /\ * : '..'. -=:o:=- :_\/_:'.:::. /)\*''* .|.* '.\'/.'_\(/_'.':'.' : /\ : ::::: '*_\/_* | | -= o =- /)\ ' * '..' ':::' * /\ * |'| .'/.\'. '. UPDATED: Awesome Photos http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/awesome.html (\.-./) / \ .' : '. _.-'` ' `'-._ .-' : '-. ,'_.._ . _.._', '` `'-. ' .-'` `' '. : .' \_. ._/ \ |^| | jgs | ; \'.___.' / '-....-' Undersea Restaurant http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html . \ : / ' _ ' -= ( (_) ) =- . . / : \ .-. ' |.| /)|`|(\ (.(|'|)`) ~~~~`\`'./'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ jgs |.| ~~ |`| ~~ ,|'|. (_) ~~ "'" \"\ ~~ ^~^ Desert Skiing Resort http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desertskiing.html ALSO Be sure to pass these around and share them with everyone! ================================================================ >--->From The FunnyBone: >30 Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy When You're at Home 1. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbors have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five. _ 2. Surround yourself with 200 people that |_] you don't really know or like: people who .-|=====-. smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, | | mail | and use foul language like a child uses ___|________| sugar on cereal. || || 3. Unplug all radios and TVs to complete- || www ly cut yourself off from the outside world. ,;, || )_(,;;;, Have a neighbor bring you a Time, Newsweek, <_> \ || \|/ \_/ or Proceedings from five years ago to \|/ \\|| \\| |// keep you abreast of current events. _jgs_\|//_\\|///_\V/_\|//__ 4. Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information (ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc) O 5. Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate | /| the smell of 40 people using the same commode. |_(__\ \ )\ 6. Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four hour jgs )( /_ period. """""""""""""" 7. Wear only military uniforms. Even though nobody cares, clean and press one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes. 8. Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look bald or look like you lost a fight with a demented sheep. 9. Work in 19 hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night. _, 10. Listen to your favorite CD 6 times a day for .-'_| , two weeks, then play music that causes acute nausea _| (_| _|\ until you are glad to get back to your favorite CD. (_| (_| 11. Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks. 12. Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and night crew bump around and wake you up. Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure you are tossed around the remaining three hours. Make use of a custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens, helicopter crash alarms, and a new wave rock band. __.--~~.,-.__ 13. Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered `~-._.-(`-.__`-. to your garage and wait two weeks before eating \ `~~` them. .--./ \ /# \ \.--. 14. Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the \ / /# \ spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove jgs '--' \ / the blindfold and eat everything in three minutes. '--' 15. Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power. 16. At least once a month, force the commode to overflow to simulate a 'black water system' boo boo. 17. Buy a gas mask and smear it with rancid animal fat. Scrub the face shield with steel wool until you can no longer see out of it. Wear this for two hours every fifth day especially when you are in the bathroom. 18. Study the owner's manual for all household appliances. Routinely take an appliance apart and put it back together. 19. Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks. 20. Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time. , /( ___________ 21. Smash your forehead or shins with a | >:===========` hammer every two days to simulate collision )( injuries sustained onboard Navy ships. jgs "" _ __ _ __ 22. When making sandwiches, leave ( `^` )) ( `^` )) the bread out for six days, or until it is | || | || hard and stale. | || | || jgs '-----'` '-----'` 23. Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place, and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress funny and don't speak right. 24. Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit. 25. Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 degrees C and use only a thin blanket for warmth. 26. Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from 2 to 95 degrees C. 27. Use only spoons which hold a minimum of 1/2 cup at a time. 28. Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it or not. 29. Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper out loud. Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent. 30. Every four hours, check the fluid level in your car's radiator. Check the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure checks. Be sure to place red tag on ignition stating "DANGER: DO NOT OPERATE" while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor as to the results of these checks, have him tell you to repeat the checks because he did not see you perform them. ========================================================================= +-------------------- Bizarre Holidays --------------------+ JUNE June 1 is Dare Day June 2 is National Rocky Road Day June 3 is Repeat Day June 4 is Old Maid's Day June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day June 6 is Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day June 8 is Name Your Poison Day For the rest of the list, go to http://www.bizarrenews.com ==================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: An elderly lady had serious hearing problems for a number of years. She went to the doctor and he was able to have her fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed her to hear 100%. The elderly lady went back in a month to the doctor and he said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The lady replied, "Oh, I haven't told them yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already!" -<>- Q. What is the most widely sung song in the English-speaking world? A. "Happy Birthday to You", which was adapted from "Good Morning to You" by Mildred J. Hill and Patty S. Hill. Q. Why is tennis scored so oddly? A. Tennis is scored 15, 30, 40 then game, rather than 1 point, 2 points, 3 points etc. Originally a tennis game's score was kept by moving the hands of a clock to 15, 30 and 45. Later, for unknown reasons, the 45 became 40. -<>- A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk, takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer," says the woman calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" asks the officer. "Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. -<>- Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark One : Don't miss the boat. Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four : Stay fit When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six : Build your future on high ground. Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine : When you're stressed, float a while. Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. -<>- My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. ------------------------------------------------------------- Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. ------------------------------------------------------------- For Sale : Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake. ------------------------------------------------------------- There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage. ------------------------------------------------------------- Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car. ------------------------------------------------------------------- The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times." To subscribe, send a blank mailto: scream_of_the_crop-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->From The MouthPiece: Did you swear the witness in Ralf? \ `, ___ # |/ ? Well, he Was swearing... | , )\ / /__/\ \____ ##### ,- / \_/ \ _/_ #### /\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=## ) "\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\- /_ )# \ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ # __)/ [_______________________________] \___/ /) \ | | .'\$/\`-. /|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( ) __;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_ [________________| / ASCII- \ |________________] | | | _ _ART ____. | | | Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | | | RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | | ____| | -_ ,- | |____ | | `-...,-' | | | | | | |_______________|_____________________________|_______________| ** ELEVEN GREAT PUNS ABOUT THE LAW ** 11) Lawyers wear law suits. 10) Next time you get a lawyer a drink, give him just-ice. 9) A lawyer using a facsimile machine must be sure to get his fax straight. 8) A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining. 7) Does a lawyer representing an angry cow find just cause for sour milk in a dairy case? 6) A detective likes to have a brief case. 5) The detective who went to investigate a burned down post office figured that it must be blackmail. 4) There are many judges who would like to acquit smoking. 3) Old judges never die, they just slur their sentences. 2) A police dog is often the scenter of a drug arrest. 1) If there's one person you don't want to interrupt in the middle of a sentence, it's a judge. ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Steve :) THE EMERGENCY ROOM The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the internet onto the front of my shirt. When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Here's what the patch said... U S __BORDER PATROL__ Feel free to download one the next time you're in need of quicker ER service. It worked for me! ---- ...Good one! Thanks Steve! =================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Emergency Email: HEALTH INFO ALERT: FDA Advises Consumers to Avoid Toothpaste From China Containing Harmful Chemical - Details and list of brands... http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=203&z=1 THE EMERGENCY EMAIL & WIRELESS NETWORK http://www.emergencyemail.org -<>- Visit here for news affecting Christians: http://www.cc.org/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Technician claims to have filmed Nesssie -------- INVERNESS, Scotland - The legendary Loch Ness monster has made another film appearance, this time supposedly caught by the camcorder of an Englishman visiting the Scottish lake. The 2-minute video made by Gordon Holmes of Shipley in Yorkshire reportedly shows something moving across Loch Ness, its head protruding from the water. The Glasgow Evening Times reports that the creature or object creates a wake in the water. The monster has been described as a beast resembling the long-necked swimming reptiles known as plesiosaurs, which have been extinct for millions of years. Scientists say there is no way Loch Ness could support a significant population of large marine animals and there is no way plesiosaurs could have survived there. Holmes, a technician at Bradford University, said he was at Loch Ness recording underwater sounds with a hydrophone. He grabbed his camcorder when he saw something moving on the surface. "About 200 yards away from me I could see something in the water," he said. "It was definitely a creature propelling itself through the water. It was fairly bubbling along the water. It was streaking along." _____ _._ | | .' '. | N O | / //\\\ \ |_____| ( ( -\- ) ) | '-\_=_/-' /) .-'\ /'-. (|/ / '-' \ / / | \__ __/_/\/ /| | |\ / \ / Pentecostalist refuses \ \ \ '-' `\/\ ; |/|\ | | | | | to wear pants | | |_______| | | | \ | / jgs /=|=\ (_/T\_) NEW YORK - A bus driver of the Pentecostal faith said she may sue the New York Transit Association for firing her just because she refused to wear pants. Tahita Jenkins, 33, explained to her bosses that the standard issue bus driver's uniform, which required the wearing of pants, was against her religion, The New York Post reported Thursday. She even went as far as to bring in a note from her pastor at the Holy Ghost Headquarters Prayer Band Mission of New Beginning Deliverance Church in Far Rockaway, in the New York borough of Queens, requesting that she be allowed to wear a skirt at work. But even that didn't work and officials in the transit department insisted that she must either wear pants or culottes or lose her job. Transit officials fired Jenkins on Tuesday and she is now consider- ing filing a lawsuit. A similar suit involving Brinks Inc., the armored security service, resulted in a Pentecostal woman being awarded $30,000 and offered her job back, although she had to wear culottes as a compromise. -- Driver burned towels at Italian hotell ------------ SANREMO, Italy - A driver for a group of British tourists in Italy set fire to towels used by a group of German tourists after they laid claim to all the sunbeds in a hotel. Glyn Bowden, a driver for a group of 55 British vacationers, said the Germans claimed the sunbeds at the beach and pool at the Viana Marina hotel near Sanremo on the Italian Riviera, The Daily Mail reported Tuesday. Bowden said he initially just removed the Germans' towels from the chairs but "The following morning the Germans put them down even earlier so I did the same -- with them shaking their fists at me from their windows. "The next morning about 20 towels were there again so I collected them up, put them on a pile on the beach -- and lit them. All the British tourists were cheering. But just a few minutes afterward three police officers turned up and arrested me," he told The Daily Mail. However, the hotel convinced the police to release Bowden without charges. "They were going to charge me with criminal damage but the hotel -- which owned the towels --intervened on my behalf," he said. - Dog lovers warned on Internet puppy scam -------- LOS ANGELES - A new online scheme ropes in people who want to save puppies from desperate fates in Nigeria -- only to lose hundreds of dollars or more to scam artists. The Council of Better Business Bureaus and American Kennel Club Tuesday plan to issue a warning about the newest scam from Nigeria, The Los Angeles Times reported Monday. The scheme uses phony Web sites, MySpace postings and print ads to appeal to puppy lovers -- usually showing pictures of cute bulldog pups that have allegedly become stuck in Nigeria, or other countries, and are being offered free to new owners. Some postings offer pricey English bulldogs at deep discounts, the newspaper said. When people respond to the ads, they are asked to send in hundreds of dollars for expenses -- shipping, taxes, shots and the like. Some victims of the scam said they were fleeced for more than $1,500 for their "free puppies," but no matter how much money they forked over, they never got the puppies. ---- ...Don't Trust stuff over the net saying 'Nigeria' - lots of scams! ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Pat :) PURPLE HATS In honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer. Here is an "angel" sent to watch over you. Pass this on to five women that you want watched over. If you don't know five women to pass this on to, one will do just fine. IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck . L\ .-""-. |\_ / (--> \ \ \'--.)_>_=/_( \ )`-._/|_,( _. |_\ (_ ( \ /.- .' `\ ) \_/\ \.'/ _.','\ _/\ ( '._/ /_/` \ / jgs '-..-'] (written after she found out she was dying from cancer). I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's" More "I'm sorry's." But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it .. live it and never give it back. .{{}}}}}}. {{{{{}}}}}}}. {{{{ {{{{{}}}} }}}}} _ _ {{{{{ }}}} e e }}}} {{{{{ .__^__. {{{{ hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe }}}}}}\ '._.' /}}}}} {{{{{{{;.___.;}}}}}} {{{{{{{) (}}}}}}' jgs `""'"': :'"'"'` `@` STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!! Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with , and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you have a blessed day. ,{{}}}}}}. {{{{{}}}}}}}. {{{{ {{{{{}}}} }}}}} _ _ {{{{{ }}}} m m }}}}} {{{{C ^ {{{{{ }}}}}}\ '=' /}}}}}} {{{{{{{{;.___.;{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}) (}}}}}}}}}} {{{{}}}}}': :{{{{{{{{{{ {{{}}}}}} `@` {{{}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}} }}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{{ jgs {{{{{{{{ }}}}}} }}}}} {{{{ {{{ }} If you don't mind, send this on to all the women you are grateful to have as friends. Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier. Please send this to five phenomenal women today in celebration of Beautiful Women's Month. ---- ...Nice! Thanks Pat! ================================================================== >-->From Our friend Betty :) |\ |\ |\ |\ || .---. || .---. || .---. || .---. ||/_____\ ||/_____\ ||/_____\ ||/_____\ ||( '.' ) ||( '.' ) ||( '.' ) ||( '.' ) || \_-_/_ || \_-_/_ || \_-_/_ || \_-_/_ :-"`'V'//-. :-"`'V'//-. :-"`'V'//-. :-"`'V'//-. / , |// , `\ / , |// , `\ / , |// , `\ / , |// , `\ / /|Ll //Ll|| | / /|Ll //Ll|| | / /|Ll //Ll|| | / /|Ll //Ll|| | /_/||__// || | /_/||__// || | /_/||__// || | /_/||__// || | \ \/---|[]==|| | \ \/---|[]==|| | \ \/---|[]==|| | \ \/---|[]==|| | \/\__/ | \| | \/\__/ | \| | \/\__/ | \| | \/\__/ | \| | /\|_ | Ll_\ | /|/_ | Ll_\ | /|/_ | Ll_\ | /|/_ | Ll_\ | `--|`^"""^`||_| `--|`^"""^`||_| `--|`^"""^`||_| `--|`^"""^`||_| | | ||/ | | ||/ | | ||/ | | ||/ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J L___l___J L___l___J L___l___J |_ | _| |_ | _| |_ | _| |_ | _| jgs (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ ^^^ Lizzie Palmer -15 years old- with Remember Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0&eurl= --- ...Awesome! - Thanks Betty! ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bob :) /\ /\ ( \\ // ) \ \\ // / \_\\||||//_/ \/ _ _ \ \/|(O)(O)| \/ | | ___________________\/ \ / // // |____| // || / \ //| \| \ 0 0 / // \ ) V / \____/ // \ / ( / "" \ /_________| |_/ 22 Ways To Be A Good Democrat! 1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand. 2 You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. 3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists. 4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding. 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's. 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural. 7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. 8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. 9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do. 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it 11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only. 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. 13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison & A.G. Bell. 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not. 16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person. 17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. 18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House. 19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. 20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest of the United States. 21. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day, but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas." 22. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy. --- ...must be why CCA and AFA and Liberty Counsel So many other Christian and family groups are so pro republican. Interesting. Thanks Bob! -<>- >SOCIAL SECURITY (NOTEWORTHY) FYI just in case some of you aren't aware of this! Its easy to check out if you don't believe it. Be sure and show it to your kids. They need a little history lesson on what's what regarding our Social Security. (Many years ago in Seattle, two wonderful neighbors, Elliott and Patty Roosevelt came to my home to swim on a regular basis. They were a great couple full of laughter and stories that today I continue to marvel at. Both are now deceased, but their stories remain. During the years of our friendship we had many, many discussions about Elliott's parents (President Franklin D. and Eleanor Roosevelt) and how his father and mother never intended for the Social Security and Welfare programs to turn out the way they are today) Here is a story I received today regarding the Social Security Program and I immediately thought of Elliott's comments. I Hope you will read this and think about it. _____________________________________________ Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program He promised: 1.) That participation in the Program would be completely voluntary, 2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual incomes into the Program, 3.) That the money the participants elected to put into the Program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year, 4.) That the money the participants put into the independent "Trust Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and, 5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income. --------------------------------------------- Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to "put away" -- you may be interested in the following: --------------------------------------------- Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent "Trust Fund" and put it into the General fund so that Congress could spend it? A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratic controlled House and Senate. --------------------------------------------- Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding? A: The Democratic Party. ---------------------------------------------- Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities? A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the "tie-breaking" deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US . ----------------------------------------------- Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to immigrants? AND MY FAVORITE: A: That's right! Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party. Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it! --------------------------------------------- Then, after doing all this lying and thieving and violating of the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away! And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it! ============================================== If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe changes will evolve Maybe not, some Democrats are awfully sure of what isn't so But it's worth a try. How many people can YOU send this to? Actions speak louder than bumper stickers. Forward this E-mail to others so that they can be informed of the truth. ---- ...Must be getting close to voting time again... ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Fred :) >IMPORTANT PLEASE READ The times we are living in is getting worse and worse, I'm afraid.... Serious , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | | .--. | | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ IMPORTANT PLEASE READ A friend stopped at a pay-at-the-pump gas station to get gas. Once she filled her gas tank and after paying at the pump and starting to leave, the voice of the attendant inside came over the speaker.. @@@@@@@@@@ @@_ _@@ @ o\ /o @ ( > ) \ == / .-\____/-. .----\ '--' /----. / `-. .-' \ | \/ | | :: | | / :: \ | jgs | | :: | | He told her that something happened with her card and that she needed to come inside to pay. The lady was confused because the transaction showed complete and approved. She relayed that to him and was getting ready to leave but the attendant, once again, urged her to come in to pay or there'd be trouble. She proceeded to go inside and started arguing with the attendant about his threat. He told her to calm down and listen carefully: He said that while she was pumping gas, a guy slipped into the back seat of her car on the other side and the attendant had already called the police. .-----. / '. ' .\ |_.__'_.|} (; 6 6 ;) ;, > ,; ;;;~~~;;; ___.';;;;;'.__ /'`\ `\ /` /`'\ / | | | | \ jgs( | |\_/| | @~ ) | | | | | | | /| | | |\ | \ || | | || / ( || | | || ) | || |___| || | \ ||___|[_]|___O| / | | / \O| | She became frightened and looked out in time to see her car door open and the guy slip out. The report is that the new gang initiation thing is to bring back a woman and/or her car. One way they are doing this is crawling under women's cars while they're pumping gas or at grocery stores in the night time. The other way is slipping into unattended cars and kidnapping the women. Please pass this on to other women, young and old alike. Be extra careful going to and from your car at night. If at all possible, don't go alone! This is real!! The message: 1. ALWAYS lock your car doors, even if you're gone for just a second! 2 Check underneath your car when approaching it for re-entry, and check in the back before getting in. 3. Always be aware of your surroundings and of other individuals in your general vicinity, particularly at night! Send this to everyone so your friends can take precaution. AND GUYS...YOU TELL ANY WOMEN YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS Thanks, Barbara Baker, Secretary Directorate of Training U.S. Army Military Police School THIS IS TOO SERIOUS ... DO NOT DELETE PLEASE PASS IT ON! --- ...Great tips! Thanks Fred! =================================================================== >-->From our friends Del, Casey & MrWu :) Celibacy Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?" \\\\\\, /.. \\\ < D \_-'_/ <\ (>,_ / \Y/ /` \ Walter leaned over, touched Ann's || # | | || # | | arm gently and whispered, /| # / / / |=[]/ / /__| /__/| "Robin Hood-All-purpose,isn't it?" //|| |/||\/ And thus began Walter's life of celibacy. ---- ...TeeHee - A good one! ============================================================== >-->From our Friend Becky :) .. ( '`< )( ( ----' '. The Duck & ( ; (_______,' jgs ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ (_)L|J ) (") | ( ,(. A `/ \-| (,`) the Devil )' (' \/\ / | ) (. jgs (' ),). _W_ | (,)' ) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved! In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch the next day Grandma said, "Sally, let's wash the dishes" But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen." .. ( '`< )( ( ----' '. ( ; (_______,' jgs ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?" So Johnny did the dishes. Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper." Sally just smiled and said, "Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help" .. ( '`< )( ( ----' '. ( ; (_______,' jgs ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ She whispered again, "Remember the duck?" So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help. After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's; he finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, "Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you." Thought for the day and every day thereafter? Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... , , , , , <(__)> | | | | \/ | \_|_/ \^ ^/ | /\--/\ /| jgs / \/ \/ | and the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.)...whatever it is... You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing. He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you. The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness; He not only forgives you, but He forgets. It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved. Go ahead and make the difference in someone's life today. Share this with a friend and always remember: God is at the window! When Jesus died on the cross; he was thinking of you! If you are one of the 93 % who will stand up for him forward this w/ the title, "I'm in the 93%" Would you believe 7% of people won't forward this? ---- ...Shame on them! ================================================================== +---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+ ILLINOIS You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. It is a felony offense to eavesdrop on your own conversation. You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile. The English language is not to be spoken. Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. It is an offense to feed whiskey to a dog. It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. ================================================================= >-->You might be a college student if... 1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student. 2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match. 3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal. 4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents. 5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles. 6. If you have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping. 7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II). 8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads. 9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car. 10. If you can pack your worldly possessions into the back of a pick-up (one trip). 11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light. 12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself. 13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night. 14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't 15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week 16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's "free", even though it tastes terrible. 17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy 18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class 19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them 20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class 21. If your social life consists of a date with the library 22. If your idea of "doing your hair" is putting on a baseball cap 23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room 24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that's all you have 25. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class 26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn 27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter 28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over 29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference) 30. If you have built up a tolerance for beverages 31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself 32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis 33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room 34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles 35. If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo 36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes 37. If you get more e-mail than mail. =============================================================== >-->FUN Places to Net Visit :) >From The MouthPiece: THE TOP 10 GEORGE LUCAS SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS To celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars, George Lucas has planned a super great new announcement today that's sure to thrill and piss off his fans to no end. Visit: http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2007/lucas/index.html THE TOP 10 GEORGE LUCAS SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS WORLD'S UGLIEST COUCH CONTEST Take a gander at winners of the annual World's Ugliest Couch Contest. Alongside the picture of each year's winner is info about the owner and what kind of publicity it has received. If you think you're couch is even more hideous than the ones featured on the site, send in a picture. Visit: http://www.surefit.net/promotions/uglycouch/past_winners.cfm World's Ugliest Couch Contest -<>- >From LynnLynns Links John w/ Tech victim Lauren McCain shares her faith online http://heavens-gates.com/vatechlauren/ SwordSisters w/For Pete's Sake http://domania.us/SwordSisters/Inspirations6/CD/ForPetesSake.html THANK HIM NOW http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/THANKHIMNOW.HTML Paintings Via Carol http://www.militarytimes.com/multimedia/video/hancock/ Vets Seamless Transition http://www.seamlesstransition.va.gov/ Hurricane History http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/HAW2/english/history.shtml Low Fat Fast Food Nutritional Data from National Chains http://lowfatlifestyle.com/fastfood.htm To subscribe send a blank email to lynnlynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com ============================================================ >--->Quotes & Thunkers: Cats are like potato chips - you can't have just one! A cat improves the garden in sunshine, and the heart in foul weather. -- Judith Merkle Riley "Some of Michael Jackson's personal processions will be auctioned off in Las Vegas the end of this month. The one thing that Michael won’t be parting with though, is his Pinocchio doll. Do you know about this? Michael will not sell his Pinocchio doll. You know, on the off chance, that one day it might became a real live boy." - Jay Leno "I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane." - Ray Bradbury "Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half." - John Wanamaker "I believe that professional wrestling is clean and every- thing else in the world is fixed." - Frank Deford "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." - Steven Wright ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: a href="http://tinyurl.com/2vrfzv">This Weeks regular Shangy emails ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN LList Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABESS IN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or you'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************ --Want TIPS to help TEACH A CHILD TO BE SAFE and STOP ABDUCTIONS? Child Help ************************************************************************ PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS They keep our service "priceless" -->LET'S Have FUN and Do Some SHOPPING!!! We've got patches, Phones, Almonds, and Chains, Furniture, Chocolates, Cheese, and Games. Clothing, flowers, dishes, and shoes, Desserts, Cherished Teddies, and Auto Tools. We've got NCAA, NFL, MLB, and NBA, Disney, Name a star, Movies, and KinKade. 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