In The Old Days & More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) One thing I forgot to mention that I am sure you probably were not aware of when you went to view one of the pages I programmed for Inspired Buffalo this summer. That is that the picture used is real. I went looking for a unique and stunning picture and found it! . | . / \ I / \ ,g88R_ d888(` ). _ - --== 888( ).=-- .+(` )`. ) Y8P( '`. :( . ) .+(`( . ) .-- `. ( ) ) (( (..__.:'-' .=( ) ` _` ) ) `. `( ) ) ( . ) ( ) ._ ) ` __.:' ) ( ( )) `-'.:(` ) ) ) ( ) --' `- __.' :( )) .-' (_.' .') `( ) )) (_ ) ` __.:' --..,___.--,--'`,---..-.--+--.,,-,,..._.--...-._.-a:f--. It is a very RARE picture of a cloud with a real 'Silver Lining'. Check it out again - truly one of God's Best from nature! Don't Quit http://www.inspiredbuffalo.com/buffalo/dontquit.html Don't Quit! It goes well with this Bible Study Teaching I wrote... Never Give Up: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/nevergiveup.html Never Give Up -<>- >More Animated Gifs... () vvvv .-" "-. .'___ `. / /_/_/ \ ____ | /_/_/ | .%%%%%%. | | /%/_/%%%%\_ \ .::::.%%%%%%%%(_{}-o `. .::::::::%%%%%%%%/ `-._/:/_/::::::\%%%%%' o-3_)::::::::::|"""" \::::::::::/ `::::::::' `````' hjw I've added more Christmas animated gifs under XMAS along with a few more animations bringing the total to over 1500 animated gifs available! Visit the Animated Gifs menu here: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Animated Gifs -<>- >Hot Off The 'SHANGY' Press... These two come from our friend Steve. He sent me their lead in pictures which got the ball started for the 'rest of the' page :) If you are like me Helen Steiner Rice is one of your fav poets and Kincade pictures are lovely and as Opra might say - 'Tah die for'! Anyway, put the two together and you have a beautiful page I am sure you will enjoy :) ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' Keep On Smiling http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smiling.html Keep On Smiling HOWEVER, if the two are a bit too stuffy or boring for your tastes perhaps you might enjoy being taken back to your childhood with this next new funny page, WORMS! Worm songs are a part of my childhood I'll not soon forget! This page has two of them with the midi music for the first one so turn up your volume for it. I, like so many others, could not find the midi music for the second worm song on here. I am sure you'll remember it though :) . . . . . . . . . _.-/`/`'-._ . What a nice day! . /_..--''''_-' . . . . .` //-.__\_\.-' `..' _\\\// --.___ // ___.---.._ _- /@/@\ \ ||`` `-_ .' ,\_\_/ | \_||_/ ,-._ `. ; { o / } "" `-._`. ; ; `-==-' / \_| ; | |>o<| }@@@} | | <(___<) }@@@@} | | <(___<) }@@@@@} | | <\___<) \_.?@@} | ; V`--V`__./@} ; \ tx ooo@} / \ / `. .' `-._ _.-'ls ``------'''''''''------`` WORMS! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/worms.html WORMS -<>- >From our friend Steve :) Steve has given us a new funny audio file to listen to: Tom Mabe http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/files AND New Breakfast Club Picutres here: http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/photos AND The new front page Club Cartoon is from him too! ...THANK YOU Steve! We greatly Appreciate your thoughtfulness! ==================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Little Liar Johnnie One evening as a family was eating dinner, the mother knowing that her young son Johnnie had been telling lot's of lies as of late, announced that she had made arrangements for her son to go over to talk to their priest. The priest had a good reputation for helping people who were compulsive liars. The mother asks her son if he would go over to the parsonage and help the priest with some chores. So Johnnie being a very helpful kid went over. At answering the door the priest ask Johnnie if he was at church Sunday, of course he lied and said yes. "Well," said the priest, "I guess you seen what happened at church Sunday?" "Yes" said Johnnie lying. "Well I guess you saw that big grizzly bear come through the front door and up the aisle grabbing people from their seats and eat them alive?" "Yeah" said Johnnie. .--. / \aa\_ "Well I guess you saw that little dog , \_/ ,_Y) come in right behind him, and stare ((.------`"=( each other down right in the middle of \ \ |o the church?" /) /__\ / / \ \_ / /| "Yeah" said Johnnie, lying again. jgs \_)\__) \_)_) After a few moments of silence the priest finally looked Johnnie straight in the eye and ask Johnnie if he honest to God believed that story. Johnnie replied, without a quiver, "I sure do preacher, that was my Dog!" ==================================================================== +--------------------- Bizarre Wills ----------------------+ Ms. Eleanor Ritchey, the unmarried granddaughter of the founder of Quaker State Oil, died in 1968 with an estate worth around $12 million. According to Scott Bieber in Trusts and Estates magazine: "Under her will, she left over 1,700 pairs of shoes and 1,200 boxes of stationery to the Salvation Army. The rest of the estate went to the dogs." Real dogs, he means - a pack of 150 strays that Ritchey had adopted as pets. When American patriot Patrick Henry died, everything he owned was left to his wife - as long as she never married again. If she did, he forfeited the whole thing. "It would make me unhappy," he explained, "to feel I have worked all my life only to support another man's wife!" She remarried anyway. Robert Louis Stevenson, author of Treasure Island, tried to leave his birthday. He willed it to a good friend who'd complained that since she was born on Christmas, she never got to have a real birthday celebration. An attorney in France left $10,000 to "a local madhouse." The gentleman declared that "it was simply an act of restitution to his clients." An Australian named Francis R. Lord left one shilling to his wife "for tram fare so she can go somewhere and drown herself." The inheritance was never claimed. Sandra West, a wealthy 37-year-old Beverly Hills socialite, left most of her $3 million estate to her brother - provided he made sure she was buried "in my lace nightgown and my Ferrari, with the seat slanted comfortably." That's how she was buried. The Ferrari was surrounded with concrete so no one would be tempted to dig it up and drive away. A woman in Cherokee County, North Carolina left her entire estate to God. The court instructed the county sheriff to find the beneficiary. A few days later, the sheriff returned and submitted his report: "After due and diligent search, God cannot be found in this county." Edgar Bergen, famed ventriloquist, left $10,000 to the Actor's Fund of America - so they could take care of his dummy, Charlie McCarthy, and put him in a show once a year. They went along with it. =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ Best Prayer I Have Heard In A Long Time... Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children. Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester. Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love. If you send this to 5 people, then you have a chance to touch 5 people. Working for God on earth doesn't pay much......but His retirement plan is out of this world! -<,,>- Fwd: November 25, 2007. 5:30 p.m.===NOV. 25, 2007,--12:50 am. Obviously if I cut and paste you will only get the words but the thoughts in their intirety are much nicer. enjoy/ j .'`~~~~~~~~~~~`'. ( .'11 12 1'. ) | :10 \ 2: | | :9 @-> 3: | | :8 4; | '. '..7 6 5..' .' ~-------------~ ldb Please note the exact time YOU read this .. It is mystical--honestly! --- ...I don't know about that. The first one here was 3:16, two were 4:00, and who sent it to Maxy was 5:30 while hers was 12:50. Mine was 4:01. 3:16 seems the only relevant time... ?? This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me, and he asked: COLOR PICTURE HERE... View 'Prayer' pic in Misc Member Photos here: http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/photos My child, what is your greatest wish for today? I responded: "Lord please; take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends.They deserve it and I love them very much" The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but Not its end. This message works on the day you receive it. To some it may sound dumb, but the person who sent this to me was impressed with its timing. Let us see if it is true. ANGELS EXIST, but sometimes, since they don't all have wings we call them FRIENDS, SUCH AS YOU. Pass this on to your true friends. Put the time you read this in the Subject Box as you pass this on to your friends. SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY. SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR. THIS IS NOT A JOKE; SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU BY PHONE OR WILL SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE WAITING TO HEAR. PLEASE DO NOT BREAK THIS C HAIN. AND, SEND IT TO A MINIMUM OF 4 PEOPLE. ...If nothing else, you will be blessed Remember: Believing = Receiving! Thanks Maxy's Pal! Huggums! ======================================================================== >-->From The Mouth: . .. __..---/______//-----. (( ) .".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! )) (.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= ) *--* *--* jnh You Might Be a Bad Driver If... 1. Your friends would rather walk five miles barefoot on asfault in 110 degree heat than accept a ride from you. 2. You go to leave the frat party stone sober and your roomate still insists on hiding your kes and calling a cab. 3. People ask you about "the accident", and you say, which one? 4. You've ever changed a full set of clothes and/or re-done your makeup while on the freeway. 5. You slow down when coming to green lights... and speed up on yellow. 6. You hit a tree and your brother tells you your getting rusty cause you missed the center of the car by a fraction of an inch. 7. You take your eyes off the road and both hands off the steering whell to help your passenger put on their seat belt while driving 65 MPH down the freeway. 8. You use your knees for steering more than your hands. 9. You think red lights & stop signs are a suggestion 10. The police carry separate tickets with your information filled out already. 11. You get pulled over for drunk driving and you are stone sober. 12. You think you have a flat when you hear thump, thump. It's actually just you clipping the orange and white barrels. 13. Curb? What curb? 14. You are the only car in the parking lot and you STILL hit a light pole. 15. You swerve to miss a tree... and it's your air freshener. ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Tony in Australia :) Did you swear the witness in Ralf? \ `, ___ # |/ ? Well, he Was swearing... | , )\ / /__/\ \____ ##### ,- / \_/ \ _/_ #### /\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=## ) "\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\- /_ )# \ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ # __)/ [_______________________________] \___/ /) \ | | .'\$/\`-. /|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( ) __;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_ [________________| / ASCII- \ |________________] | | | _ _ART ____. | | | Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | | | RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | | ____| | -_ ,- | |__ | | `-...,-' | | | | | | |_______________|_____________________________|_______________| / / / / / / Taken from original / / typing by b'ger / and David Palmer's art This is by a daughter of a murdered couple in TORONTO who had a Bible and Bookstore on Bloor Street. When I had to testify at the murder trial of my parents a week ago, I was asked to raise my right hand. The bailiff started out, "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" I stood there and waited but she said nothing more. She said, "Do you?" I was so stunned I blurted out, "What happened to "so help me God?" She came back with "Do you?" I replies yes, but I was perplexed. Then the judge said, "You can say that if you want to." I stopped, raised my right hand and finished with "so help me God!" I told my son and daughter that when it came time for them to testify, they should do the same. It's no wonder we have so many problems in this country. If I'd had my wits about me, I'd have told them that taking God out of the courtroom is only going to result in more criminals and murderers like him being in there. I don't know what can be done about it, but it's time we stepped up and did something. CBC this morning had a poll on this question. They had the highest number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls and the percentage was the same as this: 86% to keep the words; 15% against. That is a pretty commanding public response. I was asked to send this on if I agreed or delete if I didn't. Now it is your turn. It is said that 85% of CANADIANS believe in God. Why don't we just tell the 14% to sit down and SHUT UP! If you agree, pass it on. If not, you know where that friendly little ol' delete button is. Wait! Do you really want to hit that Delete button? Are you so cynical and hard-hearted that you don't believe God will hear people when they call on His name? Now, decide whether to delete or pass it on. --- ...Thanks Tony! Some people just can't/won't be taught. ======================================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From LifeScript: Can Chewing Gum Make You Skinny? You’ve tried everything from the celery diet to the all-salmon program, and still your scale is defiant. You’re not alone in your weight-loss efforts. Scientists are exploring everything from chewing gum to new drugs in an effort to whittle America’s growing waistline... Read more here: http://tinyurl.com/2ur6bp _ _ / )%.===.%( \ | // ,,, \\ | \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) / /o o\ \ )( _ )( (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) Parents Less Distressed Than Non-parents: Survey NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Parents may complain that their kids "drive them crazy," but results of a survey suggest that the opposite might actually be true. The survey of more than 33,400 U.S. adults identified lower levels of anxiety, depression, or other measures of psychological distress among parents than among ... Read More here: http://www.lifescript.com/HA/21495_4238409_4175_0.htm Exercise, Counseling Fights Cancer-related Fatigue NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Both exercise therapy and psychological counseling might offer some relief from the fatigue that often plagues cancer patients, a new research review suggests. In an analysis of 41 clinical trials, researchers found that when they combined the results of the studies, both counseling and ... Read More Here: http://www.lifescript.com/HA/21496_4238409_4175_0.htm -<>- >From Bizarre News: _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' It has always been said that laughter is the best medicine. Scientifically speaking, studies have shown that laughing produces beneficial effects on physical health, including decreasing the secretion of certain stress hormones and boosting blood levels of infection-fighting antibodies. Still, just like any other medicine, overdoses can lead to fatal consequences. Though we often think of the term 'dying laughing' as an exaggeration, there have been cases where an intense case of the chuckles was believed to be the cause of one's demise. Back on March 24, 1975, 50-year-old English bricklayer Alex Mitchell kicked the bucket while roaring with laughter at one of his favorite television shows. His widow witnessed her husband laugh for twenty-five minutes straight, give one last tremendous howl, slump onto the television set and croak. A more recent account was reported just last year from Bangkok, Thailand. It was reported that a 52-year-old ice cream truck driver began laughing in his sleep. After a two-minute episode of the giggles, during which his wife tried to wake him up, the man stopped breathing and died. After an autopsy revealed that the man died of a heart attack, the doctor professed that it was possible that the man could have suffered a heart seizure from laughing too hard. Do the tales of these two men perishing from an overabundance of laughter sound like real life accounts or modern day urban legends? Either way, you might want to contact your physician about what dosage of laughter is right for you. -- Ringing package prompts concern -------------- JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - A bomb squad was called to a Florida home Monday after a woman became concerned that a package sent to her by her estranged husband might be a bomb. Alana Fowler of Jacksonville said she picked the package up from the post office Friday and left the box in her garage, noting she wasn't expecting a package from her soon-to-be ex-husband, The Florida Times-Union reported Monday. Then Saturday, she heard a ringing sound from the box. Fowler said she waited until Monday to call authorities. When the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office bomb squad opened the package, they found a cell phone inside. .__ .-". (o\"\ | | \_\ | | _.---:_ | ("-..-" / Holiday toilets open in New York "-.-" / / | "--" AsH NEW YORK - The Charmin toilet paper people opened a string of free rest rooms on Times Square in New York to give holiday visitors a place to do their business. The toilets were officially opened for the season Monday -- the same day Dick Wilson, the actor who portrayed "Mr. Whipple" in hundreds of Charmin ads, died -- and will be closed New Year's Eve, the New York Daily News reported Tuesday. Attendants have been hired by Charmin to oversee the 20 toilets, which are located on the east side of Broadway between 45th and 46th streets. Users are given the choice between Charmin's Ultra Soft and Ultra Strong line of products. The temporary toilets were lauded by "Saturday Night Live" alum Molly Shannon, who was in attendance for the ceremonial "first flush," the New York Post reported. "I have a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old, and I know what it's like to need a bathroom when you're walking around New York City," the actress said. -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: {}} \| %%%%^. }}{ `--_%%%%%%%_-'({} % % \ }{ % % }{} Cheetah cub escapes % {}{ % }}{ , -=-~{ .-^- _ ejm98 ` A cheetah cub found a way to escape from an exhibit at the St. Louis Zoo. Although officials did not evacuate the zoo Monday, they alerted visitors to go into buildings during the search, KSDK-TV reported. The year-old cub got loose about 10:45 a.m., and was found a short time later, about 30 feet away from the exhibit. The cat was t ranquilized and returned to its habitat. Guard, 71, scares off raw attackers A 71-year-old security guard at a South Florida juice bar gave two armed intruders a bit more than they expected, scaring them off. The two men who approached Benito Valdez were equipped with Halloween masks and at least one handgun, The Miami Herald reported. Valdez was sitting quietly in a chair outside El Palacio de los Jugos in Hialeah. Using skills he learned in the Cuban navy, Valdez kicked one of the men on the arm that was holding the gun. He pulled out his own handgun and fired two shots in the air, scaring the intruders off. "'It all happened in fractions of a second. I figured they would be armed and I used that technique," Valdez said "I could have killed them, but I spared their lives." Valdez described his assailants as "inexperienced young men." He hopes they learn from the experience that crime is not worth the risk. Lead-foot lawmaker clips trooper's toes A lead-foot Pennsylvania state legislator pulled over for speeding allegedly then ran over the state trooper's foot as he pulled out to resume his travels. Democratic Rep. Joe Petrarca was hurrying to the state Capitol in Harrisburg, when he was pulled over on the Pennsylvania Turnpike in Fulton County, The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported. A police report said Petrarca took off "abruptly" after receiving the ticket. Trooper John Beaken received minor injuries. Petrarca, in a news release, apologized for the incident, starting with driving 75 in a 65-mph zone. He said he did not realize he had hit the trooper and stopped as soon as he realized Beaken was hurt. He has been charged with a moving violation in addition to the speeding ticket. =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber's truck in the driveway. "Lord," he pleaded, looking skyward, "please let her be having an affair." -<>- Q. What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini? A. Olive or twist? I went to a store to buy some insecticide. "Is this good for beetles?" I asked the clerk. "No," replied. "It'll kill 'em." -<>- >"in the old days." The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it "in the old days." Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below. Second Runner-Up: In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction. First Runner-Up: In my day, we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you'd weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we'd use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like today. ____ .--`` _``--. /`- __- -\ \ \\`'. // /` `\ \ \\ \ \ / /.` `. \ \ _\'. .-. |// ,,, `._.-` `'.-. / \/ .'` `'. .'` `'. \ / \ /` /=. |/ .--. \/ .--. \ _ `\ /` \ | / ` || / ` | /-& `\ `\ .'-: | : || | : -'. /` `\ | '\ '/ \\ ..` | /` `\ \ (_ `--'` ~~ `'--` _) / /` (_) `--..________..--` (_) `-.___ `-==-` ___.-` /; `-.____.-` `\ /; # \ /: ^ _.-$ \ |# |=====----` _.|# | | _|&====----'` |# | |_.` |##? | `._| | |## | | \_.-``.? .``-._/ | /\ \ / /\ | \ \ `. ____ |` / / \_\ _ /_/ | ` ^ | |# / \ |# |# `. |# |# | .` |# | |? \% \ |# | : --- | |_________| | \ / \ / )(_(_( \ / ) _) _/(__\ And the winner: In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. Honorable Mentions: In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes. In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated. In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked- off voice saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar. In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise. Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just a bunch of gray- haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray- haired, liberal 60-year-old guys. Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight. -<>- Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground. The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. the second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter. The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch." How did you do that?" asked one of his friends. "My watch is 20 minutes slow." ================================================================== >-->From The Jokester: >The Piano Player / /_\_\. o |_____L_/) | | /Y ~~~~~~~~~~~ Ferenc Riesz A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey. The man asks the bartender who owns the monkey. The bartender replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says, "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it." -<>- >The Old Prospector An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to." A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun. The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to." Tell me about it..... ...hiiii haaaaaan... \ /\/\ / / / _/,/ / _/` (/"/////, ( '```--.___ /' _), ,- '-. /, / \ (\ \, \_()/ \) )' =_ )) | | | .// _/) ( ( \_ // / \ >_,\ (/)= / | | | \ #\| / |=| |=|\ ( ( (=> ( >( >),) | | |=| \ ( ( / / / / ) |/ \ /_( /_( , || )/.,_ ). /\\_(\,/, //- / /_(_( / ,\. b'ger .- '-'-'-,)\/.')) MORAL: Don't mess with the old guys. -<>- The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---God, your family, your children, your health, and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. 'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.' One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with friends.' ====================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: _____________ | | \ | PAMPA | | | * | | | | |__ | | __ \______ | |/ \_____ |_________________ | O \___________________/ \ | \\*****; \ \ | \\***********; \ \ ____________| \\************;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; \ \ /____________| \\***** ***; ; | | \ \\*** *; ; \ \ | \\*** * ***;________________; | | \_ \\*** ****;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; | | |_ \\***********;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _|_| | \\*.***;*****;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _/_/ \ \\ ******;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _/_/ \ ____ \\ ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; / |_/__/ \ \\ / / \ \\ / / \ \\ _ /_/ \ \\ / / \ \\ _ / / \ | | \ / / | / / \ / / | \ \ \ | | \_ | | \_ | | \__|/ From: Arty Dewey A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Macy's (formerly known as Marshall Fields), and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes, ma'am. Ya' see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete "city" outfit. Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start? "Well, ma'am, how about a suit?" "Yes, sir. What size?" "Size 53 tall, ma'am." "Wow, that's really big." "Yes, ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas ." "What's next?" she asked. He replied, "How about some shoes?" "What size?" "Size 15 double E." "Wow, that's really big! "Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas " "What's next?" "Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt." "Yes, sir. What size?" "Nineteen and a half neck, sleeves 38," he replied. "Wow, that's really big!" "Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas ." "Will there be anything else?" she asked. "Yes, ma'am. I 'spect I'll need a hat." "Yes, sir. What size? And style?" "Eight and five-eighths. Stetson." "Wow, that's really big!" "Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas " She virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?" "No ma'am, I reckon that will be all." As the sweet young thing tallied up his bill, and as the Texan counted out his money, she blushed and asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?" "Yes, ma'am, I already know what it is. And the answer is four inches." Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!" Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied.............. (Guys....you'll be using this line.......) "From the floor ma'am.......From the floor." -<>- Q. Why do people throw rice at weddings? A. Rice is thrown at a wedding to bestow prosperity and fertility on the couple. In Italy sweets are thrown over the couple as they emerge from the ceremony in the same way we use paper confetti -- "confetti" is Italian for sweets. Raisins and nuts may also be used. ==================================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: Cooking Disability The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg at work and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason Unable to Work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook." -<>- >Hymns vs. Choruses* UPDATED An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. "Well," said the farmer, "it was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns." "Praise choruses?" said his wife. "What are those?" "Oh, they're OK. They are sort of like hymns, only different," said the farmer. "Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife. The farmer said, "Well, it's like this - If I were to say to you: "Martha, the cows are in the corn"' - well, that would be a hymn. If on the other hand, I were to say to you: 'Martha, Martha, Martha, Oh Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA, the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows the white cows, the black and white cows, the COWS, COWS, COWS are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn, the CORN, CORN, CORN.' Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well, that would be a praise chorus." The next weekend, his nephew, a young, new Christian from the city came to visit and attended the local church of the small town. He went home and his mother asked him how it was. "Well," said the young man, "it was good. They did something different however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs." "Hymns?" asked his mother. "What are those?" "Oh, they're OK. They are sort of like regular songs, only different," said the young man. "Well, what's the difference?" asked his mother. The young man said, "Well, it's like this - If I were to say to you: 'Martha, the cows are in the corn' - well, that would be a regular song. If on the other hand, I were to say to you: 'Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth. For the way of the animals who can explain There in their heads is no shadow of sense Hearkenest they in God's sun or His rain Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced. Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed Then goaded by minions of darkness and night They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed. So look to the bright shining day by and by Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn Where no vicious animals make my soul cry And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.' Then if I were to do only verses one, three and four and do a key change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn. REV. SUSIE KNEDLIK >From Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ===================================================================== >-->From PetWarmers: `. ---)..( ||||(,o) ptr "`'" \__/ SO LITTLE BRINGS SO MUCH by Kathy S. Baker Recently I visited a friend, Marvene, who has been in a nursing home for several years. At one time she was my mother's roommate in the home and I still stay in touch with her. Lakepoint Nursing Home is in a small town in Kansas. Although I live in Texas, when I'm there seeing my Dad I always make time to visit Marvene. I knew the home allowed pets to visit, so last week my black and silver Schnauzer, Shiloh, accompanied me. I didn't want to cause too much commotion so we entered through the backdoor which is very close to Marvene's room. Well, Marvene lit up like a candle when we arrived. She had always had pets and adores them. Shiloh is not a trained therapy dog so I was pleasantly surprised that she was very quiet and behaved like a lady. Within a few minutes, Marvene's room was filling up! Aides were bringing people in their wheelchairs while the residents that were ambulatory were popping in, along with some staff members. Shiloh certainly knew she was center stage and greeted each visitor with delight. After sneaking in the back way, I have no idea how word spread so quickly that there was a "critter" in the house. Word had spread like a Kansas tornado! The evening turned into an all-out party for these folks! I couldn't have been more pleased knowing Shiloh had brought such joy to them, even if only for a short while. Each one could hardly wait to get their hands on Shiloh. They were all smiling ear to ear and many had tears in their eyes as they told of the pets they "used" to have. One lady came in and was obviously confused with a far away look. The minute she saw Shiloh she was transformed before my very eyes, and spoke lucidly. I truly think Shiloh knew she was helping these folks. Once the traffic slowed down, Shiloh ended up in my lap with her head on the arm of the chair. Her eyes fixed on the door. "Doesn't anyone else need to see me?" she thought. She felt the love these strangers had for her, and she knew they felt uplifted after petting and loving her. I have often read about the positive results therapy dogs have on the elderly in nursing facilities. After seeing it for myself, I would urge anyone with a well behaved pet to give it a try. Seeing the joy Shiloh brought still has me ecstatic. And, yes, we will be visiting again’ because so little, brought so much, into so many lives. -- Kathy S. Baker ___________________________________________ Kathy says, "I was born in Augusta, Kansas, which is only a few miles outside of Wichita. My childhood was spent growing up in the country. After marrying a native Texan, we moved to Dallas in 1978. A large city has a lot to offer, but I miss the simple life and slower pace. Pets have always played a huge part in my life and I cannot imagine a home without them. Quite to my surprise, I've had stories or poems featured by Petwarmers, Storytime Tapestry, and Starfish in the past year. I have stepchildren, but none of my own. Possibly that is why I have such an attachment to animals. I've always felt my mission in life was giving love and a home to these dear animals God has provided for us to enjoy." ___________________________________________ >LICKED TEARS by Vance Agee .-. ( ( __ __ '-` ___/ _\.-./_ \ ////|//(@ @) \| //////// \./ | (_) |( _ ) ldb____|______|.m_m_______________________________________ Recently, some government officials have proposed the elimination or reduction of animal shelters for lost or stray pets as a way to save money. I only wish they could fully understand the importance of recovering a pet and the importance of animal friends in God's universe. They must have forgotten Coleridge's Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, "He made and loveth all..." Or they need their own animal friend. Pets render immense service in our society -- from providing comfort to those in residential facilities to waking us to a fire or an intruder. Each of us has some element of sadness in our lives. Pets are obviously a comfort which we could find in no other source. We all get "teary-eyed" once in a while, either about something very personal or about a sad event on the news. I believe that holding back heavy crying shows no less depth in our sadness. Actually, without the release of a "good cry", we hurt even more. My daughter lives in Brooklyn Heights, a beautiful area, and works at a great fashion and design firm in the greatest city of the world, New York City. She recently visited us back here in Western New York state. However, all visits come to an end. The most difficult to end are visits home. Before boarding her flight back, she cried in a very controlled way, keeping most sadness inside -- a very normal reaction. She was going back to the city of eight million but away from friends and family. But she has a little friend, a Yorkie, whom she takes almost everywhere with her. A smart and caring little canine. I was amazed at the reaction of this little Yorkie to seeing those tears. At the airport, her Yorkie stretched to her and carefully licked her tears. She did a very thorough job. All around her eyes! She even caused three slight smiles. The value of our animal friends? Priceless. -- Vance Agee ======================================================================== >-->FUN Places to Net Visit: >From The MouthPiece: Chuck Norris Facts .=== / __) _ ( ||_.''. {_} ---- | =/ \ /' : /\_~/() \__.' ____ ---- |_ \ // |''''` |-'8, -- _ : |_ '-[]___/ '.....\--.O {_}'' .'\ // |':```` '...' /\\_/ `, //|\ '.._.' snd // // Discover the world according to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist. See the many fascinating facts about the greatest man to ever walk the earth. Visit: Chuck Norris Facts ---------------------- Internet Movie Database Internet Movie Database is the biggest, best, most award- winning movie and TV site on the planet. Look up facts, quotes, promotional material and other fun stuff about your favorite movies. Visit: Internet Movie Database -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Vietnam Terminology http://www.rjsmith.com/glossary.html Holiday Traditions http://www.californiamall.com/holidaytraditions/ A Picture Review of the Chevrolet from 1916 to 1942 http://www.oldcarandtruckpictures.com/Chevrolet/ Women Of Film Via Bob Jones http://glumbert.com/wii/view.php?name=womenfilm Joyce Ann w/Home For Christmas http://www.poetnmysol.com/christmashome.html Angels Are Watching http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html Jesus Laughing Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.html Holiday Duct Tape http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/holiday/index.html Deck the House http://www.powerpres.com/xmascard03.html Christmas in New York City http://www.nyctourist.com/xmas_in_nyc.htm Cat~Z's Christmas Music http://www.wtv-zone.com/April/Christmas/Christmas.html Can't Catch http://buffalosjokes.com/080312.htm Relax http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1124107.htm Japan TV http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21307.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The day after Thanksgiving is the busiest shopping day of the year. I went out. It was aggressive. I got pushed, I got shoved, I got groped. Heck I'm going back tomorrow!" --Dave Letterman "Are you like me and on Thanksgiving you really didn't give thanks until the relatives went home?" --Jay Leno "I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades." -Demetri Martin "The first thing I did after being hired as the director of learning technology at a high school was to change the sign outside my door -- the one that had my name followed by the acronym D.O.L.T." "According to a new study, ladies and gentlemen, you can improve your memory by watching less TV, doing crossword puzzles, eating more fish – I can't remember all that." --Dave Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :)Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ********************************************************************** -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************