Instructed By Chromosomes And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another Angel! Grace Michael has joined forces to help Keep Shangrala Alive this year with her sweet donation! Please Bless her in return and visit her site here: http://www.4uhealingproducts.com/ If you'd like to help too and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >We've Got TWO Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press: The newest page is from our friend and my daughter Tammy. Lots of big lovable characters here! They look so soft and hugable yet we all know these wild animals are to be given due respect! Check them out her... _ _ (c\-.--/a) |q: p /\_ _____ __\(_/ ).' '---._.---'` '---.__ / (Y_)_/ / : \-._ \ !!!!,,, \_))'-'; ( _/ \ '\\_ !!II!!!!!IIII,, \_ \ / \_ '.\ !IIsndIIIII!!!!,,\ /_ \ |----.___ '-. \'.__ !!!IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII\ | '--._.-' _) \ | `'--' '''!!!!IIIIIII/ .',, ((___.-' / / '''!!!!/ _/!!!!IIIIIII!!!!!,,,,,;,;,,,..... | /IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII | \ ''IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII \_,) '''''!!!!IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!! ''''''''''!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! World Of Big Cats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html --- ...Awesome! Thanks Tammy! This second one comes from a forward from our friend Jo Ann. I found it a pretty sweet one and could not resist doing it up right away for all of us to enjoy. Check it out here... /~\/~\/~\ /\~/~\/~\/~\/~\ ((/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\)) (/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\) (//// ~ ~ \\\\) (\\\\( (0) (0) )////) (\\\\( __\-/__ )////) (\\\( /-\ )///) (\\\( (""""") )///) (\\\( \^^^/ )///) (\\\( )///) (\/~\/~\/~\/) ** (\/~\/~\/) *####* | | **** /| | | |\ \\ _/ | | | | \_ _________// HAVE A GREAT DAY! (,,)(,,)_(,,)(,,)--------' Thoughts For Today http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thoughts.html --- ...Thank You Jo Ann!! -<>- *~* We've Had A Super Month Of Sharing - Lots Of FUN New Pages: Rarely Seen Babies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyanimals.html Look Who's Talking! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking.html Look Who's Talking 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking2.html Garage Door Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garageart.html Friendship! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendship.html Just Thinking! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendship.html Beaches In India! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches.html Montreal Gardens! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montreal.html MacGyver - How To Do It! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver.html It's A Dog's World! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsworld.html Watermelon Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon.html -- PLEASE BE SURE TO VISIT AND PASS ON ALL OF THESE -- *~* Thank You & Big Hugs To All Our Contributors!! -<>- >-->From Our Friends at TruthOrTradition: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Subscribe to our monthly audio teachings... Monthly Audio Teachings for you FREE to download... http://www.truthortradition.com/emails/itunes_podcast_email2.html =============================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: Instructed By The Chromosomes All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. ,==. |~~~ / 66\ | Because there are only so many \c -_) |~~~ cells to go around, the cells `) ( | necessary to develop a male's / \ |~~~ reproductive organs have to come / \ \ | from cells already assigned (( /\ \_ |~~~ elsewhere in the female. Recent \\ \ `--`| tests have shown that these cells / / / |~~~ are removed from the communica- jgs___ (_(___)_| tions center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak. And some of their cards are in their shorts. This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls. Little girls will think about doing things before taking any action. Little boys will just punch or kick something and will look surprised if someone asks them why they just punched their little brother who was half asleep and looking the other way. This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty not only the size of the male .'. and female brains differ but the center of / '. __ thought also differs. Women think with | '. / their heads. Male thoughts often originate _|________'.______/ lower in their bodies where their ex-brain | | cells reside. Of course, the size of \ / this problem varies from man to man. In '.--. .--.' some men only a small number of brain / \__/ \ cells migrate and they are left with jgs \ / \ / nearly full mental capacity but they '--' '--' tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as "Republicans." Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as "Democrats." A small number of these men suffer massive brain cell migration either to their groins or to their buttocks. These men are usually referred to as..."Mr. President." ==================================================================== +-------------- Bizarre September Holidays ----------------+ September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day September 2 is National Beheading Day September 3 is Skyscraper Day September 4 is Newspaper Carrier Day September 5 is Be Late For Something Day September 6 is Fight Procrastination Day September 7 is Neither Rain Nor Snow Day September 8 is National Date Nut Bread Day and Pardon Day September 9 is Teddy Bear Day September 10 is Swap Ideas Day =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend James :) Thoughts http://www.rirose.net/thoughts/Aug/27.html --- ...TeeHee! What A Funny! Thanks James! -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Just Think About This... "Teacher, we know that you are a truthful man and that you are not concerned with anyone's opinion." For the longest time, I was overly concerned about others' opinion about me. In my case, it took the form of fear. I wanted to please others so much that I'd be scared to rock the boat and incur someone's ire or cause others to dislike me. When I could have sided or defended someone, but it would make me less popular or less "in," I remained silent and passed up the chance to love or to stand up for the truth. Now I realize that that was a mistake. How many opportunities to love have I missed out because of that fear? So when I made certain career choices in my life Ч like working as a full-time lay missionary for 10 years and going into evangelistic journalism Ч I know that it was grace that enabled me to stand up for God and what He had called me to do. These were instances when I heeded His voice above the clamor of family, friends and the world. And despite the pain I went through in the choices I made, I never regretted them. I pray that truth and charity alone may urge me on in life. How about you? Joy Sosoban REFLECTION: Do I allow others to sway me in my decisions, much to my regret later on? It is not always easy to follow Your voice, O Lord. Enable me to do so. --- ...Interesting! Thank You James! That good old peer pressure I have heard so much about. It never really bothered me. I was taught 3 things that made me not worry about what others think. #1: People often like to put down and make fun of others to feel better about themselves. So if you have someone putting you down then you know it is because you are so much better then they feel they are. Pray for them. They have low self esteem. Like wise, if you find you are making fun of others quite often, then it is time to get an attitude check for yourself and do what you need to do to feel better about yourself. Then you will be happy. #2: No matter what you do there is no way you can please all of the people all of the time. Some people only feel good if they are criticizing some one else - refer to #1. Every one is different so people naturally have different likes and dislikes. You have to do what pleases you. Then you will be happy. #3: As long as you are doing what pleases God then do not worry if it pleases any one else. All that matters is God Almighty. If what you do pleases your creator then every thing else will fall into place either now or in the future. People come and go but God will always be there for you. He is the one to please first and foremost and always. After all, you have to spend eternity with Him, not your neighbor! Duh! =================================================================== >-->My Child, I'm With You by Debbie Preuss My child I'm with you wherever you go; What you are facing, I surely do know. At the time things happen, I am there, Because for you My child I care. I am the Rock for you to build on, Every day from dawn to dawn; Your solid foundation, I won't fade away - All through the ages, I truly will stay. I provide what you need, so you do not thirst, When you choose to put Me first. You must remember I'm not caught by surprise; I don't make mistakes, I won't tell you lies. I am with you when you face the foe, Wherever you are, I surely know. I've prepared the way ahead of you, So know I'll also bring you through. You may lose earthly things, this is true, But you have what you need, for I love you. At the time things happen, I am there, Because for you, My child I care. What you are facing, I surely do know. My child I am with you wherever you go. ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) >Please read the whole thing,,, You'll love it. I am reminded that "God Works in Mysterious Ways" __ ___ / / ___( (\_( ) )/ / |\___` \\_\/_/_/_\ | | ____/\_\`._._...^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\ | ||\__/ '_\ \`_._\.; \_\ |\\)\)\| \ \|| | | | | | | \ \ \|-\\ \ | \ || | |^| | | | \ \ \ | | | | ннннн------------------- \|ejm__| |____| Tampons (A TRUE STORY) Tampons to the rescue in Iraq!! Don't worry, it's a good story, and worth reading. It's even humorous in parts. It's from the mother of a Marine in Iraq . My son told me how wonderful the care packages we had sent them from the ladies auxiliary were and wanted me to tell everyone thank you. He said that one guy we'll call Marine X, got a female care package and everyone was giving him a hard time. My son said, 'Marine X got some really nice smelling lotion and everyone really likes it, so every time he goes to sleep they steal it from him.' I told my son I was really sorry about the mistake, and if he wanted I would send Marine X another package. He told me not to worry about Marine X because every time I send something to him, he shares it with Marine X. He said when my husband and I sent the last care package, Marine X came over to his cot picked up the box, started fishing through it, and said, 'What'd we get this time?' But my son said they had the most fun with Marine X's package. He said he wasn't sure who it was supposed to go to, but the *panties* were size 20, and he said one of the guys got on top of the Humvee and jumped off with the panties over his head and yelled, 'Look at me, I'm a n Airborne Ranger!!!!' One of the guys attached the panties to an antenna and it blew in the wind like a windsock. He said it entertained them for quite awhile. Then of course.......they had those tampons. When he brought this up, my imagination just went running, but he continued. My son said they had to go on a mission and Marine X wanted the Chap-Stick and lotion for the trip.. He grabbed a bunch of the items from his care package and got in the Humvee. As luck would have it he grabbed the tampons too, and my son said everyone was teasing him about 'not forgetting his feminine hygiene products.' He said things went well for a while, then the convoy was ambushed and a Marine was shot. He said the wound w as pretty clean, but it was deep. He said they were administering first aid but couldn't get the bleeding to slow down, and someone said, 'Hey! Use Marine X's tampons!' My son said they put the tampon in the wound. At this point my son profoundly told Me, 'Mom, did you know that tampo ns expand?' ('Well....yeah!') They successfully slowed the bleeding until the guy got better medical attention. When they went to check on him later, the surgeon told them, 'You guys saved his life. If you hadn't stopped that bleeding he would have bled to death.' My Son said, 'Mom, the tampons sent by the Marine Moms by mistake saved a Marine's life.' At this point I asked him, 'Well, what did you do with the rest of the tampons?' He said, 'Oh, we divided them up and we all have them in our flak jackets, and I kept two for our first aid kit.' I am absolutely amazed by the ingenuity of our Marines I can't believe that something that started out as a mistake then turned into a joke, ended up saving someone's life. My sister said she doesn't believe in mistakes. She believes God had a plan all along. She believes that 'female care package' was sent to Marine X to save our Marine. Either way, our efforts have boosted the morale of many Marines, provided much needed items for our troops, AND saved the life of a Marine! God bless every one of you for your efforts and hard work, and God bless our Marines, Army, Navy, Air Force and all our military service personnel. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND KEEP IT SAFE! I'm not breaking this one. If I get it a 1000 times, I'll forward it a 1000 times! Let us pray... Prayer chain for our Military... Don't break it! Please send this on after a short prayer. Prayer for our soldiers. Don't break it! Prayer: 'Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. In Jesus Christ's Name, Amen.' Prayer Request: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world. There is nothing attached. Just send this to people in your address book. Do not let it stop with you Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, & others deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best one. GOD BLESS YOU FOR PASSING IT ON. --- ...What A sweet Story! Thank You Viv! -<>- ______________ .-~.------------.~-. ,-~ ,'| /// || // `, ~-,_ ,''"'`--|--------|`--------~~~ ~~- .,_ > _|__~ | ~ `. ____ ~ -. I ,',--.`. | : ,'.--.`. `.__) I======: ::____|__________;_;: ::======( `------`. .'-------------------`. .'`------' unknown >Take the time to read this one..... As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in my car and continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty-five feet away. I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm, walking towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming too and took a few steps towards him. I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something. The young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac Escalade and then turn back to the old man and I heard him yell at the old gentleman saying, 'You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at your age.' And then with a wave of his hand, he got in his car and peeled rubber out of the parking lot. I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief and mop his brow as he went back to his car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his wife and spoke with her and appeared to tell her it would be okay. I had seen enough and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight and as I got near him I said, 'Looks like you're having a problem.' He smiled sheepishly and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood myself and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me. Looking around I saw a gas station up the road and told the old gentleman that I would be right back. I drove to the station and went inside and saw three attendants working on cars. I approached one of them and related the problem the old man had with his car and offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help him. The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife. When he saw us he straightened up and thanked me for my help. As the mechanics diagnosed the problem (overheated engine) I spoke with the old gentleman. When I shook hands with him earlier he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine too. I nodded and asked the usual question, 'What outfit did you serve with?' He had mentioned that he served with the first Marine Division at Tarawa, Saipan, Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal. He had hit all the big ones and retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked we heard the car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me and I told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card. He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and address on it and I stuck it in my pocket. We all shook hands all around again and I said my goodbye's to his wife. I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back up to the station. Once at the station I told them that they had interrupted their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for the help, but they refused to charge me. One of them pulled out a card from his pocket looking exactly like the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then, that they were Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all around and as I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had given to me and I said I would and drove off. For some reason I had gone about two blocks when I pulled over and took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long, time. The name of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and under his name......... 'Congressional Medal of Honor Society.' I sat there motionless looking at the card and reading it over and over. I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together, because one of us needed help. He was an old man all right, but it felt good to have stood next to greatness and courage and an honor to have been in his presence. --------------------------------------------------------------- America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. .. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .$$$$. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. .$$$$$ * * * * * * * * * * ::::::::::::::::::::::::::. .::::::::' * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$F * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$d$$$$$$$" ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L ;; ;::::::::::::::::;; ;;:::. $$$$$$" "" $$$$$; Donna Shepherd ^$$" $$$$ "" If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!!! --- ...Wowsers! Another Great one! Thanks Viv! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) >Bet you'll send it!! She sent us a great picture! I added it as our group home page photo! Thank You Sandi! -<>- .. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .$$$$. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. .$$$$$ * * * * * * * * * * ::::::::::::::::::::::::::. .::::::::' * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$F * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$d$$$$$$$" ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L ;; ;::::::::::::::::;; ;;:::. $$$$$$" "" $$$$$; Donna Shepherd ^$$" $$$$ "" >A Patriotic retirement: There's about 40 million people over 50 in The work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with stipulations: 1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed. 3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed. Some people make things so complicated when they don't have to be. --- ...Sounds like a plan to me! Thanks Sandi! -<>- .. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .$$$$. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. .$$$$$ * * * * * * * * * * ::::::::::::::::::::::::::. .::::::::' * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$F * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$d$$$$$$$" ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L ;; ;::::::::::::::::;; ;;:::. $$$$$$" "" $$$$$; Donna Shepherd ^$$" $$$$ "" >Please Participate. We have a less than one month and counting to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America. If you forward this email to least 11 people and each of those people do the same ... You get the idea. >THE PROGRAM: On Friday, September 11th, 2009, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this eighth anniversary of one of our country's worst tragedies. We do this to honor those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms. In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to -shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds. >Action Plan: So, here's what we need you to do... (1) Forward this email to everyone you know (at least 11 people). Please don't be the one to break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you. (2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year-round, but if you don't, then at least make it a priority on this day. Thank you for your participation. God Bless You and God Bless America! --- ...Thank You Sandi! I can tell with these forwards that we're getting close to 9/11. We're getting even more Patriotic! We fly one every day. ALSO I refresh our window flags here about this time every year! Please go here and print yours out... Print USA Flag http://printourflag.tripod.com/ #1: right-click on the big flag and select 'View Image' #2: Print screen or save flag image for your printing program. #3: Tape to window(s) of choice =============================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: >From CCA: Roberta Combs, President Capitol Hill Update: Will Blue Dog Democrats Save Obama From Himself? The Republicans are now in a win-win situation regarding Obamacare which is now called the "Edward M. Kennedy Memorial Health Care Reform Act" or nicknamed "ObamaTeddyCare". The Democrat leadership in Congress - cynical as ever - are trying to increase support for their deader-than-a-door-nail Obamacare and are taking advantage of Senator Kennedy's death by renaming this disastrous bill. George Stephanopoulos, of ABC's Sunday morning talk show, told Laura Ingraham on Bill O'Reilly's show last night that Kennedy's death won't make that much difference in the health care debate. Stephanopoulos said if anything passes this year, it will have to be a scaled-back bill. The liberals will have to accept a compromise and forget about the government option Stephanopoulos said. The moderate Democrats in Congress - named the "Blue Dog Democrats", who represent some 50 to 60 moderate to conservative congressional districts - know such a compromise health care bill needs to be the final bill which passes or many of them will lose their seats next year... (Read More) http://cc.org/blog/capitol_hill_update_will_blue_dog_democrats_save_obama_himself ---------- Once and For All, Obamacare Does Fund Abortions President Barack Obama knows that if his universal health care bill - with the government option - actually does pass Congress against the wishes of a large majority of the American people, including a vast majority of senior citizens, abortion will indeed be funded with American tax dollars. As "The Washington Times" editorial on Monday said: "President Obama isn't being straight when he says current health care proposals don't provide government funding for abortion. They do. If Democratic plans are passed, your taxes will pay for abortions." The Associated Press on August 5th had a headline "Gov't insurance would allow coverage for abortion." And the "Times" said in response: "There's no wiggle room in that headline." Once and for all, Obamacare does fund abortions! The president is on very shaky ground considering the American people - by and large - do not yet even know about this fact: Citizens will pay for abortions, even though that is likely an abomination to them; he is trying to pass a universal health care bill in a country which recently tipped over to the pro-life side in the abortion debate. But worse for the president, is the reality that some 70% of the American people do not want their tax dollars to pay for abortions... (Read More) http://cc.org/commentary/once_and_all_obamacare_does_fund_abortions ---------- Join the Campaign to Stop Obamacare Health Care Action Center http://cc.org/Health_Care_Action_Center -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Man's sign 'punishment' for cheating ----------- CENTREVILLE, Va. - A Virginia man publicly displaying a sign confessing his adultery said the message is a punish- ment chosen by his wife. William Taylor of Centreville held his sign on a street corner near Tysons Corner Mall for most of the morning commute Wednesday and said he would be back Thursday, Friday and possibly more days in the future, WTTG-TV, Washington, reported Thursday. "I cheated and this is my punishment," Taylor's sign reads. He said the sign was his wife's idea. "I thought she was kidding, but she was serious. I figured I got to do what I got to do to makes things right. So here I am," Taylor said. -- The Wallendas Still Flying High ------------- CHARLOTTE, N.C. - A seventh-generation high rope walker crossed the U.S. state line between the Carolinas twice while 125 feet above the ground, observers say. Nik Wallenda, 30, did it without a safety net or harness. Wallenda, the seventh generation of the venerable Flying Wallendas crossed from one state to the other in about 10 minutes on a rope fixed to attractions at the border- straddling Carowinds theme park Sunday afternoon, the Charlotte (N.C.) Observer reported. Wallenda, who holds world records for the longest distance and greatest height ever traveled by bicycle on a high rope, said the heat, which reached the upper 80s Sunday, was not as hard on him as it was on the assembled crowd on the ground. "There's a lot more breeze up that high, so it wasn't so hot up there," he said. "Of course, the humidity actually affects how I walk the wire and how my shoes grip the wire." The performer said he plans future walks over the Grand Canyon, New York's Central Park, Niagara Falls and a NASCAR race. -- Woman arrested in air freshener attack --------- NICEVILLE, Fla. - Police in Florida said they arrested a woman for attacking a smoker with air freshener sprayed from a can. Niceville police allege the woman was waving the can of Glade Potpourri Air Freshener around the other woman's head while dispensing its contents at a Niceville apartment complex Friday, the Northwest Florida Daily News of Fort Walton Beach reported. The woman then allegedly pointed the can at the back of the other woman's head and sprayed it for nearly a full minute. Police said she told the victim she would keep using the spray can as long as the victim kept smoking in front of the attacker's apart- ment. "I will do it again, and take it to the Supreme Court because I have the right to breathe fresh air," the police report quoted the suspect as saying. The woman was arrested and charged with battery. _)) > *\ _~ `;'\\__-' \_ | ) _ \ \ ejm97 / / `` w w w w -- Car at repair shop had goat in trunk ------------ WINONA, Minn. - Authorities in Minnesota said a goat found in the trunk of a woman's car when she took it to a repair shop has been placed in the care of a veterinarian. James Prusci, an auto repairman with Tires Plus in Winona, said a woman came into the store just before noon Friday and informed him there was a live goat in her trunk, the Winona Daily News reported. Prusci said the woman told him she planned to butcher the animal but her car broke down en route to St. Paul, Minn. Workers heard the goal crying in the trunk. The goat was painted the Minnesota Vikings colors, purple and gold, and had the No. 4 -- Vikings newcomer Brett Favre's number -- shaved into its side, Prusci said. The mechanic said he called animal control and a vehicle from the service arrived with two police cars as the woman was preparing to drive away. Winona Police Sgt. Chris Nelson said the goat was placed in the care of a veterinarian. He did not say whether the woman or a man who was waiting for her outside of the repair shop was cited. ======================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >Know Whose You Are (By Melanie Chitwood) "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are." 1 John 3:1 (NAS) One day at church when a man asked my five-year-old son his name, Zachary responded, "Zachary Patrick Chitwood, son of Scott Joseph Chitwood." I'm not sure what that little five year old was thinking or why he responded that way. I had certainly never heard this answer before, but I sure liked it! Zachary knew who he was. He knew who he belonged to! How would you answer if someone asked you who you are? My first response would be that I am Melanie Chitwood: a wife, a mother, a daughter, a writer, a speaker, a teacher, a friend, and a child of God. Yes, like Zachary, I know Who I belong to. I know I'm a child of God. When I was sixteen years old at a Young Life camp in North Carolina, I sat on a rock, gazed up at the stars in the night sky, and prayed a prayer that changed my life. 'Lord, I know that You love me and want me to be in a relationship with You. Thank You that You died on a cross to pay the penalty for my sins. Thank You that I am forgiven. I want You to be my Savior and Lord. I want to live for You.' >From that day forward, I was a child of God. The truth is sometimes I forget who I belong to. I forget that God alone gives me my identity. If I dig a little deeper and answer with complete honesty the question of who I am, my answer includes these responses: I am someone who struggles with losing the same ten pounds; sometimes I respond in fear rather than faith; I can be selfish and not want to serve others; I've made mistakes in the past and can carry them around like a ball and chain. The truth is that sometimes I let my past, my feelings, and others' disapproval of me define me; rather than letting God and His Word define me. However, the closer I grow to the Lord, the more I understand that those other definitions are lies, not the truth. God's enemy, Satan, is a liar who wants to keep me from walking in the truth. The truth of who I am is found in God's Word. I know who I am when I know Whose I am. Let these statements remind you of who you are and Whose you are: - Nothing can separate you from God's love (Romans 8: 35 - 39). - You are God's work of art, His masterpiecce (Ephesians 2:10). - God does not condemn you (Romans 8: 1,2).. - God loves you so much that the price He ppaid to have a relationship with you was His own life (1 Corinthians 6: 20). - Jesus is your Daddy (Romans 8:15). God's love for you is everlasting and unfailing. He wants you to have a relationship with Him where you grow closer to Him and look more like Him as you abide in His truth. Rest in the truth that His steadfast love never fails. Prayer: "Dear Father, I am so thankful that I am Your child and that You love me. I am thankful that Your love never changes and that nothing will take Your love away from me. Open my eyes to any lies I'm believing about myself and my life. Help me to believe only You - not Satan, not my feelings, not what anyone else says. In Jesus' Name, Amen." Application Steps: Do you recognize any lies you're believing? Ask God to reveal them to you. When you are tempted to believe lies rather than God's truth, practice taking your thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). For example, if you begin to think to yourself, "God could never forgive me for this sin," recognize this is a lie. Replace the lie with a truth: Jesus has promised to forgive every sin - past, present, and future (Colossians 1: 13, 14). Additional Verses: Colossians 1:13, 14: "For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins" (NAS). Romans 12:2: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect" (NAS). 2 Corinthians 10:5: "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" (NAS). -<>- ,----------------. ( It's a thought `------------. > Just a thought and nothing ) ( but a thought... )-----' `---( )------' `-----(_)--' 0 o Ojo >THE WORLD'S WORST JOBS - Nuclear Warhead Sensistivity Technician - Circus Elephant Clean Up Specialist - Rotten Sardine Taste Detector - Assistant To The Boss's Nephew - Shark Baiter - Russian Cartographer - Vice President, Screen Door Sales, North Pole Division - Hurricane Photographer - Director Of Public Relations, Chernobyl NNuclear Facility - The Person Responsible For Replacing Urinnal Deodorizers - Prison Glee Club President - Road Kill Removal Crew -<>- >Three students are leaving their last classes of the day. The law student is thinking, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have coffee." The English student is thinking, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have a latte." The medical student is thinking, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes." -------- Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans...all for a dollar!!" Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore.....they got those video cameras everywhere you look." -------- While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and asked, "Does anyone remember what these mean?" A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. "One means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!" -------- A travel agent said to his customer, "I can get you three days and two nights in Rome for a hundred bucks." "How come so cheap?" replied the customer. The travel agent replied, "The days are July 11, 12 and 13. The nights are July 21 and 22." -<>- | | | | | | | | | | | | [ ] | | ))) | | (((()/) | | \_/// | | | | // / | | | | \\_/ | | | | ||| | | |_|_(_(_)___|___| \ \ jro >The Elevator An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, father?" The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother." -<>- >Eight Levels of Happiness - Your metabolism changes so that you can llose weight eating chocolate. - You realize that your kid's report card wwas really a bad dream. - Your computer actually crashes when the ttechnician is there. - You bought Amazon.com 10 years ago -- andd held it. - Steven Speilberg calls your boss looking for you. - You haven't put on weight -- your clothess shrank. - Your child calls from college just to sayy hi. - The IRS loses your name. -------- In my job with a credit union, I often run across accounts that are protected by password. The credit-union member, when withdrawing funds, must produce identification and then give the password to the teller. Recently, when I asked a woman for her password, she sighed, rolled her eyes and replied, "Save." I was puzzled until she explained, "My husband put in that password so I'd have to say it every time I make a withdrawal." -------- Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En-route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55." -<>- _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >Dr. Seuss performs a wedding... Pastor: Will you answer me right now These questions, as your wedding vow? Groom: Yes, I will answer right now Your questions as my wedding vow. Pastor: Will you take her as your wife? Will you love her all your life? Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife, Yes, I'll love her all my life. Pastor: Will you have, and also hold Just as you have at this time told? Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold, Just as I have at this time told, Yes, I will love her all my life As I now take her as my wife. Pastor: Will you love through good and bad? Whether you're happy or sad? Groom: Yes, I'll love through good and bad, Whether we're happy or sad, Yes, I will have and I will hold Just as I have already told, Yes, I will love her all my life, Yes, I will take her as my wife! Pastor: Will you love her if you're rich? Or if you're poor, and in a ditch? Groom: Yes, I'll love her if we're rich, And I will love her in a ditch, I'll love her through good times and bad, Whether we are happy or sad, Yes, I will have, and I will hold (I could have sworn this has been told!) I promise to love all my life This woman, as my lawful wife! Pastor: Will you love her when you're fit, And also when you're feeling sick? Groom: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit, And when we're hurt, and when we're sick, And I will love her when we're rich And I will love her in a ditch And I will love through good and bad, And I will love when glad or sad, And I will have, and I will hold Ten years from now a thousandfold, Yes, I will love for my whole life This lovely woman as my wife! Pastor: Will you love with all your heart? Will you love till death you part? Groom: Yes, I'll love with all my heart From now until death do us part, And I will love her when we're rich, And when we're broke and in a ditch, And when we're fit, and when we're sick, (Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?) And I will love through good and bad, And I will love when glad or sad, And I will have, and I will hold, And if I might now be so bold, I'll love her my entire life, Yes, I WILL take her as my wife! Pastor: Then if you'll take her as your wife, And if you'll love her all your life, And if you'll have, and if you'll hold, From now until the stars grow cold, And if you'll love through good and bad, And whether you're happy or sad, And love in sickness, and in health, And when you're poor, and when in wealth, And if you'll love with all your heart, From now until death do you part, Yes, if you'll love her through and through, Please answer with these words: Pastor and Groom: I DO! Pastor: You're married now! So kiss the bride, But please, do keep it dignified. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ==================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ______________________________________ | | _.---------|.--. | .-' ` .'/ `` | .-' .' | /| | .-' | / `.__// | .-' _.--/ / | | _ .-' / / | | ._ \ / ` / | | ` . / ` / | | \ \ '/ / | | - \ / /| | | ' .' / | | | ' |.'| | | | | | | | |______________________________________| | |.' | / | / | / ) /| .A/`-. / | AMMMA. `-._ / / AMMMMMMMMA. `-. / / AMMMMMMMMMMMMA. `. / AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. / MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMV' Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Williamsburg, Va., Prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address him by name. Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg, Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said. "Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco." [Contributed to Reader's Digest.] -<>- My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure to get moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum. "I went to the bookstore," she explained, "and I bought a book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was working, I found the same darn book. I had bought it a couple of years ago." -<>- A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, you idiot." -<>- hi joe, oddly enough i heard this joke from an evangelist in a revival meeting im my local church. There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canarries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep half of them flying at all times." Thanx for the daily laughs I don't have to feel guilty about! --Thomas. Spanaway, Wa. [This was a good one Tom. Just when I thought I've heard 'em all somebody comes up with a gem.] -<>- A man is seated in a football stadium with a small TV set tuned to the game. The sideline camera takes the picture, and his image travels through the lens, out of the camera, to the truck, to the satellite, to a ground station several miles away, back into the air, and to the man's TV set. He sees himself on the screen. The image travels from his eyes to his brain. His brain sends a signal to his arm to start waving. The image travels to the camera, through the lens, to the truck, to the satellite, to another ground station a thousand miles away where it is retransmitted into the air and picked up by a cable company that sends it to the man's parent's TV set. The image travels from the screen to his mother's eyes, along the optic nerve to her brain, where it references her memory and recognition takes place. Her brain then sends a series of signals to her lungs, throat, lips, and tongue, and she says, "Look, it's Miller!" --George Carlin -<>- A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee." -<>- One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?" She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?" Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce." ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) You are going to laugh at this one..or maybe I'm just tired silly... /'=----= ______ (( || "--.__." " @>||_____________// _______ /^\"""""""""""//\========) _--"""--/-. "\ // _\-:::-/_-. ." .-"""-/ "_\ "\ == // ;::\:::/::".\ ; / _/ " \\ "\-+//--..._\_/:::::\\ . ; o . || ( ()/)======(o)::::::. . \ ; .| -|.;____...."b:::::; . -._ _ - ; == :::::::::::; "-..____.' ls ":::::::' >Two Mexicans and a Bicycle Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Lafayette, Louisiana. One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the trailer as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts the hammer down and sure enough, a blond cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies "Mexican eggs." The Blond Lady Cop obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look in the trailer. She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. She gets on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the Swat Team. The dispatcher asks what emergency she has that require so many officers. "I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it. Two have hatched and they've already managed to steal a bicycle!" --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Maxy's Pal! I think this one is more for those around the border where they have seen practically everything! The war is hot and heavy and a little humor helps get them by. See what I mean here: http://boston.com/bigpicture/2009/03/mexicos_drug_war.html ================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ The Best Position To Pray Is...( From Pastor Tim) Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Short Funnies: A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?" ========================= Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? He had to break a window to get the drummer out! ========================= We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor. ========================== @ ) (_m_\ \\" _.`~. `(#'/.\) .>' (_--, _=/d . ^\ ~~ \)-' ' / | ptr ##'##'#after a:f############## ################################# Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums. One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums." Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!" ========================== While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too." ============================= Five-year-old Johnny was scolded by his older brother, "Why do you keep falling for that 'nickel or dime' routine every time a grown-up tries it on you?" Johnny explained, "I know the difference between a nickel and a dime but if I let them know they will stop offering." ============================== While I was visiting my sister at college, we entered the cafeteria, and she immediately warned me to stay away from the main course. "How do you know it isn't good?" I asked. "You haven't even seen it." She pointed to the tub of peanut butter, which was always available as an alternative, and explained, "Any time there are more than five knives in the peanut butter, you know the food is bad." ============================= A man walked into the local Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. Seeing a man at the counter, the stranger asks, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?" To which the man behind the counter immediately quipped, "Yes, but we can't prove it yet!" =============================== After a fire and brimstone message, a woman went up to the Preacher saying, "I want to lay my tongue on the alter, asking God's forgiveness for my gossiping." The preacher replied, "Sister Jones, here's 30 feet. Do the best you can." =============================== Some people say worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere. Personally, I think worrying works, because after staying up half the night worrying about them, most of the things I worry about never happen anyhow. ~~~~~~~~~~~Lawrence Brotherton ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hymns: From The Files of Andy The Dentist's Hymn...........Crown Him With Many Crowns The Weatherman's Hymn........There shall be showers of Blessing The Contractor's Hymn........The Church's One Foundation The Tailor's Hymn............Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer's Hymn............There is A Green Hill Far Away The Politician's Hymn........Standing on the Promises The Optometrist's Hymn.......Open My Eyes That I Might See The IRS Agent's Hymn.........I Surrender All The Gossip's Hymn............Pass It On The Electrician's Hymn.......Send the Light The Shopper's Hymn...........Sweet By and By The Realtors Hymn............I've got a mansion, just over the hilltop +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Dead bugs on windshield (S) Live bugs on order (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground (P) IFF inoperative (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick (S) That's what they're there for (P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search (P) Aircraft handles funny (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "flyright" and be serious (P) Target Radar hums (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words ++++++++++++++++++++++++ >For Your Inspiration In 1954 Opening day of Baseball, the Cincinnati Reds played the Milwaukee braves. Two rookies started in that game. Cincinnati had a rookie named Jim Greengrass who went 4 for 4 with four doubles - WOW! The other rookie went 0 for 4, but tthat was just his first day. Jim Greegrass went on to start his own lawn care company and most of us have never heard of him. The other rookie? His name is Hank Aaron. You may have a life that is strewn with mistakes and blunders, but the question is 'Which direction are you heading? How do you want to finish? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ .'''. '(("""))' '((O.O))' '; o ;' .("|((, / | || (_ | |/ ,'..,' : ScS @[.,..' \ `, | | | >Taking The Pregnancy Test The blonde had been married about a year when one day the she came running up to her husband jumping for joy. Not knowing how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her. "Why are we so happy?" he asked. She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" "Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about." She stopped breathless from all the jumping up and down. "I'm pregnant!" she gasped. The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn't be happier. Then she said "Oh, honey there's more." "What do you mean more?", he asked. "Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. "It was easy" she said, "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!" +++++++++++++++++++++ >It's My Father's Ashes Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a - ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't ... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal-Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But ... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get himself up and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!" ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: What Happens if You Die? http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&new_topic=15 Never Give Up! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/nevergiveup.html One Of Those Days http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html Signs Of A Bad Day http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/badday.html Says It All http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saysitall.html WALL BUILDERS - True American Founding Father's History! http://www.wallbuilders.com/ I Read The Bill by Tom Wacaster http://earthhopenetwork.net/forum/printthread.php?tid=3023 Obama Health Bill http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h3200/text -<>- >PLEASE Visit These To Increase New Traffic To Shangrala: Cindy's Travels: Flooded Kingdom http://tinyurl.com/lmuo6u Haunted Hotel II: Believe the Lies http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40026&s=n Rabbit Hunting http://tinyurl.com/kr95tb Elephant Whales http://tinyurl.com/lqt42j Age of War http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39666&s=n Sinking Island http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40217&s=n Pac Man http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39691&s=n Squirrel Car Crash http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39814&s=n Dead Frontier Night 3 http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39934&s=n -<>- >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) Watch Things Blowing Up http://www.greensock.com/portfolio/MicroManiac/index.html Site for Music Streaming & Downloads http://www.lala.com/ 500 Years of Western Art History in Under 3 Minutes - Pretty Cool http://tinyurl.com/yul4p4 The Telectroscope http://tinyurl.com/m9kwma Survive the Zombie Apocalypse http://tinyurl.com/mqf8cx --- ...Good Selection! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >-->From LynnLynns Links: The Making Of An Insurgent http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsdsjhss.htm The Egg, Lemon, And Orange http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsjsjks.htm The Genie And The Blonde http://www.buffaloschips.com/huqwiiuq.htm The Proper Way To Listen To Classical Music http://www.buffaloschips.com/asaaa.htm They Were Expendable http://www.buffaloschips.com/jwjqwkq.htm Stoned http://www.buffaloschips.com/jlklll.htm Strong http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjkhkjk.htm Thin http://www.buffaloschips.com/klkjlk.htm Toaster http://www.buffaloschips.com/kljlkj.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." --Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982. "Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest of your life." --Chinese Proverb "I fall in love really quickly and this scares guys away. I'm like, 'I'm in love with you, I want to marry you, I want to move in with you!' And they're like, 'Ma'am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I'm outta here.'" --Penny Wiggins "So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work." --Peter Drucker "There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it." -Mary Wilson Little "Canada is the vichyssoise of nations. Cold, half-French and difficult to stir." --Stu Keate, former Vancouver Sun publisherr. "We were even beaten by a team of girls?" Mercy me...I can not imagine a bunch of men losing to a team of girls. Women yes, girls, no. I guess these "girls" were never told by their mothers not to beat a man at any game as it would hurt their fragile egos....LOL! --Jane [At least someone understands us men. Now excuse me while I go set my shorts on fire.] "A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time." --Jay Leno "I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top." --Anonymous English Professor, Ohio University Real friends are those who, when you've made a fool of yourself, don't think you've done a permanent job. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************