Is Your Pet Normal And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press This too hot to handle new page is from our friends LouiseAu and Geniann. It is sure to give you your aww quota for the day along with plenty of smiles. Take a moment and check it out here... ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB A Tribute To Dogs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogtribute.html --- ...Awww, so adorable! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: The Manhattan Commuter train was packed. Suddenly there was a jingle on the floor. Most necks were craned. One elderly gentleman, however, bent down and picked something up. He then asked, "Did anyone drop a half dollar?" "I did," answered three men at once. "Well," said the elderly gent with a smile, "here's a dime of it." -<>- During a training session at an artillery unit the sergeant-major was busy describing how the sophisticated aiming device of the artillery weapon system is used: "As you all know, there are 180 degrees in a circle." One of the soldiers put up his hand and said: "But there are 360 degrees in a circle, sergeant-major." "You idiot," replied the sergeant-major, "I am obviously speaking about a small circle!" -<>- >Is your pet normal? _=,_ o_/6 /#\ \__ |##/ ='|--\ / #'-. \#|_ _'-. / |/ \_( # |" snd C/ ,--___/ To see if your dog has a problem, ask yourself the following questions: 1. Does your dog know the spelling, Latin root and French translation of the word "walk," yet is unable to grasp the meaning of the word "come?" 2. Does your dog immediately leap on a cat, bunny rabbit, or child upon hearing the words, "Don't worry he LOVES cats, bunny rabbits and children?" 3. Is your dog shameless, graceless, without dignity and extremely in touch with his inner puppy? 4. Does he wake you up in the middle of the night to warn you of the dangers of a kitchen chair, then sleep through the theft of all your valuable possessions? 5. Does he develop a tragic and profound deafness at the sound of, "It's time to go home," yet possess bionic hearing at the sound of a can opener? If you answered "yes" to most of these questions... relax, your dog is normal! /\ \ \ \ \ / / / / _\ \_/\/\ / * \@@ = | |Y/ | |~ \ /_\ / \\ // ||| _|||_ ( / \ )-Skorch To see if your cat has a problem, ask yourself the following questions: 1. Does your cat sleep 22 hours a day, and spend the other two hours in non- stop eating? 2. Does your cat take frequent naps in annoying places, such as in the center of the dinner table, in the kitchen sink, or on top of your freshly-cleaned-of-hair bedspread? 3. Is your cat selfish? Conceited? Arrogant? Aloof? Insensitive? 4. Does he wake you up in the middle of the night and refuse to stop meowing until you accompany him to his food bowl to watch him eat? 5. Does your cat tear down holiday decorations? Does he destroy any stuffed toy or cat-sized household ornament which might be misconstrued as his competition? 6. Does your cat perceive himself to be sole owner of all property? Does he often show disdain for your taste, or act as if you are an embarrassment to him? If you answered "yes" to most of these questions... relax, your cat is normal! ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 13 is International Skeptics Day, Make Your Dream Come True Day and National Rubber Duckie Day January 14 is Dress Up Your Pet Day January 15 is National Bagel Day and National Hat Day January 16 is Appreciate a Dragon Day and National Nothing Day January 17 is Ditch New Years Resolutions Day January 18 is Thesaurus Day and Winnie the Pooh Day -The Birthday of Winnie's author A.A. Milne January 19 is National Popcorn Day and National Tin Can Day ======================================================= >-->From MikeysFunnies: A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions>?" The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars." "A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive, isn't it?" "It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?" -<>- An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ." Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!" -<>- ____________________ ____________________ | | ____ | | | CAN YOU GIVE ME | / \I -BUT I CAN ADD A | | ONE GOOD REASON | ( NO PITCHFORK AND A | /\ | WHY I SHOULD LET | \____/I TAIL TO THAT "GO | ( ) | YOU IN? | | TO HELL" ICON. | _)(_ _ |_______________ .___| |_____. _____________|~ __ ~-._ \"~-. \| |/ (_ /~,^ .r~T T~i. ^.~\ _) ` ' \ \/ ,^|| | | ||^. \/ / _____ ___ _ Y / || |[]| || \ Y .--. .^ ,^^\.-. {___~ ) | Y || | | || Y | / __ \ / ) / -- )_ \ c|..^o | | || |[]| || | | / ( (\ \ /( ) ,>.| ) \ |c_,| <| |===||=| |=||===| |> ( ( (\ Y __ (/ o Y).--^-------. )_/l <| |===||=|[]|=||===| |> ( ( (\l)/ \ )I | [~~~~~~~\| `--.\---x. || | | || | | ( ( ( (|Y Y ( |\| | \ _____\__ _ _/r~) )\_ ||_|[]|_||_ _| | _. ( \ \ || |____>-| | T = |.__\\<\`^ ", \~|| | | || ~ | |"~ \ \ (\| '~~ Y____|_I__l_n___|_ / `---c~~^. Y'~^|_.^"`|_.-^-|__,-~ ( \ ( ( (| | | | [=o H .=.]_ `-I~T~Y |- __ ( \ \ l | | l___[___H____] ~"_| | | ,t __ "~ ~" \ ( \ \I\ | |[_________H____] / | l_j_.-T |--"~~ ~"-.__,.--"~ \ \ \ ||`----^-' :\_______H__/ \/| | |-.._ ( \|; : | |.. .. H.|^,__.-| : : |_ _.--~~"--.. \ | _ l _ : ||| || H|| __ ! | ' l "~" -Row ._ _.-" _|,-' ~"-' ~-.L|^.||_H|^-"~ ~"-. ._ \_.-"~-.__ "~ "~ ._ __,--.__~~ ~-._ _. "~~ ~~~" ~~" ~~" "~~~" ->HeavenComic<- There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him, "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough,. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through." Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!?!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | \ .--. / | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ >SMILES It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?" -------- An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor..." -------- When the bookie asked the veteran horse player the secret of his consistent success, the gambler provided a simple explanation. "I'm just lucky, I guess. I turn to the racing page, close my eyes and stick a pin in it," he said. "Lucky!" the bookie exclaimed in disbelief. "But how did you pick this four-horse combination?" "Well," the gambler admitted, "I didn't have a pin, so I used a fork." ------- A cowboy is driving down a back road near Cotulla, Texas... sign in front of a restaurant reads: Happy Hour Special... Lobster Tail and Beer "Lord almighty" he says to himself, "my three favorite things!!" -------- '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a restaurant having dinner. Woods turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?" Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?" Woods replies, Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that going right now." Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, seems to be all right." Tiger says, "You play golf?" Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years." Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?" Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball toward him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball toward his voice." But how do you putt?" asks Woods. Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play the ball toward his voice." Woods asks, "What's your handicap?" Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer." Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime." Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole." Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm for that, when would you like to play?" Stevie says, "Pick a night" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- `\|/' .---------------. ,'Y`. _( To think.... )_________ )|._.|( ( Doesn't that involve little ) /(___)\ ""( little lightbulbs over )" ( ) ""( My head ??? )""""""" `..-.,' """"""""""""" |"| .--' `--. Ojo >THINGS TO THINK ABOUT The early bird still has to eat worms. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them. Don't argue with an idiot, people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said. Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. --- ...ARGH! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ___________ @ @ / (@\ @ \___________/ _@ @ _/@ \_____ @/ \__/-="="` \_ / <| <| jgs <| ` Identify Your Keys at a Glance Between the car, house, garage and maybe the office, we all have a tendency to carry about a bundle of keys. To make it easier to quickly find your most used keys, paint both sides of the key head with brightly colored nail polish. Use a different color for each key. The nail polish is extremely durable and you'll be surprised how much longer it lasts than spray paint. Erase Permanent Marker on a Dry Erase Board Who hasn't accidentally written on a white board with a permanent marker? Luckily, it's easier to remove than you think. Simply draw over your permanent marker artwork with a dry erase marker, and then wipe the marks away with an eraser or dry cloth. Your dry erase board will be good as new! Remove Highlighter Stains Ever wish you could remove highlighter marks from a book? Lemon juice fades highlighter enough to make it virtually undetectable. Cut a lemon in half and get some juice on a cotton swab. Run the swab over the highlighted text and watch the color fade. Lemon juice from a container also seems to do the trick, though not quite as well as fresh juice. And the older the mark, the more stubborn it is to remove. Clear Up Coffee Rings Your guests should've used a coaster but now you have a coffee stain on your table. A little dab of toothpaste can get that stain out, just like coffee stains on your teeth. Nail Polisher Remover Toothpaste can help remove nail polish in a pinch. Mix some toothpaste, water and lemon to place your nails in, and begin brushing away. Restore Your Jewelry A slightly damp toothbrush is perfect for cleaning delicate jewelry. Clean your jewelry with a solution of water (almost hot) and dishwashing soap. Soak your jewelry for 5 or 10 minutes, gently brush it with a very soft toothbrush, and then rinse under warm running water. Also restores the sparkle to diamonds. Reduce Skin Irritation Skin irritations like bug bites can be treated with tooth- paste to reduce the itching. Crayon Mark Eliminator Crayons are great when used appropriately but when your wall gets used as a canvas, fight back with that fluoride- filled tube of toothpaste. Smear some on the wall and rub with a damp cloth to remove the crayon marks. Also works well on removing permanent marker from walls. Remove Ink from Fabric A dollop of toothpaste and a toothbrush are the tools you need to help remove ink from fabric and clothing. Just work the toothpaste in with the toothbrush to rub out the stain. -<>- >Go Green' Hints: Use cloth napkins Not only are they more durable (one cloth napkin will make it through a lot more BBQ sauce than a paper one!) but ditching disposable napkins will also save plenty of money over the years. It'll also reduce your trash output, which means less energy is used transporting and processing your waste. Using recyclable paper napkins is good for the planet, but it's even better to not have anything to recycle in the first place. Plus, cloth napkins make dinner feel oh-so-fancy. Control your heating and cooling costs - and your energy emissions. Just set your schedule and your programmable thermostat will operate accordingly. Fun fact: If everyone used a smart thermostat, we would offset 13 billion pounds of greenhouse gas emissions each year, which is equivalent to the emissions of 1.2 million vehicles. Go greener: Insulate your heating ducts. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: President Donald J. Trump Has Delivered Record Breaking Results For The American People In His First Three Years In Office https://tinyurl.com/qtla6e4 Graham: Trump's Iran Speech Comparable to Reagan's Wall Speech https://tinyurl.com/ralxm5p Iranian Military Apologizes For Shooting Down Ukraine-Bound Flight, Cites ‘Human Error’: Report https://tinyurl.com/tahmcqq ‘Walls Work’: DHS Celebrates 100 Miles Of New Border Wall https://tinyurl.com/uwx7k8d AMERICAN RENEWAL: To Win The 21st Century, It’s Time For A Detente Between The Government And Big Tech https://tinyurl.com/rqqvl56 White House News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/ Westwing News: Trump's Average Unemployment Rate is the Lowest in Recorded History https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Chicken, Bottles, Medication http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: I just read a story about how a convenience store owner in New York (or was it New Jersey?) had to personally chase down a shoplifter who has robbed his store several times because the police refuse to respond to so-called petty crimes. That is not likely to happen at "Shooters Grill" in Rifle, Colorado, where all of the servers at the restaurant pack heat as they shuttle plates of food to diners, from Glock semi-automatics to .357 six-shooters. On the wall, posted alongside copies of the Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights, is a sign declaring that those inside are still "proudly clinging to my guns and Bible." Owner Lauren Boebert says she didn't start out to make a statement when she began carrying a pistol on her hip a month after opening Shooters, but through the months her other waitresses thought it was kind of fun and they, too, started carrying in this small town 180 miles west of Denver. "We don't worship guns. We worship Jesus," said Boebert, a mother of four whose husband works in the oil industry. "We're here to serve people." Menu items include the M16 burrito, the Swiss and Wesson grilled cheese, and "Locked and Loaded nachos." "I'm from Texas," said one diner. "This is normal." And that's just how Boebert sees it. Rifle is hunting country with outfitters offering to help visitors track down and shoot elk and deer roaming the nearby high- country forests and canyons. Legend says the area got its name when a surveyor left his gun leaning against a tree and marked his map with "rifle" to remind himself where it was. Denver-based Chipotle burrito chain asked gun owners to stop bringing guns into the company's stores, and Starbucks also asked gun owners to leave their weapons behind when buying coffee. However, in Rifle, Boebert said the local Starbucks franchisee has no problem when she walks in wearing her Springfield XDS .45. A sign on the front door welcomes armed patrons and asks them to abide by the same rules but adds, "in such cases, judicious marksmanship appreciated." "There's no point to be made," Boebert said as her waitresses refilled ketchup bottles and wiped down menus, readying for the dinner rush. "This is our way of life." -<>- Kids are stupid, reckless and irresponsible. That's why we don't let them play with power tools, fireworks, pocket knives and, of course, matches. But if kids are stupid, reckless and irresponsible, they are also inventive and creative, which is why one of the first things any kid does when he or she gets their grubby little mitts on a magnifying glass is burn something (usually some unfortunate ant). This is something that did not occur to one Texas parent who paid for her mistake. A Texas mother said a fire that razed her family's front lawn started with her 12-year-old son's Christmas gift: a magnifying glass. Nissa-Lynn Parson said her son, Cayden, 12, received a magnifying glass for Christmas and the boy and his brothers decided to use the gift to burn some holes in a newspaper in the family's driveway. The newspaper burst into flames and wind suddenly carried it to the front lawn, where the grass quickly caught fire. "Everything was under control until the boys came running into the house telling us that a corner of the lawn was on fire and the Christmas lights were melting," Parson wrote. She said the family sprang into action. "And so we're all out here with pitchers of water, blankets smothering it, sprinklers turned on, hose turned on," Parson reported. Parson said the flames were extinguished with no damage except for some melted lights and a scorched lawn. "It was an accident. It could have been worse but it wasn't," she said. "Instead of a tragedy, it will now be a Christmas to remember". *-- Woman's dine-and-dash fails when she leaves purse behind --* A Canadian woman who attempted to dine-and-dash was arrested after she was forced to return to the scene of the crime because she left her purse behind. Kyla Anne MacMillan had to return to an Alberta pub after skipping out on a $160 bar tab that she had rung up with two female friends. After bailing on the bill, MacMillan returned to the bar because she had left her purse containing her medication. MacMillan's hefty tab included a pitcher of beer, chicken wings, nachos and 23 shots. According to the tab, the ladies slugged down six shots of tequila, 10 B-52s, six Dirty Hookers and one vodka shooter, the Star reported. She initially claimed that she had simply stepped outside to use an ATM, but that excuse didn't fly. The suspect pleaded guilty to fraudulently obtaining food and was fined $325, in addition to being ordered to pay the bill. MacMillan is unemployed and only had $5.35 on her during her court appearance. *--- Lonely, but free, I'll be found ---* Transportation crews worked New Year's Eve to free 10 cars trapped in tumbleweeds on a highway in West Richland, Wash. Crew used snowplows to break through the tangled mass and the road was closed for 10 hours. Washington State Patrol District 3 Trooper Chris Thomson said some areas were piled 20-30 feet high. Witnesses said they were experiencing heavy winds Tuesday afternoon, and the winds created the giant tumbleweeds. *-- Man robs bank while wearing a name tag --* A Colorado man made it very easy for law enforcement officials to earn their paychecks after allegedly robbing a bank while wearing a shirt with his name on it. According to police, John David Martinez went to a Wells Fargo branch in Denver wearing a personalized polo shirt bearing his name. The suspect approached a teller and said, "This is a robbery, give me the money." To make it even easier for police, the suspect also allegedly drove his own Honda to the bank so investigators were able to use the license plate to track down Martinez. Officers showed his DMV photo to a bank employee. "That's him. He's the one who robbed the bank this morning," the employee said, the Denver Channel reported. After an investigation that took all of five hours, Martinez was arrested. While he was in custody, Martinez reportedly said he had "told his wife that he had borrowed the money and did not tell her that he had robbed the bank." The 68-year-old was booked into jail in Denver on investigation of felony robbery involving $20,000 or more. *--- Lost wedding ring turns up in bowl of caramel corn ---* A South Dakota woman who lost her wedding ring while working at her popcorn business said the ring found its way back to her about a month later. Sherry Neuharth, owner of Craizy Daisy's Popcorn, said she had finished a day of bagging seven large batches of caramel corn the weekend before Thanksgiving when she realized her wedding ring was missing from her finger. Neuharth said she searched through all the leftovers from her day's work, but there was no sign of the ring. She spread word among customers that anyone who found and returned her ring would be awarded a year of free popcorn, but no one reported finding the item. Neuharth said she was concerned because some of the caramel corn had been given to Christ the King Christian school for a Christmas party. She said it was after the Christmas party when the school's secretary spotted something shiny in a bowl of leftover popcorn. The secretary gave the ring to the pastor, who returned it to Neuharth. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: |..| ? ? c >| ? \'/ /><\ unknown >I'm Not Sure Two friends were discussing the public trend towards more traditional family values, sex, marriage, etc. Ralph said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married, did you?" "I'm not sure" said the friend, "What was her maiden name?" -<>- >An Irish Wedding At the wedding reception someone yelled... "Would all the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made their life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death. -<>- >Does Anyone Know? We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally." -<>- |_| , ('.') /// <(_)`-/' <-._/J L / -bf- >I'm the Devil! A woman, whose husband often came home drunk, decided to cure him of the habit. One night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil!" she responded. He said, "Oh, I'm married to your sister!" -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: Why was the sick man arrested in his car? A: For Driving Under the Influenza. Q: Why did the music teacher get locked out of his classroom? A: He left his keys on the piano! Q: What did one skunk say to the other skunk when they were cornered? A: "Let us spray." n n .'_`= ='_e. .e/ \e. .-e ( ) e-. .e . e) (e ,e`. ,-<.--'\|> /|/`--.>-, |\ ,| / | /| a:f Q: What do you call a story told by a giraffe? A: A tall tale! Q: Why is fabric softener so popular? A: It makes people ex-static. Q: How do they fry their eggs in Never-Land? A: With a Peter Pan. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` A phone call came to a school. Caller: My daughter can't come to school today. School Secretary: Alright, but what's the relation between you and the student? Caller: This is my mother speaking. -<>- After a long day of shopping, my daughter and I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in to pick up a few things, leaving her in the car. As I approached the checkout I was surprised to see my daughter there waiting for me. "Honey," I said, "what are you doing in here? I left the motor running." "It's all right, Mom," she replied reassuringly. "I locked the doors." -<>- My girlfriend isn't the brightest bulb. One day when she was being particularly dimwitted, I said in frustration, "What's your IQ anyway?!" She shot back defiantly, "20/20!" -<>- Husband: Do you know that on an average women says between 10,000 to 35,000 words a day? Wife: Yes, that's because they have to repeat everything often to men. Husband: What? -<>- __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. I handed the cashier $2.00 and started digging for some change. I pulled out 8 cents and gave it to her. She stood there with $2 and 8 cents. She looked bewildered, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she burst into tears. The incident got me thinking about how our kids were learning math in school.... (or not). Teaching Math In 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set of "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M." Answer this question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits? Teaching Math In 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math In 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers) Teaching Math In The 2000s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Goldman Sachs determine that his profit margin is $60? -<>- .-. _.--"""".o/ .-.-._ __' ."""; { _J ,__ `. ; o\.-.`._.'J; ; / `- / ; `--i`". `" .'; `._ __.' | \ `""" \ `; : `."-. ; ____/ / `-.` `-.-' `"-..' ___ `;__.-'" `. .-{_ `--._ /.-" `-. / ""T ""---...' _.-"" """-. `. ; / __.-"". `. `, _.. \ / __.-"" '. \ `.,__ .'L' } `---"`-.__ __." .-. j `. : `. .' ,' / """" / \ : `. | F' \ ; ; `-._,L_,-""-. `-, ; ` ; / `. 7 `-._ `.__/_ \/ \ _; \ _.' `-. / `---" `.___,, ;"" \ .' _/ ; `" .-" _,-' { ""; ;-.____.'`. fsc `. \ '. : \ : : / My mother and I were walking through the mall when a man stopped us to ask if we would take part in a survey. One of the questions was; "Do you think there is too much love making in movies?" "I don't know," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing." ========================================================= >-->From LaughAndLift: ___ / \ | o | \ / ________) (________ | | '------. .------' | | | | | | | | /\ | | /\ /_ \ / \ / _\ \ '. .' '. .' / \ '--' '--' / jgs '. .' '._ _.' `'-. .-'` \ / Hope is the anchor of the soul made possible by our acceptance of God's grace. The Lift... >The Stairs (Author Unknown) Oh long and dark the stairs I trod With trembling feet to find my God Gaining foothold bit by bit, Then slipping back and losing it. Never progressing; striving still, With weakening grasp and faltering will, Bleeding to climb to God, while He Serenely smiled, not noting me. Then came a certain time when I Loosened my hold and fell thereby; Down to the lowest step my fall, As if I had not climbed at all. Now when I lay despairing there, Listen...a footfall on the stair; On that same stair where I afraid, Faltered and fell and lay dismayed - And lo, when hope had ceased to be, My God came down the stairs to me ----- *** * //* //* ** **/| ** ************//*********** ***********//************ ** |/** ** **/| *// //* |/** **/| *** *// *** ***** //* ***** ******* |/** ******* ************* ******* * unkown >My Hope Is In The Lord (A Hymn by Norman J. Clayton, 1945) My hope is in the Lord Who gave Himself for me, And paid the price of all my sin at Calvary. For me He died, For me He lives, And everlasting life and light He freely gives No merit of my own His anger to suppress. My only hope is found in Jesus' righteousness. For me He died, For me He lives, And everlasting life and light He freely gives And now for me He stands Before the Father's throne. He shows His wounded hands and names me as His own. For me He died, For me He lives, And everlasting life and light He freely gives His grace has planned it all, 'Tis mine but to believe, And recognize His work of love and Christ receive. For me He died, For me He lives, And everlasting life and light He freely gives. -<>- The Laugh... _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb >Quick Jokes I don't know about you, but I find those Out-Of-The-Office email Auto-replies so ordinary and tedious. Here are some alternatives: 1. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 2. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a response queue. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 3. Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th century, and I don't know when I'll be back. When my Inbox reaches capacity, messages will be deleted on a FIFO basis. 4. The email server is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. If that doesn't work, please reimage your entire system, and try sending yet again. 5. I am currently not available to reply to your message. This does not mean that I am not receiving your message, it just means that I am not replying to you. Please reply to this email so I will know that you got this message. -------- Being the office supervisor, I had to have a word with a new employee who never arrived at work on time. I explained that her tardiness was unacceptable and that other employees had noticed that she was walking in late every day. After listening to my complaints, she agreed that this was a problem and even offered a solution. "Is there another door I could use?" -------- Studying the Oregon Commercial Motor Vehicle manual afforded me the opportunity to learn this important driving factoid: "According to accident reports, the vehicle that trucks and buses most often run into is the one in front of them." ------- After 20 years two college rivals bumped into each other. "Do you remember how I used to be so fat and flabby?' asked the first. "Well, I've been on an exercise program for a few years, and now I run marathons." "That's great!" replied the other man. "And," the first man continued, "Do you remember how I used to be shy and a poor student? Well, I took a course in public speaking, and now I make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year on the lecture circuit" "That's great!" came the reply. "Oh, and how about you?" the first man asked. "Have you changed at all?" "Well, yes I have", replied the second man. "Remember how brutally honest I used to be, and how when someone said something uninteresting, I would reply, "I couldn't care less?" Well now I just say, "That's great!" -------- An eye roller: Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!" The doctor hands him the thread and says, "Suture self". -<>- __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >Take Care of Those Burglars The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations. - Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious! - Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"? - Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again... - Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are! - To whom it may concern: some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck... -<>- __i |---| |[_]| |:::| |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm >20 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life 1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, your cell number, 2 email addresses, your Facebook address, your MySpace address, and your Twitter address. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead. 2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz. 3. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card. 4. You disdain people who still are on "dial-up". 5. You have an iPod playing in your ears, iPhone in your hand, and laptop on your lap - and you're somehow using them all at the same time... 6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head. 7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it. 8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it. 9. You know the e-mail addresses of 10 of your closest friends by heart, but you have to look up your own social security number. 10. You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions. 11. You have 1000 "friends" on Facebook and get tweeted by all the great tweeting Twitterers, yet somehow have this nagging feeling that you're actually LESS connected than you were just a few short years ago - you know, when you actually TALKED to the few people that you really WANTED to talk to? 12. You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature. 13. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-). 14. You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts. 15. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon. 16. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare texting-induced finger strain with a nine-year-old. 17. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires. 18. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*. 19. You spend more time on Facebook reading such important status updates as "I am now home" or "I am now going to the bathroom", than you do praying or reading your Bible (ouch!!) 20. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop. --- ...Another one... 21. You go to a fast food restaurant by yourself posting to social media about where you are and then upload photos of your food before you take selfies eating it. You glance around and notice that most all the other young people in the restaurant are doing the same thing - talking on their phones, taking selfies and sitting by themselves. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Cell Phone Madness 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone2.html Adorable Animal Selfies 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalselfies3.html Wang Yu's Little Critters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinaart.html About Dogs And People http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/aboutdogs.html A Little Froggy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frogart.html Wisdom Of Peanuts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wisdomofpeanuts.html Big Baby Big Dogs 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs2.html CATtitude http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cattitude.html Comedy In Nature 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comedyinnature2.html Got A Nanosecond 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano8.html Humorous Signs 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns5.html Full New Years Index! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Travel back in time to 1911 and take a trip through New York City - now in color! https://youtu.be/cyL6wWOHxUM Take a pictorial trip down memory lane in this nostalgic look back at memories of the 1950's. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4kNeZzNSS8 Take a pictorial trip down memory lane in this nostalgic look back at memories of the 1950's. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4kNeZzNSS8 --- ...Wowers! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From My Son Victor :) (We've been fighting a bad cough here so Victor found this about it) It wouldn't have mattered if you had the flu shot or not you would have still gotten sick. Respiratory virus striking adults | Local | Journal Gazette https://tinyurl.com/u46gg9t -<>- San Francisco small business owner struggles to run a store where customers can steal with virtual impunity https://tinyurl.com/u8nwe4v --- ...Horrible! Thanks Victor! Why I like that Bizarre News Texas Story! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. --Johnny Carson USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. --David Letterman I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?' --Jay Leno "Thanks to Congress, meat producers no longer have to tell consumers where their meat comes from. Upon hearing this, Arby's said, 'Waaay ahead of you, man.'" -Conan O'Brien "China just installed new public bathrooms in Beijing that actually offer Wi-Fi. Yeah, a Wi-Fi-enabled bathroom. Or as we call that here in America, Starbucks.'" -Jimmy Fallon "There's a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later. If you're too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What do these little monsters want from us?" -Jimmy Kimmel "A company is working on a new selfie stick shaped like a human arm so users won't look like they're alone in pictures. Instead you'll just look like a completely normal person who's carrying around a severed human arm." -Seth Meyers "A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die." -Conan O'Brien "A new survey found that a growing number of millennials want to work from home and get more time off. They would have said more, but they had to pick up their gold star for participating in that survey." -Jimmy Fallon Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************