...It's A Car Thing And More ... :) Shangy! >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Well, spent a good deal of time uploading pictures and funny film c,_.--.,y 7 a.a( ( ,_Y) : '---; ___.'\. - ( A Good Laugh is Good For The Soul! .'"""S,._'--'_2..,_ | ':::::=::::: \ . f== ;-,---.' T Y. r,-,_/_ | |:\___.---' '---./ |'` ) \ , ':;,.________.;L / '---------' | | \ L---'-,--.-'--,-' T / \ Y | Y , | | \ ( | ( ) \,_L 7-./ ) `, snd / _( '._ \ '---' '--' files for our yahoo groups. You can view them by logging into and visiting our group on line. Here are the details on our new Yahoo ShangyFunList: Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net -<,,>- >Follow up on Lee - Those in Van Wert Heads Up! - As you may of remembered from last issue, I told you about Lee having his wheels rotated at Monroes Mufflers & More and then recently had his whole front tire come off. Well they refused to accept any responsibility for it until Paul went there with Lee and talked with them. They have agreed to fix his dents and put the recovered wheel back on at their expense. So that finally worked out for good. Thank God! ================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Things You'll Hear Only In The South... Exclamations... "Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!" "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." Threats... "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style." "This'll jar your preserves." "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!" .--..-""""-..--. Good Things/Compliments... ///`/////////\`\\\ "Cute as a sack full of puppies." ||/ |///""\\\| \|| "If things get any better, I may have to ## ( 6. 6 ) ## hire someone to help me enjoy it." /_\ \ _. / /_\ "Gooder than grits." _`) (`_ /` '--' `\ The Weather... / _,,_ \ "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the / /` `\ \ dogs." /\_/ / 6 6\ \_/\ "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a \ \/\ Y /\/ / pepper patch." \ \/ `'U` \/ / Wintery roads are said to be "slicker \( \ / )/ than otter snot " |\_/ \_/| / ____ \ Descriptions... \ ( || ) / A bothersome person is "like a booger (__)||(__) that you can't thump off." | || | When something is bad then you say, "that |__||__| ain't no count." jgs |==||==| If something is hard to do, it's "like /~`//~`/ trying to herd cats." / // / He ran "like his feet was on fire and his `""` `"` ass was a-catchin" A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than Insults... a cat covering crap on a marble floor." "She's uglier than homemade soap." "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'" "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits." (any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart) , # _ (\\_(^> _. >(')__, (_(__) || _.||~~ {^--^}.-._._.---.__.-;(_~_/ || (^..^) || (\(__)/) || {6 6 }.')' (. )' ).-` || __||____(oo)____||___`(QQ)'___||___( v )._('.) ( .' )____||__ --||----"- "----||----) (----||----`-.''(.' .( ' ) .)----||-- __||__@( )___||___(o o)___||______#`(.'( . ( (',)_____||__ --||----"--"----||----`--'----||-------'\_.).(_.). )------||-- || || `||~|||~~|""|| `W W W W ||jgs ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~ ===================================================================== >-->And The Blondes Have It - From The Jokester: >Making Orange Juice ___________,_____ | | # |=====| | | (_) |=====| |> _ |_____|=====| | [_] | | | | |_____|=====| | | |_____| | ] |_____| | | |_____|=====| | | ___ |_____| |> |[___]| | | |[___]|=====| |_____|=====|_____| jgs [###########] A beautiful blonde woman and her husband were at home one night. The husband notices his wife standing in front of the fridge with the freezer section open. She is standing there with a dead pan look on her face STARING into the freezer. Her husband watches her awhile. She continues standing, not moving, not blinking, just staring into the freezer compartment! Finally after 10 minutes of witnessing her staring and staring straight into the freezer he can take no more. He says to his beautiful blonde wife "Honey, What are you doing?" She says, "Making orange juice." "Making orange juice?" he asks her baffled. "Yes", she says, "It says, 'concentrate' on the can!" -<..>- The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one." -<**>- ."`". .-./ _=_ \.-. { (,(oYo),) }} {{ | " |} } { { \(---)/ }} {{ }'-=-'{ } } { { }._:_.{ }} {{ } -:- { } } jgs {_{ }`===`{ _} ((((\) (/)))) Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do... Q: Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? A: It finally dawned on her. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well!" and turned around and drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?" A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!" Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly." A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving. -<>- __ _ / l \~-_ ,----~~~~--+-----`--~----____ @ /~_~\ | ~ | /~_~\~~~-, \_ ( (_) ) \_______| ( (_) )_-~ ~~\___/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\___/~ John Punshon >Actual Car Accident Statements Man Driver: I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident. Woman Driver: The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of skid by steering it into the other vehicle. Woman Driver: I saw the slow moving, sad face, old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. Man Driver: The other car attempted to cut in front of me, so I, with my right front bumper, removed his left rear tail light. Woman Driver: I had been learning to drive with power steering I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way. Man Driver: I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before. Man Driver: I was on my way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. Woman Driver: I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end and there was a crash. Man Driver: As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where a stop sign had never appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. Woman Driver: My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. Woman Driver: An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished. Man Driver: I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull. Woman Driver: I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him. Woman Driver: When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. Man Driver: The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. Man Driver: My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in the hospital. -<>- >New Parking Rules (Not to be taken seriously!) ____ _/____]__ |_v'_]"__"] (PS) `UJ-uJ--uJ Rule #1 - When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road, don't signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing. Rule #2 - Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred. Rule #3 - In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up half way and stop on the line, taking both. Rule #4 - As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him. Rule #5 - Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his/her car. Rule #6 - When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle with your door really hard. Rule #7 - When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate of speed. Rule #8 - Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping center parking lots. While your at it, dump out all the garbage, too, including that Wendy's or McDonald's bag sitting in the back seat from breakfast. Rule #9 - When a vehicle from the opposite direction is signaling and waiting for a parking space, position your car so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it. Rule #10 - If you don't see a speed limit sign posted in the malls parking lot, there isn't any! ====================================================================== >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) .. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .$$$$. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. .$$$$$ * * * * * * * * * * ::::::::::::::::::::::::::. .::::::::' * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$F * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$d$$$$$$$" ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L ;; ;::::::::::::::::;; ;;:::. $$$$$$" "" $$$$$; Donna ^$$" $$$$ "" >Heroes All The Day that Youth comes of Age, Their Country placed a Call. As evil Men writes History's Page, Needed the Valiant ones to make it Fall. Though so Young, volunteered a Life, To Rush Among, and `Crush` Regime of Strife. A Visit to `Hell`, For War is just that, Then `Rings` Freedoms Bell, while Trampling ground, where evil sat. Lifting up Tired Heads, and Sadden Eyes, `GOD--Please Forgive`, as Men Fall and Dies, See both Friends and Foe taste Death's Bitter Toll. Now with Wings of Eagle's, As`Youth`, Becomes `Men', boldly unfolds! Though must endure, Battle with Death and Gloom, A `Better Day´--- As their Future looms, Youth Answered the Call, Now standing`Men`, `Ten Feet Tall`, Their Country patiently awaits return --- It's HEROES, Yes `HEROES-ALL`! Always ~~~~~~~~~John-Paul ---- Amen to that! Thanks John-Paul! ====================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Steve: __________________________________________________________ /.---.==================================================.---.\ // \===.--.===============.--.===============.--.===/ \\ |( _-=== )=/ . \=============/ \/ \=============/ . \=( _-=== )| \ \ /==\ /=============\\/\//=======G-40==\ /==\ / / \ '---'===='--'===============`--`==============='--'===='---' / +------------------------------------------------------------+ _+------------------------------------------------------------+_ |_ _| You are all invited to view my Blog at http://grantsemporium.blogspot.com/ I have added to it today and hope to update it regularly. Hope you enjoy. Steve --- ..I love it! Thanks Steve! ===================================================================== >-->More 'Blonde' Fun from our friends Jan & Vern :) If you sometimes get the sudden urge to run around naked. ? ? | | | | | | | | | | | | =====(()())===== //\\ // \\ // \\ // ,, \\ // /\\\ \\ // //\\\\ \\ // m m \\ ADVISE WORTH // (.) (.) \\ (( )) \\ L // HANGING ON TO! \\ \_/ // \\ // \\ w // \\ // \\ // \\ // (||) || || /\ || /\ //\\ || //\\ // \\ || // \\ // \\ || // \\ // \\ || // \\ David Riley // \\||// \\ // \II/ \\ , // \\ , \\// \\// \/ \/ Drink some Windex. It will keep you from streaking. _\|/^ (_oo / /-|--/ \ | O R N O T!! /--i / L L Anyway... H a v e a G r e a t D a y! :) ---- ...Funny One - thanks! ==================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >Tommy Cooper jokes : I was reading this book today, 'The History Of Glue,’and I couldn't put it down. __i |---| |[_]| |:::| I phoned the local ramblers club today |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm and this bloke just went on and on and on. I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny, you couldn't swing a cat in there! __i |---| |[_]| I phoned the local gym |:::| |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays." I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End' So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue ?" I said "No, just a watch." I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?" -<>- _____ j_____j /_____/_\ |_(~)_| | | )"( | | |(@_@)| | hjw |_____|,' >Explain That A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk? The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that is so horrible?" the man asked. The farmer then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over." "That's not so bad, what's the big deal?" The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened?" the man asked again. The farmer relenting, continued, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over." "Again?" The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked, intrigued. "I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail." "Wow, you must have been pretty upset!" but that's no reason to just sit here getting all depressed." The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So then what else did you do?" the man asked again. . . \'.____.'/ __'-. .-'__ .--. '_i:'oo':i_'---...____...----i"""-.-'.-"\\ /._ _.\ : / '._ ;/ ;'-._ ( o o ) '-.__.' '. '. '-." '-.__.-' _.--. '-.: : '-' / ; _..--, / ; : '-._.-' ; ; : : : ` .' '-._.' : / \ : / ____....--\ : '._\ :""""" '. !. : : |: : 'www'| \ '| | || | : | | : | || | .' ! | | .' !| | /__I | | /__I.' ! .' ! /__I /__I fsc "Well I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That's when my pants fell down and my wife walked in. Some things you just can't explain." -<>- _ _V.-o / |`-' (7_\\ jg A city slicker stopped in a small town to ask a farmer directions. The stranger looks at the dog sitting at the man’s feet and says, “Your dog bite?” The farmer says no and when the stranger reaches down to pet the dog, he gets bitten. The man jumps back and angrily says, “You said your dog didn’t bite!” The farmer replies, “Mine doesn’t. This here dog’s not mine.” -<>- Q. Was Einstein's brain abnormal? A. Perhaps. Researchers found that Einstein's brain was 15% wider than normal. Scientists at McMaster University in Ontario, discovered that the part of the brain thought to be related to mathematical reasoning (the inferior parietal region) was 15% wider on both sides of his head than a normal brain. To subscribe, send a blank email to: scream_of_the_crop-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ====================================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: >Brilliant Spelling ! DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM ****** PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ****** ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER ****** DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT ****** THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE ****** GAUTENG: When you rearrange the letters: GET A GUN ****** THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS ****** SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ****** ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ****** ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT ******* SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S ****** A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE ***** THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ****** ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letter: TWELVE PLUS ONE ****** MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER -<>- | ____.......__ |\ .' _.--""''`` ``''--._ | \ .'/ ..--'` .-'` .._ | \.' / ..-'' .-' '.`'"-: ' .-'` .-' '. __...----""""""""""--.. \ - ..-'' ``""-._ \ .' _. \ `"- \ _.-'` | /-. \ `-. \ | / `. \ wkm `.\ |/ `-\ `. God's Fireworks Saturday, August 12th Will be the peak of the Perseid Meteor showers. I consider them a great opportunity to experience the wonder of God's Creation. I happen to love fireworks, but these are very special fireworks. It's expected to display the greatest number of meteors Sunday morning (August 12), late Sunday night and Monday morning (August 13) before dawn. But you'll see some Perseids Saturday (August 11) before dawn, too, and to a lesser extent a few days before and after the 12th. The moon is new on Sunday, or between the Earth and sun. This new moon will leave the night sky dark all this weekend for the Perseid meteors. These meteors are named for the constellation Perseus the Hero. If you trace the paths of the meteors backwards, they seem to stream from this constellation. You don't need to identify Perseus to enjoy the meteor shower. The Perseids are an especially rich and dependable meteor shower. They shoot all across the sky – often leaving persistent trains – and occasionally lighting things up with bright fireballs. To watch the show, find a dark, open sky. Get away from city lights, and give your eyes at least 20 minutes to adapt to the dark. The Perseid shower favors northern hemisphere skywatchers. Again, the best time to watch: Sunday morning, late Sunday night and Monday morning before dawn. At its peak, the Perseids typically produce 60 or more meteors per hour. That's about one a minute, but usually you'll get a really great one about every five minutes. For best observation go to a rural area with few outdoor lights. The best observation technique is to lay in a lawn chair or other reclining position and pick a point in the sky to focus your attention. Your perifial vision will quickly start to pick up subtle movments and light streaks generally in the northeast sky. You can reorient yourself based on where you observe the most meteors in the first few minutes. For more info go to http://www.earthsky.org/ Enjoy. the Sermon Fodder Guy To subscribe send an e-mail to: Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ====================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >If you are interested in any of these issues - be sure to visit them! ==Amnesty is coming baaaaack! ==Will our govt. stop illegal alien Social Security fraud? ==Inside scoop on Bush-Mexico summit next week ==Is the earth warming? (the rest of the story) ==Interview with bestselling author Jerome Corsi Go here to access this issue of the Grassfire Report online: http://www.firesociety.com/blog/100/16433 -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: ._~O~ _/\. <\/ | \\/ \> __\_O Skateboarding -- not just for the kids <\_/| \ \\_/ \> Andreas Sjolund A group of Texas family men in their 40s and 50s have formed a loose association of older skateboarders who defy the sport's young image. Some in the group have been skating since they were children in the 1960s and '70s, while others gave it up only to take it up later on, The Dallas Morning News reported Sunday. Greg Stubbs, 40, said he got his first skateboard as a child and never gave it up. Now, he and his friends often duck police cars and hop fences in their quest to find empty swimming pools or other places that facilitate great skating. However, the Morning News said, the older skaters also have their own businesses, with families and mortgages. "We're just adrenaline junkies," said Al Coker, a 51-year-old executive from Highland Park. "When you're on a skateboard, you're not thinking about a client, about bread and milk, about that tax check. You're just in the moment. It's all about that thrill." The skaters know they won't be able to skate forever, and they mentor younger skaters to keep their legacy alive, the newspaper said. Man sells 'cloud juice' from South Seas A man on a small island in the South Seas has come up with a new feature in the growing business of bottled water -- something he calls Cloud Juice. Tasmanian-born Duncan McFee, 40, collects water from rain clouds on King Island, near Tasmania, Britain's Mail on Sunday reported. Locals say the water on King Island is the purest in the world because the rain clouds travel for 7,000 miles from South America without passing over any land, and picking up practically no pollution. At $10 a bottle, the Mail said, Cloud Juice is the most expensive water ever brought to the United Kingdom. McFee said he saw an opportunity to make a business of the water when he arrived on the island for a teaching career in 1991. He employs some of his high school students to work in the plant, the Mail said. .------, ,'_____,'| | //| | | | | Expensive Katrina ice melting away | // | ; |______|'._ `._ `; `-._.' The federal government is letting thousands of pounds of ice, stored since Hurricane Katrina in August 2005, melt away. In the wake of the devastating hurricane, the Federal Emergency Management Agency ordered almost 170 million pounds of ice, which was sent south for use in relief efforts in Louisiana and Mississippi. But 169.4 million pounds of that ice went unused and truckers hauled it back north, where it has been stored ever since, at a cost to taxpayers of more than $12 million, The (Newburyport, Mass.) Daily News reported. The ice went unused again during the 2006 hurricane season, and now the agency is letting it all melt because of concerns about whether it is safe for human consumption. FEMA tried to donate the ice but no one wanted it, a spokeswoman said. =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: During my senior year at university, the wife of one of my professors gave birth to twins. Now the father of four pre- schoolers, my professor looked more and more haggard as the days went by, and his forgetfulness increased. One day, several weeks after the birth, he arrived in class late and announced he had some bad news. He couldn't find the midterm papers we had written weeks before. "But, sir," said a student, "you gave those midterms back last class." "I did?" Our weary professor replied. "Well, how did you do on them?" -<>- _|\ _/|_, ,((\\``-\\\\_ ,(()) `))\ ,(())) ,_ \ ((())' | \ ))))) >.__ \ (((' / `-. .c| hjw / `-`' "Mom," said the little girl, "Is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water?" "Yes," said her mother, "that is the correct thing to say." "Well then, I'm going to milk the cat." -<>- '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?" The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?" The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down." -<>- At a bridal shower, each guest was asked to introduce her- self and tell everyone how she met Amber, the bride-to-be. "I met Amber while dating her brother Ron," the first young woman said. The second person gave the same answer. The third said she was Ron's current girlfriend. An older woman was next. "It's nice to meet all of you ladies," she announced with a grin. "But I think I'd really rather meet Ron." [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- After attending a community meeting that adjourned at 10 p.m., my mother realized she had locked her keys in the car. The only place open was a bar and grill down the street. When Mom walked in, the bartender asked her what she'd like. "I need a wire hanger," she replied. "Lady," he said, "I've made a lot of drinks in my time, but I've never heard of that one." -<>- The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call. Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill. Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?" Kelly: "This is my mother." -<>- Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio." -<>- \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb More examples of creativity provided by a 6th grade class during history tests [these absolutely slay me]: 1. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shake- speare. He was born in the 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. 2. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 3. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were to 2 singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "a horse divided against itself can not stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 4. Abraham Lincoln was America's greatest precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation . On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in the moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a suposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 5. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. 6. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this. ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: >From LynnLynn's Links: hyacinth w/ Girlfriends Always Know http://hyacinth.webbywarehouse.com/poetry/girlfriendsalwaysknow.html R.I.P. Merv Griffin http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merv_Griffin Long Black Train http://summerhoosier.250free.com/Html/LongBlackTrain.html Mary w/Peace Be Still http://www.onwingsoffaith.com/peace_be_still.htm Eclipse Home Page Via Dianne http://sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclipse/eclipse.html What is Uranium? http://www.uic.com.au/uran.htm BabyLissa's and LynnLynn's Trivia - Daily Trivia Game http://my.funtrivia.com/tournament/BabyLissas-and-LynnLynns-Trivia-2463.html To subscribe send a blank email to lynnlynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com ============================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Disney announced that they're banning smoking from all their movies. Which means they won't be buying the scripts I wrote. I wrote a script for Disney called 'Smoke-ahontas'. And another one, the follow-up, 'Cigarella.'" -Craig Ferguson "More bad news today for John McCain. John McCain's media team has resigned. But McCain says he intends to stay in the race, according to the campaign's new media spokesman, John McCain." -Jay Leno "Happy birthday to the governor of California Arnold Schwarz- enegger. Sixty years old today. And to celebrate, natives on Skull Island tossed him a blonde." -Dave Letterman It is better to be approximately right than precisely wrong. — FINANCIER WARREN BUFFETT Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures. -- Henry Ward Beecher Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. – Joe Gores ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: a href="http://tinyurl.com/2vrfzv">This Weeks regular Shangy emails ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES IN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or yyou'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************