It's Chocolate Day! ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This summer sizzler is from our friend Karen. It
brightened my day just looking at it as I am sure
it will do for you too! Give it plenty of time
to load, sound on, and check it out here...
Eye Catching Humor!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eyecatching.html
---
...LOL! Love this one! Thanks Karen!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
Where's Ya Bin?
____.-.____
[___________]
Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for (d|||||||||||b)
a long time and when he was offered the job at `|||TRASH|||`
the council as a garbage collector he decided |||||||||||
to take it up. On his first day things were |||||||||||
going great until he arrived at one house and |||||||||||
noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. |||||||||||
Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good `"()"""()"` jgs
job and not get fired from here but if they
find out I missed one house then I will get fired."
So he went up to the door and knocked on it.
To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville
breathed a sight of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya
bin?"
The man replied, "I bon on 'olidays,"
Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?"
"I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply.
Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya idiot -- where's ya
Wheelie Bin?"
The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well,"
he said. "I weally bin in jail -- but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on
'olidays, eh!"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
July 7 is Chocolate Day, National Strawberry Sundae Day
July 8 is Video Games Day
July 9 is National Sugar Cookie Day
July 10 is Teddy Bear Picnic Day
July 11 is Cheer up the Lonely Day
July 12 is Pecan Pie Day
July 13 is Barbershop Music Appreciation Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
__i
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`\ \
\_=_\ jsm
>Cell Phone While Driving
A high-powered executive was speeding down the street, talking on his
cell phone. It wasn't long before the police pulled him over.
The executive completed his call and looked up at the officer. "Yes?"
he said.
"I bet you don't even know why I stopped you, " the officer replied.
Said the executive, "You want to use my phone?"
-<>-
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|* * * * * |##########################|
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|* * * * * |##########################|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
|#########################################|
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>Independence Days (Serious, Not Humor)
Those of you who have been around this list for awhile know that there
are a few times during the year that I post something serious. 99% of
what is sent to the Good Clean Fun mailing list is humor, however right
now I need to be serious for a moment.
Most of us, and by that I mean most of us in the United States, know
that the Fourth of July is the "birthday" of the United States of
America. It actually marks the anniversary of the adoption of the
Declaration of Independence by the Second Continental Congress. Often
marked by parades and community celebration, it is a symbolic time for
American families to gather and reflect on their heritage.
Most of us take for granted that this day and all the other U.S.
holidays are "national" holidays. Did you know that the United States
observes no national holidays? Specifically, that means holidays
mandated by the Federal Government. The United States Congress and/or
President can only legally establish an "official" holiday for the
District of Columbia and for federal employees. In fact, it wasn't
until the 20th Century that an order was issued giving federal
employees a "day off" from work. A public holiday can only be
established at the local level. Typically the observance of holidays
happens at the state level with the enactment of a state law or by an
executive proclamation by a state governor.
I first started posting this piece in July 2000. After I posted it, I
received an email from Jen in Alberta, Canada. She asked me why I only
mentioned the U.S. holidays. She surmised that it was because I was
from the U.S. and to that extent, she is right. The U.S. holidays,
especially the ones dealing with independence, veterans, and those who
died for this country, are special to me. And since Good Clean Fun is
99% humor, I certainly don't want to veer from that basic premise and
turn this into a history site. But Jen did start me to thinking, so I
did a bit of research about my neighbors: Canada and Mexico.
Look back at the subject of this email. It is Independence "Days",
plural. So let me take a moment and briefly honor my neighbors:
1. Canada celebrates its Independence on July 1st. The British North
America Act created the Canadian federal government on July 1, 1867.
This Act proclaimed "one Dominion under the name of Canada," hence the
original title of the holiday as "Dominion Day." July 1st has also been
known in Canada as "Confederation Day." On October 27, 1982, the
Canadian Parliament officially renamed the holiday as "Canada Day."
2. Mexico celebrates many national and religious holidays. I must admit
that I always thought that Cinco de Mayo, the Fifth of May, was
Mexico's Independence Day, but a bit of research proved me wrong. While
Cinco de Mayo is a national holiday, it honors the Mexican defeat of
the French army at Puebla in 1862. September 16th is Mexican
Independence Day and it celebrates the day that Miguel Hidalgo
delivered "El Grito de Dolores", and announced the Mexican revolt
against Spanish rule.
3. Let me mention a third "neighbor" albeit one a bit farther away than
just north or south of the US. A ways back, Michelle emailed me to tell
of Australia Day which is celebrated down under on January 26th. That
is the day Australia became a nation in their own right.
So, let's all be proud of and reflect on our heritage.
Have a great holiday,
Tom
PS: Don't forget to fly the flag!
Many of you will not remember Red Skelton, one of the best commedians
of all time. Occasionally he would veer from comedy to a more serious
moment. My favorite piece of this serious/patriotic genre was done
many, many years ago where he divided the Pledge of Allegiance into
individual words and phrases in order to explain the meaning of each
one. The piece can be found here.
http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/redskel1.htm
It also contains a link where you can hear Red's comments in his own
voice. Or even view the piece as he presented it way back in 1969. I
highly recommend it.
Finally, let's remember that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of
July is more than beer, picnics, and baseball games.
-Tom
-<>-
>New Friends
I got talking to a couple at the supermarket and subsequently missed my
bus.
As I walked home, a car pulled up. Seeing it was my new friends, I
jumped in and told them where I lived.
"This was great, thank you," I said when we reached my house.
"Do you have farther to go?"
"Not really," they replied. "We were outside our door when you got in."
-<>-
>Proper Behavior
A priest at a parochial school wanted to point out the proper behavior
for church. He was trying to elicit from the youngsters, rules that
their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.
"Don't play with your food," one second grader cited.
"Don't be loud," said another, and so on...
"And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?" the
priest inquired of one little boy.
Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."
-<>-
>Top Ten Things Engineering Schools Don't Teach
10. There are about 10 types of capacitors.
9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it doesn't work.
8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it,
except the complex math, which you will never use.
6. Always try to fix the hardware with the software.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab
every day for the rest of your life.
4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
3. Engineers rule the world until the next revision.
2. If you like junk food, caffeine, and all-nighters, then you should
go into architecture.
1. Dilbert is a documentary.
-<>-
>Will Power?
My daughter couldn't muster the willpower to lose unwanted pounds. One
day, watching a svelte friend walking up our driveway, she lamented,
"Linda's so skinny it makes me sick."
"If it bothers you," I suggested gently, "why don't you do something
about it?"
"Good idea, Mom," she replied. Turning to her friend, she called out,
"Hey, Linda, have a piece of chocolate cake."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
/\
||
||
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||
||
_______||
/` `\
| .-"""-. |
| / .:::. \ |
| \ ':::' / |
| '-----' |
| .-"""""-. |
| |_______| |
| [_][_][_] |
| [_] [] [] |
| [1][2][3] |
| [4][5][6] |
| [7][8][9] |
| [*][0][#] |
| ... |
jgs\ ':::' /
`"""""""""`
>Tips for dealing with telemarketers:
* If they want to loan you money, tell them you just
filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
* If they start out with, “How are you today?” say,
“I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems
to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is
acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died ..."
* If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them
to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company
name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has
been in business, how many people work there, how they got
into this line of work if they are married, how many kids
they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.
* When they start out with “Hi, my name is Judy ..."
interrupt with “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how
have you BEEN?” It's been ages!" Go on to recount all
the good times you had with "Judy."
* Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of
each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are
trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it
until they hang up.
* If a phone company calls trying to get you to sign up
for their "Family and Friends" plan, reply, in as
sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends.
Would you be my friend?”
* If the company cleans rugs, respond in an urgent tone,
“Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How
about human blood?”
* After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask them to
marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that
you can't just give your credit card number to a complete
stranger.
* If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell them
that you work for the same company, and that employees
cannot participate.
* As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the
receiver down, scream “OH MY GOSH!” and then hang up.
* Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and
ask if they will give you their home phone number so
you can call them back. When the Telemarketer explains
that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers
say, “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at
home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say,
“Me either!” and hang up.
* Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
* Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would
please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you
continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food
loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For
added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is
a nice touch. As is running water as you wash them.
* Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration”
and ask if they could bring you some beer.
* Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a
number.
* Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But
I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”
* Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon,
playing a joke. “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously,
Leon, how’s your Mom?”
* Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need
to speak up ... louder ... louder ... LOUDER!!!
* Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to
write every word down.
---
...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
_
//\
| \/
||~ _ _
||_ [ L___I ]
| /\ | ... |
,@\\/ ,@@@, ,@@@@@, | ::: |
@, ,@@" "@@@, ,@@" "@@@, ,@@@@"| ''' |
jgs "@@@@@" "@@@@@" "@@@@" '========='
>SMILES
Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and told the person
there, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, ma'am?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. You must be the person who took
our phone book."
--------
The raccoons were not faring well against the cars on our back road.
With each mishap, we would bury the chubby, masked victim in the woods
beside our home while saying a prayer to keep the deceased safe and
happy in heaven.
When we buried No. 5, we followed the same routine. However, at the
end of the 'service,' my five-year-old son added a small prayer of his
own: "And please, dear God, keep him this time so we don't have to
bury him again!"
--------
Saying Grace at mealtime was a tradition at Grandma's house. At
breakfast, lunch and supper, all who gathered around the table would
bow their heads to give blessing for the food they were about to eat.
Much to Grandma's sadness, this tradition was not brought to our home
by my mother, so as a three-year-old, the practice of saying Grace was
very confusing to me. Mother embarrassingly recalls that once, while
Grandma rambled through one of her lengthy mealtime thanks to God, I
asked in a rather loud voice, "Why is Grandma talking to her plate?"
-------
"I just hope it's not Alzheimer's," confessed the
gentleman to his doctor.
"Maybe there's some kind of memory medicine you
can give me. See, I'm getting terribly forgetful;
I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed
to do when I get there. What should I do?" he asked
glumly.
"Pay me in advance," the doctor promptly suggested.
--------
While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the
chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any
longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder.
"Excuse me," I said. "I can't hear."
"I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private
conversation!"
--------
I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into
the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my
delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into
the cart and asked, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
--------
The middle-aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he
had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was
detected during a recent physical check-up.
The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure
his will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place
for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left
of his life, to the fullest.
"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go
and live with my mother-in-law."
Surprised by the answer, the doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the
would you want to live with your mother-in-law?"
"Because it'll be the longest six months of my life!"
--------
On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the
horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for
the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or
might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog
healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
-=[ man in chair ]=- 2/99
.-""-._
/ ___/ \ _&_
_.--""|/ `\| // \\
.' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \
/ | _ | \ // / \ \\
| _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\
| .' \____/-._ | .-"-.
| / `; /# \
| / / _|_.---\ | |
|.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-.
/ \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="}
/--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="}
/ \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-;
| /`| | \ | |||| ||
| /_ | |_______/ | |||| ||
| \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._||
| | | | || |>
|______| |____________|._ || _..-;|
| [___] | `||() ||
|______ |\/|____________|jgs|| ()
(__) \__/ (__) ()
>Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:
Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration
Obama used the very same Bible Lincoln used, for his inauguration.
Lincoln came from Illinois .
Obama comes from Illinois .
Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature.
Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.
Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President.
Obama had very little experience before becoming President.
Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his
inauguration.
Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his
inauguration.
Lincoln was highly respected by some, but intensely disliked by others.
Obama is highly respected by some, but intensely disliked by others.
Abraham Lincoln was a tall, skinny lawyer.
Barack Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer.
Lincoln held to basic Conservative and Christian views.
Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer.
Lincoln volunteered in the Illinois militia; once as a captain, twice
as a private.
Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer.
Lincoln firmly believed in able persons carrying their own weight.
Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer.
Lincoln‘s administration had to borrow a lot of money to abolish
slavery and save our nation, via the Civil War.
Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer.
Lincoln was undeniably, and without any doubt, born in the United
States.
Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer.
Lincoln was honest – so honest that he was called ‘Honest Abe’.
Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer
Lincoln preserved the United States as a strong nation, respected by
the world.
Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer.
Lincoln showed his obvious respect for the flag, U. S. Constitution,
and the military.
Obama is a tall, skinny lawyer.
Amazing, isn’t it?
---
...Wow! HaHa! Uncanny! Thanks PatDeE!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From Victor :)
Why Obama is opening the borders on purpose...
Now why would Obama do something like that? It's not like he is
dishonest, right?
But just for the sake of discussion, let's just say that he is a
'little' dishonest and wants to grow the voter roles. Why would the
democrats want to do such a thing?
~ * Do you know that only 26% of those who elected him last time were
white? Hmmm? * ~
Do the math (round to whole numbers).
__Blacks make up 13.5% of the American population and 96% voted for
Obama. After the math, that is more than 12% of the democratic base.
__Hispanics make up 16% of the American population and 75% voted for
Obama. After the math, that is 12% of the democratic base.
So if 50% voted for Obama and 24% were 'other than' (with their own
obvious motivations), we're talking about some uninformed white folks!
Now, after the disaster of Obama, Hillary can't count on those same 24%
this time around, so what do you do?
Hmmm, maybe float the idea in the US (or "actually advertise" in
Mexico, Central and South America) that you can come to the US and you
will likely get to stay?
Still convinced that Obama has always had your best interests at heart?
Is that really such a stretch? Really? After all of the other lies -
and there have been PLENTY!
Don't like the thought? Check this out...
http://tinyurl.com/ltajude
---
...Most Interesting. Thanks Victor!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
You can blame it on Sir Mix-a-Lot if you want to, but plastic
surgery is an obsession with many women who want bigger,
better, lips, breasts and, in the case of this unfortunate
victim, butts.
Apryl Brown says an acquaintance was offering silicone butt
injections at her house, at a cheaper price than a doctor's
office. However, the real cost would come later.
"I was in pain, my butt was hard, and I was itching," Brown
said.
It turned out to be a life-threatening staph infection.
When doctors removed the silicone, they found it was bathroom
caulk, the same stuff you can buy at Home Depot.
And it wouldn't be the first time a woman regretted taking
caulk in her butt.
Brown needed 27 surgeries, and she lost her hands and feet
to the infection. At one point, she thought she was going
to die.
Apryl Brown has learned to walk and write using prosthetics.
She says her goal is to educate others so they don't make
the same mistake as she did.
"All I would ask them to do is, when they have that first
thought, make sure they have a second thought about it and
do a little research," Brown said. "They won't be blind-
sided, and they won't be saying 'oh my God I had no idea
that a simple procedure like that can leave me with no
hands, no feet and no butt cheeks.'"
*-- Burglary suspect found hiding in box of stuffed animals
in Tacoma --*
TACOMA, Wash. (UPI) - What's wrong with a grown man liking
stuffed animals? Maybe nothing -- provided they are his.
Washington police officers found a man crammed into a
giant box of stuffed animals when they responded to a
burglary alarm at a Tacoma thrift store. According to
Pierce County Superior Court documents, officers responded
to the St. Vincent De Paul thrift store and found Michael
Howell hiding inside a box of stuffed animals in the yard
outside the store. The 29-year-old reportedly told officers
that he had smoked meth and then jumped in the box after
he got spooked by the burglar alarm. "I came here for
clothes and food, bro," Howell told police, KOMO reported.
Howell was charged with burglary and unlawful possession
of a controlled substance.
*-- 'Unmarked police car' bumper sticker leads to lawsuit against
Indianapolis police --*
INDIANAPOLIS (UPI) - An Indiana woman's $2.50 joke bumper
sticker could prove costly for a couple of Indianapolis
police officers. Pamela Konchinsky was headed to work when
she was pulled over by some Indianapolis Metro Police
Department officers. They were apparently concerned with
the "unmarked police car" bumper sticker that was taped to
the back window of her minivan and asked her to remove it.
The 56-year-old complied with the request, but after
speaking with some co-workers, decided to contact the
American Civil Liberties Union. Kelly Eskew, an attorney
with the ACLU of Indiana, described what allegedly happened
with Konchinsky and the officers. "The officer asked her,
'Is this your vehicle?' and asked for her license and
registration," Eskew told IndyStar.com. "And then he said,
'With that bumper sticker, someone could think you're
impersonating a police officer.'" Konchinsky was late to
work after the stop. "It's a joke -- it's ironic," Eskew
said. "It's like you or I wearing a T-shirt that says,
'Undercover cop.'" The city doesn't find the situation
funny at all. "We take every lawsuit against the city
extremely seriously," said Indianapolis corporation
counsel Samantha DeWester. The civil lawsuit claims that
the two officers violated Konchinsky's First Amendment
right to freedom of speech and it is seeking unspecified
damages to make up for lost wages and legal costs. "Ms.
Konchinsky has not put the bumper sticker back on her
minivan but wishes to do so," according to the suit.
*-- Groom chases down thief who allegedly stole gifts
from his wedding reception --*
JOPLIN, Mo. (UPI) - A groom got an unexpected surprise on
Saturday while he was renewing his vows after a year of
marriage during a ceremony in Joplin, Mo. Jared and
Stephanie Lightle were restating their vows during a
traditional wedding after he was deployed to Afghanistan
a year ago. While he was putting a gift in the car,
Lightle's mother pointed out an uninvited guest who she
had observed taking wedding gifts from a table in the
lobby of the wedding hall. Lightle shouted, "Stop! Thief!
Stop," and gave chase while still wearing his tuxedo and
leather shoes. The 28-year-old groom, his brother and
father chased the man out of the hall and he was
apprehended by police a few blocks away. When 31-year-old
Rosario Caruso was caught, he still allegedly had gift
cards and cash that were taken from the wedding. "If we
hadn't caught the guy, it would have ended an otherwise
perfect celebration on a very bitter note," the groom
told the Joplin Globe. "But, since police caught him and
it appears justice will be served. I guess we're going to
have a very unique wedding story to tell the rest of our
lives." Caruso has been charged with trespassing, larceny
and resisting arrest.
*-- South Korean World Cup team welcomed home by being pelted
with toffees --*
SEOUL (UPI) - When South Korea's World Cup team returned
home after only collecting a single point and failing to
advance in the tournament, unsatisfied fans did not give
them a very sweet reception even though they had candies
tossed at them. The soccer squad was pelted with toffees
as they arrived at Incheon International Airport near
Seoul after arriving home without a World Cup win in any
of its three games in Brazil. According to the Guardian,
"go eat a toffee" is an insult in South Korea which is
comparable to "get lost" or "screw you." (Good thing the
phrase isn't "go eat a bowling ball.") "I am sorry that
we weren't able to return the love and support shown by
our people during the World Cup," South Korea Coach Hong
Myunbg-bo told the Korea Herald. "It was due to my
deficiency as a coach that we didn't put up the desired
results. But our players all have a bright future ahead
and not everything was lost from this tournament." The
president of the Korea Football Association will be
meeting with Myung-bo "within this week" to discuss the
coach's status. After two losses and one draw in the
World Cup, Myung-bo is facing pressure to step down
even though his contract extends through the Asian Cup
tournament in January. "Firing the head coach based on
poor results isn't always the best course of action,"
said an anonymous KFA official. "President Chung will
sit down with coach Hong for some candid talks."
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
/ .-
|/,-'`
_.-'''-._
_.;.--._.--.;._
.` /( o/ \o )\ `.
; '-' '-' ;
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; | : | ;
\ | : | /
'._| : |_.'
jgs '._.'
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com-
ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.
After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked
these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one
of them?"
Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "About
10 years."
-<>-
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across
the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined,
they decided to go in together to buy a car.
After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the
street between them.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest
sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash,
so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing.
"I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside
the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw,
walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of
the tailpipe.
-<>-
One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that
his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"
His father told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."
This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. "What's
a Tupperware party, Dad?"
The man had always given my son honest answers, so he
figured a simple explanation would be the best approach.
"Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of
ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."
He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious
pastime.
Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said.
"What is it really?"
-<>-
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go
out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first
blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
So the both started yelling, "Together! Together!"
-<>-
During lunch, an ad for a lending institution came on the
television set in our employees' lounge. As the commercial
extolled the pleasures of extra money, I remarked that there
was no such thing as "extra" money.
"Yes, there is," my supervisor retorted. "It's what you have
right before your car breaks down."
-<>-
Many patients call the pathology group where I am office
manager to discuss their medical bills. One irate woman
demanded that I describe every laboratory test on her
statement.
Reluctantly, I complied. Starting with the first test on her
bill, I read, "No. 1, urinalysis."
She interrupted me at once. "I'm a what?"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
\\/////
|6 6|
( _\ |
| = |
|\___/
___/| |__
/` | '----' |`\
/ | | \
/~% | ; \
/ /\/ |`\ \
\ \ | | / /
`\ \| |/ /`
`\; |/`
(| |)
|_________|
| | |
| | |
|____|__|
\ | |
| ) )
/ | |
|___|__|
\===|==|
/ `-.`-.
jgs \______)__)
>Top Ten Organized Crime Money Savings Tips!
1. When taking a body out to Jersey, use mass transit.
2. Every time you kill a guy, put a nickel in a jar.
3. Tap into nearly endless supply of cheap Mexican hit-men.
4. Make threatening phone calls after 11pm, when rates are
lowest.
5. When you whack two or three guys, stuff them in same
trunk and carpool it.
6. Inexpensive pinkie ring substitute: Plastic tab-pull
from half gallon of orange juice.
7. Fire pricey nickname consultants -- everyone is either
"Fat Tony" or "Knuckles."
8. Pasta is very inexpensive and very filling.
9. Forget expensive car bombs--just sneak up behind the
guy and yell, "Ker-pow!"
10. Limit yourself to ten "fugeddaboudits" a day.
-<>-
>From the world of sports...
_
/ )
/ /
.-""-.//'
/_____C\___
/// 6 6~\~~`
( 7 )
\ '='/
_//'---'\ _
( \ `\ (_) == = -
jgs (\/`-.__/ /
"`-._ _.'
``
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I
wan' all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the
upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards,
whichever comes first."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run
over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of
the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear
earrings."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is
a guy like Norman Einstein."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it
takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys
line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up
in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again
with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to
come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not
Princeton."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training
regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets
up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time
it is."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know
if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I
told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or
apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Me And My Pony!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestbuds.html
We Three Friends!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/threefriends.html
The Real Three Bears!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bears.html
Morons At Work!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html
Boys To President!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html
Hiking In China
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html
Mountain Biking
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountainbiking.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
They've seen a lot of change in their lifetime - we all have - but
Google Glass is a new tech unlike any other. You have to see how these
folks react to this high-tech gadget. They're saying exactly what we're
thinking!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw95AZzPpsU&feature=player_embedded
Born July of this year, little pandas Mei Lun and Mei Huan are the
first panda twins to ever survive birth in the US. Watch the first 100
days of their lives as they go from pink and tiny to black, white and
beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=c30i79-FA3M
This cool optical illusion is created using a bunch of candles arranged
in a triangular shape on the floor. I hope it was cold inside when they
performed this magical illusion as those candles must have put off some
heat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9PZizBDBZw
---
...Wowsers! Neat! Mesmerizing! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Draw a Stickman
http://www.drawastickman.com/
New Tab
https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0%26autoplay=1
Gun Control Works - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/embed/0sujnvIV4g4
---
...Good Links! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Juggler---- This is hilarious
https://www.youtube.com/embed/n6mbW-jMtrY?rel=0
What Do Germans Do With Their Empty Beer Bottles?
http://www.youtube.com/embed/k26nt3Y4cmg?rel=0
---
...LMAO! Thanks Geniann!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze
is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is
broken.
"It's better to have loved and lost a short person than never
to have loved a tall." --David Chambless
"I think a secure profession for young people is history
teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more
of it to teach." --Bill Muse
"Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a
way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and
you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. That's not love
I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail." --Jack Handey
An off-ramp of a freeway in Long Beach, CA, has been torn up
for years. Recently, someone put up a handmade sign reading,
"Scientists tell us that the sun will burn out in one and a
half billion years. It is sad that this contractor will have
to finish working in the dark."
When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the
one that says..."If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-
GAMBLER." So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six.
The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"
"A Connecticut woman was arrested after she sent her son to
school with a grenade for his World War II-related show and
tell. Though I'd say the school was asking for trouble when
they planned a World War II-related show and tell."
-Seth Meyers
"During the World Cup, Uruguay is playing Italy and one of
their players bites an Italian player. FIFA, the world soccer
governing body, says the guy who did the biting has to wear
one of those dog cones for the rest of the tournament."
-Dave Letterman
"A man walked into McDonald's with a knife in his back. Yeah,
with a knife in his back. His heart wasn't in danger until
he ordered the food, said doctors." -Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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