It's Just A CLICK Away! ... :) Shangy! >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press - So Hot it's Smoking! These two fun picture pages come via our friend Steve! He's been super great at sharing some really fun things with us lately! I couldn't resist doing up pages on these two .. once you see them you'll understand why! * _..-.._ * * .'_/ _ \_'. /_ _| __|_ _\___ * | _ |_ _| _ | /\ jgs |___|___J___|__\/ This hotel is COOL! Literally! - It is made completely of ice and snow - It is the Ice Hotel in Sweden! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/icehotel.html __ __ {_/ \_}\\ _ _\(_)_ (_)_)(_)_ (_)(_)_)(_) (_)(_))_) (_(_(_) (_)_) jgs (_) This artist Plays With His Food! Literally! AND gets paid to do so! See his work here - Veggie Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggie.html ...Thanks Steve for bringing us more Ooos And Awwws! ==================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: >Fasten Your Seat Belts And Assume Crash Position Flight seven-oh-niner has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water". "Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified. "Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs". "And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me?" asks the little lady. "Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much". __ o /' ) /' ( , __/' ) .' `; o _.-~~~~' ``---..__ .' ; _.--' b) ``--...____.' .' ( _. )). `-._ < `vvvvvvv-)-.....___.- `-. __...--'-.'. `^^^^^'-------.....`-.___.'----... .' `.; jgs `-` ~~~ =============================================================== +----------- Bizarre Laws From Around the U.S. ------------+ California: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine. Illinois, Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth. Florida: Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. Alaska: It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. Arizona: You may not have more than two dildos in a house. Illinois, Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. New York: The penalty for jumping off a building is death. Florida: It is considered an offense to shower naked. Maryland, Baltimore : It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. Texas: A recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. California, San Francisco: It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Betty :) >The Atheist and The Bear :"'._..---.._.'"; `. .' .' ^ ^ `. : a a : __....._ : _.-0-._ :---'""'"-....--'" '. : .' : `. : `,`. `.: '--'--' :.' ; ; : `._`-'_.' ;.' `. '"' ; `. ' ; `. ` : ` ; .`. ; ; : ; .' `-.' ; : ;`. __.' .' .' : ; `. .' __.' .'`--..__ _._.' ; ; `......' .' `'""'`.' ;......-' jgs `.......-' `........' An atheist was walking through the woods... when he stopped and thought: "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" Then, as he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him! He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He ran faster when he looked over his shoulder again, and saw that the bear was even closer! He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him... reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time Stopped! The bear froze... And the forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky... "You deny my existence for all these years... and try to teach others I don't exist... and even credit creation to a cosmic accident? Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to now count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light, "Well, it would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now... but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said God. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed... And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen." --- ...Whoops! *giggles* See what happens when you don't 'Let Go and Let God'? - You just don't always make the right decision! -<,,>- >TRUE WARNING: DUSTING...A LETHAL HIGH !! If you haven't heard about this already please read it, if you already know, then pass it along to someone who may not know about it. First, I'm going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff. I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for its crime rate. We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were # 2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it. He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs. Read the rest of this TRUE STORY here: www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/dustoff.asp --- ...Thanks Betty! The more informed we are, the more safe our families can be! =================================================================== >-->From Our friend Steve :) >Older Women I have been married 36 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 36 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, no car, no TV, no money and slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a hot, good looking 18 year old. Now, we have a beautiful house, two nice cars, king size bed, money and a 50" screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 54 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 18 year old beautiful girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, no car, no money and sleeping on a sofa bed. Aren't older women great? ,S&S&S&s, S&C ^^>S& &S`\_ =_)`S .-) (-. / /\ /\ \ ||||| / (_ \/ _) \/ @@ .-._ \ \)____(__|c _\ \__) //)|\\ ( \ _( HEY! .-._\ // __\____\ \/_ __ \__)\/ /) ) ) ) \___(__\ \ \/ /` / | / | \ /` | | | | `' \ | \ | jgs (\\ (\\ Y\_\Y\_\ They really know how to solve your mid-life Crisis. -<,,>- >A Sweet Classic - DEATH ~ WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT!!!!! A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side." Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know." "You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?" The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened ,:'/ _..._ // ( `""-.._.' \| / 6\___ | 6 4 | / \_ .--' (_'---'`) / `'---`() ,' | , .'` | )\ _.-' ; / | .'` _ / /` / .' '. , | / / / \ ; | | | \ | | .| | | \ `"| /.-' | | | '-..-\ _.;.._ | |.;-. \ <`.._ )) | .;-. )) (__. ` ))-' \_ ))' `'--"` jgs `"""` the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness. Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing... I know my Master is there and that is enough." READ & Forward May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. ---- ...Nice one - Thanks Steve! -<>- Check out "Amazing Squirrel" at Hallpass.com http://www.hallpass.com/media/amazingsquirrel.html Hey! - wait less in your life! http://www.waitless.org?video=turboparking Funny UK Prank: http://www.videojihad.com/videos/Random/_Viral_Vids/Ukraine_University_Prank ---- ...These are great fun 'clicks' - Thanks! :) ================================================================ >-->From our Friend John-Paul :) Yoohoo! . -._ O / ` ' / \ ()) __ _..--.. .-'`-. .-d-b-. --' `_.-' ``.._. ` .' `. _. .-' a:f ,-' ~OBSTACLES~ For every hill I've had to climb, For every stone that bruised my feet, For all the Blood, Sweat, and Grime, For blinding storms, and burning heat, My Heart sings, but a "Greatful Song". For these were the things that made me `Strong`! {Yes, it is true Though I have overcome all these Obstacles, Yet, I lay down my `Soul` at your feet, My Sweet LORD and GOD. For Cowards die many times before death. But, The `Valiant` never taste of Death but Once.} So, For all the heartaches, and all the tears, For all the anguish, and all the pain, For all the gloomy days, and fruitless years, For all the hopes that lived in vain, I do give "Thanks", for now I know, These were the "Things" that helped me GROW! ~"The Dream Merchant"~ John-Paul written: May / 12 / 2001 --- ...Thanks John-Paul - yes - as my teacher in the Word taught us - It is the rocks in the brook that make it sing. Without the obstacles for the water to go over, it wouldn't make much of a sound. ======================================================= >-->From Our friend Kay :) >The Japanese have finally revealed a mystery for you. __ __ ,',.\/,.`. \(_,''._)/ ._(.||.)_, (,>(__)<.) '`-.==,-'` )(_ Don't Look At Me! _____ _.' `-. _.-'' ,','| \.\ ,-' `-.`: . :\\_ /,::::, ,::::, ,>))._ ,' `'` //::::/ /::::/ / )'/. //::::/ /::::/ / ,',|`.\ /______________/ /,'||'|)) \ _ _ __ _ _ _ \,':(_ |('((__ \___(,.)SSt____\,|_)))_))`--` /,' // How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the mouse? Haven't you ever wondered how it works? Through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done. With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes apparent. Click on the link below and you will find out. The image may take a minute or two to download and when it appears, slowly move your mouse over the light gray circle and you will see how the magic works. Follow this link and find out the truth http://www.1-click.jp/ ---- ...Thanks Kay - I love it too when you press the mouse button! ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From AFA: Ford sponsors Seattle gay pride parade .------. :|||"""`.`. :||| 7.`. .===+===+===+===+===||`----L7'-`7`---.._ [] F O R D || == | """-. []...._____.........||........../ _____ ____| c\____/,---.\_ ||_________/ /,---.\_ _/ hjw /_,-/ ,-. \ `._____|__________||/ ,-. \ \_[ /\ `-' / /\ `-' / `---' `---' Having just sponsored the Gay Pride Festival in Cleveland, Ohio, Ford Motor Company followed up by sponsoring the Seattle Gay Pride Parade held June 24 in the city’s downtown. To the right is a picture from the parade, which was linked from the SeattlePride.org Web site. The picture shows a “marriage” float with two men, dressed in tuxedos, standing atop a wedding cake. Ford felt a float pushing same-sex marriage was worthy of their financial support. On June 7, AFA asked Chairman Bill Ford for a meeting to discuss their support of this lifestyle. Chairman Ford has not responded. For more information on why AFA and scores of other organizations are boycotting Ford, click here. http://www.boycottford.com/ Take Action Forward this e-mail to your family and friends, and especially to your pastor. Pastors need to be aware of Ford’s support for the homosexual agenda. If you have not done so, click here to sign the Boycott Ford Pledge. http://www.boycottford.com/ Sincerely, Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman American Family Association http://www.afa.net/ --- ...Nice to know where your money goes when you buy a Ford. Consequently, Paul and I still won't - even though Paul had his eye on the new Mustang -<>- >From BizarreNews: ____ _/____]__ |_v'_]"__"] PS) "find the release latch." `UJ-uJ--uJ -- Dad in court for locking kids in trunk --------- WRENTHAM, Mass. - A game of "find the release latch" didn't go over too well in Massachusetts where a man was arrested for locking his two daughters in the trunk of his car. Michael Fekete, 48, Washington, D.C., was charged in Wrentham District Court with putting the girls, ages 9 and 11, in the trunk in 90-degree heat Saturday while he visit- ed his mother in a Foxborough nursing home. Fekete told the court he left the children inside for about 30 seconds, although a witness apparently told police it was more like several minutes, WCVB-TV, Boston, reported. Prosecutors said the two kids told police they had climbed into the trunk to see if the emergency release latch glowed in the dark. They said they were playing "find the release latch." The judge ordered Fekete back to court next month and requested Washington social workers check in on the family. * v \ _ ('_. ( )( ) (\ )) - a:f - -- Miami firefighters revive pet poodle --------- MIAMI - A pet poodle trapped in a burning building in the Miami-area was rescued and revived by firefighters using an IV and an oxygen mask. The poodle, named Cookie, had passed out from the smoke at the burning home Monday morning while the owners were away, the Miami Herald reported Monday. Three fire trucks and a fire rescue unit with Miami-Dade Fire Rescue arrived on the scene and entered the house by breaking through the front door and sawing an entrance through the garage door. Cookie was found by firefighter Orestes Gonzalez, taken outside and revived, the Herald said. -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: ) .-----. / ; / BEE- \ } __-___.'_ , _, ( UTIFUL ) ( ,-""____,____>===---=._ \ DAY / "' .-" II ' "-. '-. .-' ,' /\ . .'.:. O ) . /\())\,. ' : ;/ o } ' (())\\)) : \ // .-öö I . : //\\//\\ . .;-;./ \_| I , '\\//))//. . :.\.\.;'' } ; .(())//)) ' \ \\ ) : .\/())/ . ' '' ] , . ' \/ . ] . ; . ) 400-pound beehive found in Tucson, Ariz. A 400-pound beehive was removed from an assisted living center in Tucson, Ariz., after the bees attacked some landscapers. The men who removed the nine-square-foot honeycomb said it had been in the building's third-story roof for at least three years, KPHO-TV, Phoenix, reported Monday. They estimated the hive contained at least a quarter-million bees. ---_ ......._-_--. (|\ / / /| \ \ / / .' -=-' `. / / .' ) _/ / .' _.) / / o o _.-' / .' \ _.-' / .'*| \______.-'// .'.' \*| \| \ | // .'.' _ |*| ` \|// .'.'_ _ _|*| . .// .'.' | _ _ \*| \`-|\_/ / \ _ _ \*\ `/'\__/ \ _ _ \*\ /^| \ _ _ \* ' ` \ _ _ \ ASH (+VK) \_ 14-foot python found in Holy Hill, Fla. A giant 14-foot python that was found in Holy Hill, Fla., will be turned over to either a zoo or a local animal rehab center, officials said. Experts said the reticulated python was so strong that it was impossible to get an exact length measurement, but it was definitely large enough to kill dogs and cats or small children, WFTV-TV, Orlando, reported Monday. The snake was reportedly in good health. Authorities said it likely was released or escaped from someone's pen, since the species is not indigenous to Florida. The snake was expected to be relocated within the next few days. __i |---| |[_]| |:::| Police warn of phone scam |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm Police in an Indiana county have warned local residents of a phone scam carried out by inmates at the Cook County Jail in Chicago. The calls begin with a recorded message in Spanish asking the recipient to accept a collect call from an inmate and specifying an "emergency situation," The Indianapolis Star reported. Johnson County Sheriff's Detective James Bryant said if the call is accepted, an inmate then poses as a police officer and tells the person a relative has been hurt in an accident. He refers the person to another number for information, but that phone will be answered by someone who claims not to know anything and pretends to be angry. Unwittingly, the victim has connected the inmate with a friend, allowing them to talk for free. Bryant said some victims have had unauthorized charges of up to $100 on their bills. Bryant said the inmates appear to have targeted Johnson County and phone numbers beginning with 422 because they have had good luck there. The Cook County Sheriff's Department also is investigating the scam. ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Bob :) >YOU WORRY ME The paper stated today that some Muslim doctor is saying we are profiling him because he has been checked three times while getting on an airplane. ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland The following is a letter from a pilot. This well spoken man, who is a pilot with American Airlines, says what is in his heart, beautifully.... Read, absorb and pass this on. "YOU WORRY ME!" By American Airlines Pilot - Captain John Maniscalco I've been trying to say this since 9-11, but you worry me. I wish you didn't. I wish when I walked down the streets of this country that I love, that your color and culture still blended with the beautiful human landscape we enjoy in this country. But you don't blend in anymore. Inotice you, and it worries me. I notice you because I can't help it anymore. People from your homelands, professing to be Muslims, have been attacking and killing my fellow citizens and our friends for more than 20 years now. I don't fully understand their grievances and hate, but I know that nothing can justify the inhumanity of their attacks. On September 11, nineteen ARAB-MUSLIMS hijacked four jetliners in my country. They cut the throats of women in front of children and brutally stabbed to death others. They took control of those planes and crashed them into buildings killing thousands of proud fathers, loving sons, wise grandparents, elegant daughters, best friends, favorite coaches, fearless public servants, and children's mothers. The Palestinians Celebrated, The Iraqis were overjoyed as was most of the Arab world. So, I notice you now. I don't want to be worried. I don't want to be consumed by the same rage and hate and prejudice that has destroyed the soul of these terrorists. But I need your help. As a rational American, trying to protect my country and family in an irrational and unsafe world, I must know how to tell the difference between you, and the Arab/Muslim terrorist. How do I differentiate between the true Arab/Muslim-Americans and the Arab/Muslim terrorists in our communities who are attending our schools, enjoying our parks, and living in OUR communities under the protection of OUR constitution, while they plot the next attack that will slaughter these same good neighbors and children? The events of September 11th changed the answer. It is not my responsibility to determine which of you embraces our great country, with ALL of its religions, with ALL of its different citizens, with all of its faults. It is time for every Arab/Muslim in this country to determine it for me. I want to know, I demand to know, and I have a right to know, whether or not you love America. Do you pledge allegiance to its flag? Do you proudly display it in front of your house, or on your car? Do you pray in your many daily prayers that Allah will bless this nation, that He will protect and prosper it? Or do you pray that Allah will destroy it in one of your Jihads? Are you thankful for the freedom that only this nation affords? A freedom that was paid for by the blood of hundreds of thousands of patriots who gave their lives for this country? Are you willing to preserve this freedom by also paying the ultimate sacrifice? Do you love America ? If this is your commitment, then I need YOU to start letting ME know about it. Your Muslim leaders in this nation should be flooding the media at this time with hard facts on your faith, and what hard actions you are taking as a community and as a religion to protect the United States of America. Please, no more benign overtures of regret for the death of the innocent because I worry about who you regard as innocent. No more benign overtures of condemnation for the unprovoked attacks because I worry about what is unprovoked to you. I am not interested in any more sympathy. I am only interested in action. What will you do for America - our great country - at this time of crisis, at this time of war? I want to see Arab-Muslims waving the AMERICAN flag in the streets. I want to hear you chanting "Allah Bless America " I want to see young Arab/Muslim men enlisting in the military. I want to see a commitment of money, time, and emotion to the victims of this butchering and to this nation as a whole. The FBI has a list of over 400 people they want to talk to regarding the WTC attack. Many of these people live and socialize right now in Muslim communities. You know them. You know where they are. Hand them over to us, now! But I have seen little even approaching this sort of action. Instead I have seen an already closed and secretive community close even tighter. You have disappeared from the streets. You have posted armed security guards at your facilities. You have threatened lawsuits. You have screamed for protection from reprisals. The very few Arab/Muslim representatives that HAVE appeared in the media were defensive and equivocating. They seemed more concerned with making sure that the United States proves who was responsible before taking action. They seemed more concerned with protecting their fellow Muslims from violence directed towards them in the United States and abroad than they did with supporting our country and denouncing "leaders" like Khadafi, Hussein, Farrakhan, and Arafat. If the true teachings of Islam proclaim tolerance and peace and love for all people, then I want chapter and verse from the Koran and statements from popular Muslim leaders to back it up. What good is it if the teachings in the Koran are good, and pure, and true, when your "leaders" are teaching fanatical interpretations, terrorism, and intolerance? It matters little how good Islam SHOULD BE if huge numbers of the world's Muslims interpret the teachings of Mohammed incorrectly and adhere to a degenerative form of the religion. A form that has been demonstrated to us over and over again. A form whose structure is built upon a foundation of violence, death, and suicide. A form whose members are recruited from the prisons around the world. A form whose members (some as young as five years old) are seen day after day, week in and week out, year after year, marching in the streets around the world, burning effigies of our presidents, burning the American flag, shooting weapons into the air. A form whose members convert from a peaceful religion, only to take up ar ms against the great United States of America, the country of their birth. A form whose rules are so twisted, that their traveling members refuse to show their faces at airport security checkpoints, in the name of Islam. We will NEVER allow the attacks of September 11, or any others for that matter, to take away that which is so precious to us: Our rights under the greatest constitution in the world. I want to know where every Arab Muslim in this country stands and I think it is my right and the right of every true citizen of this country to demand it. A right paid for by the blood of thousands of my brothers and sisters who died protecting the very constitution that is protecting you and your family. I am pleading with you to let me know. I want you here as my brother, my neighbor, my friend, as a fellow American. But there can be no gray areas or ambivalence regarding your allegiance and it is up to YOU, to show ME, where YOU stand. Until then . "YOU WORRY ME!" THIS IS TOO GOOD TO JUST READ AND DELETE.... LET'S SATURATE THE USA WITH THIS ONE! --- ...Yep - we need to know! Thanks Bob ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friends Del, Casey, & MrWu :) >SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE.... TRUE _ //\ | \/ ||~ _ _ ||_ [ L___I ] | /\ | ... | ,@\\/ ,@@@, ,@@@@@, | ::: | @, ,@@" "@@@, ,@@" "@@@, ,@@@@"| ''' | jgs "@@@@@" "@@@@@" "@@@@" '=========' A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called. 4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate. 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed simply by pissing and moaning. Just thought you'd like to know. --- ...Teehee - Thanks Del for letting us know! ;) ============================================================= >-->** FAMOUS LAST WORDS ** * I'll get a world record for this.. * It's fireproof. * He's probably just hibernating. * What does this button do? * It's probably just a rash. * Are you sure the power is off? * Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it? * The odds of that happening have to be a million to one! * Pull the pin and count to what? * Which wire was I supposed to cut? * I wonder where the mother bear is. * I've seen this done on TV. * These are the good kind of mushrooms. * I'll hold it and you light the fuse. * Let it down slowly. * Rat poison only kills rats. * It's strong enough for both of us. * This doesn't taste right. * I can make this light before it changes. * Nice doggie. * I can do that with my eyes closed. * I've done this before. * Well, we've made it this far. * That's odd. * You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? * Don't be so superstitious. * Now watch this. ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has come from the links. While he's driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?" "Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving." "Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer." -<>- My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story. We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?" My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor." -<>- _ mMm _[_]_ /(_)\ (_) //)^(\\//:\\ /(/&@&\)\|~|/ / /-~`~-\ ||| `/ \||| `-------'-'-- Knowing that photography was a passion of mine, my cousin asked if I'd take her wedding pictures. I agreed, but instantly became a nervous wreck. Would the photos be in focus? Would she like the composition? Could I get a shot of everyone? Finally my wife heard enough. "Stop worrying about it!" she said. "If they'd wanted a real photographer they would have gotten one." -<>- As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, I directed officers late one night to strategic positions around a building where a dangerous suspect was hiding. Believing the culprit to be on the roof, I decided to have an officer shine his flash-light in that direction on my command. At just the right moment, I whispered to him, "Okay, throw a light on the roof." The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of the building. -<>- [collected, with family friendly edits, from Overheard in the Office, Overheard on the Beach, and Overheard in New York.] Marketing Guy: Why haven't you kept me up-to-date on this account? Ops Guy: I've cc'd you on every e-mail I sent to them! Marketing Guy: I don't have time to read my e-mails. There's too much information in them. If you send me an important e-mail, give me a call to let me know I need to check it. === Blonde: Mmmm, it smells so good in here! Doesn't it smell good in here? I love it! I just want to eat what's in my nose right now! Friend: I know! === Sales Guy, entering a meeting: Sorry I'm late.... Director of Marketing: You brought doughnuts? Coffee? Sales Guy: Nooooo.... Director of Marketing: Then you're dead to us. Get out. === Father: You see, girls, there is an election coming up, and so far we have only had boring white men. This time we could have a black man or a woman as our president! Four-year-old Daughter: But Daddy, we're white! Father: Yes, but we aren't boring. === Teen, trying on a jacket: How does this look on me, on a scale of one to ten, with five being in the middle? === Woman: He's very successful. I'm sure he's a millionaire by now, and he's only 26. He never even graduated from college. Girl: I'm soooooo jealous. I wish I didn't have an education. === Dude: I'm sick of drama, and I'm sick of people coming down and crashing at my beach house. It's so annoying when people just use my stuff. Can I have some of your water? -<>- .-----. _.---//-"""-\\---._ ( (/ `-' ) _|`"--._________.--"'|_ (_| |_) ________ | | _.--""""" """"----._ | | (_ _) | | \`""---...________...----'/ `-.__ __.-' \___ __/ VK `""-----""' ""`-----------'"" Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes. One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?" ============================================================ >-->It's Just a 'CLICK' Away - FUN Places to Net Visit :) >From Linky&Dinky: WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY... 26 mile-long particle accelerator? (warning: wear ear protection) http://petermccready.com/portfolio/05091901.html SIGHTLESS SKETCHING Scroll down to see how famous cartoonist draw their famous characters while blindfolded. http://tinyurl.com/22bzru iGOD http://www.religious-podcasts.net/ TRY THE DEBT WIZARD Extrapolates the exact date you'll go bankrupt. http://tinyurl.com/yp2wge I THINK I'M GOING TO START KITTYCLICKS.COM, because the whole cute-cat-pictures -with-captions thing is taking over. http://icanhascheezburger.com/ -<>- >From The MouthPiece: THE YUCKIEST LITTLE MINIATURE GOLF COURSE IN THE WEST Grab your best girl, favorite guy, some band-aids, neosporine, and itch relief powder. It's time to go to a land of rust. Where barely working props might just snap off and fall on your head if you don't watch out... http://www.redtongue.com/golfintro.html THE UPSIDE DOWN MAP PAGE This site puts a whole new perspective on the world. Here you will see maps with South at the top and North at the bottom. And you can read about other maps that are printed with the East in the top or center of the map. http://www.flourish.org/upsidedownmap/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: SwordSister's w/God's Work of Art http://domania.us/SwordSisters/Inspirations7/GodsWorkArt.html You Were There http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/YOUWERETHERE.HTML Connie Sue w/Rainy Days: http://www.thensingsmysoul.net/RainyDays.html Take This Job http://members.aol.com/cc2rabbit/page2/Stuff.html All about Gardening or How to Garden http://www.plantideas.com/etera/ Crossword Creator http://www.varietygames.com/CW/ Tall Ships Nova Scotia Festival 2007 Via Dianne http://www.tallshipsnovascotia.com/ships.aspx To subscribe send a blank email to lynnlynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com ============================================================= >--->Quotes & Thunkers: "I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners." —Jeff Stilson "My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?'" -Adam Sandler "The whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I've got my life." --Jerry Seinfeld "On a recent Continental flight, a flight attendant kicked a mother and baby off the plane because the baby was too loud. They must have been loud, because the mother and baby were kicked off somewhere over Kansas." -Conan O'Brien "Another scorching day. They say this heat is either due to global warming or because it's July. They are not quite sure." -Jay Leno "David and Victoria Beckham arrived in L.A. from England last week. She's the former Spice Girl, he's the famous soccer player. I guess we're supposed to be excited about this, even though we don't care about soccer or the Spice Girls." -Jimmy Kimmel "Waffle iron? Why on earth would you want to iron a waffle? Wouldn't that just flatten out all the little squares? no, I believe waffles should be dry cleaned. Pancakes, of course, should always be ironed." --George Carlin "Frankly, I don't believe people think of their office as a work place anymore. They think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee--and then you go home." --Jerry Seinfeld An off-ramp of a freeway in Long Beach, CA, has been torn up for years. Recently, someone put up a handmade sign reading, "Scientists tell us that the sun will burn out in one and a half billion years. It is sad that this contractor will have to finish working in the dark." "Former President Bill Clinton about to publish a new book called 'Giving'. 'Giving'. Shouldn't getting be the name of his new book?" - Jay Leno "Pageant officials say that Miss New Jersey won't be punished despite posing for embarrassing photos. Officials said living with the title Miss New Jersey is punishment enough." - Conan O'Brien "The president's approval rating just keeps getting lower and lower. Right now President Bush is ranked somewhere between former President Richard Nixon and the hunter who shot Bambi." - Jimmy Kimmel "We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of Peace." --William E. Gladstone {1809-1888 British Sttatesman} >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Wow Baby :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: a href="http://tinyurl.com/2vrfzv">This Weeks regular Shangy emails ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES IN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or yyou'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************