It's Just A Hunch & More ... :) Shangy!
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===========================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
>We've got another one - Hot off the Shangy Press!
This comes from our friend Jo Ann. She's been sending us
so many good ones here lately that I made an inbox folder
just for her forwards just to keep her things straight!
I saw this one and of course it caught my eye. I have this
thing for bears I guess. It is because I have such respect
and awe for them as a predator. They are fierce. I met my
first one close up at Yellowstone Park. The place where they
tell you in sign after sign 'Do Not Feed The Bears'.
.'"'. ___,,,___ .'``.
: (\ `."'"``` ```"'"-' /) ;
: \ `./ .'
`. :.'
/ _ _ \
| 0} {0 |
| / \ | FEED ME!
| / \ |
| / \ |
\ | .-. | /
`. | . . / \ . . | .'
jgs `-._\.'.( ).'./_.-'
`\' `._.' '/'
`. --'-- .'
`-...-'
Well, we were trying to get into the park. Hadn't gotten
very far actually and weren't getting very far either thanks
to the traffic. The cars were moving extra slow. I was just a
young teen at the time in the back seat behind my step dad
who was driving. We soon found out why everyone was going
so slow. Black bears were on the dirt road. Some were beside
the cars, others in front of the cars, and as we found out,
some just came and stood up by the car walking along side
with it.
That is what one big black bear decided to do to our car.
Pressing it's face right next to our Pop, scaring the heck
out of him. He hurriedly tried to roll the window up and then
yelled at us kids for doing what we did. My older brothers,
beside me, threw the donuts we had in the back seat, outside
so that the bear had to jump down off our car and go retrieve
them. We were able to drive away. Hey, how else were we to get
rid of the bear? He must of smelled them. Don't feed the bears
- yeah, right. They have their own ideas!
The bear didn't scare me then, but I saw it's claws and how big
it was and how strong it was right up next to me. Later I watched
documentaries on bears. They showed me that you cannot run from
a bear. A bear can easily out run you. You cannot climb a tree
to get away from a bear as they are excellent climbers. You
cannot swim to get away from a bear as water doesn't scare them.
They are very strong. Much stornger then any man. When they decide
to attack a person, they first try to crack open their head with
their teeth much like a coconut. If they don't succeed in cracking
their scull open, they will scalp them or leave much of their
facial skin marred. After all, they are going for a kill when
they attack. They may or may not want to eat the person. They say
the best you can do is go into a fetal position to protect your
head and face from a bear and act dead so they will leave you alone
- that is, of course, if they don't want to eat you. I've also seen
them say that yelling and loud noises may scare them away, but
generally when all else fails - stop, drop and tuck!
.--. .--.
: (\ ". _......_ ." /) :
'. ` ` .'
/' _ _ `\
/ 0} {0 \
| / \ | I'm A Wild Guy!
| /' `\ |
\ | . .==. . | /
'._ \.' \__/ './ _.'
jgs / ``'._-''-_.'`` \
`--`
I would not want to ever come across a bear in the wild. These
pictures from Jo Ann simply increased my feelings. Very sad to see
such a beautiful animal down like this, but is a good reminder to
people who live around and close to bears to do all the rangers
say to do to avoid any bear encounters. They are not Cuddly little
Teddy Bears! Check it out for yourself here...
h h
h(")(")h
("),--.(")
:" ";
`.____,' sk
Grizzly Bear Killed by Truck
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grizzly.html
---
...Awesome pictures! Thank You for sharing with us Jo Ann!
=================================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone: My Best Friend
_|/
." ".
__ /(o)-(o)\
A man is sitting at the bar in his /_)|| / |
local tavern, furiously imbibing shots |_)|| '- |
of whiskey. is best friend happens \_)|| '.___.' / |\/|_
to come into the bar and sees him. | / \ \_/ / _| '/
"Ben,"says the shocked friend, "what |--\ '.___.' \ ) /
are you doing?" I've known you for \ \_/\__/\__ |==|
over fifteen years, and I've never \ \ /\ /\ `\ | |
seen you take a drink before. What's \ \\// \| |
going on?" `\ /\ | / |
jgs ; || |\____/
Without even taking his eyes off | || |
his newly filled shot glass, the man
replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "*I'm* your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes,
smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! **HE** is!"
=============================================================
+--------------- Bizarre Historical Trivia ----------------+
100 years ago....
Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a
bathtub.
There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of
paved roads.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more
heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million
residents, California was only the twenty-first most
populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per
year.
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a
dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month and used
borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Drive-by-shootings - in which teenage boys galloped down
the street on horses and started randomly shooting at
houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their
fancy - were an ongoing problem in Denver and other
cities in the West.
Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered
yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced
tea hadn't been invented.
Some medical authorities warned that professional seam-
stresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the
steady rhythm of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They
recommended slipping bromide - which was thought to
diminish sexual desire - into the woman's drinking water.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the
counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist,
"Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,
regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a
perfect guardian of health."
Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.
There were about 230 reported murders in the U.S. annually.
============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
(()__(()
/ \
( / \ \
\ o o /
(_()_)__/ \
/ _,==.____ \
( |--| ) It's just water!
/\_.|__|'-.__/\_
/ ( / \
\ \ ( /
) '._____) /
(((____.--(((____/mrf
A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol
on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle
on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why
do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's
done it again!"
-<>-
Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of
Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated
on my driver's license.
"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."
-<>-
Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup.
"I think something is wrong with your back,"
the doctor says.
| (_) |
_.-|_____|
,' `
/ \
/ |
/ ;
_,' /
(_ /
'-._ /
'-._ (|
\\`-._)
\\ |
(_) |
____ |
/ ___\ |
,--.; /d\q )|
::._ \;\`- / |
::( `.\ `-' |
:::`. `.`-._,|
::: `. `-._,|;
;::: : `-._|__;
;::::: : |
::::::: : |
::::::: : |
:::::::.: \
::::::::: ,--.`._
| |_|__( __) \
jrei |_..__)_)`.____.'
"What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks.
"Oh, I don't know," the doctor replies.
"It's just a hunch."
-<>-
My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard
Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship,
he was impressed by the neatness of all decks.
However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he
couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything
in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is
such a mess?"
"My house," Michelle said, "does not take 30-degree rolls."
-<>-
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birth-
day.
His wife told him, "Tomorrow there better be something in
the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in under 10
seconds."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the
driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom
scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for
Saturday.
-<>-
"Don't worry, I can stay out late tonight," Joe told his
friend Bob. "My wife's gone for a two-week vacation in the
Caribbean."
"Jamaica?" Bob asked.
"No, it was her idea."
===============================================================
>-->From Our Friend John-Paul :)
>What do you think?
From Richmond Times-Dispatch, Monday, July 7, 2008 ~
Dear Editor, "Times-Dispatch",
Each year I get to celebrate Independence Day twice. On June 30 I
celebrate my independence day, and on July 4--- I celebrate America's.
This year is special, because it marks the 40th anniversary of
`my Independence`.
On June 30, 1968, I escaped Communist Cuba, and a few months later, I
was in the United States to stay. I've thought a lot about the
anniversary this year. The election-year rhetoric has made me think
a lot about Cuba and what transpired there.
In the late 1950s, most Cubans thought Cuba needed a change, and they
were right.
So when a young leader came along, every Cuban was at least receptive.
When the young leader spoke eloquently and passionately and denounced
the old system, the press fell in love with him. They never questioned
who his friends were or what he really believed in. When he said he
would help the farmers and the poor and bring free medical care and
education to all, everyone followed. When he said he would bring justice
and equality to all, everyone said, 'Praise the Lord.'
And when the young leader said, 'I will be for change and I'll bring you
change,' everyone yelled, 'Viva Fidel!'
But nobody asked about the change, so by the time the executioner's guns
went silent, the people's guns had been taken away. By the time everyone
was equal, they were equally poor, hungry, and oppressed. By the time
everyone received their free education, it was worth nothing. By the
time the press noticed, it was too late, because they were now
working for him. By the time the change was finally implemented, Cuba
had been knocked down a couple of notches to Third-World status.
By the time the change was over, more than a million people had taken to
boats, rafts, and inner tubes. You can call those who made it ashore
anywhere else in the world the most fortunate Cubans.
And now I'm back to the beginning of my story.
NOW we would never fall in America for a young leader who promised
change without asking,
What change?
How will you carry it out?
What will it cost America?
OR WOULD WE REALY ASK?
Manuel Alvarez, Jr. Sandy Hook Va.
------------------------------------------
Ps: I Wonder if any one is Asking OR thinking about it.
Remember this:
If we do not remember what we learn from our mistakes, then we will
have to experience them all over again, , and again --- with much
more lost, and sorrow.
We here in America are looking for a quick fix, and as we grasp at
straws, WE see only our own little World around us,
And say:
"as long as it doesn`t effect me and mine, don`t bother me with other`s
problems." Maybe I`ll worry about that tomorrow",
~But tomorrow has now come!~
Wake Up America!
We seem to be Blind to reality,
as Disaster, like we have never known before,
lurks just around the corner.
You may say:
that I`m projecting -- Doom and Gloom.
No, I just look into the Greatest Book ever written ---
The Holy Bible.
It spells out every thing we are now living in, and must EXPERIENCE,
but there is HOPE.
You see, if you read the back of that Book, it tells you ~
`WE IN JESUS WILL WIN`~
GOD, also tell us, HE will shorten those days of Destruction, for Our
sake.
So, Christians hold your ground, keep the Faith, and look up ----
for He will come Quickly.
PRAISE GOD FOEVER!
Always~~~~~John-Paul
---
...Makes ya stop and think. Thank You John-Paul!
====================================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
TV Revenge
My Sister-in-law, Jeanie, works at a local grocery store. One day a
woman came through the check-out line. When it came time to pay for
her purchases the woman started digging through her purse for her
wallet. In the process of the search the customer was taking things
out of her purse. Out popped a TV remote. Jeanie was somewhat
surprised and indicated that while she had seen a lot of unusual
things pop out of purses over the years, she had never seen a TV
remote.
The lady explained, "Oh that! When I decided to come shopping I
asked my husband to come with me. He said he was busy and wanted to
stay home to watch sports on TV. I figured the best way to get even
was to bring the remote with me. He'll spend the whole time I'm out
going crazy tearing the den apart looking for the remote. Revenge is
a wonderful thing."
Wth that, the woman picked up her purchases and headed out the door
with a big smile on her face.
=====================================================================
>-->A Sweet Classic From Our Friend Viv :)
__ @@;,
( ; ? : );
_| |_ | | || | | _| |_
| \ \ \/ || \/ ___ / / |
__| |\ __||____||___||______/| |
||| | |_______ _________| | |||
||| |____ | | ____| ||| Design by
\ \______ ) | | / ______/ /
|| | | | | | /___| || Samule J. Neptune
|| | | |_ /| | |\ _| || ||
|| | \__, / | | | \<__/ | ||
>Come as you are, no jacket required.
[No Shirt? No Shoes? - - No Problem!!]
I shook my head in disbelief. This couldn't be the right place. After
all, I couldn't possibly be welcome here. I had been given an invitation
several times, by several different people, and I had finally decided to
see what this place was all about. But, this just couldn't be the right
place.
Quickly, I glanced down at the invitation that I clutched in my hand. I
scanned past the words, "Come as you are. No jacket required" and found
the location. Yes, I was at the right place. I peered through the window
again and saw a room of people whose faces seemed to glow with joy. All
were neatly dressed, adorned in fine garments and appeared strangely
clean as they dined at this exquisite restaurant.
Ashamed, I looked down at my own tattered and torn clothing, covered in
stains. I was dirty, in fact, filthy. A foul smell seemed to consume me
and I couldn't shake the grime that clung to my body. As I turned around
to leave, the words from the invitation seemed to leap out at me..."Come
as you are. No jacket required."
I decided to give it a shot. Mustering up every bit of courage I could
find, I opened the door to this restaurant and walked up to a man
standing behind a podium. "Your name, sir?" he asked me with a smile.
"Jimmy D. Brown," I mumbled without looking up. I thrust my hands deep
into my pockets, hoping to conceal their stains. He didn't seem to
notice the filth that I was covered in and he continued, "Very good,
sir. A table is reserved in your name. Would you like to be seated?" I
couldn't believe what I heard! A grin broke out on my face and I said,
"Yes, of course!"
He lead me to a table and, sure enough, there was a placard with my name
written on it in a deep, dark red. As I browsed over a menu, I saw many
delightful items listed. There were things like "peace," "joy,"
"blessings," "confidence," "assurance," "hope," "love," "faith," and
"mercy." I realized that this was no ordinary restaurant! I flipped the
menu back to the front in order to see where I was at... "God's Grace,"
was the name of this place.
The man returned and said, "I recommend the 'Special of the Day'. With
it you are entitled to heaping portions of everything on this menu".
You've got to be kidding! I thought to myself. You mean, I can have ALL
of this! "What is the 'Special of the Day'?" I asked with excitement
ringing in my voice.
"Salvation," was his reply. "I'll take it," I practically cried out.
Then, as quickly as I made that statement, the joy left my body. A sick
painful ache jerked through my stomach and tears filled my eyes. Between
my sobs I said... "Mister, look at me. I'm dirty and nasty. I am unclean
and unworthy of such things. I'd love to have all of this, but, but, I
just can't afford it."
Undaunted, the man smiled again. "Sir, your check has already been
taken care of by that Gentleman over there," he said as he pointed to
the front of the room. "His name is Jesus."
Turning, I saw a man whose very presence seemed to light the room. He
was almost too much to look at. I found myself walking towards Him and
in a shaking voice I whispered, "Sir, I'll wash the dishes or sweep the
floors or take out the trash. I'll do anything I can do to repay You
for all this."
He opened His arms and said with a smile, "Son, all of this is yours if
you just come unto me. Ask me to clean you up and I will. Ask me to
allow you to feast at my table and you will eat. Remember, the table is
reserved in your name. All you must do is accept this gift that I offer
you."
Astonished, I fell at his feet and said, "Please, Jesus. Please clean
up my life. Please change me and sit me at your table and give me this
new life."
Immediately, I heard the words, "It is finished." I looked down and
white robes adorned my squeaky clean body. Some- thing strange and
wonderful had happened. I felt new, like a weight had been lifted and I
found myself seated at His table.
"The 'Special of the Day' has been served," the Lord said to me.
"Salvation is yours." We sat and talked for a great while and I so
enjoyed the time that I spent with Him. He told me, me of all people,
that He would like for me to come back as often as I liked for another
helping from God's Grace. He made it clear that He wanted me to spend
as much time with Him as possible.
As it drew near time for me to go back outside into the "real world,"
He whispered to me softly, "And Lo, I am with you always." And then, He
said something to me that I will never forget. He said... "My child, do
you see these empty tables throughout this room?" "Yes, Lord. I see
them. What do they mean?" I replied. "These are reserved tables...but
the individuals whose names are on each placard have not accepted their
invitation to dine.
Would you be so kind as to hand out these invitations to those who have
not joined us as yet?" Jesus asked. "Of course," I said with excitement
as I picked up the invitations.
"Go ye therefore into all nations," He said as I turned to leave I
walked into God's Grace dirty and hungry. Stained in sin. My
righteousness as filthy rags. And Jesus cleaned me up. I walked out a
brand new man...robed in white, His righteousness. And so, I'll keep my
promise to my Lord. I'll go.
I'll spread the Word. I'll share the Gospel... I'll hand out the
invitations. And I'll start with you.
Have you been to God's Grace? There's a table reserved in your name,
and here's your invitation... "Come as you are. No jacket required."
"For by grace are you saved through faith: and that not of yourselves:
it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast."
Ephesians 2: 8,9
-- Author Unknown
----
...An excellent one! Thank You Viv!
, ,
/////|
///// |
///// |
|~~~| | |
|===| |/|
| B |/| |
| I | | |
| B | | |
| L | /
| E | /
|===|/
jgs '---'
Romans 10:9,10
"9": That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt
believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou
shalt be saved.
...Say out loud Jesus is my Lord and believe without a shadow of a doubt
that God raised Jesus Christ from the dead like the Bible says. That
gets you baptized [Acts 1:5] with the great and wonderful spirit of God
in Christ In You - [Colossians 1:27] - you become a part of God's family
- [John 1:12] - you are born again [John 3:3, 1 Peter 1:23]. Why?
because God set it up so that it is all you need do....
"10": For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the
mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Why? Because Jesus already did the work and paid the price for you :)
***
* //*
//*
** **/| **
************//***********
***********//************
** |/** **
**/| JESUS CHRIST IS OUR ANCHOR!
*//
//*
|/**
**/|
*** *// ***
***** //* *****
******* |/** *******
*************
*******
*
unkown
=======================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From GrassFire: URGENT UPDATE-- Really? Not even at $10 a gallon?
__ _.._
.-'__`-._.'.--.'.__.,
/--' '-._.' '-._./ There Goes The Bacon!
/__.--._.--._.'``-.__/
'._.-'-._.-._.-''-..'
jgs
Republican House members answer Grassfire's call and refuse to go
home until a vote on lifting the drilling ban!
Go here to see shocking protest video from House floor:
http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=9854&RID=14282578
Please forward to your friends and call your Congressman
and Nancy Pelosi and say: "Bring Congress Back for a
real vote on lifting the oil drilling ban and breaking our
foreign energy dependence."
Speaker Pelosi: 202-225-0100; 202-225-4965
Switchboard: 202-224-3121
-<>-
>From CoffeeBreak:
(.,------...__
_.'" `.
.' .' `, `. `. `
. .' .'/''--...__`. \
. .--.`. ' "-. '. |
'' .' _.' .()) .--":/
''( \_\ ' (()(
''._' ( \ '
' `. `--' '
`.: . `-.___.' ' My Parents Suck so
`. . _ _ .'
) .____.-' I dove away from home!
.'`. (--..
.' \ /\ / / `. F A S T!
.' \( \ /|/ `.
.' \__/ `.
/ | o | \
| | |
jro
Boy, 11, arrested after 100 mph chase
An 11-year-old Bakersfield, Calif., boy led police on a
high speed car chase reaching speeds on 100 mph in his
parents' Mercury Sable, police said. Officer Mark Ehly of
the California Highway Patrol said the boy, whose name was
not released, was being held in a juvenile hall on suspicion
of felony evading and being an unlicensed driver, The
(Bakersfield) Californian reported Tuesday. Ehly said the
boy had been upset by something at home prior to his
high-speed joyride. "He didn't want to be home," Ehly
said. He said the young boy had to stand on the floorboards
of the car to reach the pedals and was not wearing a seat
belt.
('(
\ \ " Help !!! Alligator..."
d@b | |
@@@@' |
('( Y@P `--..
\ `--' .' `. I'll Show You a LOG!
`---....__/ | /
/ . \ /^^^^\
/ .'\ \ /^^\________/0 \
\ \ \ \ ( `~+++,,__^^^
-unknown- \ \ \__\ ...V^V^V^V^V^V^\...................
_`--` `--' Allen Mullen
`---'
River log turns out to be alligator
People involved in a volunteer river clean-up effort in
Anderson, Ind., said they were shocked when a log they
attempted to move turned out to be an alligator. The
volunteers said the reptile was surprised, but it was not
aggressive and did not try to attack anyone, WRTV-TV,
Indianapolis, reported Tuesday. County officials turned
the animal over to Ed Roemer, a pet shop owner in Anderson,
Ind., to nurse the alligator back to health. Officials
said burns and marks found on the chin and legs on the
animal indicate it may have been a pet who was confined
and neglected. "He's lucky someone found him because he
wouldn't make it through our winters here," Roemer said.
He said people releasing pet alligators into the wild has
become an increasingly common phenomenon. "It's been
happening more and more. People get them, they don't know
how to take care of them and they just turn them loose,"
he said.
Police: 'Joker' was after Batman film swag
Police in Three Rivers, Mich., said a man dressed as the
Joker from "The Dark Knight" was arrested attempting to
steal memorabilia from a movie theater. Officers said
Spencer Taylor, 20, was in full costume and makeup to
resemble Heath Ledger's character from the film when he
was arrested on felony larceny and malicious destruction
of property charges at the Three Rivers 6 movie theater,
the Kalamazoo (Mich.) Gazette reported Tuesday. Three
Rivers Detective Mike Mohney said Taylor had been trying
to take posters off the theater walls and was attempting
to take other items when he was retrained by staff until
officers arrived.
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Mom's postcards on the way 26 years late --------
ANCHORAGE, Alaska - An Anchorage, Alaska, woman who
received a couple's postcards to their son 26 years after
they were sent said they've been forwarded to the intended
recipient. Teresa Childs said she was contacted by James
Jigliotti, 54, shortly after media reports of the post-
cards, which Olga Jigliotti mailed to her then 29-year-old
son's Anchorage address while she and her husband, John,
visited Italy, the Anchorage Daily News reported. James
Jigliotti, now of Atlanta, said he is more likely to
treasure the items now than when he was supposed to
receive them in March 1982. Olga Jigliotti died March 22,
2007, and John Jigliotti died March 23, 2008. "You can
never have enough of that stuff," James Jigliotti said
Sunday. "It trickles away, more or less."
,-----.
W/,-. ,-.\W
()>a a<()
(.--(_)--.)
,'/.-'\_/`-.\`.
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/ \ / \
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`-)| |// _ \\| )/
|| |' | `|
|| | | |
|| ( )|( )
|| | | |
|| | | |
|| |_.--.|.--._|
|| /'""| |""`\
[] `===' `===' hjw
-- Man, 80, reprimanded for escalator run --------
FARNHAM, England - An 80-year-old former Olympic hurdler
said a Farnham, England, store has threatened to ban him
if he is caught running up a down escalator again. Peter
Hildreth, who represented Britain at the Olympics in 1952,
1956 and 1960, said he used to train for his sport by
running up the wrong escalators, and decided to try out
his old training regime as his 80th birthday approached,
The Daily Mail reported. "I started doing it last month
because I was turning 80. People did not see me do it to
start with, I must have done it three or four times," he
said. Hildreth said he was finally caught by the head of
the women's underwear department at the top of the
escalator and was given a stern talking-to by store
manager Graham Duerden, who said the elderly man was
violating health and safety rules and setting a bad
example for young people. The former athlete said he has
had his fill of his old pastime. "I am not going to do
it anymore," Hildreth said. "My wife will be annoyed
about me doing it, she does not know until now."
==========================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the
file that contained my very extensive medical history.
After he finished all seventeen pages, he looked at me and said,
"You look better in person than you do on paper."
-<>-
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
-Dr. Susan
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your
left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned
and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
-Dr. Matthew
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
-Dr. Rebecca
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
-Dr. Mark
-<>-
\\\\\\
[|--O-O|
| ] |
_ _\ _o_\_
|*/ ## \
|/ | \ \ ________________
/ |____\ _|_| /\ @@@@@@ \
\_______+/ == \ \ @@ -- @@ \
|*|*****/__/ \ \ @@@ > @@ \
|*|********_____ \ \ @@@_\ o/_@@@ \
|**\_________ \ \ \ @@/ __@@@ \
\************|\ | \ \ | \_/ =/ | \
\***********|| | \ \ \ ___/__ / \_
** || | \ \ |\\\\\\\\\\ \_
** \|__|__ \ \_\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \_
************ |#####] \__\_\_ \\\\\\\\\\ \_
/ \_\_ \\\\\\\\\\\ \_
/ \_\_ {_} {_} \
|_________\ \_______________\
\/_______________/
unknown
A woman goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I
can't stop thinking about making love."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and
pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The woman turns the picture upside down then turns it around and
states, "That's a man and a woman making love."
The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next
picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The woman looks and turns it in different directions and says,
"That's a man and a woman making love."
The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the
same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies,
"That's a man and a woman making love."
The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with
that."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me
the same pictures!"
==================================================================
>-->From SermondFodder: Why Go to Church?
_
///-._
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//////////////// . '.'`.
'|`'//////////// . .'.::|`
: `'/////// . '.':|
| . . `'// ' _|- ::|
|. .-._ . | . | .'::
| |:|:| | ' ' '.::|
| |:|:| :. . .'.':|
| . |:|:| . | .._.:::
: `':| | ' ////-:|
|. . | '/////////-._
| . . : .//////////////-._
: : ///////////////////-._
|. |////////////////////////-._
| . . :`'//////////////////////////-._
| . _.-\\\\``'//////////////////////////-._
| /\\\\\\\\..``'//////////////////////////".
: . . /. \\\\\\\\\. .``'///////////////////// .'`.
: / _ \\\\\\\\\. ``'//////////////// . .'`.
| . / (@) \\\\\\\\\. . . ``'/////////// . '.'::|.
{`)._ '| _` .\\\\\\\-`:|#| . . ``'////// '. .'.:|
`-{_/`| ||::. \\'`.:|:.|#| |#| . ``'/ ' .##:':::
`-| ||||| |`.'::|::|#| |#| |#| . . '| . .|##|'.:|
pils | ||||| : .'::|:.'#| |#| |#| |#| | |##|'::|
| ||||| .| .'.:|::.'' '#| |#| |#| . : ' |##|'.:|
{`\:|||| : .'::|:_.:. . '#| |#| | .|##|':::
`-{_/'|_ |_.-'/}_/'-._ '#| :. |##:'.:|
`'{._('}_)-' `-}_}(-._ . . | ' '` .'::|
`-' `-.} /-._ . : .'.'_:-'\
`-}_}(-._ | . _.-')_(-'
`-/_)`-.:.-{ \{-'
`-{_'_)-''
^
"Blessed is the man who listens to me, Watching daily at my gates,
Waiting at my doorposts."(Prov 8:34)
"Why go to church, after all can't we worship God on the golf course
or at home?" "My church is in the park on Sunday morning." "I can
walk down a country lane and worship God, I don't need to go to
church."
What is it about the `body of Christ' gathering that is so special?
Why go to church? I guess as a pastor for many years, I have heard
all the reasons not to go to church. Those who claim to be
worshipping on the golf course are just lying. When I used to play
golf pretty regularly, I never saw anybody praying. (except when they
needed to sink an important putt)
Why go to church? If we examine the New Testament, whenever God did
something special, it was when His people were gathered together.
Jesus promised, "For where two or three have gathered together in My
name, I am there in their midst." (Mat 18:20) Do we really believe
this? Think about the gravity of these words. Jesus is saying,
whenever believers are "gathered" in His name, He is there! Isn't
that reason enough to get together?
If Billy Graham was appearing at our church Sunday, our building
couldn't contain the crowds. Yet, Jesus promised when we gather in
His name, He is present. If that is true why is it we are so bored or
disgruntled when we are in church? Perhaps we are spiritually lazy or
expect nothing. Or perhaps we are demanding that God meets us on our
terms. If we expect nothing we will receive nothing.
Do we expect to encounter Jesus each time we go to church? Of course,
attending church is no guarantee we will encounter God. Many go out
of duty or religious habit. They are faithful to attend, yet leave
the same way they entered. Evangelist, Vance Havner once said, "Many
folk arrive at church at eleven o'clock sharp and leave twelve
o'clock dull." The truth is, no one who has meet Jesus face to face
is the same. There are changed.
The above text speaks of the temple at Jerusalem, for us it is the
place of worship. Notice the text begins with, "Blessed is the man
who…"
If you want to receive a blessing by encountering Jesus each time you
go to church there are three things the text tells us to do. We need
to listen, be watching and waiting. Each takes deliberate
concentration. Listening takes focus.
Since we are easily distracted, we need to be keenly aware that the
devil will attempt to keep us from hearing God's voice. With
anticipation, we listen for God to speak. He may speak in the Bible
study, in the music, the preaching, a song or in a testimony but God
will speak. Since Jesus is there, we need to actively listen.
Watching means we believe that God is going to do something wonderful
in our meeting together.
When Jesus is present we expect Him to do something. With joyful
expectation, we watch. Waiting the hardest. We have become slaves to
clocks. Most of us are not willing to wait for God to move. We race
out the door before God acts. We demand God to move within our time
schedule. Yet, God's Word promises, "Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become
weary." (Isa 40:31) Is it any wonder we have missed a blessing?
This week believers will be meeting in Jesus name. He has promised to
be there. He will be speaking and changing lives. Will you be there?
By Pastor Paul Blizard
Memorial Baptist Church
Beckley, WV
paulblizard@hotmail.com
====================================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
Traveling Light
Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that
departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.
I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not
surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage
and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?"
Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?"
"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries.
-<>-
LAST WISHES....
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd
part of it was that the older three had red
hair, light skin and were tall, while the
youngest son had black hair, dark eyes and
was short.
The father eventually took ill and was
lying on his deathbed when he turned to
his wife and said, "Honey, before I die,
be totally honest with me -- is our
youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything
that is holy that he is your son."
With that the husband passed away. The
wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't
ask about the other three."
-<>-
A man is walking around New York with his wife.
They find a perfume shop, the wife goes in, and
he waits outside. A woman comes along and says
to him, "Like to come home with me, buddy?"
"How much?" asks the man.
"One hundred dollars."
"I'll give you five bucks."
The girl laughs at him and walks away. A little
later, the man's wife comes out of the shop and
they continue their walk.
On the first corner they come to there is the
same woman. She takes one look at the man and
his wife and says, "You see? You see what you get
for five bucks?"
--- RobandMel
-<>-
The Date
Worried that his son was spending too much money
on dates, a Father asked the boy how much his
last date had cost.
The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh,
about $15 or so I think."
"Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for
finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have
done more, but that was all the money she had."
-<>-
IN A DESERTED ISLAND....
An engineer finally splurged on a luxury
cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest"
thing he had ever done in his life. Just as
he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane
roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a
child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately
hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash
ashore on a secluded island.
Aside from beautiful scenery, a spring-fed
pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little
else. He lost all hope and for hours on end,
sat under the same palm tree.
One day, after several months had passed,
a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared.
"I'm from the other side of the island,"
she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?"
"Yes, I was," he answered. "But, where
did you get that rowboat?"
"Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree
branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from
palm branches, and made the keel and stern
from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, what did you use for tools?" asked
the engineer.
"There was a very unusual strata of
alluvial rock exposed on the south side of
the island. I discovered that if I fired it
to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted
into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how
I got the tools. But, enough of that," she
said. "Where have you been living all this
time? I don't see any shelter."
"To be honest, I've just been sleeping
on the beach," the engineer said.
"Would you like to come to my place?"
the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly.
She expertly rowed them around to her
side of the island, and tied up the boat
with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp
topped with a neat back splice. They walked
up a winding stone walk she had laid around
a palm tree.
There stood an exquisite bungalow, painted
in blue and white.
"It's not much, but I call it home."
Inside, she said, "Sit down, please;
would you like to have a drink?"
"No, thanks," said the engineer.
"One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!"
"It won't be coconut juice," the woman
replied. "I have a crude still out back,
so we can have authentic Pina Coladas."
Trying to hide his amazement, the man
accepted the drink, and they sat down on
her couch to talk. After they had exchanged
stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you
always had a beard?"
"No," the engineer replied, "I was clean
shaven all of my life until I ended up on
this island."
"Well if you'd like to shave, there's a
razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."
The man, no longer questioning anything,
went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved
with an intricate bone-and-shell device
honed razor sharp. Next he showered, not
even attempting to fathom a guess as to
how she managed to get warm water into the
bathroom, and went back downstairs. He
couldn't help but admire the masterfully
carved banister as he walked.
"You look great," said the woman. "I
think I'll go up and slip into something
more comfortable."
As she did, the engineer continued to
sip his Pina Colada. After a short time,
the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias,
returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned
out of pounded palm fronds.
"Tell me," she asked, "we've both been
out here for a very long time with no
companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't
you been lonely, too...isn't here something
that you really, really miss? Something that
all men and woman need? Something that would
be really nice to have right now!
"Yes, there is!" the man replied, shucking
off his shyness. "There is something I've
wanted to do for so long. But on this island
all alone, it was just...well, it was
impossible."
"Well, it's not impossible, any more,"
the woman said.
The engineer, practically panting in
excitement, said breathlessly: "You
mean...you actually figured out some way
,.
|`:.
| `:.
m1a | |`.`:;@.
| |;.`.`;|
; `.';| ||
,(`;.`.| ||
/8o (`:. ||
/o8888o `; ||
/@o8888888o (`;|
(`.()oO888888o (<
`.`.;:oO08c{)/ |
`.`.(),0 / /
`.`.`/ /
`.( /
we can CHECK OUR E-MAIL.??"
-<>-
Running Away
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the
child rebelled against his father. He got some
of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank
and proudly announced, "I'm running away from
home!"
The father calmly decided to look at the matter
logically. "What if you get hungry?," he said.
"Then I'll come home and eat!," bravely declared
the child.
"And what if you run out of money?"
"I will come home and get some!," readily replied
the child.
The man then made a final attempt, "What if your
clothes get dirty?"
"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them,"
was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid
is not running away from home; he's going off to
college."
-<>-
>It's PUNNY... Back in 2003!
>>>>>\|/<<<<<
>>>\\\\\v/////<<<
>>>\\\\\vvv/////<<<
>>>(vvvvvvvvv)<<<
>>>>) (.)_(.) (<<<<
>>>/ (_) \<<<
>( (._ _.) )<
\ `---' /
"'--._.--'"
.--.____| u |____.--.
/___| |__\___/__| |___\
|___|_|_________|_|___|
|___[_]_________[_]___|
|___| |_________| |___|
|___| ========= |___|
|___| |-------| |___|
|___| | | |___|
|___| \_____/ |___|
.-|.__/ \__.|-.
\ [ctr] /
) ____/ \____ (
\ /
\ \ \ v / / /
\ ' | ' /
\ | /
) | (
| | |"""| |
| | |:::| |
| | |:::| |
| | '"""' |
|---. | |
|,,,| | |
|___| | |
| | |
|_______|_______|
.---._ |==| |==| _.---.
( '----\\__|==|_ _|==|__//----' )
\ '==' ) ( '==' /
'-._ _ | | _ _.-'
'"""""""' '""""' '""""' '"""""""'
“My son’s a naval doctor”
“My, they have specialists for everything
nowadays.” (Stan Kegel)
As the Queen told Prince Valiant, “__Naval,__ not
tonight! I’ve got a headache!” (Douglas Drill)
Ballroom dancing is sometimes termed a naval
engagement (John S. Crosbie)
--- Stan Kegel
A new year approaches. Analysts are predicting a
booming economy in 2003. And that’s just in
Baghdad. (Alan Ray)
On O. J. Simpson’s visit to the U. S. C. football
team practice Monday:“How creepy is that?
He gave the team a pep talk. “Go out and kill
them, but don’t get caught!” In fact, today,
Robert Blake stopped by the U.S.C. practice to
talk about the shotgun offense. (Jay Leno)
Hillary Clinton gave the Democratic Party weekly
radio address Saturday.
She once gave a radio address on the importance
of mammograms back when she was first lady.
Breast examinations were a recurring theme during
the Clinton Administration. (Argus Hamilton)
A Delta Airlines pilot failed a breathalyzer test
in Norfolk. Where can you find this captain in
the air? He usually flies the red eyes. (Alan
Ray)
Clonaid claimed last week they just cloned a
human being for the first time in history.
Reaction was swift. The pope denounced cloning,
President Bush vowed to outlaw cloning and George
Steinbrenner offered the Boston Red Sox $10
million for the rights to Ted Williams in the
re-entry draft. (Argus Hamilton)
O. J. Simpson can get more ladies than you can
ever dream of. He’s a real lady killer.
(T. J. Simers)
-<>-
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
>Thanks To All The Veterans!!!
As some may or may not know Toni is quite the
song writer. A couple of days ago she handed me
this song and asked what I thought if it.
After reading the words I was choked up and Told
her that in light of the world situation the
words had to be shared.
This song is for all the soldiers thru history
that walked away from family knowing there was a
chance they would never see them again. All in
the name of freedom and the greatest country on
earth.
It is also specialy dedicated to all the loved
ones that watched their soldiers walk away, the
wifes, mothers, fathers and children who waited
day by day praying for thier safe return.
It is not said enough. THANK YOU for the hardship
YOU delt with so that my children can grow up free.
Not GOODBYE
He turned around to take one last look
Of everything he leaves behind.
He could read your face just like an open book,
As love, fear, and sadness filled your eyes.
If there was any other way
He wouldn't be standing here today.
Across the ocean in a foreign land
Lies a country in great unrest;
And due to actions of a single man
He's called upon to do his best.
If there were any other way
He'd be home with you today.
But he's not letting you go, he's not saying goodbye
But he needs for you to understand
Because he believes, he must fight
For you and all Americans.
I thought you'd like to have the picture that she drew
Today we dropped in the mail.
She sends an angel over you
She knows more than she can tell.
But if there was any other way
She'd have you home with her today.
So every night when she goes to bed
She says her prayers before she sleeps.
And every time the same words are said;
"Please bring Daddy home to me.
And if there's any possible way,
Can you bring him home and home to stay?"
But she's not letting you go, she's not saying goodbye
And she wants you to know she understands;
She proud that you believe and proud that you fight
For her and all Americans.
She's proud that you believe enough to fight
For her and all Americans.
Written by Toni Sprenkle
Copywrite Nov. 18 2003
============================================================
>-->FUN PLACES TO NET VISIT :)
Word/Phrase Origins
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html
Believe In Your Dreams
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/dream.html
Volvo Lego Car
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legocar.html
Alley Cats
http://alleycatphotos.com/book.htm
Gospel Guitar Music
http://gospelmusic.org.uk/index.html
80's Music Videos
http://www.milinkito.com/los80.php
Government Senior Health
http://nihseniorhealth.gov/
-<>-
>From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
This is a group of people who decided to do something incredibly
creative at their church, and they have on white gloves and are
performing in front of a black light ... enjoy! Turn your sound on
before clicking the link
http://www.mychurch.org/blog/30635
---
...That reminded me of the song - a bit changed -
"My Church - is a very very fine church
with people helping grand
with their very own two hands
Yes, My church - is a very very fine church..."
Train Ride of Life
http://pixiesplace.com/trainride/
Here's a number worth putting in your cell phone.
This is an awesome service from Google and its free...
great when you are on the road. Watch this clip!!
http://www.google.com/goog411/
---
...Great links - I loved them! Thanks Jo Ann!!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn Links:
Kidnap
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72234.htm
Kitchen Oil Fire
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72235.htm
Delivery
http://www.buffaloschips.com/61601.htm
Global Warming
http://www.buffaloschips.com/61602.htm
Good Morning
http://buffalosjokes.com/11158.htm
Cubs
http://buffalosjokes.com/11157.htm
Sunset
http://buffalosjokes.com/11156.htm
Now we know what they do all day!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny395.html
Island Transport Infrastructure...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/018.htm
Over Dose
http://buffalosjokes.com/11161.htm
naught or nice
http://buffalosjokes.com/11160.htm
Mother Duck
http://buffalosjokes.com/11159.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
===============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"There's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for Walter
O'Malley. There's nothing he wouldn't do for me. That's
the way it is - we go through life doing nothing for each
other." --Gene Autry
"Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible,
and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
-Francis of Assisi
"It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he'd
already been dead for a year." -Tom Lehrer
"During a recent concert, British pop star George Michael
said that Barack Obama should pick Hillary Clinton as
his vice president. George Michael says he's been a huge
Hillary fan ever since she started copying his Wham!
haircut."
- Conan O'Brien
"Matt Damon announced that his wife is going to have a
baby. I thought Ben Affleck was looking a little bigger."
- Craig Ferguson
"To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep."
- Joan Klempner
"If you ever see a sign that says "Yard Sale," just keep on driving.
They usually only have one yard for sale, and even then, it's covered
with a bunch of junk!"
- Frank Weisbly
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :)Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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