Jungle Happy Hour And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ ,-,--. __| //``-, \ \_`\ )\a-a-? \ \ \_`(_=_/_-`__ \__, , \| | _ _,' ___7 ) | (_)(_`__(_,---' | ( _( ) | / /_| |________| __/__/__|__|_________) _________(__,_|)/ (__)|/____\(_______________ mic *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) .-..-. (-o/\o-) /`""``""`\ \ /.__.\ / \ `--` / `) (' , /::::\ , |'.\::::/.'| _| ';::;' |_ (::) || (::) _. "| || |" _(:) '. || .' /::\ '._||_.' \::/ /::::\ /:::\ \::::/ _\:::/ /::::\_.._ _.._ _.._ _.._/::::\ \::::/::::\/::::\/::::\/::::\::::/ jgs `""`\::::/\::::/\::::/\::::/`""` `""` `""` `""` `""` Tell me a story, Tell me a story, - OK! Today we have two sweet heartwarming stories for you... This first story is from our friend PatDeE. So sweet! It shows that we still value life - even if it isn't required of us to do so. Check this one out and be sure to watch the video: ,/ \. |( )| \`-._:,\ /.;_,-'/ `.\_`\')(`/'_/,' )/`.,'\( |. ,| :6) (6; \`\ _(\ \._'; `.___...---..________...------._ \ | ,' . . . . .`:. \`.' . . . . . . . \\ `. . . \ . . ..::: . :: \ . . . ..::::::::'' ': . || \ `. :. .:' \ '. . ;; `._ \ ::: ; _,\ :. |/( `.`::: /--....---''' \ `. :. :`\` | |:': \ `. :.\ | |' ; \ (\ .\ | |.: \ \`. : |.| | ) / :.| | |.| /./ | | |.| | / / | | | | | /./ |.| ;_;_; ,'_/ ;_| '-/_( '--' /,' SSt Fawn Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fawnrescue.html --- ...Awww, gave me shivers on their reunion! Thank You PatDeE! This next hot story is from our friend Linda. An awesome story about a deep bond with an eagle. It is like God meant them to be there to help each other. Again, you will need to watch the video for the complete inspirational story. / \ / / \\\' , / // \\\//, _/ //, \_-//' / //<, \ /// > \\\`__/_ /,)-^>> _\` \\\ (/ \\ //\\ // _//\\\\ ((` (( from the .sig of Laer Haider Eagle Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html --- ...Aww, I wanted a kleenex for this one! Thank You Linda! ================================================================ >-->From TheFunnyBone: Of Historical Interest 1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes; when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight" came from. ()___ 2. Nutmeg is extremely ()//__/)_________________() poisonous if injected ||(___)//#/_/#/_/#/_/#()/|| intravenously. ||----|#| |#|_|#|_|#|_|| || ||____|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|#||/|| 3. Only one person in two jgs || |#|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|| billion will live to be 116 or older. 4. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the alphabet (developed by Western Union to test telex/twx communications) .-----------. 5. The only 15-letter word that can be ___ | | spelled without repeating a letter /_._`.__| |_ is "uncopyrightable". `(|_|_m_______m_|_|) |_______________| 6. Thirty-five percent of the people who /o o o o o o o o\ use personal ads for dating are already /o o o o o o o o o\ married. ;[]o o o o o o o o[]; jgs | -============- | 7. When opossums are playing "possum," '------------------' they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror. 8. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks more than an inch every year because, when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. _ \`\ 9. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived |= | from an old English law that stated /- ;.---. that you couldn't beat your wife with _ __.' (____) anything wider than your thumb. ` (_____) _' ._ .' (____) 10. The term "the whole 9 yards" came from ` (___) WW2 fighter pilots in the Pacific. jgs --`'------'` When arming their airplanes on the ground, the 50-caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards." 11. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. _.-~~-. .' '-. 12. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation /_/ -. `> used in the Army for "General Purpose" {__}\ -.~` / vehicle, GP. || '-. /.-' || ||| 13. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, "`""||"`"`|||""`""`"` moves only six inches for each gallon || __|||_ of diesel that it burns. _||_ /||\ jgs `""""` 14. No NFL team that plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Super Bowl. 15. The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver." 16. In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice .- without a hunting license. ( \ 17. There are an average .-. .-. | of 18 sesame seeds (-. \/.- ) _..---"""""-. / on a McDonald's '. ` '--' `\__.: Big Mac bun. /dd / / /--' '-.| _.; \ ( 18. The world's ter- -' `--`-.)\ |-..____.-;-. > mites outweigh the / / / `--' .' / world's humans 10 to 1. .'.'_/ jgs `--' `` `` 19. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. 20. When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year. 21. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka. 22. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined. _ (.".) _ 23. It takes 3,000 cows to supply '-'/. .\'-' the NFL with enough leather /_ _\ _...._ for a year's supply of foot- (` o o `)---` .::'. balls. jgs /"---"` .::' ' \ |: .::. / .::;| 24. On average, 100 people choke |' ::' .:| ':|| to death on ball-point pens \\ \ \ '\ /\\ every year. \`;-'| |-.-'-, \ |) ( | ( | `-uu ( | 25. It was the accepted practice || || || || in Babylon 4000 years ago /_( /_( /_(/_( that, for one month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon." 26. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's." 27. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle," is the phrase inspired by this practice. ================================================================ *---------- More Bizarre August Holidays ----------* August 11 is Presidential Joke Day [was Obama giving another one of his speeches?] August 12 is Middle Child's Day August 13 is Blame Someone Else Day [Must have been Obama blaming Bush Again?] August 14 is National Creamsicle Day August 15 is National Relaxation Day & National Failures Day August 16 is Bratwurst Festival August 17 is National Thriftshop Day August 18 is Bad Poetry Day August 19 is Potato Day August 20 is National Radio Day ============================================================ >-->From ArcaMaxJokes: __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >Burglar Notes The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations: "Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!" "Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please besure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. Any sign of that book we sent for, 'The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats'?" "Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again." "Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!" "To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck. -<>- >Different Types A Canadian, a Russian and an American all wanted to show off to each other so they each bought a new toilet. The Russian bought a wooden toilet, the Canadian bought a marble toilet, and the American bought a musical toilet. The next day, the Canadian came back to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I use the toilet, I slip off of it." The day after that, the Russian came to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit on the toilet I get splinters in my bottom." The next day, the American came and said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit down, I hear my national anthem and I have to stand up." -<>- >Actual Letters to Dear Abby Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause. Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his. Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him. Dear Abby, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again. -<>- >Last Wishes Three citizens of the former Soviet Eastern Bloc - a Pole, a Czech, and a Jew - were accused of spying and were sentenced to death. Each man was granted one last wish. "I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Pilsudski," said the Pole. "I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Masaryk," said the Czech. "And I," said the Jew, "want my ashes scattered over the grave of Comrade Kosygin." "But that's impossible," he was told. "Kosygin isn't dead yet." "Fine," said the Jew. "I can wait." -<>- _|_ | .-'''''-. .-' '-. .-' :::::_::::: '-. ___/ ==:...:::-:::...:== \___ /_____________________________\ ':'-._________________________.-'_ ':::\ @-,`-[-][-^-][-]-`,-@ / _| |_ '::| .-------------------. ||_ @ _| ::|=|* ___ _ ___ *|=|'.| | ':| |' ))_) )) ))_) '| |::.^| _:|=|' ((`\ (( (( '|=|::::::. _| || |' _ '| |:::::::. |_ |=|'1634 _( )_ 1789'|=|':::::. | || |' ( (_ ~ _) ) '| | ':::' |^||=|* ) (_) ( *|=| '::' | '-------------------' .::::' |_____________________.::::::' .'___________________.::::::'' |_______________.::::'':::''' .'_____________.::::::''::::'' .:::'''' LGB .'::::' .:::::''':. .:::::' >One For You, One For Me On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shooo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is." But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy. -<>- >Very Weak One weekend, a man decided to call his mother in Florida because it had been quite some time since they had chatted. The man asked his mother, "How are you doing?" She said, "Not to good. I' have been very weak." The son then asked, "Mom, why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son then asked, "How come you haven't eaten in 38 days?" His mother replied, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food when you called." -<>- >Space Saver A friend of mine had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they would take up less room. -<>- >Piano Playing Dog A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender said, "Get out of here with that dog." The guy said, "But this isn't just any dog. This dog can play the piano." The bartender replied, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay and have a drink on the house." So the guy sat the dog on the piano stool, and the dog started playing. Ragtime, Mozart, Philip Glass ... and the bartender and all of the patrons enjoyed the music. Suddenly a bigger dog ran in, grabbed the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and dragged him out. The bartender asked the guy, "What the heck was that all about?" The guy replied, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor." ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) >For you all my dearests A letter has been sent from a husband: ,,-,-.,-. ,-. ,,-. ,-,-. ,-.-. ,-.. ,-. ,-.,-.-.. (( ( ( ( '( ' ( ' ) ' )' ) ) ) )) \\ \ \ \ \ ,\ /. / / / / // \\ \ /\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /\ / // gpyy'' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' Dear Sweetheart: I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, your husband. His wife replied back after some days to her husband: Dearest sweetheart, ,,-,-.,-. ,-. ,,-. ,-,-. ,-.-. ,-.. ,-. ,-.,-.-.. (( ( ( ( '( ' ( ' ) ' )' ) ) ) )) \\ \ \ \ \ ,\ /. / / / / // \\ \ /\ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /\ / // gpyy'' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details. 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk. 2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses. 3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent. 4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items. 5. Other expenses 40 kisses Please don’t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope that I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, please advise. ) ( ( ( ) ) " ( ) " | | | (( )) | )) )) ) // )) ( ) / / ( ( ( | .( \ \ ( ( ( ) ) ) )) ( ( ) '.' '. " .' / ( \ ) \ .' '._.' '._ ) ) : '' _.oooooo._ _.oooooo._ '' / ) .odOOOOOOOObo.odOOOOOOOObo. | / dOOOY dOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOb ( OOOY dOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO \ dOOY dOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOb OOO dOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOOb OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY YOObdOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOxXY "YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOxXY" "YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAoS" YOOOOOOOOOOOOOxXXXY "YOOOOOOOOOxXXXY" AoS "YOOOXXXXY" ""Y"" Your Sweet Heart. --- ...Oh No! TeeHee! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) _..---...,""-._ ,/}/) .'' , ``..'(/-< / _ { ) \ ; _ `. `. < a( ,' ( \ ) `. \ __.._ .: y ( <\_-) )'-.____...\ `._ //-' `. `-' /-._))) `-._))) `...' hjw >The Old Cat on the Window Ledge I can still see the old cat just sitting there On that window ledge up so high He just sits there All alone now Patiently waiting for his Lady to return His Lady He alone was hers for Years They had lived in the old house together Just she and her beloved friend Her Cat For many years their love had kept them together One day there were red flashing lights Loud scary sirens screaming out Scaring the cat until out the window he jumped Running in terror Under the bushes he hid At last total silence reigned once more Slowly he made his way back to the window ledge Leaping through the open window and into the room Somehow it felt so quiet and lonely for she was no longer there His meow's could be heard as he searched each room Ever looking for his Lady The one that he loved He couldn't know she would never come back Her life had ended and now He was alone He moved through the rooms always searching Never finding her He stops Suddenly feeling so alone He was just an old cat with nobody to share his love now Was his lonely life meant to just go on and on all alone He jumped up once more on that lonely window ledge He tried so hard to get inside once again To see if his Lady had returned for him The window now tightly shut he knew he really was all alone There was nobody to care for the old cat now He had been left all on his own with no one to call his own You could hear his pitiful meows as he laid there On that window ledge long day after day So all alone He no longer had the will to go on any longer He was so tired So sad and so alone Life no longer had any meaning for him As All alone He sat there on that window ledge He slowly laid down on the window ledge With a deep sadness you could plainly see He no longer had the desire to go on His Lady, Who had loved him so much, Was gone now Days later some children were playing in the back field They kicked their ball and into the old lady's yard it went They knew she had died some time ago So they went running after their ball Running up to the house to retrieve their ball They seen an old cat lying on the window ledge All curled up like it was taking a nap in the afternoon sun But now so quiet not even their childish yells awakened it The old cat had died there on that lonely window ledge As he waited for the return of His Friend His Lady Now he was with her once more lying at peace in her arms A gentle purr was heard He had made it Home His Lady still loved him and had missed him so much She cradled him close in her arms loving him once more They would be together forever in this beautiful new land Their love would live on and on Never to die again He was home with his Lady once more No more weary, lonely roads to travel All Alolne He felt so safe and secure in her loving arms No longer a lonely cat on a window ledge He was safely HOME AT LAST! Phyllis Smith (Bunni) Copyright August, 2010 All Rights Reserved --- ...Aww, a sad tale. Thanks Bunni! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) è una cosa davvero incredibi le:ho usato tutto il fasc ino non indiffe rente di cui disp ongo; le ho portato fiori senza risparmia re denari - tecnica che ha sempre effetto sui cuo ri delle fanciulle. ho fa tto tutto ciò che potevo e di solito ciò funzion a. ma giunti al dunqu e mi ha r i s posto... >T H E I T A L I A N E L B O W An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301 There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow , pusha button 301. I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow , pusha 3. When you get out, I ' mma on the left. With you elbow , hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ........ "What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?" --- ...Aww, I luva dis one! Thanks PatDeE! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From Our Friend Linda :) Turn your SOUND UP! It's good to see the entertainment industry pitching in. It gets to people who don't like politics, don't read newspapers, or watch TV news. Keep it up and more and more voters will get the message. It can't be too soon. Johnny Cashless http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8n8K5b3gFvI --- ...HaHa! Full of Smiles! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From The TeaParty Events, News Updates & Rants http://tinyurl.com/4ysm2bp -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: Central Planners Target Your Cars http://tinyurl.com/3njw9qd -<>- >From VisionToAmerica: Perry Talks Like Bush, Could Win Like Reagan http://tinyurl.com/3lml6xk -<>- >From Grassfire: The developers behind the Ground Zero Mosque have re-emerged with a new plan to build a mosque in the same location that caused such an uproar last year. And now they are using the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 to promote a major fundraising goal of the campaign. According to a New York City news outlet, Mosque organizers seek to raise $7 million by September 10, which of course coincides with the 9/11 anniversary. Ground Zero Mosque organizers are also trying to re-sell their mosque in kinder, gentler language. But the facts remain the same: millions of dollars are about to be pumped into a major Muslim center and now organizers are using the 9/11 tragedy to promote their efforts. + + Stand Against The Ground Zero Mosque Grassfire Nation and the Patriot Action Network are taking part in a major rally in New York City on 9/11 to honor those who have fallen and oppose this new version of the Ground Zero Mosque. Two specific ways you can help. First, if you haven't done so already, please sign our petition opposing the Ground Zero Mosque. These petitions will be delivered to New York City leaders on Friday, September 9, and presented by our staff during the 9/11 rally as a show of nationwide opposition to the Ground Zero Mosque. Go here to sign: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=48376&RID=31986944 Second action... We want to give our 9/11 Remembrance lapel pin to the thousands of first responders and family members of victims as a special gift from fellow Americans. Thousands of family members and first responders are expected to be in attendance at the 9/11 events. What a great way to show the family members and first responders that fellow Americans share in their sorrow and sacrifice. But to do so, I need your help. In order to have the pins ready for 9/11, we must place our order for 9/11 Remembrance Pins by this weekend. Will you sponsor a 9/11 family member or first responder to receive as a special gift from fellow Americans our 9/11 Remembrance pin? Please go here to help: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?U=48370&CID=136&RID=31986944 I'm hoping that hundreds or even thousands of Grassfire Nation team members will step forward and sponsor at least one person to receive the Remembrance Pin as a gift. We believe this is a fitting way to honor the sacrifice of those who have fallen and the service of the heroic first responders. Thanks for your consideration, Steve Elliott Grassfire Nation -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is now yet another reason to be afraid of New Jersey. Some searchers for the mythical Sasquatch in New Jersey say there is a mysterious man-ape type of creature dubbed Big Red Eye for his glowing eyes. Local experts said the legend of Big Red Eye began three decades ago with an incident involving the deaths of multiple rabbits, which police blamed on a bear, but some regional newspapers promoted as a monster mystery. Believers said the fact that the monster has evaded hunters and photographers for years does not mean he is not still out there stalking the woods. However it does provide evidence that the creature is probably not 'Snooki' from Jersey Shore. "Maybe we don't know everything," says Mike Aragona, 44, a member of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization. "We have all this technology. We put a man on the moon. We have satellites. We have all these different things, but here's a creature that could be living right under our noses that has mastered something we have long lost: how to survive in the woods." Retired ranger Tom Card, 56, said he encountered Big Red Eye at High Point State Park during the 1970s. "I've spent my whole life in the woods and I've never heard anything like it," he said. "When I first heard it, I thought it was a siren in the distance. I was like, 'This isn't good.'" Of course, if you were living in New Jersey you probably wouldn't be very happy about it either. *-- 49 carrots dance for marriage proposal --* QINGDAO, China - A Chinese man surprised his girlfriend by proposing marriage after he and 48 friends performed a dance routine while dressed as giant carrots. Pan Kun recruited friends to join him Saturday for the dance in the city of Qingdao's Aofan Square and his girlfriend, Zhang Xinyu, initially thought she was only a spectator and called her boyfriend to tell him about the spectacle, the Wall Street Journal's China Real Time blog reported Wednesday. However, Pan unveiled himself after the dance, to the theme song of Jiangsu TV dating show "If You Are the One," and asked Zhang to be his wife. Zhang accepted the proposal while a crowd cheered for her to "Marry him!" The blog said local media reports indicate the stunt cost Pan $15,600. *-- 8-foot pot plant in blind woman's yard --* ROCK HILL, S.C. - While searching for two suspects, detectives in South Carolina discovered an 8-foot tall marijuana plant growing in a blind woman's yard, police said. Sheriffs came across the plant growing near a shed in the 57-year-old homeowner's yard while tracking down suspects in an unrelated case Monday in Rock Hill, S.C., WBTV, Charlotte, reported. The woman told police officers she is legally blind and was unaware of the plant in the yard. She said her boyfriend, Daniel Matthew Ashworth, 48, did all of the landscaping in her yard. When police caught up with Ashworth, he admitted to them that he was growing the plant, saying that he was "just experimenting with growing it." He also told police that he didn't use marijuana. Police were granted permission to search the blind woman's home, and found no other drugs there. The 8-foot plant was taken in as evidence. Ashworth was arrested and charged with producing marijuana. *-- Lightning strikes man, passes to sink --* BARROWFORD, England - A British man who was struck by lightning said he credits a chance encounter with a metal sink with saving his life. Kevin Holden, 61, of Barrowford, England, said he went outside in the rain to retrieve his golf umbrella and a blue flash threw him about 4 feet into the air while he was re-entering the house, The Sun reported Monday. Holden said he grabbed a stainless steel sink to steady himself and saw an arc of electricity shoot from his thumb to the basin. "It was a brilliant flash of light. I could only think that I had been struck by lightning," Holden said. "I was lucky. I had a pair of trainers on but if I had bare feet it could have been very different. "When paramedics came they were looking for an entry point and an exit wound but they said the lightning must have passed around my body. It must have traveled to earth down the sink," he said. "I was lucky. I felt like I had hangover, my head was ringing." *-- Woman sees Jesus in tie-dye shirt --* INDIANAPOLIS - An Indianapolis woman said she was "shocked at what I saw" when an image resembling Jesus Christ appeared on a shirt she tie-dyed. Carylin Landers, who said she has been tie-dying as a hobby for about three years, said after her discovery she accidentally dropped the part of the shirt with the Jesus image in a dark navy dye while coloring another part of the shirt and feared she'd covered the image, WRTV, Indianapolis, reported Monday. "I rinsed it when it was done, only to see that the second color didn't touch the face. It only outlined it more," she said. Landers said many people have agreed with her that the image looks like Jesus. "I'm not even a religious person," Landers said. "I was shocked at what I saw." *-- Family finds intruder in shower --* HISINGEN, Sweden - Police in Sweden said a family awoke to the sound of someone taking a long shower and discovered an uninvited guest. Stefan Gustafsson, a police spokesman, said the Hisingen family did not initially think anything was awry when they heard the shower running Sunday morning, but soon discovered it had been running for hours and all family members were accounted for, The Local reported Monday. Gustafsson said the family discovered a man in the shower stall who was fully clothed except for his shoes. He told the family he "needed to wake up," the spokesman said. Officers escorted the man out of the house. Police said he was unable to explain how he got in, and the family decided not to press charges. Gustafsson said the man "was mostly likely under the influence of something. But he wasn't threatening or unpleasant in any way, almost the opposite." *-- Man drives with nearly $5K on top of car --* ALBUQUERQUE - An Albuquerque man said he was in a hurry to leave his home and drove off with a bank-bag filled with nearly $5,000 on the roof of his car. The man, who asked to be identified only as Jason, said he left home with the gray bank-bag on top of his car Friday and it was gone by the time he reached the bank, KRQE-TV, Albuquerque, reported Monday. "Bonehead move of the year. I was loading my children in the car and I put the money on the roof and drove off with it," Jason said. "Part of it was for mortgage, but the rest we're kind of doing a remodel on the house." Jason said he retraced his route but was unable to find any sign of the bag. "Maybe the right person will find it and know that times are tough and that someone needs this," he said. ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Del :) ... /` `\ / \ |\~~~~~~~/| | \=====/ | | /`...'\ | |/_______\|ldb >Best Layoff Letter... Dear Employees: As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go. So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change......I gave it to them. I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic. --- ...HaHa! a Great Classic! Thanks Del! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) _ .----------/ |<=== floppy disk / | | / /| | _________ / / | | | .-----. | /___________/ /| | |=| |-| [____________]/ | | |~|_____|~| | ___ | | | '-| |-' | / _) | | | |.....| function ======>|.' | | | | |<=== application key | | | | input |.....| software | | | | `--._| main =>| | | | | storage | | | ;______|_________________ | | |.' ____\|/_______________ `. | | /| (______________________) )<== user |____________|/ \___________________________/ interface '--||----: `'''''.__ | || jgs `""";"""-.'-._ <== normal flow | central || | `-. `'._of operation /<== processing || || | `\ '-. / unit surge ().-. | | : /` control ==>(_((X)) | .-. : <======= output device '-' \ | \ ; |________ || `\ \|/ '-..-' / /_\ /| || /`-.____ | / / || / _ /_____________|_ / /_ || peripherals ==>/_\___________________/_\__/ /~ )__ || (hardware) |____________________________|/ ~ ) || (__~ ~ ~(~~` || overflow (input/output error) ===> (_~_ ~ ~_ `) .-''-. `--~-' '` /______\ _________ [____] <=== de-bugging tool _|`---------`| (C| | back-up ===> \ / |\\\ ///| `=========` | \\V// | | |~| | | |=| | <=== supplemental data | | | | | | | | (()____ \ |=| / mouse ===> (' `\_______, \|_|/ `,,---,,' >Women's Restrooms!!! [in case you men don't know why...] This is really gooood!! A great laugh..can't leave home without tissue!!!! For tears or butt... Ain't this the truth.!!! When you visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn , you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.' In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.' To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail . Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.' By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.' As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?' This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? You've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door! --- ...LOL! FUNNY Classic One! Thanks Linda! -<>- __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >Bank Robber A hooded robber burst into a Wisconsin bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Wisconsin customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face. The robber shot the customer without a moments hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?" There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly to afraid to speak Then, one old Norwegian named Ole from Wisconsin tentatively raised his hand and said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you." --- ...HaHa! Thanks Linda! -<>- _.--'''-._ .-'.' `. / / \ /.-'`. ' \ '/ `. ; ( | .-. \ ` ; }) (}\ `-._\ : // . )) '. ; |` ' *', . /_\ / ,' \./ ' (: . ha/VK `-.___.--' /-.-' ) | .----'`-.___.-'`----. >Lipstick in Catholic School According to a news report, a certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal, Sister Paschal, decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Paschal asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers.... and then there are educators ! --- ...TeeHee! Perfect! Thanks Linda! -<>- ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | | |\ x /| | | |/\ x /\| | | | \x/ | | | | V | | /____\ /____\ | | | | / \ / \ | | | | `~~| |~~' |\ /| | \ / | |___V___| | / \ | | / \ | |/ \| / \ / \ ______/ \_______ ============================ Alyssa >HOT WAX IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!!!!!!! All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (Ya think!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees (cold wax, yeah,right).. I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin tight and pull. It works! Okay, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-Rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my 'hoo-hoo' and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.....RRRRIIIIIPPPPP!!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!! Everything is whirling and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breath, breathe...okay, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... Remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. 'Hoo hoo'?? sealed shut! Butt?? sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, 'please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the water should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement epoxied myself to the porcelain!!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-hoo are glued together to the bottom of the tub!!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'are we talking cheeks or hoo-hoo?' She laughing out loud by now...I can hear her as I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH RIGHT!!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to loose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOSH!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!!! It works!!! I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up.I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!!! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color.. --- ...Oh My Goodness! LOL! Thanks Linda! -<>- THE ELEPHANT The elephant's got ___.---.___ a long trunk, he uses to .' ( ) '. get a drink. I can think ) /)' '( ) of one more use for it. ',_( ';-;'\_,' To check his |-| /(feet)\ (") (( don't)) stink !Well I had a go! PjP Phil >Happy Hour in Africa READ THIS FIRST: Watch the elephants knock the fruit out of the tree and all the animals eat it off the ground. This is a real video from a French documentary about Africa . You may not understand French, but the video is funny. There are trees that grow in Africa which, once a year, produce very juicy fruit that contain a high percentage of alcohol. The tree is known as the "Elephant Tree," because elephants have a fondness for the fruit. Because there is a shortage of water in that area, as soon as the fruits are ripe, animals come there to help relieve themselves of the heat. You will easily know who had over-indulged...on purpose or not! PS. The tree is the Marula tree. You can buy a great liqueur named "Amarula," which is made with the fruit and cream. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erPdVtCHEe4 --- ...LMAO - This is too funny! Thanks Linda! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: === === === === ___===____________oooo___________oooo____________===___ |___===___________________________________________===___| === | /O O\ | === dwb || || jrb === || || === ( | _ | ) || ( ) || _ || _/_-_\_ || \ ooooO /___|___\ Ooooo == ((( )|____^____|( ))) / \ (|)MMMMM| |#####(|) |MILK| (_)MMMM/ \####(_) |____| ---------------------------------------------------------------------- __ ____ ___ __ ___ ___ ( )(_ _) ( \ / \( _)/ __) )( )( ) ) )( () )) _)\__ \ (__) (__) (___/ \__/(___)(___/ ____ _ _ ___ ___ __ ___ _ _ __ __ __ ___ _ (_ _)( )( )( _) ( ,) / \( \( \/ ) / _) / \ / \( \ / \ )( )__( ) _) ) ,\( () )) ) )\ / ( (/\( () )( () )) ) )\_/ (__) (_)(_)(___) (___/ \__/(___/(__/ \__/ \__/ \__/(___/ (_) In a grocery store a cashier held up a small dairy carton and yelled to a co-worker, "How much is half-and-half?" Without a moment's hesitation the other cashier replied, "One." -<>- In honor of Memorial Day, the teacher I worked with read the Constitution to her third-grade class. After reading "We the people," she paused to ask the children what they thought that meant. One boy raised his hand and asked, "Is that like 'We da bomb?'" -<>- While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide: "So, what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One." -<>- As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!" -<>- My 7-year-old daughter came home from school one day, held up her middle finger, and asked me what it meant. I was so shocked that I could say only, "Shame on you," followed by, "If anyone does that to you, just say, "Shame on you" to that person. Next week we were at the dinner table when my husband let out a huge belch. I reprimanded him by saying, "Shame on you." Imagine my husband's shock when my daughter held up her middle finger, showed it to him, and exclaimed, "Mom, you forgot to give Daddy the 'shame on you' sign." -<>- A New York retail clerk was suffering from aching feet. "It's all those years of standing," his doctor declared. "You need a vacation. Go to Miami, soak your feet in the ocean and you'll feel better." When the man got to Florida, he went into a hardware store, bought two large buckets and headed for the beach. "How much for two buckets of that seawater?" he asked the lifeguard. "A dollar a bucket," the fellow replied with a straight face. The clerk paid him, filled his buckets, went to his hotel room and soaked his feet. They felt so much better he decided to repeat the treatment that afternoon. Again he handed the lifeguard two dollars. The young man took the money and said, "Help yourself." The clerk started for the water, then stopped in amazement. The tide was out. "Wow," he said, turning to the lifeguard. "Some business you got here!" -<>- A young man I know, who recently became law clerk to a prominent New Jersey judge, was asked to prepare a suggested opinion in an important case. After working on the assignment for some time, he proudly handed in a 23-page document. When he got it back, he found a terse comment in the judge's handwriting on page 7: "Stop romancing and propose already." -<>- . __ __ |--| |--| .._ o' o' (()))) _ o' o' //\\\ | __ )) _ _)) ,' ; | __ ((-.-\) o' |--| ,;::::;. (C ) / /^ o' |--| _))'='(\-. o' o' ,:;;;;;::. )\ -'( / / o' o' ( \ :' o o `:: ,-)() /_.')/ . | | .)(. |\ \ ( (_ ) / ( `' /\_) .:izf:,_ . | | | _ _| \ \ :| ,==. |: / , _ / 1 \ .:q568Glip-, \ | \ \/ '-' (__\_\____::\`--'/:: / / / \/ /|\ \-38'^"^`8k=' \L, \__\\[][]____(_\_|::,`--',:: / / /__/ <( \ \8) o o 18-'_ ( / :\o*.-.( '-,': _ :`.| L----' _)/ ))-..__)( J 498:- /] : [ \ | |=| ' |\_____|,/.' //. -38, 7~ P88;-'/ / : | \ \ | | |_| | | || :: (( : : ,`""'`-._,' / : | \ \ ; | | | | \ \_::_)) | : , ,_ / :( | / )) / /| | | | | [ | \_\ _;--==--._ MJP: | / / / / | | | | | Y |CJR (_\____:_ _: : | / / _/ / \ |lf | | CJ|mk | | ,--==--. |_`--==--'_| " `--==--' >Music Styles JAZZ Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes. BLUES Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning. WORLD MUSIC Dozen different types of percussion all going at once. OPERA People singing when they should be talking. RAP People talking when they should be singing. CLASSICAL Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad. FOLK Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century. BIG BAND 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer. HEAVY METAL: Codpiece and chaps HOUSE MUSIC OK as long as it's not the house next door. ========================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: --__ == o o d ~ --____ `--_ \ \ --___ o \ = ___ _`---__ * * & _______ * \_ * |_ () `--- \ | o |---|---| \ |# _| `-_ | () O # () | _| o | | * () (_)q `-_ | | ---------- () * (_) _| _|o | _O --___ |/ p __ _-- _ ___ (_) (_) \()| () b `-- _____---\ \ (_) _ # _| _| O | --------___ __ __O O o (_) (_) (_) o() () # () ('__`> ___---' o \ * _ \ o b| * ___--- // ^( , \ ~ o (_)()O o * \ & --' _- /:_-/ / ___________ \__\_\_\_\ ~ __ () _-' / /_;\ /____\__________)____________ \ _-' **/ ) \\ / \\ \ `. \ () ,' | | \\ _J \\ \ | (_) ,' | \_J,)| \\ \ ; d ,' \._/' `|_______________,------------+-+-' `.___. \ CLAP! CLAP!!! | | O |_..__.'. \ |||/ _ _ \ O || || \_\_CLAP! CLAP! / | /\`.|_) |CLAP \_\ _ | \__'= | \_ |_ /--\ | . -- / | /\ |_) | clap!---CLAP!-------++--clap-- clap! \_ |_ /--\ | . Clap _ Clap! _ *CLAP!!* Clap / | /\ |_) | Clap! CLAP!! CLAP! CLAP \_ |_ /--\ | . CLAP! Clap! CLAP! Clap! clap \ Clap!! \ clp / , `. \ | / clap ,' `. clap \ | / ,' `. \ | / ,' A pat on the back will develop character if given young enough, often enough, low enough, and hard enough.** **I believe with all my heart that civilization has produced nothing finer than a man or woman who thinks and practices true tolerance. ~~~~~-- Frank Knox** **A reward cannot be valued if it is not understood** -- Phillip C. Grant **Let the motive be in the deed and not in the event. Be not one whose motive for action is the hope of reward. ----Kreeshna** **God's delays are not God's denials. -- Robert H. Schuller** -<>- >Andy Says... Just ThinkAbout This! There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it. ===================== No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost. ===================== There are only two things a child will share willing: communicable diseases and his mother's age. ==================== A pat on the back will develop character if given young enough, often enough, low enough, and hard enough. ==================== You know you're old ... if you can remember when bacon, eggs and sunshine were good for you. =================== **An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are the words?" -<>- | |/ | ,,,,, ,+ /| / \ () | || \ C '\ /|_() || ) _| .'___/,,,// || .'=. (____E.' / / \ || | \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ || \ \ !'__/ ) _| || \ \,' / /`._( || |`. .' / \ \ || \ `-' | .-. | | \ E || >====[] | \ |__| | O OE || / |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E || \_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\| \ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_| \ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ | |[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____| ||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ | | | / || || /| | | -----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------| /| | || ||/`-|___| | /\| | || \\._ [____] h| /`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j| `=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w| ) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" | `='====' ,-' ' ` `-. | `-.________.-' | >A Really Close Shave: After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He put on his hat and coat and went to the barbershop, which was owned by the pastor of the town's Baptist church. The barber's wife, Grace, was working that day, so she performed the task. Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water and said, "That will be $20." The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill and went to work. The next morning the man looked in the mirror and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left the barbershop the day before. "Not bad," he thought, "At least I don't need to get a shave every day." The next morning the man's face was still smooth! Two weeks later the man was STILL unable to find any trace of whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he returned to the barbershop. "I thought $20 was high for a shave," he told the barber's wife, "but you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks and my whiskers still haven't started growing back." The expression on her face didn't even change, expecting his comment. She responded, "You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved." -<>- .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' >Changing Careers: A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could. When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..." -<>- >Short Takes: Nowadays there's a pill for everything; to keep your nose from running, to keep you regular, to keep your heart beating, to keep your hair fom falling out. Thanks to advances in medical science, every day people are dying who never looked better. ======================= The gas-station attendant looks at the car and says, 'You got a flat tire.' I say, 'No, the other three just swelled up.' ======================= A man walked up to the counter of an auto-parts store. 'Excuse me,' he said, 'I'd like to get a new gas cap for my Yugo.' 'Sure,' the clerk replied, 'Sounds like a fair exchange to me.' ====================== '-. '-. _____ .-._ | '. : .. | : '-._+ | .-' / \ .'i--i / \ .-'_/____\___ .-' : fsc: **A woman's work is never done, thanks to daytime TV. **I've seen the future and it's much like the present, only longer. **Next to being young and pretty, your best bet is to be old and rich. **Our last vacation was on one of those small airlines. For entertainment they passed around a hand puppet. **Stewardess: 'We are now landing in Swabodia. Please set your watches back 100 years.' **Isn't it amazing how small airlines keep popping up. I flew on a new one just the other day; Air Brooklyn. **The coaches words to his basketball team: 'This year we're going to run and shoot. Next year we hope to run and score.' **I must have been so surprised when I was born that I didn't say a word for almost thirteen months. **One of my former bosses had a downtoewn street named after him. It's called 'One Way.' **The same boss was once injured in an avalanche. His in-basket collasped on him. -<>- >The Physical Examination: A 82 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. The doctor cautioned him about his age and sent him home with a lecture on the proper lifestyle. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor said to the man, "You must really be doing great!" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you've got a heart murmur. Be careful!" -<>- >Real Airline Schedules... Flight On Time: The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant. "Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time. It's not often that an airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am." "Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think you should know--this is yesterday's flight." -<>- >A Man REALLY ASKS For Directions! (A Real Miracle!) A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. An elderly woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. "Don't know," the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them. "This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either!" -<>- * * * * ) (\___/) ( * /( \ (. .) )\ * # ) c\ >' ( # ' )-_/ ' \\|, ____| |__ ,|// \ ) ( ` ~ ) ( / #\ / /| . ' .) \ /# | \ / ) , / \ / | \,/ ;;,,;,; \,/ _,#;,;;,;, /,i;;;,,;#,; (( %;;,;,;;,; )) ;#;,;%;;,, _// ;,;; ,#;, /_) #,; // // \|_ \|_ |#\ |#\ -" b'ger -" >Satan Was There Too: The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too!" -<>- >My Son The Garbage Collector : A man is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, the dummy wants to be a garbage collector," the man replies. To which his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career..." "Yes, I suppose, but he thinks garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!" ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Hand Painting Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint2.html Empire State Building http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/empire.html Auto Motorflex http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html Trash Shadow Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shadowart.html Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Maxine On Jesus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html Transparent Butterfly http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/butterfly.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html Bear Playground http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearplay.html World's Largest Web! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/web.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Sound on... Would You Care? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/care.html --- ...Aww, such a sweet one! thanks for the reminder Linda! Cat And Dolphins! Absolutely amazing. This is a video of a house cat on a boat, and a few dolphins in the water interacting. Cat And Dolphins Http://www.wimp.com/catdolphins/ --- ...awww, I loved this! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) These children know their instruments and play far better than any so-called rock 'bands'! Kindergarten class... Simply awesome.. This will blow you away! http://www.youtube.com/embed/yE7waNi5dc0 --- ...Sweet! Thanks PatDeE! Bless their hearts! You'd think they'd give them instruments made more to their size - almost as tall as they are! Be sure to check this one too - funny and cute! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgrrQwLdME8&feature=player_embedded -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Why Women Live Longer Than Men http://www.buffaloschips.com/72105.htm Willie You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore http://www.buffaloschips.com/72202.htm Women Drivers http://www.buffaloschips.com/72201.htm Women's Instructional Video http://www.buffaloschips.com/72203.htm Word Riddle http://www.buffaloschips.com/72204.htm World's Best Trick http://www.buffaloschips.com/72205.htm Kenny http://www.buffaloschips.com/rurtr.htm Laser Fun http://www.buffaloschips.com/ofidp.htm Let's Make A Deal http://www.buffaloschips.com/oiyi.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A team of British engineers have developed a car that runs on human waste. I'll bet that new car smell doesn't last very long." -Jay Leno "Financial analysts are worried that we may be headed for a double-dip recession. I don't know, but that sounds delicious to me." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new report shows that due to the weak economy right now, more Americans are canceling their cable television. Good luck trying to live without eight shows about cakes." -Conan O'Brien "After all the rioting in London this week, officials are worried that it could mean security problems for the Olympics next year. On the bright side, the guy running with the torch will just blend right in." -Jimmy Fallon "Health officials in Oregon have shut down a 7-year-old girl's lemonade stand because she didn't have a license. Officials haven't issued a statement yet. They're busy popping balloon animals and stomping on sand castles." -Craig Ferguson "The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text, 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to, 'Burger, please. Hungry.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Big riots in the United Kingdom. You can tell it's England because they're rioting on the other side of the street." -Jay Leno "A restaurant here in New York is serving a grilled cheese-flavored martini. Or as parents put it, 'Finally, a way to get my kids to finish their martinis.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Scientists have discovered that Texas and Antarctica were once linked. They say their first clue was when they were shot at by penguins." -Conan O'Brien "Critics are calling 'Jersey Shore' the most offensive thing the United States has done to Italy since the opening of Olive Garden." -Jay Leno "A new study found that eating healthy adds $380 to your grocery bill every year. Or as Americans put it, 'Cool, I saved $380 this year!'" -Jimmy Fallon "The stock market had its biggest one-day drop since 2008. Remember how the experts said we had to raise the debt ceiling or the market would crash? That's why I don't listen to experts. All my money is tied up in Skee ball tickets." -Jimmy Kimmel "I could end the deficit in 5 minutes. You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP all sitting members of congress are ineligible for? reelection." -- Warren Buffett >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************