Justice May Be Blind and More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== ** PLEASE SEND ANY COOL FORWARDS MY WAY - I Love them, I need them! I use them as extras to the group or turn them into pages for the web site for all to enjoy for years to come! *~* Thank You So Much! :) =========================== >-->In The "Shangy' News :) _,-'^\ _,-' ,\ ) ,,-' ,' d' ,,, J_ \ ,' `\ / __ ,-' \ \ ,' / / _,-' ' \ \ / |,-' / } ( ,' / '-,________ / \ / | | / | / | / /~\ (\/) { / \ } | | | =| / | ~\ | J \, (_o '" >Our Friend Viv sent us some wonderful graphic Sites: Don't know if this is what you are wanting, so I'm sending them anyway. I especially like the 4th of July pic's. Love your site! Viv Some great 4th of July animations! http://www.zwani.com/graphics/4th_of_july/ http://www.uselessgraphics.com/ http://www.webdeveloper.com/animations/ http://www.bellsnwhistles.com/page28.html http://www.animation-station.com/ --- ...Yes! These are great! Thank You Viv! I am always on the lookout for new sources of free quality graphics! Of Course, Please Visit my Animated Gallery Here: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html -<>- __ __ ,-' `' \ _---``-- / _ _ ; __ `. / / `' \; /`----- ) / .-/ ,( ), \-. ; | \( \ / )/; | - _5 `7 -; / ( ___-' `-____ | ( ___`-_ \ ____| \ / `,/ \ _(\__ / \ \ ; \ .' /' `i. / | | \ _-'( _\__-/ `- | | ` ,` `_ | BP >I've been making new friends on MyYearBook.com site. It is like MySpace but has some additional fun stuff to do. We have some of our group friends there too so it is all the more enjoyable! You can visit me on there here: http://www.myyearbook.com/shangy If you are there, please let me know, it is difficult for me to know who is who on that site :) -<>- .-. __ / \ __ CARING = ( `'.\ /.'` ) '-._.(;;;)._.-' SHARING .-' ,`"`, '-. (__.-'/ \'-.__)/)_ \ /\ / / ) '-' | \/.-') , | .'/\'..) |\ |/ | \_) \ | | \_/ | \ / \|/ _, jgs / __/ / | _/ _.' |/__/ \ >It sure has been a busy weekend for the 'Shangy' Press! Our newest page comes from a forward from our friend Becky. I had some great graphics to go along with it and the whole thing went together quite well. See what you think: Would You Care? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/care.html --- ...Thank You Becky! I do so love forwards! -<>- We've got TWO new Poetry Pages! Two awesome poems that deserved an awesome page! See what You Think... As Always, give these time to load and turn up your sound! The first comes from our friend Bob. ________ \______ \ _______ ____ _____ _____ ______ | | \ \_ __ \ _/ __ \ \__ \ / \ / ___/ | ` \ | | \/ \ ___/ / __ \_ | | \ \ \___ \ /_______ / |__| \___ > (____ / |__|_| / /____ > \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ Believe In Your Dreams http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/dream.html The second one is an ORIGINAL Poem from our friend James. The Invisible Child http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/invisiblechild.html --- ...THANK YOU BOB AND JAMES FOR YOUR SWEET SHARINGS TO US! *~* Please Be Sure To Pass These On - Thank You! ========================================================== First-Aid Training Comes In Handy ,{{}}}}}}. "How come you're late?" asks the {{{{{}}}}}}}. bartender as the blonde waitress walks {{{{ {{{{{}}}} in the door. }}}}} _ _ {{{{{ }}}} m m }}}}} "It was awful," she explains. "I was {{{{C ^ {{{{{ walking down Elm street and there }}}}}}\ '=' /}}}}}} was this terrible accident. A man {{{{{{{{;.___.;{{{{{{{{ was lying in the middle of the }}}}}}}}}) (}}}}}}}}}} street. He'd been thrown from his {{{{}}}}}': :{{{{{{{{{{ car. His leg was broken, his skull {{{}}}}}} `@` {{{}}}}}}} was fractured, and there was blood {{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}} everywhere. Thank God I took that }}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{{ first-aid course and all my training {{{{{{{{ }}}}}} came back to me in a minute." }}}}} {{{{ jgs {{{ }} "What did you do?" asks the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!" ================================================================== +------------------ Bizarre Motorists -------------------+ Former traffic policeman William Alexander set out to drive the 15 miles from Hereford to Ross-on-Wye in 1996. He and his wife were found confused 36 hours later, after a 1,000 mile drive, going the wrong way down the MI near Barnsley. In 1994, a nun who said she was rushing an injured dog to the vet was fined for reckless driving after refusing to stop for armed police in New York State. Leroy Linen, a scrap-metal dealer from the Bronx, was banned from driving 633 times between 1990 and 1994. Assuming she had failed after hitting the curb during her 1995 test at Lowestoft, Tcheeka Johnson punched the exam- iner on the leg, screeched to a halt and pushed her out of the passenger door. Trying to test his oil level manually, a Wakefield motor- cyclist got his finger stuck in the oil tank and had to summon the fire brigade to release him. ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the passengers. "We have a little extra room tonight, folks," he said over the PA system. "So if you wouldn't mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is full." -<>- \\\ ____ ________``` \ =|- [________] \ | =| | _ | | \ __ ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__) /|\ (/(|(\ Jolene had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. Then she went to visit her Mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that her husband had surprised her by installing beautiful new cabinets. A few days later a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen." -<>- After moving in to our new office space, I was given the job of completing an Occupational Health and Safety report about the building. I discovered that the building had been built with no fire exit! If a fire starts at the entrance, the only way out would be to smash through the manager's office window. So I put these comments down and submitted my report to the manager before it got sent to head office. In all seriousness he added the following comment to the head office about smashing the window, "Please confirm that this is an acceptable option by returning your approval." -<>- My violin teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the audience raised their hand and asked, "So, you got it used?" =========================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ./==\ /~~~~~\V ./ / || (-_=====) ./ / || ( -=====\ ./ ./ /| \ ( ( )= ./ (./ / | \ ) ) _/ ./ ./ / | |\ ,__(__ ( ( ___/ ./ / | | \ ( L:\\ -v-\ / @@@/@@@@ @@@\@@@ / /\L:\\VV KK\/ (@@@/OO@@@@)@@@OO\@@@) / / |L:\\vKKxx) @/@@@@@@ @@@@@\@ MM#@#!!!| GOD SURE ISN'T!! \\ MM#@#!!:!/ \\ MM#@#!!!| M\\ M#@#!!:\ Denia Straw MM\\ @#!!:!| <<:\\ @#:::/ ><<<:\/#|||| <>>>:@@#___\ \/~oO/ )Ooo >A Scene at City Hall in San Francisco "Next." "Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license." "Names?" "Tim and Jim Jones." "Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance." "Yes, we're brothers." "Brothers? You can't get married." "Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?" "Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!" "Incest?" No, we are not gay." "Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?" "For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects." "But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman." "Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marr y Jim." "And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?" "All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next." "Hi. We are here to get married." "Names?" "John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson." "Who wants to marry whom?" "We all want to marry each other." "But there are four of you!" "That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship." "But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples." "So you're discriminating against bisexuals!" "No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples." "Since when are you standing on tradition?" "Well , I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere." "Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!" "All right, all right. Next." "Hello, I'd like a marriage license." "In what names?" "David Deets." "And the other man?" "That's all. I want to marry myself." "Marry yourself? What do you mean?" "Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income tax return." "That does it! I quit! You people are making a mockery of marriage!" --- ...Don't forget the fools that want to marry their pets! That will be next along with pedophiles wanting to marry their little ones! Marriage is supposed to be the Sanctity of Marriage - What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. I'm sure God is NOT putting together the above examples of unity. Therefore, they are not true marriages but simply man made unities. -<>- >The Coat Hanger / , | / / | | / ( | | / / ) | | / /|/ | ' /_,/ | ' \ ejm ,____/ | \ \ \_/\ \ | ` A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, You might find a coat Hanger and use that to open the door. The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, 'I don't know how to use this.' She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, 'This is what you sent to help me?' But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful. The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, 'Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car? He said, 'Sure.' He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened She hugged the man and through her tears she said, 'Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.' The man replied, 'Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.' The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, 'Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a professional!' -<>- 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book. It's called .......... "Ministers Do More Than Lay People." 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink And be Mary. 3. The difference between the Pope and Your boss, the Pope, only expects you To kiss his ring. 4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant Flash and it is gone. 5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and That ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 7. It used to be only death and taxes Were inevitable Now, of course, there's Shipping and handling, too. 8. A husband is someone who, after taking The trash out, gives the impression that He just cleaned the whole house. 9. My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can. 10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my Mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid." -<>- _____ /~/~ ~\ | | \ \ \ \ \ \ R I P \ --\ \ .\'' --==\ \ ,,i!!i, ''"'',,}{,, >The blonde mortician A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked hisbest in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. 'There's no charge,' she says. 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says. 'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' ‘So I just switched the heads!’ ================================================================== >-->In The Wordly News: >From CoffeeBreak: Wikipedia blamed for test score drop The Scottish Parent Teacher Council blames students' reliance on Wikipedia and similar online sources for a drop in examination scores. Eleanor Coner, the information officer, told The Scotsman that students are good at working with computers but "rubbish" at doing research. She said they pick up information online and pass it off as their own work. "It's dangerous when the Internet is littered with opinion and inaccurate information which could be taken as fact," she added. The percentage of students passing the high school test dropped for the first time in four years this year. Most Wikipedia articles can be edited by anyone and political entries especially are subject to self-inflation by the subjects or vandalism by opponents. At one point, the Wikipedia entry on former British Prime Minister Tony Blair included an obscene description of his relationship with U.S. President George Bush. While Wikipedia says it has taken steps to improve its accuracy and deal with vandalism, the online encyclopedia warns that errors are especially likely in less-read entries. ___ .=" "=._.---. ." c ' Y'`p / , `. w_/ jgs | '-. / / _,..._| )_-\ \_=.\ `-....-'`------)))`=-'"`'" Will beavers bring tourists to Scotland? Animal advocate groups predict that beavers will be a major draw for tourists if the animals become re-established in Scotland. Beavers, once prized for their fur, have not lived in the wild in Scotland for four centuries. They are to be re-introduced next year with beavers imported from Norway. An Oxford University study estimated that tourists drawn by beavers would spent 2 million pounds ($4 million) annually, The Scotsman reported. The study was commissioned by the Scottish Wildlife Trust and the Royal Zoological Society, which are the leading agencies in the reintroduction. The study foresaw minimal economic damage. In other countries, re-introduced beavers have consumed crops, drowned fields with their dams and killed trees. Jeremy Usher Smith of Wild Scotland said that beavers are ideal animals for eco-tourism. Families of up to eight live in large lodges and build dams, making them easy to find. Up to four families of beavers are to be released in Knapdale Forest in Argyll. Youngsters compete in Soapbox Derby Sixty young drivers competed during the weekend in an old Ohio tradition, the Cincinnati Soapbox Derby. Contestants and their entourages began arriving as early as 7:30 a.m., two hours before the practice runs and three hours before the first trial heats, The Cincinnati Enquirer reported. The first Cincinnati Derby was held in 1934 and it remained an annual fixture until 1978. The event was revived in 2006. "That first year we had 25 cars. Last year we had 27, this year we had 64 until this morning, but we had four scratches, so now it's 60, more than double last year," said Doug Newberry, president of Cincinnati Soapbox Derby and a driving force behind its comeback. Children 8 to 13 compete in the Stock race where car and driver can weigh no more than 200 pounds. Contestants 10 to 17 are eligible for SuperStock, where the maximum weight is 300. The sport is now completely co-ed, and Newberry had two daughters competing along with his son. Winners get to go to Akron for the National Finals next month. There's also the Cincinnati Mayor's Cup Challenge, with a $5,000 prize. -<>- >From BizarreNews: --- Russian monument celebrates enemas ------------ ZHELEZNOVODSK, Russia - A health center in Zheleznovodsk, Russia, has unveiled what is believed to be the world's first monument celebrating enema treatments. Workers at the Mashuk Akva-Term Sanatorium said the monument, which depicts an 800-pound bronze syringe bulb being carried on the backs of three angels, was planned because the health center carries out hundreds of the procedures every day, The Sun reported Thursday. "As gastroenterology is the main treatment area at the Zheleznovodsk spa center, it was decided to create such a unique monument, which is both funny and vital," said Alexander Kharchenko, director of the medical center. ' __ __ :||: :||: :||: ___ ___ :||: :||:/~ ~-__ __-~ ~\:||: : .\ .." : \ _ -___ -___><___- ___- _/ |_)\_) \_) (_/(_| (_| unknown --- Family forced out of home by skunks ------------ SHEFFIELD LAKE, Ohio - An Ohio woman said she is having a nervous breakdown after her family was forced out of its home by four skunks living under the floors. Karen McCullough, her husband and teenage son have spent a month living in a crowded rental home with their two dogs, two cats and a bird while workers repair the floors in their house, The Plain Dealer newspaper in Cleveland reported Thursday. "I've cried a few times. Inside, I'm having a nervous breakdown," she told The Plain Dealer. Contractors haven't said when the McCulloughs will be able to go home. The family said the skunks sprayed after their dogs began barking at noises under the floors in November. The skunks have been removed but the McCulloughs are stuck waiting in their rental home until contractors finish repairs, the newspaper said. --- Hiccup spell stops after 65 days ------------- OMAHA - An Omaha, Neb., woman said her 11-year-old daughter's chronic hiccups stopped abruptly after 65 days. Dawn Swanger said doctors told her there was nothing physically wrong with her daughter, Ericka, and the family tried all manner of home remedies for the condition, including drinking water through a towel while upside-down and using a drinking device called a "Hic-cup," KETV, Omaha, Neb., reported Thursday. "It started April 1," Ericka said. "We were in English class at school, and it was no big deal. Then, a couple weeks later, we started getting worried. They hurt, but not that much anymore. I got used to the pain." Dawn Swanger said her daughter's hiccups stopped mysteriously on the day she was to have visited hypnotist Jeanette Laitner, who hypothesized the condition was being caused by the girl's subconscious. "It might have started out physically, but it ends up being subconscious," Laitner said. ============================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: >Gifts Your Wife Doesn't Want For Christmas 10. A car wash kit 9. A table saw 8. Two all-day passes to Circuit City's Home Theatre Installation Seminar 7. A case of oil 6. Five-year subscription to Sports Illustrated 5. Custom engraved bowling ball 4. New outboard motor for fishing boat 3. Rambo Trilogy on DVD 2. New satellite dish with sports package 1. Three-year membership to Weight-Watchers Clinic -<>- _--_ dMb __(._ ) d0P < (D) .MP .~ \ /~```M-. .~ V Mo_ \ ( (___. {:)-./ ~._____.(:} / .M\ / "" \ | /\ | / / \ \ / / \ \ \__/ \__/ / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ '94 the wolfe >-->Emotional Involvement With God An article in one of our local papers told about a fellow who did his masters thesis on the stress experienced by teenaged athletes. This school psychologist concluded that teenage athletics is a religion. It's true! The passion for the game; the cheerleaders stirring the crowd to an emotional frenzy! As the clock ticks down the final seconds, the two teams go into overtime! We rarely criticize such emotional involvement, except when there is emotion with God. After all, we don't want to be accused of being radical. Getting excited about basketball is only natural. But why get all excited about God? Why get emotionally involved with Jesus Christ? The point is this: If you are going to participate in a religion, you had better get involved in true religion rather than false religion. Now basketball is not innately evil. It is a game. Basketball is not a god, nor are basketball games religious services. But to treat them as such is to engage in false worship. Better that you should engage in true worship of the God of the Bible. Better that you should become emotionally involved with Jesus Christ. The First of the Ten Commandments says, "You shall have no other gods before Me" (Exodus 20:3). False worship is sin. Jesus Christ died to pay the penalty for sin due to people like you and me. When you turn from false worship, you must turn to Christ. When you turn to Christ, you must trust in the sacrifice of Christ as the only payment for your sins of false worship. Quite frankly, you must become emotionally involved with Christ. You see, true faith is a matter of heart. It involves your mind, your will and your emotions. Contributed by Dr. Dennis J. Prutow djprutow@rpts.edu Voice message and free tapes: 1-800-777-0389 [USA] Or order your free tapes online: http://gci.gospelcom.net/dw/free_tape.html Today's cassette is 192 Visit Dr. Prutow's site: http://www.w-e-m.org/ -- If you are interested, there is more information about the most important event of all time and how to be part of it. Visit: http://www.dailywisdom.com/dw-level2.html or send mail to mailto:dw-follow-up@gospelcom.net (follow-up message only, not for DW list subscriptions) -- Daily Wisdom online message http://www.dailywisdom.com A service of Gospel Communications International http://www.gospelcom.net/gci Edited by Warren Kramer mailto:warren@gospelcom.net http://www.gospelcom.net/~warren ========================================================= >-->Top Ten Signs You're Drinking Too Much Coffee 10. Your blood type has been reclassified as "espresso" 9. Every morning you go for a quick 47 mile jog 8. As soon as California legalized gay marriage, you got engaged to Mr. Coffee 7. Your after-shave? Hazelnut non-dairy creamer 6. You're tapping your leg like Larry Craig in a men's room stall 5. A Starbucks just opened in your basement 4. Your last words before bypass surgery: "Tell Juan Valdez I love him" 3. Average 80 blinks per minute 2. You named your kids "Tall," "Grande," and "Venti" 1. Unable to sleep, you actually watch "The Late Show" ============================================================= >-->From The Jokester: _....._ /::::::.\ /xx::::::.\ L U N C H B R E A K! |#xx|n|:xx| \##x/xxxx#/ | |\-.-.|\#/#####/ | . |.-,-/| /\__V_\'|B""""|\-.-|| :o. /_v_=\ \ \ /, |0| o,o|/ / /==o=|\ \ \|o.- |0|_.O-- |||\_|=_=/]/ ||o.o|| \[\_v_|.-'\.' |(_)=)-=== \]=-=|/ | @ \-' \ '=: \V| m|--e-+------ |=O==| '._|=._\| |\_\_v_E)| '/\ '/==..__ / |//'. | |=>o<=| |-\"\ /-=/ '. | './-\_/-\ |_o| '.___.' _/._/ |-|_ _|._/ \_.| \_/\ /:__o| |o_:\ /:_o| |o_:. /:_o| l42 >Why I Need a Raise! A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.' Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?' Maria: 'Your husband said so.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.' Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?' Maria: 'Your husband did.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.' Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?' Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.' She got the raise -<>- >Signs You're Really Broke American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fin restaurant. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe. Long distance companies no longer call you to switch. Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9% to 24.9%. You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes. You receive care packages from Europe. Your bologna has no first name. You rob Peter...and then rob Paul. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. You give blood everyday - for the orange juice. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. Consumer Credit Counseling services said "No." The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets. -<>- >Dear Staff: RAISES - It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. a.. If we see you are wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. b.. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. c.. If you dress in between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. PERSONAL DAYS - Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays. LUNCH BREAKS - a.. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. b.. Normal sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. c.. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time it takes to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill. SICK DAYS - We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. RESTROOM USE - Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. a.. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. b.. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. c.. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the bulletin board under the "chronic offenders" category. SURGERY- As long as you are an employee here, you need all of your organs. a.. You should not consider removing anything. b.. We hired you intact. c.. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, aggravations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a good week and GET BACK TO WORK! ================================================================ >-->Fun Places To Net Visit: >From The Mouth: WHO WOULD BUY THAT? http://whowouldbuythat.com/ THE LOVE CALCULATOR a href=" http://www.lovecalculator.com/ -<>- >From Linky & Dinky: CONSUMER REPORTS BETTER WATCH OUT Eval your next toy before you add to your household debt, http://www.testfreaks.com AND THIS IS NEWS FROM MAC-OS KEN! The must-subscibe and most informative daily Apple/Mac news podcast that I like a lot. http://www.MacOSKen.com -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Send Your Name To The Moon http://lro.jhuapl.edu/NameToMoon/index.php PUPPETS http://www.sagecraft.com/puppetry/ Doggie Zone http://www.lostlabs.com/ Kitty Korner http://www.flippyscatpage.com/catpoetscorner.html They Don't Make Them Like This Anymore http://www.buffaloschips.com/62301.htm This Kid Deserves An Oscar http://www.buffaloschips.com/62302.htm Tolerant Cat http://www.buffaloschips.com/62303.htm Toll Booth http://www.buffaloschips.com/62304.htm Play Of The Day http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112485.htm Mexican Mondays http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112486.htm Juggler http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112490.htm Life Guard In The Pool http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112491.htm Soft Landing http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3308.htm Dinner 4 One??? http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3304.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Hillary Clinton is taking a month off from her job as senator to rest up from her campaign. How does that work? You've been neglecting your job trying to get a better job. You don't get that job, so you to take a month off from the job you were trying to get out of and go on vacation. Imagine if you tried that with your boss. 'Hey boss, listen — I've been looking for another job, and I'm exhausted. I want to take a month off. Here's where you can send my checks.'" -Jay Leno "Britney Spears says she's going to move back to Louisiana for a month to help her 17 year-old sister raise her new baby. Britney says she'll spend the first couple of days getting to know the baby — and the rest of the month teaching it to drive." -Conan O'Brien "Celebrity birthday: Happy birthday to Paula Abdul — 46 years old today. If you're looking for a gift, you can't go wrong with something from Bed Bath & Waaaay Beyond." -Dave Letterman "The Mars Lander has found traces of ice and salt on Mars. Now, it's looking for tequila." -David Letterman "Yesterday a top Starbucks executive resigned. He will receive a $120 million severance package or three lattes." -Conan O'Brien "For those who may not know this: When the preacher says, 'You may now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking to the groom." -David Gunter Quotes from Mae West: Everything's in the mind. That's where it all starts. Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it. I used to be Snow White - but I drifted. Too much of a good thing is wonderful. When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin. ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************