Kids And More ... :) Shangy! >-->From The FunnyBone: .-. An insurance salesman was trying ,-"""-, to persuade a housewife that she / \__ \ should take out life insurance. | / `\ | "Suppose your husband were to \( ^.^ )/ die," he said, "What would you \ - / get?" .-'|;---;|-. (\/ ||___|| `\ The housewife thought for a \\__/ \__| while, and then said, C|`----`|D __//| | "Oh, a parrot, I think. | |====( | | Then the house wouldn't | | _/_/___.---- seem so quiet." .===| |====\ /===. | ('------') ( '----' ) | jgs | | ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Steve :) >Keeping Tradition... @ ) (_m_\ \\" _.`~. `(#'/.\) .>' (_--, _=/d . ^\ ~~ \)-' ' / | ptr ##'##'#after a:f############## ################################# A cowboy at a bar in Great Falls, Montana, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "I know, but that's O.K. I have two brothers, one in Billings, the other in Helena . I'm in Great Falls . When we left home, we promised each other that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender says, "I think that is a nice custom." The cowboy becomes a regular, and always orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day he comes in and orders only two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "We don't want to intrude on your grief, but we want to offer our condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and joined the Mormon church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers, though." -<>- What, you may ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on as these marvelous stories unfold of what children think about! A particular Sunday sermon this Mom will never forget..................... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without You, we are but dust." He would have continued, but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?" JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After awhile he asked: "Mom, Is one for hot and one for cold milk?" MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six." STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window." BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?" SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough." D.I. (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?" MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad, "Why is he whispering in her mouth?" CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?" JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, little James asked, "What happened to the flea?" TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?" -<>- A Classic - Breakfast at McDonald's /\ __ \ .-':::. \ :::::|\ |,\:::'/ \ `.:::-' \ `-. \ ___ `-. | .-'';:::. `-.-' / ',''.;;;\ | ','','.''| |\ ' ,',' /' `.`-.___.-;' `--._.-' AsH This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!) I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurantwere set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. I realizedI had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the greatest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this... LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. .---. / ,-- \ .--. ( (^_^) ) .--. ,' \ (.-`-'(_) / `. / `-/ \ `. \-' \ : (_,' . / (.\_ ") \ . `._) : | `-'(_,\ \ / /._)`-' | | . `.\,O,'.' . : | | . : ! /\_ /\ ! . ! | | ! |-'-| : ""T"" : |-'-| | | | |-' `-'| H |`-' `-| | `-' | H .:| `-' | . H !|| | : H :!| | ! H !|| | | H ||| | | H ||| Ojo 98 /_,'V.L|.\ There is an Angel to watch over Everyone. Pass this on to the people you want watched over. God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest. Keep this going -<>- \\ | /~\ \ | |_~ // |_ \_/ \| |__ What does Love mean? Professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. Slow down for few minutes to read these touching words. Joyce - age 5 "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8 "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5 "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6 "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4 "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7 Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8 "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7 "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8 "My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6 "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5 "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7 "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4 "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4 "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image) Karen - age 7 "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6 "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." And the final one - Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed in his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry" ======================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Pat :) >A Classic - JUST A MOM? _ .-' '-. / \ |,-,-,-,-,| ___ | _)_(_ | (/ \) | _\_/_ /) / \_/ \// |( )\/ ||)_( |/ \ n| | / \ | |_|___| \|/ jgs _/L\_ A woman, renewing her driver's license at the CountyClerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a......?" "Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mom." "We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "What is your occupation?" she probed. What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, [what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money." There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom." Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants". Please send this to another Mom, Grandmother, Aunt, and other friends you know. May your troubles be less, your blessings be more and nothing but happiness come through your door! ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bob :) . `:. `:. .:' ,:: .:' ;:' :: ;:' : .:' `. :. _________________________ : _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ : ,---:".".".".".".".".".".".".": : ,'"`::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.::' `.`. `:-===-===-===-===-===-:' `.`-._: : `-.__`. ,' met. ,--------`"`-------------'--------. `"--.__ __.--"' `""-------------""' A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us." God brews the coffee, not the cups.......... Enjoy your coffee! "The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything." Live simply Love generously Care deeply Speak kindly Leave the rest to God. ======================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: See if you can follow along with this story. Five years ago a woman failed to properly secure her child in a car seat. Subsequently, when she got into a wreck, the child rocketed out of her SUV on impact, causing him brain injury and per- manent disability. Now the boy, 8-years-old, is suing his parents for failing to buckle his car seat properly. Well, you've heard about these kinds of lawsuits before. Children have sued game manufacturers, amusement parks, each other and even their parents before. But the kicker here is the boy has his parents support and even their help to sue them. But why would the parents aid a lawsuit against themselves? Because the family hopes that if the boy wins his suit the family's auto insurance company (not the parents) will pay him $100,000. This is, of course, after the family has already reached an out-of-court settlement with the car seat manufacturer. But they are successful with this interesting twist on the law other parents, caregivers and insurers could find them- selves facing financial responsibility if a child gets hurt while riding in an improperly installed car seat. Even in wrecks in which the motorist with a child passenger is not at fault, the other driver could try to skirt financial responsibility by pointing to a parent's negligent car-seat use. --- )..( (.o) `.( ) |||| ptr "`'" -- Traveling Dog Catches The Bus -------------- PORTLAND, Ore. - Animal services officials in Portland, Ore., are searching for the owner of a dog that hitched a ride on a city bus without his owner in tow. Bruce Solberg, a spokesman for TriMet, the city's public transportation system, said the pit bull mix followed a passenger onto the bus but when the driver asked if it was a service animal, the passenger said the dog wasn't his, the Portland Oregonian reported Thursday. The driver took the canine cargo as far as the Gresham Transit Center, where a police officer picked up the animal, which was described as friendly and well behaved, and dropped him off at the Oregon Humane Society. The dog, nicknamed "Buster" by humane society staff, was then taken to Multnomah County (Ore.) Animal Services. Multnomah County Animal Services officials told the newspaper they were searching for the owner of the dog, which is short haired with mostly light brown fur with white spots on his chest and muzzle. -- Aussie cat gets bank credit card ------------- MELBOURNE, Australia - An Australian bank apologized for granting a credit card to a customer's pet cat. Katherine Campbell told the Australian Broadcasting Corp. that the Bank of Queensland sent a card, attached to her existing account, for her cat "Messiah." She says she was testing the bank's identity screening process. Asked for comment, a bank official said people who apply for credit cards must sign to confirm the information they have provided is true and not misleading. -- Virginia Calf Born With Two Faces ------------ WYTHEVILLE, Va. A farmer in Wythe County, Va., says a cow on his farm gave birth to a calf with two faces. Kirk Heldreth, owner of the Heldreth Dairy Farm, said he initially thought the cow was giving birth to twins, but as the labor progressed he saw that the two faces emerging from the mother were attached to the same head, the Wytheville Enterprise reported Friday. "It's the craziest thing I've ever seen," Heldreth said. The calf, which appears normal from the neck down, sports an unusually large head, four eyes, two noses and two tongues. It also has two lower jaws, but they are part of a single mouth. Heldreth said the calf, which was born with diprosopus after potential twins failed to separate completely in the womb, was not strong enough to stand and was kept alive by feeding tubes and round the clock attention that the farmer said would be difficult to maintain. ...Which is weird but this too is interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conjoined_twins joined twins -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: More new moms go the diaper-free way A rapidly growing movement is taking speed among New York mothers -- toilet training children from as young as just a few weeks. Beth Schwartz's 15-month-old daughter, Eden, has been diaper-free for more than a year. The movement is called "elimination communication" and argues that it is wrong for parents to force their babies to wear diapers, and inhumane to let a child sit in a wet or dirty one, the New York Post reported. Advocates of the diaper-free movement say if parents listen to children closely, they can train them from a very early age. Movement adherents say they only use diapers on rare occasions, such as a lengthy outing. Schwartz -- who is 40 and has three children older than Eden -- said at first she thought the idea would be too time-consuming, but it made sense after she saw how effective it was. Eden rarely has accidents, Schwartz told the newspaper. 'Language police' list new offenses Members of a group in India who call themselves the "global language police" have put out an all-points bulletin on politically insensitive words. The Press Trust of India reported that offenses include replacing "Oriental" with "Asian" and replacing "women" with "womyn" in order to distance the genders. "Macaca" is also included -- a video of former U.S. Sen. George Allen, R-Va., using it may have cost him his bid for re-election in 2006. The list also reports on a Glasgow, Scotland, coffee shop where the proprietor refused to serve a customer "black" coffee because he thought it racist. He would only serve "coffee without milk." Another word deemed offensive was" "metrosexual," with a suggested replacement: "menaissance" or "male renaissance." Also suggested, the report said, was the altering of certain Christmas carols to be more inclusive of both genders. ===================================================================== >-->From our friends Del, Casey, & Mr.Wu :) | ,|, ||| / | \ Children In Church... | | | | | | / | \ | | | | | \ / \ | | | | | | \ / | | 8 | | | ""8"" / | \ 8 / \ ,\ ,d8888888888888|========|="" | ,d" "88888888888| ,aa, | a | ,d" "888888888| 8 8 | 8 | ,d8888888b, "8888888| 8aa8 | 8,| ,d" "8888888b, "88888|========|="" | ,d" "8888888b, "888| a a | a | ,d" ,aa, "8888888b, "8| 8 8 | 8,| /| d" "b |""""""| |========|="" | | 8 8 | | | ,aa, | a | | 8aaaa8 | | | 8 8 | 8 | | | | | """" | ,,=| |aaaaaaaaaaaaaa|======""""""""""""""""" Normand Veilleux A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would ut his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" ---------------------------------------------------------------- One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." ---------------------------------------------------------------- A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." ---------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday S chool teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." ---------------------------------------------------------------- A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit". ---------------------------------------------------------------- The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" ---------------------------------------------------------------- Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." ---------------------------------------------------------------- My grandson was visiting one day when he asked , "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. ---------------------------------------------------------------- A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" ---------------------------------------------------------------- A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife." ======================================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! ___ ___ /_/\\___//\_\ //\_/\\ Ruff! \ \_/ / Clover Fernchild aka cf /| o |\ __/\/ | | | \/\__ (_____((_|_))_____) Upon entering a small country store, A stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep On the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't Look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world Would you post that sign?" The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, People kept tripping over him.” -<>- Q. Ivory soap is "99 and 44/100% pure". Pure what? A. Pure marketing baloney it appears. In 1881, Procter & Gamble's Harley Procter decided that adding the word pure to his Ivory soap would give its sales a necessary shot in the arm. So he hired a New York consultant to help him justify the addition. The consultant's analysis proved that Ivory was almost 100% pure fatty acids and alkali -- the stuff that most soap is made of. Ivory's impurities were limited to 0.56%--0.11% uncombined alkali, 0.28% carbonates, and 0.17% mineral matter. Q. Why is something great referred to as "A-1"? A. The phrase dates back to the 1820's in England. At that time, Lloyd's of London began classifying ships numerically for insurance purposes. "A Number 1" was the highest rating, and quickly caught on in English society as a way to signify any person, place or thing that was of superior quality. The phrase was sustained by its use as a brand name for steak sauce originally developed for Kind George the IV. The King's personal chef developed the condiment, and popular legend has the King exclaiming "This sauce is A-1!" after his first taste. The chef manufactured the sauce privately after the King's death, ultimately making a deal with a Connecticut based producer. - "Panati's Extraordinary Origins of Everydday Things" ...For more Word/Phrase Origins visit here: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html Word Origins -<>- Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there. -<>- Kids are Quick TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher -<>- >A Classic - A Rude Gentleman? .'''. '(("""))' '((O.O))' '; o ;' .("|((, / | || (_ | |/ ,'..,' : ScS @[.,..' \ `, | | | A young woman, several months pregnant, boarded a bus and sat opposite a young man, he smiled. Feeling embarrassed she changed her seat. But it was to no avail, for the young man smiled even more broadly when she sat down. Again she moved to another seat, he grinned and again after the fourth move, the young man just rolled up and roared with laughter. The woman complained and duly summoned him. Judge: Well, young man, have you anything to say in your defense against this charge? The young man: Well, your Honor, when the young lady entered the bus, her condition was obvious. However, that did not prompt my smile, but she sat under an advertisement that read: “Coming shortly - The Gold Rush Twins.” The lady seemed indignant when I smiled and she got up and took another seat beneath a shaving stick advertisement, which read: “William’s stick did the trick.” She moved a third time and sat beneath a poster that read: “Sloane’s liniments will remove swelling.” It was after she had moved her seat fourth time that I lost control of my merriment for above her was a slogan: “Dunlop Rubber Goods would have prevented this accident.” ====================================================================== >-->From The MouthPiece: David Letterman's Top Ten Things Overheard In New York City Today 10. "Hello, police? The city smells slightly worse than usual" 9. "We at Con-Ed will repair this problem on the 26th between 1PM and 7PM" 8. "I'm dizzy, nauseous, my throat is burning-- it's like I ate at Hello Deli" 7. "My cab driver is disoriented-- he's not driving on the curb" 6. "Relax-- breathing air is still safer than drinking the water" 5. "I hope this doesn't affect Tony Danza's performance in 'The Producers'" 4. "The rats are wearing gas masks" 3. "Maybe it's the gas, but I find Letterman kind of funny" 2. "Michael Richards is apologizing" 1. "All this choking makes me feel like I'm at a Knicks game" -<>- You Know You Grew Up In The 80's If... 1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE". 2. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair "...and can do the "Carlton". 3. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own. 4. "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom. 5. Two words: Hammer Pants. 6. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock ". 7. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales ". 8. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen... and still know the turtles names. 9. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. 10. L.A. Gear... need I say more. 11. You wanted to be a Goonie. 12. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. 13. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. 14. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence. 15. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. 16. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?" 17. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up" 18. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide. 19. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies. 20. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" & "My Little Pony" 21. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. 22. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. 23. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB". 24. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell ", the ORIGINAL class. 25. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?" ======================================================================== >-->FUN Places to Net Visit: [AOL and Others may have to copy and paste these links] >From LynnLynns Links: The Zest Of Life http://domania.us/SwordSisters/Inspirations5/Zest.html Ken w/ Just One Day Left To Live http://www.gospelman.net/christian/justonedaylefttolive.html Melva w/Cool Forest Glade http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp2/CoolForest.html Carol w/Whisper of Fate http://www.carolspoetry.com/fate.html Kaye w/I Wander Alone http://www.kayesworld.co.uk/wanderalone.html Animal World Doggie Zone http://www.thepuppyplace.org/doghumor.html Shangrala's Pet Gallery! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pets.html Kitty Korner http://www.farsinet.com/gorbeh/catjokes.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ==================================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Donald Trump is in the news. Can you believe that? Anyway his new season of "The Apprentice" started last night. He has replaced his old catchphrase of 'you’re fired' to 'Rosie is fat.'" --Conan O'Brien "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." --Mark Twain "Sanity is a madness put to good use." --George Santayana "This is true he [Justin Timberlake] has broken up with his girlfriend Cameron Diaz. The Hollywood buzz apparently is she was too old for him…This has caused a lot of excitement in Hollywood. This breakup has made Demi Moore very nervous. She’s doubled Ashton’s allowance so you know it is serious." --Ferguson "Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking." --Bill Vaughan "I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities." --Dr. Seuss >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Seervice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Subscribe ************************************************************************ >TO UNSUBSCRIBE: Remove ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN Listt Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES INN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or you'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************ --Want TIPS to help TEACH A CHILD TO BE SAFFE and STOP ABDUCTIONS? Child Help ************************************************************************ --PHYSICIAN FORMULAS = THE BEST PLACE TO GEET IT: Wanta know more? >Visit their Web Site: PhysicianFormulas ************************************************************************ PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS They keep our service "priceless" -->LET'S Have FUN and Do Some SHOPPING!! We've got patches, Phones, Almonds, and Chains, Furniture, Chocolates, Cheese, and Games. Clothing, flowers, dishes, and shoes, Desserts, Cherished Teddies, and Auto Tools. We've got NCAA, NFL, MLB, and NBA, Disney, Name a star, Movies, and KinKade. Jewelry, furs, leather, and lighting, Music, instruments, and magazines at best pricing. >Beat The Crowds - Let Your MOUSE Do the Walking! :) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/yellow.html Get It Here ***********************************************************************