Labor Day Smiles... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
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Group email address:
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This Scorcher is from our friend Karen. It gave me a few
laughs and goodness knows we all could use some of those!
Check out this cute one here...
.-'-.
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'-|` a '<-. [] /o o \ |
\ _\__) \=` | .' /_
C_ ` ,_/ c ( /
jgs | ;----' `.~_ `-'
____| |___ __\ \___
.'` _./' '\._`'. /(( ` ` ))\
--'` `-.-` `'- `======`
Cartoon Lip Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lipart.html
===
...Absolutely love this one! Thanks Nancy!
-<>-
_ ___ _
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*~* We Had A Super Tremendous Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month!
>Be Sure To Share These With Your Friends :)
Tree Trunk Art 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trunkart2.html
Rare Historical Photos!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historyphotos.html
Beautiful Wolves!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolves.html
A Little Froggy!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frogart.html
World's Largest Monastic Library!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/library.html
Only In Australia!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html
Fairy Pot Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/potart.html
Elephant Rescue 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant2.html
* May God Abundantly Bless All Our Sweet Contributors!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Acts 2:38
This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down
with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all
alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote
scripture. So, she holds up a hand and says, "ACTS 2:38!!!"
_______
The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes / /_
to the point that she is able to get to the / -/- / /
phone and call 911 for the cops. When the / / / /
cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in /_______/ /
place. They are very much surprised that a jgs ((______| /
woman alone with no weapon could do this. `"""""""`
One of them asked the lady, "How did you do this?"
The woman replied, "I quoted scripture."
The cop turned the burglar, "What was it about the scripture that had
such an effect on you?"
The burglar replied, "Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said
she had an ax and two 38's."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day, the first woman telephone operator
September 2 is National Beheading Day
September 3 is Skyscraper Day
September 4 is Newspaper Carrier Day
September 5 is Be Late for Something Day and Cheese Pizza Day
September is 6 Fight Procrastination Day and Read a Book Day
September 7 Grandparent's Day and Neither Rain nor Snow Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
_____
\/\ | .
()))))))/
((/ \)))))
((),>((((
)\__ ))
( __\((__
/ )\/\,\
/.|/ _)_) \
( \ \ o| \|_
\| )_o| (__\
_/| /.__| _/ \__
_(_// /|\\ \ ||\.\
/ \|/ \ \_____\
'-..___.'
\ |/
\ |
.')|
( / |
/.\ |
(_ \ )|
) -/ )
mrf-'_/|
>Expensive Hotel
During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the
middle of the night with an upset stomach.
I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at
the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "I
know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!"
"The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly
explained. "I believe you are complaining about your room number."
-<>-
>Military Time
My wife never quite got the hang of the 24-hour military clock. One day
she called the orderly room to speak with me. The person who answered
told her to call me at the extension in the band rehearsal hall.
"He can be reached at 4700, Ma'am," the soldier advised.
With a sigh of exasperation, my wife responded, "And just what time is
that?"
-<>-
>Nail Biting
Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For one
woman, it's biting her fingernails.
One day she told her husband about the latest solution: press-on nails.
"Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the
box."
-<>-
>Sick in Bed
A 13-year-old boy, was sick in bed with bronchitis, and although he
showed some general improvement, his harsh cough persisted and could be
heard all over the house.
Worried that he was missing so much school, his mother went into his
room to see how he felt.
There he was, propped up in bed, earphones on, listening to a baseball
game, while the tape recorder coughed on and on.
The next morning he was in school.
-<>-
>Speed of Learning
Instructor: "Isn't it remarkable how quickly the kids learn to drive
the car?"
Parent: "Yes, especially considering how slowly they catch on to
running the lawnmower and vacuum cleaner."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
980819
,="=-.
,`'oo' \o`.
( .88 |^||^)) )
, ) ) `@ (@' (.
( ` , `C ' ) `)
`-=' ,/ ._c/ `-='
,-( `-.,')-.
gpyy `( )
`' '`
>SMILES
On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked,
"How will that help?"
--------
>THOROUGHLY CLEAN TOILET
Lift both lids and add shampoo.
Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.
In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both
lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape.
The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds.
(Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this)
Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse,
which is quite effective.
Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet
as possible and quickly lift both lids.
Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors,
where he will air dry.
Sincerely,
The Dog
-------
One of our patients wasn't taking any chances. Prior to her
operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon...
"Take your time," "Don't cut yourself," "No need to rush,"
"Wash your hands..."
After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed, we
discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the doctor,
"Has anyone seen my wristwatch?"
--------
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about
a new computer. The training officer said the computer was
able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.
Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee
and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room!
You'll have to get rid of that coffee."
The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"
"Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."
--------
This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting
clothes, jewelry, etc., but he was not too well off.
One day his wife came home with a diamond necklace.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."
The next night she came home with a mink coat.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."
The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz.
The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"
His wife replied: "Look!! Don't keep asking where
I get my things!! Go upstairs and run my bath for me!!"
His wife came upstairs to find a small amount of water in
the bath.T he wife asked: "How come you put so little water
in the tub?"The guy replied: "I didn't want you to get your
bingo card wet."
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
______
_\ _~-\___
= = ==(____AA____D
\_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._
/ o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_
`~-.__ ___..----.. )
`---~~\___________/------------`````
= ===(_________D
-Roland
>Gems from Air Traffic Control
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles ..."
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
=================
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
=================
A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end
of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a
right at the lights and return to the airport."
=================
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English.
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
=========================
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the
Cherokee
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with
a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like
yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
=========================
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air
flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air
crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the heck are you going? I told you to turn
right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop
right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference
between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now
shouting hysterically:
"Geesh! Now you've messed everything up! It'll take forever
to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I
tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in
about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell
you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air
2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell
terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody
wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
current state of mind.
Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely
running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
---
...LMAO! Great ones! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
_=,_
o_/6 /#\
\__ |##/
='|--\
/ #'-.
\#|_ _'-. /
|/ \_( # |"
snd C/ ,--___/
A farmer had some puppies that he
needed to sell. He painted a sign
advertising the 4 pups and set about
nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard.
As he was driving the last nail into the post,
he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down
into the eyes of a little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy
one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed
the sweat off the back of his neck,
"These puppies come from fine parents
and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his pocket,
he pulled out a handful of change
and held it up to the farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that
enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that
he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp
ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against
the chain link fence. His eyes danced
with delight. As the dogs made their way
to the fence, the little boy noticed something
else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared, this one
noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid.
Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little
pup began hobbling toward the others, doing
its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said,
pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt
down at the boy's side and said,
"Son, you don't want that puppy.
He will never be able to run and play
with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back
from the fence, reached down, and
began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace
running down both sides of his leg
attaching itself to a specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said,
"You see sir, I don't run too well myself,
and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached
down and picked up the little pup.
Holding it carefully, he handed it to
the little boy..
"How much?" asked the little boy...
"No charge," answered the farmer,
"There's no charge for love."
The world is full of people who need
someone who understands...
-<>-
.---
/ # o
\,__>
.o-'-'--._
/ |\_ '.
| | \ -, \
\ / \__| ) |
'|_____[)) |,/
|===H=|\ >>
\ __,| \_\
\/ \ \_\
|\ | \/
| \ \ \\
| \ | \\
|__|\ ,-ooD \\
|--\_(\.-' \o
snd '-.__)
>THE WORLD IS MINE - Joy Lovelet Crawford
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful
woman and wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch. But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad. If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you. You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street, I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play, but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said, "Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word. I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go..
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
If this poem makes you feel thankful,
just forward it to your friends.
After all, it's just a simple reminder
that we have so much to be thankful for!
Give the gift of love. It never comes back empty!
I have been truly blessed with AWESOME FRIENDS LIKE YOU!
---
...Awww, such sweet classics! Thanks Linda!
(Welcome back sweet friend! :)
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
Dude, don't bogart the tighty whities! So getting drugs
in prison isn't easy. If it were there wouldn't be such
a thing as toilet wine. But inmates still manage to get
drugs in sometimes, and they get pretty clever about it,
too.
One Kentucky inmate lit upon the idea of soaking his
underwear in methadone.
Michael Jones, 55, was let out of Jessamine County
Detention Center on a court-ordered furlough to attend a
funeral. He must have thought he was pretty clever when
he came up with the idea to smuggle the drugs back into
prison in his underwear.
Police say Jones cut up the briefs and shared them with
his fellow inmates, including 33-year-old Corey McQueary.
McQueary must have gotten more than his fair share of the
briefs because officers found him unresponsive in his
cell. He was pronounced dead later that day. An autopsy
report has not been released, but police suspect he died
of an opiate overdose.
"When somebody comes in the facility either from a
furlough or any other occurrence, they're searched, their
clothing's searched, strip searched, any other type of
search that we feel is necessary," prison jailer Jon
Sallee said. "If something is in their garment and it's
colorless, odorless, it would be very difficult, almost
impossible, to detect from the naked eye."
My question is, of course, how are the drugs consumed?
The only way I can imagine is chewing or sucking on the
underwear. Now I have never been a drug user, but I can't
imagine the craving would be so bad that I would chew on
some man's sweaty undies. Now if it was a women's prison...
-<>-
Nothing to see here, citizen. The strange lights hanging in
the sky over Camp Pendleton in California are nothing more
than a "training exercise" according to officials.
Residents across Orange County and as far away as Riverside
County have called police to report alarming lights in the
sky.
Police have been flooded with calls.
CalFire has even put out an alert for officers so they would
know how to respond to people’s concerns.
No information has been given on how the lights are being
utilized by the base, only that they are involved in a
training exercise.
An advisory was issued by Camp Pendleton officials last week
about the live-fire training exercise and warned neighboring
cities may hear an increase of noise levels during the
exercise.
*-- Florida woman calls 911 repeatedly while drunk looking
for lost dog --*
JUPITER, Fla. (UPI) - A South Florida woman's search for
her lost pooch landed her behind bars. The Sun-Sentinel
reports 38-year old Rebekah Altieri took her dog to a
Jupiter, Fla., bar. The dog then took off when Altieri
got drunk. So she did what any dog owner does; she called
police to report the dog missing. Here's the catch: Jupiter
Police were already at the bar. A bartender had called them
to report an intoxicated patron. That intoxicated patron?
Altieri. The arrest report said she was upset about her
dog running away and started throwing chairs. That's when
the bartender carried her out of the bar and tried to call
her a cab, which she reportedly refused, Jupiter police
said. When police got to the bar, they tried to get her
to call a cab or a friend for a ride home. But instead
Altieri called 911. Officers told her not to call 911
again, but the arrest report shows she did anyway. Police
were not able to find the lost dog and the report shows
she was too drunk to give a description of her precious
pooch. She was charged with drunk and disorderly conduct
and misuse of 911.
*-- Red-haired Scot uses 'Ginger Discount Card' to get
better prices --*
ABERDEEN, Scotland (UPI) - A red-haired Scot has been
saving money using a well-made, but obviously fake,
"Ginger Discount Card" for over four years. When Richard
Macrae turned 26, a friend gave him a laminated orange
card with his picture and personal information below the
words "Ginger Discount Card." Four years later, Macrae,
who's grown to resemble a red-headed Guy Fawkes, regularly
uses the card to save money on everything from drinks to
transportation. "I ask if they do the ginger discount,
and when they look confused I slide across my card," the
30-year-old explained to The Scotsman. "Usually everyone
gets the humor behind it, some people look confused and
wonder if it's real which is always a laugh, but most get
the joke. I've saved a couple of hundred pounds maybe,
with money off booze, taxis, food and club entries -- over
four years it fairly builds up." Macrae says he never asks
for a discount once the joke has been told, but it "opens
folk up to a bit of banter back and forth," adding, "any
money off is always handy." "I thought it was really funny
and unique as I had never seen anyone try to use something
like that before," said charmed 24-year-old server Kirsty
Davidson of the Illicit Still. "I gave him 20 per cent
food and drink discount as he was also in for food at the
time. I decided it was all in good fun and he was a bit
of a chancer."
*-- British man fakes kidnapping to party without girlfriend --*
BOLTON, England - A man in England was fined for wasting
police time after telling his girlfriend he was kidnapped
so he could stay at a party with his friends. The unnamed
man told his girlfriend he was being held in a house in
Bolton, England until he repaid £50 to the fabricated
captor. The man's understandably panicked girlfriend
called the police to report the fictional crime, launching
a very costly manhunt that even led to an unnecessary
arrest. "Considerable resources and time then went into
finding this man, who it transpires made the entire thing
up so he could stay out and party," Detective Inspector
Jo Clawson said in a statement. "This is without doubt
one of the most foolish and irresponsible incidents I have
been involved in ... Significant resources were taken off
the front line on a Friday night, which is without
exception one of the busiest times of the week." Over a
dozen officers executed a neighborhood search, knocking on
doors and combing through CCTV footage. The "missing" man
was eventually discovered at a party around 1:30 a.m.
Saturday morning. Rather an arrest him, the man was fined
on the spot and will forever have a criminal record for
trying to have night without his girlfriend. "We feel we
have wasted enough time and resources on him already and
not only has he been fined, this matter will be recorded
as a criminal conviction on his record."
*-- British grandma finds dead mouse in Kellogg's Cornflakes --*
PORTSMOUTH, England (UPI) - A horrified woman in England
discovered a dead mouse in a box Kellogg's Crunchy Nut
Cornflakes, prompting her to swear off the brand forever.
Fifty-year-old Pauline Henderson was only trying to serve
breakfast to her grandson, Toby, when she noticed something
much different than a prize fall from a freshly-unsealed
box of cereal. "In the morning I poured some into a bowl
for him and noticed something black covered in the
corkflakes," Henderson told the Daily Mirror. "Then I saw
the mouse. It was horrible and I felt absolutely sick ...
Goodness knows how long the mouse was in the box or if it
was dead or alive when it went in." Kellogg's in
investigating the incident, and says this is a first for
the popular cereal manufacturer. "We are carrying out a
full investigation to identify if and how this occurred
as it hasn't happened before," a spokesperson said, adding,
"We take food safety extremely seriously and carry out
regular quality checks in our factories." Kellogg's offered
to replace the box, but Henderson said she'll pass. "I
spoke to Kellogg's and they asked me if I wanted another
box and I said 'no I do not' ... It's put me off buying
any Crunchy Nut ever again."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
>Smiles
|> |>
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|' |'
|> |> |>
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|| || ||
|| ||====||
||==========='\
' ||
`-========++======='\
.:`||`;.
.:` || ';.
.:` || ';.
_,:` || `;'` gpyy
A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table
had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter
said "Chopsticks are provided only on request." "But," the man
countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn't have
to pay someone to wash all the forks." "True," the waiter shot back,
"but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess."
-------
At an Easter mass, at which some young ladies
were to take their finals vows to become nuns,
the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter
the church just before the mass began.
They were seated at the back of the sanctuary
and insisted on sitting on the right side of the
center aisle.
The bishop wondered why they had come but
didn't have time to inquire before the mass began.
When it came time for some announcements,
his curiosity got the best of him. He announced
that he was delighted to see two rabbis in their
midst at the mass but, was curious as to why
they were present at this occasion where the
young ladies were to become the "brides of
Christ."
The eldest of the rabbis slowly rose to his feet
and explained, "Family of the Groom."
-------
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>Technologically Challenged Senior
At a certain age, everyone will understand this poor guy . . .
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all
without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and
communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids,
their spouses, 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate
with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple
as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grand kids hooked me up for Tweeter,
Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck,
Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and
every other program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything
except the bowel movements of the entire next generation.
I am not ready to live like this.
I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get
lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library.
I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red]
phone I am supposed to use when I drive.
I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to
my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me.
Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and I got a little
loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady
inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long
time..
Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You
would think that she could be nicer.
It was like she could barely tolerate me.
She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at
the next light.
Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the
cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as
Gypsy, the GSP lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the
cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still
haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to
run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the
dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me.
They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store.
You would think they could settle on something themselves but this
sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a
loop.
I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused,
but I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I
just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.."
Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.
"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life.
Be happy now. Don't wait for something
outside of yourself to make you happy in
the future.
Think how really precious is
the time you have to spend, whether it's
at work or with your family.
Every minute should be enjoyed and savored."
~ Earl Nightingale ~
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
- .
_,-`.
-' _/ / -__
\ _/ \( }
\/ ,%
/ \ %`\__ .--.
\ %_ __ : ) ):
\ ( _|-.) `._(.
\ |_\ (| _____
\ `\ \,' =_____------_____
\ (/ =-----______------=
ejm \ / =_____------______=
`'- =------______-----=
----=
Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the
beach. When I went back to our room to get something to
drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed
my cooler, but not being sure of the hotel rules I stopped
at the door and asked the maid, "Can we drink beer on the
beach?"
"Sure," the maid replied, "but I have to finish the rest of
the rooms first."
-<>-
My ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was
becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which
Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King
James Virgin?"
-<>-
>What The New Job-Lingo Really Means
** JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY - We have no time to train you.
** CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that
you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear
earrings.
** MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED - You'll be six months behind
schedule on your first day.
** SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED - Some time each night and some time
each weekend.
** DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
** MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL - We have no quality control.
** CAREER-MINDED - Female applicants must be childless (and
remain that way).
** NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE - We've filled the job; our call for
resumes is just a legal formality.
** SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE -
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
** PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST - You're walking into a
company in perpetual chaos.
** REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS - You'll have the
responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
** GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS - Management communicates, you
listen, figure out what they want and do it.
-<>-
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little
mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the
hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air
and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff
the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way.
So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....MOLASSES!"
-<>-
When his auto mechanic came in for a operation, Dr. Grimley
couldn't help but take the opportunity to turn the tables on
him.
"Well Frank," said the doctor, "It's going to take at least
five days for the parts to get in. As for the cost, there's
no way to tell until we get in there and see exactly what
the problem is..."
-<>-
The woman said to her beautician as she sat down for her
appointment, "When you're finished with me, will my husband
think I'm beautiful?"
"Maybe," replied beautician, "does he still drink a lot?"
=========================================================
>From The MouthPiece:
'\ . . |>18>>
\ . ' . |
O>> . 'o |
\ . |
/\ . |
/ / .' |
jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>GOLF DEFINED
GOLF, n.
1. A game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by
disappointment and bad arithmetic.
2. A game of opposites - the world's slowest people are
ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.
3. A colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the
pink, and financially in the red.
4. A game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under
blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the
law, but a form of moral effort.
5. A game a lot like taxation - you drive hard to get to
the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.
GOLF CART, n.
1. A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a
caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.
GOLFER, n.
1. A person who yells "fore," takes six, and puts down
five;
2. A guy who has the advantage over a fisherman - he
doesn't have to bring home anything when he brags he
had a great day.
-<>-
_________________
/ _ /|
/ / / ####### //
/ /_/ ####### // KDDR
/ ______________ //
==============='
>How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well
as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast,
because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost over-
night.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In
this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the
earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because
they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale
lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've
weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at
least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the
scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding
onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other
foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this
takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two
pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Awesome Bikes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html
Extreme Homes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html
Auto MotorPlex!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html
Extreme Camping!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html
Luxury Golf Carts!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html
Tour Inside Of Google!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/insidegoogle.html
Miniature Wonderland!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html
John Scapes' Basement!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html
Expensive Hotel Rooms!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html
Attitude Is Everything 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude3.html
Classic Chevy Collection!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Victor :)
A nice video on God from the Actor from the show
King of Queens - Kevin James - check it here...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghL0CCt3Lzc
---
...Wow! So impressive! SWEET! Thanks Victor!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
She sent us funny ones we have here...
Did You See That?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html
Buy A Dog!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buyadog.html
---
...LOL! Love these! Thanks Linda!
Low Tide
http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=5732&memberid=747728
---
...cool! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
She sent us one we have here
Seven Wonders of the World
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wonders.html
---
...Such a sweet reminder! Thanks Louise!
Cat & Dog Video
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wonders.html
When this pastor walked out on stage at Britain's Got Talent, Simon
Cowell wasn't sure what to expect.See what Simon said and watch the
performance that made him take it all back.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=h_Z0mlwcfD8
This is the opening ceremony for the Chinese Youth Olympics of 2014,
held in Nanjing. A hundred acrobats, with the help of hundreds of rope
pullers, dance in the sky, exploding into sudden movements like human
fireworks. What an incredible performance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8oqPR5-GLuA
---
...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :}
Stay Calm Dad
http://www.maniacworld.com/stay-calm-dad.html
---
...Awww, so adorable! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
i can dance
http://tinyurl.com/kfckb3p
---
...Fun! An oldie Goldie! Thanks Wesley!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"It's Labor Day weekend. Labor Day, of course, is a holiday
where people take three days off from being unemployed."
-Dave Letterman
"Not quite as good news for the pet supply chain PetSmart,
which may soon be sold to a larger company. Or as they told
their employees, 'Your jobs are going to a farm upstate.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"In China, an animal trainer taught his monkeys Kung fu, and
then they attacked him using his best kung fu moves. Luckily,
they were no match for the parrot he'd taught to fire a gun."
-Conan O'Brien
"Chinese authorities have seized 30,000 tons of what? Chicken
feet. Because they're tainted. Well, there goes my cookout."
-Dave Letterman
"According to an anthropologist from the University of
Hawaii, who spent years studying this, Hello Kitty is not
actually a cat. I hope the anthropologist was studying other
stuff, too." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study found that having a big wedding boosts your
chance of having a good marriage. While having a destination
wedding boosts your chance of having friends who hate you."
-Jimmy Fallon
"Year, (noun) A period of three hundred and sixty-five dis-
appointments." --Ambrose Bierce's DEVIL'S DICTIONARY
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of
a good example." --Mark Twain
"A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and
then quietly strangled." --Barnett Cocks
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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