Labor Day Smiles... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This Scorcher is from our friend Karen. It gave me a few laughs and goodness knows we all could use some of those! Check out this cute one here... .-'-. /` |__ ____ /` _.--`-,-` .---. `\ '-|` a '<-. 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"# / >###"" .=-+###" d###"`-._ .' |#" ,d## d### ##" `+. / d### d### #" \ .d8#o. / ###" ## \ | .' ### `. | ##" "# .'`. | /#b _# =# d\ \ "# __.--' ; `-.____/ (###b \#8 ##\ `.___..---'| ; | "##8/ \" d###\ hjw |=-""###| ; | `" \=##" ; |8#b "#/ ; / | =##| ;####b= / ; | |,#=,_| /""" | ; ; |#####| |_ -=##/ ; | | ,-=| |##b / ; / |_.d##| ;###=/ ; / |#####| | __ `. ; /. |`""""| /d####=- \ ; / b. | =##"\ /########= \ ; | ###-. \",=___\ _.,/##"" -==\ | ####" `. \####""8b#" #/ _d#8##b d"| / ###" #\ `#" ### ##|_d###""""8###| / #" _,"###| `.##" ###.\_.= _____ /-.'#, -=######/ `---""" `-. __####.'.' _d8' .-" "-< ( --'--._ .' .----._`.`-. `. | ,' \| `-. \ \( .' `---....__.' `---"""' *~* We Had A Super Tremendous Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month! >Be Sure To Share These With Your Friends :) Tree Trunk Art 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trunkart2.html Rare Historical Photos! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historyphotos.html Beautiful Wolves! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolves.html A Little Froggy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frogart.html World's Largest Monastic Library! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/library.html Only In Australia! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html Fairy Pot Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/potart.html Elephant Rescue 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant2.html * May God Abundantly Bless All Our Sweet Contributors! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Acts 2:38 This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote scripture. So, she holds up a hand and says, "ACTS 2:38!!!" _______ The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes / /_ to the point that she is able to get to the / -/- / / phone and call 911 for the cops. When the / / / / cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in /_______/ / place. They are very much surprised that a jgs ((______| / woman alone with no weapon could do this. `"""""""` One of them asked the lady, "How did you do this?" The woman replied, "I quoted scripture." The cop turned the burglar, "What was it about the scripture that had such an effect on you?" The burglar replied, "Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day, the first woman telephone operator September 2 is National Beheading Day September 3 is Skyscraper Day September 4 is Newspaper Carrier Day September 5 is Be Late for Something Day and Cheese Pizza Day September is 6 Fight Procrastination Day and Read a Book Day September 7 Grandparent's Day and Neither Rain nor Snow Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _____ \/\ | . ()))))))/ ((/ \))))) ((),>(((( )\__ )) ( __\((__ / )\/\,\ /.|/ _)_) \ ( \ \ o| \|_ \| )_o| (__\ _/| /.__| _/ \__ _(_// /|\\ \ ||\.\ / \|/ \ \_____\ '-..___.' \ |/ \ | .')| ( / | /.\ | (_ \ )| ) -/ ) mrf-'_/| >Expensive Hotel During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly explained. "I believe you are complaining about your room number." -<>- >Military Time My wife never quite got the hang of the 24-hour military clock. One day she called the orderly room to speak with me. The person who answered told her to call me at the extension in the band rehearsal hall. "He can be reached at 4700, Ma'am," the soldier advised. With a sigh of exasperation, my wife responded, "And just what time is that?" -<>- >Nail Biting Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For one woman, it's biting her fingernails. One day she told her husband about the latest solution: press-on nails. "Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box." -<>- >Sick in Bed A 13-year-old boy, was sick in bed with bronchitis, and although he showed some general improvement, his harsh cough persisted and could be heard all over the house. Worried that he was missing so much school, his mother went into his room to see how he felt. There he was, propped up in bed, earphones on, listening to a baseball game, while the tape recorder coughed on and on. The next morning he was in school. -<>- >Speed of Learning Instructor: "Isn't it remarkable how quickly the kids learn to drive the car?" Parent: "Yes, especially considering how slowly they catch on to running the lawnmower and vacuum cleaner." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) 980819 ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` >SMILES On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?" -------- >THOROUGHLY CLEAN TOILET Lift both lids and add shampoo. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this) Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry. Sincerely, The Dog ------- One of our patients wasn't taking any chances. Prior to her operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon... "Take your time," "Don't cut yourself," "No need to rush," "Wash your hands..." After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed, we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the doctor, "Has anyone seen my wristwatch?" -------- Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard." -------- This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting clothes, jewelry, etc., but he was not too well off. One day his wife came home with a diamond necklace. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?" His wife replied: "I won it at bingo." The next night she came home with a mink coat. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?" His wife replied: "I won it at bingo." The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?" His wife replied: "Look!! Don't keep asking where I get my things!! Go upstairs and run my bath for me!!" His wife came upstairs to find a small amount of water in the bath.T he wife asked: "How come you put so little water in the tub?"The guy replied: "I didn't want you to get your bingo card wet." --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland >Gems from Air Traffic Control Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles ..." Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ================= "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" ================= A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." ================= A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English. Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war." ========================= One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one." ========================= While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the heck are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "Geesh! Now you've messed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?" --- ...LMAO! Great ones! Thanks Linda! -<>- _=,_ o_/6 /#\ \__ |##/ ='|--\ / #'-. \#|_ _'-. / |/ \_( # |" snd C/ ,--___/ A farmer had some puppies that he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy. "Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?" "Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up... "I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would." With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands." With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully, he handed it to the little boy.. "How much?" asked the little boy... "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love." The world is full of people who need someone who understands... -<>- .--- / # o \,__> .o-'-'--._ / |\_ '. | | \ -, \ \ / \__| ) | '|_____[)) |,/ |===H=|\ >> \ __,| \_\ \/ \ \_\ |\ | \/ | \ \ \\ | \ | \\ |__|\ ,-ooD \\ |--\_(\.-' \o snd '-.__) >THE WORLD IS MINE - Joy Lovelet Crawford Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman and wished I were as beautiful. When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle. She had one leg and used a crutch. But as she passed, she passed a smile. Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I have two legs; the world is mine. I stopped to buy some candy. The lad who sold it had such charm. I talked with him, he seemed so glad. If I were late, it'd do no harm. And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you, you've been so kind. It's nice to talk with folks like you. You see," he said, "I'm blind." Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I have two eyes; the world is mine. Later while walking down the street, I saw a child I knew. He stood and watched the others play, but he did not know what to do. I stopped a moment and then I said, "Why don't you join them dear?" He looked ahead without a word. I forgot, he couldn't hear. Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I have two ears; the world is mine. With feet to take me where I'd go.. With eyes to see the sunset's glow. With ears to hear what I'd know. Oh, God, forgive me when I whine. I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine. If this poem makes you feel thankful, just forward it to your friends. After all, it's just a simple reminder that we have so much to be thankful for! Give the gift of love. It never comes back empty! I have been truly blessed with AWESOME FRIENDS LIKE YOU! --- ...Awww, such sweet classics! Thanks Linda! (Welcome back sweet friend! :) ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Dude, don't bogart the tighty whities! So getting drugs in prison isn't easy. If it were there wouldn't be such a thing as toilet wine. But inmates still manage to get drugs in sometimes, and they get pretty clever about it, too. One Kentucky inmate lit upon the idea of soaking his underwear in methadone. Michael Jones, 55, was let out of Jessamine County Detention Center on a court-ordered furlough to attend a funeral. He must have thought he was pretty clever when he came up with the idea to smuggle the drugs back into prison in his underwear. Police say Jones cut up the briefs and shared them with his fellow inmates, including 33-year-old Corey McQueary. McQueary must have gotten more than his fair share of the briefs because officers found him unresponsive in his cell. He was pronounced dead later that day. An autopsy report has not been released, but police suspect he died of an opiate overdose. "When somebody comes in the facility either from a furlough or any other occurrence, they're searched, their clothing's searched, strip searched, any other type of search that we feel is necessary," prison jailer Jon Sallee said. "If something is in their garment and it's colorless, odorless, it would be very difficult, almost impossible, to detect from the naked eye." My question is, of course, how are the drugs consumed? The only way I can imagine is chewing or sucking on the underwear. Now I have never been a drug user, but I can't imagine the craving would be so bad that I would chew on some man's sweaty undies. Now if it was a women's prison... -<>- Nothing to see here, citizen. The strange lights hanging in the sky over Camp Pendleton in California are nothing more than a "training exercise" according to officials. Residents across Orange County and as far away as Riverside County have called police to report alarming lights in the sky. Police have been flooded with calls. CalFire has even put out an alert for officers so they would know how to respond to people’s concerns. No information has been given on how the lights are being utilized by the base, only that they are involved in a training exercise. An advisory was issued by Camp Pendleton officials last week about the live-fire training exercise and warned neighboring cities may hear an increase of noise levels during the exercise. *-- Florida woman calls 911 repeatedly while drunk looking for lost dog --* JUPITER, Fla. (UPI) - A South Florida woman's search for her lost pooch landed her behind bars. The Sun-Sentinel reports 38-year old Rebekah Altieri took her dog to a Jupiter, Fla., bar. The dog then took off when Altieri got drunk. So she did what any dog owner does; she called police to report the dog missing. Here's the catch: Jupiter Police were already at the bar. A bartender had called them to report an intoxicated patron. That intoxicated patron? Altieri. The arrest report said she was upset about her dog running away and started throwing chairs. That's when the bartender carried her out of the bar and tried to call her a cab, which she reportedly refused, Jupiter police said. When police got to the bar, they tried to get her to call a cab or a friend for a ride home. But instead Altieri called 911. Officers told her not to call 911 again, but the arrest report shows she did anyway. Police were not able to find the lost dog and the report shows she was too drunk to give a description of her precious pooch. She was charged with drunk and disorderly conduct and misuse of 911. *-- Red-haired Scot uses 'Ginger Discount Card' to get better prices --* ABERDEEN, Scotland (UPI) - A red-haired Scot has been saving money using a well-made, but obviously fake, "Ginger Discount Card" for over four years. When Richard Macrae turned 26, a friend gave him a laminated orange card with his picture and personal information below the words "Ginger Discount Card." Four years later, Macrae, who's grown to resemble a red-headed Guy Fawkes, regularly uses the card to save money on everything from drinks to transportation. "I ask if they do the ginger discount, and when they look confused I slide across my card," the 30-year-old explained to The Scotsman. "Usually everyone gets the humor behind it, some people look confused and wonder if it's real which is always a laugh, but most get the joke. I've saved a couple of hundred pounds maybe, with money off booze, taxis, food and club entries -- over four years it fairly builds up." Macrae says he never asks for a discount once the joke has been told, but it "opens folk up to a bit of banter back and forth," adding, "any money off is always handy." "I thought it was really funny and unique as I had never seen anyone try to use something like that before," said charmed 24-year-old server Kirsty Davidson of the Illicit Still. "I gave him 20 per cent food and drink discount as he was also in for food at the time. I decided it was all in good fun and he was a bit of a chancer." *-- British man fakes kidnapping to party without girlfriend --* BOLTON, England - A man in England was fined for wasting police time after telling his girlfriend he was kidnapped so he could stay at a party with his friends. The unnamed man told his girlfriend he was being held in a house in Bolton, England until he repaid £50 to the fabricated captor. The man's understandably panicked girlfriend called the police to report the fictional crime, launching a very costly manhunt that even led to an unnecessary arrest. "Considerable resources and time then went into finding this man, who it transpires made the entire thing up so he could stay out and party," Detective Inspector Jo Clawson said in a statement. "This is without doubt one of the most foolish and irresponsible incidents I have been involved in ... Significant resources were taken off the front line on a Friday night, which is without exception one of the busiest times of the week." Over a dozen officers executed a neighborhood search, knocking on doors and combing through CCTV footage. The "missing" man was eventually discovered at a party around 1:30 a.m. Saturday morning. Rather an arrest him, the man was fined on the spot and will forever have a criminal record for trying to have night without his girlfriend. "We feel we have wasted enough time and resources on him already and not only has he been fined, this matter will be recorded as a criminal conviction on his record." *-- British grandma finds dead mouse in Kellogg's Cornflakes --* PORTSMOUTH, England (UPI) - A horrified woman in England discovered a dead mouse in a box Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, prompting her to swear off the brand forever. Fifty-year-old Pauline Henderson was only trying to serve breakfast to her grandson, Toby, when she noticed something much different than a prize fall from a freshly-unsealed box of cereal. "In the morning I poured some into a bowl for him and noticed something black covered in the corkflakes," Henderson told the Daily Mirror. "Then I saw the mouse. It was horrible and I felt absolutely sick ... Goodness knows how long the mouse was in the box or if it was dead or alive when it went in." Kellogg's in investigating the incident, and says this is a first for the popular cereal manufacturer. "We are carrying out a full investigation to identify if and how this occurred as it hasn't happened before," a spokesperson said, adding, "We take food safety extremely seriously and carry out regular quality checks in our factories." Kellogg's offered to replace the box, but Henderson said she'll pass. "I spoke to Kellogg's and they asked me if I wanted another box and I said 'no I do not' ... It's put me off buying any Crunchy Nut ever again." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) >Smiles |> |> `-====++=====++===='\ |' |' |> |> |> `-==++==++====++==='\ || || || || ||====|| ||==========='\ ' || `-========++======='\ .:`||`;. .:` || ';. .:` || ';. _,:` || `;'` gpyy A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said "Chopsticks are provided only on request." "But," the man countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn't have to pay someone to wash all the forks." "True," the waiter shot back, "but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess." ------- At an Easter mass, at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter the church just before the mass began. They were seated at the back of the sanctuary and insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The bishop wondered why they had come but didn't have time to inquire before the mass began. When it came time for some announcements, his curiosity got the best of him. He announced that he was delighted to see two rabbis in their midst at the mass but, was curious as to why they were present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "brides of Christ." The eldest of the rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom." ------- _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >Technologically Challenged Senior At a certain age, everyone will understand this poor guy . . . I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. That was before one of my grand kids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world. My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag. The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and I got a little loud. I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time.. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good. When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GSP lady, at least she loves me. To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me. Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. "Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored." ~ Earl Nightingale ~ --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: - . _,-`. -' _/ / -__ \ _/ \( } \/ ,% / \ %`\__ .--. \ %_ __ : ) ): \ ( _|-.) `._(. \ |_\ (| _____ \ `\ \,' =_____------_____ \ (/ =-----______------= ejm \ / =_____------______= `'- =------______-----= ----= Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler, but not being sure of the hotel rules I stopped at the door and asked the maid, "Can we drink beer on the beach?" "Sure," the maid replied, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first." -<>- My ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" -<>- >What The New Job-Lingo Really Means ** JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY - We have no time to train you. ** CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. ** MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. ** SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED - Some time each night and some time each weekend. ** DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around. ** MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL - We have no quality control. ** CAREER-MINDED - Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way). ** NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. ** SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE - You'll need it to replace three people who just left. ** PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. ** REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. ** GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. -<>- A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....MOLASSES!" -<>- When his auto mechanic came in for a operation, Dr. Grimley couldn't help but take the opportunity to turn the tables on him. "Well Frank," said the doctor, "It's going to take at least five days for the parts to get in. As for the cost, there's no way to tell until we get in there and see exactly what the problem is..." -<>- The woman said to her beautician as she sat down for her appointment, "When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful?" "Maybe," replied beautician, "does he still drink a lot?" ========================================================= >From The MouthPiece: '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >GOLF DEFINED GOLF, n. 1. A game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic. 2. A game of opposites - the world's slowest people are ahead of you, and the fastest are behind. 3. A colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the pink, and financially in the red. 4. A game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the law, but a form of moral effort. 5. A game a lot like taxation - you drive hard to get to the green, and then you find yourself in a hole. GOLF CART, n. 1. A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker. GOLFER, n. 1. A person who yells "fore," takes six, and puts down five; 2. A guy who has the advantage over a fisherman - he doesn't have to bring home anything when he brags he had a great day. -<>- _________________ / _ /| / / / ####### // / /_/ ####### // KDDR / ______________ // ===============' >How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale 1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost over- night. 2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair. 3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound. 4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage. 5. Always go to the bathroom first. 6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter. 7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course. 8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully). 9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?). 10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Awesome Bikes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Extreme Homes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html Auto MotorPlex! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html Extreme Camping! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Luxury Golf Carts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html Tour Inside Of Google! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/insidegoogle.html Miniature Wonderland! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html John Scapes' Basement! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html Expensive Hotel Rooms! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Attitude Is Everything 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude3.html Classic Chevy Collection! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html -<>- >From Our Friend Victor :) A nice video on God from the Actor from the show King of Queens - Kevin James - check it here... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghL0CCt3Lzc --- ...Wow! So impressive! SWEET! Thanks Victor! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us funny ones we have here... Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Buy A Dog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buyadog.html --- ...LOL! Love these! Thanks Linda! Low Tide http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=5732&memberid=747728 --- ...cool! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) She sent us one we have here Seven Wonders of the World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wonders.html --- ...Such a sweet reminder! Thanks Louise! Cat & Dog Video http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wonders.html When this pastor walked out on stage at Britain's Got Talent, Simon Cowell wasn't sure what to expect.See what Simon said and watch the performance that made him take it all back. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=h_Z0mlwcfD8 This is the opening ceremony for the Chinese Youth Olympics of 2014, held in Nanjing. A hundred acrobats, with the help of hundreds of rope pullers, dance in the sky, exploding into sudden movements like human fireworks. What an incredible performance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8oqPR5-GLuA --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :} Stay Calm Dad http://www.maniacworld.com/stay-calm-dad.html --- ...Awww, so adorable! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) i can dance http://tinyurl.com/kfckb3p --- ...Fun! An oldie Goldie! Thanks Wesley! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It's Labor Day weekend. Labor Day, of course, is a holiday where people take three days off from being unemployed." -Dave Letterman "Not quite as good news for the pet supply chain PetSmart, which may soon be sold to a larger company. Or as they told their employees, 'Your jobs are going to a farm upstate.'" -Jimmy Fallon "In China, an animal trainer taught his monkeys Kung fu, and then they attacked him using his best kung fu moves. Luckily, they were no match for the parrot he'd taught to fire a gun." -Conan O'Brien "Chinese authorities have seized 30,000 tons of what? Chicken feet. Because they're tainted. Well, there goes my cookout." -Dave Letterman "According to an anthropologist from the University of Hawaii, who spent years studying this, Hello Kitty is not actually a cat. I hope the anthropologist was studying other stuff, too." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study found that having a big wedding boosts your chance of having a good marriage. While having a destination wedding boosts your chance of having friends who hate you." -Jimmy Fallon "Year, (noun) A period of three hundred and sixty-five dis- appointments." --Ambrose Bierce's DEVIL'S DICTIONARY "Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." --Mark Twain "A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled." --Barnett Cocks >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************