Learning About The World... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first Hot Scorcher is from our friends Linda and PatDeE. We had the hottest summer on record around my neck of the woods. This page shows you just how HOT it got! Check it our here... ,-----. / \--. | / \ `. \-+-',___/ \ \ \ \ ,--\/"""\"". `._ / \ \ \ _ `| ( \ o\o|.,--. `-' \ \`-;---'-'( #) `._ \ |\ `--/ \. \ ||,`. / \`..--.._ ||/ `===='. \/ _`.__|| .-. \ \ | / \ |'| `. ! | \ \_/ \_.') \ ! | ,"". . _/ \ / / ;`--'\ \ \ `-' | |`-< \ \ \ | |\ \,---. \ \ \,---. | |,---. `.\ \,---. `. > `. | | \ `.| ( | |-'-' ( | |' `-------'-' `-----'-' hjw Dog Days Of Summer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogdays.html --- ...LMAO! This is so adorably cute! Love it! Thanks Linda and PatDeE! This next hottie is from our friend Brenda. So beautiful and imaginative that I just had to share it with you! Check it out here... E _ \ o .|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|. \/() \cjr//\/'.'.'.'.'.'.\//\\//\/ \7] \__, \/\\//\\/'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'\//\\//\/<,] /==() .:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|. Germany's Chrysanthemum Festival http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/germanyfestival.html --- ...What a treat for the eyes! Thank You Brenda! -<>- *~* We Had A Fantastic Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month *~* Be sure to check these out and share them with all your loved ones! The Last Shot! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastshot.html Pets Being Pets! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petsbeingpets.html Upside Down House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/downhouse.html China's Craze For Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinadogs.html Akiane Prodigy 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy2.html Rainbow Eucalyptus Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainbowtree.html Political Humor 9! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics9.html Book Sculpture Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bookart.html Bruno's Fantasy Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fantasyart.html *~* THANKS & HUGGUMS THROUGH CHRIST TO ALL OUR SWEET CONTRIBUTORS! __ __ ,;::\::\ ,'/' `/'`/ _\,: '.,-'.-':. -./"' : : :\/, ::. ,:____;__; :- :" ( .`-*'o*',); I LOVE MY FRIENDS!! \.. ` `---'`' / `:._..- _.' ,; . `. /"'| | \ ::. ) : : |" ( \ | :.(_, : ; \'`-'_/ / `... , _,' |,| : | |`| | | |,| | | ,--.;`| | '..--. /;' "' ; '..--. )) \:.___(___ ) ))' SSt`-'-'' You Bless and enrich our life with your thoughtful sharing! =========================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: Learning About The World __T__I___...__7~ ,_ `"|-=||==|==|==| [_`'---...,____|"_||__|__|__|_ | `'---...__PHILOMENA D_______] jgs~^~-~^-^~^'----~^~---~---------~^---'`~^-^~~^-^~^ A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?" The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I Don't rightly know, son." The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son." Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" "Of course not son. If you don't ask questions,... you'll never learn anything!" ======================================================= *--------- Bizarre October Holidays ---------* October 1 is World Vegetarian Day and Magic Circles Day October 2 is Name Your Car Day October 3 is Virus Appreciation Day October 4 is National Golf Day October 5 is National Storytelling Festival October 6 is German-American Day and Come and Take It Day October 7 is National Frappe Day ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ___ ___ .d9969b d6966b. d66b'e( )a`d99b `d9p _/ \_ q6b' __/ (__ __) \__ _ / \_/ / \_/ {_) / / \ \ \__ / /\ _\ \ \____j`-. ).--|___/ hjw `-' '--' >The English Plural We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes; One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese; You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen ? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet ? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth ? Then one may be that, & three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose; And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother & also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his & him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis & shim ! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square; A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, Grocers don't groce & hammers don't ham ? Doesn't it seem crazy that ... you can make amends but not one amend ? If you have a bunch of odds and ends ... and get rid of all but one of them, What do you call it ? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught ? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat ? Sometimes I think all people who speak English Should be in an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital ? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship ... We have noses that run & feet that smell; We park in a driveway & drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance & a fat chance be the same, while a wise man & a wise guy are opposites ? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; In which you fill in a form by filling it out, & in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing .... If Father is Pop .... how come Mother's not Mop ? ? ? ? --- ...LOL! Love this! Thanks Linda! I think we have lots of different words for father because of what Jesus told us... , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Matt.23 [9] And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven. ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Brenda :) ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >A COWBOY NAMED ELMER A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly, then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Elmer," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Elmer" asked the Ranger. With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Elmer replied, "...The Balcony..." -<>- /())) //( oo (/|| _ \__ /||||/ '._-' / \ |\ / \ \ \_____ | \ \.___ /==, | ='.___/=. | ) '.______ | (______( | || snd |_|| _/ | |_\ '---'--' One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class... Teacher : What kind of wife would you like Johnny? Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon... Teacher : Wow !! what a choice...do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon? Johnny : No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning. -<>- The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "Is that when mommy came to work for us?" --- ...HaHa! Good ones! Thanks Brenda! =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend JoeL :) >VATICAN HUMOR _.--._ \ ** / (<>) . ) ( . )\_.._/ /\ \_.._/( (*_<>_ _<>_*) )/ '' \ \/ / '' \( ' ) ( ' ( ) ) ( (<>) / ** \ /.-..-.\ After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb. 'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?' 'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.' 'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.. 'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.... 'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. 'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph. 'So bust him,' says the Chief. 'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop. The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!' 'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence. The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?' Cop: 'Bigger.' Chief: ' A senator?' Cop: 'Bigger.' Chief: 'The Prime Minister?' Cop: 'Bigger.' 'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?' Cop: 'I think it's God!' The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?' Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!' --- ...LOL! Thanks JoeL! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Del :) ,-, ,**@**. /&&&-b\ / &&&/& \ / _!!_ \ / /]{ }[\ \ \| (~~~~) |/ /^\) (/^\ ( \\(@*)// ) ," (*@@*) ". / ,~(*@)~` \ ' ;: ' / : ; \ ' ;: ' ' : ' ' @ @ ': ,@. ,@. ;' ' '-=-' '-__-' '-=-' ' ' ' / \ ~=._ _,=~ `=-.__ __,-=' gpyy `-=.____,=-' >4th marriage A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?" The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil." The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?" "Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our honey moon hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again." "What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk. "That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened." --- ...LMAO! Thanks Del! ======================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Our Friend JoeL :) Candidate Taste Test - The Campaign - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a9mNsWZBKk&feature=relmfu Gassing Up with Obama - RightChange.com Politizoid - - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQAS7pIae-s&feature=relmfu --- ...Interesting! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: 41 Million Tea Party Supporters Set to Vote http://tinyurl.com/94xgowg >From CowboyByte: Ryan: Obama running on division distraction and distortion http://tinyurl.com/9kxxoyf -<>- >From ConservativeByte: Univision To Air 'Bombshell' Report On Operation Fast And Furious http://tinyurl.com/9te8tok -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is so much evil and stupidity in the world, sometimes it is therapeutic, uplifting even, to examine the nobler pursuits of man; like the annual North American Wife Carrying Championship in Newry, Maine. Yes, not only is this a real event, it's an international sport and part of the World Alternative Games. The object of the event is to carry your wife through a challenging open field course with plenty of mud, muck and water hazards. The origin of the sport was apparently inspired by the Finnish wife-carrying tradition and a 19th century character named Herkko Rosvo-Rankainen, who--as folklore has it --chose people for his marauding band of thieves based on how well they could carry wives away from the villages they plundered. The modern day version includes only willing participants, and the women don't even have to be married. To compete teams must be comprised of a man and a woman and be 21 years or older. The rules even allow for the woman to carry the man in case he gets exhausted. The best part of this heroic endeavor is that the winner, in addition to a cash prize, wins his wife's weight in beer. Now that is what I call a relationship-building exercise. *-- Former prison for sale in Pa. --* EBENSBURG, Pa. - A Pennsylvania municipality is seeking a buyer or tenant for a unique property -- the former county prison. The Ebensburg Borough Council said the back portion of the facility, which is newer than the front, is being used to house county records, but the front portion, which was the original Cambria County Prison, has been vacant for 15 years, WJAC-TV, Johnstown, Pa., reported Thursday. "If it wasn't the landmark that it is in town, if it wasn't on the national list of historic places, we still couldn't tear it down," Ebensburg Borough Manager Dan Penatzer said. "I think it's probably impossible to tear this building down." He said there are many different potential uses for the building. "A restaurant, a microbrewery, retail, offices, anything," Penatzer said. "There's so much crazy character about this building that could apply it to any business theme like that. I think there's a lot of possibi- lities." *-- Man had friend serve his prison sentence --* GOTHENBURG, Sweden - Swedish authorities said an internat- ional arrest warrant has been issued for a man who had a friend pose as him to avoid a prison term. Police said the 37-year-old Gothenburg man was sentenced to one year in prison in January 2008 after being convicted of charges including copyright infringement, breaking Swedish medical laws and handling smuggled goods, the Swedish news agency TT reported Thursday. However, the man was not held in remand in between being sentenced and the start of his prison term, and police said during that time he convinced a friend to serve the sentence for him. Investigators said the convict took out a driver's license bearing his own name and the picture of his friend to carry out the identity swap. Police said the other man had served the majority of the sentence by the time the ruse was discover- ed. The man was set free. "We were the victims of advanced con," said Ulf Jonson of the Swedish Prison and Probation Service. Police said an international arrest warrant has been issued for the convict, who is believed to have fled to the Philippines. *-- Swedes dance to protest dance license law --* STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Organizers of a Swedish demonstration said people danced in Stockholm's streets to protest a law requiring bars to obtain licenses to host dancing. Anders Varveus of the group Dance, Nonsense & Acceptance said more than 1,000 people gathered Saturday in Humlegarden park and listened to speeches from activists before dancing through the city toward the Tanto park, The Local.se reported Monday. The demonstrators, bearing signs with messages including "live, love, dance" and "dance or die," were protesting a law requiring owners of restaurants, bars and night clubs to obtain licenses before allowing patrons to dance. The businesses could face fines if customers are seek moving to music. Varveus described the law as "absurd, obsolete and deeply offensive." He said the licensing policy "infringes on our right to move freely." Varveus said his group is prepared if legislators refuse to abolish the law. "Then we will organize another, bigger dance demonstration," he said. *-- Altogether now, flush! -- * BULAWAYO, Zimbabwe - The million residents of Bulawayo, Zimbabwe's second-largest city, were to all flush their toilets at precisely the same time Saturday night, officials said. The 7:30 p.m. synchronized flushing was to help prevent pipes from bursting after local officials started rationing water because of a drought, Africa Review reported. "This is done to prevent any sewer block- ages as we anticipate longer periods without water in the reticulation system," city council spokeswoman Nesisa Mpofu said, who added the big flush was to be in addition to other flushes during the day. The communal flushings are expected every three days during the drought. Two of the city's five supply reservoirs have emptied and two others could go dry before the region's usual November rains. "Water rationing may be extended to 92-hour periods. The situation is very serious," Mpofu said. The situation wasn't sitting well with some. A blogger on the Zimbabwean activists website Kubatana.net wrote: "People who flush together, make revolution together? Only in Zimbabwe ... how much [expletive] from this incompetent government will we continue to tolerate?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) >Lose 10 Pounds! ___ /\/_\_ \/ )))) ",".// \%_,O _||___ /)___/_\ '(_/\_)\/\ />,\\/ / \/\ \o\/==/\ \/o__ (/| /o\\ \,\\- // \ | \ /o| | \ \ / / / o \ \ / / \ | \ / | o / \ o \ \ / | \ \ / / / o / \ / | o \ ) | /__/\___/_____/\___o/ b'ger =' =' I can almost feel myself losing weight . . .. by forwarding this to you! You'll understand at the end. I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Dr. Oz had a whole show on how great menopause will be . . .. Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60, 70 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate. Mid-life... Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless. Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen, honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too..' Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones. Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, cell phone carrying teenager and think, 'For this I have stretch marks?' In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally--more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin . Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the 'big' questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice? But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it! Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds... Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds. If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. (That's why I had to pass this on--I didn't want to risk deleting this..) Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably... Never regret anything that made you smile! MAXINE: I've still Got It But nobody wants to see it! --- ...LMAO! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Richard :) .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70! 01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 03. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 04. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 07. Things you buy now won't wear out. 08. You can eat supper at 5 PM. 09. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse. 15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 19. You can't remember who sent you this list. 20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. Forward this to everyone you can remember right now! Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night ! --- ...TeeHee! Thanks RichardF! ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously. "Can I talk to a real person?" a caller asked. "I am real," I said. "Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?" -<>- The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think." -<>- . |\ ' ` __ \ \ .-:'.-' ) ) / / \ '-'' ' , '` -.\ ./ O o `_ `---o--'. \ \|/ / BUNNY .###._.'._ BOXING '#####'H ' === /'#####'HH,\ \========== (__.###'HHH ` ) \ ( ) /'-' \-----/ | | \ `-- `-- kOs ( ) \ ) | | | | | | | | '-' `-`\. / \ ( `-. (____) `--._.' ===== === The problem - There's a box with a hole at each end and there's a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end. Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later... etc., etc. How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time? In theory, two minutes. In practice, no answer is possible unless, of course, you split hares. -<>- At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school. "Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked. "She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company, and I'm keeping her home." -<>- ,,,, / ' /.. / ( c D \- '\_ `-'\)\ |_ \ |U \\ (__,// |. \/ LL__I ||| ||| ,,-``'\ jv English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site: "He swept the rug under the carpet." "She's burning the midnight oil at both ends." "It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire." "It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard." "She's robbing Peter to pay the piper." "He's up a tree without a paddle." "Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water." "Keep your ear to the grindstone." "Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb." "Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter." -<>- At a posh Manhattan dinner party, a Latin American visitor was telling the guests about this home country and himself. As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children." As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue, he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable." Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter: "What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable." As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable!" -<>- "Hello Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop. My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks. "I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked. "Yeah, you was my English teacher." Leaning over, my husband whispered, "Good job, Honey, good job." -<>- Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight. I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell checker comes free with your soft- ware." A minute later, I got this reply, "Mine must be dephective." ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: ,.,. ((((^)) d e_# b \._./ ,---i`-'i---. / | `-' | \ |__| |__| \ | | | \ \______ | | \/ ) \|| \ |- | |'//\ |___|___| | | | ( | ) {_ |__| (__|__} _>= | =<_ hjw (__._|_.__) >KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES How do you make a skeleton laugh? By tickling his funny bone. (Daily Groaner) What do you call a pea from the '60s? A hip pea (Rachel, 11) When should baseball players wear armor? When they play knight games (Tei, 8) Why do teachers wear sunglasses? Because their students are so bright! (Alexa, 8) Why is a sofa like a roast chicken? Because they're both full of stuffing! (Joanna) Why do grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic? Because baggers can't be choosers. (Jay Salinger) Why did the pony's hoof make a funny sound? Because his horseshoe was a ringer. (Hilario, 10) What do you call a lizard with a platinum hip-hop album? Rap-tile! (Daily Groaner) Why couldn't the athlete listen to his music? Because he broke the record! (James, 11) What did Sir Lancelot wear to bed? A knight gown (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies) What did the blanket say to the bed? "Don't worry, I've got you covered!" (Susan, 11) Where should you put the officers in a military orchestra? In the brass section (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) What happens when a cat eats a lemon? It becomes a sourpuss. (Kyle, 9) Why did the teacher say Johnny's grades were were under water? They were all below "C" level (Andy 12) Why did the lady go outdoors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather. (Douglas Helsel) Did you hear about the successful school play? It was a class act. (Mike Benny) What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to been careful not to step in a poodle. (Andrew Garcia) Why did the butcher make his sausages with meat at one end but only corn meal at the other? Because in hard economic times it's difficult to make both ends meat. (Lederer & Ertner) Why did the urban gang cross the road? To ghetto the other side. (Bob Dvorak) What did the big French fry say to the little French fry? Ketchup (Rachael, 7) Why did the boy call his pet pig Ballpoint? It was a pen name. (Lederer & Ertner) Which line did the comedian stand in at the dance? The punch line (Daily Groaner) What did the the Roman emperor say when he saw his best friend scarf down an entire can of Starkist? Et tuna, Brute? (Sean) Which is worth more an old ten dollar bill or a new one? An old ten-dollar bill is always worth more than a new ONE. (Douglas Helsel) Why does the little moron save burned-out light bulbs? So he can use them in his darkroom. (Bill Edwards) Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools. (Rosie O’Donnell) What animals would you expect to pray? The praying mantis, the church mouse, the holy see anemone and the papal tiger (Michael Bass) What does a porcupine like to do when playing volleyball? Spike. (Pun of the Day) What did his friends say when the watchmaker wrote a book? "It's about time" (Zoe, 9) What do you call a computer superhero? A screen saver. (Beckie Shiles) Why did Johnny bite his nails Because the doctor said he was iron-deficient. (Reed, 13) Why did the little moron stand on his head in the kitchen? He was making an upside down cake. (Bill Edwards) Why did the little moron jump out his second story window last March twenty-first? To try out his new Spring suit! (Bill Edwards) What flower is in between your nose and your chin? Two lips! (Douglas Helsel) Why was the sheep arrested on the freeway? Because she did a ewe-turn! (Betty, 8) Why did the little moron go to night school? So he could learn to read in the dark. (Bill Edwards) -<>- (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS When the tornado hunters spotted the twister, they were blown away. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food? (Tony Thoennes) Sign in the window of a pillow company: For sale-all it takes is a small down payment. I'm writing a screenplay about a seaside romance. it's a classic buoy-meets-gull story. (Anne Kostick) The comic book artist drew a blank (Marsha Coleman) The tailor viewed his ability to weave steel garments as one of his strong suits. (Daniel Elbirt) Sign on a rodeo gate: Broncho riders needed immediately. Big bucks possible! I used to run a doughnut shop, but I got tired of the hole business. (Anne Kostick) "Waiter! There's a twig in my soup!" "My apologies, sir, I'll inform the branch manager." (Phill Rock) Show me a man that has braces on his teeth and I'll show you a man who has put his money where his mouth is. Did you hear about the tire dealer that had a blowout sale ? (Tony Thoennes) What do you get if you mix Snoopy and breakfast? A beagle and cream cheese! (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies) Jack sold a cow for some beans, came home to his mother, and spilled the beans. (Pun of the Day) It's a real dollars and cents wedding. He hasn't any dollars and she hasn't any sense. (Anna Kostick) "I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written!" (Christopher Columbus's Mother) People like to help him out just as soon as he comes in! (Lucetta Myers) A music company put pianos outside for a sale, but protected their internal organs (Pun of the Day) A few years ago, I opened the invitation to my great-great uncle's 100th birthday party. On the front ~ in bold letters ~ it screamed, "If he's heard it once, he's heard it a hundred times. Happy Birthday, Sam!" (Marsha Coleman) "All right, if you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!" (Napoleon's Mother) When the doctor mounted a diagram of the brain, he established a frame of mind. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) Have you heard of the dental practice that was rotten to it's roots? (Joan DeGrave) "Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?" (Abraham Lincoln's Mother) I almost got married a few times, but fortunately, they were only near-Mrs. (Anne Kostick) The valedictorian wore to her interview for college a smart suit. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) "Do you sell cats meat?" "Yes, as long as they are accompanied by a human being." (Bruce A. G. Calder) "This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?" (Mona Lisa's Mother) As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave, she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good, why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?" "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!" (Thomas Edison's Mother) He bought a plate with four corners so he could have a square meal. (Pun of the Day) Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii, sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. table tennis team, after its tour of Communist China. The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill. -<>- / | /| _______I_I_I_________/ | D====/ ____________________ | - - || __| | | |___ || \ | \\__[_=|_[[|_|==_]_// \| \_________________/ | \ = = = unknown >PUNS IN THE COMICS Sign in The Spiritial Music Center window says "We have a full line of trumpet rentals." Woman says, "Well, I suppose its for people who don't like to blow their own horn. (Non-Sequitur: Wiley) Two high school students with skate boards sitting on a bus in seats designated, "These seats reserved for seniors." One says, "Don't tell anyone I'm a junior." (Bizarro: Dan Piraro) Crankshaft driving his school bus up a hill. "Ha! Donald's mother has finally given up. I knew she could never make it up Turtle Hill with that cast and the French horn case. I guess you could say she wasn't musically inclined." (Crankshaft: Batluk & Ayers) Arcade Token: "I'm stating a pledge drive today." Kennedy dime: "For what cause?" "For the San Andreas." "Why that?" "So people can be generous to a fault." (Money Talks: Owen Lorion) Gossips suffer from acute indiscretion (Graffiti: Gene Mora) Kennedy Dime: "Where is arcade token today?" Lincoln Penny: I shut him up in a safe." "Why did you do that? "It needed to be done. And I figured I might as well be generous to a vault." (Money Talks: Owen Lorion) Neatly stacked laundry is organized grime (Graffiti: Gene Mora) Two Catholic priests talking: "A small town in Idaho needs a priest for their congregation." "Do they want some friars with that?" (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves) Some people cure a nagging headache by getting a divorce. (Graffiti: Gene Mora) "You know, I meditate." "Really?" "Well, not all the time. Just now and zen." (Raising Duncan: Chris Browne) "Wharcha watching?" "I dunno, some legal thing. I think they're gonna show how to put a mammal in your will." "What's it called?" "Leave it to beaver." (Mother Goose and Grimm: Mike Peters) Mother: "Jeremy? What are you doing?" Son at computer: "Just talking to some friends." "At this hour?" "I can't help it. It's a deeply rooted tenet of my current philosophy." "Philosophy?" "I think, therefore I. M." (Zits: Scott & Borgman) "What's on the tube tonight? "Well on basic cable, they've got the Ten Commandments, and on premium cable, they're breaking them" (Shoe: Cassett & Brookins) Watch out for the chef who won't lick his own fingers (Graffiti: Gene Mora) Doctor to patient: "Hmm. I don't like the look of that. Come back when it clears up." (Oddly Enough: Chris Kemp) I know of one way of achieving immortality. When your number comes up, make sure its unlisted. (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves) I live life in the fast lane because I can only afford eight items or fewer. (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves) I never rely on statistics. Research shows 87% are usually inaccurate. (Bottom Liners: Eric & Bill Teitelbaum) People who diet naturally are born losers. (Graffiti: Gene Mora) Wahington D. C. Spin Doctors. Washer Drier Repairs (Bound and Gagged: Dana Summers) -<>- My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One morning a call came in for her. I said she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message. The caller said she'd phone back later. At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that Marina had gone to lunch. The last call came in at 3:30 p.m. "I'm sorry," I said, "she's left for the day. May I take a message?" "Yes," the caller replied. "How can I get a job with you?" -<>- . // _.-"""""'//-'""""-._ .', , , , : : ` ` ` `. / , , \'-._ : :_.-'/ ` ` \ / , , :\(_)\ /(_)/ : ` ` \ | , , , \__//\\__/ . . ` ` | | . .:_ : : '--`: : . _: ; :| | : : \\_ _' : _: :__// , , | \ ` ` \ \/ \/\/ \_/ / , , / \ ` ` \_/\_/\_/\_/\/ , , / `._ ` . : : : , , _.' `-..............-' bni >Halloween Special Signs Your Mobile Home is Haunted 1. Your can of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air. 2. Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling. 3. The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move. 4. The room is spinning, and you're not even drunk yet. 5. That car in your front yard isn't on blocks -- it's levitating by itself. 6. Your dog, Bo, gets sucked into the TV set, and he's blocking your view of rasslin'. 7. That mysterious scratching below the floorboards? The Telltale Raccoon. 8. The chain the ghost rattles is attached to his wallet. 9. You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio. 10. The trailer is shaking, but there's no tornado in sight. (I would just think this was my son and daughter in his bedroom! - J.R.) 11. Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them. 12. The ghost is completely invisible except for the tobacco juice running down his chin. 13. Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out "Achy Breaky Heart." 14. There's a funny howlin' noise comin' from the corn crib -- no wait, that's just Jimmy. 15. You hear strange moaning - but only during Shania Twain videos. 16. You're missing four PBR's, and the missus only drinks Old Milwaukee. 17. The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill. 18. You hear blood-curdling screams, but both neighbors are still in jail. 19. You get a mysterious phone call that says, "I know what you did last NASCAR race." 20. Instead of saying "Boo," the ghost says "Boo-ya'll!" 21. The veneer of window grime looks just like Calvin ... and he's taking a leak on YOU! 22. Instead of naked women, your playing cards, all of a sudden, have pictures of covered bridges on them. 23. The folks on Jenny Jones discuss domestic problems that eerily resemble your own. 24. You get a creepy feelin' and it ain't because that Richard Simmons is back on TV. 25. You come home one day and it's ... clean! -<>- __________________ .-' \ _.-''-._ / '-. .-/\ .'. .'. /\-. _'/ \.' '. .' './ \'_ :======:======::======:======: '. '. \ '' / .' .' '. . \ : : / . .' '.' \ ' ' / '.' ': \: :/ :' '. \ / .' '.\ /.' miK '\/' >Diamonds Morris ran into Jacob while shopping at the mall the other day in front of one of the jewelry stores. Noticing a conspicuously small gift wrapped box in his hand Morris asked if was a gift for Jacob's wife, Becky. Jacob told Morris, "With her birthday coming up, I asked Becky what she wanted and she said, 'Oh, I don't know just give me something with lots of diamonds in it'.'" "So what did you get her?" Morris asked. Jacob smiled and replied, "I bought her a deck of cards!" ======================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Quit Smoking http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/quitsmoking.html Fear: Feeling Kind Of Buggy [story] http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/fearfeelingkindofbuggy.html Ladies Unleashed http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html Why God Gave Us Pets http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpets.html Extreme Pumpkin Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pumpkin.html Junk Car Parts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/junkcarart.html Animal Friends 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Chevy Selling It! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html Oregon Aquarium! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oregon.html Look Who's Talking 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking5.html Strange Hotels! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotel.html -<>- >From Our Friend Brenda :) My Dad's Car http://www.wimp.com/dadscar/ --- ...Sweet! Thanks Brenda! -<>- >From Our Friend JoeL :) He sent us one we have here... A Love Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestory.html --- ...LOL! Oh so sweet! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Playing With Food 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html --- ...LOL! A good one! Thanks Linda! -<>- Hold your mouse key down and move it slow on each picture. Never seen anything like this, enjoy--- NEXT GENERATION PHOTOGRAPHY - OK everyone, this is absolutely incredible!! Note is not just 360 it is 360 at every latitude...try going up o r down! 360 degree pictures . . . next generation photography amazing!! Don't get dizzy!! You can also look straight up and down too. Click on the pictures below and when they come up, click again and drag your mouse in any direction and the picture will give you a 360 degree view --- Amazing Photography!!! PICTURE NUMBER 1 http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas/SulpherCreek_swf.html PICTURE NUMBER 2 http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas/DoubleArch1_swf.html PICTURE NUMBER 3 http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas/PaysonC_swf.html PICTURE NUMBER 4 http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas_2/AztecButte_swf.html PICTURE NUMBER 5 http://www.utah3d.net/panoramas_3/GrandView.html --- ...Wow! Most impressive! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : bing it on --- ...I'm still partial to Google! Thanks Wesley! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage." -Jimmy Fallon "A lot of accidents are caused by bikers who don't have a feel for the road, like the dentists and accountants that take Harleys out on the weekend." -Craig Ferguson "The World Economic Forum, which ranks economies, moved the United States down to 5th place. Switzerland came in 1st place. I guess those little army knives are selling like crazy." -Jimmy Kimmel "My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can...she's always on my back." --Scott Wood "A new study found that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers, but the ways they die are a lot more embarrassing." -Jimmy Fallon "A company in Britain has created a car that can be powered by human waste. It's cool, but it gets a little uncomfortable when your buddy asks you to 'chip in' for gas." -Jimmy Fallon "Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back." -Jay Leno We were shopping for clothes when my 13-year-old daughter spotted a hat with "Guinness" written on it. She put it on and proclaimed, "Look! I'm a genius!" "Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation." --Ogden Nash "Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: "Basement?" --Rodney Dangerfield >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************