Letter From Scout Camp And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Cynic's Guide to Life 1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill. _ ___ \.\'.\ 2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses. \'\'.\ Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. __\.\:/_// {{{{{(__(") 3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. jgs `~~~~ >>>^ Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone. 4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. 5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. .--. 6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. _/aa/ \ It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end (T_, \_/ , of his chain and gag himself. )="`------.)) o| / / 7. It's always darkest before the dawn. .' \ /__\ (\ So if you're going to steal _.' |\ \ _/ / \ the neighbors's newspaper, jgs ..-`"` (_(_/ (__/(_/ that's the time to do it. 8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up. 9. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down. 10. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbors's car. 11. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot. 12. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel. It's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery. 13. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land. 14. Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 29 is International Mud Day and Waffle Iron Day June 30 is Meteor Day July 1 is Canada Day and International Joke Day July 2 is I Forgot Day and World UFO Day July 3 is Compliment Your Mirror Day and Stay out of the Sun Day July 4 is Independence Day (U.S.), National Country Music Day July 5 is Build A Scarecrow Day and Work-a-holics Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: |\ \`-. _.._| \ |_,' __`. \ (.\ _/.| _ | ,' __ \ | ,' __/||\ | (Y8P ,/|||||/ | `-'_---- / /`-._.-'/ `-.__.-' jg >Dog Grooming I had an inauspicious start as a dog groomer when one of my first clients bit me. Noticing my pain, my boss voiced her concern. "Whatever you do," she said, "don't bleed on the white dogs." -<>- >Macho at the Mall I was having lunch with my five-year-old daughter at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye. Getting up to leave the table, I ran my fingers through my hair and discovered two yellow-ducky barrettes that had been lovingly placed there hours before. -<>- >Passport Applying for my first passport, I took all the relevant papers to the passport clerk at the post office. The clerk checked over my application form, photos, marriage license and other identification. All seemed in order until she came to my birth certificate. She handed it back to me and said, "This isn't any good. It's in your maiden name." -<>- >Sounds Delicious My wife is a very adventurous cook. "How does this sound?" she called out from the kitchen. "Bonito, surimi, and anchovies in a decadent, silky broth." "Sounds delicious," I hollered back. "Is that what we're having tonight?" "No. I'm reading ingredients from this can of cat food." -<>- >Surprise Me A woman was sitting around feeling semi-miserable when her husband asked if ice cream would make her feel better. They had two flavors in the freezer and he asked which one she wanted. She said, "Surprise me." About a minute later he came running out of the kitchen with his shirt pulled over his head, wearing a ghoulish Halloween mask, wielding a serving spoon and shouting "Aahhhhhhh!!!" Once he was satisfied that she was thoroughly surprised, he handed her a bowl of chocolate chip. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >SMILES Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute." "Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous. Can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute." -<>- .--. _/__ ) 0)0`>|_ /V\ \-_.-_ `; /'_/\_ /_. './ ;._ `/ `` | |^ '-;._ _.' | |^ ^ ||``` | .'| ^ ^|| | `'`|^ ^ ^|\__,.--;' | ^ ^ | | | ;^ ^ ^; | / \^ ^/\)| | | ^| | | /'-'\ \_ | / .. | |'- | |/ `\| | | | | _|,__| (_/ .' jgs (_.' There were two good ol’ boys from Alabama, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re gonna need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re gonna need another dozen ice picks.” Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got.” The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?” “Not very well at all,” he said. “We ain’t even got the boat in the water yet." -<>- It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet....nobody was married. Here are the single people that come to mind. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara... in fact, the only one married was Otis and he stayed drunk. --- ...HaHa! Oh Gee! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >Jokes O ~O <|\ /|\ | ~o/ | \o ~o/ _o |\ /| |\ |\ /| |\ jgs / | / \ |// > / \ / > Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. "When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your Sunday School teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!" -------- .="=. /\_ /|6 6|\ _/\ \_//O\_+_/O\\_/ \\\/`"""`\/// \ ($) / ./---/_\---\. /`"---------"`\ / / | \ \ / / | \ \ jgs `._._.-'-._.-'-.' Fortuneteller: You will be miserable, depressed, and unhappy until your 40th birthday. Client: Then things will improve? Fortuneteller: No, you'll just get used to it by then ... -------- After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back." -------- At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"? Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" -------- Three women and three men are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three men each buy tickets and watch as the three women buy only a single ticket. ”Howare three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one of the guys. ”Watch and you’ll see,” answers a woman. All of them board the train. The men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The men saw this and agreed it was a clever idea. So after the conference, the men decide to copy the women on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the women don’t buy a ticket at all. ”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one of the perplexed men. ”Watch and you’ll see,” is the answer. When they board the train the three men cram into a restroom and the three women cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the women leaves her restroom and walks over to the restroom where the men are hiding. She knocks on the door and says in a low voice, “Ticket, please.” ------- The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?" Being I'm a senior citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing. When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?" The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "NO!!!" So I said, "Oh thank God! That's a real relief!" "My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!" Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though, because; they aren’t very friendly there anyway!!! -------- A new business was opening, and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site. When the owner scanned over the card; it read: 'Rest in Peace.' The owner was quite angry; he called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake -- and how angry he was, the florist told him: "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake but, rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today. They have flowers with a note reading, 'Congratulations on your new location.'" ------- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >25 SIGNS YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." 10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door won't turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling s*x jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM. 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach. 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. 22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. 25. You read this entire list looking desperately for just one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find a single one to save your soul. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Geniann :) Warren Buffett quipped that he could end the deficit by passing "a law that says anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election." http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/buffett.asp --- ...Maybe! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From The Tea Party: In The News http://tinyurl.com/o2mofsb -<>- >From AFA: Gay Marriage: Three things your church must do immediately to protect itself http://tinyurl.com/ol9je34 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Sure, kids can be demanding. What parent hasn't had a child threaten to hold their breath unless they get the toy they want? But the teen in today's story is having a tough time letting go of the apron strings. This Alabama teenager was arrested after authorities say he followed through on a bizarre threat to kill his mother's chickens unless she mended the relationship between him and his girlfriend. Haden Smith, 18, was charged with domestic violence third degree and criminal mischief. Deputies say the situation started when Smith texted his mother, threatening to kill one of her chickens every 15 minutes until she contacted his girlfriend's parents and attempted to mend their broken relationship. Although I don't think this would be the first time Haden has choked the chicken. Deputies claim Smith gave his mother a deadline of noon before he started to kill the chickens. They also say he threatened to burn his mother's house down, kill any deputies that arrived on the scene, and kill himself. Odd that his girlfriend should have left him. He then began sending his mother picture messages of each chicken he killed at 15-minute intervals, killing six in total before he was arrested, deputies say. There's no word on Smith's current relationship status. A barbecue is scheduled for the day after tomorrow. -<>- They say Australians are tough. Even so, it seems a little extreme to go wandering around the streets punching babies in the face. But then, if you have to grow up in Australia you might as well get acclimated to it early. Maybe that was the motivation of a homeless man who unloaded a knuckle sandwich on a little girl's face outside a cafe in Sydney. Police reported the 16-month-old was in her baby stroller with her parents outside the cafe around 11:30 a.m. The homeless man approached the baby stroller and punched her in the face, apparently without reason or provocation. The man ran from the scene and the baby's father ran after him while telling passersby to contact the police. Officers who arrived at the scene, caught the homeless man hiding inside a nearby building. The 28-year-old Nicholas Troy Bolas was arrested and charged with assault causing actual bodily harm. The baby suffered a small laceration to the face and was treated at the scene by paramedics. Nobody asked how the assailant's hand felt after punching the iron-like jaw of that baby. *-- 16 different police departments respond to wedding brawl in Pennsylvania --* ONATELAUNEE TOWNSHIP, Pa. (UPI) - More than a dozen different police departments in a southeastern Pennsylvania county responded to a wedding brawl that grew violently out of control Monday night, according to reports. Police arrested seven people -- including the groom -- during the altercation in Ontelaunee Township, which reportedly began over a guest letting her 14-year-old son drink alcohol. Officers from Northern Berks Regional Police were the first on scene, but they called for reinforcements after guests, some shirtless and bloodied, threatened them. Police from 16 different departments across Berks County responded and attempted to control the crowd. Police say one guest was unfazed after an officer twice used a stun gun on him, and the groom, Nicholas Papoutsis, 31, reportedly challenged police to fight before being subdued and charged with disorderly conduct, interfering with the administration of law and public drunkenness. Emergency workers meanwhile treated his bride for alcohol poisoning and dehydration. The involved officers came from departments in Fleetwood, Hamburg, Penn State, Berks County, Wyomissing, Bern, Spring, Tilden, Reading and Muhlenberg, among other locations. Four officers from Northern Berks Regional and Muhlenberg Township reportedly sustained minor injuries in the incident and received medical treatment at Reading Hospital. Police say the 14-year-old boy in question blew a .16 percent blood- alcohol content and told officers he drank two beers. Those blowing a .08 percent BAC are considered legally drunk in the state of Pennsylvania. The Reading Eagle quoted Northern Berks Regional Police Chief Scott W. Eaken as saying, "Several people were trying to be a calming influence in all of this, but at that point, alcohol had taken over." *-- Illegally parked car covered in Post-its to draw disability symbol --* MARINGA, Brazil (UPI) - A man who parked in a disability accessible space without a placard in Brazil returned to find his car covered in Post-it notes to form the wheelchair symbol. A video posted to YouTube by Juliano Eduardo shows the car covered in blue and white sticky notes to draw the International Symbol of Access -- a stick figure in a wheelchair -- on the back and side of the vehicle after it was illegally parked in an accessible space in the city of Maringa. The car's driver can be seen in the video working to hurriedly clear the small sheets of paper from the windshield so he can drive away while members of the public gawk, laugh and shout jeers at him. The spectators include a man who appears to be a traffic police officer. The man eventually rolls down the driver's side window and speeds away, nearly getting into a collision while merging into traffic. *-- Colombian police bust woman with cocaine-filled breast implants --* BOGOTA (UPI) - Authorities in Colombia said a woman was arrested at an airport in the capital when her breast implants were found to contain 3.3 pounds of liquid cocaine. Authorities said Paola Deyanira Sabillon, 22, drew the attention of security staff at El Dorado International Airport when she appeared nervous in line and X-rays determined she had recently undergone surgery on her breasts. Sabillon, who is from Honduras and was preparing to fly to Spain, told investigators she received breast implants filled with an unknown substance she had been hired to transport. The implants were removed at a Bogota hospital and Sabillon was treated for an infection stemming from the original surgery, which is believed to have taken place at a clinic in Pereira, Colombia. The substance inside the implants was determined to be cocaine, authorities said. Sabillon was hospitalized for five days before being released into police custody. *-- Skinny jeans send Australian woman to hospital with nerve damage --* ADELAIDE, Australia (UPI) - An Australian doctor has warned against the dangers of so-called "skinny jeans," citing a patient who collapsed after a day of strenuous activity while wearing tight pants. Neurologist Thomas Kimber, of the Royal Adelaide Hospital, told the Australian Broadcasting Corp., on Tuesday that a 35-year-old woman from Adelaide was recently hospitalized after wearing skinny jeans. Kimber said the woman was helping a relative move and spent the day squatting to help them clean. "She noticed that her legs were becoming increasingly uncomfortable as the day went on [but] didn't really think much of it," Kimber said. The woman didn't notice anything was wrong until she fell on the sidewalk and couldn't get up again. "By this time it was dark and quite late at night and she was unable to stand up again, and really was there for some time before she could crawl to the side of the road, hail a cab and bring herself to the Royal Adelaide Hospital," Kimber said. The woman's legs were so swollen that hospital staff had to cut her jeans off of her body. She suffered severe muscle swelling and nerve compression and had to be treated with intravenous fluids. According to a Kimber's report of the incident, which was published in the Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery and Psychiatry, the patient suffered compartment syndrome -- when increased pressure to body parts, particularly the leg or forearm, leads to muscle or nerve damage. "We believe it was the combination of the squatting and tight jeans that caused the problem," Kimber said in the report. The woman was unable to walk for several days but eventually made a full recovery. "The take home message I would like to leave people is if they are going to doing a lot of squatting ... wear something looser, with more elasticity perhaps," he added. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb >New High School Teacher A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable when he wore his suit coat. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... The rest of the year went smoothly. -<>- ( ,&&&. ) .,.&& ( ( \=__/ ) ,'-'. ( ( ,, _.__|/ /| ) /\ -((------((_|___/ | ( // | (`' (( `'--| _ -.;_/ \\--._ \\ \-._/. (_;-// | \ \-'.\ <_,\_\`--'| ( `.__ _ ___,') <_,-'__,' jrei `'(_ )_)(_)_)' >Letter From Scout Camp Those of you who are old enough to remember Alan Sherman’s “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah…..” can compare it to this. Same idea – both funny. See what a difference 50 years makes. Dear Mum, Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire, it will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works. Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file? I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent. --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry as they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" -<>- A few years ago a refugee from Laos came to the US in one of the resettlement influxes. He had been an announcer in radio back in Laos, and he wanted to get into the same line of work here. The first thing he did was join AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio Announcers). He tried to pursue a job, but of course, he had problems with the English language, being a new resident. In order to keep body and soul together while going to English classes, he took up barbering. Soon, he became a very good barber, giving haircuts, stylings, and shaves. He seemed to be an artist with the straight razor. In fact, the shop where he worked made him specialize in giving shaves. Thus, he became known as an AFTRA shave Laotian. -<>- I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry as they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" -<>- A few years ago a refugee from Laos came to the US in one of the resettlement influxes. He had been an announcer in radio back in Laos, and he wanted to get into the same line of work here. The first thing he did was join AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio Announcers). He tried to pursue a job, but of course, he had problems with the English language, being a new resident. In order to keep body and soul together while going to English classes, he took up barbering. Soon, he became a very good barber, giving haircuts, stylings, and shaves. He seemed to be an artist with the straight razor. In fact, the shop where he worked made him specialize in giving shaves. Thus, he became known as an AFTRA shave Laotian. -<>- When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra." -<>- During their ten year anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life." -<>- ___ ,--[___]--, / \ |,.--'```'--.,| , |'-.,_____,.-'| || |'-.,_____,.-'| || | | _||_ | P A I N T | ///\\\ | | HHHHHH |'-.,_____,.-'| |||||| jgs `'-.,_____,.-'' |||||| Dad is from the old school, he always kept a rather large wad of what he liked to call 'emergency cash' in his underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe--a can of spray paint with a false bottom--so he could keep his money somewhat less obviously in this basement workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it. "Oh, yes," she replied, "he put his money in it the same day." "No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!" I gloated. "They won't have to," my mom replied. "He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer." -<>- "Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. and Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) >Definitions /\ __ \ .-':::. \ :::::|\ |,\:::'/ \ `.:::-' \ `-. \ ___ `-. | .-'';:::. `-.-' / ',''.;;;\ | ','','.''| |\ ' ,',' /' `.`-.___.-;' `--._.-' AsH Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do. Bernadette: The act of torching your mortgage. Burglarize: What a crook sees with. Control: A short, ugly inmate. Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living. Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist. Heroes: What a guy in a canoe does. Left Bank: What a robber did when his bag was full of loot. Misty: How golfers create divots. Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Pharmacist: A helper on the farm. Polarize: What penguins see with. (Bears, too.) Relief: What trees do each spring. Rubberneck: What you can do to relax your wife. Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6. Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does. Subdued: A guy that works on submarines. Sudafed: Bring litigation against a government official --- ...LOL! These are rich! Thanks Karen! ====================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Life Is...!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis.html Life Train!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetrain.html Back In Time!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backintime.html Moses Bridge!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesbridge.html Beautiful Starfish!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/starfish.html Real Life Mermaid!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mermaid.html New York At Night!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyork.html Old US City Photos!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uscities.html Relics From The Past!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/relics.html Friends Last Journey!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mananddog.html Best Of Nat Geo 2012!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/natgeo2012.html Beautiful Grand Canyon!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grandcanyon.html Lighthouses Of The World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lighthouses.html World's Most Spectacular Places!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spectacularplaces.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) 7 Reasons Why You Don't need a new computer http://www.ba-bamail.com/content.aspx?emailid=14864&memberid=929900 Wild man Andrew Ucles teaches you how to perform rabbit catching using snakes with his unique understanding of animal predator-prey relationships. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wynx1ukwdVA --- ...Most Interesting! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) These pictures give food for thought. The thought is: Growing older is a privilege denied many! -Pat This one we have here... Mirror Reflection http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mirror.html --- ...a great one! Thanks PatDeE! World's Biggest building, 20 million sq. ft . The biggest building in the world is in China. https://www.youtube.com/embed/tn9hoo6cZFc --- ...Wowsers! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Deci :) Emotional organ donation short film 1:34' goes viral - and reveals why dogs really are a man's best friend - 'The man and the dog' advert has gone viral and had over 5 million views - Shows a man whose dog is his best friend and follows him everywhere - Man is rushed to hospital and the dog waits outside for days in the rain - A woman emerges with the man's organs, and the dog jumps up happily https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nySUhtaf2QQ --- ...So heartwrenching! Thanks Deci! Praise God for donors! How my brothers and I are able to see better today with our partial cornea transplants! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) In 1970, John Wayne hosted a variety show celebrating America's history. Included in the cast were the following: Ann Margret , Lucille Ball, Jack Benny, Dan Blocker, Roscoe Lee Browne, George Burns, Owen Bush, James Caldwell, Glen Campbell, Johnny Cash, Roy Clark, Bing Crosby, Phyllis Diller, Edward Faulkner, Lorne Greene, Harry Hickox, Celeste Holm, Bob Hope, Kay E. Kuter, Michael Landon, Forrest Lewis, Dean Martin, Dick Martin, Ross Martin, Greg Morris, Ricky & David Nelson, Hugh O'Brian, Dan Rowan, William Shatner, Orville Sherman, Red Skelton, Tom Smothers, Leslie Uggams, Jesse Vint, John Wayne, Patrick Wayne, Dennis Weaver, Dan White, Hal Williams, The Doodletown Pipers. The closing piece featured many of the show's guests. Enjoy! https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10203900770857211 --- ...my Mom loved John Wayne! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Parasite Outbreaks on the Rise in U.S. Pools, CDC Says http://tinyurl.com/p5gbx5w A Note to Pastors In Light of the SCOTUS Decision on Same-Sex Marriage http://tinyurl.com/nem2omj VIDEO: The Entire Highway Came To A Screeching Halt Every year, Israel honors the nearly six million Jews killed by the Nazis during World War II for Holocaust Remembrance Day. The siren is a directive to have every citizen stop what they’re doing and take 120-seconds of silence to remember the horrible history that unfolded back in the 1940s in Europe. No act can make up for the horrible deaths caused during the Holocaust but Israel doesn’t want the world to forget. Although the tradition may be remembering one of the darkest moments in human history, it does show how far the world has come today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeozUSWdoQA --- ...Gave goosebumps! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Some wonderful outdoor scenes of an Osprey catching fish of various size that will make any so called fisherman jealous of this birds skills at pulling fish from the water. The Osprey is a large Raptor that is also known as a sea hawk, fish eagle or fish hawk. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nA3LtXnNIto A Dutch TV-show challenged magician Hans Klok and the "Divas of Magic" to do as many illusions as possible in 5 minutes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFilLZIDJak&feature=player_embedded Watch these birds try to attract a mate by performing some of the most side-splitting dances you will ever see! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMbDjNDD4cM&feature=player_embedded These elephants used to be friends back in the circus. Now, after being apart for 20 years, they finally meet again. The first time I saw this video - I cried like a little baby. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28E2EKBlr0k&feature=player_embedded --- ...heartwarming! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Emerson College officials said that starting in 2016 they will offer students the opportunity to major in comedy. Or, you can just take your tuition money and burn it in front of your parents." -Seth Meyers "According to a new study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to spending some time looking at their ex's profile. While the other 12 percent have admitted to spending ALL of their time looking at their ex's profile." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new survey that just came out, the issue most on the minds of college students is whether they'll be able to find a job when they graduate. Experts say it's silly for college students to worry about whether or not they'll be able to find a job - because the answer is no." -Conan O'Brien "I hope everyone who deserved it had a good Father's Day. Kids will buy cards and T-shirts and even little trophies that say their father is the best dad in the world. But the fact of the matter is that simple math tells us the vast majority of these kids are lying." -Jimmy Kimmel "There are reports that Amazon may be able to launch its drone delivery program within the next year. So if you hear your doorbell and see a robot hovering near your house, it could be the end of the world...or, the 12-pack of Brita filters you ordered." -Jimmy Fallon "Beachgoers in Florida have been warned about deadly flesh- eating bacteria in the water. Of course, if you're even in Florida, you've already ignored a few warnings." -Seth Meyers "According to a new study, the recommendation that people need eight glasses of water per day is a myth. I think we figured that out when we never once drank eight glasses of water and still survived." -Seth Meyers "In England, the world's oldest bride and groom tied the knot. She's 91, he's 103. Men are unbelievable. He couldn't find someone his own age? They're the world's oldest newly- weds, but I like to think of them as the world's newest oldlyweds." -Jimmy Kimmel "According to The New York Times, one of the biggest doping scandals in the history of track and field is coming to light. It involves Russian athletes in the sport of race- walking - or as it's known to the billions of people who do it every day, 'hurrying up.'" -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************