Life Insurance, Selma and Freedom Gas... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* We Had A Tremendous Month Last Month Of Caring And Sharing! __,=,__ .~`` .` `.``~. | . . |____ `-;=============;""""` ( (. _).) \ | | \ `-.___.' / '._ _.' /`''''\ / \ | |/\/\/\/|.-. |-|/\/\/\/|;' ) (__/_______| _) #########'._) jgs |==|=|__ ,,,(______)_),,,, ,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,, ,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,, ,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;, * Please Visit And Share All Of Our Newest Web Pages :) Amazing Trivia Facts 6! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/triviafacts6.html Amazing Trivia Facts 7! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/triviafacts7.html Animal Smiles! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/animalsmiles.html Spectacular Places 9! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/spectacularplaces9.html Hey, If It Fits... http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/fits.html Animal Moms 6! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/animalmoms6.html Beautiful Roses! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/roses.html Humorous Signs 5! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/hsigns5.html Amazing Sinkholes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sinkholes.html The LOOK! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thelook.html _ ______ / `'. ,-"` '. / /'-.'. ___ .' \ \/ '.\.' ' | .| .'`\ | /`"'--., / \ , _.--'` \/_ | ,----.| _ `_--;` ``` `\-. | | \ | -- C -- _/ \ \ | \ 0 0 / . | | \| ) | '. _.' |.__/ ; \ `'---` / / __ '. .' | (__) /'-._____,-` \ /---'.-""-.\ '. / ||,- \\ ;---`;-._||-= |\ , ."""-. \ ) `|'.___.' \ ___ \'. / '-. \ /`-`-; / \ ,/ `) \ \| \ `` | | \|| / /'.| )_ / || | | \/ .' \ \ .-'/ ` |` |.-' .-~ ~-~-._ |.'` \ ` '-. \___/,__/ ~` _ `~~-., `-.,_\_)`-.,_\) `~-,___ ~___~,,..-~~/ jgs \___/`\____/'._.' *~* May God Abundantly Bless All Our Sweet Contributors! :) ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: >Really Stupid... { } } { { { } } } }{ { _{ }{ } }_ ( }{ }{ { ) |""---------""| .-, | /""\ /#/ | | _ | _---------//_ | / | | ( / ) | |/ | /""=========""\ | / / (///////////////) | | / \ / | "T" C===========O cww ""---------"" -Bungle- Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day and one of them said to the other one, "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't think so? Let me show you." And he called his driver Ah Beng over and said, "Jim, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." To which Jim replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Ali: "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." Ali said, "Yes Sir!! Right away, Sir" and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here." Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Jim said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is so stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes ... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday?? The showroom is closed!" Ali replied, "You think he is stupid, huh? My boss is so much worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home ... He's got a cellphone, right, he can just call home to check!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 3 is Repeat Day (I said "Repeat Day") June 4 is Applesauce Cake Day, Hug Your Cat Day, National Cheese Day and Old Maid's Day June 5 is Hot Air Balloon Day and World Environment Day June 6 is D-Day WWII, National Gardening Exercise Day and National Yo-Yo Day June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day, National Doughnut Day and VCR Day June 8 is Best Friends Day, Name Your Poison Day and World Ocean Day June 9 is Donald Duck Day, National Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day and Nursing Assistants Day - date varies ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ____ ____ '###\ \ / /###' ,\\\\\ | /////, __ \ .--. .--. / __ ___\/ ' | ' \/___ -- _, ! | ! ,_ -- / '! | !' \ /'/ ! | ! \'\ 1# ! \ 0|0 / ! #1 !# \ '--; ;--' / #! ` `\ `-' /` ` \## `--~' '~--` ##/ `-___________-` [Mash] >No Speaka Da German A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train." -<>- >"M" is for..... Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." -<>- >Thank You Notes One Christmas, mom decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. The next year things were different, however. "The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. "How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?" "Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks." -<>- >Mandatory Attendance It used to be that in order for a college student to receive credit for a particular course, a card that listed his or her courses had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was often possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly. Not so with this physics professor. If he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course. On one occasion, a student handed his card to the professor to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card. Now being a quick thinking science major, the student proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his card to the professor. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "OK, you look familiar." signed the card. -<>- >Life Insurance Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today for a million dollars, and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?" The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ,-----. / \--. | / \ `. \-+-',___/ \ \ \ \ ,--\/"""\"". `._ / \ \ \ _ `| ( \ o\o|.,--. `-' \ \`-;---'-'( #) `._ \ |\ `--/ \. \ ||,`. / \`..--.._ ||/ `===='. \/ _`.__|| .-. \ \ | / \ |'| `. ! | \ \_/ \_.') \ ! | ,"". . _/ \ / / ;`--'\ \ \ `-' | |`-< \ \ \ | |\ \,---. \ \ \,---. | |,---. `.\ \,---. `. > `. | | \ `.| ( | |-'-' ( | |' `-------'-' `-----'-' hjw >SMILES Karen: On the cover of a women's magazine, I saw the title: "Men's Secret Fear About Their Working Wives." I decided to get a first-hand account. I asked my ex, "What's your innermost fear about my working?" Michelle: What did he say? Karen: He said, "That you'll quit." ---------- Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable. Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you? Patient: I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly closed." ---------- Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?" I replied: "Do you want to know?" and I dropped out. ---------- A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." ---------- A blond woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 5 pounds." When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The woman nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping." --------- Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, "You just put 'Ole died'." The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale." ---------- A tour bus full of noisy American tourists arrives at Runnymede, England. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. The man looks at his watch and says, "Damn It all! Just missed it by a half hour!" ---------- A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "you'd be his wife!" ---------- Jake had proposed to young Gina, and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir," replied Jake, "I'm sure I am." "Think carefully now," said Gina's father. "There are twelve of us..." ---------- A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers." "Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit." "Yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her eyes ."I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!" -<>- .. blaa blaa blaaa... .((())). cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil t |//_^ ^)" p e y \)_\V/.-. t y p /||| ( _\ _e/ |'\/__.-.\ _ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _ ___/||___t p .'-'-_-_-'-,:y e .'-_-_-_-_-_-/ (__________,(/mrf keyboard(_.-._.-._. Selma telephones home with some exciting news: "Mama, I got married." "Mazel Tov," says Mama. "I might as well tell you, Mama, he's not of our Faith." "So he's a goy. But am I prejudiced?" "But, Mama, he's also black." "So he's a schvartzeh. By me, everybody should be tolerant." "Well, frankly, Mama, he's also unemployed." "So, you'll support him. A wife should help her husband." "But, Mama, we have no place to live." "Don't worry, Selma, dear. You'll move in with us." "But Mama, you have only one bedroom." "That's okay. You and your husband can have the bedroom." "Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa sleep?" "Papa can sleep on the couch in the living room." "Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?" "Selma, dear, about me you don't need to worry. The minute I get off the phone... I'm going to drop dead." --- ...HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAU! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: , , `. | `. ` `. \___ \ ,---._ ,' -`./ ,-" "-/ / o `._ `. | o ,-. _ ` `. , , `-' ,' ` `-----"| '`----" | \ / | \ " `. /_ `._ _/| \ ( ". ' \ \ `.`. . |` \" |\ | `. `.,' . | `. \ | | ,` | | | `-`-" , ` , `. _,' `.--" | | || | .-. | |, `,' ) ___,' \ , / /------" \____," KaK >Get a radiant glow with a sugar-lemon scrub This DIY formula helps keep your complexion soft, shiny, and line-free! Why it works? The sugar's granules slough off dead, dry skin flakes while the lemon's citric acid and vitamin C brightens your skin. Recipe: Mix 2 tsp. of sugar with 2 tsp. of lemon juice. Massage onto damp skin for one to two minutes, and then rinse with warm water. Use twice a week to maintain results. -<>- >Sleep soundly with a lavender pillow mist To get ample shuteye spritz your linen with a lavender mist (these are available just about anywhere). The scent's sedative-like effect helps the body sink into deeper sleep, an effect that makes you 87% more likely to sleep well and wake up feeling oh-so refreshed! Another tip: If you sleep with a sleep mask try popping it into the dryer for 5 minutes before bedtime. The warmth prompts the body to release sleep-inducing melatonin. -<>- >Baking Soda You may have seen the volcano science experiment for what happens when you pour vinegar onto baking soda. Beyond entertaining you, baking soda can make a huge difference in the smell and the efficiency of your drains. Try adding baking soda under hot running water to freshen the drain. Baking soda can even be used in combination with hot water to unclog a drain. -<>- >Keep bugs at bay Summer nights are beautiful - that's until the mosquitos arrive! To deter them, place lavender or peppermint plants or citronella candles in terracotta pots around your outdoor living space. Not only will this repel bugs, but it also provides extra soft lighting. -<>- >Spend less on the go at convenience stores Chances are, when you need a snack, water, candy or something else on a road trip, you stop at a convenience store since they are easy to find. Unfortunately, that typically translates into higher prices! Here's one savvy way to save...Sign up for a rewards car for stores where you're most likely to stop along your way (ex: 7-Eleven, Thorton's). You'll earn points that can be redeemed for food and beverages. Don't forget to bring your manufacturer coupons too: most convenience stores do accept them! -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: * Save on Gas Ride your bike or walk when possible. If you are using your car, combine errands to save on gas. If you are heading to an appointment or the grocery store, think what other stops you could make while heading in that direction. It's amazing how those little changes can add up to big savings! * Green Cleaning and Wood Surfaces There are a lot of different recipes out there that call for some combination of olive oil and vinegar. (Yes, you're cleaning with salad dressing, for a floor you could eat off). The ratio of vinegar, oil and water will vary depending on the the type of wood and the finish you have on top of it. For wood floors, try 1/4 cup of vinegar in 1 gallon of hot water. For wood furniture, start with 1 cup vinegar with 1 teaspoon oil. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: “President Trump was in Virginia Sunday for a special church service praying for victims of the Virginia Beach mass shooting,” Mark Moore and Lee Brown report in the New York Post. “Trump stood behind pastor David Platt as he offered a prayer for the 12 killed in Friday’s mass shooting.” https://tinyurl.com/y5l6s4sd ** Queen Elizabeth Greets President Trump at Start of State Visit President Donald J. Trump and First Lady Melania Trump "arrived at Buckingham Palace Monday just after noon, local time, to meet Queen Elizabeth," Maria Puente reports in USA Today. “The queen greeted President Trump after he ascended the palace stairs with Prince Charles at the West Terrace of Buckingham Palace. Melania walked behind with Duchess Camilla. The queen wore a big smile as she greeted the president with a handshake.” President Trump’s three-day state visit to the U.K. is timed to coincide with the 75th anniversary of D-Day. https://tinyurl.com/yyao47m5 NBC Censors Host Crediting Prayers for Recovery Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek credited the prayers of millions for helping him in a life-and-death struggle with stage-four pancreatic cancer. Trebek faces a five-year survival rate of only three percent. However, his cancer is now in “near remission.” https://tinyurl.com/y34nysb3 Trump Shakes ‘Every Single Hand’ of US Air Force Graduates While Praising Their ‘Noble Road of Service’ -Independent Journal Review https://tinyurl.com/y5suws95 President Trump delivers 2019 Air Force Academy commencement speech https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if2nHdPemZU O’Reilly Reveals Why Mueller Hates Trump https://tinyurl.com/yx9lnv3z Justice With Judge Jeanine 6/1/19 | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1pYRxbjgn8 5 Times Google Revealed Its Extreme Bias https://tinyurl.com/y6tzltgz New Rules Issued on How to Fake Climate Reporting https://tinyurl.com/yymkzehd Democrats are threatening to cut the defense budget, putting America’s security at risk. The Free Beacon reports: https://tinyurl.com/y5ed2xat Ocasio-Cortez BASHES America, Veterans Do THIS http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-13lrv1-jqx3jh-b61d11g4/ Bill Barr Hammer At the Deep State https://1600daily.com/2019/06/01/bill-barr-hammer-deep-state/ Buttigieg’s Family EXPOSES His Lies http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-13lrv1-jqx3j4-b61d11g2/ Obama Insults Trump http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-13lrv1-jqx3ja-b61d11g7/ BOMBSHELL: Mueller EDITED Report To INCRIMINATE Trump http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-13lrv1-jqx3je-b61d11g1/ Dr. Robert Jeffress Discusses Christian Persecution with Lou Dobbs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd9jCKcjYj4 Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Chicken, Pork, Charging Cables http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: These Foods Tied to Higher Risk of Death http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Free To Give - Hunger Site https://www.greatergood.com/emails/2019/reminder-060219-THS-w.html -<>- >From BizarreNews: You would think this story happened right here in the good, 'ol United States of Bureaucracy, but this bit of governmental stupidity happened north of the border. It seems Mike Defazio of Saint John in New Brunswick, Canada recently blew a tire driving over one of several large potholes in his neighborhood. Sick and tired of his local government's failure to repair the street he took matters into his own hands and spent half a day filling in the potholes using his tractor. Of course, if you know anything about government you know that infrastructure, law, order, justice, education and everything else can just go to hell, but heaven help the individual who bucks the bureaucracy and tries to solve a problem by himself. Three days later Defazio got a call from the city's deputy commissioner of transportation informing him he had broken the city's bylaws and could face a fine. Apparently they were afraid that a rock could be kicked up and chip a windshield or scratch paint. Defazio says he was told city crews would be out to remove his work and he would have to cover the costs. That's right, the city was going to dig up pot holes in the street and charge him for the labor to do it. Brilliant. So he was forced to hire a crew and return the street to its original pot-holed state himself. The lesson here is; never do anything. *--- 'Serial Pooper' Making a Mess ---* Houston police are trying to wipe out a recurring crime wave by flushing out the identity of a man who has been caught on surveillance cameras going No. 2 on lawns and driveways in the city's Woodland Heights neighborhood. The disgruntled dumper has been leaving messes all over the neighborhood, and has pooped at one house at least six times. "It's definitely not a nice thing to do to people," said Patrick Reese, who lives nearby. "Going to the bathroom in their driveway is not nice. That's definitely not something that's supposed to go on in polite society." It is believed that the "serial pooper" usually strikes late at night or early in the morning under the cover of darkness. The man usually cleans himself up with a paper towel and then leaves the soiled sheet on the sidewalk. "This is our neighborhood," area resident Aimee Parsons said. "Whatever people think should go on around here -- pooping is not okay. We don't want dogs pooping in our yards why would we want a human?" Deputies say the man will be charged with indecent exposure or criminal mischief charge when he is caught. *--- Teen Builds Rocket-Powered Skateboard ---* This should end well. A Virginia high schooler unveiled the rocket-powered skateboard he designed and built in his quest to break a Guinness World Record. Marcus Targonski of Charlottesville said he and his friends have been working for several months to design and build a skateboard powered by what is essentially a miniature version of a jet plane engine. "We began to draft using 3D modeling software to figure out how we want to lay the board out and what we want to do," he told local news. Targonski said he has been able to reach speeds of 60 mph in trial runs, but he needs to be able to maintain the speed for 328 feet in two directions to qualify for the Guinness record. *--- Freedom Gas ---* In a press release two Department of Energy officials used the terms "freedom gas" and "molecules of US freedom" to replace your average, everyday term "natural gas." The press release was fairly standard, announcing the expansion of a Liquified Natural Gas (LNG) terminal at the Freeport facility on Quintana Island, Texas. It would have gone unnoticed had an E&E News reporter not noted the unique metonymy "molecules of US freedom." DOE Assistant Secretary for Fossil Energy Steven Winberg is quoted as saying, "With the US in another year of record-setting natural gas production, I am pleased that the Department of Energy is doing what it can to promote an efficient regulatory system that allows for molecules of US freedom to be exported to the world." The term "freedom gas" seems to have originated from an event with DOE Secretary Rick Perry. Earlier this year, the secretary signed an order to double the amount of LNG exports to Europe, saying, "The United States is again delivering a form of freedom to the European continent. And rather than in the form of young American soldiers, it's in the form of liquefied natural gas." [Funny, I experience quite a bit of my own 'freedom gas' last night after a beef and bean burrito.] *--- Canada is Suffering a Leech Shortage? ---* Apparently there are thousands of Canadians who are desperately in need of Leeches. Otherwise why would a man try to smuggle nearly 5,000 live leeches in a grocery bag on a flight from Russia to Toronto's Pearson International Airport? The discovery was made after a dog working with border agents smelled the leeches. The leeches were identified as Hirudo verbana, one of only two species of medicinal leech that come under regulations aimed at controlling wildlife trade. "These species are regulated because over-harvesting of medicinal leeches from the wild is a major threat to the species," a statement said. The parasites, which drink the blood of animals and humans, were one of the first species subject to conservation measures, dating back to 1823. Medicinal leech saliva contains blood-thinning properties and was vital in the first positive results of human dialysis treatments. Ippolit Bodounov was charged with the unlawful import of a regulated species and fined $11,000. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ___________ \ / )_______( |"""""""|_.-._,.---------.,_.-._ | | | | | | ''-. | |_| |_ _| |_..-' |_______| '-' `'---------'` '-' )"""""""( /_________\ `'-------'` .-------------. jgs/_______________\ >Was He Dead? In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner. Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you? Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere. -<>- >Naked for Breakfast An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home. "Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago." "Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say, should we get naked?" The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago." "I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!" -<>- >A Gift in the Driveway Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry and told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, and it better be there!" The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Rick has been missing since Friday. -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws? A: Outlaws are WANTED! Q: What's the difference between love and marriage? A: Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener! Q: If love is "grand," what is divorce? A: A hundred grand, or more. Q: What do you call a baby monkey? A: A Chimp off the old block. Q: What word is always spelled wrong in the Dictionary? A: Wrong. Q: What do you call the security guards who work at the Samsung store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy. Q: Where do pencils go for vacation? A: Pencil-vania. Q: Why couldn't the pony sing himself a lullaby? A: He was a little hoarse. _..._ ___ .:::::::. `"-._.-''. , /:::::::::\ ': \ _._ \:-::::::::::::\ :. | /|.-' /:::\ \::::::::\:::::| ': | | / |:::| `:::::::|:::::\ ': | `\ | __ |\::/\ `-:::-|::::::| ': | .`\ .\_.' `.__/ | |::::::\ ':. | \ ';:: /.-._ , / |:::::::| :. / ,`\;:: \'./0) |_.-/ ;:::::::| ': | \.`;::. `` | | \::::::/ :' / _\::::' / / \::::| :' / ,=:;::/ | \:::| :' | (='` // / | \::\ `: / '--' | /\ | \:::. `:_|.-"""-. \__.-'/::\ | '::::.:::...:::. '. /:::| | '::/::::::::::::. '-.__.:::::| | |::::::::::::\::..../::::::| / |:::::::::::::|::::/:::::::// \:::::::::::::|'::/::::::::/ /\::::::::::::/ /:::::::/:| |::';:::::::::/ |::::::/::; |:::/`-:::::;;-._ |:::::/::/ |:::| `-::::\ `|::::/::/ jgs |:::| \:::\ \:::/::/ /:::/ \:::\ \:/\:/ (_::/ \:::;__ \\_\\___ (_:/ \::):):)\:::):):) `" `""""` `""""""` Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? A: Odor in the court. Q: Why was the broom late? A: Because it overswept! Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? A: "Put it on my bill." Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? A: Because he was always spotted. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,-, ,**@**. /&&&-b\ / &&&/& \ / _!!_ \ / /]{ }[\ \ \| (~~~~) |/ /^\) (/^\ ( \\(@*)// ) ," (*@@*) ". / ,~(*@)~` \ ' ;: ' / : ; \ ' ;: ' ' : ' ' @ @ ': ,@. ,@. ;' ' '-=-' '-__-' '-=-' ' ' ' / \ ~=._ _,=~ `=-.__ __,-=' gpyy `-=.____,=-' My sister, went to the store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they've registered for video games." -<>- After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back." -<>- One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a young woman standing next to him smiling. Noticing the rather distinct bulge she asked, "What do you have in your pocket?" "Tennis ball," the man said, smiling back. "Wow!" said the woman looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was terrible!" -<>- A tourist on a diving charter off the coast of Florida asks the blond dive master: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blond replies: "Think about it! If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat." -<>- As we left the gym after our first real workout in years, my husband and I both felt energized. "Let's make a commitment to do it three times a week," I said. "Absolutely," my husband agreed, "three times at a minimum." "And no whining," I said. "No excuses." "No, we'll do it," he said enthusiastically, "you can count on it." "And on my late night, we can just meet here at the gym." "The gym?" my husband said, confused. "I thought we were talking about s%x?" -<>- Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily. "It's the tax auditor in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live." "He had to be told." said the second doctor. "I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!" ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >Quotes It is a sad fact that 50% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones! -- Richard Jeni I'm dating a guy who's 21. That's seven in boy years. -- Lois Goich I'm still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage. -- Laura Kightlinger I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebman -<>- ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b >Great analogy... For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon". In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. -<>- >Traffic Fine "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled the motorist as the police officer handed him a receipt for his speeding traffic fine. "Keep it," the officer advised. "When you get three of them, you get a bicycle." -<>- ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >Top Ten Southern Commandments (1) Just one God. (2) Honor yer Ma & Pa. (3) No telling tales or gossipin'. (4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting. (5) Put nothin' before God. (6) No foolin' around with another fellow's woman. (7) No killin'...No how. (8) Watch yer mouth. (9) Don't take what ain't yers. (10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff -<>- * _| __ (__ Question _) | * jgs >Q & A's 1. HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER? You boil the hell out of it. 2. WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL? Dam 3. WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS? Subordinate Clauses. 4. WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW? Spoiled milk 5. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE? Frostbite. 6. WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES? A nervous wreck 9. WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC? Sanka. 10. HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Over The Limit 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit2.html US Presidents And The Queen http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/queenofengland.html Linus The Wonder Horse! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wonderhorse.html Cute Little Ponies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/littlepony.html Amazing Photos 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazingphotos4.html Miniature Donkeys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minidonkey.html Embroidery Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/embroideryart.html Wall Mural Art 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart5.html Humorous Bumper Stickers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bumperstickers.html Only In Israel! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/israel.html Hot Air Balloons! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotair3.html Great Wall Of China! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwall.html High Tech Toys 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys3.html Red Panda Cub! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redpandacub.html Willie, Joe And Bill In WWII http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mauldin.html Sands Of Normandy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/normandy.html Normandy Then And Now! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/normandy2.html Troops INDEX!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html -<>- 19 Funny Bird Videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjIqSEJxiaU Carol Burnett Show outtakes - The Flasher https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qT9jmEUNxtk Best Carol Burnett Show Bloopers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2b5C6Xp3pwA Carol Burnett - Bust Ups, Bloopers & Blunders Pt. 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_gG3ajNc4s -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Life is full of surprises and sometimes they are caught on camera like these incredible moments. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRB762N2RH8 --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! The real life Sherlock Holmes is back with a jaw-dropping performance. How did he do that? America's Got Talent 2019 - The Champions https://youtu.be/lR75vqIcIY4 --- ...Love Sherlock Holmes! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked because Amazon instead sent him a rifle. Which means some- where a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch 'Real Housewives.'" -Conan O'Brien "According to a recent survey, 71 percent of men find it attractive when a woman offers to split the bill on a date. And zero percent of women find it attractive when that offer is accepted." -Seth Meyers "Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over the trademark of the name 'Kylie.' Yeah, the judge called the case 'not why I went to law school.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Blue Cross is partnering with Lyft to give people rides to the doctor. It costs $600. The drivers are specially trained, and - it's just an ambulance." -Jimmy Fallon "A company will make a life-size 3D printed model of yourself that you can send to your mom for $30,000. It's a great way of telling your mom I'd rather spend $30,000 than visit you in person." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study suggests that a chemical released when a person is hungry can lead to poor decision-making. It's what Taco Bell calls 'our entire business model.'" -Seth Meyers "Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you've been watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married." -Conan O'Brien "A company has come out with a robot that makes salad. So finally - a robot that's not going to take away any American jobs!" -Conan O'Brien "A new study released today shows that blotting pizza with a napkin to remove extra grease can remove an average of 40 calories per slice. So if you're looking for an easy way to lose weight, just eat that napkin." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************