Life Is Tough... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ /~~~~~~~~~~~~\_ _+=+_ _[~ /~~~~~~~~~~~~\_ {""|""} [~~~ [~ /~~~~~~~~~\_ """:-'~[~[~"~[~ ((++ [~ _/~~~~~~~~\_ '=_ [ ,==, ((++ [ /~~~~~~~\-~~~-. ~-_ _=+-( )/ ((++ .~~~.[~~~~( {@} \`. / }\ / ( } ( . ''} ( .+ \ / // ) / ., """"/ \\ \ \ ( .+~~\_ /.= /'"""" -r.millward- <"_V_"> \\ \ ~~~~~~\\ \ \\ \ \\ \ <"_V_"> <"_V_"> Ankylosaur *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) The hottie from a forward from our friend Linda takes us back to days gone by only to remind us that friendships are the same now as they were then. Everyone knows laughter is good medicine so live it up and Enjoy the video too... __--_ //~-----\|/ _----__ . / /-~~---~\\\ /______, | / `c ` . ||| | | | (.. _ ..|||| _O----| | \ _ _ | || `- |___| /~` `\ `__ _/ |||/||~~| .' '~\ |||||||--| | |_| |||||||( | |____| | |______``` |____``` | | | |_|_| .'\\,\\_) /_/___| W< Friends And Health http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html --- ...Awww, such an adorably sweet one! Thanks Linda! ========================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: ,_ _, |\\`-"""-`//| Kitty Hygiene \ :'.': / /=-(o) (o)-=\.=";```":, |= Y =|':. ': ':`. Please forward to cat lovers \'._.-'-._.'/ ': : : '\ everywhere who, like myself, { '. `'-'` .' } '/.:. ': \ are very concerned about {=. ` '-' ` .=} |:' .: \ =} kitty hygiene. { =. "=_ _=" .= }.=\:' .: | =} \= \ ` / =/'.=`'--; //= } jgs '._ `\=/` _.' (_.-=-=-=-'=.' 1. Thoroughly clean the \,,),,/ ( ,-==-==` toilet. `._) 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. (You may need to stand on the lid so he can not escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. .--. .--. 7. Stand behind the toilet as / /\ ". _......_ ." /\ \ much as you can and quickly / / ` ` \ \ lift both lids. ( ( /' _ __ `\ ) ) \ /| /0} {0\\ |\ / 8. The now-clean cat will rocket ` | / \/// | ` out of the toilet and run out- \ \ / \ / / side, where he will dry himself. `\ \| .==. |/ /' `\\.' \ / './/' Sincerely, jgs /`'._-^^-_.'`\ The Dog `""` ================================================================== >-->From our Friend Wesley :) __ _,-"~^"-. _// ) _,-"~` `. ." ( /`"-,-"` ; / 6 ; / , ,-" ; (,__.--. \ / ; //' /`-.\ | | `._________ _.-'_/` ) )--...,,,___\ \-----------,) ((("~` _.-'.-' __`-. ) // jgs ((("` (((---~"` // ((________________ `----""""~~~~^^^``` A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner. The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?" "No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze politician?" --- ...LOL! Thanks Wesley! =============================================================== >-->From TheMasti: $$ $ \O/$ $ | /_\ A Pay RAISE! _|___|_ _|___|___|_ _|___|___|___|_ _|___|___|___|___|_ _|___|___|___|___|___|_ _|___|___|___|___|___|___|_ |___|___|___|___|___|___|___| \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ | | | | | | | / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ hjm >*The Filipina maid asked for a pay increase*. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well, Mam, there are THREE REASONS why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.' Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?' Maria: 'Your husband say so.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you. Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you are a better cook than me?' Maria: 'Your husband did.' Wife: 'Oh. Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better than you in bed. Wife: (really furious now) 'Ah! Did my husband say that as well?' Maria: 'No Mam... Your driver says. Wife: 'Ok Ok, So how much do you want?' ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandy ... ____________________ | | | PSYCHIATRIC | | HELP | |____________________| || ,-..'``. || || (,-..'`. ) || || )-c - `)\ || ,.,._.-.,_,.,-||,.(`.-- ,`',.-,_,||.-.,.,-,._. ___||____,`,'--._______|| |`._||______`'__________|| | || __ || | || |.-' ,|- || _,_,,..-,_| || ._)) `|- ||,.,_,_.-.,_ . `._||__________________|| ____ . . . . . <.____`> .SSt . . . . . _.()`'()`' . >Life Is Tough! Thank Goodness I'm retired... The older we get....hmmmm * ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...) * TWO I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. * THREE A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!) * FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....' PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!! * FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. Brunette, by the way!! * SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......' Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!' ---- Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!! Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true... -<>- ,,,,, \ e e\ C _\/ |\\, )\_) \_ / _/|/_ _// ,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ / \_/ / / , | \_._,-" ( < _' | \ \ ', -',-~.-' _/ ) | |// | ' ' ) | | | | ._., - |.,_ // _\-' )___|__|_ '-._ b'ger /____\__\ Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70 and on to 80! 01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 03. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?" 05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 07. Things you buy now won't wear out. 08. You can eat supper at 4 PM. 09. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse. 15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 19. You can't remember who sent you this list. 20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. Forward this to every one you can remember right now! And never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night --- ...LMAO! Great Ones! Thanks Sandy! ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as >Be you! You were born to be real, not to be perfect. You are here to be you, not to live someone else's life. Every day you make some progress and every day You make a few mistakes. Through it all, your Wisdom continues to grow and your experience Continues to broaden. Be gentle with yourself. Accept who you are, Where you have been, and what you have to work With, for in this moment you can make positive Use of it all. Reach in and touch the purpose that makes you feel most alive. The world around you is filled with places where that purpose can do great things. It is never too late to offer y our unique and genuine gifts to life. Now is the time to do great things, Even in the smallest of ways. Choose to fully and graciously live life as it comes. The richest rewards by far are the ones to which You most sincerely give of yourself. -<>- __. I Know It's BLACK! /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ >Black & White In life, a lesson learned in your past that you will never forget completely. When I was in elementary school, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson learned that day. I was convinced that "I" was right and "he" was wrong - and he was just as convinced that "I" was wrong and "he" was right. The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson. She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. "White," he answered. I couldn't believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object. The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and told him to come stand where I had been. We changed places, and now she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, "White." It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side was it black. My teacher taught me a very important lesson learned that day: You must stand in the other person's shoes and look at the situation through their eyes in order to truly understand their perspective. --- ...Cool advice! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] >Body Facts This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were. 1. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream. 2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg. 3. The smallest is the male sperm. 4. You use 200 muscles to take one step. 5. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man. 6. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three. 7. A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands. 8. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball. 9. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades. 10. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica. 11. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. 12. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds. 13. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair. 14. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell. 15. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. 16. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil. 17. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body. 18. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born. 19. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate. 20. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people. 21. Generally, the more you blink, the more you are thinking. 22. Your thumb is the same length as your nose. 23. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test ... now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well. You did it -- I KNOW you did!!!!! --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- ._-'-_ . . ' /_-_-_\ ` . .' |-_-_-_-| `. ejm ( `.-_-_-.' ) !`. .'! ! ` . . ' ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! / / \ \ _-| \___ ___/ /-_ (_ )__\_)\(_/__( _) ))))\X\ (((( \/ \/ >JOE vs. JOSE You have two families: "Joe Legal" and "Jose Illegal". Both families have two parents, two children, and live in California. Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makes $25.00 per hour with taxes deducted. Jose Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15.00 cash "under the table". Ready? Now pay attention.... Joe Legal: $25.00 per hour x 40 hours = $1000.00 per week, or $52,000.00 per year. Now take 30% away for state and federal tax; Joe Legal now has $31,231.00. Jose Illegal: $15.00 per hour x 40 hours = $600.00 per week, or $31,200.0 0 per year. Jose Illegal pays no taxes. Jose Illegal now has $31,200.00. Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his family at $600.00 per month, or $7,200.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $24,031.00. Jose Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and local clinics and emergency hospitals at a cost of $0.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00. Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or welfare. Joe Legal pays $500.00 per month for food, or $6,000.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $18,031.00. Jose Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps, WIC and welfare. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00. Joe Legal pays rent of $1,200.00 per month, or $14,400.00 per year. Joe Legal now has 9,631 .00. Jose Illegal receives a $500.00 per month Federal Rent Subsidy. Jose Illegal pays out that $500.00 per month, or $6,000.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $ 31,200.00. Joe Legal pays $200.00 per month, or $2,400.00 for car insurance. Some of that is uninsured motorist insurance. Joe Legal now has $7,231.00. Jose Illegal says, "We don't need no stinkin' insurance!" and still has $31,200.00. Joe Legal has to make his $7,231.00 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, etc.. Jose Illegal has to make his $31,200.00 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, and what he sends out of the country every month. Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work. Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family. Joe Legal's and Jose Illegal's children both attend the same elementary school. Joe Legal pays for his children's lunches, while Jose Illegal's children get a government sponsored lunch. Jose Illegal's children have an after school ESL program. Joe Legal's children go home. Now, when they reach college age, Joe Legal's kids may not get into a State School and may not qualify for scholarships, grants or other tuition help, even though Joe has been paying for State Schools through his taxes, while Jose Illegal's kids "go to the head of the class" because they are a minority. Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services, but Joe paid for them and Jose did not pay. Do you get it, now? If you vote for or support any politician that supports illegal aliens... You are part of the problem! We need to keep this going--we need to make changes ASAP! It's way PAST time to take a stand for America and Americans! What are you waiting for? Pass it on. --- ...Sad situation eh? Thanks Jo Ann! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) . __ / \ . ' || ' . )J( .` || `. (8)7) . \ || / . (') .'/ _ \ .-''-. / _ \ (=) .' J `- .' .--. '. -` L The NO SPIN Zone! (') .' F======' ((<>)) '======J )J(' L '. `||' .' F (7(8) \ _.- `-||-' -._ / \'/ . / || \ . / | . / || \ . / | ` . _||_ . ` / |___________ _.-||_________ (()\.'| ___.....'''' ||._ .' \.`- .'. /__\/ .'| .'_______________________________.' || |'---------------------------'|==.|| ||.' || ||.' || ||===========================|| (__) || || (__) LGB (__) >Little by little (and sometimes not so little) the Muslims are taking over everything. BEWARE!! American company eliminates Labor Day Tyson Foods Eliminates Labor Day in favor of Muslim Holiday! How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you take over America? One American at a time. Tyson chicken anyone?? None for me thanks!!!! We all need to heed this message!!!!! Tyson Food in Shelbyville, Tennessee has eliminated Labor Day as a paid holiday in favor of the last day of Ramadan because they have 700 Muslim employees. Tennessee is the newest Hot-Bed for Muslim immigration. According to the 2010 Government Census more Muslims are flocking to Tennessee than any other state in the union. I will no longer purchase any Tyson products. It's just one more little chunk of America that's been bitten off. If you wish to join me, then let your e-mail friends know this. If we don't stand up for something we will fall for anything. All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. This was verified: http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/outrage.asp I did not believe even Snopes, so I checked it out myself: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0%2c2933%2c397645%2c00.html --- ...Mandipetes - Geesh! - It's getting bad. Sad -Sad! Thanks Johanna! =================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News :) [POLITICS] >From Grassfire: The truth about Obama's $1.5 Trillion in new taxes President Obama just today announced his deficit reduction plan which includes a reported $1.5 TRILLION in new taxes to go along with hundreds of billions in new government spending. And now Obama is pressuring the Super Committee to implement his spend and tax agenda. Paul, we predicted almost immediately after the Debt Deal Super Committee was formed that this new Committee would face enormous pressure to propose massive tax increases Now, it's official... The Left is DOUBLING-DOWN on their Big Government Tax and Stimulus plan and they are going to use the 12-member Super Committee to ram this through Congress! To make matters worse, the President is now pledging to veto anything coming out of the Super Committee that does not include tax increases! That means... #1 -- The deck is stacked. Tax increases are coming! #2 -- Unless you are one of the "lucky" citizens who is actually represented on the Super Committee, you will not have a voice in this massive Obama tax and spending increase. + + + Take Action Now Tomorrow, Grassfire Nation will begin delivering the results of our Stimulus Survey to key members of Congress. The results were overwhelming -- with 97% of 65,000 participants saying they oppose the new Obama Stimulus. Now, it's time for citizens to let their voices be heard directly to members of Congress. If you want to let your two Senators, their Representative and the 12 members of the Super Committee know where you stand, take a moment right now to utilize our FAXFIRE service. This is one of the best ways to get your message directly to members of Congress. Go here to schedule your faxes: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?U=50419&CID=166&RID=32409272 -<>- >From The TeaParty.net: Liberals Target African American War Hero With Vicious Attacks–Help Us Defend Him http://tinyurl.com/3k7cvg2 News, events, etc http://tinyurl.com/3zekw4x -<>- >From BizarreNews: If you wanted to find vampires where would you look? The sunshine state, of course! Police say a woman told a 69-year-old St. Petersburg, Florida man she was a vampire before biting off chunks of his face and lip. Do you still think vampires are sexy? Milton Ellis told police he was sleeping in his motorized wheelchair on the porch of a vacant Hooters (why not) when the attack happened. Police say the man woke up to find 22-year-old Josephine Rebecca Smith on top of him. Ellis escaped after the attack and called police who found Smith at the restaurant, half naked and covered in blood. The injuries to Ellis required stitches. The St. Petersburg Times reports Smith told police she had no idea what happened. She was arrested on a charge of aggravated battery on an elderly person. The moral of this story? Stay the hell away from vacant Hooters restaurants unless you enjoy being given stitches all over your face by half naked, 22-year-old vampire chicks! *-- Man sues White Castle for bigger chairs --* NANUET, N.Y. - A 290-pound New York state man suing his local White Castle restaurant for bigger seats claims the chain violated the Americans with Disabilities Act. Martin Kessman, 64, who weighs 290 pounds, said he first realized he couldn't fit into the stationary booths at the Nanuet White Castle in April 2009 and the restaurant responded to his written complaint with three "very condescending letters," the New York Post reported Monday. "In each letter was a coupon for three free hamburgers -- but the cheese was extra!" Kessman wrote in his lawsuit, which was filed in New York federal court last week. Kessman said restaurant officials promised to put in larger seats, but they have failed to follow through more than two years later. The Americans with Disabilities Act is "applicable, not only to me, but to pregnant women and to handicapped people," he said in the lawsuit. "I just want to sit down like a normal person," Kessman said. The lawsuit is seeking larger chairs at the eatery and unspecified damages. *-- Burglar takes shower, nap --* WICHITA, Kan. - Police in Kansas say a would-be burglar didn't get around to finishing his crime, instead taking a shower and a nap in the home. Wichita police said the 35-year-old homeless man, whose name was not released, collected items he planned to steal at the home Saturday afternoon, but never got the chance to leave with them because he was sleeping in a bedroom when the homeowners arrived, The Wichita Eagle reported Tuesday. Police Lt. Steve Kenney said the couple called police and officers discovered the man, who had taken a shower and was partially dressed in clothing belonging to the husband, hiding in a closet. The suspect was arrested and taken to the Sedgwick County Jail. *-- Woman has 20 feet of nails on each hand --* NEW YORK - A Las Vegas woman who has been growing her fingernails out for 18 years was certified as a Guinness World Record holder in New York. Chris "The Dutchess" Walton, 45, who has nearly 20 feet of fingernails on each hand, said during her visit to New York she started growing her nails out 18 years ago and never got around to cutting them, the New York Daily News reported Thursday. "I'm pretty sure one day I will cut them, but I can't see it in my head because I'm so used to having them," Walton said. "It's like a leg, I wouldn't just chop it off so it's gonna take some thinking." Guinness said Walton will appear in the 2012 Book of World Records for having the world's longest nails. The previous record holder, Lee Redmond, lost her 28 feet of nails in a 2009 car crash, Guinness said. *-- Drunk elk walks off with swing set --* STOREBRO, Sweden - Authorities in Sweden said an elk got drunk from eating fermented apples and walked off with a family's backyard swing set. A Storebro homeowner told police he arrived home Wednesday to discover bits of apple littering his garden and his children's backyard swingset missing, the Swedish news agency TT reported Thursday. Police suspected an inebriated elk, a common site in Sweden when the apples begin to ferment, to be behind the incident and called a local hunter to track the animal. The hunter and police were unable to track down the elk, but the swingset was found propped against a tree in the woods. ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` While working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot. "NO! NO! NO!" she screamed. "Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That's not polite behavior." At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!" -<>- One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?" -<>- Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way. They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?" -<>- On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die." -<>- .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry." Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head. "This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree." -<>- I knew I had been in the military too long when my five-year- old daughter sang her version of "Silent Night." It went like this: "Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright, Round yon virgin mother and child, Holy infantry, tender and mild..." -<>- The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics." -<>- ___ \\|| ,'_,-\ ;'____\ || =\=| || - | ,---'._--''-,,---------.--.----_, / `-._- _--/,,| ___,,--'--'._< No ROMAN! /-._, `-.__;,,|' / ;\ / , ; / ,' | _ - ',/, ; ( ( | /, ,,; \ \ | ',,/,; \ \ | /, / ,; (| ,^.| / ,, ,/; `-'./ `-._,, ,/,; ´-._ `-._,,; jrei |/,,`-._ `-. |, ,;, ,`-._\ One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year. "Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested. "I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it." ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend James :) ______ |o | ! __ |:`_|---'-. |__|______.-.'_'.-----.| (o)(o)------''._.' (O) LGB >Poor Old Billy-Bob Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?" "Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the Ol' Lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist suggested I do 'something sexy to a tractor'. [Don't make me come splain this to you! ---Read the last line again, slowly.] --- ...Oh Brother! LOL! Thanks James! =============================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: >QUICK JOKES _.,_ ,-'.' .`-, ;; '. ' `. ;` - _ _,-; ' ; `. ,% .-, - *click* ,_.,-'` ';; ; : ;%' | | \ ___ _._,-`'\ `'-`' _.,' `. ) __,--`-,,`' ,._,.-`-., _.,-.--.-,`''` | _| |__ `---'////\ / .-, `-`-^--`'^`-...,,| | |.,/ //\)(/ `-\.-. | `-' ( .-; | | ,. `-~ ~~-. `._.' ,/ / `~ ~~~ ~~ /,.`) // / /_ `/ ( `/ `-' mic Irritated Wife: What do you mean by coming home half drunk? Hubby: It's not my fault...I ran out of money. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex? Q. How may men does it take to change a light bulb? A. Five, one to force it with a hammer and four to take him to the emergency room. QUOTE FOR TODAY "To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost." Gustave Flaubert (1821 - 1880) ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^ Confessions from a travel agent working with the US Congress (And these are the people running our Country!): I had a New Hampshire congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the airplane so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. ***************************** I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. She interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response .(click). **************************** A senior Vermont congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!!!" ***************************** I got a call from a lawmakers wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map." ************************ An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if they could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed they only had a 1 hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time." ********************************** An Illinois congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am and got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that! ******************************** A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She eplied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight, I think that is very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. ***************************************** A lady senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!!" ********************************* A senior senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" **************************************** A New Mexico congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal", she admitted!!! -<>- o=(=(=(=(=(=(=)=)=)=)=o !-'-'-'-/_\-'-'-'-! ! ! , /___\` ! !! !!! , / | \` ! ! !! ,|___|___` !!! !_,| |_______|` `_! !-`| | | |,-! !!!! | | ! !! !!!! | | !!!! !!!!_|_______|_!!!! !!!!___________!!!! !!!! !!!! !!!! !!!! !!!! !!!! ejm !!!! !!!! >I DON"T DO 1. I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. 2. I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll feel terrible and they may sue me. 3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because .... they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say. 4. I don't disturb cobwebs because . I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby loves spiders. 5. I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous. 6. I don't plant a garden because ... I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer. 7. I don't put things away because ... my husband will never be able to find them again. 8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner. 9. I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press". 10. I don't stress much on anything because ... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!! -<>- _ _ //\ /\\ // \______ / \\ // / \ \\ // / \ \\ // / sSSSs \ \\ //_ / sSSSsSs \ _\\ //`_\ Ss. . s /_,\\ // \` Ss\ _ /Ss , / \\ // / \ \sSs_) (_sSs/ / \ \\ // / \_|_ \ / _|_/ \ \\ \\ / sS\ _^_ /ss \ // \\/ ) ( \// `===========================' drx/ejm >Things on Martha Stewart's To-Do List 30> Warm up the glue gun for show on "Adding Pinnace to plain License Plates." 29> Finally schedule that much anticipated show segment on "locks and how to pick them" with neighborhood locksmith Ralph Cooper. 28> Get Martha Stewart line of "prison craft" kits into immediate production. 27> See if "Martha Stewart Living" TV studio set could be miniaturized to fit into a 44 sq. ft. Prison cell. 26> Call Aunt Jamaima to see if she wants to buy a bunch of Omnimedia shares and take over as hostess of a popular TV show. 25> Convince stockholders that the "Prison Population" is a whole new demographic untouched and unexploited by other designers. 24> Create new Martha Stewart Venetian Blind line with "prison Bar" motif. 23> Schedule hair and nails; think about going short-short for a prison "do". 22> Begin preparations for inevitable jailhouse conversion to Islam. 21> Dump Omnimedia stock before word gets out about the Sentence. 20> Cut deal for lucrative post-war Iraqi Halal catering contract. 19> Send that nice judge a quilt handmade with $50 bills. 18> Berate domestic staffers while I still can. 17> Note to self: Next time, bury insider-trading memos in my all-natural recycling compost heap. 16> Shoot prosecuting attorneys and have them stuffed for throw pillows. 15> Accept offer to do Better Jails and Prisons Front Cover. 14> Offer large reward for palatable crow recipe. 13> Start crocheting toilet-seat doilies, because that stainless steel is probably cold in the morning. 12> Cover paper trail leading to al-Qaeda. 11> Request a prison where the uniforms have vertical, not horizontal, stripes because they make you look slimmer. 10> Test whether a little club soda and lemon juice can remove stains from a reputation. 9> Possible strategy for appeal: Blame it all on Scott Peterson! 8> Bake a seven-layer white-chocolate cake with framboise ganache. Place file between layers. Freeze. 7> Start work on new book: "Minimum Security With Maximum Flair." 6> Start marketing new "Martha Stewart Prison Personal Hygiene line." 5> Remember... Outside: "And that's a GOOD thing!" Inside: "Yit be da bomb, yo!" 4> Try to take that snob Betty Crocker down with me. 3> Roll around in a huge pile of money one last time before going off to jail. 2> Inform High Emperor that climate on this planet has changed; request transfer back to home Planet. and the Number 1 Thing on Martha Stewart's To-Do List... 1> Come up with 50 new shades of prison gray for Martha Stewart Paints. -<>- _______________ |,----------. |\ || |=| | || || | | || . _o| | | __ |`-----------' |/ /~/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / / ~~ Ojoshiro >WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him." -<>- >UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. -<>- __ __/ \__ / \__/ \ \__/..\__/ / \__/ \ \__/ \__/ \__/ || || || .'/.'\.'. ..'.'..'..'.'. Imran >MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury*, isn't it? The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here. * Pillsbury is a flour mix -<>- >WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." -<>- >WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" -<>- >CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) * ~ * F O O D F O R T H O U G H T * ~ * `. ` \/ ! \/ , .' I fear that this addiction > _ _ <- Is never going to stop - > |_)_ |_)| < - I eat so many choccies _ > .| (_)| o. <- That one day I'm going to pop! ' \ ` _ ' > /\ > /\ . .' ! : ` _,-. .' _ \ ,' (_) \_ _.-|`-._ \""--._ .' .-(=._ `-._ \""-. `. What I need is exercise / / | `=. `-._\ \ \ And something that will take | | `-._ `=._ | . | |My mind off all these thoughts of chocs \ \ ;' .,`--._ `=| ' / / And 'Death By Chocolate Cake'..... `._``--..._____`--'-''_.' `--.._________..--' >Health Benefits from Being Overweight A new report suggests that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits. 1] Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates. 2] Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report. 3] Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. And an extra fifty pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold, and reduce global warming. In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier. The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Starbucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Viv! -<>- THIS IS SOOO COOL. CLICK ON LINK BELOW; BUT FIRST READ ABOUT THE CHANGES YOU CAN MAKE (INSTRUCTIONS JUST BELOW LINK).. ,| / ; / \ : ,'( |( `.\ : \ `\ \. \ `. | `. \ `-._ ; \ \ ``-.'.. _ `._ `. `-. ```-...__ .'`. --.. ``-..____ ,'.-'`,_-._ (((( -->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Humorous Ads! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html God's Paintings 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpaints2.html Chinese Wal-Mart! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html Aww Animals 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals6.html When Artists Get Bored! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored.html Balloon Party! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/party.html Houses For Hermits! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/house.html Look Who's Talking 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking5.html We've All Been There! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catbox.html World's Largest Web! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/web.html -<>- >From Our Friend John-Paul :) He sent us one we have here... Proud Of Our Troops 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html --- ...A sweet reminder! Thank You John-Paul! -<>- >From Our Friend Viv :) Different Presidents, A Different Corps http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIHz5tevLAw --- ...TeeHee! They know! Thanks Viv! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) dog and dolphin http://tinyurl.com/25bn65r --- ...Very heartwarming!! Love It! Thank You PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) time lapse video from the space station http://goo.gl/aGVgQ --- ...Wow! Pretty Cool! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Bud Light Cat http://www.buffaloschips.com/1211.htm Bud Light Frisbee http://www.buffaloschips.com/1212.htm Bud Ads http://www.buffaloschips.com/1213.htm Buddy Greene Harmonica http://www.buffaloschips.com/1215.htm Bud Light Clown http://www.buffaloschips.com/1216.htm Digital Video Services http://www.buffaloschips.com/50211.htm Bowotox http://www.buffaloschips.com/50212.htm Gettin Clean http://www.buffaloschips.com/50213.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Krispy Kreme announced they're coming out with a low-fat, 180 calorie, whole wheat doughnut. They're calling this amazing whole wheat doughnut a bagel." --Conan O'Brien "A German airline is offering nude flights. What a tremendous idea. How many times have you been on a flight and looked around and said, 'Gee, if only I could see these people naked.'" -David Letterman "A state senator in Florida wants to outlaw the term 'illegal alien' because it's insensitive. They want to go with the more politically correct term, 'WalMart-ian.'" -Jay Leno "I was reading about this self help book, 'The Secret,' written by an Australian reality producer. One fan of the book said it stopped her panic attacks and doubled her acupuncture business. I'm thinking, 'Who's going to go see a panicky acupuncturist?'" -Craig Ferguson "Congratulations to the new Miss Universe. It's Miss Puerto Rico. Is it just me or does it seem like the winner is always from earth?" -Dave Letterman "I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito." -Mitch Hedberg "I hate waking up every morning to my alarm. I always bang my head on the steering wheel." --Scott Wood "Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?" -Lisa Claymen >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************