Life's Insights And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I Hope you had a GREAT and SAFE 4th of July celebration :) -<>- >I've been making new friends on MyYearBook.com site. It is like MySpace but has some additional fun stuff to do. We have some of our group friends there too so it is all the more enjoyable! You can visit me on there here: http://www.myyearbook.com/shangy If you are there, please let me know, it is difficult for me to know who is who on that site -<>- If You Haven't Already, PLEASE Take A Moment to... Sign My New Guestbook! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html *~* Lots Of Thanks And Hugs! God Bless You Abundantly! --- ...I ESPECIALLY THANK YOU WHO Graciously Signed it! {{{HUGS}}} -<>- >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press... We have two new art pages that come to us from our friend Jo Ann. She has been sending us several lately along with others kind enough to share with us. We eventually will have several great new pages! I am excited but know it's one of those 'I'm Working On It' things. So even I have to be patient with myself ;) This first one the minute I saw it, I knew I wanted to do a page up for it. I just had to wait for the 'Shangy' press to cool down a bit. It is so Hot, I had to have Smokey the Bear guard over it just to make sure it didn't get out of control! It is definitely Smokin! See for yourself... Matchstick Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/matchstick.html I saw this next one and knew I had a perfect graphic to go with it, so I could not resist. I think it turned out lovely ... What do You think? Visit it here: Flower Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerart.html --- ...Thank You so much Jo Ann! We greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness in thinking of us! {{HUGS}} to all you who have been sharing with us! =============================================================== >From The FunnyBone: I Tried It Once But Didn't Like It A sales representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift. "No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn't like it." __________________________________ / || /\ The sales rep shows his | (()) |: display case and then, \__||_____________________________\/ hoping to clinch a sale, \ offers to take the manger out for martinis. .\"""""""""-. "No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "I \`\-------'`/ tried alcohol once, but didn't like it." \ \__ o . / \/ \ o/ Then the salesman glances out the officer window \__/. / and sees a golf course. "I suppose you play golf", \_ _/ says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be Y a guest at my club." | | "No, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf jgs _.-' '-._ once, but I didn't like it." `---------` Just then a young man enters the office. "Let me introduce my son, Bill," says the plant manager. "Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?" ================================================================== +---------------------- BIZARRE BOOKS ---------------------+ Real Books... Unreal Titles! Teach Yourself Sex; 1951 Teach Yourself Alcoholism; 1975 How To Become a Schizophrenic; 1992 How To Avoid Huge Ships; 1993 How To Abandon Ship; 1942 How To Do It; or, Directions for Knowing or Doing Everything Needful; 1864 ============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: ____________________ | | | PSYCHIATRIC | | HELP | |____________________| || ,-..'``. || || (,-..'`. ) || || )-c - `)\ || ,.,._.-.,_,.,-||,.(`.-- ,`',.-,_,||.-.,.,-,._. ___||____,`,'--._______|| |`._||______`'__________|| | || __ || | || |.-' ,|- || _,_,,..-,_| || ._)) `|- ||,.,_,_.-.,_ . `._||__________________|| ____ . . . . . <.____`> .SSt . . . . . _.()`'()`' . Life's Insights [Many from TV - And We Watch This Stuff??] "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) (On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." - Bruce Willis "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'" - Sandra Bullock "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'" -Jason Alexander from Seinfeld "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." -Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winnner 1996) "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." - Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State) "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." - Dan Rather (News anchorman) "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" - Arnold Schwarzenegger "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." - Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends") "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead) "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses) "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." - Rev. Jesse Jackson "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b." - Jack Nicholson A girl says to a salesman, “I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker.” He says, “Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?” =================================================================== >-->And We Think TV is Bad for us... From BizarreNews... .-. o \ .-. .----.' \ .'o) / `. o / | \_) /-. '_.` \ \ `. | \ | \ | I've come to visit ya .--/`-. / / .'.-/`-. `. .\| /.' /`._ `- '-. ____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \ |`------.'-._ ` ||\ \ || # /-. ` / || \| || #/ `--' / /_::_|)__ `|____|-._.-` / ||`--------` \-.___.` | / || # | \ | | || # # | /`.___.'\ |.`|________| | /`.__.'|'.` __/ \ __/ \ /__.-.) /__.-.) LGB Remember the old saw about not using public restrooms because you might get crotch rot or butt fungus from the toilet? As it turns out...if that public bathroom is in a restaurant or bar you might be better off using the toilet than ordering a drink. In a test of ice cubes from 49 fast-food and casual-dining restaurants and hotel bars in the city and suburbs, the Chicago Sun-Times found that more than one of every five samples contained high levels of bacteria. By comparison, a water sample taken from a toilet in a men's room tested cleaner than the ice obtained at 21 of the restaurants and bars. Nearly all of the ice tested that came from self-serve ice machines had low levels of bacteria or none at all. Hotel lobby bars, where ice is often transported by and handled by multiple people, didn't test as well: Three of four bars tested had ice with high levels of bacteria. "It's not like you'll see people dropping over dead or huge numbers getting sick because it's going to take just the right bacteria and the right person to make them ill," said Penn State University's Brian Swistock, co-author of the university's publication "Water Tests: What Do the Numbers Mean?" But high bacteria levels such as those found in some of the ice cube samples might help explain some of the stomach ills people get. Well, I'm suddenly hungry. Who wants to go to lunch? The iced tea is on me. Bizarrely, Lewis ---- . ' . ' .( '.) ' _ ('-.)' (`'.) ' |0|- -(. ')`( .-`) (-') .--`+'--. . (' -,).(') . |`-----'| (' .) - ('. ) | | . (' `. ) | .-. | ` . ` | (0.0) | | >|=|< | | `"` | | | jgs| | `-.___.-' ...Maybe we all should become more like Adrian Monk? Scary huh? ================================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: Marry Rich A daughter comes home from the Peace Corps in Uganda and surprises her Mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoth ball soup. The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter. Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing." Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married." "Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that without telling me? What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?" "He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you." "What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law." The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod piece, an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very tall spear in an upright position. The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both cheeks and screams, "Dummy, Stupid, Idiot. .I said RICH doctor!" -<>- Fear of Flying Our Presbyterian pastor preached a wonderful sermon that included scripture on predestination. A short time later a wonderful lady from our church was approached 1about why she preferred to drive instead of flying on a long trip to visit her family. She answered tersely, "It's notthat I have fear of flying, it just that I'm afraid of being on the plane with a Presbyterian whose time has come." -<>- - TRY THIS - Think of a number. Multiply it by 3. Now add 5. Take away the number you first thought of. Now add 7. Subtract 2. Add back the number you first thought of. Now, close your eyes. Dark, isn't it? -<>- Pessimism ========= A pessimist is an optimist with experience. --------------------------------------------------- Man who looks for a pink slip before the money in his pay envelope. --------------------------------------------------- Pessimism wouldnt work *any*way. --------------------------------------------------- A pessimist is someone who feels bad when he feels good, for fear hell feel even worse when he feels better. --------------------------------------------------- A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. Don Marquis --------------------------------------------------- The man who is a pessimist before fourth-eight knows too much; the man who is an optimist after fourty-eight knows too little. Mark Twain --------------------------------------------------- Pessimism, when you get used to it, is just as agreeable as optimism. Arnold Bennett --------------------------------------------------- There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist. Mark Twain --------------------------------------------------- A pessimist is a man who thinks all woman are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are. Chauncey Depew --------------------------------------------------- A pessimist is just an optimist who has received his degree from the school of hard knocks. --------------------------------------------------- An optimist invented the jet; a pessimist, the ejection seat. --------------------------------------------------- An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist cant remember the last time he laughed. --------------------------------------------------- The pessimist calls the police to report a disturbance of the peace when opportunity knocks. --------------------------------------------------- Blessed are the pessimists for they have already invested in a tape backup. --------------------------------------------------- The pessimist is just a verbose realist. --------------------------------------------------- No sense being a pessimist. That value system probably wouldnt work anyway. --------------------------------------------------- Pessimists make poor bankers. They dont expect their money back. Corollary : Look for a pessimist from whom to borrow. --------------------------------------------------- The pessimist is rarely disappointed. --------------------------------------------------- How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb? --- None, its just a waste of time since tthe new one probably wont work either. --- None, why bother, the new one will eveentually burn out as well. --- None, the burned out one is probably sstuck and can=B4t be removed. --------------------------------------------------- A typical pessimist joke: How does one make God laugh? Tell him your plans for the future. --------------------------------------------------- Pessimism is the one ism which kills the soul. John Buchan (1875-1940) --------------------------------------------------- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybodys as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. G. B. Shaw (1856-1950) --------------------------------------------------- Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both. Oscar Wilde (1856-1900) -<>- _________________________ || || || || || ||, , ,|| || || (||/|/(\||/ || || ||| _'_`||| || || || o o || || || (|| - `||) || || || = || || ScS || ||\___/|| || ||___||) , (||___|| /||---||-\_/-||---||\ / ||--_||_____||_--|| \ (_(||)-| S123-45 |-(||)_) |"""""""""""""""""""""""""""| | "Honest, ossifer, I don't | |'member whips, chains, and | | leather womens....*burp*" | """"""""""""""""""""""""""" >Banned Every year Lake Superior State in Michigan - issues a list of words or phrases that should be banned from the English language. Here's the list for 2004, along with some edited commentary: "Metrosexual" ... describes an urban male who pays too much attention to his appearance. Frankly, there are already enough words to describe this sort of thing. "X" ... not really a word, but marketers have grabbed on to it to get the attention of the Generation X demographic. X-Files, Xtreme, Windows XP, and X-Box are but a few examples. "Punked" ... as in bamboozled, duped, flim-flammed, or hornswoggled. An old noun given new life as a verb. Kill it before it grows. "Place Stamp Here" ... It appears on 99% of all return envelopes along with the warning that "The Post Office will not deliver without postage." Can we legitimately claim to be a superpower if we need to be reminded about where to put a stamp on an envelope? And if you can't do that, isn't actually paying the bill the least of your worries? "Companion Animals" ... Helloooo! They're called *pets.* "Bling or Bling-Bling" ... this once slang street term for items of luxury has become so overused your mother might even use it, and nothing could kill the mystique of a word faster. Bling bling? Hate it. Hate it. "LOL" ... and other e-mail/instant messenger speak. These shortcuts to English are decimating what's left of the language. Does anyone actual laugh out loud as they type that? "Embedded Journalist" ... as a matter of objectivity, no journalist should ever be embedded in any organization on which he or she has to report. It seems to be a "hip" way of saying "at the scene." The next time I hear it used by the media, I'm going to embed my foot in the TV. "Smoking Gun" ... let's give the 21-gun salute to this overused analogy. "Shock and Awe" ... I can't wait until it hits the mainstream, as in "Shock and Awe Pool Cleaner." "Captured Alive" ... you ever hear of anyone who has captured dead? "Shots rang out" ... shots don't ring unless you're standing too close to the muzzle, and in that case, you don't need a reporter to tell you about it. "Ripped from the headlines" ... kicking and screaming, no doubt. "Sweat like a pig" ... ummm, pigs don't sweat. That's why they roll in the mud. To cool themselves. Duh!! "In Harm's Way" ... who is Harm? And why would you want to get in his way? Nosiree....not me! "Hand-Crafted Latte" ... This compound is an insult to generations of skilled craftspeople who have mustered the effort and discipline to create something beautiful by hand. To apply "hand-crafted" to the routine tasks of the modern-day equivalents of soda jerks, cheapens the whole concept of handicraft. "Sanitary Landfill" ... ever been to one? "Sanitary" is not the first word that leaps to mind. ======================================================== >-->In The Worldly News :) >From LifeScript: _.(-)._ .' '. / \ |'-...___...-'| \ '=' / `'._____.'` The Woman's Guide to Grilling / | \ /.--'|'--.\ []/'-.__|__.-'\[] | jgs [] Men rule the barbecue and women belong in the kitchen. Throw that theory on the fire! Today’s gals are blurring the traditional cooking gender lines and grabbing the tongs to “man” the grill. Not only has the popularity of barbecuing skyrocketed in the last few years, but nearly 21 million women reported doing more grilling than their significant other, according to a 2007 Propane Education & Research Council survey. “Grilling and barbecuing is the best way to prepare food, bar none,” says Elizabeth Karmel, author of Taming the Flame: Secrets for Hot-and-Quick Grilling and Low-and-Slow BBQ (Wiley, 2005). If you’re still too intimidated to step up to the grill, read on… http://www.lifescript.com/HA/58460_4238409_13563_0.htm 'Common Sense' Steps Keep MRSA at Bay in the Gym NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Following a few simple rules can help people avoid catching the drug-resistant "superbug" MRSA at the gym, a physician specializing in infections diseases says. "The real bottom line is common sense hygiene," Dr. Jorge Parada of Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine in Maywood ... http://www.lifescript.com/HA/58462_4238409_13563_0.htm Training Boosts Cancer Patients' Quality of Life NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Physical training should be included in rehabilitation programs for cancer patients, Dutch researchers say. After being treated for cancer, people showed significant improvements in physical function and vitality for up to three months after completing a 12-week training program. They also felt ... http://www.lifescript.com/HA/58463_4238409_13563_0.htm -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: Dead lawn could yield $746 fine A Sacramento couple said they have been threatened with a $746 fine after they let their lawn die in an attempt to save water. Anne Hartridge and Matt George said they decided to stop watering their lawn after California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger declared a statewide drought emergency June 4, the Sacramento Bee reported. "The whole water conservation ethic is very important to me," Hartridge said. However, Hartridge said a neighbor complained before she could make new landscaping plans and the Code Enforcement Department slapped her and her husband with a citation after the grass went brown. The citation declared their home a "public nuisance" under city code section 17.68.010, which requires front yards to be "irrigated, landscaped and maintained." The couple said they were told a $746 fine is in their future unless they do something about the dead lawn. Hartridge said she has covered the dead grass with redwood mulch but she does not know if that will allow the home to pass a re-inspection. She said the city told her it would send her information on how to bring her lawn into compliance but the information never arrived. Toy auction includes Bond, Starsky cars A Knutsford, England, auctioneer has announced a planned auction of toy cars including replicas of vehicles from James Bond films and TV's "Starsky and Hutch." Marshall auctioneers representative Peter Ashburner said it took 10 trips in an estate car to move all of the toys from the home where they were kept by their previous owner, a recently deceased 70-year-old man, The Times of London reported. Ashburner said there were toys in every room of the house. "He was most interested in circus toys and had model carousels and a collection of Corgi Chipperfield circus trucks and carriages," he said. He predicted the collection will draw bids of more than $20,000 at the July 8 auction. ,--./,-. /,-._.--~\ __} { Police 'waste' $10,000 on apple core case \`-._,-`-, `._,._,' hjw A British man arrested for allegedly dropping an apple core said police wasted nearly $10,000 investigating him before dismissing a littering charge. Keith Hirst, 54, a former plumber with heart problems, was taken into police custody April 21, after an officer accused him of letting an apple core fall to the ground, the Telegraph reported. Police took a DNA sample from Hirst, got his fingerprints and jailed him for 18 hours, the newspaper said. Hirst received medical attention twice while being held because he said he was experiencing chest pain and dizziness. Hirst was scheduled to go to court in coming days, but officials said charges of littering and obstructing a police officer against him have been dismissed. Officials are believed to have spent about $10,000 on police labor and other preparatory efforts in Hirst's case, the newspaper said. Hirst said he thinks the "whole thing has been a complete waste of money." -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Peeping tom victims told to fix blinds ---------- SEATTLE - A Seattle man accused of peering at his young female neighbors with binoculars couldn't help it because the women's blinds were up, his wife says. Police reported the man acknowledged watching the neighbor women through their uncovered windows, but the man's wife defended him, saying the women left their blinds up and were "putting on a show" by walking around naked, the Seattle Times reported Wednesday. Officers didn't cite the man and told the neighbor women, whose ages were not provided, to get their blinds fixed, the newspaper said. The report noted that the women said the blinds were broken but that they would ask their landlord to make repairs. -- Man in underwear chases burglars ------------ WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah - A shotgun-wielding man in West Valley City, Utah, chased a pair of burglars from his home while wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts, police said. Tony Gamonal grabbed a shotgun and gave chase when the burglars fled from his home, The Salt Lake Tribune reported. Police arrived on the scene and Gamonal helped apprehend a suspect while the second suspect managed to escape. Gamonal said he didn't realize until after the suspect was arrested that he was outside in his underwear. "I looked down and said, 'oh man... here I am,'" he said. He said this was the second time in two weeks that his home had been burglarized. He said he intends to protect his home at all times, regardless of his attire. "If you can't be safe in your own home, where can you be?" Gamonal said. "There was no doubt; I was so mad that I would have shot them." -- Oregon woman scuffles with black bear ---------- PORTLAND, Ore. - An Oregon woman suffered minor injuries following an altercation with a black bear that was eating sunflower seeds on her porch. Dora Sue, 58, of Sandy, said the bear charged after she yelled at it to stop eating the seeds she was storing in an aluminum garbage can, KGW-TV, Portland, reports. Police say the bear swiped at Sue injuring her arm, foot and thigh before running off. She was treated at a hospital for scratches and a puncture wound. "I'm not a screamer but I screamed and I made a lot of noise," Sue told the station. Employees of the Oregon Department of Fish & Wildlife were called in to place a bear trap in the area near the woman's home. ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Hudson, Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind. Dear Hudson Middle School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Hudson Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless your for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a million pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said, "Drop dead!" Thanks again! Sincerely, Edna -<>- A few years ago I was standing in the check-out line of a local clothing store with my then six year old daughter. While I was writing the check to pay for my purchase, my daughter began tugging on my jacket. "Daddy," she said softly. "Yes baby?" I answered her. "Do you smell something?" she asked innocently. "No, I don't," I replied. She got this evil little grin on her face as she said, "You will." -Dennis Weiskircher -<>- _.-"""-, .' ..::. `\ / .::' `'` / / .::' .--.=; | ::' / C ..\ | :: | \ _.) \ ':| / \ '-, \./ \)\) `-| );/ jgs '--'-' My aunt's young family with two boys ages 3 and 4, had attended church one spring morning. As they left the church the pastor said, "Well, look at you boys, all bright eyed & bushy tailed!" Joe the older boy loudly announced, "We don't got tails; we've got Dinkys!" My aunt was mortified. -Patty Bauman -<>- _ __/") __ ________(___/__(_ \ \ \ (") _ ( \ ) ) ("/ _ / ) ( ( \") My son took his two-year-old boy, Gavin, fishing. He baited a worm on to Gavin's hook and tossed it out into the water. After a long time with no bites, he had Gavin reel in and my son tossed it back out. This was repeated several times, no bites. Some other people had caught some fish, but Gavin had nothing. Finally it was time to go, they reeled in for the last time. Gavin looked at the worm and stated matter of factly, "I think my worm is defective." -Clarence Calkins -<>- A surgical patient was given the usual postoperative instruct- ions. That night she called, wanting to know if her mother could visit. "Any time," the doctor replied. "Why do you ask?" "It says here in your instructions, 'no relations until after your post-op checkup.' ============================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ** Going To Sunday School ** A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. ,-. O / `. <\/ `. |* `. / \ `. / / `>')3s, --------. ,' apc / 7 To which the boy replied, "Yes he did, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us. -<>- ____________________________ / /\ / Argiris A. Kranidiotis _/ /\ / / \/ / /\ /___________________________/ / \___________________________\/ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ ** IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE LIKE A COMPUTER ** ** If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over! ** To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! ** If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend". ** Hit "any key" to continue life when ready. ** To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. ** To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel. ** To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings. ** If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers. ** When you lose your car keys, click on "find". ** "Help" with the chores is just a click away. ** You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your diskette to recover from a crash. ** We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately. ** To feel like a new person, click on "refresh". ** Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse. ** To undo a mistake, click on "back". ** Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update". ** If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete". -<>- ,--~~~````~---, _i ` `--,`i_ _i,`~i~-, ; i i_ i``~``~` i i i_ _,,---~~``~~~~'----,,i__ __i_i ,` `~-, _,--';;iiiiiii i_,,--'~i_,,--~~~`` `;;;``~ii .` _ '; _i ; `"~~` '` i ; `~i~ ` i_ `i ,~ i_ `-,_.,-` i`-,,_ _,,-i__ _,` `i-,_ _,i~` ```~~`` axbACiD ** BE A KID AGAIN ** ~~~~~For a pick-me-up we all can afford... ** Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today. ** Grow a milk mustache. ** Open a pack of cupcakes and give one to a friend even though you wanted both of them for yourself. ** Have a staring contest with your cat. ** Kiss a frog just in case. ** Make a face the next time somebody tells you "no." ** Ask "Why?" a lot. ** Believe in fairy tales. ** Have someone read you a story. ** Wear your favorite shirt with your favorite pants even if they don't match. ** Do a cartwheel. ** Hide your vegetables under your napkin. ** Make a "slurpy" sound with your straw when you get to the bottom of a milkshake. ** Sit really still for as long as the dog (or cat) is asleep in your lap. ** Find some pretty stones and save them. ** Stick your head out the car window and moo if you see a cow. ** Walk barefoot in wet grass. ** Giggle at nude statues in a museum. ** Make cool screeching noises every time you turn. ** Count the colors in a rainbow. ** Fuss a little, then take a nap. ** Take a running jump over a big puddle. ** Giggle a lot for no real reason. ** Do that tap-someone-on-the-shoulder-while-you-stand-on- their-opposite-side-and-they-turn-around-and-no-one's- there thing. ** Enjoy your all-time favorite candy-bar. (Forget you've heard of calories!) ** Throw something and when it lands make a cool exploding bomb noise. ** Squish some mud between your toes. ** Buy yourself a helium balloon. ** Put an orange slice in your mouth, peel side out, and smile at people. ** Be a kid again... -<>- _____________ | ___ ___ ___ | ||_=_|_=_|_=_|| ||____===____|| ||____===____|| _|_____________|_ | _______________ | ||.-----___-----.|| The Most Useful Tools For Today's Handyman |||_____________||| ||.-----___-----.|| |||_____________||| ||.-----___-----.|| |||_____________||| ||.-------------.|| ||| ||| ||| .===. ||| |||_____________||| ''==============='' (o)LGB (o) ** Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. ** Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. ** Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels. ** Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. ** Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. ** Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. ** Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911. ** Chain saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. ** Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice. -<>- ** Opportunity Knocking ** An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards." -<>- ** How Can You Tell ** Son: Dad, do you think that the American Indians were superior to the white men who took this land from them? Father: You bet. When the Indians were the sole occupants of this land, they had no taxes, no national debt, no centralized government, no military draft, no foreign aid programs, no banks, no stock markets, no nuclear weapons, and their women did all the work. What could be more superior to that? -<>- \\\\ c oo | .U __=__ ,,, |. __|___ oo ; ||_/ / / U= _ 0 \_/__/__E o /. .| | (___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~| I---||| |-----------------------| I ||| | c(__) | ^ '--'' ^ ^ Petrus ** Medical Chart Notes by Hospital Doctors ** 1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. 7. Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 14. She is numb from her toes down. 15. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 16. The skin was moist and dry. 17. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 18. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. 20. Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid. 21. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 22. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 23. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus- sized. 24. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 25. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 26. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 27. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 28. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 29. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 30. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. 31. Patient was found in bed with her power mower. -<>- .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________ ** Advantages Of Being A Senior Citizen ** 1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. 9. You can live without sex but not without glasses. 10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. 11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 15. You sing along with elevator music. 16. Your eyes won't get much worse. 17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 18. You can't remember who sent you this list. -<>- ** The Sunday School Lesson ** The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar. And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. "To make the gravy," came her enthusiastic reply. -<>- ** Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ** I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" =============================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) >From Lynn'Lynn's Links: John w/ Rock Around The Clock (1954) Bill Haley & The Comets http://heavens-gates.com/50s/rockaroundtheclock/ Want-A-Be http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/want.html Melva w/ My Sister Linda http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/J_L.html Morning Spirit Lift http://msl2006a.homestead.com/0118.html Babes In Christ http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/babesinchrist.html Factory Tours http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/factory.html Microsoft Keyboard Shortcuts http://www.microsoft.com/enable/products/keyboard.aspx Paint Shop Pro Users Group http://www.pspug.org/ PaintShop Tutorials http://www.mccannas.com/pshop/menu.htm Yahoo http://buffalosjokes.com/62416.htm Shell http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3386.htm Border Patrol http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3387.htm Annoying http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22624.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it." - Jules Renard "I get those maternal feelings sometimes, like when I'm lying on the couch and can't reach the remote, I think, 'Boy, a kid would be nice right now.'" --Kathleen Madigan "When I realized that what I had turned out to be was a lousy, two-bit pool hustler and drunk, I wasn't depressed at all. I was glad to have a profession." -Danny McGoorty "My father refused to spend money on me as a kid. One time I broke my arm playing football and my father tried to get a free X-ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage." --Glen Super "The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously." - Nicholas Butler "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." - Gerald R. Ford >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & SService You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DDARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************