Like A Well-Oiled Machine And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first too hot to handle new page is from our friends Linda and Geniann. It is a heartwarming inspirational page sure to give you some smiles for your day. Check it out here... , , `. | `. ` `. \___ \ ,---._ ,' -`./ ,-" "-/ / o `._ `. | o ,-. _ ` `. , , `-' ,' ` `-----"| '`----" | \ / | \ " `. /_ `._ _/| \ ( ". ' \ \ `.`. . |` \" |\ | `. `.,' . | `. \ | | ,` | | | `-`-" , ` , `. _,' `.--" | | || | .-. | |, `,' ) ___,' \ , / /------" \____," KaK One Word Essays 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/essay2.html --- ...So beautiful! Thanks Ladies! Our second flaming hot new page is from our friend Linda. This will give you plenty of Ooos and Awes! This is such an amazingly beautiful place it will take your breath away! Check out this beauty and the video here... ,sdPBbs. ,d$$$$$$$$b. d$P'`Y'`Y'`?$b d' ` ' \ `b / | \ \ / / \ | \ _,--' | \ | /' _/ \ | \ _/' /' | \ `-.__ __/' ,-' / | | \ `--...__ /' / | / \ \ `-. `\ / /;;,,__-' / / \ \ `-. / |;;;;;;;\ \ Rainbow Mountains http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainbowmountains.html --- ...Wow! Looks like Photoshop it is so stunning! Love it! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >Ten Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say 1. What do you mean today's our anniversary? 2. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV. 3. Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!! 4. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska! 5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being "just friends". 6. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small? 7. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there. 8. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here. 9. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress. 10. Hey, pull my finger! -<>- >New drugs on the market St. Mom's Wort – Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. Empty Nestrogen – Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out. Peptobimbo – Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. Dumerol – When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of any music. Flipitor – Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. Antiboyotics – When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 5 is National Weatherman's Day February 6 is Lame Duck Day and National Chopsticks Day February 7 is Wave All you Fingers at Your Neighbor Day and Send a Card to a Friend Day February 8 is Boy Scout Day - celebrates the birthday of scouting and Kite Flying Day February 9 is National Pizza Day and Toothache Day February 10 is Umbrella Day February 11 is Don't Cry over Spilled Milk Day, Make a Friend Day, National Inventors Day and White T-Shirt Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | | |\ x /| | | |/\ x /\| | | | \x/ | | | | V | | /____\ /____\ | | | | / \ / \ | | | | `~~| |~~' >I Remember You When the patient was wheeled into the delivery room, she told me, "I remember you from the last time I gave birth." I was thrilled, especially since it had been a few years. "Do you really remember me?" I asked, milking it. "Yes. You're the nurse who ate all my candy." -<>- >Move the Car A father grew increasingly displeased as his teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong. "I have to ask you to move your car," the father told him. "Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?" "No," he replied, "it's at the wrong address." -<>- >The Bragging Texan A Texan was visiting a Maine farmer ("fahmah"). The Texas rancher was boasting to his host about the size of his ranch. "I can get into my pickup truck and drive all day and still not reach the boundary of my ranch", he bragged. The Mainer shook his head knowingly, and replied, "Aayuhh, I had a truck like that once." -<>- >Sometimes He Limps A rancher asked his veterinarian for some free advice. "I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?" The Vet replied, "The next time he walks normally, sell him." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _,_ (;;;) ,__/a /;\ (__ |;|_ '--. \;/;) @\(,;)'\ (;;) '._ \ / _ '-. ||| | `\ _ |||`-.\ \ (;;) ((;;) (;;).' \\ jgs (((_) (((__) (;) >SMILES Do you know the present value of your husband's policy?" the life-insurance salesman asked his client. "What do you mean?" countered the woman. "If you should lose your husband, what would you get?" asked the salesman. The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, "Probably a poodle." ---------- 'Honey', said this husband to his wife, 'I invited a friend home for supper.' 'What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!' she fumed. 'I know all that.' He smiled. 'Then, why in the world would you invite a friend for supper?' she asked. 'Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.' he grinned. ---------- A father told a friend how he had stopped his son from being late to school. "I bought him a car." he explained. "Now he has to get there early to find a parking place." ---------- Dan came home from work one evening and there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud. "What's the matter, darling?" he asked her. "I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the dog has just eaten it." "Don't worry," said Dan, "I'll get us another dog. ---------- A mother took her six-year old daughter to the ballet. This was the first time the little girl had ever seen a ballet and she watched wide-eyed as the ballerinas pranced around the stage on their toes. When the ballet was over, the mother asked her daughter if she had any questions. "Yes, Mommy," the little girl replied, "Wouldn't it be easier if they just hired taller dancers?" ---------- A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little girl started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..." ---------- Dr. Frankenstein had been noticing for several years that his "monster" seemed to be lacking a certain "je ne sais quoi" in his life. He and Mrs. Frankenstein were discussing the problem one day, and the Missus suddenly had a bright idea. "Maybe he needs a mate." "Good idea, my dear," said the doctor. "Let's create him a mate, and he can make love to her for the first time this coming Valentine's Day." So, they worked day and night and finally got the lady "monster" ready in time to "wake her up" on Valentine's Day. The original creation was there beside Dr. and Mrs., just jumping from one foot to another in eager anticipation of the solution to this cravings. As the electricity snapped and popped, Dr. Frankenstein shouted, "Look! She about to speak!" The new creation sat up and croaked in a broken voice: "Oooooo ---oo! Head----ache!" ---------- Here's the first rule of thumb: If it tastes good....spit it out. And remember: You can eat as much as you want on a diet....of anything you don't like. The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat, it's watching what other people eat. I don't need to know how many calories are in a chocolate chip cookie, I need to know how many calories are in a whole batch! Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying of course but they look terrific. ---------- A Catholic priest is driving to London to be on a radio show and he's stopped by the police for speeding. A policeman smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" The priest says, "Just water." The policeman replies, "Then why do I smell wine?" The minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good grief, He's done it again!" ---------- "Mom, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are the only child?" She just said, "Thank goodness!" ---------- A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?" --- ...HaHaHaHa! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- >The Church Ladies are back They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: - The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. - Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children. - The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' - Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. - Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. - Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. - For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. - Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. - Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. - A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. - At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. - Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. - Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. - The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. - Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. - The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. - This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. - The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. - Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. - The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. - Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. And this one just about sums them all up ................ - The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.' --- ...LMAO! Bloopers prove we're human! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- `\|/' .---------------. ,'Y`. _( To think.... )_________ )|._.|( ( Doesn't that involve little ) /(___)\ ""( little lightbulbs over )" ( ) ""( My head ??? )""""""" `..-.,' """"""""""""" |"| .--' `--. Ojo >Things to ponder: (1) Isn’t it weird that in America, our flag and our culture offend so many people, but our benefits don’t? (2) How can the federal government ask U.S. citizens to pay back student loans when illegal aliens are receiving a free education? (3) Only in America are legal citizens labeled “racists” and “Nazis,” but illegal aliens are called “Dreamers.” (4) Liberals say, “If confiscating all guns saves just one life, it’s worth it.” Well, then, if deporting all illegals saves just one life, wouldn’t that be worth it? (5) I can’t quite figure out how you can proudly wave the flag of another country, but consider it punishment to be sent back there. (6) The Constitution: It doesn’t need to be rewritten, it needs to be reread. (7) William F. Buckley said: “Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other points of view, and are then shocked and offended when they discover there are other points of view. ” (8) Joseph Sobran said: “‘Need’ now means wanting someone else’s money. ‘Greed’ means wanting to keep your own. ‘Compassion’ is when a politician arranges the transfer.” (9) Florida has had 119 hurricanes since 1850, but some people still insist the last one was due to climate change. "If it's not broken, we'll fix it until it is." U.S. Government motto. --- ...LOL! These are gems! Thanks LouiseAu! AND the Democrat Motto 'Throw more money at it - that'll fix it' ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) I'm pleased my keyboard runs on 2 AAA Batteries. Have a super duper new week ahead! God Bless! __,...__ _,-'::::::::`-. ,'::,----._::::::`. ,'::,' /\,-. \:::::::`. /::::| ; | |:::::::::`. |:::::`._ \ |:::::::::::\ __\,:--''--`_--':::::::::::::\ `'--::__:::::::`-:_:::::::::::::\ /--.`'--:_:::::`-::::::::::::\ /,-_.' _`-:_::::`:::::::::::\ / /o\| ,-_`-.`--:::`::::::::::) || \_/| / /o\\ `:,'''-:' (#__`-_/ | \_/| /##| ,-.\ ,'' `-. `.__/ ,'###| / || / \ , (##### / || | |___,-##\ /##/ \__,'/ \ /########) |#,'|__..-' `-..__..-'######) / \`.###'`""' / \\\__// ,' \`--' _,-' jrei `-..___..--'' >Senior Computer Skills... Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one... ************************ Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? ************************ Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'can’t find printer’. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it! *********************** Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. ************************* Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five dots. ************************* Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.. ************************* Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. ************************* Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first email. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it? ************************* This one and the next are our personal favorites! A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' ************************ And last but not least! Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: HECK NO...I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!! --- ...OH My! LOL! Thanks Linda! It reminds me of our page here ... WHAT ? ? ? ! ! ! o o //@@ o @@ ") @@@ ~ @ _____ / \ / \ |\____\ / ( X ) | | | | <___=\ | | | \======\ \|_"_| (____ Tech Horror Stories http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tech.html My son says it is outdated and I should just get rid of it. What do you think? ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Hannity - Shocking - What we learned from the Memo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w77GmgbGQ-Q President Trump “was cheerfully, extravagantly specific as he peppered the crowd with aspiration after aspiration, achievement after achievement,” Roger Kimball writes about the State of the Union speech in American Greatness. “Trump’s speech reached with an open hand across the bitter partisan divide that has disfigured our public life these last couple of decades,” Kimball notes. https://tinyurl.com/ydx6zll8 The Washington Examiner Editorial Board writes that “more than 70 percent of Americans who watched Trump’s State of the Union speech Tuesday said they favored the basic immigration proposals that the president laid out.” The Board agrees, arguing that “free people have a right to determine, through democratic processes, who can enter and live in their country, and to do so based on their own interests.” https://tinyurl.com/ycnoep3z “Not only are companies crediting Trump in their announcements, one major employer, Costco, disputed Democratic sneers that the bonuses are ‘crumbs’ and hide bigger profits,” Paul Bedard writes in Washington Examiner. “The number of companies offering employees higher wages, expanded insurance and retirement benefits and cash bonuses up to $3,000 has surged to 300 as more see benefits from the new GOP tax cuts,” Bedard explains. https://tinyurl.com/ybgwl9n7 US oil production tops 10 million barrels a day for first time since 1970 - CNBC https://tinyurl.com/y9h9utn2 Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ Rats! - Groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow Friday morning https://tinyurl.com/ya8ztvov -<>- >From BizarreNews: There are service animals; like seeing eye dogs, and then there are so-called 'emotional support' animals. This second category gets a little fuzzy because it's hard to pin point exactly who needs emotional support and what animals are actually qualified to provide it. Because of this, people with anxiety, depression, paranoia, and mild nervousness have been able to bring dogs, guinea pigs, even ducks, on public transportation, including airplanes. But tolerance for this kind of thing is wearing thin. Recently United Airlines was forced to deny a traveler's request to bring her emotional support peacock on a flight departing Newark Liberty International Airport. "This animal did not meet guidelines for a number of reasons, including its weight and size. We explained this to the customers on three separate occasions before they arrived at the airport," said United in a statement. Despite this, the unidentified woman still brought her bird to the airport, claiming she had a second ticket for the peacock. Pictures quickly appeared on social media. "Unbelievable, this has to stop now!" one user wrote. The news comes on heels of Delta's controversial crackdown of emotional support and service animals. On Jan. 19, the airline announced forthcoming restrictions in hopes of curbing an abuse of policy and an 84 percent increase in ill animal behavior such as urinating, defecating, biting and attacks on flights. -<>- Problem: When your city wins a big game the fans climb light poles to celebrate (don't criticize, it beats torching cars), inevitably resulting in injuries when the drunk revelers fall off. Solution: Grease the poles. Sound like something Wile E. Coyote would come up with? Well this is the exact strategy the Philadelphia Police Department used last month when the Eagles beat the Minnesota Vikings in the NFC championship game. The city applied Crisco to hundreds of light poles before the game. Unfortunately, it didn't work. When you have fifteen beers coursing through your system a little cooking grease isn't going to keep you from climbing a God-damned pole! Also, Crisco is flammable, so the whole thing posed a serious safety hazard. So the city has been speculating about alternate solutions. One idea is to use gear oil instead of Crisco. Another is to just abandon the idea all together and let the morons fall on their heads. The alternative hasn't been revealed yet. But when the government fails, the private sector is there to step in. With the Super Bowl approaching, the popular webiste P0rnhub has offered the city two 55 gallon drums of lube for the occasion. It's unclear whether the city will accept P0rnhub's generous offer. Surprisingly, this isn't the first time P0rnhub has offered a city assistance on a municipal problem. Last year, the ever-vigilant company plowed the streets of Boston following a blizzard, helping to rescue people who were snowed in from the storm. Now that's what I call civic responsibility. *------ There's Nothing Like Home-Cookin' ------* Authorities in Texas said a federal prison inmate was arrested on an escape charge after he was caught breaking back to the prison with a bag of home-cooked food. The Jefferson County Sheriff's Office said deputies received a tip that inmates at the Federal Correctional Complex in Beaumont were crossing from prison grounds into private land owned by a local rancher to smuggle contraband into the facility. The sheriff's office Narcotics Investigators and U.S. Marshals set up surveillance at the facility and witnessed a vehicle drop a large duffle bag on the private property. An inmate, identified as Joshua Hansen, 25, was seen running from the prison grounds to retrieve the bag. Hansen, who was being held at the complex on a narcotics charge, was caught while running back to the prison with the bag, which was found to contain contraband including "a large amount of home-cooked food." The bag also contained marijuana, three bottles of brandy, one bottle of whisky, multiple bags of Bugler tobacco, packaged snacks and fruit. *------------------ Not Lydia ------------------* A 69-year-old Florida woman with nearly her entire body covered in tattoos was recognized as one of the world's most tattooed people. Charlotte Guttenberg earned Guinness World Records for most tattooed woman ever and most tattooed woman living with 98.75 percent of her body covered with various works of art. "I knew immediately that I wanted to get a full suit," said Guttenberg. Guttenberg first entered the record books in 2015 as the most tattooed female senior citizen, when 91.5 percent of her body was covered in tattoos. Now she said her body suit has reached "full saturation" as only her face and a small portion of her hands remain unmarked. Guttenberg got her first tattoo when she was 50 years old and met her partner Chuck Helmke, the most tattooed male senior citizen, during the session. The couple also each hold an additional record as Guttenberg has the most feathers tattooed on the body with 216 and Helmke has the most skulls tattooed on the body at 376. *---------- Like a Well-Oiled Machine ----------* In a mix-up at the Michigan unemployment office, a dog was approved for unemployment benefits. Attorney Michael Haddock reported that he received a notice from the Michigan Unemployment Insurance Agency in the mail that said "Michael Ryder" will receive $360 a week. "Ryder," however, is the name of Haddock's German Shepherd and Michael is his first name. So Haddock assumed the notice was for his dog. "Not sure what he is going to do with the money, but it should be interesting," Haddock said. "I knew he was clever, but he surprised me this time." Unfortunately for Ryder, he won't get a chance to cash those checks after the UIA got word of the mix-up. "I know first-hand it is rare for 'man's best friend' to contribute financially to the household and that will continue in this instance," said Tim Kolar, the state administrator of investigations at the UIA. Chris DeWitt, the spokesman for the Talent Investment Agency, which is a division of the UIA, told the Detroit Free Press that the supposed mix-up could be an example of fraud. "It's important to note that no money was paid out," DeWitt said. "Criminals get a hold of people's personal information like name, address and Social Security numbers and file a false claim. This is a crime." ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: __ __ .-',,^,,'. / \(0)(0)/ \ )/( ,_"_,)\( ` >-`~( ' _N\ |(`\ |___ \' |/ \ \/_-,) '.( \`\_< \ _\| | |_\_ snd \_,_>-' There are a lot of dim bulbs out there roaming free on this planet. Here's a list of quotes from several of them that I overheard recently. If this keeps up our species is doomed! 1. A quarter isn't worth that much. 2. Hats are only good for your head. 3. All school is good for is learning. 4. Math would be great if it weren't for all the numbers. 5. Chicken tastes just like chicken. 6. Is April Fool's Day only once a year? 7. Buying stuff can cost you some big money. 8. My car doesn't have brakes. Is that bad? 9. I'm so hungry I could eat some food. 10. Just call her and tell her to text you. Wow! Sounds like a bunch of registered voters to me. -<>- . ' . ' .( '.) ' _ ('-.)' (`'.) ' |0|- -(. ')`( .-`) (-') .--`+'--. . (' -,).(') . |`-----'| (' .) - ('. ) | | . (' `. ) | .-. | ` . ` | (0.0) | | >|=|< | | `"` | | | jgs| | `-.___.-' >It's So Clean! Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant. "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines." "Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!" -<>- >They've Stolen Everything! A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake." -<>- .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >Stuff My Doc Says Do you think you have a horrible doctor? Check out some of the worst advice, opinions, & diagnoses ever uttered by a medical professional. 1. "Hey! I don't go to your house and bleed all over your stuff!" 2. "Well, at least you have your health... (looking at the patient's chart) WHOOPS! I spoke too soon." 3. "How are stupid dogs and dumb doctors alike? Neither one can heel! Which reminds me, there's nothing we can do for you." 4. "Miss, you'll need to put this medicated cream on your chest. Here, I'll give you a hand with that." 5. "I could give you something for that, but I'm not supposed to have s#$ with my patients." 6. "Hey, what's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. Okay, you can take that out of your mouth now." 7. "I am so tired of having to see that coroner guy." 8. "I know what will make us feel better... a sponge bath." 9. "Oh, that looks like a sprained ankle to me. I won't know for sure until you get totally naked." 10. "Oh, you're a woman!" -<>- _ /' `\ k___y th j /`Y'\ .,--,. \___/ ... ,' __ ', _ ||| j /' `\ t f | t j f | | j t_| T j \ / t Y| | ', `--' ,' || U '~--~' LJ >Q and A Quickies Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast? A: Lunch and dinner. Q: What is the world's longest punctuation mark? A: The hundred yard dash. Q: What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer? A: You take me for grunted. Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide? A: A giraffic jam. Q: When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight? A: When they had lots of sleepless knights! Q: Why are robots never afraid? A: Because they have nerves of steel. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: How many b'ger do you need to change a lightbulb? \ Get lost Ralf. \ \ \ `, ___ # /_,/\ |/ ? /" ( | , )\ .Y___ / /__/\ \____ \(__ ,- / \_/ \ / (\ |/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----' '-' |\/ b'ger Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in, sits down and asks him what the problem is. "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home." "What kind of question?" asked Tom. "My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly." "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'". "Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO...'" -<>- At the Olympics a man walked up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?" "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name ist Walter?" -<>- Q: What '60s rock group can kill germs? A: The Bleach Boys! -<>- "My grandfather has two wooden legs. There was a fire at his house last night and he burned to the ground." [I heard this one while watching "Last Comic Standing" last night. Sorry, but I don't remember which comic said it.] -<>- In my husband's work for a cable-television company, he encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the tv was located, and then walked out to get the mail. As my husband approached the tv, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom." -<>- The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to begin at the beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note on it. The little girl went to the blackboard, looked thoughtful for a minute and wrote, "Dear Aunt Emma, just a short note to tell you I'm fine." -<>- A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone. Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000. He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room. "How did you do?" asked the bride. The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars." -<>- A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray. "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!" -<>- On my 40th birthday I waltzed out of my bedroom dressed in an old outfit I dug out of the back of the closet. "I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old," I said to my husband, hoping he'd take the hint and buy me some clothes as a present. "Or," he offered instead, "it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: (\ \'\ \'\ __________ / '| ()_________) \ '/ \ ~~~~~~~~ \ \ \ ~~~~~~ \ ==). \__________\ (__) ()__________) unknown >HOW TO WRITE GOOD Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.) Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Contractions aren't necessary. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. One should never generalize. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." Comparisons are as bad as cliches. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. Be more or less specific. Understatement is always best. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. The passive voice is to be avoided. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. Who needs rhetorical questions? Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. -<>- ____________ / _.'\ \ / _.' \ \ /_.-' \___\ |\_\ `` .- \ _/| | _\___________. | P | / \ | r |/ \| 5 |__________________| 9 >11 REASONS WHY SNAIL MAIL IS BETTER 1. SNAIL MAIL can be SHREDDED quickly. 2. The sender is forced to spend MONEY on the sending process. 3. Postal glue tastes pretty good. 4. SNAIL MAIL always calls me "Mr." 5. I only need to check my mailbox once a day. 6. Peeling OFF a self-adhering postage stamp is as sensuous an activity as accurately sticking one back ON. 7. Never having to skip over the ">>>>>" characters. 8. An aspirin will take care of most paper cuts. 9. There's no hyperlinks in SNAIL MAIL. 10. Never having to scroll past 23,000 addresses of folks who received the same boring message that begins with: "This really makes you MONEY!" 11. SNAIL MAIL makes great kindling. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Value What You Have! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Naval Fleet Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/navalart.html Playing With Food 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Amazing Stairways http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stairs.html Chevy Selling It http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html Darvaza - Door To Hell http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.html Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Chapel Oak http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oakchapel.html God's Bumper Stickers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html Jesus Laughing Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.html Monkey Shines! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkeyshines.html Auto Motorplex http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html Aww Animals 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals2.html Real Fantasy Trees 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees2.html Extraordinary Photos! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/extraordinary.html Beautiful Bridges 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bridges2.html Albino Hummingbird! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html Paper Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paperart.html Journey Through Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html -<>- >Please Follow/Friend Me on StumbleUpon :) https://tinyurl.com/y8s9htp3 -<>- COMPUTER STUPIDITIES If you think you're technologically challenged, you're not alone. This funny site features stories and anecdotes of folks who just don't quite get how to use their PC. The "stupidities" are divided into categories to simplify your reading experience. http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/ VINTAGE NEWSPAPER ADS No matter what decade, the real news of the day, as it pertains to the lives of the people who bought the papers, were the ads. Take a trip back in time and check out these vintage newspaper ads from the 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s. http://www.lileks.com/oldads/ 7 TV shows that planned their ending from the start – and totally nailed it https://tinyurl.com/ycrms2ry Some album covers don't tell you the whole story. Now learn the hidden truth behind these famous album covers. https://tinyurl.com/ycan942r Scrub a dub dub, a rat in a tub! This little rat knows how to shower like a person! https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=12&v=XfeT8mwwJnU -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A compilation of some great dance clips from various movies. Dancing at the Movies featured scenes include Dirty Dancing, Flashdance, White Nights, Saturday Night Fever, Footloose, Grease, West Side Story, Singing in the Rain, 7 Brides for 7 Brothers, and more. From Fred Astaire to Michael Jackson and John Travolta I’m sure there will be a scene in here that you enjoy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVG_QA5stBc All About Groundhog Day On Groundhog Day, silly humans have been relying on Punxsutawney Phil to predict the weather for the rest of winter with a success rate less than 50%. This short video is an interesting look at the history and customs of Groundhog Day. I’ve never given much credence to good old Punxsutawney Phil as I spend more time pondering how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Have a Happy Groundhog Day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDFy7_DM_qQ --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Tourists terrified of cracking glass bridge prank China Glass Bridge - Crack Effect https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz5nJX3sbbM --- ...Oh No! LOL! Way to give a heart attack! Scary! Thanks Linda! Reminds me of this one we have here... World Longest Glass Bridge http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/glassbridge.html ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "You shouldn't put down a loser, Cindy...because you might be one yourself someday." --Carol Brady, The Brady Bunch "Are you going to come quietly or do I have to use earplugs?" --From 'The Gong show' "As they say, she's nice from afar, but far from nice." --James DeBello as Rod in "100 Girls". "Google Plus has introduced a new policy that allows nick- names. Unfortunately, it's a nickname they give you based on your search history." -Conan O'Brien "High gas prices leave a bad taste in people's mouths, have you noticed that? That's mostly from the siphoning, but still it's a horror." -Jay Leno "There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true." --Ian Hart "After Trump's State of the Union speech, Massachusetts Congressman Joe Kennedy became one of the youngest people to give the Democratic response. And you could tell he was young when all he said was, 'He cray.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Google has a new service called 'Flights' that is now able to predict flight delays. How it works is, if you're flying United, your flight's delayed." -Conan O'Brien "Police in Philadelphia have announced they will not grease light poles ahead of the Super Bowl because the grease did not deter people from climbing poles following the NFC championship game. In fact, all it did was made them impossible to arrest." -Seth Meyers "In Florida, a 7-year-old boy was arrested for punching his teacher. A 7-year-old boy--or as they call that in Florida, a prodigy." -Conan O'Brien "I saw that 83-year-old Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch was at the Grammys last night. Midway through, he turned to the person next to him and said, 'This is the craziest State of the Union I've ever been to.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A matador in Spain is under investigation after a video surfaced of him bullfighting while holding his 5-month-old baby girl in his arms. But to be fair, it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day." -Seth Meyers "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes." - Andy Warhol "There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking." - Alfred Korzybski "Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own." - Sidney J. Harris >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************