Lincoln, Gator, Cows And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friend Judy. She shared with us photos of a recent event she participated in with her surf dog Ricochet. They helped brighten the lives of children who can't walk, eat or breath on their own! If you are like me, this will leave you smiling from ear to ear! So heartwarming! Be sure to check it and the videos with it out here: -.--. ) " '-, ',' 2 \_ \q \ . \ _.--' '----.__ / ._ _.__ \__ _.'_.' \_ .-._\_ '-, } (,/ _.---;-( . \ \ ~ ____ ( .___\_\ \/_/ ( '-._ \ \ | '._ ),> _) > '-._ c=' Cooo -._ '-._ '. '-._ `\ snd '-._ '. '-._ \ `~---' Ricochet And Kids With SMA! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetsmakids.html --- ...Such an awesome event for the kids and families! Thank You Judy! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?" "Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender. "That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago." -<>- A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 110 mph, then 120, then 130 mph. Suddenly, he thought," What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch-up with him. Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 13 is Left Hander's Day August 14 is National Creamsicle Day and (14/15) V-J Day - which date do you celebrate as the end of WWII? August 15 is Relaxation Day August 16 is National Tell a Joke Day August 17 is Chinese Valentine's Day/Daughter's Day and National Thriftshop Day August 18 is Bad Poetry Day and National Honey Bee Awareness Day August 19 is Aviation Day and National Potato Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Favorite Museum Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. It wasn't to be. "Sir," she said, "this is a quilt museum. We give discounts to teenagers." -<>- >One-Year-Old Daughter A father held his one-year-old daughter in his lap. She was jabbering in baby talk as she flipped the pages of a picture book. Nearby, his five-year-old son said, "Daddy, make her read in English instead of Baby." -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' >The Wedding Dress Groom-to-be to his fiancee: "$6,800 for a dress that's only going to be worn ONCE? What's up with THAT?!" "Who says it's only going to be worn once?" "Oh? You're planning to get married again? Gee, thanks." "That's not what I meant." "You know you can't wear white the second time, anyway." "No, but I do hope to have a daughter. She'll wear it on her wedding day. And she'll have a daughter who will wear it on her wedding day. And her daughter will wear it on her wedding day. It will become a family heirloom." "I'll bet your mother never bought such an extravagant dress." "Oh yeah? Well, she did too, smarty!" "Then why don't you wear hers?" "Who wants to get married in THAT old thing?" -<>- >Grant Support I work in a school department that is supported by educational grants. On his first day, my new boss delivered some bad news. He said, "Unfortunately your last boss failed to apply for the grant that supports your work. You will be terminated at the end of this month. Did you know that?" Admittedly, I was unprepared for this, but I was not shocked. Two weeks before the end of my tenure, the new boss came to me again. He said, "Before you go, please submit the lesson plans you would have used for the next three months." I said, "Oh, I'm sorry, those lesson plans were covered in the grant. Didn't you know that?" -<>- >The Priest's Collar A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the pre-school wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria. One little lad of about three or four stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?" He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear. Then the boy pointed to the priest's plastic collar tab and asked, "Do you have an owie?" The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a Band Aid. So the priest took it out and handed it to the boy to show him. On the back of the tab are raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer. The little guy felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what those words say?" "Yes I do," said the lad who was not old enough to read. Peering intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown >SMILES A new pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services. The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said. Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed coffin, smothered in flowers. The minister delivered a short eulogy. Then he opened the coffin and invited the congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church. Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin, then quickly turned away with a sheepish look. In the coffin, tilted at just the right angle, was a large mirror. -------- Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one! -------- A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response, "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...." "Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." ------- {} {} ! ! ! II II ! ! ! ! I__I__I_II II_I__I__I ! I_/|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|\_I ! /|_/| | | || || | | |\_|\ ! .--. I//| | | | || || | | | |\\I .--. /- \ ! /|/ | | | | || || | | | | \|\ ! /= \ \=__ / I//| | | | | || || | | | | |\\I \-__ / } { ! /|/ | | | | | || || | | | | | \|\ ! } { {____} I//| | | | | | || || | | | | | |\\I {____} _!__!__|= |=/|/ | | | | | | || || | | | | | | \|\=| |__!__!_ _I__I__| ||/|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|\||- |__I__I_ -|--|--|- ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-||= |--|--|- | | | || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | || | | | | | |= || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |- || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |- || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||- | | | _|__|__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| |__|__|_ -|--|--|= ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-||- |--|--|- jgs| |- || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||= | | | ~~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~ An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'" -------- A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for old Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic. Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this "miracle doctor" to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47." So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled. "Looks like I just restored your sense of taste, Mr. Thompson," said the doctor. So Mr. Thompson went home...very mad. One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem. "Doc," he started, "I can't remember anything!" Thinking he had the doctor stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47, it's..." But before the doctor could finish his sentence, Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room! ------- After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to finally land. They disembarked, and the other attendants and I checked for items left behind. In a seat pocket, I found a bag of homemade cookies with a note saying, "Much love, Mom." Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would be reunited with its owner. A few minutes later, an announcement came over the PA system in the concourse: "Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?" -------- The neighbor of a young man was having trouble with her washing machine and asked him to come over and take a look at it. "I'm not very good at fixing these things," he admitted. "The last time I tried your husband had to buy a new one." "I know," she replied, smiling. -------- Former President Obama is in a restaurant and the waiter brings over the rolls, but no butter. "May I have some butter, please?" The waiter gives a slight nod and wanders off. Ten minutes later, still no butter. He catches his eye. "May I have some butter, Please?" Still the vaguest of responses, and after ten more minutes, still no butter. "Maybe you don't know who I am," says Obama "I've been president of the United States, I was a US senator, I am a former lawyer, and I am an author of many books" "Maybe you don't know who I am," said the waiter. "I'm the guy who's in charge of the butter". --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| .----. / ( > | /| '--. ( ) ._ / || ]| `-. ) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::| ( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::| `/ `-./ `. || ]| ::| _ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-' / \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'( | |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------, | `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /| | \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / | | | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ | | /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) | \ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( | | | / `---` `===' / ) | / \ / / ( | | '------. |'--------------------'| ) | \ `-| | / | `--...,______| | ( | | | | | ) ,| | | | | ( /|| | | | | )/ `" / \ | | (/ jgs .' /I\ '.| | /) .-'_.'/ \'. | | / ``` `"""` `| .-------------------.|| `"` `"` >TECH SUPPORT - UPGRADES Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend. In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Cricket, Football, Golfing, and Continuous Sport TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command:'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears. Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewelery and Flowers, but remember… over-use of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed, or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband. In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food, and Hot Lingerie. Good Luck, Tech Support --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! -<>- _ ,:'/ _..._ // ( `""-.._.' \| / 6\___ | 6 4 | / \_ .--' (_'---'`) / `'---`() ,' | , .'` | )\ _.-' ; / | .'` _ / /` / .' '. , | / / / \ ; | | | \ | | .| | | \ `"| /.-' | | | '-..-\ _.;.._ | |.;-. \ <`.._ )) | .;-. )) (__. ` ))-' \_ ))' `'--"` jgs `"""` >A Dog A dog had followed his owner to school. His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school. However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child's classroom before a teacher noticed and shooed him outside, closing the door behind him. The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors. Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head, and said, 'Don't feel bad fella'...they won't let ME in either'. --- ...So true! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice with Judge Jeanine 8/11/18. Jeanine Pirro August 11, 2018 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0RMQHoms1M Final Moments of Slain Airman Released https://1600daily.com/2018/08/10/final-moments-of-slain-airman-released/ President Trump’s Breakthrough Initiative https://1600daily.com/2018/08/10/president-trumps-breakthrough-initiative/ Trump’s Message to the NFL Players https://1600daily.com/2018/08/10/trumps-message-to-the-nfl-players/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Move America Forward http://www.moveamericaforward.org/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A Texas police department said reports of an alligator in local waters were an "unintentional hoax" involving a remote- controlled gator head. Police responded in a Facebook post to photos and videos that emerged on social media and appeared to show an alligator swimming in the Comal and Guadalupe Rivers. "A remote-controlled alligator head was used to create photos and videos that you may have seen on Facebook and other social media sites," the department said. Police said it appeared to have been an "unintentional hoax" on the part of the owner of the novelty remote-controlled item, "but still may have caused some alarm." -<>- Parkour is for athletic people who aren't good enough to be gymnasts. Maybe that's why the running and jumping enthusiast in this story had a tough time recognizing a convenient cable for the threat it was. The incident happened in downtown West Palm Beach. Police said the unidentified man, along with two other people, scaled a building with intentions to train for parkour. The three subjects climbed a metal pipe at the rear of the building and gained access to the roof. They then walked along the rooftop until they came to what turned out to be a power pole. The victim attempted to walk on the pole when he touched a live wire and immediately received over 7,000 volts of electricity through his body. The two accompanying him told police there was "an explosion and a white light." The two subjects climbed down off the building and found the victim in an alley where, incredibly, he was alive and breathing but unresponsive. *---- Clothed Rifleman Beats Naked Swordsman ----* Police in Nebraska are looking for a man who exposed himself to another man while wielding a sword. The second man, 26, told police he was sitting in his car about 4:30 a.m. after walking his dog, when a naked man approached him with a sword. The naked man tapped the driver's side window with the sword, and the 26-year-old grabbed his rifle from the vehicle, chasing the man into a wooded area nearby, Lincoln Police Officer Angela Sands said. Police have only a generic description of the naked man. *- Teacher Rows Across Atlantic in Under 40 Days -* An Ohio teacher broke a world record when he rowed across the Atlantic Ocean, from Canada to England, in under 40 days. Bryce Carlson, 37, a Cincinnati high school teacher, said the official time for his 2,000 mile rowing trip from Newfoundland to St. Mary's, in England's Isles of Scilly, was 38 days, 6 hours and 49 minutes, beating the previous speed record of 53 days an Atlantic Ocean rowing trip. He said the trip was not without its hardships. "I capsized about a dozen times, give or take. All occurred while I was inside the cabin, most while I was awake." Carson, who said he lost 10-15 pounds during his journey, said he has no intentions of attempting to repeat the feat. The Inter- national Ocean Rowing Society said Carson also broke three other records during his trip: fastest solo, unassisted row of average speed across the North Atlantic; fastest solo, unassisted overall row across the North Atlantic; and fastest overall row of any boat size across the North Atlantic. *-- We Need to Start Registering Power Tools --* Here's something to remember if you ever feel like mocking a man holding power tools. A St. Louis, Mo. man faces a homicide charge in the fatal attack of a co-worker with a circular saw. Miguel Angel Franco Navarro, 24, and Israel Valles-Flores, 37, were part of a four-man crew replacing shingles on the roof of a home outside the city of River Falls. There was no apparent argument, though in a recorded jail call Miguel allegedly said he had been teased prior to the attack. Witnesses told authorities Navarro cut Valles- Flores with a circular saw, causing Valles-Flores to fall backwards onto the garage roof where Navarro continued to cut him. The two other co-workers reportedly jumped off the roof and hid until police arrived. Valles-Flores sustained 10 sharp force injuries across his face, neck and back. He died of his injuries on the garage roof. *- Girl Takes Graduation Photo with 14-foot Gator -* A student preparing to graduate from a Texas university incorporated a nearly 14-foot alligator named Big Tex into her graduation photos. Makenzie Alexis Noland, 21, who is graduating next week from Texas A&M University in College Station, held her graduation photo shoot at Gator County, an alligator sanctuary where Noland has been interning since May. One of the photos shows Noland placing her class ring on the snout of a 13-foot, 8-inch gator named Big Tex. "He's one of my best friends here," Noland said. Noland said she is hoping to use her Wildlife & Fisheries Sciences degree to get a job at a zoo. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .-=-. .-=-. `) ) ( (` .' / \ '. ( ( _.-'`::`'-._ ) ) \ `'` .::. `'` / `-._\`~` `~`/_.-' _,=` / \ `=,_ ( ,(^\ /^), ) `~~` \0)\ /(0/ `~~` | /` '\ | | | | | | | / \ \() ()/ jgs `._-==-_.' `""` >Frozen cows A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues. It had been a bitterly cold night, but he'd never thought anything like this would happen. The realization of the situation then dawned on him. With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his impending poverty. Just then, an elderly woman walked by, "What's the matter?" asked the old lady. The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his predicament to the woman. Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the cows noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon back to normal and chewing the cud. One by one, the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full of healthy animals. The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed. She declined his offer and walked off across the field. A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer. "You know who that was don't you?" asked the passer-by. "No" said the farmer "who?" "That was Thora Hird." --- ...Oh, for goodness sake! TeeHee! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: >Does Your Dog Bite? A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog." -<>- .---. / (o \_ | -='.'"` ) ( _.=` \ _.=`. -. | .===:._ ' '. ; | ________,.='`^~""``"====-' ,' '-========-""'"-=..,,,_____,.' `\ `\ jgs ,-'==,\ ,-`==; >Mother Pigeon and Baby But baby pigeon said, "I can't make it; I'll get too tired." His mother said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine." The baby started to cry. "What's wrong?" said the mother. "I don't want to be pigeon towed!" -<>- >Doctor, Doctor... Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places! Doctor: Stay out of them places! Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more? Doctor: Sell! -<>- >If I Had A Million Dollars A 5th grade English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Alec!" yelled the teacher, "you've done nothing. Why?" "Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!" -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What's a pretzel's favorite dance? A: The Saltsa. Q: What does the 1286BC inscribed on the mummy's tomb indicate? A: The registration of the car that ran him over! Q: How many people are there in Rio? A: At least a Brazilian. _ .-=-. .-==-. { } __ .' O o '. / -<' ) { } .' O'. / o .-. O \ / .--v` { } / .-. o\ /O / \ o\ /O / \ `-` / \ O`-'o / \ O`-`o / jgs `-.-` '.____.' `.____.' Q: What do snakes put on their kitchen floors? A: Rep-tiles! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-''-. ( \ ) ( .----. ) ( )'/ '( ) `\ -- /` `)(` /`\/`\ / \ / \_/\_/ \ \ \ / / \/\ /\/ ))) ((( | | | | |_____| \ | / jgs )|( /-T-\ (_/`\_) >"YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY..." "Everything Comes In Threes" - Not true. In reality, every- thing comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern. "You Can't Take It With You (when you die)" - Well..., that depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets. "You Learn Something New Every Day" - Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you've just learned it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it, Columbus is a good example of this. "You Get What You Pay For" - Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you'll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that. "NICE GUYS FINISH LAST" - Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty- sixth. You can see how limited those people were. -<>- __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceeds to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" To which the first lawyer replies, "It's that $50 I owe you." -<>- "Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" the police sergeant asked the detective. "Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good," nodded the other. "Asked him every question we could think of." "And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant. "Not exactly," explained the officer. "All he'd say was, 'Yes dear,' and dozed off." -<>- A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers, "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You got male!" -<>- A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man alive. No wait...sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It's scotch that does all that. -<>- One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the second friend. "I'm seriously considering it, but I'd like to lose another 10 pounds first." ========================================================= >-->From TheJokester: / /\ | / \ |/ | | |> \____/ | ( .. ) | /\__/\ | /\ qp /\| / | | | /| |db| /\`\ | \ | | \|_| \ \|qp| | \__/ | | |/||db| | | | | | >Papal Debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate. On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The rabbi looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The rabbi pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. 'I pulled out the wine and water to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. 'He bested me at every move and I could not continue.' Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won. 'I haven't a clue' the rabbi said. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him a finger. 'Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.' 'And then what?' asked a woman. 'Who knows?' said the rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine.' -<>- -=[ Understanding the Technology ]=- 5/97 _ .----------/ |<=== floppy disk / | | / /| | _________ / / | | | .-----. | /___________/ /| | |=| |-| [____________]/ | | |~|_____|~| | ___ | | | '-| |-' | / _) | | | |.....| function ======>|.' | | | | |<=== application key | | | | input |.....| software | | | | `--._| main =>| | | | | de-bugging || storage | | | ;______|_________________ tool ====>|| | | |.' ____\|/_______________ `. || | | /| (______________________) )<== user || |____________|/ \___________________________/ interface|| '--||----: `'''''.__ | || || jgs `""";"""-.'-._ <== normal flow | central || || | `-. `'._of operation /<== processing|| || | `\ '-. / unit || surge ().-. | | : /` || control ==>(_((X)) | .-. : <======= output || device '-' \ | \ ; /_________ .-''-. `\ \|/ '-..-' | /_\ /| /______\ /`-.____ | / / [____] / _ /_____________| _ / /_ peripherals ==>/_\___________________/_\__/ /~ )__ (hardware) |____________________________|/ ~ ) |\\\ ///| (__~ ~ ~(~~` | \\V// | overflow (input/output error) ===> (_~_ ~ ~_ `) | |~| | _________ `--~-' '` | |=| | _|`---------`| supplemental data ===>| | | | (C| |<=== back-up (()____ | | | | `\ / (' `\______, \ |=| / `=========` mouse ==> `,,---,,' \|_|/ >Total Eclipse of Communication From : Managing Director To : Executive Director "Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday, so let the work-force line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the work force should assemble in the canteen." From : Executive Director To : Departmental Head "By order of the Managing Director, there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. If it is raining we will not be able to see it in our best clothes, on the site. In this case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is something we cannot see happening everyday." From : Departmental Heads To : Sectional Heads "By order of the Managing Director, we shall follow the disappearance of the sun in our best clothes, in the canteen at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. The Managing Director will tell us whether it is going to rain. This is something which we cannot see happen everyday." From : Section Heads To : Foreman "If it is raining in the canteen tomorrow morning, which is something that we cannot see happen everyday, the Managing Director in his best clothes, will disappear at nine o'clock." From : Foreman To : All Operators "Tomorrow morning at nine o' clock, the Managing Director will disappear. It's a pity that we can't see this happen everyday." -<>- >Things Not to Say on a Date I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired." "No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin." "I used to come here all the time with my ex." "I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it." "Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour." "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be, I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look." "I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask." "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am." -<>- >Relaxed Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said "Please give me a prescription for the Pill." "I don't think you need the Pill at your age." "It relaxes me." "But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing," exclaimed the physician. "Oh, I know," said Mrs. Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed. -<>- |`-._ .-' `-.-;"\. .--------------------------------..-.. _ .-'\ | /o\ | \\\ |\ ________________________________\\ \\\/ \\ | | ///\ | | __ __ _ __ __ _ __ __ __ ||-||| '. \/ //////| | | |__|__/_\ |__|__|_| |__|__|__| || ||| ///////| | | |__|__)__) |__|_| __.--|__| ||_||| . ////////| | | |__|__|_/ |__|__ _ |__|--'__ | . || \'..'///////// | | |__| |__|__|_| |__|__|__| |( )|| `--`///////; \| | ' ||---. ,,,//////////// jgs'---------------------------------'---' `.//////////////' ```=///////=' >Long live Bachelors Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! --Anonymous Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. --Anonymous I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" --Anonymous We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. My wife was in beauty salon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. --Anonymous She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. --Anonymous She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." --Anonymous Bad Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs....." --Anonymous If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!” ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) WWII P-51 Mustang Pilot!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wwiipilot.html Willie, Joe And Bill In WWII!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mauldin.html Military WWII Posters!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarywwii.html Kilroy Was Here!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html Whale Rescue 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html Water Rescue Dogs!- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/waterrescuedogs.html Great White Shark!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html Goose Calls For Cops!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mothergoose.html Dolphin Rescue!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dolphinrescue.html Crocodile Man!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crocodileman.html Elephant Rescue 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant4.html Lioness And Fox!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lionessandfox.html Bear Rescue 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue2.html Dog-Tired Dogs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogtired.html When Sandman Attacks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman2.html The REAL Mowgli!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/realmowgli.html Salute To Texas 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salutetexas2.html Sunken Treasure In A Field!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/steamboat.html Tornado And Rainbow!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tornadoandrainbow.html Thoughts Into Action 10!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action10.html US Presidents And The Queen!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/queenofengland.html -<>- Some Best Shangrala INDEX! http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html How Hollywood Thinks The World Looks (Vs. How It Looks) From Cracked.com: Movies and television are shaping the way you view the world, every time you stick them in your brain holes. And while nobody thinks that what they're seeing is reality, it turns out that even their depictions of the real world are way off the mark. For example... https://tinyurl.com/y7xfwmo7 Hot-Dog Legs Are they hot dogs or are they legs? Take a look and decide for yourself. http://hot-dog-legs.tumblr.com/ 26 'Happy' Hollywood Endings That Weren't So Happy From Cracked.com: Most movies and TV shows wrap things up in a nice, happy little package so we'll walk away feeling warm and fuzzy. The thing is, sometimes those endings aren't actually happy, when you think about them even for a second. We asked you to splash some well-known happy endings with the cold shower of reason. https://tinyurl.com/y9z5wx74 Celebrity Nooz Celebrity Nooz is your source for news and gossip! Keep up to date with celebrity news, top stories, and 'Where Are They Now' profiles! Plus, we've added Movie Reviews, Hollywood Happenings Video, and you can suggest celebrities and vote on who should star in the next issue of Where Are They Now. http://www.celebritynooz.com/ Husky Puppy Tries To Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-6_ZJY6vH0 Whale Protects Diver From Shark https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTw8MR67xv8 5 CASES WHERE WILD ANIMALS SAVED HUMANS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhneeCCBub4 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Guards are supposed to perform their duty precisely, ceremoniously and without showing any emotion, but once in a while something unexpected happens.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27GPw4stUao A funny and entertaining look at some of the cutest sleeping pets you’ll ever see. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kxjBbdLXRA They say a tired dog is a happy dog so my dog must be a really happy dog as he has a hard time keeping his eyes open for any length of time when he’s in the house. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5ZIW52FG9M If you enjoyed the original 'Evian Babies', you may have fun watching them perform to "The Rollerskate Song" by folk singer Melanie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=341rybZ42vA bebes dançado PSY - Gangnam Style https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPAupvN9YQo --- ...Oh Gee! HaHA! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The Cleveland Zoo announced today that its rare black rhinoceros is pregnant. They made the announcement right after she confirmed it with her rhino-cologist." -Seth Meyers "Chipotle is considering opening a new restaurant that specializes in hamburgers. After what their burritos did, Chipotle now wants to ruin a new set of buns." -Jimmy Fallon "A package of salad mix that was sold in a Florida Walmart was found to contain a dead bat. This is shocking news - someone shopping at Walmart bought a salad." -Conan O'Brien "According to a new report, Amazon is now worth twice as much as Walmart. In response, Walmart announced that they're planning to open a second checkout lane." -Seth Meyers "There is a new trend in U.K. corporate policy where employees are being given paid time off so that they can acclimate a new pet to their home. They're calling it 'pawternity' leave. Paid time off for pets should not be a thing. Here is how that discussion should go: 'Excuse me, boss, I want to get a new dog, but I need a week off to bond with the animal.' And your boss goes, 'Oh, OK, cool. You're fired.'" -James Corden "Apple is close to becoming the first U.S. company worth over $1 trillion. Then Americans looked at their drawers filled with old iPods, and said, 'Yep. Seems about right.'" -Jimmy Fallon "The USDA has issued a health alert over premade salads and wraps sold at Walgreens due to concerns they may be contaminated with an intestinal parasite. So, if you're buying your meals at Walgreens, I have even more bad news." -Seth Meyers "Recently, couples in Montana competed in the first ever Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying Championship. This is a competition where husbands carry their wives on their backs through an obstacle course. The obstacles included a mud pit, a median wall, and a dirt ramp, although most of the couples failed at the final challenge, which was agreeing on a place for dinner." -James Corden "Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway." --John Wayne "Mustard's no good without roast beef." --Chico Marx "Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours." --Mark Twain "If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt." --Dean Martin "People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy." --Bob Hope "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." --W. C. Fields >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************