Little Liar Johnnie... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first scorcher is from our friend Linda. This rather proves our value system is messed up. Our athletes are well compensated for their talent verses those that give their life for us. Seems something is wrong with that. Check this out here... _--_ dMb __(._ ) d0P < (D) .MP .~ \ /~```M-. .~ V Mo_ \ -------============((((}{) ( (___. {:)-./ ~._____.(:} '94 the wolfe / .M\ / "" \ | /\ | / / \ \ / / \ \ \__/ \__/ / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ Amazing Athlete Homes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html --- ...What do you do with so much? Amazing! Thanks Linda! Our second hot tottie is from our friend KarenF. These folks have an amazing talent and mostly don't receive any compensation for it. Check this out here... ____ (_ _) . . / / .`_._'_.. / / \ o / / / Pru \ / / _/ /_ `. ~. `\___/'./~.' /.~'`. .`'`.`.'`'`.~.`'~.`'`.~` Sand Sculpture Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html --- ...Wow! These are so much fun! Thanks KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Little Liar Johnnie One evening as a family was eating dinner, the mother knowing that her young son Johnnie had been telling lot's of lies as of late, announced that she had made arrangements for her son to go over to talk to their priest. The priest had a good reputation for helping people who were compulsive liars. The mother asks her son if he would go over to the parsonage and help the priest with some chores. So Johnnie being a very helpful kid went over. At answering the door the priest ask Johnnie if he was at church Sunday, of course he lied and said yes. "Well," said the priest, "I guess you saw what happened at church Sunday?" "Yes" said Johnnie lying. "Well I guess you saw that big grizzly bear come through the front door and up the aisle grabbing people from their seats and eat them alive?" "Yeah" said Johnnie. .--. / \aa\_ "Well I guess you saw that little dog , \_/ ,_Y) come in right behind him, and stare ((.------`"=( each other down right in the middle of \ \ |o the church?" /) /__\ / / \ \_ / /| "Yeah" said Johnnie, lying again. jgs \_)\__) \_)_) After a few moments of silence the priest finally looked Johnnie straight in the eye and ask Johnnie if he honest to God believed that story. Johnnie replied, without a quiver, "I sure do preacher, that was my Dog!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE NOVEMBER HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 12 is National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day November 13 is National Indian Pudding Day November 14 is Operation Room Nurse Day November 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day November 16 is Button Day November 17 is Take A Hike Day November 18 is Occult Day ============================================================ >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Veteran's Day 2012 (Serious, Not Humor) In the United States, the Veteran's Day holiday is celebrated Sunday, November 11th (this is also Remembrance Day in Canada). In the early 1970's, Veteran's Day became a "movable" holiday -- the fourth Monday of October. In 1978, at the urging of veteran's groups who realized the sanctity of the date, Congress returned Veteran's Day to November 11th (if on a weekend, it moves to the closest Friday or Monday). Please remember that this day is not to honor war, but rather to honor the sacrifice made by others for our freedom. What we call Veteran's Day is the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice in the Forest of Campiegne by the Allies and the Germans in 1918 (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month). This signified the end of World War I and was originally known as Armistice Day. President Woodrow Wilson signed the Congressional Resolution on Nov. 11, 1919, the first Armistice Day. However, after World War II, the day began to lose meaning and since there were many other veterans to consider, the decision was made to change November 11th to honor all those who fought in American wars. The United States Congress passed an act to change the name to Veteran's Day and in 1954 President Dwight Eisenhower signed the act. With that in mind, I would like to say "thank you" to all the men and women with whom I served, and to especially remember those who aren't with us anymore. As a former Hospital Corpsman, I wish a heartfelt "Semper Fi" to all my Marine friends. - Tom Ellsworth (HM2 USN 1965-69) -<>- ,----------. ||########|| ||##( )##|| ||########|| `----..----' ,. || ,. \#\ || /#/ \#\||/#/ \ \/ / \ / / \ / /\ \ /#/||\#\ /#/ || \#\ `' || '` ____ || | | || | | || | | || | | || | ,| ____ `. || | ,#'| | | /\ `.`. || |#' | | | //\\ `.`. |____| | ,| //_ \\ `.`. || | ,#'| //HHhn\\ `.`. || |#' ,| '========' `.`. || | ,#'| | ,| `.`. |#' | | ,#'| `.`. |____| |#' ,| `.`. || | ,#'| `.`. || |#' ,| `.`. || | ,#'| `.`. |#' | jrei `.`. |____| `.`. || ´.`. || `.`. || `.`. >Directions A friend of ours from another city was on her way to our house when suddenly she realized she had made a wrong turn. She stopped and asked a lady for directions. "Go back down this road through a couple of traffic lights," she was instructed, "then stop and ask someone else." -<>- >Advice A young boy gave some serious advice to his little sister. He told her, "When you need help from our parents, don't ever tell them you made a mistake. Instead, say you want to talk to them about a recent learning experience. You get into much less trouble that way!" -<>- >Retirement Two officers pulled their police cruiser up behind a car stopped on the shoulder of the highway. They got out and asked the driver if they could help. No, he replied, there was no trouble; he had just stopped to look at a map. When we turned back, they noticed that his German Shepherd had jumped in the open passenger-side front window of the police car. "You may think there's no trouble," the first officer smiled, "but your dog obviously thinks he's done something wrong. He's in our patrol car." The motorist laughed. "He probably thinks you've come to take him to work," he replied. "He's a retired police dog." -<>- >Too Helpful Working for a judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful. To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce. As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor." His attorney advised him to plead guilty. -<>- _ ( ) ,,,,, \\ . . , \\ | - D (._) \__- | | | \\|_ , ,---- _ |----. \__ ( ( / ) _ | \/ \. ' _.| \ ( ) | \ /( / /\_ \ // \ / ( / / ) // ( , / / , (_.) |......\ | \, / / ) \--- b'ger /___/___^// >With the Trainer I was working out the other day when I spotted a very attractive young lady entering the gym. I asked the trainer, "What machine should I use to impress that gorgeous girl over there?" The trainer looked me up and down and said, "For you, I'd recommend using the ATM in the lobby." ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Annie :) \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz >Remembrance Day He was getting old and paunchy And his hair was falling fast, And he sat around the Legion, Telling stories of the past. Of a war that he once fought in And the deeds that he had done, In his exploits with his buddies; They were heroes, every one. And tho' sometimes to his neighbours His tales became a joke, All his buddies listened quietly For they knew whereof he spoke. But we'll hear his tales no longer, For old Bob has passed away, And the world's a little poorer For a Soldier died today. He won't be mourned by many, Just his children and his wife. For he lived an ordinary, Very quiet sort of life. He held a job and raised a family, Going quietly on his way; And the world won't note his passing, Tho' a Soldier died today. When politicians leave this earth, Their bodies lie in state. While thousands note their passing, And proclaim that they were great. Papers tell of their life stories >From the time that they were young. But the passing of a Soldier Goes unnoticed, and unsung. Is the greatest contribution To the welfare of our land, Someone who breaks his promise And cons his fellow man? Or the ordinary fellow Who in times of war and strife, Goes off to serve his country And offers up his life? The politician's stipend And the style in which he lives, Are often disproportionate, To the service that he gives. While the ordinary Soldier, Who offered up his all, Is paid off with a medal And perhaps a pension - though small. It is not the politicians With their compromise and ploys, Who won for us the freedom That our country now enjoys. Should you find yourself in danger, With your enemies at hand, Would you really want some cop-out, With his ever waffling stand? Or would you want a Soldier - His home, his country, his kin, Just a common Soldier, Who would fight until the end? He was just a common Soldier, And his ranks are growing thin, But his presence should remind us We may need his like again. For when countries are in conflict, We find the Soldier's part, Is to clean up all the troubles That the politicians start. If we cannot do him honour While he's here to hear the praise, Then at least let's give him homage At the ending of his days. Perhaps just a simple headline In the paper that might say: "OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING, A SOLDIER DIED TODAY." --- ...Awww, Nice one! thank you Annie! =================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb >WALKING THE DOG A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco . Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs." All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses! People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! True story..... Have a great day and remember.... THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR. (believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see) A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!! --- ...LOL! So true! Thanks Linda! -<>- _\@)_ ___ /`\ .' -,'-.__,@ / | `).-' _/ _\V^V^V^V/_ | /\ .=// ^.^ \\=. /\ / .'/| ._. |\'. / /-`. _\___/_ |/\/\ _@->` _ `<-@._ \ \.' @-'`\( `'-,@ '-. \ , @ , _.- `\ \ .'| : |` /'. _.' `"` \ : / /`\_| @ @_ _.'`""""""`'-\_\.--;` `-.` /, `, .-' _.@--; .-'| '. ;-._;@ jgs .' @' _.'. `@ \ | _.-'` '-. \ '-._ `-._n_ ) | `'-._ ) `-,.' / u-'--;`@ .' | / ,\ /, )\.'/ / ( \_.. '._.@ `-.-' >SOMETHING to OFFEND EVERYONE What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities.. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 20 kgs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in Grade 9. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18..... What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo? An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... Word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time..' A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiiit'. Why is there no Disneyland in China ? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides. --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! -<>- . .' \ .' . .' ...'.` ___.-. .' ...'.' _.---' `..' ...'.' __.---' .' ...'.' .--' .' ...'.'. /` .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `-. / .' ...'.' `. / ` _.-.' ...' `-._____.-' / / .' ...' /` /.'. ...' / .' .`.' \ / .' ...' | \ / /\ .' ...' \ | / / .' ...' / \ | /_/ .' ...' / | | |' `._..' .-------.__________.' .' .'---- .' | | | .' .... | | .' ...'| \ __.' | ___ / \...' \_`------------------._____ ___.---' / .-' | | \__/ `--.__ _.-' /.-' \__/ `------' ' >I was WRONG! I was wrong about the polls. I was wrong that voters would see through the media. I was wrong that our country wouldn’t wish economic suicide. I was wrong that most Americans cared about our children’s future. I was wrong that women thought of themselves as more than “lady parts.” I was wrong that America is more than a composite of hyphenated interest groups. I was wrong that atrocities like Fast & Furious and Benghazi would disgust the majority. And I was especially wrong about the wisdom of the electorate. Should have known better after decades of liberalism pervading our schools & pop culture. One thing I’m not wrong about. I’m not wrong about getting on my knees to pray for our nation. --- ...Absolutely! Thanks Linda! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend JoeL :) Florida Showing Massive Voter Fraud – As High as 158% Turnout http://visiontoamerica.com/12878/florida-showing-massive-voter-fraud/ Voter Fraud: Obama Won 108% of Registered Voters in Ohio County http://visiontoamerica.com/12872/voter-fraud-obama-won-108-of- registered-voters-in-ohio-county/ Colorado Counties Have More Voters Than People MASSIVE DEMOCRAT VOTER FRAUD http://www.redstate.com/2012/09/04/colorado-counties-have-more- voters-than-people/ --- ...Thanks JoeL! We'll see if they do anything! It will take Fox News coming out strong on it - they did mention today about Philadelphia vote results not quite adding up. -<>- >From BizarreNews: Thanks to the Internet we have all seen the dog who says, "Hello," and the dog who says, "I love mamma," and then there is the famous cat who says, "Oh, long Johnson," and "Oh, Don Piano." And, of course, with some birds you can practically have conversations. But have you seen the elephant who can speak Korean? An Asian elephant named Koshik can imitate human speech, speaking words in Korean that can be readily understood. The elephant accomplishes this by sticking his trunk in his mouth. As a juvenile elephant - a period when elephants are developing and forming bonds - it seems that Koshik was trying to connect with those around him. At the Everland Zoo in South Korea, humans were his only social contacts. Unfortunately, after more than five years of association with humans his vocabular is limited to five distinct words. Koshik can say, "annyong" (hello), "anja" (sit down), "aniya" (no), "nuo" (lie down) and "choah" (good). Not exactly Franz Kafka, but pretty good for an elephant. You better believe I found the video for you. You can watch it by clicking; Watch Koshik speak. *-- Man spots Bigfoot in Utah? --* SALT LAKE CITY - A Utah man says he saw Bigfoot while camping in Provo Canyon. The man, whose real name has not been reported, posted a video to YouTube of what he says he believes may be Bigfoot, KSTU-TV, Salt Lake City, reported Saturday. The man said he and a friend were hiking near Squaw Peak and Little Rock Canyon Overlook when they spotted what they believed to be a bear. But when "the monster stood up and looked right at us," they fled. "We had actually been standing there for awhile. We had thought it was a bear up to that point but when it stood up and looked at us it was just massive animal," said the video's uploader. "We don't know what it was. I mean none of us really believe in Bigfoot but we've talked about it over and over again since then. It happened on Monday and all of us are positive that thing wasn't a bear," the uploader said. *-- Nun charged with thefts from churches --* KENDALL, N.Y. - A nun, accused of stealing $128,000 from two New York State churches, was treated for a gambling addiction, a leader of her religious order said. Sister Mary Anne Rapp, 67, of Lewiston, N.Y., has "maintained her recovery" after completing a nine-month stay at a gambling treatment facility, Sister Edith Wyss, provincial minister for the Sisters of St. Francis of Penance and Christian Charity, said. Rapp was arraigned in Kendall, N.Y., Town Court Monday on a felony count of second-degree grand larceny, charged with stealing from two churches where she worked, in the Town of Kendall and the Village of Holley, the Buffalo, N.Y., News reported Tuesday. Attorney James P. Harrington entered a not guilty plea on her behalf, court records said. Sister Rapp allegedly stole money donated by church members to finance trips to a nearby casino and horse racing track, the newspaper said. "She agreed at our order's behest to seek treatment for her gambling addiction," said Wyss. "We continue to pray for Sister Mary Anne and help her deal with her addiction, which is sadly prevalent in our society." *-- Tattoo parlor tiles floor with pennies --* PITTSBURGH - The owner of a Pittsburgh tattoo parlor said she found covering her shop's floor with pennies was cheaper than buying tile. Mel Angst, owner of the Artisan tattoo shop, said she and a team of helpers spent about 300 hours gluing 250,000 pennies to the floor of her store, the New York Daily News reported Thursday. "Amazingly enough, we found it's a lot cheaper to just glue money to your floor than to actually buy tile. It's about $3 a square foot," Angst said. Angst said anyone who spent at least 30 hours helping with the floor will receive a complimentary Abraham Lincoln penny tattoo. "Some days it was just me. I think the most [people helping] we ever had was seven," Angst said. "But on average, three or four people a day for about 10 to 16 hours a day, for about three weeks straight, gluing these down." *-- Suspected gang member arrested over tattoo --* MINNEAPOLIS - Police in Minnesota said a suspected gang member was arrested over tattoo of a pig in a police uniform being shot. Hennepin County prosecutors said Antonio Jenkins Jr. posted a picture on Facebook of a tattoo on his right bicep depicting a pig in the uniform of Minneapolis police Officer Jeffrey Seidel being shot through the head by a person, the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported Friday. Jenkins, a suspected member of the Bloods street gang currently on probation for armed robbery, was arrested Thursday and charged with making a terroristic threat for the benefit of a gang. "It's pretty crude and pretty direct. The officer works in the area. [Jenkins] sent it out on Facebook. That's a lot," Hennepin County Attorney Mike Freeman said. Jenkins allegedly told police the pig was wearing Seidel's uniform because he was angry at the officer over an August 2011 event. The criminal complaint does not describe the incident. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) .--. , , ) .-----._ ___ < /) | | ||==|| _(())\) | | /|==|| __ .-' (()/ '-. :_____:/ |"_|/) /| _/ () \ / .-------. __.' / | oo)__/ () \ | / '=======' () / | :~ \_ ) _/ _/ /__________________/ | | |- (--|(,/ | [___o___] | | / ) \ | / [___o___] / | | ( \ | / [___o___] / | | ( | / | / | / . | |/ __ |/ | | : | <`,,'>,--,--..-, snd | |__/_____\ | / ( ( ) ) \ .,,. oo=' oo=' '-'\ ) ) ) )\ ___.---; < (,_)_)(_,)_/ / \ .-\_/_,__ ||| ||| _ _\_\_ \\ __\-' ~~ ~~ ( ) ( ) _/ '-' /_/-/_/-' >What is Celibacy? Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Eddie and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?” Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?” And thus began Eddie’s life of celibacy. --- ...LOL! Thanks Johanna! ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | \ .--. / | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ Police officers in Brockton, Mass received a call regarding an injured animal lying on a street corner. When they arrived at the scene they found a dog that had been hit by a car. But according to the local newspaper, the police report stated that the dog was okay and "refused medical treatment." -<>- Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand these days. I wasn't surprised when one of my daughter's friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents," she begged. "I won't" I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?" "Honesty," she said. -<>- We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter." -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw A very elderly gentleman, well dressed, hair well groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of after-shave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. To his delight, seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady. The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her, and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" -<>- I was addressing some mail when I noticed that my card file of frequently used addresses was missing. Thinking it must have fallen from my typing table into the wastebasket, I called the office janitor. "I've lost my Rolodex," I told him. "It may have been picked up with the trash. Is there any way you could find it?" He said he would conduct a search. When the janitor informed me he had searched every trash container for my Rolodex, with no luck, I thanked him for his trouble. As I left work that evening, the janitor met me at the door. "Good night," he said smiling apologetically. "Sorry I couldn't find your watch." -<>- .--------------. |~ ~| |H____________H| |.------------.| ||::.. __ || |'--------'--''| | '. ______ .' | | _ |======| _ | |(_)|======|(_)| |___|======|___| [______________] |##| |##| jrei '""' '"" Driving on the interstate, I saw a vehicle with the license plate ALT F7. I checked my computer at home, and as I suspected, it was a WordPerfect command. The truck had to belong to a plumber. Who else would choose the command "Flush Right"? -<>- At the urging of his doctor, John moved to Arizona. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man. "Say, my doctor recommended I move here for my health. Is this really a good place to live?" "It sure is," the man replied. "When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?" "I was born here." -<>- + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- A church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the sign company. The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entryway. The sign came back a few days later... "Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide." -<>- After my fifth-graders studied the history of the Alamo, I gave them a test with this bonus question: "What was the famous battle cry that later helped spur on independence for Texans?" One student's response: "Remember the alimony!" -<>- After just one year of marriage, Jill filed for divorce. A friend, trying to console her said that you never know what a man's like until you live with him. "I should have left him right after the honeymoon. He didn't even take me to Niagara Falls like he promised -- all we did was drive through a car wash a couple of times, real slow." -<>- I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a little backwoods country store. In the men's room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, "Please Wiggel Handel". Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel Bach?" -<>- I had a secretary who claimed that she liked to live like she types: Fast and with lots of mistakes. Did you hear what happened to the butcher? He backed into a meat slicer and got a little behind in his work. Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next door to St. Joseph's Church. After March 1, Cleanliness Is Next to Godliness.' ====================================================== >-->From TheMasti: Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dock into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "Darn, that sounds terrible..." Ed said. "What business were you in?" .-.-. (_\|/_) ( /|\ ) __ jgs '-'-'`-.__.-' `- "I sell good luck charms," said Ted. -<>- An American tourist asked a boat guy in Zanzibar, "Do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography, Geology or Criminology?" The boat guy said, "No. I don't know any of these." The tourist then said, "What the hell do you know on the face of this Earth? You will die of illiteracy!" The boat guy said nothing.. After a while the boat developed a fault and started sinking. The boatman then asked the tourist, "Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodiology?" The tourist said, "No!" The boat guy replied, "Well, today you will Drownology and Crocodiology will eat your Buttology. I will not Helpology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology." ================================================================ >-->From TheMouth: ,==. \\// .-~~-. ,",-""-.". | | | | | | .-"| |. ". `,",-" ,'.". `| |_,-' | | | | | | hjw ". `-._,-' ." `-.___,-' >------------------ Unlikely Marriages ------------------ 1. If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty. 2. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. 3. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. 4. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho. 5. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton- John Newton John. 6. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. 7. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting. 8. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver. 9. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh. 10. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou. 11. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G. 12. If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale. 13. If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener. 14. If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur. -<>- (\ \'\ \'\ __________ / '| ()_________) \ '/ \ ~~~~~~~~ \ \ \ ~~~~~~ \ ==). \__________\ (__) ()__________) unknown >----------------- HOW TO WRITE GOOD ----------------- Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.) Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Contractions aren't necessary. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. One should never generalize. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." Comparisons are as bad as cliches. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. Be more or less specific. Understatement is always best. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. The passive voice is to be avoided. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. Who needs rhetorical questions? Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. -<>- \\\ ____ ________``` \ =|- [________] \ | =| | _ | | \ __ ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__) /|\ (/(|(\ >---------------- SIGNS YOU'RE A LOUSY COOK ---------------- * Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren. * Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like. * Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him. * Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer. * You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle. * Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner. * Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in their lunch bags. * Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer. * No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple. * You burned the house down trying to make jelly. ========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Love Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovetest.html Real Drug Raid http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drugraid.html Value What You Have http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Worms!! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html Leaf Art Painting! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/art.html Indian Paper Sculpture! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/indianart.html Real Pencil Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pencil.html Amazing Horse Trainer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsetrainer.html Birth Of an Island! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/island.html Maxine On Holidays! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineholidays.html World Of Peacocks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html -<>- >From Our Friend Brenda :) She sent us one we have here... Aww Animals 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals8.html --- ...Love It! Thanks Brenda! Pandas http://www.wimp.com/cutepandas/ --- ...LMAO! So Cute! Thanks Brenda! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) See your house in the snow globe CLICK ON THE SITE BELOW, PUT IN YOUR ADDRESS Then click the "Shake" button http://www.draftfcb.com/holiday2011/ --- ...Pretty cool! I like the donation part too! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friends TonyB And Linda :) Lion King http://www.wimp.com/christianlion/ --- ...a sweet one! Thanks Tony And Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us ones we have here... God Is Like... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html Animal Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Whale Rescue 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html --- ...Awesome Story! Thanks Linda! SUMMER IS BEAUTIFUL BUT FALL IS SPECTACULAR... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bgardens.html --- ...Oh Yeah! Thanks Linda! Ho Chi Minh Trail today http://www.laosgpsmap.com/ho-chi-minh-trail-laos/ --- ...Wow! Sad visuals. Thanks Linda! {An Et-Ahem!] Men & Women Differences This gal is from Australia, very funny. ;) winking http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=sbF-4LOOC5c --- ...Whoa - she does get down to it! HaHa! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) If you haven't seen this watch it and pass it on It's coming here for Muslims.... we already do this for minorities already... TOP Song in England It's happening here as well and NOW… http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=wq_lhlIn1e0 --- ...LOL! Sounds so much like our problem! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) Check Your Credit Cards!! [and debit cards] http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/lLAFhTjsQHw%26sns=em --- ...Man! That is crazy! Thanks for the heads up Johanna! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : home for hackers http://tinyurl.com/cpc7d6u --- ...Hmmm, That's odd. Thanks Wesley! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The lady at the bank asked, 'What do you want on your checks, wildlife, scenery?' I said, 'I want a picture of a big, thick- necked guy on my checks. A bouncer - that's what my checks are going to be.'" -Bob Kubota "No matter how much money you make, you always need an extra $40 a week. I'm sure it was Einstein who first stated: Exp- ense equals salary plus forty bucks." -Jeffrey Jena "I fell in love once, and I thought she fell in love with me too. Are you familiar with the situation? I sat with an en- gagement ring, waiting for an answer. I was a single guy with an engagement ring. It was like having a loaded gun laying around the house. I was frightened I'd marry somebody by ac- cident." -Jake Johannsen "My Halloween was marred. Horrible incident. A kid dressed as O.J. Simpson broke into my house and stole all my candy." -Jay Leno "What a crazy Halloween in Hollywood last night. My arm is killing me from throwing eggs all night." -Jimmy Kimmel "This week Wal-Mart started selling a $199 computer. What they don't tell you is the computer is actually an Etch-a- Sketch taped to a toaster oven." -Conan O'Brien "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped." - Groucho Marx "A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things." - Herman Melville "'Secretariat' actually got his own postage stamp in 1999. And coincidentally, he was also the glue on the back of it." - Craig Ferguson "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." - Anonymous "Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation." - Walter Winchell "This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two." - George Burns "I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run." - Babe Ruth "I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position." - Mark Twain >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************