Living In 2012, Dating And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Today's super hottie is from our friend KarenF. The artistic imagination of people never ceases to amaze me! Check out this awesome talented lady! .-. __/ ( , '-.____\ u=='/ \ /_/ \ .-'' | ( ____/_____ _>_/.-------- \/// // snd // Book Sculpture Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bookart.html --- ...Intriguing! Thank You KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: ___ (___) Carjacking Foiled: /` `\ / /"\ \ An elderly lady did her shopping and upon \_/o o\_/ return found 4 males in her car. She dropped ( _ ) her shopping bags and drew her handgun, `\ /` proceeding to scream at them at the top of /\\V//\ her voice that she knows how to use it and / /_ _\ \ that she will if required.... so get out of \ \___/ / the car. \/===\/ || || The 4 men didn't wait around for a second || || invitation but got out and ran like mad, ||___|| where upon the lady proceeded to load her |_____| shopping bags into the back of the car jgs ||| and got into the drivers seat. Small / Y \ problem, her key wouldn't fit the ignition. `"`"` Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where four pale white males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly, white woman......no charges were filed. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE SEPTEMBER HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 24 is Festival Of Latest Novelties September 25 is National Comic Book Day September 26 is National Good Neighbor Day and National Pancake Day September 27 is Crush A Can Day September 28 is Ask A Stupid Question Day September 29 is Poisoned Blackberries Day September 30 is National Mud Pack Day ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) _ .-;;;. .;;;;;;;;. .;;;;;;;;;;;;. .;;;;;;;;;;;-'_\ .;;;;;;;-'_,-' ` .;;;-'_,-'___ __) |__,-'---'=) (( \:: `- \-/ \- ) ' .__\ \ / ___/ /`' ( '---) _/ \ \ `\ `-; \ \ ` . --' \ \ ` / \ / |\ bni A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. " "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden." "So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. --Author Unknown --- ...Great advise! Thanks Bunni! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) \\\\ c oo | .U __=__ ,,, |. __|___ oo ; ||_/ / / U= _ 0 \_/__/__E o /. .| | (___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~| I---||| |-----------------------| I ||| | c(__) | ^ '--'' ^ ^ Petrus In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news, he said as he surveyed the worried faces. The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?' The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a Democrat's brain; $200 for a Republican's brain." The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually had to 'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republicans. A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is a Democrat's brain so much more than a Republican's brain?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans' brains a lot lower because they've been used." --- ...LOL! Oh My! Thanks KarenF! -<>- <\> \{)~_ .- `%. ( % `. `. ,%% ) `,--+-- ' // || /_| |_\ _ | ejm -' >I'm older than dirt Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?' 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.' 'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?' 'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. ! 'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it : Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis , set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people... I never had a telephone in my room..The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.. Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six dayss a week. He had to get up at 6AM every morning. Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it? MEMORIES from a friend : My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. How many do you remember? Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the dashboard. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. _______ _.-'\ /'-._ _.-' _\ .-. /_ '-._ .-' _.-' |/.-.\| '-._ '-. .' .-' _|| ||_ '-. '. / .' .-' ||___|| '-. '. \ / .' .-' _.-'-----'-._ '-. '. \ / / .' .-' ~ ~ '-. '. \ \ / / / .' ~ * ~ ~ '. \ \ \ / / /.'........ * ~ * ~'.\ \ \ | / //:::::::::: ~ _____._____ \\ \ | | | |/::::::::::: * '-----------' \| | | .--.|__||_____________________________||__|.--. .' '----. .-----------------------. .----' '. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' .'--------. |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| .--------'. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' .'--------. |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| .--------'. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' | | || ____ |:| | | | | |:| ____ || | | | | || | ||:| | | | | |:|| | || | | | | || |____||: Wurlitzer :||____| || | | | | || | /|:| | | | | |:|\ | || | | | | || |_.` |:| | | | | |:| `._| || | | | | || .---.-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-.---. || | | | | || | |\ /\ / \ /\ /| | || | | | | || | |~\/ \/ ~ \/ \/ | | || | | | | || | | /\ ~/\ ~ /\ ~/\ | | || | | | | || | |/ \/ \ / \/ ~\| | || | | | | || | |\~ /\~ / \~ /\ /| | || | | | | || | | \/ \/ ~ \/ \/ | | || | | | | || | | /\~ /\ ~ /\ ~/\ | | || | | | | || |===|/ \/ .-. \/ \|===| || | | | | || | | ~ /\ ( * ) /\ ~ | | || | | | | || | \ / \/'-'\/ \ / | || | | /-._|__|| \ \ ~ /\ ~ /\~ / / ||__|_.-\ |-._/__/| \ './ .-. \.' / |\__\_.-| | | | || '._ '-| |-' _.' || | | | | | | || '._ | | _.' || | | | | | | || '-._| |_.-' || | | | | | | || __ | | || | | | | | | || O__O |_| || | | | '.|_|__||_____________________________||__|_|.' | | |-----------------------------| | | | | [_____________________________] | | | | |/ LGB \| | | '._|__.' '.__|_.' Older Than Dirt Quiz : Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about Ratings at the bottom. 1. Candy cigarettes 2. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes 3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles 4. Party lines on the telephone 5. Newsreels before the movie 6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate]) 7. Peashooters 8. Howdy Doody 9. 45 RPM records 10. Hi-fi's 11. Metal ice trays with lever 12. Blue flashbulb 13. Cork popguns 14. Studebakers 15. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 11-15 =You're older than dirt! I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life. Don't forget to pass this along!! Especially to all your really OLD friends... --- ...I'm not telling my age! TeeHee! Thanks KarenF! -<>- >Hollywood Squares: If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes, and a smile to your face. These great questions and answers are from the days when " Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Peter Marshall: True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget. Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year? Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries! Peter Marshall: Diamonds should not be kept with your family jewels, why? Paul Lynde: They're so cold! Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other? Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Peter Marshall: According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? Rose Marie: No; wait until morning. --- ...LOL! Funny Show! Thanks KarenF! -<>- _________________________________________________ / /| / _/_/_/_/_/ _/_/_/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/___/ _/_/_/_/ // / //| / _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/__/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ //|| / __/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ / _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ //_|/ ,--------- /_/__/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/___/ _/ _/_/_/_/ // /__/__/__/ /| / __/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/__/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/ / // / / | / __/_________________/ ___/_/_/ // / / . / // / / .' (________________________________________________(/ (__________(.' Dirk Feeken >YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2012 WHEN.... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in your groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself. And you know this applies to other computer addicted friends and none of you would log off in fear of missing something! --- ...LOL! Great ones! Thanks KarenF! Oh and... 15. Obama stops blaming Bush for everything and starts blaming Romney for all his shortcomings! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >From ConservativeByte: Fact Check: Obama Lies About Responsibility for Deficit http://tinyurl.com/8nod6de -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: Ahmadinejad To Meet With 'Occupy Wall Street' on US Soil http://tinyurl.com/d5bzgqc -<>- >From The TeaParty: Obama: Attacks In Middle East 'Bumps In The Road' http://tinyurl.com/budvsyj -<>- >From ConservativeVideos: Cartoon Obama Explains What He Really Meant by 'You Didn't Build That' http://tinyurl.com/dx2jn75 -<>- >From GodfatherPolitics: Florida Democrat Still Pushing Courts to Prove Obama's Eligibility http://tinyurl.com/csxukcv -<>- >From CowboyByte: Top 10 bad economic signs for Obama http://tinyurl.com/croothx -<>- >From Our Friend JoeL :) The Project http://tinyurl.com/8ldy3e9 --- ...Interesting! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) American Capitalism Gone With A Whimper http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/pravda.asp --- ...Sad, but true views from the USSR! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Wow. I guess it really is true that women just do not know how to use tools. Take the case of this Everett, Washington woman. 44-year-old Renee Bishop-McKean is accused of trying to decapitate her sleeping husband with an electric saw in a bizarre revenge plot. The couple had been living apart but jurors were told the woman invited her husband over and told him to sleep on a mattress that she had wrapped in plastic. That should have been his first hint that something wasn't exactly right. In the middle of the night the woman attacked her husband with the saw, but the noise woke the victim and he was able to fight her off. But she wasn't finished. Upon realizing the saw wasn't going to work she then attacked him with a hatchet and mallet, striking him on the head. But she was still unable to kill him. Bishop-McKean told police an attacker must have entered the home through an open window, found the saw and attacked her husband, however Deputy Prosecutor Paul Stern noted the window was locked. He called the woman's theory the "Tinker- bell did this" defense. Police found evidence that Bishop-McKean had purchased the saw, hatchet and mallet shortly before the attack and stock- piled bleach and a supply of large garbage bags. Jurors needed less than three hours to find her guilty of first-degree assault and attempted murder. *-- Student hit by falling mattress --* NEW YORK - A New York college student said he suffered a sprained neck when he was struck by a mattress that fell about 30 stories to the sidewalk. Jesse Scott Owen, 18, said he was walking in the city around 12:45 p.m. Tuesday when the mattress fell from a building and hit him on the head, the New York Daily News reported Wednesday. "This was the most absurd thing that ever happened to me," the King's College freshman said. He said the impact knocked him unconscious. "I woke up and people were putting me on the mattress," he said. "I asked where the mattress came from and they said, 'You were knocked out by it.'" Witness- es said the mattress may have been carried by winds from the rooftop spa of the Setai Wall Street. A manager at the Setai did not respond to an email requesting a comment, the Daily News said. Owen was taken to the New York Down- town Hospital with a sprained neck and a possible herniated disc. *-- Debt collector gets debt collection calls --* TORONTO - A legal squabble has resulted in a Canadian debt collection agency making demands on a competitor to pay its lawyers' fees. The unusual situation -- in which a collection agency pursued another -- began in 2010 when one of Canada's largest debt-chasers, iQor Canada, contracted with a Toronto legal firm to help with wrongful dismissal issues, the Canadian Broadcasting Corp, reported. The law firm billed iQor almost $55,000 for its services, but it wasn't paid, the report said. The lawyers then enlisted rival Credit Control Central, which began making phone calls and sending letters to its competitor to collect. In May 2011, iQor paid $50,677 of its legal bill, short by $4,374, the report said. In turn, the legal firm went to small claims court to get the difference and won. Credit Control Central President Don Vence told the CBC the situation was peculiar for the debt-chasing business. "It's a dichotomy to have a company calling other companies for money, or individuals asking them to live up to their financial commitments when they themselves don't," he said. *-- Vandals write 'bicth' on SUV --* YORK CITY, Pa. - Police in Pennsylvania said vandalism found spray-painted on a woman's sport utility vehicle included the misspelled word "bicth." York City police said the woman reported Saturday morning someone had used white paint to write the word, as well as the letters "LK," a picture of a crown and an indistinguishable design, on her 2004 Chevrolet Tahoe while it was parked at her home overnight, The York (Pa.) Dispatch reported Monday. Investigators said a motorcycle was also stolen from the woman's home and was later found abandoned in Spring Garden Township. *-- Woman, 102, dotes on 82-year-old car --* CANTON, Ohio - A 102-year-old woman who brought her 1930 Packard 740 Roadster to an Ohio car show said she still changes her own oil and spark plugs. Margaret Dunning of Plymouth, Mich., said at the 18th annual Glenmoor Gather- ing of Significant Automobiles at Glenmoor Country Club in Canton the car was in rough shape when she bought it in 1949 but it has since been restored with four upholstery jobs and 22 coats of hand-rubbed lacquer, the Akron (Ohio) Beacon Journal reported Monday. Dunning said she still often finds herself crawling under the car, which was the first vehicle to ever receive a 100-point score by the Classic Car Club of America, with a funnel and an oil pan. "I love the old cars," she said. "I love the smell of gasoline. It runs in my veins." "The lines of a Packard car are very artistic as far as I'm concerned. My family drove Packards, and I was very proud of the fact. I guess I got indoctrinated," she said. Dunning, who has been driving since she was 8 years old and was about 20 when her Packard rolled off the assembly line, said motoring in her everyday car, a 2003 Cadillac, sometimes gets her in trouble for speeding. "I have lead in my feet," she quipped. "It disturbs the policemen very badly, but it doesn't bother me at all." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: . . (>\---/<) ,' `. / q p \ ( >(_Y_)< ) >-' `-' `-<-. / _.== ,=.,- \ /, )` '( ) ; `._.' `--< : \ | ) \ ) ;_/ hjw `._ _/_ ___.'-\\\ `--\\\ For a romantic touch, I washed our sheets with lavender- scented fabric softener. When my husband got into bed, he sniffed. "What's this?" he asked. "Guess," I said coyly. "I have no idea," he said. "It smells like the stuff you use to line the hamster's cage." -<>- The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain. When the officers arrived, I heard my neighbor tell them, "Hey, dogs bark. It's human nature." -<>- I arrived home to find the place ransacked. Fortunately, my niece and her husband, PJ, were with me. Grabbing a golf club out of the trunk, PJ searched the house to make sure the robber was gone. Then he looked at the club a three iron. "I should have taken the wedge," he said. "Why?" I asked. "Lately I've been having trouble hitting anything with my three." -<>- I answered a 911 call at our emergency dispatch center from a woman who said her water broke. "Stay calm," I advised. "Now, how far apart are your contractions?" "No contractions," she said breathlessly. "But my basement is flooding fast." -<>- I suppose it speaks volumes about the state of my marriage when I admit to nodding knowingly at a remark made by a colleague. She was telling me about the death of another co-worker's spouse, when she commented, "How sad. They'd been married only five years, so I imagine she still loved him." -<>- On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer." -<>- , , . , ~@ `@ @~ `@ , ~@ @ZXZ%%X&ZX%Z%XZ@`, ;@ % @.~@,-.&&,-.@~ @ @H @~ ,@X ~ @( )( )@" ~@X H @ ) () ( ;@H@. , `@X , ` '-=o=-'=o=-' %@ `@ % @ ,@ X@~ ~ X@ " " % , ;@H ,-. H@. %@~ .,. (/)_) `@X H ` ,*@@@*. d " b ,@%@~ %@~ &&&-b \ / ~@% X@. && /: ,-/[x]\-. ' X@ ~@H &!! / \|M|/ \ H ` 'X@ /]( )[\ /|M|\~| | X@: H | ( ~~ ) !\| |/ | | `@% H@. `='8 [`=' |-| | | ~ H ,@X \\(@*)// |-| |/ H@~ %@~ / (*@@*) \_| |__| `@X H ` / (*@) \ | | ,@%@~ X@ / ,~ ;: ~` \| | H `@% ' / : ; \ | ~@% , H /~ ; \ | X@. X@. /., ~@~ ~@~ \| H H / '"*.,,*"'*,.,*'"\| `@H @X@~ / \ X@ ~ %@, / \ ,@H ~ H / \ H H@.@~ ~@\ %@, ,@X `'"*'*, ~@~ ~@~ ,.*'"*" ~@X H@~ '"*,.*"'"*.,*"' H@. H><>gpyy<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>- After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. As they passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, "Father, what's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home." ======================================================= >-->From The Mouth: .---------. _ |:: [-=-] | | | |_________| |~| |_| ,;;;;, I\ ,__ ,;;;, __, ///\\\\\ I |{ / . . \ } / " \\|| I | ) ( _ ) ( \_= _/// I |{___'-. .-'___}\___ )_\ I ||~/,'~~~~~,\~~|'---(( \ I \ // \\ | \ \ \ I \/ // | | /-/ I (/ (/ | |/||\ I | | | | I | | |____/ I :-----_o_-----: || | I | /~~|===|~~\ | (( | jgs I || |===| || ||_/ /^\ "~ '^^^' "" ((__| SONGS FROM THE HOSPITAL "HIT PARADE" * I'll be Sewing You. * Red Cells in the Sunset. * It's Spleen a Long, Long Time. * It Had to Be Flu. * On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma. * Gonna Take a Sentimental Gurney. * The Staphs and Streps Forever. * Old Man's Liver. * I've Grown Accustomed to Her Brace. * The Girl From Emphysema. * MRI Blue? * My Melancolicky Baby. * From Here to Maternity. -<>- >Ways to Tell If You Have PMS * Everyone around you has an attitude problem. * You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. * The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. * Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. * You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving- call 1-800-###-####. * Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. * Inanimate objects get on your nerves. * You're counting down the days until menopause. * You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. * The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. * You dump the pretzels out of the bag, and eat the salt. While simultaneously eating a gallon of ice cream. * You cry at commercials one minute, and contemplate assault the next. -<>- , ,_ , .'<_ _> `'-,'(__.-' __< >_.--(.. ) =;` jgs `V-'`'\/`` >** Thoughts for today ** 1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. 2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. 4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. 6. A penny saved is a government oversight. 7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. 8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. 9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 10. He who hesitates is probably right. 11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 14. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS" -<>- >** ELEVEN GREAT PUNS ABOUT THE LAW ** 11) Lawyers wear law suits. 10) Next time you get a lawyer a drink, give him just-ice. 9) A lawyer using a facsimile machine must be sure to get his fax straight. 8) A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining. 7) Does a lawyer representing an angry cow find just cause for sour milk in a dairy case? 6) A detective likes to have a brief case. 5) The detective who went to investigate a burned down post office figured that it must be blackmail. 4) There are many judges who would like to acquit smoking. 3) Old judges never die, they just slur their sentences. 2) A police dog is often the scenter of a drug arrest. 1) If there's one person you don't want to interrupt in the middle of a sentence, it's a judge. ============================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >Quotes: Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. -- Mark Twain The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. -- Samuel Johnson -<>- ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >Why -- I ask WHY? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt"? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your OB-GYN or urologist leave the room when you get undressed if he or she is going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs... What do you call male ballerinas? Can blind people see in their dreams? Do they dream?? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? (Stop singing and read on...........) Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? -<>- Numbers in the U.S. 1.000 = Mathematical value of perfect flatness .957 Flatness of a pancake .9997 Flatness of Kansas, as published in a recent scientific study proving that the state is indeed flatter than a pancake -<>- A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know Jesus' Mother's name?" Susie raised her hand and said, "It was Mary." The teacher said, "Very good Susie. Do you know Jesus' Father's name?" Little Johnny said, "Yes, it was Virgil, but he went by Virg." The teacher asked how he came up with that answer. He said, "You know, Virg 'n Mary." -<>- The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?" -<>- __ ___ / / ___( (\_( ) )/ / |\___` \\_\/_/_/_\ | | ____/\_\`._._... | ||\__/ '_\ \`_._\.\ \|| | | | | | | || | |^| | | | \ | | | | \|ejm__| |____| Morris ran into Jacob while shopping at the mall the other day and noticed that he had a small gift wrapped box in his hand. Jacob told Morris, "Beckie's birthday is coming up and when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said, "Oh, I don't know just give me something with lots of diamonds in it'." "So what did you get her?" Morris asked. Jacob smiled and replied, "I bought her a deck of cards!" -<>- I just read The Between Boyfriends Book by Cindy Chupack .-=-. ////"\\ .=. ( 6 6 ) //"\\ \ - / (/6 6\) _.) (._ )\ = /(-` `:` `\ _(_ ) ( _)-| : |\ \ (_/ `\_/` \ | : |/ / / (_ @ _) \\_ : _/ / \ \)___(/ / |===|_) \/`"""`\/ | L | | | | | | | | | | | |_____| | | | ||| | | | ||| | | | ||| |_|_| jgs / Y \ / T \ `"`"` `"`"` >Here are some definitions about dating from this author: Lone Rangered: To have had a relationship end in a mysterious and annoying way--with no good-bye, no answers, just the vague feeling that you have no idea who that man was. "Hey Baby" Weight: The weight you have to be at in order to date again and to have random men on the street call out, "Hey baby…" Relationship Equivalency Exam: A test that would allow you to earn credit for past dating experience so you could pick up a new relationship where the old one left off. Dating Horrorscopes: Dismal astrological predictions to help manage the expectations of the newly back-on-the-market dater. The Rant: A long, angry, and ideally humorous speech you will inevitably receive after one too many disappointing Valentine's Days. Halloweenies: People who break up around Halloween because it's the last stop before the family-filled, gift-mandated, high pressure holidays: Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's. Season's Gripings: The complains you might lodge after receiving your 200th photo Christmas card featuring the family you've yet to create. Imposter Complex: What a relationship columnist might feel when she is not currently in a relationship, has not been able to maintain a relationship, does not have any prospects for a new relationship, nor does she even have a funny term for this predicament. Carmunication: The language used by fathers when communicating with their adult daughters, basically consisting of the phrase, "How's the car?" Relationship Reruns: A sobering stage (usually occurring around age thirty) when you realize that the men you meet are basically repeats of the men you've already dated. Male Harems: An idea whose time has come; the many men you can juggle once you genuinely STOP looking for a commitment. Cupidity: The faulty logic that leads a well-meaning but clueless third party to believe that two random singles are perfect for each other. Seventeen Dates: After a breakup, the approximate number of bad dates you have to endure before you have a good one. Last Call: A bachelor's final, desperate phone call warning ex-girlfriends and unrequited loves that he's about to go off the market, so act now! The Visa Defense: The claim, usually invoked by men, that "I paid, therefore I am innocent." Sloppy Joes: A new breed of men, spawned by technological advances, who are so busy dating they inadvertently call or e-mail the wrong women. Male Friend Moratorium: The decision, made by a single woman, that she doesn't need any more male friends; that from now on her answer to the question "Can we just be friends?" is "No." Snooze-Lose Syndrome: The pressure single women face due to the miniscule amount of time a decent guy is actually available; our lamentable inability to put a guy on hold like a sweater. Sports Dates: A seemingly "fun" alternative to dinner and a movie, usually involving a little healthy competition, which is not always healthy for a new relationship. Going Hollywood: The process of transforming from a nice Midwestern girl-next-door into someone who has a psychic, trainer, agent, and nutritionist on her speed dial. Relocationships: The kind of relationship that necessitates moving to a place where you would never consider living, but you MUST now consider it because there's a decent single guy there (or rumors of a decent single guy). Dater's Remorse: That sick feeling you get after dating someone you didn't really need and couldn't emotionally afford. Do Not Recucsitate Romance (DNRR) Order: A directive that you are not, under any circumstances, allowed to revive or "restart the heart" of a past relationship. The Frequent Crier Conundrum: Men who are too sensitive and the women who can't love them. Eggistential Crisis: A panic attack, common among women in their late thirties, which is triggered by the realization that your desire to have children and your desire not to settle might be mutually exclusive. Man-Me-Downs: Men who are passed on from one woman to another after a failed attempt at romance, and the mayhem that inevitably ensures. Premature "We"jaculation: A common dating dysfunction occurring when one member of a couple starts using the "we" before the other is ready. (and the one Shara likes best) Retrodating: Reconnecting with one of the first boys you ever kissed in order to get back in touch with your own dating innocence and joy. ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Bible: Overseer http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/overseer.html BiBi's Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescue.html God's Little Love Notes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/notes.html Rules For US Citizens http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html Chalk Art 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart5.html House Dust Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dusthouse.html Crop Circles 2009 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery2.html Eagle Vs Swan http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagleswan.html Jellyfish Lake http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jellyfish.html Darvaza - Door To Hell http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.html IRONIC - Isn't It? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony.html Transparent Butterfly http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/butterfly.html World Of Peacocks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html God's Paintings 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpaints2.html Northern Lights Over Teepees http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teepees.html Junkyard Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/junkart.html Best Parents http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestparents.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : don't mess with taxes http://goo.gl/4zmvL Teaching Mommies http://www.2teachingmommies.com/ Home Maintenance! https://brightnest.com/ ripped : let me google that for you http://goo.gl/FeV3 ripped : educating the world about finance ? http://www.investopedia.com/#axzz27RD0XxpS --- ...Very Useful ones! Thanks Wesley! I recently have been using this one a lot too - I had new friends writing me that I needed this for: Google Translate http://translate.google.com/ ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study found that government employees are the happiest workers. The study was not conducted at the DMV." -Conan O'Brien "There is a new survey out about the happiest professions. The city that has the happiest workers is Miami. Because Miami has both things people need to be happy. Thongs and rollerblading." -Craig Ferguson "Researchers in Japan are working on a new drug that could treat gambling addiction. But I'll bet you 2-to-1 it doesn't work." -Jimmy Fallon "I read that the Apple executive who designed the iPhone just bought a new $17 million mansion in California. And if there's any justice at all, he'll find out the new house isn't compatible with any of the furniture from his last house." -Jimmy Fallon "A lot of people make money off of weddings, such as caterers, photographers, and divorce lawyers." -Craig Ferguson "A man in Pennsylvania was arrested for planting marijuana on the property of a church. People could tell something was up because instead of communion wafers, the priest was just handing out Barbeque Pringles." -Jimmy Fallon "A man in Albuquerque has registered his dog to vote. Apparently the dog likes the current administration but he's not sure he wants another 28 years of Obama." -Conan O'Brien "Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or bio- rhythms or love." -Craig Ferguson "McDonald's announced they're going to start posting for the first time ever the calorie count of their menu items. Not to be outdone, Cinnabon announced they will start announcing their death toll." -Conan O'Brien "A new poll claims that 58 percent of Americans believe Barack Obama would beat Mitt Romney in a fistfight. I didn't realize that was an option. Maybe we can wrap this election up tonight. Make it a pay-per-view event. We could wipe out the national debt in one night." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new survey found that the tooth fairy left about 42 cents less in 2011 than it did the year before. When kids lose teeth now, they're like, 'Ehh, I'm gonna hold onto this until the market improves.'" -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************