Living In The South And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) _____________ __________ /\ \_____ _ (\ -=- \ |; _____|_| `\ --=-= \ \/____________/ \ -==--=- \ __ ) -==-==- ) jgs \/ ( =-==-= ( \ -=- \ /_) -=- ) `""""""""""` I got a message from our friend Carol the other day. In it she said 'I don't see recipes in your sending'. The only reason this is true is because I hoard them. It's not because I don't share them though. I share everything I get - eventually when I get around to it :) Now that the kids are going back to school, perhaps I'll have more time to share the ones I've been getting. I collect them. Like so many things. I've been building my web site since 1997 - no Obama and the government didn't hand it to me on a silver platter - I've been building it and working on it all these years. It has many of my most favorite things, like recipes on it. You can find my own recipes and some of my favorite ones here: Easy-Does-It Home Recipes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html I've collected over 4000 Animated Images and have them tucked away in an easy to use A-Z listing here... Animated Gallery http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html My own Bible Teachings and some of my favorites from TruthOrTradition.com are here... Bible Study Menu http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/BibleStudy.html I've collected Dog Breed images and put them here... Dog Gallery http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dog.html Some of my favorite word phrases and or origins are here... Word/Phrase Origins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html I've collected some most useful, fun and educational web site links and put them all here... FUN URLS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html I have many more things I collect on my web site too. I update and add to these collections all the time. I collect, hoard and share. It is what I do. With school starting I'll be going through my FUN URLS and get the dead or bad links out of there. I haven't done that yet this year. It takes several hours. You can see all my collections from my Home Page Here... Shangrala Family Fun http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com Just thought you'd like to know. :) -<>- >Page Resolution Oh yes, another thing I'd like to bring up. All my pages are in the 800 rather then the 1024 resolution. Sorry, but I have degenerate cornea disease so my eyesight is limited. To make my pages fill out to the 1024 resolution, press Ctrl + [Control plus] keys or to make them smaller, Ctrl - [Control minus] keys. I learned this trick to help me see things better. :) -<>- >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first hot tottie is from our friend Johanna. These are so awesome, I'd like one! Check it out here... __ L_\_ L__J hs Remember Bumper Cars? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bcar.html --- ...Awww, my favorite ride at the fair! Thanks Johanna! This next scorcher is from our friend KarenF. I am so excited to be able to host a Panoramic interactive photo - AND OF MARS No Less! Absolutely a 'must' share! Check this out here... ___ /]_/ |\/|.--/'-. \|/:o / /\ ._, \_/_.'0/ _|_ \____]] (>[___]=]]]=== / \___/P{] __// /----\/ (_[-'\__/_ / | | \ '=='='==' ____||||___ snd (_""_/ \_""_) Mars Panoramic View http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mars.html --- ...Wow, pretty super amazing! Thanks KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Two Gas Men (IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII) )'.'.'.':;:;:'.'.'.'( Two gas company servicemen, a senior ('.'.'.;' | `:.'.'.') training supervisor and a young trainee, )'.'.';' | `:'.'.'( were out checking meters in a suburban ('.'.;' | `:.'.') neighborhood. They parked their truck )'.';'____|____`:'.'( at the end of the alley and worked (==@' | `@==) their way to the other end. )'.: @() :.'( ('.'. ()@() .'.') At the last house a woman looking out )'.'. ()@()@) .'.'( her kitchen window watched the two men ('.'. _\|/_ .'.') as they checked her gas meter. )'.'. |-----| .'.'( ('.'.___\___/___.'.') Finishing the meter check, the jgs )'.'============='.'( senior supervisor challenged his ('.' '.') younger coworker to a foot race ~ ~ down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. _ _|=|__________ As they came running up to the / \ truck, they realized the lady from / \ that last house was huffing and /__________________\ puffing right behind them. They || || /--\ || || stopped and asked her what was ||[]|| | .| ||[]|| wrong. ()||__||_|__|_||__||() ( )|-|-|-|====|-|-|-|( ) Gasping for breath, she replied, jgs^^^^^^^^^^====^^^^^^^^^^^ "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE AUGUST HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 20 National Radio Day August 21 National Spumoni Day August 22 Be An Angel Day August 23 National Spongecake Day August 24 Knife Day August 25 Kiss-And-Make-Up Day August 26 National Cherry Popsicle Day ======================================================= _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon >-->Phyllis Diller - Quotes [always was a funny lady] A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. --- ...Sadly she'll be missed but not forgotten! ===================================================== >-->From Our Friend Carol :) _.-------------. .-'' .;'| ;==============;+' | | | | | (} (} {) (} | | | | | | .==========. | | | | _ .'"+_/)| | | | |( \( (`( | | | | | \- `. -)| | | | | ( ( _ )| | | | | `--' `' | | ; | `----------' | .' | |.' `--------------' ko1 >Tips: Yummy brownies Start with a box of brownie mix. I don’t have a favorite; I just buy whatever brand is a dollar. I usually stock up on a few boxes when they go on sale. I use the 9×13 size box. Peanut Butter Brownies: * Make the brownies with the directions from the package and put the batter in your pan. (Follow the directions on the box to determine if the pan needs to be greased.) * Take about a 1/2 a cup of peanut butter and melt it in the microwave until it is runny. * Pour it in 2 strips (the long way) on top of the batter * Take a regular table knife and swirl the peanut butter in to the batter. * Bake until it is done. Mocha Brownies: * Make the brownies with the directions from the package BUT replace the water with COFFEE! * Dump in about a 1/2 a sack of chocolate chips (optional but totally worth it). * Put the batter in a greased pan. * Bake until done. Extra-Chocolate brownies: * Make the brownies like the package says but add 1/2 a sack of chocolate chips and nuts if you want nuts. * Put the batter in a greased pan. * Bake until done. * Sprinkle the other 1/2 of the sack of chocolate chips on top of the brownies as soon as they come out of the oven. * Let the chocolate chips melt and carefully spread over the brownies like a frosting. --- ...Ooo, sounds extra yummy! I love Brownies! Thanks Carol! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) ___ .-" "-. .' . ; `. / : . ' : \ | ` .-. . ' | | : ( ) ; ` | | : `-' : | \ .` ; : / hjw `. . ' .' `-.___.-' >Creation 2 In the beginning, God created the Heaven & the Earth & populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so that man would live long & healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben & Jerry's ice cream & Krispy Cream donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And man said, "Yes!" And woman said, "And as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds, and Satan smiled. And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour & sugar & combined them. And woman went from a size 6 to a size 14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-island dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And man & woman had to get bigger belts. God then said, "I've sent you heart heart healthy vegetables & olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish & chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man gained weight & his cholesterol went through the roof. God created a light fluffy white cake and named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "it is good." Satan then created chocolate cake & named it "Devils Food." God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave them cable TV with a remote control so that man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man & woman laughed before the flickering blue light and gained pounds. God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fried them. And man gained pounds. God then gave them lean beef so man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99 cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "you want fries with that?" And man said, "yes, and super size them!" And Satan said, "it is good." And man went into cardiac arrest.... God sighed & created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created the Obama healthcare system. Amen. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! =================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ___ /,,,\ __|___|____ /__% o\/-%__ \ |/ %% ( %% \| %,\_/,% __} {__ I Can Make (::< >::) Your Deams ) : ( Come True (\`-'`-'\\ "CowBoy" \||||||\/| | ||(- YAAAHOOOO | \`| Winkie | |`' Woo Woo! :::::: www www _| | \ \_ (___/][]\__)TS >THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. Onced and Twiced are words. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy! Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom? People actually grow, eat and like okra. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?' You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain insect, or animal. You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or Mr.(first name) You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. You know what a hissy fit is.. Fried catfish is the other white meat. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!! You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH. --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) >How To Tell The Weather .-. ( ( __ __ '-` ___/ _\.-./_ \ ////|//(@ @) \| //////// \./ | (_) |( _ ) ldb____|______|.m_m_______________________________________ Go to your back door and look for the dog. • If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. • If the dog is laying there really soaking wet, it's probably raining really hard. • If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. • If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Sincerely, . . :"-. .-"; |:`.`.__..__.'.';| || :-" "-; || :; :; / .==. .==. \ : _.--._ ; ; .--.' `--' `.--. : : __;` ':__ ; ; ' '-._:;_.-' ' : '. `--' .' ."-._ _.-". .' ""------"" `. /`- -'\ /`- -'\ :`- .' `. -'; ; / \ : : : ; ; ; ; : : ':_:.' '.;_;' :_ _; ; "-._ -" :`-. _.._ :_ () _; "--::__. `. \"- -"/`._ : .-"-. -"-. ""--..____.' / .__ __. \ : / , / "" \ . \ ; bug "-:___..--" "--..___;-" The Cat! --- ...LOL! Thanks Bunni! ====================================================== >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) .-"""""""-. .'""."".""`. / \ * / \ / ^ \ /^ \ { ((@)\*/((@) }.{ ~Q '\ / Q ~}} ( `.~~ .V. ~~.'}.`._.' V`._.' ) ( ( `-') `-' } ~~ ~~ ) ( ( ) ^ ^ 0 " " " ( ( ) ( ) ^^ 00 " ( .) ( ( ) ^ 00 " ( ( ) ) { ) ^^ .0'0 " " ( } { } ^ )) 0 ( } `--www--' "--mmm------ " mb >Interesting Info: If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth. To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'. Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult! Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined. Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds. The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband. Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros . It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times! Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years . Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end. If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off. Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco- related diseases. Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers. The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450?F The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear. --- ...Whooo Whould Have known? Thanks KarenF! I don't know if all those are true but this one is... /`\ ___ /`\ \d `"\:/"` b/ /`.--. ` .--.`\ |/ __ \ / __ \| ( ((o) V (o)) ) |\`""`/^\`""`/| \ `--'\ /'--` / /`-._ ` _.-`\ / /.:.:.:.:.:.\ \ ; |.:.:.:.:.:.:.| ; | |:.:.:.:.:.:.:| | | |.:.:.:.:.:.:.| | | |:.:.:.:.:.:.:| | \/\.:.:.:.:.:.:./\/ _`).-.-:-.-.(`_ ,=^` |= =| |= =| `^=, /jgs \=/\=/ \=/\=/ \ Did You Know? YOUR Tax money bails out California homeowners, as banks fail to pay their share http://tinyurl.com/9kwrf4u Nice to know we're saving homes in California - Argh! -<>- .-. | | |=| |=| | | | | | | | | | | | | |=| jgs |=| |_| .=/I\=. ////V\\\\ |#######| ||||||||| ||||||||| ||||||||| >Snow White... The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each Morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine. One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived. "Hello, Hello!" she shouted. "Can anyone hear me? Hello!" For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, "Hello! Is anyone down There?" Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice From deep within the mine. "Vote for Obama, Vote for Obama." Snow White fell to her knees and Prayed, "Oh, thank you God! At least Dopey is still alive" --- ...LMAO - still love this one! Thanks KarneF! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend JoeL :) Obama Citizenship http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA6_k3NtXZs&feature=related Who Created the KKK ??? - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3EeuCN6ZnI&feature=related 2016 Filmmaker’s Take On A Second Term For Obama http://tinyurl.com/bwbqdok --- ...Very Interesting! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) What If 'A Majority of Americans Support Slavery'? http://tinyurl.com/bl79v6k --- ...Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From ConservativeByte: Obama Lies Again! http://tinyurl.com/bmhq4ru -<>- >From CowboyByte: Paul Ryan to Seniors: "Medicare Should Not Be a Piggybank for Obamacare" http://tinyurl.com/cuerzqa -<>- >From BizarreNews: Apparently there are a lot of young people out there with a lot of time on their hands and absolutely no direction whatsoever. I base this on a story I just read about a phenomenon called "Sharpie Parties" which is burgeoning in California. Sharpie Parties are what happens when you combine the five- year-old foreclosure crisis with the power of social media and the propensity of youngsters toward criminality. Typically the "host" of a Sharpie Party posts an invitation on Facebook to show up at a particular foreclosed property. The party-goers are handed Sharpie pens on arrival by their hosts and urged to graffiti the walls - a destructive binge, frequently fueled by alcohol, often prompts other acts of vandalism, including smashing holes in walls and doors, flooding bathrooms and ripping up floors. At the most recently hosted "party" at least 100 people turned up and hundreds of smartphone text messages describing the party were also sent. You can probably already see the flaw in this genius plan. Anna Hazel, an investigator in the Merced district attorney's office in central California, said, "We obtained search warrants for Facebook accounts. It was very useful to us to get access to the social networks. They posted pictures of the party. They were brazen about it." Three men, aged 21, 24 and 30, were arrested on suspicion of felony vandalism, burglary and conspiracy. One of them was the son of the evicted former owner. In my opinion these kinds of problems could be solved with extensive labor programs for young people. Imagine how much work could get done if tens of thousands of young morons were paid $4 an hour or so to sort recyclables at garbage dumps or pick up trash along highways or any of dozens of other projects that don't require a lot of brains. I'll tell you this much; a lot fewer houses would get vandalized. *-- Police: Man wanted gunpowder for stove --* YOSHKAR-OLA, Russia - Russian authorities said a man caught trying to take gunpowder from a military test site told police he wanted to use it to fuel his stove. The Interior Ministry said Tuesday the man was caught trying to take a package of 98 explosive tubes from a military test site in the Mari El Republic, RIA Novosti reported Tuesday. The man told police he wanted to use the gunpowder as "firewood" for his stove, the ministry said. The suspect has been charged with illegal storage of explosives and could face up to three years in prison if convicted. *-- Auto workers stay cool with kilts --* TULSA, Okla. - An Oklahoma auto shop owner said he has embraced the shop's Irish theme -- and beat the summer heat -- by wearing a kilt to work. David O'Brien, proprietor of O'Brien Auto Performance in Tulsa, said his shop plays Irish jig music during the work day and has a shamrock in its logo, so switching his summer garb from pants to a kilt four years ago seemed like a logical way to cool off in the summer heat, KOTV, Tulsa, Okla., reported Thursday. "This is physically cooler than shorts," O'Brien said. He said the mode of dress comes with its own challenges. "Keep your knees down and your feet crossed, then everybody's happy and safe," he said. O'Brien said worker David Denney followed his lead and also dons a kilt at work from May to October. *-- Man selling 'Michael Jackson' bird poop --* CHICAGO - A Chicago-area man put the windshield of his car up for auction because it has a bird dropping he says looks like the late pop star Michael Jackson. "One of two things will happen," said owner Brandon Tudor, an Oswego salesman and father of three. "It will go for an astro- nomical amount or I'll get nothing." Tudor, 29, said he was driving along U.S. Highway 30 near Big Rock Wednesday when bird poop hit the windshield of his 1996 Cadillac Seville, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. He said he immediately saw a resemblance to the pop icon and it became more obvious "after it hardened." "Everybody loves it," Tudor said. "There's not one person who's seen it that doesn't agree it looks like Michael Jackson." The minimum starting bid for the windshield is set at $500 on eBay. Until the auction closes, Tudor is keeping the bird poop image covered in plastic to protect it from washing away and parking his car in a garage. *-- Fla. teen say he couldn't help but pinch --* NORTH LAUDERDALE, Fla. - A Florida teenager told police he couldn't help himself when he allegedly groped a woman while shopping at Walmart. Aaron Morris, 18, North Lauderdale, allegedly told officers following his arrest Thursday he could not help reaching out and touching the woman's bottom as she shopped. "Her booty looked so good, I just couldn't resist touching it," Morris said in a report filed by Broward County sheriff's deputies. Morris was picked up a short time later at a gas station when the woman pointed him out to deputies. He was jailed on a battery charge, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported. --- ...Being a big Michael Jackson fan, I got the scoop on the poop... Too sad... Michael Jackson Bird Droppings Washed From Brandon Tudor's Windshield Before He Can Sell It http://tinyurl.com/9hytet6 Better luck next time Brandon. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: The boyfriend said, "We're going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I've got three tickets for the show." "Why do we need three?" asked the girl. "They're for your father, mother and kid sister," he replied. -<>- A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge." -<>- __)), //_ _) ( "\" \_-/ ,---/ '---. / - - \ / \_. _|__,/ \ / )\ )\_ \ / _/ ( ' ) / / / | (_____) | / /,' / \/ /, _/(_ ( ._, )-' `--,/ |____|__| | ) | | / | | / \ | / `| | _) | | | | | / \ | | | \ | | \ | \_ gnv /__( '-._`, **Things you'll never hear a man say: 1) Here honey, you use the remote. 2) Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see! 3) While I'm up, can I get you anything? 4) Aww, forget Monday Night football, let's watch Ally McBeal. 5) Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on. 6) We never talk anymore. -<>- .-. (/^\) (\ /) .-'-. /(_I_)\ \\) (// / \ \ | / \|/ /|\ \|/ jgs /Y\ >**Things you'll never hear a woman say: 1) What do you mean today's our anniversary? 2) Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV. 3) Ohh, this diamond is way too big! Don't you have something smaller? 4) Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there. 5) I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way too much for a designer dress. -<>- A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to start drinking. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe." -<>- As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?" -<>- A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," he said. The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" the customer asked. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!" -<>- o o o o o *TOT* /|\ /.\ <.\ <.| <.| _'o __/ \_____/ \_____/|______/|______//______-'/_'____'>-'-o___ >Top 19 Rejected International Sports Team Names 19. Brussels Sprouts 18. Cannes Openers 17. Amsterdam Yankees 16. Vienna Sausages 15. Belgium Waffles 14. Manila Folders 13. Czech Bouncers 12. New Dehli Catessans 11. Buenos Airheads 10. Guadalajara Krishnas 9. Iraqi Raccoons 8. Bolivia DeHavillands 7. Seoul Brothers 6. Taipei Personalities 5. Syria Killers 4. Hungary Jacks 3. Dublin Mint Twins 2. Prague Tologists 1. Peking Toms -<>- A man was walking in the country when he saw a pig with a wooden leg sitting outside a barn. As he was wondering what happened to the pig, the pig's owner came along. The man asked the farmer how the pig came to have a wooden leg. The farmer said, "Let me tell you, that is some pig! Our house caught fire last April and he dragged my kids to safety!" "Is that how he lost his leg?" the man asked. "No," replied the farmer. "But a month ago, I almost drowned and that pig swam through icy water to pull me to shore!" "So that's how he lost his leg," the man asked. "Oh, no. Just a week ago, my wife's car slid off the road onto the train tracks. That pig broke through the window and helped her out just as a freight train came through!" the farmer said. "So THAT'S how he lost his leg!" the man said. "No, sir," replied the farmer. "Then HOW did he lose it?" the man begged. "Well, sir," the farmer replied, "when you got a pig that terrific, you don't want to eat it all at once!" -<>- After being on the phone forever with a customer who had been having difficulties with a computer program, a support technician at my mother's company turned in his report: "The problem resides between the keyboard and the chair." -<>- /` |>18>> / | <-->From TheMouth: ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | >SHE WAS SO BLONDE... ... she tripped over a cordless phone. ... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate" ... she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. ... she got stabbed in a shoot-out. ... she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK". ... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. ... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ... she tried to drown a fish. ... she thought a quarterback was a refund. ... she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. ... if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back. ... they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3d grade. ... under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics". ... she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. ... at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she put "Sagittarius". ... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. ... it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. ... if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless. ... she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train ... she sold the car for gas money. ... when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. ... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. ... when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home. -<>- >You might be a college student if... 1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student. 2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match. 3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal. 4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents. 5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles. 6. If you have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping. 7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II). 8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads. 9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car. 10. If you can pack your worldly possessions into the back of a pick-up (one trip). 11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light. 12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself. 13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night. 14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't 15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week 16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's "free", even though it tastes terrible. 17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy 18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class 19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them 20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class 21. If your social life consists of a date with the library 22. If your idea of "doing your hair" is putting on a baseball cap 23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room 24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that's all you have 25. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class 26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn 27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter 28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over 29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half naked men or women (whichever your preference) 30. If you have built up a tolerance for beverages 31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself 32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis 33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room 34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles 35. If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo 36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes ====================================================== >-->From TheJokester: ____ /(( )) ( )6 6( ) (_) l (_) \ <> ) ____) (_____ ( \____/ ) ) ( )( ) ( / / \ / \ \ / / \ / \ \ \ \ )==( / / \ \ / \ / / '\\/ \//' '|\` '|\` \ / \ / ) ( jgs/akg / \ >More Words A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. It read, "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000." Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results. The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband, "It's because we have to repeat everything we say." The husband said, "What?" -<>- >The Rescue A man in Paris saw a pit bull attacking a toddler. He killed the pit bull and saved the child's life. Reporters swarmed the fellow to cover the story. "Tell us! What's your name? All Paris will love you! Tomorrow's headlines will be: "Paris Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!"' The man said, "But I'm not from Paris." Reporters said "That's OK. Then the whole of France will love you, and tomorrow's headline will read: "French Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog! "' The man said. "I'm not from France, either." Reporters: "That's OK also. All Europe will love you. Tomorrow's headlines will shout: "Europe's Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!"' The man said, "I'm not from Europe, either." Reporters: "So, where are you from?" The man said, "I'm from Israel." Reporters: "OK. Then tomorrow's headlines will proclaim to the world: "Vicious Jew Kills Family Pet!"' -<>- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." -<>- |\ \`-. _.._| \ |_,' __`. \ (.\ _/.| _ | ,' __ \ | ,' __/||\ | (Y8P ,/|||||/ | `-'_---- / /`-._.-'/ `-.__.-' jg >Another twist - Dallas Cowboy Hero Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy! "Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replied. "Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again. "I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy said. "Then what are you?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Cowboys fan." The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet." -<>- ________________________ | | | | | __----__ __----__ | |/ * \ / * \| | | | | --|\ / \ /|-- / | --____-- --____-- | \ | (-| |-) | \ |. .| / --/ \-- / \ `--______________________--' \_|__|__|__|__|__|_|_/ `---__ __---' ) ( unknown >Groaners... Lately my friend has been daydreaming about having another baby. She has all these infantasies. My roof leaks due to a lack of good ceiling. Money does not talk. It just goes without saying. The school coach worked with his star pitcher on the learning curve. A thief who stole cutlery without leaving a clue was called the "stainless stealer." Did you hear about the wife who had plastic surgery? Her husband cut up her credit cards. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. The building contractor needed the money from a castle remodeling job to buy his new television set. It would be impossible for him to watch TV without a re-moat. I heard of a Pastor who had a special drawer where he filed his bills. It was labeled "Due unto others." She couldn't help throwing up at funerals. She was suffering from Mourning Sickness! Is it really San Andreas' fault that California has so many earthquakes? A scientist, trying to prove his theorem, was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals when he fell into the vat and became part of the solution. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and how about one for the road." Victoria's Secret is launching a new line of a wide variety of Freudian slips. Auto body-shop sign: "We come highly wreck-a-mended" Note from the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." Did you hear about the two blood corpuscles named Romeo and Juliet? They loved in vein. "Oh, look!" I said. "A crocodile." "No," my friend corrected me. "It's walking between those two buildings--it's obviously an alleygator." I refuse to visit Marx's tomb because it's all just a communist plot. Stable relationships are for horses There was an English teacher who kept her class spell bound. Some daze I just can't seem to focus. Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself. Old politicians never die, they just get devoted. You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking The roundest knight at king Arthur's table was Sir Cumference A boy who looked like his father the sculptor was a chip off the old block The jockey thought he was so clever feeding marijuana to his steed to enhance it's performance. Well, now he's busted, and it's time for him to get off his high horse. Grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers. "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner." Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer." Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! The man who worked in the gum factory fell in a vat of bubblegum. His boss had to chew him out. =========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) At The Car Wash http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html Attitude Is Everything 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude3.htm Fawn Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fawnrescue.html Proud Of Our Troops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops.html Egg Face Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggface.html Sand Sculpture Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart3.html Animal Friends 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Amazing Bus Stops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bus.html AutoMotorPlex http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html Cat Motivational Posters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catposters.html Odin The White Tiger http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html Polar Bear Cubs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polarbears.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) He sent us one we have here... Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html --- ...A heartwarming reminder! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) Convert English text to any of several comic dialects. The Dialectizer takes text or other web pages and instantly creates parodies of them! Try it out by selecting a dialect, then entering a URL or English text. The Dialectizer http://rinkworks.com/dialect/ --- ...HaHa! Pretty strange! Thanks KarenF! -<>- >From Our Friend JoeL :) Obama That I Used To Know - Gotye Parody - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJnAp3YxCCw --- ...sad, but true! Thanks JoeL! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: A New Hampshire couple has walked the 5,000 mile length of the U.S. in 18 months. They expect their return trip to take another year and a half. They're booked on United. --Alan Ray "An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show her ankles to to get that job?" -Tina Fey "Unless you can see somebody's eyebrows it's very difficult to communicate. That's why dogs are more popular than cats - because they have eyebrows." --Rocker Daviid Lee Roth on why his tour includes "intimate venues". "For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3." --Alice Kahn "The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction." --Wayne H. "I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job, and I don't want it." -Bill Cosby "If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!" --Homer Simpson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************