Lost In Germany, New Math And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ .-=":-=") |_.'|_.' /" /" : / / / .' .' : .-'-.---. / .--"""""--.. : .((((__ .\ ___.:-//\\\\\\-._ -. __..--'"` [.]-[.] \\_. ` `""--..__ ..---\ ___(/_ | /___ /---.. """",-/_...---'"`` \,_ /.- ``"'---..__\-,"""" " /"""'"'""""/ " \`'-.__.-' \___ aa/wkm "._________".' ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. Whether it is $5 or $100 - EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) These first two smoking hot new pages are from our friends LouiseAu and Cloie. More and more we are noticing that the left is wanting to change our Constitution to fit their own extreme points of view. These pages remind us that they are not in step with most of us law abiding, God loving Americans. If they had their way, they'd completely control every aspect of our lives and make us pay dearly with not only our paychecks but our God-given rights, liberty and pursuit of happiness! Be sure to check out these pages: (\ \'\ \'\ __________ / '| ()_________) \ '/ \ ~~~~~~~~ \ \ \ ~~~~~~ \ ==). \__________\ (__) ()__________) unknown We The People http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wethepeople.html We The People 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wethepeople2.html --- ...Ironically funny as much as it is irritating! Thanks Ladies! -<>- .-'''''-. |'-----'| /`-.....-`\ | <_} | | .-\-. | _,._ | /# ` \ | __.-` `"""-. | \ / | ..--' `"-. `)_,._ \ '-'-' / (` )--.-"``` `"-.`'-----'` '-----------' ( ) jgs `-------------` Our Friend Norma sent us a new recipe. You can find it here Under: MEALS - Chow-Mein CHICKEN By Norma http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html --- ...Sounds very easy and Yummy! Thank you Norma! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: $$ $ \O/$ $ | /_\ _|___|_ _|___|___|_ _|___|___|___|_ _|___|___|___|___|_ _|___|___|___|___|___|_ _|___|___|___|___|___|___|_ |___|___|___|___|___|___|___| \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ | | | | | | | / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ hjm A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Oh, Thank goodness," returned the taxpayer. "I thought you were going to want cash." -<>- It turned out that the newly married wife was not a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it." -<>- Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 25 is Feast of the Annunciation, Pecan Day and Waffle Day March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and National Spinach Day March 27 is National "Joe" Day March 28 is Something on a Stick Day and Weed Appreciation Day March 29 is National Mom and Pop Business Owners Day and Smoke and Mirrors Day March 30 is I am in Control Day, National Doctor's Day, Take a Walk in the Park Day and Turkey Neck Soup Day March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day, National Clam on the Half Shell Day and World Backup Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ >Losing Weight My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar. "What are the attributes of this apple," she asked, "and how do they relate to our diet?" "Low in calories" and "lots of fiber" were among the answers. She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded, "Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid $1.25 for this candy bar?" We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat. From the back of the room a small voice spoke up, "I'll give you $2.50 for it." -<>- ____________________________________________ | .__. | | .| |. _| _. _ _ _ _ | | \ / |_| | | |_| |_| .-| `-. | |_| _|_ | | \/ | ' ~ ~ + | | | |____________________________________________| >Lost in Germany Two Englishmen were lost in Cologne, Germany. They had parked their rental car on Einbahnstrasse, but when they went to look for it, it seemed as if every street had the same name. The men eventually stopped a police officer and asked for help. That's when they got a lesson in the German language. "Einbahnstrasse," the officer told them, "means one-way-street." -<>- >Injuries I broke a leg, arm and four teeth in a motorcycle accident. On the second day of my hospital stay, a middle-aged man became my roommate. I overheard a nurse say the man had a compound fracture of his tibia and a fractured clavicle. The next day, my roommate asked me how I got injured. "That's terrible," he said when I told him about my crash. "I used to ride when I was younger, but not anymore. It's just too dangerous." "How did you get injured?" I asked him. "Skydiving," he replied. -<>- >Lesson of the Prodigal Son While putting my 4-year-old daughter to bed one evening, I read her the story of the Prodigal Son. We discussed how the young son had taken his inheritance and left home, living it up until he had nothing left. Finally, when he couldn't even eat as well as pigs, he went home to his father, who welcomed him. When we finished the story, I asked my daughter what she had learned. After thinking a moment, she quipped, "Never leave home without your credit card!" -<>- _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # >School Math vs. Household (Reality) Math We all learned School Math, and we know that the results never change. For instance, 2 + 2 will always equal 4, and 10 X 10 will always equal 100. While School Math is very useful, it doesn't always apply to real life situations because the world actually runs according to what you might call Household, or Reality, Math. Below are a few examples of story problems, with the answer according to School Math (what you would write to pass a test in school) and Household, or Reality, Math (what you need to know in order to function in the real world, and usually find out the hard way). COOKING: You volunteered to bring 6 dozen cookies to the school carnival. If the cookie recipe states "makes 5 dozen medium size cookies", will you have enough cookies if you double the batch? SCHOOL MATH: Yes - doubling the batch will make 10 dozen cookies, you'll have plenty to take and some to eat at home. HOUSEHOLD MATH: No. A cookie recipe that states "makes 5 dozen medium size cookies" actually makes 2 dozen very small cookies. You will need to triple the batch. Better yet, just pick up 5 dozen chocolate chip cookies from a bakery or your local warehouse store. No one will care whether you baked them, and chocolate chip cookies are always appreciated. LAUNDRY: You have 4 people in your family, who each wear one pair of socks per day. When you do the weekly laundry, how many socks are you washing? SCHOOL MATH: 2 socks per person X 4 people X 7 days = 56 socks in the hamper. HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: 2 socks per person X 4 people X 7 days = 160 socks in the hamper. If you ask the family, no one changed socks more than once per day; in fact, it takes vigilance to make sure your eight-year old son doesn't try to wear the same pair every day. What?s puzzling about laundry is that the answer can change several times, depending on the stage in the laundry process. For instance: Removed from the washer: HOUSEHOLD MATH: 159 socks come out of the washer. Removed from the dryer: HOUSEHOLD MATH: 157 socks, which you fold and put in each person?s sock drawer. In any given family member?s sock drawer on Monday morning: HOUSEHOLD MATH: 3 socks, none of which match, one with a hole. NATURAL LAWS: It?s also interesting that what we consider to be natural "laws" can be very different in the world of Household (Reality) Math. For instance: QUANTITY: You clear the breakfast table and place the dishes in the sink. You ate a container of yogurt and an apple, your husband had only a mug of coffee and toast; your two children each had a glass of milk, one had a bowl of cold cereal and the other requested chicken nuggets with ketchup. You decide that since there are so few dishes, you'll do them by hand when you get home. Everyone leaves the house for work or school. How many dishes will be in the sink when you get home? SCHOOL MATH: 2 spoons, 1 butter knife, 2 milk glasses, 1 cereal bowl, 1 Tinkerbell plate and 1 coffee mug = 8 dishes to wash up, no problem. HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: 7 spoons, 3 butter knives, 2 milk glasses, 3 bowls, 1 Tinkerbell plate, 5 water glasses, 1 coffee mug, 11 forks, 4 saucers, 1 of your "best" china dinner plates that no one admits to using, 1 sippy cup and 2 plastic dinosaurs = 39 dishes to wash up and 2 dinosaurs to remove and ask a child to put away; Or, better yet, 39 dishes to put in the dishwasher and give up the idea of doing them by hand. VOLUME: Your 12 lb. puppy uses piddle pads that state they absorb up to 16 oz. of liquid. According to the Vet Answerman website, a normal dog drinks 1 oz. of water per pound per 24 hour day. You?re leaving for work and will return in 9 hours; will one piddle pad be enough? SCHOOL MATH: Yes, one will be enough. Even if the dog piddled out every ounce of water she drank, she could not create more than 12 oz. of piddle in a 24 hour day. You can expect her to produce around 4-6 oz. of piddle while you?re at work, and the pad absorbs twice that. HOUSEHOLD MATH: You will need at least 4 piddle pads, placed in several strategic locations. Though the puppy drinks 12 oz. of water, she will seem to produce several gallons of piddle. Some of it will hopefully be on the piddle pads, but she will also piddle on the carpet, the new rug in the family room, the mail including the latest issue of your favorite magazine and a letter from the IRS stamped URGENT, and in the center of your bed. FORCE: Your husband proudly informs you that he can press 100 lbs. at the gym. Will he be able to remove his 30 lb. 3-year old from the neighbor?s newly poured cement driveway? SCHOOL MATH: Yes, if he can lift 100 lbs., he should be able to lift 30 lbs. quite easily. HOUSEHOLD MATH: Well, yes, eventually, after the child has run up and down the driveway, sat down in the wet cement, covered his father?s pants and shirt with it and screamed till the neighbor comes out to see what?s going on. As any parent knows, a 30 lb. child who has gone limp with resistance weighs a lot more than any 100 lb. barbell. PROBABILITY: A 1" x 1" Lego is lying in the center of a 10' x 10' room. What are the chances of you stepping on the Lego in your bare feet in the dark? SCHOOL MATH: 1:14,400 chance = .006944% probability of stepping on the Lego. HOUSEHOLD MATH: 99.9% probability, which is about the same chance you have of tripping over the cat who is able to see you stepping on the Lego in the dark and so can calculate the best strategic moment to dash in front of you in order to cause maximum chaos, the most entertaining language and the greatest damage to surrounding furniture, before retiring to the laundry room to calmly lick the underside of its hind leg. TIME: Suppose you are the mother of 9 month old twins. You are dressed nicely and ready to go to a special event. It takes you 10 minutes to diaper and dress one baby. You are due to be there in 40 minutes and your destination is only 10 minutes away. Will you be on time? SCHOOL MATH: Yes. (10 min X 2 babies) + 10 min drive = 30 minutes, you may even be a few minutes early. HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: Not a chance. (10 min X Baby 1) + (10 min X Baby 2) + (20 min to find another clean outfit and re-change Baby 1) + (10 min to change your own clothes again) + (15 min to calm screaming meltdown and stuff resisting Baby 2 into carseat2) + (10 min to stuff wriggling Baby 1 who is determined to grab Baby 2?s pacifier into carseat 1) + (20 min to pack all the baby paraphernalia into the back of the car) + ( . . . You'll be late. Or, consider whether the trip is really worth it. If not, change into sweats, give each baby a cracker and start a batch of laundry. So, do study your school math ­ you'll need it in the workplace, and you can also use it to add up groceries, subtract medical co-pays from your checkbook, count each child?s M&M?s so they won't fight over the extra one, etc. etc. But keep in mind that the real world doesn't always follow the rules of math or science we learned in school. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _ , (_\______/________ \-|-|/|-|-|-|-|/ \==/-|-|-|-|-/ \/|-|-|-|,-' \--|-''' \_j________ (_) (_) hjw >SMILES A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. "Are you hiring any help?" she asked. "No," he said. "We already have all the staff we need." "Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?" she asked. ----------- "Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!" From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. He said son, get up and clean up your bedroom. ---------- At her next checkup, the new doctor told 80 year old lady to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?" "Yes, they help me sleep at night." "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks...And believe me, it helps me sleep at night. ---------- A husband and wife were having a petty argument and both were unwilling to admit they might be in the wrong. In an attempt to reconcile, the wife said, "I'll admit I'm wrong, if you'll admit I'm right." The husband agreed and, being a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," the wife said. "You're right!" the husband replied, with a twinkle in his eye. ------------ During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "You see, it IS vanishing cream!" ---------- A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am." The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked. "No, I didn't!" said the drunk. The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?" "No, I did not!" said the drunk again. Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?!!!??" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" ---------- .-"""-. _.---..-; :.) ;"" \/ __..--'\ ;-"""-. ;._ `-.___.^.___.'-.____J__/-._J bug One day three teenage girls were driving along when they had a terrible accident. They were all sent to heaven. At the gates, they met St. Peter. He said to them, "Welcome to Heaven. There is only one rule here, don't step on the ducks, don't bother them, just leave them alone. If you do bother them in any way you will be handcuffed to the ugliest person in Heaven for all eternity." The first teen thought that this was rather funny and in all her laughter stepped back almost falling over. "QUACK!" She had stepped on a duck and so she was handcuffed to the ugliest person in heaven. The other two teens walked around Heaven constantly torturing their unlucky friend. As fate would have it the second teen stepped on a duck also. She was handcuffed to the second ugliest person in Heaven. The two girls sat moping at the fact that they were chained to these people for eternity. The next day they saw the third teen, she was handcuffed to the most gorgeous guy they had ever seen. She looked at them, realizing their questioning eyes, and said, "He stepped on a duck." ---------- A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news.... A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet". So the redhead said "No, really,, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money". The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again! ------- _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; It's been a long, long day, and John the truck driver really wanted to just get home. Living in Washington DC, he knew traffic would be bad this time of evening, but to his horror, a traffic jam reared ahead of him larger than anything he could have anticipated. Bewildered, since he hadn't heard anything yet on the news, he stuck his head out and just kept seeing cars slowing down and then driving off. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress!" "Oh my gosh!" exclaimed John. "And they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom." "Jeez Louise!" moaned John. "Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire!" "Lord have mercy!" cried John. "We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" asked John. "About a gallon." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: _________________________ (, ______________________ ) | | || | | @@@@ || @@@@ | | @@@@@@@ || @@@@@@@ | | @@ - - || - @@@@ | | @ c/ || '_ @@@ | | _@| |_ || __\@ \@ | | ( \ )/_\ /_ || _\\ (/ ) @\_/) | | \ \|) / \) || |(__/ / /| | | |\_/ ( -/ || \___/ ----/_| | | / \ || ,: '( | | : _/| || |: \ | | : | || |: ) | | : | || |: | | |_______'____,_|_______|| |_____,_| .---('________________________)--. | / ( |____ __________ _| | /\ ) |___| -o- | |__| -o- | ( \| / |___| -o- | |__| -o- | | /'=. b'ger|________| |__|______| '=>/ \ / \ /|/ ,___/| >Stop comparing yourself to others... If you continue to compare yourself and your life to those around you, you will continue to spend, spend, spend to try and keep up. If you're looking at life through a comparison lens, you will always be someone with more than you. More clothes. More jewelry. More cars. A bigger house. More land. More money. More vacations. The sooner you acknowledge and accept that, the easier it will be to stop spending money to try and keep up with the Joneses. This will help you get and stay out of debt as well live a more frugal, simple life. Focus on your goals to save and don't sweat what everyone else appears to have. -<>- >View Coupons as Money When you realize a $10 coupon for something you need is the same as someone giving you $10 in cash towards your purchase, you'll start to see the value of coupons and savings in a whole new way. -<>- >Grow Some Herbs Herbs can easily be grown indoors on a small windowsill or outside in pots or gardens. They will help you save on buying expensive grocery store jars of seasonings, will taste fresher, and can be easily dried and stored. -<>- An interesting grocery survey recently debunked a popular thrifty myth: That Trader Joe's is not the least expensive place to buy groceries. In fact, in an analysis of five nationwide grocery chains, it was the last on the list for average monthly savings. So, instead of choosing the grocery store that's closest to you, or the one everyone says is most affordable, take a look at all your options. For example, Aldi was found to be the most cost effective, with an average of 34 percent in monthly savings. Walmart came in second with 14 percent monthly savings, and Kroger with 5 percent. Say goodbye to that small parking lot and hello to effortless thrifty groceries. -<>- When your blow dryer suddenly stops working, clean the lint out of the vents on all sides with an old dry toothbrush. Lint that doesn't come out can be picked out with tweezers. Vacuum the vents with the hose part of your vacuum cleaner. Your blow dryer should start right back up and will last for several more months. Care and cleaning of the vents will make your blow dryer last a lot longer and you won't have to replace it as often saving you money and a trip to the store! -<>- >Use Newspaper Under Mulch Mulching is a pain, so if you're going to put all that work into making your beds look nice, why not make it LAST longer? Putting several layers of newspaper down BEFORE laying a layer of mulch helps to keep the weeds out for at least one whole season! The newspaper is porous, so water and nutrients can still pass through and reach the plants, but it blocks the light so that weeds can't germinate. As an added bonus, earthworms LOVE to eat newspaper, and will slowly 'compost' it to enrich your soil. -<>- >The Easiest Way to Clean a Lampshade Sometimes, cleaning jobs are all about having the right tools. And it turns out that the best tool for cleaning a lampshade is a fabric softener sheet! They pull away dust and prevent static cling, which means less dust in the future. The best part is, it doesn't even matter if the sheet has been through the dryer! We try to make a habit of quickly dusting shades before throwing away used sheets. -<>- >Wash only full loads of laundry Most people use the same amount of detergent no matter what size load they do and even if you cut it back, you are still using only a tad less than you would for a full load. Doing only full loads will also save you electricity and if you pay for water, you'll save quite a few gallons too in the long run by doing only full loads! -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: Use Cloth Napkins Not only are they more durable (one cloth napkin will make it through a lot more BBQ sauce than a paper one!) but ditching disposable napkins will also save plenty of money over the years. It'll also reduce your trash output, which means less energy is used transporting and processing your waste. Using recyclable paper napkins is good for the planet, but it's even better to not have anything to recycle in the first place. Plus, cloth napkins make dinner feel oh-so-fancy. >Cook with residual heat Turning off the oven five minutes before the meal is ready will allow the food to continue cooking while also saving some energy. It's even easier with pasta: Once the pot's been boiling for five minutes, cover the pot, switch off the stove, and let it sit for five more minutes. This will free up the stovetop and the pasta will be cooked perfectly al dente in less than 10 minutes. >Buy pre-loved everything Thrift shops, Goodwill stores, Craigslist, and eBay - there's simply no end to the places one can find secondhand stuff. Since reducing our consumerism might be the number one way to improve our eco footprint, and since secondhand stuff is cheap, there's every reason in the world to buy what's been used. I'll forgive you for buying new underwear, though! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Norma :) /9 6\ // | | \\ // | | \\ // | | \\ // __|__ | \\ // |__X__| __|__ \\ ___________//___________________________________|__X__|________\\____________ |_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|#####|_____|_____|_____|____ ___|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_ |_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|____ ___|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_ |_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|____ ___|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_ Dave Flanagan Just goes to show the self-serving BS coming from both sides of the aisle.... Hungary’s New Border Fence Called a ‘Spectacular Success’. Skeptics who believe a border wall will not stop illegals from entering the United States may want to look at what’s happening in Hungary. On the day its border fence was completed, the influx of illegals entering Hungary went down from 6,353 per day to 870 the next day. For the remainder of that month, illegal border crossings were steadily below 40 per day, officials said. “They don’t even try,” a local border guard told The Daily Caller News Foundation. “We haven’t had a Syrian in six months.” Prime Minister Viktor Orban’s pledge to stop illegals from flowing into the country appears to be a spectacular success. Kovacs added, “You might not like it, it’s not a nice thing, but… the only way to stop illegal border crossings is [to] first build a fence, man it, equip it, and also, in parallel, build up your capabilities in terms of legal confines, legal circumstances to be able to handle what is coming.” It’s no surprise the mainstream U.S. media refuses to report this story to the American public Can you imagine how support for a Southern border wall would spike? Read the full of this article here: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/3572385/posts --- ...Excellent read! It's rather simple isn't it? Thanks Norma! More... Hungary builds migrant border fence - BBC News https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbfvtT6rGz0 EXCLUSIVE: ‘It Was An Invasion’: How Hungary Managed To Erase Illegal Immigration In Just A Few Months http://tinyurl.com/y2rmxc6c WorldTrubune - they don't even try! http://tinyurl.com/y369a3zx ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Here’s What the Mueller Report Says: Attorney General William Barr on Sunday released the “principal conclusions” of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s completed Russia probe in a bombshell four-page letter to Capitol Hill lawmakers, which stated definitively that Mueller did not establish evidence that President Trump’s team or any associates of the Trump campaign had conspired with Russia to sway the 2016 election — “despite multiple offers from Russian-affiliated individuals to assist the Trump campaign.” https://1600daily.com/2019/03/24/heres-mueller-report-says/ Army Tank Visit - President Trump in Lima, Ohio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUwTNLEX7-Q AOC Responds Defensively to Fox & Friends Segment http://tinyurl.com/yyn9u3c3 WhiteHouse West Wing Reads “Democrats have been consumed for two years with a flimsy conspiracy theory aimed at delegitimizing a presidential election they lost,” the Washington Examiner editorial board writes. “But it's over now. An exhaustive federal investigation just put the nail in the coffin of the collusion delusion. If the Democrats and our major media are capable of shame, they will be chastened by this experience.” https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ POLICE INVESTIGATING HIT-AND-RUN INVOLVING VEHICLE BELONGING TO DC COUNCIL MEMBER http://tinyurl.com/y39un7ub A MAN TOLD HIS GIRLFRIEND TO RUN AS HE WAS MURDERED. IT LED TO AN INTERNATIONAL MANHUNT THAT PUT HER BEHIND BARS http://tinyurl.com/y5ld3ksn REPUBLICAN OPERATIVE RAISED MORE THAN $1 MILLION FOR GOP, BUT FEDS SAY HE SPENT MUCH OF IT ON HOOKERS http://tinyurl.com/yx9s6lgy 80-Year-Old Man Raises $250K For Bernie And Beto. Buys Mercedes Instead) https://dailycaller.com/2019/03/20/con-man-bernie-money-mercedes/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ BTW, the NSA is Still Spying on Us - Survival Update http://tinyurl.com/y675tkew Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Product Alert: Potato Chips, Sausage, Avocados http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Health Alert: Metal Contamination Found in Chicken http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text -<>- >From BizarreNews: With all of these gun restrictions and background checks, not every American can get his hands on a firearm whenever he wants to knock over a gas station. But you know what you can get your hands on whenever you want? A machete. That was the weapon of choice (or availability?) of 32-year- old Seth Holcomb who tried to rob a Conoco in Huntsville, Alabama. The only problem was, the clerk had a machete too. Newly-released surveillance video shows the bizarre machete fight. Police say Holcomb went inside the gas station and started to buy something, going back and forth to his car several times before pulling a large knife on the clerk and demanding cash. Surveillance video shows Holcomb then tried to leave the store, but the clerk auto-locked the door. The unidentified clerk then pulled a bigger knife, a machete, on Holcomb. The insane video shows several wild swipes being traded back and forth between the clerk and Holcomb, before Holcomb gets frustrated and tries to leave the store. With the door being auto-locked, he literally has to kick down the entire wall. Pretty impressive actually. The clerk followed Holcomb outside and ended up fighting with Holcomb's partner, 33-year-old Laney Nicholson, who had her own knife. Eventually both Holcomb and Nicholson get back inside their vehicle and drive off, but not before the the clerk gave their car several good whacks with his machete, smashing the windshield in the process. Huntsville Police stopped the couple a short time later and took them into custody. They both face attempted robbery charges. Incredibly, out of all that swinging, slashing and smashing, no serious injuries were reported. *--- That's One Stubborn Man ---* How do you know somebody really doesn't trust the cops? When he'd rather be burned alive than surrender to them. That's what almost happened to a man in Princeton, Illinois. The situation started when a man reportedly pointed a weapon at another person, according to the Princeton Police Department. According to a report the man had pointed a firearm at a woman, who was later removed from the home. The man then reportedly barricaded himself inside. Police said they continued negotiations with the suspect until the home started burning. "The subject continued to resist police efforts to order him out of the house despite the fact the house was engulfed in flames," read the police statement. Eventually the man was taken into custody. He was charged with aggravated unlawful use of a weapon. *--- Some People Really Hate Getting Stuck In The Snow ---* Hancock, Michigan police were called after midnight on reports of numerous gun shots. Arriving on the scene officers found a 37-year-old Hancock man standing outside his vehicle, which was stuck in a snowbank. Officer investigation revealed the man was intoxicated. Officers also found numerous bullet casings on the ground. After a search of the vehicle, officers found and confiscated a Glock 9mm pistol. It appeared the shots had been fired into the snowbank. The man was arrested and lodged in the Houghton County Jail. The snow was unharmed. *--- A Leashed Pet Is A Leashed Pet ---* Petco promises their customers that all leashed pets are welcome. So one Texas couple decided to test them. Vincent Browning and Shelly Lumpkin brought Oliver, a Ankole-Watusi steer, to Petco earlier this week where employees welcomed him "with open arms." "We decided to take a chance and call Petco's bluff on the 'ALL LEASHED PETS ARE WELCOME' policy," Browning said in a Facebook post. "The awesome crew at Petco - Atascocita did not disappoint!" Lumpkin said the couple was on its way back from an event with Oliver when they stopped at the Petco. She asked an employee they knew if she wanted to come see Oliver and the employee insisted they bring the animal inside. "People couldn't believe it," Lumpkin said. "The whole staff there was really nice about it and excited." The Petco store, located about 25 miles north of Houston, responded to Browning's challenge on Facebook saying, "We mean it when we say ALL leashed pets are welcome in our stores." Oliver, who has his own Facebook page with more than 37,000 followers, weighs a little more than 1,600 pounds according to Lumpkin. She said his horns are 114 inches from tip to tip when measured along the curve. *--- The 'Magic' Beer Fridge ---* A pair of men doing cleanup work in Nebraska floodwaters discovered a "magic fridge" in an empty field that was filled with ice-cold beer. Kyle Simpson and Gayland Stouffer said they were heading back toward the highway after a day of cleanup work on Simpson's land, near Schuyler, when they spotted a black box that had apparently been dropped into the empty field by the flooded Platte River, which had since receded from the field. The box turned out to be a refrigerator filled with Busch Light and Bud Light beers. The men shared photos of the "magic fridge" with friends, who posted the pictured to social media. Simpson and Stouffer said the photos went viral and were eventually seen by the owner of the fridge. "I couldn't hardly believe they found it all intact," Healy told the Omaha World-Herald. "The pictures really made me laugh." Simpson said he plans to reunite Healy with his property. "I told the guy as soon as my roads are repaired that I would return it to them," he told local news. "Minus a couple of a beers." ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: __ .' '. : : | _ _ | .-.|(o)(o)|.-. _._ _._ ( ( | .--. | ) ) .',_ '. .' _,'. '-/ ( ) \-' / /' `\ \ __ / /' `\ \ / '--' \ /.' \.' './ '.\ \ `"===="` / ` : _ _ : ` `\ /' |(o)(o)| `\ /' | | /`-.-`\_ / \ _.-"`\._/V\_./`"-._ / .--. \ .'/ \ /^\ / \'. | ( ) | / / \| |/ \ \ _\ '--' /__ jgs / / \_/ \ \ .' '-.__.-' `-. >The Smartest Dog A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five." -<>- >Keep It Down Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body? Patient: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room! -<>- >Use Your Imagination A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up. She replied, "You mean like imagine that it's good?" -<>- >Doc, I Can Take It The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete he said, "Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English, you're just lazy," the doctor replied. "Okay," the man said. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What is the noisiest game? A: Tennis, you can't play it without raising a racket. Q: What holds the sun up in the sky? A: Sunbeams. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? A: She was run over by the Zamboni machine. _ _ ( \ / ) __\ Y /,') (__ .' | ( [___] |oo | ,' \ | <___/ | | | | | | | | | _,-/_._ \,_ _.-"^` // \ `^"-.,__ \ ,// \ / `\,-":: ; \-.,_/' || | ; || ; | :\ / ; \`----' / `._____.-' | | | __| | |__ jgs / | \ `""""`""""` Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster? A: Cockerpoodledoo! Q: Why do dogs run in circles? A: Because its hard to run in squares! Q: What do chemists' dogs do with their bones? A: They barium! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-""-. .-""-. / ,.`. ____ .' _ \ \ / \ `" "' ,' \ / `-' Y Y `-' | _ _ | | (O)(O) | / __ \ | /# \ | | \__/ | \ / `.____.' --" "-- hjw At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's face or show concern. Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor. The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza. -<>- "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" I asked my friend. "He wants to be a garbage man," he replied. "That's an unusual ambition to have at such a young age." "Not really. He thinks that garbage men work only on Tuesdays." -<>- A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows): A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. -<>- A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer. After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man, "We need individuals who are totally responsible." The young man grinned and responded: "Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I've worked, when something went wrong, I was always responsible!" -<>- Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore." "Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion." -<>- In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite gender?" I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'" ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: o o / \ / \ / \ / +--------------v-------------+ | __________________ @ | | / , ooo \ | | | ---=====|#O#### | (\) | | | ` \ ) | | | | ,;`, | | | (-) | | | // o ', | | | | | \ ' o \ /, | | / :|||: | | -ooo-------------- :|||: | +----------------------------+ [] [] unknown >The Five Commercials Aired During The Lewinsky / Walters Interview" (and yes, these really did air during the interview) 5. Victoria's Secret lingerie. 4. Burger King - featuring the song "It's My Party, and I'll Cry if I Want To." 3. Oral-B Deluxe. 2. A promo for the TV movie "Cleopatra," with the following voice-over: "When she was only 20, she seduced the most powerful leader in the world." 1. Maytag's Neptune washing machine - "It actually has the power to remove stains!" -<>- ___ .' '. / .---. \ |=()_()=| `( _ )` _)- -(_ /|`---`|\ / \_ _/ \ / /`\ _/`\ \ _//` /\ /\ `\\_ /|` | \_/ | `|\ \ | / \_ | _/ / / \ \ |/ \| .----/ \---/ \---. |====`-'==='-`====| \ _______ / \--]=======[--/ '----._.----' __jgs______| |__________ ~~^~-~^~-~^-~~^~-~^~~^~-~^~ >TOP 16 SIGNS YOUR SWIMMING POOL NEEDS CLEANING 16. That green tarp covering your pool? Look again, Sparky. 15. Neighborhood kids ask if they can jump on your trampoline. 14. That guy from Sunset Boulevard is REALLY beginning to smell gamey. 13. pH is so high, in vitro fertilization is possible. 12. Kids still pee in your pool, but they refuse to get in it first. 11. Skipping rocks across it causes sparks. 10. New algae species attract a Discovery Channel film crew to your backyard. 9. Jello-like water slowing the pace of water polo games to unacceptable levels. 8. Luke Skywalker and Yoda appear in search of the sunken X-Wing. 7. The Grim Reaper shows up in his Speedo. 6. "DREDGE ME" spelled out in algae on the bottom. 5. You can walk on the water, even though you're only the son of Gus. 4. Dr. Kervorkian seen filling IV bottles at poolside. 3. Your recently installed pool filter resembles the Marlboro Man's chest x-ray. 2. You haven't seen that much scum since Mickey Rourke's last movie. and the Number 1 Sign Your Swimming Pool Needs Cleaning... 1. The amount of body hair found in the drain would even give even Robin Williams a run for his money. -<>- >Suicide A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, "Have you got any books about committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf." The chap came back a few moments later and said, "I can't find any at all." The librarian replied, "Yes, it's awful. The people never bring 'em back!" -<>- >The Red B In the afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake one guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures him to stop. Our guy rolls down the window. "How can I help you?" "I am the red B of the asphalt. You got something to eat?" With a smile in his face, he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away. Not even five minutes thereafter he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window. "What can I do for you?" "I am the yellow B of the asphalt. You got something to drink?" Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of coke and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what. To his frustration he sees another guy on the side, dressed all in blue, making a hand signal to stop him. Not quite willing, our guy decides to stop a last time, rolls his window down and yells to the guy, "So, let me guess, you're the blue B of the asphalt, and just what the heck do *you* want?" , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. "Driver's license and registration, please." -<>- An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required.... so get out of the car. The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat. Small problem, her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly, white woman......no charges were filed. -<>- .--..-""""-..--. ///`/////////\`\\\ ||/ |///""\\\| \|| ## ( 6. 6 ) ## /_\ \ _. / /_\ _`) (`_ /` '--' `\ / _,,_ \ / /` `\ \ /\_/ / 6 6\ \_/\ \ \/\ Y /\/ / \ \/ `'U` \/ / \( \ / )/ |\_/ \_/| / ____ \ \ ( || ) / (__)||(__) | || | |__||__| jgs |==||==| /~`//~`/ / // / `""` `"` >Kid Stuff: A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife." -<>- YOU MAY BE A PREACHER IF... * Your wife has amassed a huge collection of unsolicited casserole recipes. * You think Exegesis should be an Olympic Event. * You love to eat lunch alone so you don't have to say grace out loud. * People apologize to you after they use profanity. * While shaving, you've pointed at yourself in the mirror and shouted, "REPENT!" just to see what you look like doing it. -<>- Q: What do you get when you play country music backwards? A: You get your girl back, your pick-up back, and you stop drinking. -<>- . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` >Will the real dummy please stand up? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. ...With a little help from our friends! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!" ...What was plan B? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. ...These nitwits are teaching our children? A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." and A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy (not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy). ...Some days, it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the leather straps! Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system." ...The getaway! A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. ...Too well educated? In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened." ...Did I say that? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" ...Ouch, that smarts!!! A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody. ...Are we are communicating? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!" ...Not the sharpest knife in the drawer! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. --- ...And I saw this recently on the news... A man tried to board the bus while rocking and pivoting the ATM Machine he just had stolen. The bus driven refused to open the door and the robber was eventually nabbed with the goods. View the hilarious video of this here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bK7hnitsauE ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Zion The Lion!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zionthelion.html Bizarre Nature!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bizarrenature.html Hybrid Big Cats!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hybridbigcats.html Adam In Paradise!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html Toyger Mini Tiger!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minitiger.html World Of Big Cats!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html Mouse Vs Leopard!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mouse.html Dangerous Critters!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dangerouscritters.html Animals First Snow!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalsfirstsnow.html Bobcat On A Cactus!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html Leopard Vs Crocodile!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html Odin The White Tiger!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html Tierpark Leopard Cubs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopardcubs.html Incredible Wildlife Photos!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildlife.html Hand-Sized Baby Animals!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyanimals2.html Weird Rainy Days!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html Jellyfish Lake!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jellyfish.html Hiking In China!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html Mountain Biking!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountainbiking.html Longleat's Meals On Wheels!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/meals.html Friends: Lion, Tiger, And Bear!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liontigerbear.html Spring/Easter Menu!- https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- For cats... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8-_gvepAuk Funny dogs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuG6BWLQKuc Gardening for Food, Medicine, and Self-Care (part 2) - Survival Update http://tinyurl.com/y5nvbp8a -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) The Ehrlich Brothers from Germany are some of the hottest magicians in the world of magic today. https://youtu.be/oGHvwFtqGp4 Magic illusionist Derren Brown takes to the streets of London to show how he can read from peoples faces which of the 6 cups has an object placed underneath it. https://youtu.be/eR0RaBug9-4 Watch illusionist and magician winner Tomer Dudai as he performs his amazing magic on Israel's Got Talent 2018. https://youtu.be/DXxtLIb0iF8 --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Watch in amazement as a lion hunting on the plains of Africa gives a baby wildebeest a second chance at life. The massive herds of wildebeests and other animals are prime targets for lions but when it came to this little calf the lion had a change of heart. The wildebeest calf started imprinting on the lion like it was it’s mother. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5J_ARKyftA This baby isn't even old enough to crawl, but he's old enough to cut a rug! I must have watched this video 20 times at least. It's that cute! Check out the newest dancing baby sensation to take over the Internet. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ctchcuX60s&feature=player_embedded --- ...HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! Almost every discussion of foreign policy has something to do with what's happening in the Middle East right now. But I'm always surprised by how little some people know about what's actually going on. This video does a great job at breaking down the situation in simple language. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQMpcSQIvOk&feature=player_embedded Some of these (like the bacon one) I've known about forever. But a few were new to me! How many of these cool microwave tricks have you heard of before? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTGfXhSwvMk&feature=player_embedded --- ...Love these! Most Interesting! Thanks LouiseAU! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Hard to believe! Just think that this was the way it was..... WW II Facts and Aircraft We’ve all seen these stats before but a refresher is always in order. I thought that you would like these interesting pictures and statistics Horrific stat: US lost average of 170 aircraft a day!! http://pippaettore.com/Horrific_WWII_Statistics.html --- ...Amazing! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) GoPro: Hovercraft Deer Rescue - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/embed/cgnceHH_p_I#aid=P9VMVUJKfvA --- ...Love it! So heartwarming! Thanks Fran! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study reveals Americans are getting fatter and giving up on their diets. The study was conducted by going to a water park for five minutes." -Conan O'Brien "Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover." -Jimmy Kimmel "They're considering a new 10-cent fee on grocery bags here in New York. My mom said, 'Who's laughing at the eight- thousand bags under the sink NOW?'" -Jimmy Fallon "Police in South Carolina charged a substitute teacher last week for allegedly being drunk while in class. Students realized she was drunk after she kept referring to lunch period as 'Miller time.'" -Seth Meyers "College students are out of town for spring break. This is the time of year students take a well-deserved break from partying and drinking at school to go party and drink on a beach." -Jimmy Kimmel "Everyone's OK, but over the weekend off the coast of Florida, a Carnival Cruise ship almost hit two jet skiers. Today, the captain of the ship apologized and said, 'I'll get them next time.'" -Conan O'Brien "This weekend, we all moved our clocks ahead by one hour. In other words, that's our show, goodnight everybody!" -Conan O'Brien "Everyone is talking about the big snowstorm expected to hit New York. In fact, some are saying we could experience a whiteout. Things will even out on St. Patrick's Day when we all experience a blackout." -Jimmy Fallon "Taco Bell has announced that it is creating a hybrid of its Quesalupas and Doritos Locos Tacos, called the Doritos Quesalupa Crunch. Of course, if you can say that, you're probably not drunk enough to eat it. -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************