Lost Words, Good Old Days And More... :) Shangy!
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"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* Our Hearts and Prayers go out to all those Affected by Shootings.
May God bless them and comfort them through Christ Jesus Our Lord.
From President Trump: America Weeps for the Fallen
https://tinyurl.com/y5sjxzxj
Thank you to all first respondents, law enforcement officials,
medical personnel and those who lined up and donated blood.
-<>-
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press
This red hot new page is from our friend Geniann. Take a little
time and enjoy some relaxing eye candy with this one. Some of
God's best reflective beauty. Check it out here..
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unknown
God's Water Paintings 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/water3.html
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...Aww, so stunningly beautiful! Thank you Geniann!
This next flaming hot new page is from our friends Linda and
LouiseAu! People and their achievements never cease to amaze
me and these elders are definitely awe inspiring! Take a
couple minutes on this and give yourself plenty of smiles
for your day...
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Inspiring Seniors 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inspiringseniors2.html
---
...Lovely! Thank You Ladies!
The first one is almost my attitude since from when I was young -
'Hey! if they can do it, I can too!'
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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(__/ \__) b'ger
>If Restaurants Functioned Like Tech Support
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems
to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it’s still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it
with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind
of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it’s a configuration
problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do
with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed
the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of
the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm
running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!!
-<>-
There was this yellow toad hopping down a path in the woods. He
was feeling really sick and had such a terrible cough he thought
he might croak. Anyway, he came upon a man who, it turns out,
was a doctor. He diagnosed the frogs illness right away, but,
alas, he found he was not carrying the medicine with him that
the frog required.
The doctor pointed down the path toward a distant hill. "Toad",
he said, "if you can hop down past that hill you will find a
village where my office is located. Take this prescription with
you and tell the Pharmacist to give you what you need." The toad
thanked the doctor and started on his journey.
A few hours later, the doctor came upon a bunny , hopping
through the woods. "And how are you today, Mr. Rabbit?" said the
doctor.
"Not so good," came the reply. "I hopped on a thorn a few miles
back and my foot is starting to swell."
The doctor looked at the rabbit's limb and applied a temporary
bandage. "You need to see my nurse who will give you a better
dressing and make you well again."
"Oh thank you!" said the rabbit. "Which way do I go to find
your office?"
With that, the doctor pointed toward the distant hill and said,
"Follow the yellow sick toad."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 5 is National Underwear Day, National Oyster Day and
Work Like a Dog Day
August 6 is Wiggle Your Toes Day
August 7 is Chinese Valentine's Day/Daughter's Day - 7th day of 7th
Lunar Month and National Lighthouse Day
August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Porch Day
August 9 is Book Lover's Day
August 10 is Lazy Day and National S'mores Day
August 11 is Presidential Joke Day and Son and Daughter Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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jgs `=':-..-'`
>Combination Prayer
I needed some supplies from a Sunday school cupboard that was seldom
used and was secured with a lock. I didn't know the combination, but
our clergyman offered to give it a try.
Father Jack placed his fingers on the lock's dial and raised his eyes
heavenward for a moment. Then he confidently spun the dial and opened
the lock. Seeing how impressed I was with this demonstration of
faith, he smiled and confided, "The numbers are written on the
ceiling."
-<>-
>Seasick
John had never been on a fishing boat before, and he was now thinking
it was the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his life. Who would ever
have believed that seasickness could be this awful? With every pitch
and roll, John wondered how he was going to survive the remaining two
hours of the trip.
One of the deckhands came up to him and said, "Don't worry, old
fella. Nobody ever died of seasickness."
"You've just taken away my last hope for relief," John said.
-<>-
>Cry Mates
One Spring afternoon, I came home to find two little girls on the
steps of my building. Both were crying hard, shedding big tears.
Thinking they might be hurt, I dropped my briefcase and quickly went
over to them. "Are you all right?" I asked.
Still sobbing, one held up her doll. "My baby's arm came off,"
she said.
I took the doll and its disjointed arm. After a little effort and
luck, the doll was again whole. "Thank you," came a whisper from the
girl as I handed her the doll back. Next, looking into the tearful
eyes of her friend, I asked, "And what's the matter with you, young
lady?"
She wiped her cheeks and said, "Oh I'm okay, I was just helping her
cry."
-<>-
>Psychic Phenomena
We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our Comparative
Religions course. Our instructor told us about a woman who contacted
police working on a missing-persons case. "She gave eerily detailed
instructions on where to find the body," the teacher said. "In fact,
the detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now what
would you call that kind of person?"
While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's officer taking
the course raised his hand and replied, "A suspect."
-<>-
>Clear Communication
In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon
to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor.
One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because
the vendor was suffering from a "severe non-linear waterfowl issue."
Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly
is that?"
The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
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>SMILES
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says, "Your heart,
lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the
bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The woman starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by
the doctor, "No, no! Don't remove your clothes. Just stick out
your tongue!"
----------
This guy had a problem of oversleeping. He was always late for work,
and his boss was getting mad. So he went to the doctor and got some
pills that were supposed to help.
That night he slept well and woke up even before the alarm! He had
a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.
"Boss", he said. "The pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"
"That's fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"
----------
Who says today's kids aren't smart? At a high school in Montana a
group of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let 3
goats loose in the school. Before they let them go they painted
numbers on the sides of the goats..1-2-4.
Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.
----------
It's a cold winter morning and the wife texts her husband at his
office: "Windows frozen, won't open."
He texts back, "Gently pour some warm water over it.
Five minutes later, she texts back, "Computer really screwed up now!"
----------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's heavy.'
---
...HAHAHA! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
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>Lost Words from our childhood:
Words gone as fast as the buggy whip!
The other day a not so elderly (I say 75) lady said something to her
son about driving a Jalopy and he looked at her quizzically and said
"What the heck is a Jalopy?" He never heard of the word jalopy!! She
knew she was old.... but not that old.
Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this.
About a month ago, I wrote down some old expressions that have become
obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology.
These phrases included "Don't touch that dial," "Carbon copy," "You
sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry."
Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best
bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right.
Heavens to Betsy! Gee whilikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy moley!
We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a
regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop
or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!
Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last
time anything was swell?
Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats,
knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers and
Saddle Stitched Pants.
Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.
We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we
can say, 'Well, I'll be 'A monkey's uncle!'
Or, This is a 'fine kettle of fish'! We discover that the words we
grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent have vanished with
scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't
forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper.
Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny
papers.
Don't take any wooden nickels.
Wake up and smell the roses.
It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than
Carter has liver pills.
We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeable times.
For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age.
We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of
remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were
words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are
heard no more, except in our collective memory.
It's one of the greatest advantages of aging.
Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth..
See ya later, alligator!
Okey dokey
WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE FABULOUS 30s, 40s and 50s..
NO ONE WILL EVER HAVE THAT OPPORTUNITY AGAIN...
WE WERE GIVEN ONE OF OUR MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS:
...........OUR MEMORIES.......
---
...Absolutely! Thanks LouiseAu! After while Crocodile!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
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/ O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ |
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[| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| |
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>Oh, The Good Old Days?
We take our appliances for granted. Imagine if you had to
wash your clothes in a tub with a scrub board and a wringer?
Or if you had to have a block of ice delivered every other
day to keep your 'ice box' cold? But as convenient and
reliable as they are, our appliances still need a little
loving care to keep them working at optimum efficiency.
Here's one...
>Give your microwave a lemon steam.
Splatters inside the microwave make it work harder, which
can wear it down over time. Microwaves heat all the food
you put inside it, including the stuff stuck to the walls.
Simple fix: fill a bowl with 1/2 cup water and the juice
of one lemon and heat for 3 minutes to loosen debris, then
wipe clean. Regular cleaning can extend the life of your
microwave by years.
-<>-
>Let grout scrub itself with toothpaste
From your bathroom tile to your kitchen backsplash, icky
grimy grout can be super-tough to clean.
Whitening toothpaste to the rescue!
Simply mix traditional toothpaste (not gel, people) with a
little water to make it easier to spread across the grout.
Let it sit while you sleep, and in the monring, just wipe the
area with a damp towel to reveal the bright, white grout!
-<>-
>Get your bathroom gleaming with vinegar
This pantry powerhouse will get your toilet sparkling while
you sleep?
Pour about 1/2 cup of distilled white vinegar into your toilet
bowl and let it sit overnight. It disinfects and reduces hard-
water rings at the same time.
For your sink: put the stopper in and fill it with hot water
and 1/2 cup of vinegar, and let it sit overnight as well.
In the morning...both your toilet and sink will be nice
and clean. AND no elbow grease is needed!
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hints:
* Save gas with the right size flame.
Match the size of your burner's flame to the size of
your pot. You lose 40 percent of the heat if the flame
extends beyond the bottom of the pot. Not only does
that waste energy, much of that excess heat is absorbed
into the stove or escapes into your kitchen, heating the
house and making your air conditioning work harder.
* Green Cleaning and Wood Surfaces
There are a lot of different recipes out there that call for
some combination of olive oil and vinegar. (Yes, you're
cleaning with salad dressing, for a floor you could eat off).
The ratio of vinegar, oil and water will vary depending on
the the type of wood and the finish you have on top of it.
For wood floors, try 1/4 cup of vinegar in 1 gallon of hot
water. For wood furniture, start with 1 cup vinegar with 1
teaspoon oil.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
What The Left Is HIDING About The Texas Mass Shooting
They don’t want to admit it, but they know it’s true,,,
Army Specialist Glendon Oakley, a legal gun owner, stepped in
during the mass shooting at the El Paso, Texas Walmart and saved
the lives of several kids.
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18k1e9-kfw2qy-b61d11g6/
Alyssa Milano Attacks Walmart After Shooting, Instantly REGRETS IT
She should’ve done a little research before speaking. But then again,
she is a liberal…
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18k1e9-kfw2r8-b61d11g2/
Beto Spreads Trump Hysteria In The EVILEST Way
This was a terrible event, how could he stoop so low…
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18k1e9-kfw2r1-b61d11g5/
Biden VOWS To KEEP Disastrous Obama Policy
Were praying he doesn’t win in 2020…
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18k1e9-kfw2r5-b61d11g9/
Kamala Harris’ PAST That She Doesn’t Want You To See
Kamala isn't the person she say's she is...
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18k1e9-kfw2qv-b61d11g3/
Michelle Obama Breaks Silence, TALKS 2020 RUN
Here’s what she said…
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18h4jr-kf6edw-b61d11g9/
Bernie Teams Up With Rapper Cardi B, Instantly REGRETS IT
This is downright hilarious, what was Bernie Sanders THINKING?
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18h4jr-kf6edz-b61d11g2/
Liberals LOSE IT, After Chick-fil-A Does THIS
They hate the company's Christian values, but they can’t win this one
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18h4jr-kf6ee2-b61d11g1/
Did This Hollywood Star Just Call For Trump Jr's ASSASSINATION?
Something needs to be done...
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-18h4jr-kf6ee9-b61d11g8/
---
...People who hunt in Africa lawfully as Trump's sons have done may
only go after game that is designated by the country to help preserve
the animals or help with the environment. Just like deer hunting here
in the states. I Saw this posted to help clarify Hunting in Africa:
Linda August 3, 2019 at 9:26 pm
The sick twists that follow this moron need to find out about the
African laws when it comes to hunting wildlife animals. My cousin
hunts in Africa a lot, elephant, water buffalo, lion, tiger,
whatever. #1 rule – the meat goes to the villagers, not transported
to America. #2 rule – the “hunter” is allowed to take the hide and
as many photos as they wish to bring back to America.
Hopefully, Arnold goes to prison for violent threats.
Westwing News:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Fish, Beef, Drink Flavoring, Trampolines
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert: Plastic Pieces Found in More Food
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
It is true that love is a battlefield, especially in
Pennsylvania where naked women run around the streets
stabbing each other.
Now that is how you start a story.
Allegheny County Housing Authority police were trying
to identify a naked woman who allegedly slashed or
stabbed three other women in an apparent lovers' quarrel
at a public housing complex...because where else would
something like that happen?
Police did not immediately release the names of any of
the other women involved in the incident.
Chief Mike Vogel says one woman accompanied by one friend
and another woman accompanied by two others clashed on
the street...sort of like a lesbian West Side Story.
That is when the naked woman became involved, dashing
into the fray out of nowhere like a psychotic Zorro,
swinging like crazy - and whipping her knife around too.
Police planned to charge the five women who met to fight,
as well as the naked woman - though none of the other
women would identify her.
Two women were treated at hospitals for stab or slash
wounds.
-<>-
Kids. Aren't they precious? You just never know how they
will endear themselves to your heart. Especially if you
are that special person in their lives; a teacher. Maybe
they will be inspired by your passion for teaching. Maybe
they will exceed your expectations and dedicate their
valedictorian speech to you. Maybe they will rehearse and
perform your symphony like they did in Mr. Holland's
Opus.
Or maybe they will try to murder you out of sheer spite.
You could ask this Ohio teacher who practically begged
her students to be careful of her deadly food allergy.
You can probably guess how the story ends.
A group of middle-schoolers in Ohio sent their art teacher
with a deadly banana allergy to the hospital after
intentionally smearing banana peels on her door and
doorknob and throwing bananas at her while she sat in her
classroom, a new report said.
A police report claimed that students at the Starling
K-8 school knew the unidentified teacher had a deadly
food allergy. The teacher's classroom door also had a
"Banana Free Zone" sign that warns students to wash
their hands if they come in contact with the fruit.
"All of the kids know she's deathly allergic to bananas,"
a security officer told the police. "If it touches her,
she will go into anaphylactic shock."
According to the school security officer, the teacher
went into anaphylactic shock within 15 minutes of the
incident, was administered two EpiPens and was rushed
to the hospital where she recovered.
The three students between 12 and 13-years-old were put
on probation through juvenile court. It was unclear what,
if any charges the juveniles faced. It was also unclear
on what punishment they faced at the school.
The Columbus Police Department said felony assaults on
teachers were on the rise in 2019, with more than 30
cases documented since January.
*--- What's In The Box??? ---*
After Last week's 'Frankenstein' story you didn't things
could get any worse, did you? Well, say hello to a man
who just found a dead baby sister he never knew he had,
frozen in his mother's freezer. Days after his mother's
death, a St. Louis man made a gruesome discovery when
he opened a wrapped box that he says had been in the
freezer since he was a kid. Adam Smith had been living
in his family's St. Louis apartment while taking care
of his mother, who recently died of cancer. Smith says
his mother kept a wrapped box inside the freezer for
decades, and she had told him to stay away from it as
a kid. After she died, he decided to open the box.
Inside, he discovered a dead, frozen baby, which he
says left him shocked. Smith says he's now distraught
thinking about the possibility that the baby may have
been his sister and what his mother may have done. "I
have to wait for the autopsy to see if that baby ever
took a breath, and I cannot help it to think she might
have done something to it," he said. Smith says a
relative recently told him his mother gave birth to
twins but lost one at birth. Now that his mother has
passed away, Smith wonders if he'll ever know the truth.
*--- Man Checks Missile Launcher at Airport ---*
Federal officials say they've found a missile launcher in
a man's luggage at the airport in Baltimore. The
Transportation Security Administration said in a statement
that the military grade weapon was located in the man's
checked luggage at Baltimore/Washington International
Thurgood Marshall Airport. TSA officers called airport
police who found the man and detained him for questioning.
The unidentified traveler said he was in the military and
coming home from Kuwait. He said he wanted to keep the
weapon as a souvenir. The TSA said the missile launcher
was "not a live device." But it was handed over to the
state fire marshal for disposal. The man was ultimately
allowed to catch his flight home. At least he didn't try
to bring it on the plane as carry-on.
*--- The Wrong Way to Kill Weeds, But a Great Way to
Start a House Fire ---*
A Michigan man who wanted to remove weeds made more of a
mess than he cleared, firefighters say. At about 5:15 p.m.
firefighters received a call of a shed fire in University
Mobile Estates, Green Oak Township Fire Chief Kevin Gentry
said. A man who was using a blow torch to clear weeds near
the shed had set it on fire and the fire spread to other
trailer homes in the park, Gentry said. It took fire-
fighters about 20 minutes to get the fire out, but a
propane tank leak that lasted about three hours caused the
department to evacuate everyone in the trailer park, Gentry
said. Three trailer homes were damaged in the fire, with
two having severe damage and another moderately damaged,
Gentry said. The residents of these three homes, which
include the man who was using the blow torch, were displaced
and are being assisted by the American Red Cross, he said.
*--- Surgeons Remove 526 Teeth From Boy's Mouth ---*
Dental surgeons in India said a boy suffering from a swollen
jaw turned out to have 526 teeth that needed to be removed.
Saveetha Dental College and Hospital in Chennai said the
boy's parents first noticed the jaw swelling when the boy
was three years old, but they did not want him undergoing
any procedures at such a young age. The parents decided to
have the boy, now 7, examined when the condition continued
to advance. A surgeon discovered a "compound odontome," a
bag-like mass, in the boy's mouth, and it was removed. The
mass turned out to contain 526 tooth-like structures. The
objects varied in size, but each had a crown and root-like
structures, giving them the shape of teeth. "It was
reminiscent of pearls in an oyster," the dental surgeon
said. The hospital said it was "the first ever case to be
documented world wide where so many minute teeth were found
in a single individual."
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
.----------.
/ .-. .-. \
/ | | | | \
\ `-' `-' _/
/\ .--. / |
\ | / / / /
/ | `--' /\ \
/`-------' \ \ Jym Dyer
>Can We Have A Word?
Husband: Do you know that on an average women says between
10,000 to 35,000 words a day?
Wife: Yes, that's because they have to repeat everything often
to men.
Husband: What?
-<>-
>Calling Off
A phone call came to a school.
Caller: My daughter can't come to school today.
School Secretary: Alright, but what's the relation between you and
the student?
Caller: This is my mother speaking.
-<>-
>Does It Work?
A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.
She asked: "Do you have Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
"Can you get it over the counter?" she asked.
"I can if I take two," he answered.
-<>-
>Two Lawyers and A Lady
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young
lady walks by.
One attorney turns to his associate and comments, "Boy, I would
like to screw her!
The other attorney thinks for a second and said, "Out of what?"
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: Who invented fractions?
A: Henry the Eighth.
Q: Why do girls rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
Q: What does a bum call a dumpster?
A: Bed and Breakfast.
Q: Where do you buy chess supplies?
A: At a pawn shop.
_.-`''`-._
,` `. __________________________
| ,._-'''-. | | Ogladalnosc Serialu |
| |,-. ,-.| | | "Plebania" wynosi 0,03% |
|/' `-| < i nadal zajebiscie rosnie!|
\ (_) / `--------------------------'
\ ____ /
\ `--` /
_.--`/'|`-..-'|\''''`-.
,-' / |`._,' / \ \
| / \,/``\/ \ | \
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|_.------''/ /; ,` |/
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Q: What kind of underwear to reporters wear?
A: News briefs.
Q: What did the one penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
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My husband and I often spell words so that our small
children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't
realize what a habit this had become until one day when
my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup
aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged
me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked
at my husband and said, "Boy is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "but I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
-<>-
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck
with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a
female pedestrian.
She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention.
She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the
truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the
curb and stopped.
I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.
"I'm fine," she assured me, "but if that dog hadn't honked..."
-<>-
A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles
to apply for a driver's license and has to take an eye test.
They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the optician asks.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know that guy!"
-<>-
When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good
news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son
overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One
day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman
asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going
to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her
Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it
quits!"
-<>-
My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate
unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill,
however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her.
She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven
items.
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded
to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two
dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes
of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
-<>-
___
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>This Strange English Language
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
_________________________________________________________
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||.--. .-._ .----. ||
|||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ ||
||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---|||
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||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ |||
||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ |||
|||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---|||
||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
|| ___ .-.__.-----. .---.||
|| |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^|||
|| , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q |||
|| _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R |||
|| '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y |||
||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z |||
|| _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^|||
|| `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||_______________________________________________________||
Qryz
'The aim of education should be to teach us how to think, rather
than what to think. To improve our minds, so as to enable us to
think for ourselves, rather than to load the memory with thoughts
of others.'
- Bill Beattie
-<>-
Ol' Buford walked into a doctor"s office and the receptionist asked
him what he had.
Buford said, "I got shingles."
So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and
told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse"s aid came
out and asked Buford what he had.
Buford said "I got Shingles."
So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and
told Buford to wait in the examining room.
A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked Buford what he had.
A little perplexed Buford said, "I got Shingles."
So she gave Buford a blood test, a blood pressure test, an
electrocardiogram, told Buford to take off all his clothes and
wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked Buford what he had.
Buford said. "I got Shingles."
The doctor said, Where?"
Buford said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"
-<>-
Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blonde
passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed.
Soon after takeoff, the blonde man called a stewardess to his seat
and said, "I have a live grenade in my pocket. I'll blow up the
plane if you do not divert to Cairo."
Perplexed, the stewardess said, "But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219
to Cairo."
"Nooooo!" replied the blonde passenger. "I got on the wrong plane."
-<>-
_____
,\_+_/,
'(("""))'
'(|o,o|)'
'; = ;'
_) (_
/' \_/ '\
/\(_ : _)/\
/||/)___( \ \
\|_)' \/ /
| (_/
| |
| |
|_______|
\ | /
Sher^: | :
; | ;
"Visiting hours
are over!"
>Questions Concerning HMOs or Government Run Healthcare like Obamacare.
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots
go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who
discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in
his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q. I just joined. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the
plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who
are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but
are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the
remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients
has an office just a half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a
Third World Country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the
name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a
stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart
transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is your
co-payment/deductible, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.
-<>-
______
____,-----' (
)' \
| |
| |
| |
|+++++++++++++++++++++|
|++++++++++++++++++++++ |_
__,-|+++++++++;""""""""""""" `--._
___,--' ~~~~~~~~~ _______________ _`-.
,' ________,-----'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~######-.
`---._____,-'~~~~~~~ __ ~~~~~~
~~~~~ ____ ____,---' \\
/::::\ /::::\ ||
|::::::|==|::::::|
\::::/ \:::::/
~~~~ ~~~~~
,---------------.
,'(___________ ) ;`.
/ \ / ,' `.
_/ `._ \_ / ,' `.
_/ `. \ / ,
/ `. (########) _/
| `-.\######/' /
|"""""""""""""""""""": | `----': _/
| : | : * * : /
| : | : * : /
| INVISIBLE MAN : | * /
| |
>THE BEST OF MIXED UP METAPHORS
by Richard Lederer [from his book "Anguished English"]
I wouldn't be caught dead in that movie with a ten-foot pole.
The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.
Milwaukee is the golden egg that the rest of the state wants to milk.
She'll get it by hook or ladder.
The bankers' pockets are bulging with the sweat of the honest working
man.
That's a very hard blow to swallow.
These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.
The slowdown is accelerating.
That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.
When we get to that bridge, we'll jump.
Don't sit there like a sore thumb.
Everyone whose ox has been gored is going to be squealing.
It's time to swallow the bullet.
It's time to grab the bull by the tail and look it in the eye.
The budget deficit is an albatross we carry on our back.
The sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora's Box.
It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake.
I was so surprised you could have knocked me over with a fender.
Let dead dogs sleep.
Stop beating a dead horse to death.
Regret to inform you that the hand that rocked the cradle has
kicked the bucket.
From now on, I'm watching everything you do with a fine-tuned comb.
That guy's out to butter his own nest.
I would not have gone in there over my dead body.
Many cities and towns have community gardening programs that need a
little more help to get off the ground.
He threw a wet towel on the meeting.
We've got to be careful about getting too many cooks into this soup,
or somebody's going to think there's dirty work behind the
crossroads.
We both had crewcuts, which made our ears stick out like sore thumbs.
In our school, freshmen are on the lowest rungs of the totem pole.
He's between a rock and the deep blue sea.
Let's hope that Steve Carlton gets his curve ball straightened out.
Let us nip this political monkey in the bud before it sticks to us
like a leech.
He was a very astute politician with both ears glued to the ground.
I do hope that you don't think I've been making a mountain out of a
mole hole, but that's the whole kettle of fish in a nutshell.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
Look Who's Talking 9
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking9.html
Amazon Warehouses
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazoncenter.html
Maria The Goose!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html
Maxine On Jesus!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html
Kids Being Kids 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids2.html
Top Reasons To Smile!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smile.html
God's Little Love Notes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/notes.html
World's Largest Model Railway!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modelrailway.html
World's Tallest Tunnel Slide
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tallestslide.html
World's Tallest Wooden Building
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tallestbuilding.html
Stainless VS Gold!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/stainlesscar.html
Cute Australian Wildlife!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/australiaanimals.html
Chalk Art 9!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/chalkart9.html
SubTropolis: Park!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/subtropolisup.html
Montreal Mosaicultures 2!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/montrealshow2.html
Kids With Dads!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/kidswithdads.html
Silly Veggies!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/veggies.html
Growing Fruits And Veggies!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/fruitsandveggies.html
SUMMER INDEX:
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
Jay Leno almost bitten by Alligator - Steve Irwin 2002
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JORR25R4Y0
If it wasn't on film no one would believe it 5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdhy0USdo0w
Amazing video 2019 & Unbelievable moments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAYLx_KI0Go
Hold Your Breath And Watch. - Incredible Moments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOIlAimAn5g
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
David Copperfield magically floats among the clouds and stars in one
of the greatest illusion of all time.
https://youtu.be/jgN-Ac5EH1Y
---
...Love his work! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"You know those little robot vacuums called Roombas? The
company that makes them says that Roombas have the
capability to map out your home while they clean it, and
it's planning to sell that information to Amazon and
Google. We all thought that the Roomba was just vacuuming;
turns out it was casing the joint." -James Corden
"A Georgia man is facing charges after he tried to enter
a Waffle House completely naked. Ugh. Can you imagine?
Walking into a Waffle House barefoot?" -Seth Meyers
"This was a little controversial: Pope Francis recently
said that the majority of modern Catholic marriages are
worthless because couples don't always mean it when they
say they'll love each other forever. And that's the last
time Pope Francis was ever asked to give a best man
speech." -Jimmy Fallon
"The owner of a clown motel in Nevada is looking to sell
it. The clown motel is like any other motel, except it
only has one parking spot." -Jimmy Fallon
"A company has created a line of non-alcoholic wines for
cats containing catnip, water, and organic beet juice
for owners who want to drink with their pets. Said the
cats, "Yeah, I'd love to, but I actually have a thing
tonight.'" -Seth Meyers
"A new study says that children are suffering bad health
effects from eating too much pizza. The study was
explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried
to eat." -Conan O'Brien
"Two ATMs here in New York were shut down for dispensing
counterfeit money. People were suspicious after one guy
kept asking, 'Hey, can you break a 23?'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A study has found that the most popular type of business
in New Jersey is golf equipment stores. Though most
customers come in and say, 'I need a blunt object and a
bag about as big as a guy.'" -Seth Meyers
"Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with
Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer
goggles." -Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
Ad Request
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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