Meet For Dinner? ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first hottie is from our friend Wesley. I love the imagination that went into these! Just awesome! _..--""-. .-""--.._ _.-' \ __...----...__ / '-._ .' .:::...,' ',...:::. '. ( .'``'''::; ;::'''``'. ) \ '-) (-' / \ / \ / \ .'.-. .-.'. / \ | \0| |0/ | / | \ | .-==-. | / | \ `/`; ;`\` / '.._ (_ | .-==-. | _) _..' `"`"-`/ `/' '\` \`-"`"` / /`; .==. ;`\ \ .---./_/ \ .==. / \ \ / '. `-.__) | `" | =(`-. '==. ; jgs \ '. `-. / \_:_) `"--.....-' Building Advertising Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html --- ...Really nice! Thanks Wesley! -<>- This Next hottie has been long in the making. It comes from not just one or two of our members but from forwards accumulated from 5 of our friends! Simply one great big, wonderful, fun collection! Give it time to load... _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Political Humor 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics5.html --- ...Super tremendous! Thank You Wesley, Vivian, Johanna, Sandi and Del! * You guys are AWESOME! You Give Us The SMILES We Need To Cope! ================================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Isn't This Cuckoo Village? _ ,/_\, A man had just left home and was heading down ,/_/ \_\, the highway. He saw a sign which said "Cuckoo /_/ ___ \_\ Village, Exit 5". When he arrived at Exit 5, /_/ |(V)| \_\ he took it for he was anxious to see what this | .-. | was all about. It wasn't long after leaving the | / / \ | main highway, he saw a sign that said "Cuckoo | \ \ / | Village" and he pulled into the first driveway | '-' | that he saw. '--,-,--' | | There in front of him, was the most beautiful building | | he had ever seen. It was made of logs and was most | | unusual. It had many windows and doors, all of which /\| had shutters on them. He decided he had to go in and \/| look around. He knocked on the first door he /\ encountered and found himself face to face with a \/ beautiful woman named Heidi. He asked if she minded him coming in and having a look around. Heidi replied, "Not at all, please come in. My name is Heidi and I am the owner of this place. Feel free to roam around and if you have any questions, please ask me." The inside of the building was as beautiful as the outside. It was elaborately decorated with many ornaments, stuffed animals and many clocks. After a while, the man came back to Heidi and said "I'm truly impressed. I would like to have one. How do I go about getting one of these." Heidi said, "Which one?" The man replied, "Doesn't really matter, just one something like this." Heidi (a bit confused), "Do you mean one of our cuckoo clocks?" Man (now a bit confused himself), "I mean a cuckoo house. Isn't this a cuckoo village." Heidi, "Yes, this is the cuckoo village! We sell cuckoo clocks." Man, "Darn. My wife just kicked me out of the house....said I was a cuckoo. I'm looking for a place to live." ======================================================================= >-->This one is from Both Our Friends Johanna And Wesley :) >Johanna's joke came in first... _____________ | | \ | PAMPA | | | * | | | | |__ | | __ \______ | |/ \_____ |_________________ | O \___________________/ \ | \\*****; \ \ | \\***********; \ \ ____________| \\************;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; \ \ /____________| \\***** ***; ; | | \ \\*** *; ; \ \ | \\*** * ***;________________; | | \_ \\*** ****;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; | | |_ \\***********;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _|_| | \\*.***;*****;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _/_/ \ \\ ******;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _/_/ \ ____ \\ ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; / |_/__/ \ \\ / / \ \\ / / \ \\ _ /_/ \ \\ / / \ \\ _ / / \ | | \ / / | / / \ / / | \ \ \ | | \_ | | \_ | | \__|/ Arty Dewey * Speaking German in Texas: Near where I lived in San Antonio, there is the town of New Braunfels, Texas, where there is a large German-speaking population, a rancher walking down a country road notices a man using his right hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond. The rancher shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which means: ("Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh** in it.") . The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English." . The rancher replied: "Use both hands. You'll get more." >Right Afterwards, we got another version of it from Wesley... ,--, |__ _ ___/ /\| :__|_|__/ __ ;( )__, ) /-\|__/-\_/ ; // '--; \'/ \'/ \ | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ * German - foreign language: An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!" (which means: "Don't drink the water. The cows and pigs have pooped in it!") The man shouts back: "I am a Muslim. I don't understand, nor do I care to understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!" The Amish man shouts back in English: "Use two hands, you'll get more!" --- ...A Good laugh! Thank You Johanna And Wesley! I was curious and looked up the words used here. They are German and do mean pretty much what they say. So I was thinking perhaps Wesley's might be wrong so I looked up the Amish and learned that many do speak a form of German. So there you have it - two versions both correct and both funny! I tip my hat to you two! Great job! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Del :) _____ , ___)) / | 6 6 (___( _e ____/ /_ / \ o\_/ \ / /\' _ _)\ /_< )____/\_\ ___oo' ,ooooo,|_/ -//,-( / |=/ | \ \ \ \ )_______\ / ) / ) / / ( | | / \ | _________ |/_______\|________. = = /( )\ b'ger /,/ 7 \\_ >AN IRISH BLOND IN A CASINO An attractive blonde from Cork Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... 'YES! YES! I WON , I WON !' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.' MORAL OF THE STORY - Not all Irish are drunks, not all blonds are dumb, but all men...are men. --- ...HaHa! a good one! Thanks Del! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend James :) . .::. ::::. '::::. ':: .::' {} _, ___/__\_// (_\_ _/ -' `)(` jgs ~""~ All the wonders you seek are within yourself. ~ Sir Thomas Browne When it becomes necessary to do a thing, the whole heart and soul should go into the measure, or not attempt it. ~ Thomas Paine (The Rights of Man) --- ...So true! Thanks James! ================================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From Christian Coalition Of America: * Support the National Day of Prayer Recently, a US Federal Judge made a ruling that would surely surprise our Founding Fathers. She ruled that the "National Day of Prayer" is unconstitutional! Our dependence on God's mercy has been recognized by our government since before the Founding Fathers even brought our current Constitution into existence, and our country's recognition of that need should not be discarded by a left-wing activist judge. Currently, a bipartisan group of over twenty US House members have co-sponsored a resolution calling on President Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder to appeal this decision all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. We need to give them our support! Join our online campaign to voice your support for the National Day of Prayer, and your support for efforts to overturn this horrendous decision. Sign our online petition today. Then be sure to contact your members of Congress and let them know that you support the National Day of Prayer and encourage them to co-sponsor the resolution. Take this opportunity to speak out for our values today! http://www.cc.org/olpetition/support_national_day_prayer * ObamaCare Still Unpopular - Despite Obama's Sales Pitches A full month after the vote by the US House to push their own version of health care "reform" through, despite the opposition of the American people, and after more speeches and sales pitches by Obama and various members of Congress, ObamaCare is, well, STILL unpopular with a majority of Americans. It's so unpopular that the latest Rasmussen poll shows that 56% of Americans think it should be repealed... (READ MORE) http://www.cc.org/blog/obamacare_still_unpopular_despite_obama039s_sales_pitches * More Hidden (Tax) Gems in ObamaCare Another day, another find within the massive, 2,700-plus page ObamaCare legislation. This one concerns a new program, snuck in the Senate reconciliation bill just two days before the vote, concerning home health care. Via the Washington Times: The health care bill signed into law by President Obama is full of hidden time bombs. One costly provision buried in the lengthy reconciliation bill at the last minute has taxpayers covering long-term at-home care for the elderly. Through the so-called Community Living Assistance Services and Support Act (CLASS Act), Americans will find between $150 and $250 taken out of their paychecks each month to cover this program nobody knew about... (READ MORE) http://www.cc.org/blog/more_hidden_tax_gems_obamacare -<>- >From Patriot Update: AmeriPAC Pink Slip Alert: Fire Congress Petition! CLEAN HOUSE - FIRE CONGRESS - VOTE NOW! Alert: AmeriPAC's national FIRE CONGRESS PETITION campaign is mobilizing voters to support conservative candidates to Stop Obama by electing a Conservative Congress in November and Repeal ObamaCare - Reduce Taxes - Stop Deficit Spending - Balance the Budget - STOP the Cap & Trade Energy Tax and Create Jobs. http://tinyurl.com/2fj356e >From Liberty Counsel: * Post-ObamaCare Congress out of control! I want you to have an advance copy of my special report on ObamaCare's unconstitutionality - in appreciation for your joining over 110,000 citizens who have signed our Statement of Support for this lawsuit. Go here to receive immediate access to the advance copy of my article in USA Today Magazine: http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?U=27242&CID=310&RID=23956676 * Our message to socialist Democrats: "Don't Tread on Me!" I want you to have a free window sticker featuring the symbol of the grassroots, patriotic resistance that has arisen in this nation as my gift when you join us in telling socialist Democrats, "Don't Tread On Me!" - Mat Sign Here... http://www.libertyaction.org/313/petition.asp?Ref_ID=3414&RID=23640765 Thank you and God Bless America. Mat Staver, Founder and Chairman Liberty Counsel -<>- >From GrassFire: As we readied more than 342,423 Cap and Trade petitions for hand-delivery to every Senate office today opposing the massive Climate and Energy tax measure, we learned the measure's unveiling has temporarily been put on hold, as Democrats ponder whether or not it's more politically advantageous to take up immigration reform first. But make no mistake… Cap and Trade tax is not dead. In fact, Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) reiterated his strong commitment to "a sweeping climate and energy measure" this year saying, "The American people deserve better than for the Senate to defer this debate or settle for an energy-only bill that won't get the job done." + + 350,000 Petitions Within Our Reach! Due this announcement, we are postponing hand-delivery of our petitions for just 24-hours - giving us a few extra hours to surpass the 350,000 threshold - maximizing grassroots outrage against this regressive tax! Forward this message to 20-25 friends right now. Urge them to stand against this job-killing, regressive tax that will cost American taxpayers thousands annually by clicking below: Help Stop Al Gore and his Climate Alarmists! Petition Opposing Climate Alarmism http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=27390&PID=16216415 -<>- >From BizarreNews: I am sure everybody has read the bizarre story about how the country's top financial watchdogs at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission spent countless hours gawking at Internet porn as the economy tanked. You would think a body whose primary responsibility is enforcing the federal securities laws and regulating the securities industry, the nation's stock and options ex- changes, and other electronic securities markets in the United States would be more concerned with Goldman Sachs defrauded investors than silicone boobies, but apparently not. The shocking findings include Securities and Exchange Commission senior staffers using government computers to browse for booty and an accountant who tried to access raunchy sites 16,000 times in one month. With those kinds of numbers it's no surprise they don't have any time to waste on securities regulation. But we should hardly be surprised. I just read the most illuminating article about a man named Harry Markopolos. Harry is a financial fraud investigator who, about a decade ago, discovered an unscrupulous fund manager who he claimed was running the biggest scam in history. Starting in 1999 he alerted the SEC repeatedly, both orally and in writing, and was repeatedly ignored. As it turns out, that fund manager was Bernie Madoff, creator of the largest Ponzi scheme ever, who swindled about $65 billion out of unsuspecting investors. They don't even do their jobs when somebody else is doing their job for them! With a track record like that you have to wonder what the guys (and girls) at the SEC do at all! Well, surf for porn, I guess. -- Neighbors complain of donkey smells ----------- GURGAON, India - A retired British couple in India say they are being persecuted by neighbors complaining about the donkey sanctuary they created at their home. Residents of Gurgaon said Bob Harrison, 67, and his wife, Jean, 69, are harming their neighborhood with the smells and sounds from the donkeys on their property, The Daily Telegraph (Britain) reported Thursday. "The neighbors have complained to the municipal commissioner about the noise and the smell and they say it's attracting the pigs. But there is a leaking sewage pipe at the back of the houses and the pigs love it," Bob Harrison said. The Harrisons, who said they are trying to find new homes for the four donkeys on their property before they vacation in Britain for the summer, said they believe their neighbors are persecuting them for being British. The municipal commissioner's office said it is offering the Harrisons a nearby plot of land to build a new donkey shelter away from their neighbors. -- $62,000 taken in 'curse' scam -------------- CHICAGO - Authorities in Illinois are searching for two women charged with stealing a woman's money under the pretense of cleansing it of evil spirits. Cook County authorities indicted Laura Santini, 61, and her daughter, Rosann, 35, on felony theft charges this week for scamming a Park Ridge woman out of $62,000, the Chicago Tribune reported Thursday. "They basically were able to convince the victim that some money she had gotten was cursed money and that somehow that curse had transferred to other money that she had," Chicago police Detective Milorad Sofrenovic said. "They told her that in order to be able to remove this curse, they needed to take this money physically to a shrine in Indiana and with prayers drive the curse from the money." Sofrenovic said the woman realized she had been scammed when she saw a "for rent" sign on the women's Chicago home. He said the women have not been seen in more than a year. -- Man racks up 298 nude rollercoaster rides -------- ALTON, England - A British man who raised money for charity by taking a roller coaster ride in the nude said it was his 298th thrill ride in the buff. Richard Jones, 27, of Church- down, England, a lifelong roller coaster fan, said his recent nude ride on the Nemesis coaster at England's Alton Towers marked the 298th time he has taken off his clothes and gone for a roller coaster ride for charity, The Sun reported. Jones said his rides have included coasters across Europe and North America, including his favorite, the Top Thrill Dragster at Ohio's Cedar Point amusement park. "Ever since I was 4 I have been hooked on roller coasters. It's an escape from time because it takes you somewhere you don't normally go," Jones said. "Hurtling along at 80 mph also gets the adrenaline going. Doing it naked is a lot more difficult because it does get very cold." Jones said he participated in the Mary 2004 Guinness World Record for largest naked roller coaster ride with 112 fellow nude riders on the Nemesis coaster. --- ...a great reason to always carry wipes with you! Who wants to sit where these nudes have been without a good wipe down? -- Woman charged with breast milk assault --------- OWENSBORO, Ky. - Police in Kentucky said a woman arrested for public intoxication faces an additional charge for squirting breast milk on a deputy at the jail. Daviess County sheriff's deputies said Toni Tramel, 31, of Owensboro, was arrested Thursday on a misdemeanor count of public intoxication and while changing into a jail uniform she allegedly sprayed a stream of breast milk into the face of a female deputy, WYMT-TV, Hazard, Ky., reported. The sheriff's office said the deputy went through a biohazard decontamination process and Tramel was booked on an additional charge of third degree assault on a police officer, a felony. She was being held in lieu of $10,000 bail. --- ...Just when you thought you'd heard it all - biohazard? ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) , ----. - - ` ,__.,' \ .' *` ~"Commonplace"~ / | | / **\ . / ****. | mm | ****| \ | ****| ` ._______ \ ****/ \ /`---' \___( /~~~~\ / \ / | \ | | \ , ~~ . |, ~~ . | |\ ( |||| ) ( |||| )(,,,)` ( |||||| )-( |||||| ) | ^ ( |||||| ) ( |||||| ) |'/ ( |||||| )-( |||||| )___,'- ( |||| ) ( |||| ) ` ~~ ' ` ~~ ' "A commonplace life," we say, with a sigh, in a commonplace way, And the commonplace Sun, in a commonplace Sky. makes up the commonplace day: The moon and stars are but commonplace things. The flowers that bloom,and the birds that sing: But dark be the World, and sad our Lot, If the flowers failed, and the sun shone not: O`, but, GOD, who studies each, separate Soul, And out of the commonplace lives HE molds, And make HIS Beauty Uncommonly Bold! I~Give~HIM~Praise~~~John-Paul --- ...Forever and ever! Thanks John-Paul! ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) ,___. |-----| ============ / | OO ~\ ( ) 0 ) \_/-, ,-//-\\ ==== ||| | || -_/| | ||_ (____)) W< >Southen-ism's: Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and aconniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc.., make up "a mess." Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly." Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20 Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody! Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural. Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart".. and go your own way. To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wishs they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could! --- ...LOL! Thanks Wesley! =============================================================== >-->From TheMouthPiece: .------------------------. | PSYCHIATRIC | | HELP 5˘ | |________________________| || .-"""--. || || / \.-. || || | ._, \ || || \_/`-' '-.,_/ || || (_ (' _)') \ || || /| |\ || || | \ __ / | || || \_).,_____,/}/ || __||____;_--'___'/ ( || |\ || (__,\\ \_/------|| ||\||______________________|| |||| | |||| THE DOCTOR | \||| IS [IN] _____| \|| (______) jgs `|___________________//||\\ //=||=\\ >SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS * Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. * Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. * Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings... they did it by killing all those who opposed them. * A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. * If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation. * Teamwork means never having to take all the blame your- self. * We waste time, so you don't have to. * Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. * A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all. ** ~ Succeed in spite of management. ** ~ Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment. * We waste more time by 9:30 in the morning than other companies do all day. * You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you. * Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore. -<>- _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot, and go out with a bang, because as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory, and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna ;) >Meet For Dinner? .:, ______ , , ) \_ \ /, )___ \ ___/ -. _ - ) \ \ M;) /M) /` ( / | _ ( _ ) , \ \_) , : ) / ( .____ C\ ; \ __ \ \/ ) )/ ) \,___ ___ / ___ __; _ X \, ( /. X. ' XV ,\ \ ./, Xx YXX. :|:,, \`| _ XXXX. ,XXXXA \ , ., \/ /\ZXXXXZSxcSZXXXXSt \.i :,.. / /,,jSXXXXV 'XXXSXf, \ :\ .: , / \ |i .,__- .,;;,:ittII+. .:+++iii, / _ __ +RBBBB\ )WBBBR+ / _ ) .;;iii. ,;;,:ittII+,M( ., \ +RBBBBVBBBBBR+ |. / ::;t;;yii ::;t;;iii. .,:;;,+..,.| \ VBBBBBBBBBBR+ \ __\_.,;, lfr. itVtIII :i; \ ,| XNBBBBRZRXBR( \/ , +x , +;;t:Yit ., _/__ / WKBBBBRXZSRBRi ,..,:::;. .. \/ AWNBBRSYEXYZXRa b'ger A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there were drop-dead handsome. At 50 yrs. of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also. At 60 yrs. of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and it had a beautiful view of the ocean. At 70 yrs. of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator. At 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before. --- ...LOL! Now that was a nice twist for an ending! Thanks Johanna! ================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: As a high school football coach, I'm know that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports. Bob, a fellow coach, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night. When his wife informed the kid that Bob wasn't home, he became frantic and said he had to speak to the coach right away. "Just calm down, and I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home," the coach's wife told him. "What's your number?" The flustered kid replied, "Three." -<>- I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on: "If you have been waiting longer than ten minutes, you may press eight. This will not speed up your call, but it will give you something to do while you wait." -<>- A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?" The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My ex-wife." replied the hunter. -<>- _.._ / a\__, \ -.___/ \ \ (\____) \ |\_( )) _____| (_ /________ _\____(______/__ gnv ______ Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?" "I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough." -<>- The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone." -<>- The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "do you have any experience in picking lemons?" "Well... as a matter if fact, Yes !" she replied. "I've been divorced three times." -<>- My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a group of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his property. As soon as they were out of sight, and walking towrds the beach, the locksmith picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back inside and relocked the car. -<>- ((),). ))) 6(6 ((c` _e/ )))'( ((( , \ )\ \ _o___,- ( )\.__,-._\ / -/ \ |( ___( /_)\ \ _____ _____ '.__,' \_\ - joris Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," one friend says. "How so?" his friend asks. "Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me." "Was that not love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was obsession. And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me." "Was that love?" "No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach." "Was that love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was seasickness." ============================================================ >-->From TheJokester: : ::: ::::: _:::::::_ _| say cheese 0_] /\ >Sure-Fire Signs There's Trouble On The Job 1) The new policy on sexual harassment includes your photo. 2) The Security guard makes a complete inventory of your work area. 3) Your assistant starts responding to your memos with, "Yeah, whatever." 4) You've got a "It's for you loser" sound when you receive email. 5) Your new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-18 last weekend. 6) The Human Resources Dept requests an update of your arrest record. 7) Your boss asks if you still have a copy of your five-year contract. 8) You notice your co-workers measuring your cubicle when you arrive at work. 9) Your parking space is moved next to the Dumpster. 10) Your secretary says things like, "Get the phone, my nails aren't dry." 11) The receptionist asks "Who?" when anyone calls on you. -<>- >Job Application (What it really means) I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of coffee breaks. I DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do. I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office. I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies. I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes. I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly. I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better. I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer. I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot. I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk. I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there. I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I'm a college drop-out. =============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` I was invited by a friend, to have dinner with his family and several other guests, last Sunday. At the table, the mother, his wife, turned to her sweet six-year- old daughter and said, "Honey, would you like to say the blessing?" The little girl whispered shyly, "I wouldn't know what to say." The mother smiled and instructed, "Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie." Her daughter took a deep breath, and as we all bowed our heads, she solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the heck did I invite all these people to dinner?!" -<>- ((('))) (((o o))) (((( u )))) ((((\-/)))) __,H,__ / \_/ \ || * || || * || 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" WW * WW / \ /_______\ || || _|| ||_ (__| |__) mh 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that has a 1-800 number. 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Your bumper sticker says: How's my driving? (call) 1-800-BITE-ME 8. You can't believe those extra 25 pounds you've gained isn’t water weight. 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The Tylenol bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. -<>- Q: How many crime writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but he has to give it a good twist at the end. -<>- Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears." "How much do you charge?" "Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor. "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist. "Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!" "Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!" -<>- |><|~|><| /(((9)))\ //) -_- (\\ (((( ._. )))) ))))---(((( ((((`---')))) (___|xXxXx|___) \ | | / / ^ ^ ^ \ / \ (_._._._._._) \ | / ( | ) | | | hjw |-|-| /`-^-'\ (__,^.__) >Kid Wisdom Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, Age 10 When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. Matthew, Age 12 Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. Andrew, Age 9 Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. Rocky, Age 9 Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. Stephanie, Age 8 Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Rosemary, Age 7 Don't flush the john when you dad is in the shower. Lamar, Age 10 Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. Carrol, Age 9 Never bug a pregnant mom. Nicholas, Age 11 When your dad is mad and asks you, Do I look stupid? don't answer him. Heather, Age 16 Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, Age 14 Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel, Age 12 When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. Alyesha, Age 13 ================================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: ___________ .;---------./| // S O A P // | |'---------'| / jgs | | / '-----------'` >The Soap Maker A minister and a soap maker went for a walk together. The soap maker said, "what good is religion? Look at all the trouble and misery of the world! Still there, even after years--thousands of years--of teaching about goodness and truth and peace. Still there, after all the prayers and sermons and teachings. If religion is good and true, why should this be?" The minister said nothing. They continued walking until he noticed a child playing in the gutter. Then the rabbi said, "Look at that child. You say that soap makes people clean, but see the dirt on that youngster. Of what good is soap? With all the soap in the world, over all these years, the child is still filthy. I wonder how effective soap is, after all!" The soap maker protested. "But, Pastor, soap cannot do any good unless it is used!" "Exactly!" replied the minister. === From: Oak Tree Church This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian Humor and a Modern- Day Parable by email drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or to ajokeaday7-subscribe@topica.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends or post on the web. -<>- Worth Repeating..... To have God in our life, doesn't mean saling on a boat with no storms, it means having a boat that no storm can sink! -- Author Unknown -<>- >Death .--. .-, .-..-.__ .'(`.-` \_.-'-./` |\_( "\__ __.>\ '; _;---,._| / __/`'--) /.--. : |/' _.--.<| / | | _..-' `\ /' /` /_/ _/_/ >_.-``-. `Y /' _;---.`|/)))) '` .-''. \|: \.' __, .-'"` .'--._ `-: \/: /' '.\ _|_ /.'`\ :; /' `- `-|-` -` | | | :.; : | .-'~^~`-. |: | .' _ _ `. |:. | | |_) | |_) | :. : | | | \ | | | .jgs. : ; | | -."-/\\\/:::. `\."-._'."-"_\\-| |///."- " -."-.\\"-."//.-".`-."_\\-.".-\\`=.........=`//-". Death haunts humankind. Poets, philosophers, and othe writers throughout the ages have sought to explain, understand, and cope with death. Ernest Hemingway, the famous author, was obsessed with the reality of death. His father, an intellectual, had killed himself when Hemingway was a young man. As a result, Hemingway wanted to demonstrate to all humanity that he feared neither life nor death. Ironically, when he was sixty-one years old, he committed suicide in a moment of rage and human weakness. The Bible recognizes the inevitability of physical death. In Hebrews 9:27 we read, "Man is destined to die." In a sense, everyone is terminally ill. Unless Christ returns in our lifetime, our pilgrimage through this world will end in death. Longfellow succinctly observed, "The young may die, and the old must." Physically death is the most stubborn and persistent enemy of humanity. But it is not the most dangerous foe. The Bible distinguishes between physical death (which everyone eventually faces) and spiritual death (which everyone initially experiences). Death basically means separation from something or someone. It implies loneliness. A person begins life separated from God and spiritually dead because of his or her [human] sin. Sartre, the famous French existential philosopher, accurately observed, "Man is alone." Apart from a personal relationship with God and commitment to Him, every human being is spiritually dead and very much alone. The Bible also mentions eternal death or "the second death" (Revelation 20:14). This is eternal, irreversible separation from God. Anyone who refuses to commit one's life to Jesus Christ during his or her lifetime here on earth will experience this eternal death. Physical death clearly is not the end of our existence. The question is where you and I will spend eternity--in heaven or hell? There is no other option. The reality of death and hell should motivate Christians to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the unconverted. Approximately one-quarter million people die each day around the world. Most pass into a Christ-less eternity. History frequently records their agonizing last words when they realize that by rejecting Christ they are left without hope. Francois Voltaire, the noted French philosopher, once stated, "In twenty years, Christianity will be no more. My single hand shall destroy the edifice it took twelve apostles to rear." Yet when he faced death he cried, "I am abandoned by God and man!" Voltaire's doctor expressed astonishment at the emotional torment his patient experienced before passing into eternity. In contrast, the great evangelist John Wesley declared on his deathbed, "The best of all is, God is with me!" He finished his pilgrimage satisfied and content to be in the presence of his Lord. Death need not haunt us as Christians. If we have committed our lives to Jesus Christ, we have a glorious future awaiting us beyond death's door. Luis Palau, habits@palau.org By way of 'Thought & Humor' To subscribe please send a blank e-mail to: the_e_mail_newspaper-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ================================================================= >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Bucky And The Beagle http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/visitor.html High Tech Toys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html Flower Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerart.html One Of Those Days http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html Look who's Talking Too http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking2.html World's Largest Holes http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/holes.html -<>- >From Our Friend Sandi :) Ten Life Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetips.html --- ...Thanks for this sweet reminder Sandi! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) We've All Been There! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catbox.html --- ...A funny reminder! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) 50 free family tree templates http://tinyurl.com/yf6who9 Free printable business forms http://tinyurl.com/28fp3qh 20 years in orbit - hubbel http://tinyurl.com/2u632ot Time photos from above http://tinyurl.com/2ddjwb6 Current ben & jerry's games http://tinyurl.com/3yx7sg9 Ben & jerry's fun http://tinyurl.com/29v9mnx --- ...TeeHee! Good Ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Cell Phone http://www.buffaloschips.com/1237.htm Chick Em http://www.buffaloschips.com/1238.htm Child Proof Drawer http://www.buffaloschips.com/1239.htm Children Fire Alarms http://www.buffaloschips.com/12310.htm Nugget http://www.buffaloschips.com/41238.htm Ouch http://www.buffaloschips.com/41239.htm Oh My http://www.buffaloschips.com/41240.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The White House is mad at the New York Times because they broke the story that the White House is secretly tracking our banking transactions. They're looking out for when people suddenly withdraw large amounts of cash. You know, either terrorists or people who need to fill up their SUV." --Jay Leno "The Census Bureau reported that Las Vegas is about to pass Washington, D.C. in population. Of course, there's a huge difference Vegas and Washington. See, in Las Vegas, people gamble with their own money." --Jay Leno "Today was the first day of New York City pools being opened up...and the first 100 swimmers got a free hepatitis shot." --Dave Letterman "It's said that World Cup soccer fans in Germany are drinking 17 pints of beer per day. Apparently after 17 beers soccer finally becomes interesting." --Conan O'Brien "In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war on obesity, doesn't it? It's over! Apparently we sur- rendered!" --Jay Leno "Here's something new in law enforcement. In L.A. they are using unmanned drones flying over the city to fight crime. So far the drones are a success. Only two have been shot down by motorists." --Dave Letterman The clearest indication of the complexity of modern relation- ships is the greeting cards that are blank on the inside. It's like the card company says, "We give up, you think of something. For seventy-five cents it's not worth us getting involved. --Jerry Seinfeld Common sense is in spite of, not as the result of education. -- Victor Hugo Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit. -- Phyllis Diller >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************