Men and Women's Rules... :) Shangy!
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This first super scorching new page is from our friends PatDeE
and LouiseA. Most pet owners have to be careful not to
accidentally sit or step on their pets, but the owners of
these pets have to be extra careful! Give it time to load and
Find out why by clicking the below link. Sound On:
o (\,,_.
\\) `.-' Da wird doch der
.) )=o Hund in der Pfanne
_____))\\____ verrückt!
\___________/========== kOs
Pets In Camouflage!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petshiding.html
---
...This is so cute! Thank You PatDeE and LouiseA!
This next hot new page is from Our friends Linda and LouiseA.
It's a perfect brainstorming source for today's hermits. It will
have you blinking and rechecking if what you are viewing is really
there or not. Be sure to check out the video for more camouflage
illusion fun - it's a hoot. Check this one out here...
,;;;,
;;;;;;;
.-'`\, '/_
.' \ ("`(_)
/ `-,.'\ \_/
\ \/\ `--`
\ \ \
/ /| |
/_/ |_|
jgs ( _\ ( _\ #:## #:## #:## #:##
#:## #:## #:##
Buildings In Camouflage!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingshiding.html
---
...Most interesting and fun! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
Trouble With The Wife
.-""""""""""-.
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. |`-.________.-'|
On his face was the saddest hangdog | |
expression. The bartender asked, /| _____|_
"What's the matter? Are you having | '. / \ \
troubles with your wife?" | _\ ~^~^\__/____/
| / | / \ \
The man said, "We had a fight, and \.\__/ 0 \__/______/
she told me that she wasn't going to ; o / \ \
speak to me for a month." \ o \__/____/
\ O / \ \
The bartender said, "That should make \o \__/___.'
you happy." \ o /
\ 0 /
The man said, "No, the month is up |'`|
today!" jgs ___| |___
/__________\
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, having left the pub a wee
bit late one night, found themselves on the road which led past
the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's
grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.
Good blood, those O'Grady's!"
"That's nothing," says Sean. "Here's one named Patrick O'Toole,
it says here that he was 95 when he died. Aye, those O'Tooles
are a hardy bunch, they are!"
Just then, Shamus yells out, "Forget him, here's a fella that
lived to be 145 years old!"
"What was his name?" ask Paddy & Sean.
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what
else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, to
Dublin!"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 10 is National S'mores Day
August 11 is Presidential Joke Day and Son and Daughter Day
August 12 is Middle Child's Day
August 13 is Left Hander's Day
August 14 is National Creamsicle Day and is 14/15 V-J Day - which
date do you mark the end of WWII?
August 15 is Relaxation Day
August 16 is National Tell a Joke Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
\_/
--(_)-- .
/ \ /_\
|Q|
.-----' '-----. __
/____[SCHOOL]___\ ()))
| [] .-.-. [] | (((())
..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb
>First Day of School
When he was five, my grandson could hardly wait for his first day of
school.
That morning, he waited anxiously with his mother for the bus to
arrive, then started up the steps as soon as the bus pulled up and the
doors opened.
With tears in her eyes, his mother said, "What about a kiss?"
The young man stopped, retraced a few steps, then promptly kissed the
bus driver before he took a seat.
-<>-
>Pick Up Your Toys
Karl listened from the other room as his wife Holly patiently said to
their five-year-old, "Please pick up your toys, Maureen."
After a few minutes, Holly again reminded their daughter.
Finally Holly asked, "Why aren't you picking your things up?"
Karl rolled his eyes when he heard Maureen answer, "I'm playing house
and I'm the dad, so I don't know where anything goes."
-<>-
>School Bus
It was the first day of school after summer vacation and time for me to
pick up the children in my school bus and take them home again.
After I had made the complete run that afternoon, one little boy
remained on the bus.
Thinking he had simply missed his stop, I started driving slowly back
through the neighborhood and asked him to be sure to let me know if any
of the houses or people looked familiar. The boy sat in his seat
contentedly and shook his head whenever I asked him if he recognized a
person or place.
After the second unsuccessful tour of the area, I started back to the
school to ask for his address. When we arrived, the child got off the
bus and started walking away.
"Wait!" I called. "We have to go inside and find out where you live."
"I live right there," he said, pointing to a house across the street.
"I just always wanted to ride in a school bus."
-<>-
>Sidewalks
For years my husband and I had complained bitterly about the lack of
sidewalks in our small town, observing often that if only we had
sidewalks, we would walk daily and become models of fitness.
So we were thrilled when a community sidewalk project was announced,
and watched eagerly as paving neared completion.
Then wishful thinking and reality collided. "Well, dear," my husband
said, "What'll we use as an excuse for not walking now?
-<>-
>Social Skills
Our catering manager lacks certain social skills ... like knowing when
to keep her mouth shut.
While discussing a baby christening party with a young couple, she told
the mother, "You look like you've lost most of your pregnancy weight."
"Thanks," came the clenched-teeth reply. "We adopted."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
__ ___ / /
___( (\_( ) )/ /
|\___` \\_\/_/_/_\
| | ____/\_\`._._...^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\
| ||\__/ '_\ \`_._\.; \_\ |\\)\)\| \
\|| | | | | | | \ \ \|-\\ \ | \
|| | |^| | | | \ __ \
\ | | | | \ \)\\) \ \_\ |\|\\|\
\|ejm__| |____| \ \)\\\ \ \ \|/|-\| \
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>The Gift...
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking
for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long
term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to
retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn
spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss
of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make
your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA
batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible
way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF G. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, brain nowhere to be found,
with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and
tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never
heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
flopping all over the living room.
Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of
caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You
will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and chest were all still twitching.
.My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
.I had no control over the drooling.
.Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know
for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
.I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came
from my hair.
I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward
for their safe return!
PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and
now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
---
...LOL! A great classic!
=========================================================
>-->Smiles From Our Friend Fran :)
_____
| D
| |
| |
\___| _
|| _______ -( (-
|_'(-------) '-'
| /
_____,-\__..__|_____Pr59
One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the toilet to
return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously
rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her.
She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further
sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she
took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze,
not breathing.
Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from
the bathroom. This time the noise was accompanied by something
touching the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She
literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a
couple feet, to land screaming by my side. The culprit was right
there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path
from bed to the bathroom.
-<>-
During court one busy day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note
reading: "Blind on right side, may be falling. Please call someone."
Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before whispering to
the judge that paramedics were on their way. Puzzled, the judge
pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room and
explained, "I was thinking maybe someone from maintenance!"
-<>-
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc
asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left
it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange
how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it
didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc
answered, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just
put on a few pounds, Matt."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since
the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease."
Alarmed, Matt asked, "Is it serious Doc?'
"Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when
your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."
-<>-
>Happiness is...
Taking in all the wonders of life --
Its joys,
Its sorrows,
Its sunshine,
Its smiles --
Learning from the experiences
each one brings you,
And then, from a caring heart,
Giving them all away again.
- Author Unknown
---
...Lots of smiles here! Thanks Fran!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
Kevin Spacey...I mean...Kenzo Roberts did not, I repeat;
not want to be identified when he was pulled over by
police while driving a stolen Mercedes in Florida.
After detectives from the Lee County Sheriff's Office
pulled over the 20-year-old, they found Roberts using
a fake identification. He was also in possession of a
concealed firearm and he had 3 fraudulent credit cards.
He was placed in a patrol car, but his hands were not
secured, giving him the opportunity to try and chew his
own fingertips off.
Surveillance video from the police car shows Roberts
rubbing his finger in the cage before eating pieces of
his skin in an effort to remove his fingerprints.
However, his efforts were unsuccessful. The Lee County
Sheriff's Office learned that Roberts has two felony
warrants for his arrest for aggravated assault with a
deadly weapon.
And yes, the story is real. Please trust me when I tell
you not to look for the video online.
*-- Hitchhiking robot's journey ends with Philadelphia mugging --*
PHILADELPHIA - The Canadian researchers behind the
"hitchBOT" hitchhiking robot said a planned Boston-San
Francisco voyage ended prematurely in Philadelphia. The
hitchBOT team said the robot, which previously hitchhiked
across Canada for 19 days last summer and also had a
successful hitchhiking experience in Europe, said they
received a photo Saturday night of the robot dismantled
and damaged in Philadelphia. "We have no interest in
pressing charges or finding the people who vandalized
hitchBOT; we wish to remember the good times, and we
encourage hitchBOT's friends and fans to do the same,"
the robot's creators said on their website. Frauke Zeller,
a professor at Ryerson University in Toronto and co-creator
of Hitchbot, said the culprit narrowly evaded being
photographed by the robot's timed camera. "It didn't take
any pictures unfortunately of the culprits," Zeller told
The Guardian. "They were lucky because it takes images
every 20 minutes so it must have been in-between that
interval." The robot's camera was designed to send pictures
back to its support team, which posted the photos on
Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. The team pledged hitchBOT
will return. "My trip must come to an end for now, but my
love for humans will never fade," hitchBOT tweeted.
*-- Woman, 110, drank three Miller High Lifes a day for 70
years --*
ENGLEWOOD, N.J. - A New Jersey woman marking her 110th
birthday said a doctor's orders led her to drink three
Miller High Life beers and a shot of scotch every day for
70 years. Agnes Fenton of Englewood, who officially became
a supercentenarian Saturday, credited God with helping her
to reach her advanced age. "When I was 100 years old, I
went to the mirror to thank God that I was still here.
And I thank him every morning," Fenton told The Record
newspaper. "He gave me a long life and a good life, and I
have nothing to complain about. ... You've got to have God
in your life. Without God, you've got nothing." Fenton was
interviewed by ABC News around her 105th birthday, and she
said some advice she received from her doctor about 70
years earlier had been invaluable. "He said, 'Agnes, you
must drink three Miller High Lifes a day,'" she said.
Fenton said she dutifully downed three of the beers with
a shot of scotch each day until recently, when nurses said
her limited diet wouldn't allow her to keep drinking. She
said her scotch of choice was top-shelf: Johnny Walker
Blue Label. "Each of our centenarians has their different
secrets," said Stacy Andersen, a project manager with the
New England Centenarian Study. "If Agnes feels hers is
alcohol, maybe it is, but certainly we don't find that to
be consistent across all our centenarians."
---
...Sounds like my grandma :)
*-- Man allegedly takes drunken drive onto active News Orleans
runway --*
NEW ORLEANS - A 23-year-old man is accused of driving his
sportscar through a fence and onto an active runway in New
Orleans before being arrested for drunk driving Wednesday,
law enforcement said. Police say the man drove a blue
Dodge Challenger through a fence at about noon local time,
drove across a runway at Louis Armstrong International
Airport and plowed through another fence. Officials said
the suspect, Kaleb Clement, was later captured hiding
behind an air conditioning unit at a nearby auto shop
after leading police on a brief chase. No one was hurt
in the incident, but investigators said Clement had been
driving under the influence, The (New Orleans) Times
Picayune reported. Clement was arrested and booked on
suspicion of DUI and hit-and-run. Although the driver got
onto an active runway, officials at the airport said no
flights were disrupted. The New Orleans Advocate reported
Clement has marijuana-related probation violations on his
record and a domestic battery charge that was ultimately
dropped.
*-- Police: Motorist brought sheep along for McDonald's run --*
LEEMING BAR, England - A British motorist pulled over for
driving with bald tires told police the sheep in the back
of his car was just along for the ride to McDonald's. The
North Yorkshire Police Roads Policing Group, which shared
a picture of the car and its wooly passenger on Twitter,
said the motorist was pulled over Wednesday evening when
an officer noticed two of its tires were completely bald.
The officer soon discovered there was a sheep in the back
of the car. "Ewe have got to be kidding," the police tweet
read. A police spokesman told the Northern Echo the
motorist explained he had just taken the sheep with him
for a quick trip to the McDonald's in Leeming Bar. "Some
people take their dogs in their cars, I take my sheep,"
the man was quoted as saying to the officer. A follow-up
tweet indicated the officer did not necessarily approve
of the motorist's meal choice. "[The motorist] allegedly
had just been through the 'Golden Arches,' drive through,"
the tweet said, using the apparently judgmental hashtag
"#otherfastfoodisavailable." A police spokesman quipped
the department would have liked to have gotten a clearer
photo of the spectacle. "We have no other information
apart from what the officer tweeted. Although we might
equip our officers with better high-definition cameras,"
the spokesman told The Guardian.
=========================================================
>-->From our Friend PatDeE :)
. ..
__..---/______//-----. (( )
.".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! ))
(.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= )
*--* *--* jnh
>*The Ultimate Car Trivia Test!*
*Q: What was the first official White House car?*
*A: A 1909 White Steamer, ordered by President Taft.*
*Q: Who opened the first drive-in gas station?*
*A: Gulf opened up the first station in Pittsburgh in 1913.*
*Q: What city was the first to use parking meters?*
*A: Oklahoma City , on July 16, 1935.*
*Q: Where was the first drive-in restaurant?*
*A: Royce Hailey's Pig Stand opened in Dallas in 1921.*
*Q: True or False? The 1953 Corvette came in white, red
and black.*
*A: False. The 1953 'Vett's were available in one color,
Polo White.*
*Q: What was Ford's answer to the Chevy Corvette, and other
legal street racers of the 1960's?*
*A: Carroll Shelby's Mustang GT350.*
*Q: What was the first car fitted with an alternator, rather
than a direct current dynamo?*
*A: The 1960 Plymouth Valiant*
*Q: What was the first car fitted with a replaceable cartridge
oil filter?*
*A: The 1924 Chrysler.*
*Q: What was the first car to be offered with a "perpetual
guarantee"?*
*A: The 1904 Acme, from Reading , PA. Perpetuity was disturbing
in this case, as Acme closed down in 1911.*
*Q: What American luxury automaker began by making cages for
birds and squirrels?*
*A: The George N. Pierce Co. of Buffalo , who made the Pierce Arrow,
also made iceboxes.*
*Q: What car first referred to itself as a convertible?*
*A: The 1904 Thomas Flyer, which had a removable hard top.*
*Q: What car was the first to have it's radio antenna embedded
in the windshield?*
*A: The 1969 Pontiac Grand Prix.*
*Q: What car used the first successful series-production hydraulic
valve lifters?*
*A: The 1930 Cadillac 452, the first production V16*
*Q: Where was the World's first three-color traffic lights
installed?*
*A: Detroit, Michigan in 1919. Two years later they experimented
with synchronized lights.*
*Q: What type of car had the distinction of being GM's 100 millionth
car built in the U.S. ?*
*A: March 16, 1966 saw an Olds Tornado roll out of Lansing, Michigan
with that honor.*
*Q: Where was the first drive-in movie theater opened, and when?*
*A: Camden, NJ in 1933*
*Q: What autos were the first to use a standardized production
key-start system?*
*A: The 1949 Chryslers*
*Q: What did the Olds designation 4-4-2 stand for?*
*A: 4 barrel carburetor, 4 speed transmission, and dual exhaust.*
*Q: What car was the first to place the horn button in the center
of the steering wheel?*
*A: The 1915 Scripps-Booth Model C. The car also was the first with
electric door latches.*
*Q: What U.S. production car has the quickest 0-60 mph time?*
*A: The 1962 Chevrolet Impala SS 409. Did it in 4.0 seconds.*
*Q: What's the only car to appear simultaneously on the covers of
Time and Newsweek?*
*A: The Mustang*
*Q: What was the lowest priced mass produced American car?*
*A: The 1925 Ford Model T Runabout. Cost $260, $5 less than 1924.*
*Q: What is the fastest internal-combustion American production
car?*
*A: The 1998 Dodge Viper GETS-R, tested by Motor Trend magazine
at 192.6 mph.*
*Q: What automaker's first logo incorporated the Star of David?*
*A: The Dodge Brothers.*
*Q: Who wrote to Henry Ford, "I have drove
fords exclusively when I could get away with
one It has got every other car skinned, and
even if my business hasn't been strictly
legal it don't hurt anything to tell you
what a fine car you got in the V-8"?*
*A: Clyde Barrow (of Bonnie and Clyde ) in 1934.*
*Q: What car was the first production V12, as well as the first
production car with aluminum pistons?*
*A: The 1915 Packard Twin-Six. Used during WWI in Italy,
these motors inspired Enzi Ferrari to adopt the V12 himself
in 1948.*
*Q: What was the first car to use power operated seats?*
*A: They were first used on the 1947 Packard line.*
*Q: Which of the Chrysler "letter cars" sold the fewest amount?*
*A: Only 400, 1963, 300J's were sold (they skipped" "I" because
it looked like a number 1)*
*Q: What car company was originally known as Swallow Sidecars
(aka SS)?*
*A: Jaguar, which was an SS model first in 1935, and ultimately
the whole company by 1945.*
*Q: What car delivered the first production V12 engine?*
*A: The cylinder wars were kicked off in 1915 after Packard's
chief engineer, Col. Jesse Vincent, introduced its Twin-Six.*
*Q: When were seat belts first fitted to a motor vehicle?*
*A: In 1902, in a Baker Electric streamliner racer which crashed
at 100 mph. on Staten Island!
*Q: In January 1930, Cadillac debuted it's V16 in a car named for
a theatrical version of a 1920's film seen by Harley Earl while
designing the body, What's that name?*
*A: The "Madam X", a custom coach designed by Earl and built by
Fleetwood. The sedan featured a retractable landau top above the
rear seat.*
*Q: Which car company started out German, yet became French after
WWI?*
*A: Bugati, founded in Molsheim in 1909, became French when Alsace
returned to French rule.*
*Q: In what model year did Cadillac introduce the first electric
sunroof?*
*A: 1969*
*Q: What U.S. production car had the largest 4 cylinder engine?*
*A: The 1907 Thomas sported a 571 cu. in. (9.2liter) engine.*
*Q: What car was reportedly designed on the
back of a Northwest Airlines airsickness bag
and released on April Fool's Day, 1970?*
*A: 1970 Gremlin, (AMC)*
*Q: What is the Spirit of Ecstasy? *
*A: The official name of the mascot of Rolls Royce, she is the lady
on top of their radiators.*
*Q: What was the inspiration for MG's famed octagon-shaped badge?*
*A: The shape of founder Cecil Kimber's dining table. MG stands
for Morris Garages.*
*Q: In what year did the "double-R" Rolls Royce badge change from
red to black?*
*A: 1933*
*Trivia...Ford, who made the first pick-up
trucks, shipped them to dealers in crates
that the new owners had to assemble using the
crates as the beds of the trucks. The new
owners had to go to the dealers to get them,
thus they had to "pick-up" the trucks.*
---
...Wowsers! Thanks PatDeE!
Good thing they have the answer right after the question
as I didn't even have a guess for most of these!
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
|\___/|
/ \
| /\__/|
||\ <.><.>
| _ > )
\ /----
| -\/
/ \
Artist Unknown
>Cowboy and the devil
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation
was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly
in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's
ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old cowboy.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of
me?'
The old cowboy calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48
years. '
---
...LOL! Thanks Bunni!
========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
\\\
____ ________```
\ =|- [________] \
| =| | _ | | \ __
ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__)
/|\
(/(|(\
My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate
unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill,
however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her.
She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven
items.
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded
to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two
dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes
of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
-<>-
Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded
the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant
and transmission fluid. Sure enough, the car overheated.
Scolding myself for not listening to my father's instructions,
I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil
cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and
the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi.
-<>-
>Some of the best Norm Peterson quotes from "Cheers":
"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."
"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're
demanding beer."
"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."
"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of
whatever comes out of the tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."
"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."
"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy
ending."
"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."
"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"
"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."
"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."
"Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts."
"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."
"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk Bone
underwear."
"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."
"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."
-<>-
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the
letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing
him about it.
To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice
at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting
the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher
asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his classmates - many of them already
laughing at him - then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the
side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."
-<>-
Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were
Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.
Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody
was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done
it, but Nobody did it.
When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was
Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody
realized that Nobody would do it.
So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did
what Anybody could have done in the first place.
-<>-
Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck
hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out
to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was
really good. But after several hours of thrashing through
the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've
been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do
you think we're doing something wrong?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing
the dog high enough."
=========================================================
>-->SMILES From Our Friend Karen :)
_.._
.-" "-.
/ ,- -. \
: ' o o ` ;
; . , :
: :-.__.-: ;
\ :_: :_: /
bug `-._ _.-'
""
>POEM FOR COMPUTER USERS OVER 40
A computer was something on TV
From a Science Fiction show of note.
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the father of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
and gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.
A Memory was something that you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account.
And if you had a 3 inch floppy -
You hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped in public
You'd be in jail for awhile.
Log on was adding wood to the fire.
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
And a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue.
A web was a spider's home.
And virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick with my pad and paper
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
-<>-
>WARNING!
Don't wash your hair in the shower
It's so good to finally get a health
warning that is useful!!!
IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO THAT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN
YOU SHOWER WITH IT. WARNING TO US ALL!!!
I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!
I use shampoo in the shower!
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole
body, and Printed very clearly on the shampoo label
is this warning:
"FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."
No wonder I have been gaining weight!!@!#!
Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going
to start showering with Dawn dish soap instead.
Its label reads:
"DISSOLVES GREASE AND FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE
DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.”
Problem solved!
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that
genius has its limits"
- Albert Einstein
-<>-
>Did you hear about the guy in Paris
He who almost got away with stealing several paintings
from the Louvre?
After planning the crime, getting in and out past security,
he was captured only two blocks away when his SUV ran out of
gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then
make such an obvious error,
He replied:
"Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
And you thought I lacked De Gaulle to send you a story like this!
Actually I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.
---
...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks Karen!
=======================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
"I myself, for instance, am not especially gifted, and am shy by
nature, but my gracious and merciful God and Father inclined Himself
to me, and when I was weak in faith He strengthened me while I was
still young. He taught me in my helplessness to rest on Him, and to
pray even about little things in which another might have felt able to
help himself." - James Hudson Taylor
/\/\
)) (O\
_.... _ _ ((( \
((( '-\\____)|_.-((( (_ \
))) JRO \ / / \o(/
(((\ / \ / ( /
))) | /_ \ //
((( / / "-..___.-"| |
\ ( \ )
\ \ / |
\_\ |_|
/_\ /_\
>Knowing What The Saddle Is For
(By Rocky Henriques)
We're told that it is a very frightening experience for a wild horse to
feel a saddle on his back for the first time. Some horses react with
anger. They rear back and kick and struggle to get away. Their nostrils
flare, their eyeballs roll back, and panic takes over. But other horses
are so afraid that they can't move. They just stand in one spot as
though frozen, shaking and trembling like a leaf on a tree.
Many Christians are just like that. Take a good look at yourself. When
something unpleasant or threatening happens, do you react with anger,
lashing out at other people, even at God? Perhaps something has
occurred which you cannot control or change, and you're so angry about
it that you are determined someone is going to pay for your discomfort.
You say, "God, You did this to me!" or you ask, "God, why did You let
this happen?" Or do you react with such fear that you are essentially
immobilized? You're afraid to step one way or the other, thinking
that if you do anything you'll make a fatal mistake?
The mature Christian, the one who is constantly growing in Christ, can
be compared to a horse which has learned to trust his trainer, and
knows what the saddle is for. He knows that when the saddle of trouble
and difficulty is suddenly thrust upon him, it is there for a purpose.
That purpose may be known only to our Heavenly Father, but as long as
He knows it, the mature Christian doesn't kick and rebel.
-<>-
>Quick Jokes
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the
shelves.
"What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?", to which the
lady replied "Yes".
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing".
--------
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his
cousins shot him.
"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time, when my cousin Ray
picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm
game.'"
--------
"How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife.
"Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she said, 'Do
you think I'm nuts?' and the groom said, 'I do,' and then things really
began to happen fast."
-<>-
.-.
/ .\
.' . .'.
.-'. . . '-._
.' .. . . . . '.
/. . . . .\
/ . . . . .. . . \
|. . . .. . . ... |
/ . . . . . .\
| . . ._______ .. . . . ..|
| . /product\ . . . . |
|. . { of. }. .. . ..|
|. . \__Aos__/. . ..|
| . . . . . . . |
|. . . .. . . ..|
\ . . . . . . . /
| . . . . . . . |
\. . . . . .. . .'
\ .. .. . . /
':_ . . . ... _.'
'-.. . . .-'
'._..'
>The Lemonade Stand
(By list member Debbie Preuss, October 17, 2003)
[Edited]
A little boy, on summer's holiday
Had a lemonade stand, one dollar to pay
Business was good as he stood in the sun
Then along came some boys, thirsty each one
No money had they, nothing to pay
The little boy called to his mom that day
"Mom, quickly change the sign for me
One dollar a glass, if you're broke then it's free"
What lessons could we learn from that little boy
His simple gesture brought such joy
To those in need, he showed such love
He reminds me of the Father above
God looks at us, He sees we are broke
Then like that summer's day little bloke
He says "you can't afford it, but I made it free
The salvation bought by My Son on the tree"
We come to Him with nothing to give
Then He provides, what we need to live
What a Father to have, to love us each day
I praise and thank Him every time that I pray
Omnipotent Father, Creator of all
Yet He hears me when I call
Empty handed, I have nothing to bring
But He reminds me, I'm a child of the King
Because of His Son who died on the tree
He tells me don't worry, when you're broke I am free
So let's learn a lesson from that little boy
Meeting others needs, brings a great joy
Let's try to live like that every day
God's love is free, there's nothing to pay
So let's share Him everywhere that we go
So people all around us will know
Like the lemonade stand, on the hot summer's day
God's love is free, there's nothing to pay
-<>-
_____
, ___))
/ | 6 6
(___( _e
____/ /_
/ \ o\_/ \
/ /\' _ _)\
/_< )____/\_\
___oo' ,ooooo,|_/
-//,-( / |=/
| \ \
\ \
)_______\
/ ) / )
/ / ( |
| / \ |
_________ |/_______\|________.
= =
/( )\ b'ger
/,/ 7 \\_
>Women's Rules:
1. Call when you say you are going to call.
2. Never lie, about anything.
3. Girls talk on "Girls Night Out" so don't be surprised if you get in
trouble when we get back.
4. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never "Yes."
5. The correct answer to "Is she prettier then me?" is never "Yes."
6. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
7. Dish soap is your friend.
8. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap and warm
does not equal clean.
9. Answering "Who was on the phone?" with "Nobody" is not going to end
that conversation.
10. Answering "Whose lipstick is that?" with "Nobody" is not going to
end that conversation either.
11. Two words: Clean Socks.
12. You are always wrong.
13. Always say you are sorry.
14. The rules are never fair. Accept them without questions, and expect
them to change at a moments notice. The fact that she has to go through
labor while you are sitting on your rump in the waiting room, smoking a
cigar with your friends, isn't fair either, but it balances everything
out.
-<>-
_\|/_
/--\
|[]|
_] \/ [_
/_ `==' _\
\\| |//
l\ __/j
`|-'##|
|#||#|
|#||#|
_|#||#|_
`==" "==`
as
>Men's Rules:
1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come
home with the wrong thing.
3) When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a
commercial, do not hassle me that the commercials have probably
finished, and to change the channel back. I always know when the timing
is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back,
there was a good reason why I skipped it.
4) If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry
it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore
and I am now free to return to the couch.
5) If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something
it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
6) If you don't like the way I am driving, close your eyes. And I would
appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling
alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your
fault.
7) I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
8) Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And
remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the
occasion is. After all, I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
9) Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain
accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and
would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
10) If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you
should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair.
11) I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
12) Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd
background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
_SUBSCRIBE INFO_
Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in
an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all
about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Awww Animals!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals.html
Wild Bear Farm!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildbearfarm.html
Newborn Moose!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moose.html
Bambi & Thumper!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bambi.html
Why God Gave Us Pets!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpets.html
The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his
huskies when the polar bear materialized out of the blue, as it were.
Here's Pictures From This Spectacular Encounter. Enjoy! :)
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polar.html
Jody has had Berry since 1998. When Jody first got the mule and shot
the first lion out, Berry casually came over to the lion and just sort
of nuzzled and nibbled at it. With each lion Berry got more aggressive.
It didn't take more than two lions before Berry got really aggressive
to the lion until he got to braying real loud and couldn't wait to get
at the cat.
These Pictures Were Taken Around 2002-2003. Enjoy! :)
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html
Here is a great example of How NOT To Release A bear back into the
wild! A member of the national park service gave it his best shot, but
all went terribly wrong!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrelease.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
Glenn Miller Routine - Hooked on Swing - Mary Ray - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/embed/18F_sIaimGM?rel=0
Most Intelligent Jumpy - The Super Dog (Video)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I_QzPLEjM4
Mary Poppins
http://www.youtube.com/embed/IWH3Hmsr5fM/?feature=player_embed
Flight Of Honor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7TZqJMQWeU
---
...Sweet! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
She sent us one we have here...
Leopard VS Croc
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html
---
...Amazing! Thanks Geniann!
Nuns and priest pranks
https://www.youtube.com/embed/Dn7RzXDsjYY
Most Unbelievable Motorcycle Accident Ever!!! And you won't believe
the landing!!!
https://www.dropbox.com/s/qa0l5jm3wypouib/Accident-acrobatique-motard1.mp4?d
Hidden Wonders
https://www.youtube.com/embed/FiZqn6fV-4Y
A purely acoustic piece performed by a complex multi-neck stringed
instrument. Set in a peaceful inner chamber, high in a sky somewhere,
a different moon is seen out each window.
http://www.animusic.com/previews/previews2.php?clip=resonant-chamber
---
...Awesome! Love the 'Next' ones too! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
The world is home to the most natural, timeless beauty that no words
can ever describe. I invite you to sit back and take time to bask in
the beautiful sights of this remarkable planet we are lucky enough to
inhabit. Immerse yourself in this thrilling experience as you zoom past
wondrous mountains, hills and canyons, soar over dazzling rivers, seas
and oceans, and watch a spectacular birds-eye view of the beautiful
diversity this planet can offer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=x7b-pXRHMks
'What A Wonderful World' A beautiful rendition by singer and voice
actress Elena Haydurova.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KrK85ur8X0&feature=player_embedded
Winner of Best Comedy Magician at the World Magic Awards, Kevin James
performs the most unbelievable illusion. You have to see it to believe
it, and even then, you may doubt what you are seeing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=65ASzyUsOv0
This can't be physically possible, can it? How in the world could a
human body bend itself backward and still walk underneath a car? It is
possible, but it takes superhuman flexibility.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqI4NKLhhvU&feature=player_embedded
---
...Cool! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for
about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and
collect insurance." --Brian Kiley
"I was walking through the park last night and had a very
bad asthmatic attack. These three asthmatics attacked me.
I know...I should have heard them hiding." --Emo Philips
"As an entertainer I travel a lot. I once saw a pin on a Delta
Airlines employee and I asked him what 'Delta' stands for. He
said, 'Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive.'" --Adam Christing
"Oreo has come out with a new lower calorie cookie called
Oreo Thins. Which is also a good way to describe people
who eat them. 'I wouldn't say you're fat, I'd say
you're ... Oreo Thin.'" -Seth Meyers
"A new report says 60 percent of teenagers don't have even
a basic knowledge of finances. Although in fairness, I'm
38 and I just found out this year that a 401(k) is NOT a
type of marathon." -Jimmy Fallon
"HitchBOT, the lovable hitchhiking robot, hitched safely
across Canada, made it to the East Coast of the United
States, but unfortunately didn't get out of Philadelphia
alive. HitchBOT was vandalized, his head and arms were
torn off, and then he was left on the side of the road.
When reached for comment, Philadelphia said, 'Yep. That
sounds about right.'" -James Corden
"The women's school district in New Hampshire has officially
banned dodge ball because parents complained their kids were
being targeted during games which, of course, is the point
of dodge ball." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new report says that San Francisco is the most expensive
city for single people in the U.S., due to the cost of gym
memberships, date nights, and clothing. So if you don't
mind being overweight, alone and naked, San Francisco is
actually quite affordable." -Jimmy Fallon
"A man in the U.K. Is in hot water with his wife because the
Google street view camera caught him having a cigarette in
their driveway after he claimed to have quit smoking. If
you're trying to not get caught doing something, maybe go
somewhere that's not six feet from your front door."
-James Corden
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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