Men, Camping, And Adopt A Terrorist - Oh My!... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) .-. [.-''-., | //`~\) (<| 0\0|>_ ";\ _"/ \\_ _, __\|'._/_ \ '='-, /\ \ || )_///_\>> ( '._ T |\ | _/),-' '. '._.-' /'/ | | '._ _.'`-.._/ snd ,\ / '-' |/ [_/\-----j _.--.__[_.--'_\__ / `--' '---._ / '---. -'. .' _.-- '. \_ '--.___ _;.-o / '.__ ___/______.__8----' Our Friend Alice asked me where I kept the GIFS as she had recently had computer trouble and lost the link. Here is a reminder to all... The Animated GIF Gallery is here... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html See 'words:' for comment images here: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html If you are looking for the ASCII or text images I use, check out these sites... ASCII Art Gallery http://www.ascii-art.de/ascii/ Joan Stark's ASCII Art Gallery http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/index.htm#home -<>- >2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press! :) Our First Too hot to handle one comes from our friend KarenF. With all the super early spring and summer weather we've been having this month, I couldn't resist this absolutely beautiful one. Check it out here... .-==-. /{.=-.}\ | / . \ | |; : :| \( : )/ `._'__.' |\ || \ \ || | | || | | || /| \ \|| / / \ ||| | | | || | | \||/ / ||| / || | ||/ || ^^^^^jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Spring In The Netherlands! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/netherlands.html --- ...Simply Gorgeous! Thank You KarenF! Our Next hot tottie comes from our friend Brenda. It has some really cool 'hot' classic cars that is sure to delight. Check it out here... _______/_____ D'-. | / ) '(o)'-.....'(O)' ind Relics From the Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/relics.html --- ...Ooo, some stunning cars! Thanks Brenda! ======================= >-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Live Teaching with Dan Gallagher - March 20th http://tinyurl.com/7bxg952 ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Camping On Big Moose Mountain Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband,who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. So, she got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out. They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event -hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he ` ) would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said (' he would. ( ) //` About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, // "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with // the matches you brought." // // Sally replied, "I can't understand that. // Those matches should be perfectly fine. // I tested them all just before we left." // jgs _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) >From our friend Brenda.... ,-----. /' `\ ; ----,---- ; | `o- |`o- | | |_ | | _____, | \_ _/ | `-----' | __.-; ;-.__ _,-' ; : ; ; `-._ _,' `. ,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-, /' ```----. .----''' `\ / \_/ \ | | | | , | , | | | | | | | \ | / | \ /\ o | o /\ / / | |`\ / \ /'| | \ | | | `------' `------' | | | | | \ _.--'|`--._ / | | \ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | / | | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | | A Public Service message for Women, to better understand the Male animal. Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer. Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu" or "Cardamom." For all I know these are all the same thing. Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator). Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger I mean, how could he know where we're going? Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your Mother, or have your Mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom, too! Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a man, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating. Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do. --- ...LOL! Thanks Brenda! ============================================================== *-- Even More Bizarre March Holidays --* March 19 is Poultry Day March 20 is Proposal Day and Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day March 21 is Fragrance Day March 22 is National Goof-off Day March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip and Dip Day March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach Festival Day March 27 is National "Joe" Day March 28 is Something On A Stick Day March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day March 30 is I Am In Control Day March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The Half Shell Day ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] >FUNNY TWO - LINERS The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins. An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he becomes in her. There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot. They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry ? Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. --- ...LMAO! Great Ones! Thanks Linda! -<>- ('.'''. ()/ ..) o'.__.> _ || _ |\ (_|\/|_)\ / //| |\\// (( |()\ \/ \\| \ _/_| () \ | \ \_._._.' \\// mrf ))\ // \\ (x\_/x) (_(___) To an almost old person, I never really liked the terminology "Old Person" but this makes me feel better about it. And if you ain't one, I bet ya you know one! I got this from an "Old Personal friend of mine"! _.--"""--._ .' '-. `. __/__ (-. `\ \ /o `o \ \ \ \ _\__.__/ )) | | ; .--;" | | \ ( `) | | \ _|`---' .' _, _| | `\ '`_\ \ '_,.-';_.-`\| \ \_ .' '--'---;` / / |\ |_..--' \ \'-'.' .--'.__/ __.-; `"` (___...---''` \ _/_ \ /jgs\ \___/ >OLD PERSON PRIDE I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old person receiving it Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old People remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam . If you bump into an Old People on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Person on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old People trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old People hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies. Old People have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren. It's the Old People who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country. This country needs Old People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility pride in their country and decent values. We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old People! Pass this on to all of the "Old People" you know. I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Linda! -<>- .-""-._ / ___/ \ _&_ _.--""|/ `\| // \\ .' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \ / | _ | \ // / \ \\ | _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\ | .' \____/-._ | .-"-. | / `; /# \ | / / _|_.---\ | | |.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-. / \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="} /--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="} / \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-; | /`| | \ | |||| || | /_ | |_______/ | |||| || | \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._|| | | | | || |> |______| |____________|._ || _..-;| | [___] | `||() || |______ |\/|____________|jgs|| () (__) \__/ (__) () >Female thinks on a Different Frequency Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life.. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying. I told her : Darling never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'. My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me... and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin, vodka & the beer in the fridge... I ALMOST DIED!! Morals: 1. Think about what you wish for.. 2. The female brain works on a different wavelength from the male's --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend EdLaF :) |||||||||||||| = \ , = | _= ___/ / _\ (o)\ | | \ _ \ | |/ (____) \__/ / | / / ___) / \ \ _) ) \ \ / ( \/ \ \_________/ |\_________________,_ ) \/ \ / | ==== _______)__) \/ \ / __/___ ====_/ \/ \ / (O____)\\_(_/ (O_ ____) (O____) by tod@m-net.arbornet.org >A bit of humor from 2002 - Adopt a Terrorist! So folks, now you know what Canada thinks about the misuse of human beings. A Canadian female libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. She demanded a response to her letter correspondence. She received back the following reply: National Defense Headquarters M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT 101 Colonel By Drive Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2 Canada Dear Concerned Citizen, Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint! It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives about your house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him. Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property thereby having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will "recommend" as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter. Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. You take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching. Good luck and God bless you. Cordially, Gordon O'Connor Minister of National Defense ----------------------------------------------- BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!!! --- ...LOL! Thanks EdLaF! Check out snopes here for full details of this joke: http://www.snopes.com/politics/war/lark.asp ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From PatriotUpdate: Obama Opposes FDR’s Prayer at WWII Memorial http://tinyurl.com/6r7nz2v -<>- >From The TeaParty: Breaking News: 'Ghost' of '08 to haunt Obama in 2012? http://tinyurl.com/8y8lxpj -<>- >From Vision To America: Eric Holder: We Must 'Brainwash People' Against Guns http://tinyurl.com/7aocl35 -<>- >From BizarreNews: *-- Woman falls down trash chute --* DUNWOODY, Ga. - Emergency responders in Georgia said they rescued a woman who fell down her apartment's garbage chute while trying to retrieve her dropped cellphone. Dunwoody police said rescue crews responded to the Gables Metropolitan apartments Sunday when the woman fell while trying to reach down the chute for her phone and ended up stuck between the first and second floors of the building, WSB-TV, Atlanta, reported Monday. DeKalb County Fire Department rescuers said they moved the building's trash compacter, which was blocking the woman from falling the rest of the way down the chute, and retrieved her before she hit the ground. The woman was taken to a local hospital for treatment. *-- Fortune teller sentenced to prison --* FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. - A Florida fortune-teller has drawn a 15-month prison sentence for her part in a fraud scheme that tricked victims out of more than $2 million. Olivia Evans, 22, of Hollywood, Fla., was handed a sentence of one year and three months in federal prison and ordered to pay restitution of more than $402,700, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported. Evans' two sisters are already serving prison terms along with their mother. Her sentenc- ing was delayed so she could give birth to her second child. She pleaded guilty in September to federal charges of mail and wire fraud. Evans' attorney, Richard Merlino, asked for leniency, saying she was adopted into the Romany gypsy culture and did not choose that way of life. "At the age of 5, she was taught by her adoptive mother the art of psychic mysticism," Merlino told the court. *-- Man's trunks deemed too long for swimming --* BOURNEMOUTH, England - A British man who took his step- daughter to a public pool said he was barred from swimming because his swim trunks were too long. Andy Toms, 45, said he took his stepdaughter, Annie, 11, and one of her friends to the pool at the Littledown leisure center in Bournemouth, England, and a lifeguard told him he couldn't swim because his trunks were too long, The Sun reported Thursday. Toms said the lifeguard told him the trunks posed a hygiene risk. "I've used that pool for years and worn my three-quarter length trunks before," he said. "They offered a pair from lost property but if the problem's hygiene it's not very hygienic to wear somebody's lost trunks." A spokesman for the leisure center said officials are concerned about bacteria. "These are not classed as swimwear and may have been used for other things like running in a field, which could mean bacteria going into the pool," the spokesman said. *-- Workers write 'schoul' outside school --* OXFORD, England - Residents of a British town said they are rolling their eyes after workers misspelled the word "school" on the road outside an elementary school. Parents dropping their children off at Wolvercote Primary School in Oxford, England, Thursday said they noticed the crews who replaced the tarmac Wednesday after performing cable work under the road had written "schoul" on the road instead of "school," The Sun reported Thursday. "How embarrassing," said Annalie Cox, who has an 11-year-old and a 6-year-old at Wolvercote. "I hope that by the time my children leave this school they will be able to spell such basic words." An Oxfordshire County Council spokesman said contractors are believed to be behind the error. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Sharon :) _____ /~/~ ~\ | | \ \ \ \ \ \ \ --\ \ .\'' --==\ \ ,,i!!i, ''"'',,}{,, unknown >PECANS IN THE CEMETERY On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me' said one boy.. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..' He just knew what it was.. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. 'Come here quick,' said the Boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.' The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.' The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord..' Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me.. That's all.... Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done..' They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike. --- ...LMAO! A great classic! Thanks Sharon! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) /())) //( oo (/|| _ \__ /||||/ '._-' / \ |\ / \ \ \_____ | \ \.___ /==, | ='.___/=. | ) '.______ | (______( | || snd |_|| _/ | |_\ '---'--' >Enjoy a child's version of the Bible: If you need a laugh today, then this should do it! A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching??? Through the eyes of a child: The Children's Bible in a Nutshell In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check. After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother. One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them. After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.') During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Romans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead. Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution. --- ..HaHa! Thanks Bunni! I dedicate this funny to my brother Del who is having fun teaching the children's Sunday Bible School this month! ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: O , .::7:::::U2\P\ '*qf\P '<\ '<\ ' ' unknown After I asked for a half-pound trout fillet at my super- market's seafood counter, the clerk picked one out of a pile and set it on the scale. It weighed precisely eight ounces. Impressed, I asked, "How did you know?" Looking pleased with himself, he declared, "I'm psychotic." -<>- A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does y'all go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES Y'ALL GO TO SCHOOL!? -<>- Our six-year-old daughter, Terra, has a need to ask questions...lots of questions. Finally, one day, my wife had it. "Have you ever heard that curiosity killed the cat?" my wife asked. "No," replied Terra. "Well, there was a cat, and he was very inquisitive. And one day, he looked into a big hole, fell in, and died!" Wide-eyed, Terra whispered: "What was in the hole?" -<>- . . |\_|\ | a_a\ | | "] ____| '-\___ /.----.___.-'\ // _ \ // .-. (~v~) /| |'| /\: .-- / \ // |-/ \_/____/\/~| |/ \ | []_|_|_] \ | | \ | \ |___ _\ ]_} | | '-' / '.' | | | / /|: | | | | / |: /\ | | / / | / \ | | | / / | \ \ | |/\/ |/|/\ \ \|\ |\| | | / /\/\__\ \ \| | / | |__ snd / | |____) |_/ A job applicant was asked, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?" "Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-sometimes I have a little trouble telling what's real from what's not." "Okay," said the interviewer. "And what are your strengths?" "I'm Batman." -<>- Every morning, I do a mad dash to drop off my son Tyler at day care so I can get to work on time. My impatience hit home one morning when he piped up from the back of the car, "Our car is really fast and everyone else's is slow because they're all idiots, right, Mom?" -<>- _ |-| |~| |:| WINE AND CHEESE .'.'. / ::\ |_____| __ _ |:.:;.| <:__:> .-'o\ |_____| \ ::/ .o' O. o\ | ::| '..' |--o.--o--| | ;:| || |._._o_._.| \_____/ .''. '----' pjb When it comes to wine I'm very particular about what I buy. There are two things I look for before making my selection. First, the word "Wine" must appear somewhere on the label. This is something I insist on. Second, I look for a sign nearby that says "On Sale." Follow these two rules and you won't go far wrong. =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) *tappititaptap...* _ ___ ,'_|_ _|. \|___|__,' ___ ( `.|__,' / \ ) __ /// =( ( \ || `--. '/(__/== -- || | _) ( : / ||_,--' |/mom)``.__ _[__]__ |\ \.-' _(\\ | | ||`.___,-'_-~~]_|_______|_____ ||\.,-' [____________________] ||_`.___. ||. \||| ||_______`.|| \ _ /||| ||| |||||. \ ,-|_|\||| ||| |||||\\_\__ | \_/||| -||+-----||+||+\\_,-'+-----||+---- Ool >Great Truths - Humorous (or maybe not) 1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. - John Adams 2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. - Mark Twain 3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. - Mark Twain 4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. - Winston Churchill 5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw (The problem is thhat there are a lot more Pauls than there are Peters, which is why Obama stands a good chance of being re-elected.) 6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. - G. Gordon Liddy 7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)) 8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. - Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clintton 9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian 10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat, French economist(18001-1850) 11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. - Ronald Reagan (1986) 12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers 13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! - P.J. O'Rourke 14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire (1764) 16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain (1866) 17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. - Anonymous 18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. - Ronald Reagan 19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston Churchill 20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. - Mark Twain 21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. - Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher ((1820-1903) 22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress. - Mark Twain 23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995) 24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson 25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. - Aesop | |jro | | | ________ | | | | |_____ | ))(( | "Oh, just 'chatting' | )))(() |______ on the computer." |((()))) ------- / |((())))\\\\) / ___ |// \\( oo\ | \\ |\\ // \o//______|__||_________ / (/ \)(_\\/)_ __/__\/|____ /_____\ \\\/_-\//|____|/ /| | | | |""|\/___________/ | | | | |/ || | / |_|_| |___________|/ (_) (_) FIVE BEST SENTENCES 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity. 2. What one person receives without working for...another person must work for without receiving. 3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. 4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. 5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they worked for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation! Can you think of a single reason to not share this? Neither could I . . . . . . --- ...Great ones! Thanks Linda! ============================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >Where I've Been I have been in many places, but I have never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go there alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. You have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my family, friends and those where I have worked [and church members :) ]. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump there. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I do less thinking for myself. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense, It really gets the adrenalin flowing and I need all of the stimuli I can get. -<>- >From Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day parable just drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. It's OK to share our stuff, but please leave this attached if you forward this to friends or post on the net. =========================== , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Divine Dissatisfaction [edited] Something gnawing at you? Something that says, "There has got to be more." Something that says, "This can not be all there is." Something saying, "Move out of your comfort zone." It just might be what I call Divine Dissatisfaction. Divine Dissatisfaction is part of that "eternity in the heart" that God has placed there to keep us growing, moving and changing. It is a good thing. No, it is a great thing! If you have it, you keep hungering, thirsting for more of God in your life. If you don't have it, watch out, you have stopped growing. You have stopped moving on to the next level with God. You have stopped changing and transforming into all God has for you. If we are going to be people who lead, we must lead by continuing to embrace Divine Dissatisfaction. Dissatisfaction with the status quo, with the ho hum, with being religious and just getting by. We must stretch ourselves, take the next challenge, reach out to a needy brother around us, open up our lives to do whatever it is that God is saying to us to go deeper with Him. I know, for me, I am seeing a vision of God's fullness, His abundance, His treasure house stored up for me. I know He wants to bless me so that I might be a blessing to others. I have Divine Dissatisfaction that says, "I want more of Him." People, we can not stop where we are now. We can not allow ourselves to be satisfied with what we have attained. We must be people who press on for more of God's presence, more of His fullness in our lives. Psalm 18:33 says, "He makes my feet like hinds feet, and sets me upon high places." Divine Dissatisfaction keeps us moving toward the higher places, never satisfied with where we are. Divine Dissatisfaction keeps me hungering and thirsting for more. It was this feeling that had me crying out for over two years, praying for a real friend to share my life and help me walk out of the maze. It was this dissatisfaction that had a man call me, also needing a true friend to see a fresh move of God in his life. Are you answering the call of this Divine Dissatisfaction? Do not turn a deaf ear and dull this internal voice that calls you on to more of God. Listen and answer the call, make the move, make the change, get out of your comfort zone. This is where the adventure is. It is where the life of Christ is. Call a brother today and tell him you are answering the call. Jim Lewis Men who Win www.menwhowin.com ================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Mountain Goats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountaingoats.html Shifou Mountain Footpath http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shifou.html Sweet Wooden Car http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcar.html Friends And Health http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html Advice For Living http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/advice.html John Scapes Basement http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html Ricochet The Surf Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html Volvo Lego Car http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legocar.html -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Free Sun-Maid 100th Anniversary Cookbook http://www.sunmaid.com/anniversarycookbook/index.html Rita Hayworth Is Stayin' Alive http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz3CPzdCDws --- ...Such a fun one! Great to watch! -<>- >From our Friend PatDeE :) Amazing Dolphin Rescue Watch this... It happened at a Brazilian beach. Amazing Dolphin Rescue "http://elcomercio.pe/player/1384898 --- ...Sweet! Amazing to watch! Thanks PatDeE! They say if the leader in the pack is sick the others will follow him even if he goes ashore just to die. -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/The Best of Country (new music) http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Mu/Co/Cu.html From Kathryn/The Ol' Fishin' Hole http://adreamandasmile.com/Summer/Fishin_Hole.html Carolyn with/ And I Love You So ~Elvis~ http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/andiloveyouso.html Carol w/TBF http://www.carolspoetry.com/tbf.html Spiders, Ticks, Biting Mites http://www.ent.orst.edu/urban/Spiders.html Visit Melissa's Online Store You can get anything you want (except for Melissa ) at the online store http://pdhomes.net/mall/babylissa/mySTORES/ISELL4.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Ford is installing a new feature in their cars which reads text messages out loud to the driver. Isn't that cool? Yeah, this amazing new feature is called a 'passenger.'" -Conan O'Brien "One town in Alaska is called Deadhorse. Another one is called and I'm not making this up 'Manley hot springs'. Which is also the name of a club here in West Hollywood." -Craig Ferguson "Because of a printing error, a billion new $100 bills have to be destroyed. They're going to burn $100 billion dollars just like they did with the last stimulus." -Jay Leno "According to a Twitter study, people are happiest on the weekends and when their workday is over. They also discovered that if you stand in front of a moving train, it will kill you." -Jay Leno "Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the "S" stands for "suckers." -Craig Ferguson "Starbucks has a new plan to create jobs by asking customers to make $5 donations. Customers are like, 'Yeah, right. I'm not just gonna give you $5. Now can I get a grande coffee for $6?'" -Jimmy Fallon "Citibank will soon charge $15 a month for checking accounts with less than $6,000. Finally, someone's sticking it to those people with less than $6,000!" -Jimmy Fallon "Denmark is charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil. Here, we call that the Denny's Grand Slam breakfast." -Jay Leno "Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or bio- rhythms or love." -Craig Ferguson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************