Men Give Up Far More Than Women... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News: This Wednesday the 10th, I will be going in for my second eye cornea transplant surgery. I now am legally blind in my right eye and need to get it fixed. I, again, am not sure how long I will be out of commission. But just as soon as I am able, you can trust I will be back to work on the web site and our group emails. Your prayers for me will be most appreciated. Thank You! (¯`v´¯) `*.¸.*´ ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. Huggums!... :) Shangy! -<>- >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super hot new page is from our friends Bunni and Geniann. Talk about extravagant! This one is off the chart! Sure to delight. Check this one out here... .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' Stainless Steel VS Gold http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stainlesscar.html --- ...OooLaLa! My kind of cars! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Two Free Tickets To The Show _ mMm _[_]_ A young couple got married and went away on /(")\ (") their honeymoon. After two weeks they came //)^(\\//:\\ back and finally put away all of the presents /(/&@&\\/|~|/ they received from friends and family. Since / /-~`~-\ ||| this was a new home, the process took some `/ \||| time. `----------'-- The silver went into the closet, items were put on the walls for display and some of the more intimate apparel was put in the bedroom drawers. A week later, they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this. Inside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line. "Guess who sent them." The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They went to the theatre, and had a wonderful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value. And on the bare table in the dining-room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets: "Now you know!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 8 is Best Friends Day and Name Your Poison Day June 9 is Donald Duck Day June 10 is Iced Tea Day June 11 is National Corn on the Cob Day June 12 is Red Rose Day June 13 is Sewing Machine Day June 14 is Flag Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ___ /_\_\ |;-^-'| ; ._ d - j :. ,<%@. |-_-| / \ {_ _,l ___/\_ _/\_ \,< ___ <~L~>\. /___\_\'/_/_`-.( `___\ \ - |` /___ \ \|/|po /||_/-___L":--;" L _ \ \ |o|LY| |(n==\^\^''--`-,-_ [-><-]=3 || ^;| |`\ _')>\ /<__/\ |< !c)|o ; |;| "| _' \ \/ /po | |- | | ; ' |,-. |.V \/ |LY | |\__, _L |o : | / \ \||\ |o^ ^| | _|/| / _\__ : / 7 '<|`. | | | / |L/ < /\: | Y \ | \|' | | | |/ /_ | | | | \| A|. | | /| |/|PO| | || | | |V| | | || |<|LY| | || | |,| | |_ | / | | ^^ | | | | | |____| |" | | | | | | | | |#^' |4 \ | | | | | | |,| | |%_| | | |m | A \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / | / | | \ || | | | | | | / /| |__| || | | l | | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| | | | | / / | | | | || |m1a >Men Give Up Far More Than Women As a professor at St. Cloud State University in Minnesota, I often engage women psychology majors in heated discussions about male-female relationships. Once, my friend Shelly and I got into a hot debate about whether men or women make the larger sacrifice of their respective gender characteristics when they get married. To my surprise, Shelly agreed with me that men give up far more than women. "You're right, Steve," she said. "Men generally give up doing the cleaning, the cooking, their grocery shopping, the laundry...." -<>- >New Online Service There's a new online service that allows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the Web and read all the news in one place. That one place is called "work." -<>- >The Shredder A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8pm he sees a General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it." "Yes, sir," says the young officer, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in. (PAUSE) "Now," says the General, "I just need one copy....." -<>- >Turned Down Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into the college of their choice. As an Admissions Counselor for a state university, I took a call from an irate mother who was demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down. Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of "D" grades, I explained that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as those students who were admitted. "Why doesn't she try another school for a year and then transfer?" I suggested. "Another school!" exclaimed the mother. "Have you seen her grades?" -<>- >Xray Trauma? A four-year-old girl had to have an x-ray taken at the medical office where she was taken. She had been in an accident with her bicycle and the doctor was afraid she may have broken her wrist. The girl, however, was very concerned about the procedure, and no matter how her mother tried to calm her, she kept putting up quite a fuss as we led her into the x-ray facility. When she came out a few minutes later, however, she was calm and all smiles. "They just took a picture of my bones," she explained to her mother. "Yes, dear," her mom replied. "I told you it was easy. Did everything go well?" "Yup. It was great!" the child exclaimed. "I didn't even have to take my skin off or anything!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb >SMILES A flat-chested woman was delighted when her Fairy Godmother said she would increase in size each time a man said, "Pardon," to her. She walked down the pavement, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me." Her chest instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he begged her pardon and another inch was added. She was in seventh heaven! She walked into a Chinese restaurant, collided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior." The next day the headline in the local newspaper said, "Chinese Waiter Crushed by Two Torpedoes!" -------- A blonde walked into a library and asked, "Can I have a hamburger and fries?" The librarian said, "Sorry, this is a library. We don't serve hamburgers here." So the blonde whispered, "Can I have a cheeseburger and fries then? Please?" -------- A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just last week you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you! -------- The smoke alarm goes off and the two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire. They run out onto the balcony; One yells "Help, help!" and the other shouts, "Fire, fire!" "Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde. "Good idea," said the other. So they both started yelling, "Together! Together!" -------- A class was given a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a 'period'," he replied. "I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a 'period'?" "Darned if I know," said the boy, "but yesterday when my sister said she was missing one, Mom fainted, Dad had a heart attack and the boy next door joined the Navy." --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- _______ _.-'\ /'-._ _.-' _\ .-. /_ '-._ .-' _.-' |/.-.\| '-._ '-. .' .-' _|| ||_ '-. '. / .' .-' ||___|| '-. '. \ / .' .-' _.-'-----'-._ '-. '. \ / / .' .-' ~ ~ '-. '. \ \ / / / .' ~ * ~ ~ '. \ \ \ / / /.'........ * ~ * ~'.\ \ \ | / //:::::::::: ~ _____._____ \\ \ | | | |/::::::::::: * '-----------' \| | | .--.|__||_____________________________||__|.--. .' '----. .-----------------------. .----' '. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' .'--------. |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| .--------'. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' .'--------. |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| .--------'. '.________' |o|==|o|====:====|o|==|o| '________.' | | || ____ |:| | | | | |:| ____ || | | | | || | ||:| | | | | |:|| | || | | | | || |____||: Wurlitzer :||____| || | | | | || | /|:| | | | | |:|\ | || | | | | || |_.` |:| | | | | |:| `._| || | | | | || .---.-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-.---. || | | | | || | |\ /\ / \ /\ /| | || | | | | || | |~\/ \/ ~ \/ \/ | | || | | | | || | | /\ ~/\ ~ /\ ~/\ | | || | | | | || | |/ \/ \ / \/ ~\| | || | | | | || | |\~ /\~ / \~ /\ /| | || | | | | || | | \/ \/ ~ \/ \/ | | || | | | | || | | /\~ /\ ~ /\ ~/\ | | || | | | | || |===|/ \/ .-. \/ \|===| || | | | | || | | ~ /\ ( * ) /\ ~ | | || | | | | || | \ / \/'-'\/ \ / | || | | /-._|__|| \ \ ~ /\ ~ /\~ / / ||__|_.-\ |-._/__/| \ './ .-. \.' / |\__\_.-| | | | || '._ '-| |-' _.' || | | | | | | || '._ | | _.' || | | | | | | || '-._| |_.-' || | | | | | | || __ | | || | | | | | | || O__O |_| || | | | '.|_|__||_____________________________||__|_|.' | | |-----------------------------| | | | | [_____________________________] | | | | |/ LGB \| | | '._|__.' '.__|_.' >The Rockin' Fifties What a great time it was for all of us who were lucky enough to live in that magic time. And if you were in high school then it was pure fun! Bobbi socks, pony tails, penny loafers, rock and roll, ducks butts, sideburns, hoola hoops, American Bandstand, Howdy Doody, and a zillion other things come to mind but the thing that stands out is the dancing! Oh how we danced! The diners, the blue plate specials, a nickel coke! We could get cheeseburgers for a quarter, luscious milkshakes and real french fries! Yummy! Hoola hoops swept the nation in a craze! We all tried it and laughed to see our Mom's and Dad's out hoola us all. Turn tables and 45 records, we all had a collection... Each one about a dollar! You didn't find a drive through restaurant on every corner but there were a few back then...my favorite....... A&W, how about a root beer float! And those sizes...papa beer, mama beer, and don't forget baby beer! A bottle of Pepsi was a dime! I guess a nickel according to this sign! I'm not quite that old! Coke came in those cute little bottles, my Mom's favorite! Carhops to serve you, some on roller skates... They had to be good! Really cool cars too! and if you were a boy, had sideburns, and one of these you were really COOL! Double Bubble bubble gum, with little tiny paper cartoons folded up inside each little package of gum. Try reading one of those today without glasses! Now this is a vacuum cleaner, the only trouble is it took three people to push it. I remember the gas wars...my big brother would check out the prices before he bought his gas, pretty easy to do since the gas stations in our home town all seemed to be in the same block....I remember it being as low as 15 cents a gallon! "Give me a dollars worth," he'd say! It was enough for a nights cruisin! And for that buck, they pumped it for you, cleaned your windshield, checked your oil and tires! The only place I can remember having air conditioning was Woolworths! What a neat dime store that was! My sister and I spent lots of time there checking out everything! At home we cooled off with fans...... I still love those shakes...... but they go right to my hips now! Remember when you could eat all you wanted and never gain an ounce! The great TV programs we had, I remember our first TV, we were mesmerized! My Mom fell in love with Liberace! We rushed home from school to watch American Bandstand and learn all the newest dances. And who could forget... "Hey kids! What time is it?" "It's Howdy Doody time!" With Clarabell, and Buffalo Bob Smith! Those days are gone but the memories linger on.... Hey and I can still rock n roll!! --- ...Oh Yeah! Thanks LouiseA! It was more the 60's & 70's for me! I rushed home from school to watch 'Dark Shadows' and on Saturdays raced back from town to watch 'Lost In Space' ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .-""-._ / ___/ \ _&_ _.--""|/ `\| // \\ .' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \ / | _ | \ // / \ \\ | _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\ | .' \____/-._ | .-"-. | / `; /# \ | / / _|_.---\ | | |.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-. / \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="} /--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="} / \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-; | /`| | \ | |||| || | /_ | |_______/ | |||| || | \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._|| | | | | || |> |______| |____________|._ || _..-;| | [___] | `||() || |______ |\/|____________|jgs|| () (__) \__/ (__) () >New Definitions ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends And is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. And MY Personal Favorite! WRINKLES: Something other people have... Similar to my character lines. --- ...TeeHee! Good ones! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From AFA: Top Anti-Christian Bigotry Stories of the Week http://www.afa.net/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: I just read a story about a disgusting experiment in social engineering has been conducted in Portugal over the last 14 years. And you won't believe what those Madeira-drinking pinkos have done! In 2001 Portugal decriminalized a number of illicit drugs and began focusing on treatment programs instead of punish- ment. Under the decriminalization laws, users are allowed to possess a 10-day supply of illicit drugs - anything from marijuana to heroin - and those who have more are sent before a three-person drug commission. The panel decides on a fine or treatment, but opts for treatment in four out of every five cases. What's with all this touchy-feely, therapeutic, treating- people-like-humans crap? The way to treat a drug problem is the American way; you declare a war on it. You criminalize everything. You suspend basic human rights like the prohibition against unreasonable searches and seizures and burden of proof. And you give the police unprecedented powers like asset forfeiture, with almost no accountability. Then, after decades of enforcement and hundreds of billions of dollars, what you get is the highest incarceration rate in the world, with about half of the inmates (according to some federal estimates) in prison for some form of drug offense or another, and an actual increase in drug use and traffic. THAT'S how you deal with drugs. But when you pussyfoot around with drugs like they have been doing in Portugal for the last 14 years you know what you get? The total number of people using drugs in Portugal since 2001 has actually fallen by more than a third. Not only have overall rates come down, heroin addiction rates have been cut in half. HIV infections, which are spread by shared needles, have also been cut in half, while the number of drug-related deaths has been cut by 75 percent. Stupid Portuguese. *---------- Man Saws Neighbor's Garage in Half ----------* A judge in Grand Rapids, Minn., has ruled that if someone else's garage sits partially on your property, it's OK to saw it in half. The ruling comes in the case against Roger Weber of Nashwauk who sawed Mark Besemann's garage in half. Besemann had purchased the house from Weber's sister, unaware that a family feud was raging over the location of the garage. Besemann sued Weber but Judge Lois Lang has ruled that Weber had a legal right to remove the portion of the garage that sat on his property. *- How Long Does It Take to Poop 1.5 Pounds of Cocaine? -* Five days. That's how long 28-year-old Regis Walker spent in a hospital "passing" the drug pellets after she was arrested last week at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. Walker, a U.S. citizen, arrived on a flight from Jamaica. U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials took her aside for a baggage search and interview. She was taken to Broward Health Medical Center in Fort Lauderdale after agreeing to be X-rayed. The X-ray revealed that Walker appeared to be carrying approximately 54 pellets filled with cocaine within her body. *--- Driving Under The Influence of Whipped Cream? ---* A woman was charged with driving under the influence after consuming whipped cream. Police said that 28-year-old Anna Thomas of Franklin, Tennessee, used cans of aerosol whipped cream to get high. She was charged with driving under the influence after crashing her car. When police arrived, Thomas was disoriented. Officers found 13 cans of whipped cream scattered inside the vehicle. Almost all of the bottles were empty. No pie was discovered. *----------- Electroshock Therapy On The Go -----------* This sounds perfectly safe. A newly-released headset hopes to wake people up or calm them down by manipulating the electricity in their brain. The 'Thync' costs $299 and has just been released to the public. It provides "calm or energy on demand", the company says, by using "neurosignalling" to activate nerves and change people's state of mind. It is a small, white plastic triangle that you tape to your forehead. Then you control it with your phone to send special zaps that either wake you up or calm you down. If you thought texting while driving was bad...wait until you accidentally send a 'zap' to your brain while you're on the expressway. In addition to "calm" and "energy on demand" there is also a setting for "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: __________ | __ __ | | | || | | | | || | | | |__||__| | | __ __()| | | || | | | | || | | | | || | | | | || | | | |__||__| | ejm |__________| We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take towels." -<>- Our pastor was winding down the service. In the back of the church, the fellowship committee stood to go to the church hall and prepare snacks for the congregation. Seeing them rise, Pastor Michael singled them out for praise. "Before they all slip out," he urged, "let's give these ladies a big hand in the rear." -<>- As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field. One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. "My sister would be so proud of you!" she remarked. I figured her sister must be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why. Replied the woman, "She's a dentist." -<>- For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker. "I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing." -<>- Standing on the tee of a long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me." The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then a wedge, THEN a putt. The golfer was insulted and berates the caddy telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he underestimate his game! Apologizing the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for. He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen yards off the front of the tee. Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one hell of a putt..." -<>- During court one busy day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note reading: "Blind on right side, may be falling. Please call someone." Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before whispering to the judge that paramedics were on their way. Puzzled, the judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room and explained, "I was thinking maybe someone from maintenance!" -<>- A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I 'looked into it' (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. -<>- A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member. It will be a while before Jack and Jill head up that hill for a pail of water again. ========================================================= >-->From Laugh & Lift: _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| / ( > | ( ) ._ / ) _/-.__.'`\ ( .-'`-. \__ ) `/ `-./ `. | \ \ \ jgs | \ \ \ \ |\ `. / / \ *_God's Oxygen Mask _* (By Sharon Jaynes, www.sharonjaynes.com) One mother with three active boys was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner on a summer evening. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang, bang you're dead." She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. As the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I get to rest." As busy moms, we all need a break from time to time. We mothers need time to re-charge, re-fuel, and refresh. When Steven was two years old, some days I would brush quickly past my husband as he came in the door from work. "Hi, honey," I'd say "I need a break." And off I'd go to walk around the mall or the neighborhood for thirty minutes. Even Jesus encouraged his disciples: "...Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." (Mark 6:31 NIV) He knew that we all need time to recharge, reflect, and refresh. When I was on an airplane recently, the flight attendant gave her usual instructions on the use of the oxygen mask. She said, "If you are traveling with young children, place the mask on yourself first, then assist the child." I thought to myself, "That seems a little selfish," until I realized that if I passed out, I certainly wouldn't be much help to the child sitting next to me. So mom, take a break today. Spend time with God and ask Him to fill your empty cup! Let's Pray: "Dear God, You know that parenting is a hard job. Thank you for allowing me the honor and privilege of being a mom. I thank You that I don't have to parent alone. You are right there with me all the time. I pray that You will refresh my soul today. In Jesus' Name, Amen." Now It's Your Turn: Are you running on empty? What happens if you drive a car until it is out of gas? I know that is a silly question, but I want you to keep that picture in mind as you push through your busy day without taking time to refuel. When is the last time you got away alone to spend some refreshing time with God? Mark out a 15 minute time block in your daily schedule for quiet reflection. This could be first thing in the morning, just after the children go to bed, right after dinner, or before you go to bed each night. -<>- D---(] Krogg >*_Buildings: Which Worker Are You?_* (Author Unknown) I saw them tearing a building down, A group of men in a busy town, With a hefty blow and a lusty yell, They swung with zest, and a side wall fell. Asked of the foreman, "Are these men skilled? The kind you would hire, if you had to build?" He looked at me, and laughed, "No indeed! Unskilled labor is all I need. Why, they can wreck in a day or two, What it has taken builders years to do." I asked myself, as I went my way, Which of the roles have I tried to play? Am I a builder with rule and square, Measuring and constructing with skill and care? Or am I the wrecker who walks the town, Content with the business of tearing down? -<>- _ /.\ Y \ / "L // "/ |/ /\_================== / / / / unknown \/ >*_Two Robbins_* Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more. "I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one. "Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second. "OK," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat came up and gobbled them right up. As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought... "BOY, I JUST *LOVE* BASKIN ROBINS..." -<>- ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` >*_Get Out of The Car! _* (purported to be a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it memorable. -<>- ___ ,-'" "`-. ,'_ `. / / \ ,- \ __ | \_0 --- | / | | | \ \ `--.______,-/ | ___) \ ,--"" ,/ | / _ \ \-_____,- / \__-/ \ | `. ,' \___/ < ´--------' \__/\ | Wny \__// *_Funny Comedian Quips _* Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window! --Steve Bluestone Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? --George Carlin I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. --Rita Rudner I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. --Sue Kolinsky I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. --Carol Leifer The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. --Jackie Gleason I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" --Jay Leno I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. --Dave Edison I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..." --Mike Binder Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. --Stephen Leacock The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. --Roger Simon -<>- >*_Quick Jokes_* A church was preparing for Christmas services. The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entryway and had a parishioner call the banner company. The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entryway. The sign came back a few days later: "Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide". -------- A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?" "Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants " -------- There was a woman who spent some months serving at a mission in Kenya. On her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies. She wanted to always remember so she recorded this moment and would share it with friends when she arrived home. With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this beautiful song?" Her friend looked at her and solemnly replied, "If you boil the water, you won't get dysentery." _SUBSCRIBE INFO_ Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ======================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Extreme Camping!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Sweet Wooden Car!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcar.html WaterCar's Panther!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/panther.html Limos In US History!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html World's Fastest Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html City That Time Forgot!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html Lamborghini Aventador!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html Classic Chevy Collection!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html World's Most Extreme House!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehouse.html eleMMent Palazzo Mobile RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv2.html World's Most Expensive Things!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expensive.html What Your GPS Won't Show You!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) In what just might be one of the most adorable ads of all time Android presents us with "Friends Furever". The simple message behind this wonderful Android operating system advert is "Be Together. Not the Same." The good thing about this ad for animal lovers is that maybe it'll create a little friendly competition between Apple and Android and we'll see more cute and adorable animal ads in the future. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vnVuqfXohxc The host of the Tonight Show has long been known for his uncanny impersonations, but I think his best one is officially Neil Young. You have to hear him sing "Old Man" with a special guest. Watch the video to hear his great impression and see who the mystery guest is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=H6otmy3DAK8 The Labrador Retriever is an athletic and playful breed of dog that is also noted as one of the most well-behaved. Indeed, the Labrador is the most popular breed of dog in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States! It is even used as an assistance dog for the blind, deaf and impaired with great success. But when no one's watching, these usually obedient dogs do the craziest things! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QEK8LS_0Gqk --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Hubble Deep Field: The Most Imp. Image Ever Taken https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgg2tpUVbXQ&NR=1 EyeWitness to History - history through the eyes of those who lived http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/ The Beat Post http://www.bentbay.dk/blue_angels.htm Hamster Shredder http://www.tomballhatchet.com/hamstershredder.html --- ...Super! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A Wisconsin woman recently got a high school diploma at the age of 103 and says she is now considering going to college. Friends are recommending a two-year college." -Conan O'Brien "Ben & Jerry's is working with a beer company to develop a 'salted caramel brownie brown ale' that will be sold later this summer. It'll mark the first time you'll actually feel great after finishing a second pint of Ben & Jerry's." -Jimmy Fallon "Teenagers across the country have been participating in the Kylie Jenner Lips Challenge, in which they place a jar around their lips and suck in air in order to make their lips swell. While teenagers in China have been participating in something called 'school.'" -Seth Meyers "I wonder who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what on EARTH did he think he was doing?" -Billy Connolly "When we got married we registered at Bloomingdale's because you can return everything for cash. And I figure each place setting can keep me in beer money for about a month." --Gary Barkin "The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you've been overpaying all year long. It's like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, 'Oh, presents.'" -Jimmy Kimmel "It's April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good." -Conan O'Brien "According to a new poll, 57 percent of the people believe Hillary Clinton will be the next president. Now 43 percent of the people in that poll believe Hillary Clinton is already president." -Dave Letterman "A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die." -Conan O'Brien "Yesterday was my birthday. Every year my relatives from all over the country race to my house thinking it's going to be the reading of the will. " -Dave Letterman "Hillary Clinton announced that she is running. Then she drove from New York to Iowa in a van. You can't be president of the United States unless you agree to eat a corn dog in front of a small group of farmers." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************