Men In Tights & More ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
or Web Site:
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Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
===========================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
Well, it won't be long our youngsters will be going back to
school - some have already returned. As usual around this
time of year I check all the links on the FUN URLS page
to remove all the dead ones. I do this so the school kids
and parents especially will be able to have a reliable
resource for their study.
With over 3,150 links, I know that there is no way I can
make them all easy to find, but I do try to at least make
them as reliable as possible. However, this does take a lot
of time, so I only do it once a year. Visit it here:
FUN URLS
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
-<>-
>Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This one comes to us from not one, or two but three of our group
members! I of course figured it must be of importance to people
so did my best to get a page for it done. It is actually perfect
timing since we are coming up to the 9-11 aniversary. This page
is a tribute to it and was done on 8-11. Check it out here:
____,
/ __(__. )__
\-,_________//O= --/___________ _ _( ' )
~^~-~_`\ `-------------/| ( ` )__ , ___)^~_
~-^~~-_`\xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxSPUNK| /(. ' ) ' ___)' ~^~^
~~^-~_~^-` ~~^ ~^~ ~^-~^-~^~^^~`~~~-~^_~-^~. ' ~^~-^_~^
~~-~~~_^~~-~^_~^~^~^-~^_~^-~^~^-~^~_~^~-~^~-~_~`-^~^^^~
^~^~-~^~_~^~^-~^~^-~^_~^~^^-~^~-~^~^_^~^~ ~- ~~ ^~jgs
USS New York LPD-21 Tribute
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html
---
...Thanks Bunches Budha, Viv, & Jo Ann! This is an excellent one!
=================================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone:
':.
[]_____ Ten Step Guide To Being Handy Around The House
/\ \
___/ \__/\__\__
---/\___\ |''''''|__\-- --- 1. If you can't find a screwdriver,
||'''| |''||''|''| use a knife. If you break off the tip,
jgs``"""`"`""))""`""` it's an improved screwdriver.
2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it
isn't stupid.
4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are
there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-
old.
6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse;
see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch "on" ; or just paint
over it. __ __
(( (__)---(__) ))
7. Always take credit for miracles. If you //. '|' .\\
dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart ||_ | _||
and it suddenly starts working, you have ||. ' .||
healed it. \\ '/. ' //
'-:---:-'
8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, jgs /_______\
pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
9. If something looks level, it is level.
10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
==============================================================
+--------------------- Bizarre Trivia ---------------------+
Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using
products made for right handed people.
---
...PLEASE READ THE ABOVE AGAIN - See Why It Is Important To
try your best to have your little one use their RIGHT HAND?
This doesn't even talk about how many are hurt! If you want
the best for your baby, start handing them things to their
right hand and do all you can to make them prefer their right
hand right from the start - it is a right handed world! Think
about it - doors, locks, lights, scissors, on and off buttons
on your computer, monitor and printer, even the mouse on your
computer desk is intended for a right handed person. Those
that are lefties have to pay extra to get items made for a
left handed person! And of course they are at a disadvantage.
I learned this when my mom suddenly became a lefty by losing her
right hand. The world made it even more difficult for her. She
had to retrain her brain and deal with most things being awkward
just because she wasn't using the right hand and the thing wasn't
made for a person using the left hand to work it.
Taphephobia is the fear of being buried alive.
Clinophobia is the fear of beds.
The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can
grow undisturbed on it's fur.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. [Figures.]
Astronauts cannot cry. In space, there is no gravity, so
the tears can't flow.
A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you
can eat your plate.
In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs.
================================================================
{} {}
! ! ! II II ! ! !
! I__I__I_II II_I__I__I !
I_/|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|\_I
! /|_/| | | || || | | |\_|\ !
.--. I//| | | | || || | | | |\\I .--.
/- \ ! /|/ | | | | || || | | | | \|\ ! /= \
\=__ / I//| | | | | || || | | | | |\\I \-__ /
} { ! /|/ | | | | | || || | | | | | \|\ ! } {
{____} I//| | | | | | || || | | | | | |\\I {____}
__|= |=/|/ | | | | | | || || | | | | | | \|\=| |
__| ||/|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|\||- |
--|- ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-||= |
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|- || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||- |
__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|_|| |
--|= ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|-||- |
jgs- || | | | | | | | || || | | | | | | | ||= |
~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~
>-->From Our Friend Viv :)
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners ,
The alcoholics and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'
Live life such that, when you die, the preacher
will not have to tell lies.
---
...Funny one! Thanks Viv!
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
-=[wishing well ]=- 2/01
.-------------.
/= ^ =_ ^-_- = \
/^ ==_ -_ = _ ^ \
/ =_ ^ -_ = _ = \ If I throw a penny in
/_=_^___=_-^__=___=_^_\
__||____ ___ ____||_ How many pennies
`=||====//_\\====||=|_
|| |===| || '-' Will I get back?
||_..-|___|-.._||
|'-,._______..-'|
||__ | __] __]_| -Well = Deep Thoughts -
|_| ]__|__ _| __|
|__[ _ ]_ __[_ |
jgs |_| _ |_ ]_ _[_ |
`"-..........--"`
Beauty of Mathematics !!!!!!!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
---
...Pretty Neat! Thanks Jo Ann!!
Visit here for these cool numbers!
Numbers in Scripture - E.W. Bullinger
http://www.biblebelievers.org.au/number01.htm
==============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
,
_/ \_ *
< >
* /.'.\ *
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.'` '. _/ \_
, / `\ < >
_/ \_ | ,.---. \ /.'.\
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\_/ |___,' ; _/ \_
, |`---.___|_ / < >
* _/ \_ \ ` / /.'.\
< > '. _,' ` `
jgs /.'.\ `'------'` *
` `
My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen
about his or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest
historical event that happened during your childhood?"
"I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied.
She looked disappointed. "That dance was so important to you?"
-<>-
Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for
everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems
you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"
Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the
city to go around and remove all the money from parking
meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the
round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and
says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over
having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be
when you get your paycheck!"
Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his
face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket,
and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
-<>-
____/.-\_____ ________________,__________,___________,_
[____\__/_____]================'=========='==========='=D
/
jgs /
(
c_
(-)
)
(
J
A fisherman's wife was sitting by a tent in a clearing on
the bank of a river when along came the park ranger and said,
"Excuse me ma'am but I need to speak to your husband. Can you
tell me where he is?"
She replied, pointing to a clump of reeds. "Go over there and
look for the pole with a worm on both ends."
-<>-
A man who owner a local grocery store was out delivering
orders in his station wagon when he hit and injured a little,
old lady. The lady sued and was awarded an amount large
enough to drive the man out of business.
After difficult times he managed to accumulate enough to try
again. But a few months after opening his doors he struck an
old gentleman with his delivery truck. The gentleman sued
and collected big damages, enough to ruin the merchant yet
again.
On a peaceful Sunday the grocer was sitting in his living
room when his little boy entered and called out, "Father,
Father, Mother's been run over by a great big bus."
The grocer's eyes filled with tears, and in a voice trembling
with emotion he cried, "Thank the Lord, my luck's changed at
last."
==============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From CoffeeBreak:
U.S. cops battle gas-pump card skimming
The U.S. Secret Service says it is investigating the
nationwide use of gas-pump skimming devices that steal
credit card numbers. The agency told USA Today that scams
in several states have netted crooks hundreds of thousands
of dollars from unsuspecting pay-at-the-pump customers.
"Card fraud at gas pumps is a significant problem and that's
because of the unintended nature of the checkout devices,"
James Van Dyke, president of a consulting firm that focuses
on fraud prevention, told the newspaper. "Essentially,
every gas pump is an electronic cash register." The scam
relies on small hard-to-detect electronic devices that are
attached to the card readers on gas pumps. The devises
capture the data on the card's magnetic strip as it is
passed through the slot. USA Today said sizable incidents
of skimming were under way in at least five states.
26 teen cheerleaders trapped in elevator
Police at the University of Texas in Austin said emergency
responders freed 26 teen cheerleaders that had crammed into
an elevator, causing the doors to jam. Campus police said
the group of 14-to-17-year-olds attending Texas Cheer Camp
packed themselves into an elevator that successfully
descended from the fourth floor of Jester Hall to the ground
floor. But once the elevator arrived at its intended
destination, the doors would not open, The Dallas Morning
News reported Wednesday. The girls used cell phones to
call for help but they were trapped for about 25 minutes
while a repairman worked on the doors, police said.
One of the girls was treated at a hospital and released
after the ordeal caused her to faint. Two others were
treated at the scene for minor ailments. "It's dangerous
actually," said Rhonda Weldon, director of communications
for the UT Police Department. "They're lucky that that's
all that happened." "Take the sign seriously," she said.
"There are signs everywhere: No more than 15 people or
3,000 pounds."
Sweden says 'no mail' to British woman
Sweden's postal service declines to discuss its refusal to
deliver the mail to a British woman because her mailbox is
on the wrong side of the road. Ginny Rankin, who hails
from the island of Jersey off the English coast, had no
trouble receiving mail in the box in front of her house
until her route was changed to a different distribution
center, The Local reported Wednesday. The postman of that
distribution center arrives at her house from the opposite
direction, meaning he'd have to get out of his vehicle and
walk across the street to put the mail in her box. Rankin
received a letter saying her mailbox had to be moved across
the street if she wanted to continue receiving mail. "I
didn't think they were serious," she said, adding that they
wanted her to place her mailbox on someone else's property.
"It's almost like they're the mafia holding our post as
ransom." Sweden's postal service had no comment on the
situation.
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Possible lung found floating in canal ----------
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - A St. Petersburg, Fla., research
biologist said he discovered what appeared to be a lung
floating in a canal behind his home. The man said he
phoned authorities and turned the object over to the St.
Petersburg Police Department medical examiner, the St.
Petersburg Times reported. The medical examiner's office
has yet to confirm whether the object was indeed a lung
and, if so, whether it came from a human or an animal.
-- Naked cyclists protest oil dependence -----------
ST. LOUIS - Hundreds of nearly-nude bikers and curious
onlookers have descended on St. Louis for a 10-mile ride
protesting U.S. dependence on oil, participants said. The
World Naked Bike Ride, which has been held in about 70
cities across the globe since 2004, came to St. Louis for
the first time Saturday night as nude and nearly-nude
cyclists rode their bikes from the city's Tower Grove
Park to the Grove neighborhood, the St. Louis Post-
Dispatch reported Monday. Spectators said many of the
riders got creative with strategically covering up certain
body parts, with thongs, pasties and body paint becoming
common sights at the event. Onlooker Don Biekert, 50,
of Centralia, Ill., said the ride made for an amusing
spectacle, but "this ain't nothing like Mardi Gras."
-- Tights for men a hit in Britain -------------
LONDON - British tights manufacturers say sales of sheer,
patterned and support tights for men have ballooned in
recent months. Kieran Hughes, director of the tights maker
Precious Collections, said men are increasingly saying
they find the products to be practical and comfortable
additions to their wardrobes, The Daily Telegraph reported
Monday. "I don't know what is going on -- sales have gone
mad," Hughes said. "In the past two months we have gone
from selling 300 pairs of tights a month to men in the
U.K., to selling more than 1,000." "German men have been
wearing them for years. More than 50 percent of German
men wear tights, including famous German football players.
I can't imagine many footballers here doing that," Hughes
said.
================================================================
>-->Speaking of Men In Tights - From ScreamOfTheCrop:
T~~
|
/"\
T~~ |'| T~~
T~~ | T~ WWWW|
| /"\ | | |/\T~~
/"\ WWW /"\ |' |WW|
WWWWW/\| / \|'/\|/"\
| /__\/]WWW[\/__\WWWW
|" WWWW'|I_I|'WWWW' |
| |' |/ - \|' |' |
|' | |LI=H=LI|' | |
| |' | |[_]| | |' |
jgs | | |_|###|_| | |
'---'--'-/___\-'--'---'
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as
long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a
year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no
answer, he would be put to death
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would
perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed
an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted
the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would
have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the
kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to
the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree
to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the
Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only
one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and
the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....
is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed..
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she
appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed
self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to
show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an
old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day,
but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate
moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below.
BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the
time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of
her own life.
Now ...what is the moral to this story?
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
.....Things are going to get ugly.
-<>-
Q: How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
A: They Take The Psycho Path
Q: How Do You Get Holy Water?
A: You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
Q: What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
A: Polaroids
Q: What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A: A Stick
Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.
Q: What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
A: Spoiled Milk.
===============================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
Beats Shopping
Last summer my wife and I met a couple who were friends of my
wife at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to go
shopping, and I invited the man to go sailing. While we were
out on the water, a storm blew up. The tide had gone out, and
we were down wind trying to work our way back through a narrow
channel. At one point the boat grounded and we had to climb
overboard and shove with all our might to get it back in deep
water.
As my new friend stood there, ankle deep in muck, the wind
blowing his hair wildly, rain streaming down his face, he
grinned at me, and with unmistakable sincerity said, "Sure
beats shopping."
===
This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day
Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day
parable drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or to
ajokeaday7-subscribe@topica.com. Please leave this attached if you
forward this to friends or post on the net.
-<>-
>DON'T WAIT FOR AN INVITATION By Zelig Pliskin
When it comes to doing acts of kindness for others, don't wait until
you are asked. As soon as you recognize a need, volunteer to do
something about it. Let your love for kindness be so strong that you
cherish each opportunity. Take the initiative to approach people you
can help and don't necessarily wait until they approach you. You
don't need a formal invitation to ask someone, "What can I do for
you?"
The author's students told him the following examples:
I knew a person who always had with him numerous items people
frequently needed. Items such as pens and pencils, scissors, erasers,
rubber bands, paper clips, needle and thread, scotch tape, a small
hole puncher, a stapler, envelopes, sheets of paper, stamps, adhesive
bandages. When someone needed any of these items he immediately
volunteered, "Here, I have some I can give you."
I have a friend who doesn't wait for anyone to ask him for
directions. When he sees someone looking at a map, he asks, "Can I
help you?" If he hears someone asking for directions and the response
wasn't clear, he approaches the person and tells him step by step how
to get to his destination.
I remember commenting in passing to someone I hardly knew that I was
short of money. He immediately offered to lend me a large sum. I
later heard that this was his usual practice. He didn't wait until
someone asked him for a loan.
My father would always look for opportunities to give people rides
even if they didn't ask him.
When I carry something heavy, I am very grateful to those who ask if
they can help me carry it. I prefer not to bother people and ask them
unless I absolutely can't manage myself.
An acquaintance of mine approaches new people in town and says,
"Hello, I think you are new here. I'm a long time resident.
That would you like to know about our city?"
Whenever my cousin goes shopping, she asks others, "What do you need
in the store that I can get you?"
My brother has a cellphone. When he hears someone say, "I have to
make a call. Where is the closest phone?" he offers the use of his
cellular phone.
When someone offers to do an act of kindness for you without your
asking, add that to your mental library of what you, too, can do
for others without their having to ask you.
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press
==================================================================
>-->From Jokecentral:
FBI Agent
3 men where at the FBI Building for a job
interview.
The first man walked into the office . The
interviewing FBI agent said "To be in the FBI you
must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all.
Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go
in there and shoot her with this gun." The man
took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't
do it."
The next interviewee came into the office. The
Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal,
dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in
the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot
her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked
into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.
The last man came into the office. The
inverviewer said "To be in the FBI you must be
loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife
is in the next room. I want you to go in there
and shoot her with this gun." The man took the
gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6
shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.
The man came out of the room and said "Someone
loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to
death with the curtain railing!"
-<>-
>Weird World - BBC [2004]
____
/\\ \
__// \\ \____
/\ // \\ /\ \
//\\/ ' ' \//\\ \
// '\\ ' ' // \\___\
| ' ' ' ' ' ' |. .|
| ' ' ' ' ' ' |. .|
| ' ' '_' ' ' |. .|
| ' ' / \ ' ' |. .|
jgs |_'_'_|#|_'_'_|_.-'
Toilet seats and brushes, a medieval sword and a door hinge,
are among items stolen from hotel rooms, according to a new survey.
A hotel owner's dog, a four foot high wooden bear, and a spy hole from a
hotel room door are among others.
The survey of 1,000 hoteliers by Caterer and Hotelkeeper magazine found
pilfering by customers was widespread, with towels top of the list.
But the BBC reports that guests can also leave surprising items behind,
such as false teeth, false eyeballs, wigs and toupees.
As many as 6% reported people having left their family member behind
before checking out.
Four per cent of those questioned had found artificial arms and legs.
A third of hoteliers said towels were the most commonly stolen items
from their rooms, with one in five reporting bathrobes stolen as well.
More than 10% of staff reported toilet rolls as the items most often
taken and 1% said penny-pinching guests would even steal the light
bulbs from their rooms.
-<>-
>Still More Church Bloopers
.
-|-
|
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| /_\ | | | /_\ |
| |_| | .|. | |_| |
| |__|__| |
jgs '----[_______]----'
=======
======
======
~ Song Lyrics: What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and briefs to bear.
~ Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across
the street: Safeway saves you more!
~ For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care
and pray for the children in school). When their
meeting was cancelled one week: There will be no
Moms who care this week.
~ This one I said myself during the
congregational prayer when leading prayer for our
unsaved loved ones: Father, we just want to pray
for our unloved saved ones.
~ A woman's blouse was found at a table in the
middle of the servant appreciation dinner. If you
lost your blouse, please come to the church
office.
~ Overeaters Anonymous meeting will be held at 8
pm in the large room.
~ The ladies in the style show will meet with
their dresses down in front after morning
worship.
~ A worm welcome to all who have come today.
~ Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford"
~ Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the
information sheep.
~ Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
~ Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
~ Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
~ For the word of God is quick and powerful
...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup
and spirit.
~ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
Please remember those who are shut-in during bath
weather.
~ We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
~ May God give us increasing hunger for the Blob.
~ Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows
~ Child care provided with reservations.
~ Tonight, Pastor will preach on "Diving
Healing."
~ Janet Smith has volunteered to strip, and
refinish the communion table in the sanctuary.
~ Were you there when they laid Him in the bomb?
~ Christ is a member of Boy Scout Troop 36.
~ Please come...you will be gald you did.
~ Mark your calendars not to attend the church
retreat.
~ My joke is easy and my burden is light.
~ I was hungry and you gave me something to eat;
I was thirty and you gave me drink.
~ We are an autonomous body, opearting under the
hardship of Jesus Christ.
~ The Honeymooners are now having bile studies
each Tuesday evening at 7:30 p.m.
~ Hymn of Invitation: "Whoever He Leads I'll Go"
~ The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.
~ Worshipers are asked to wail until all have
been served to partake of the Body and the Blood
of Christ.
~ Pray for continual growth in the lives of many
of our teens--that a food foundation will be laid
in their lives.
~ Boars of Trustees
~ We are always happy to have you sue our
facility.
~ I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever
believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall
be live.
~ Hymn: I Need Three Every Hour
~ All children are requested to bring fresh
followers to decorate the cross for Easter Sunday.
~ The King's Bras will present a concert at our
church this evening at 6.
~ Women in the Word starts next week. There are
several different studies to choose from. Ladies,
make sure you sign up for a stud before next week.
This week's sermon: "When is Sex Not Enough?"
Opening Hymn: "I Need Thee Every Hour"
-<>-
.',
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>Winter Weather Tips
The following is a list of informative
tips to help you survive the cold winter
months and to prevent personal injury.
We offer these to you because we love you.
Excessive vehicle damage and personal
injury can result from the tossing
of frozen skunks, possums, raccoons,
squirrels, etc. The use of frozen roadkill
as decorative hood ornaments is in
bad taste, and in some states, prohibited
by law.
Please refrain from placing lips and
tongues on metallic exterior surfaces of
vehicles such as bumpers, hoods, and
license plates. Although mufflers and
engine parts on a running automobile
typically do not pose a cold weather
hazard, they do introduce extreme heat
complications and therefore all lip and
tongue contact should be avoided.
Icicles are not Q-tips and should not
be used as such. Also, do not jam icicles
into eyes. It can impair vision and!
hurts like the dickens!
Avoid leaving wet pets such as fish,
newts, frogs, and turtles, on sidewalks
and driveways for extended periods of
time.
o \
o `. o
o o o \ `
-. .-.-. .---. .-.,-.,-. ..-. /
)| | `'____\' o _____\|| `
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| || |( \_\||___|| | _,.(|___)-.
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o | | ||..|.| o _ |-. _.-.
`.-.|._|_.-:|__|_|-.-' `-'.__ o
o '--`-` o - SSt
When swimming in rivers and lakes,
remember to use the buddy system.
If you must go outside naked, remember
to wear a hat as the head is the
number one source of heat loss in the
human body.
If your main source of transportation
is the back of a pickup truck, avoid
standing for extended periods of time.
Although the use of kitty litter has
proven effective for automobiles in
gaining traction on slick pavement, the
use of litters of kitties has never
worked, and never will.
Travel only when necessary. Examples
of necessary travel include:
Emergency hospitalization or medical
prescription needs; Delivery or purchase
of emergency heating fuels and
staple foods such as doughnuts, slim
jims, cake frosting, beer (the sweet
juice of freedom), pork rind! s, anchovy
paste, Yoohoos, and Chex Mix; Return
of video rentals; Check cashing; Having
pets neutered and/or spayed; Visiting
the local tattoo parlor; Purchase of
Beany Babies at MacDonalds; Returning
defective kitchen appliances to
Walmart.
Thank you for your time and attention
and have a safe and happy season.
Thanks to Fred McQuire, Okmulgee County EM for this week's
funny.
-<>-
Drummer when I grow up
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer
when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
-<>-
The Test
\\\\\//////
.-""-. \\\\\\//////
/ _ _ \ [[[[[[[]]]]]]]]
|(_)(_)| /////////\\\\\\
( /\ ) //// ~0 ( 0~ \\\\
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_||_ / . Y . _/\
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| _) _.' | --:-- | \ \
jgs \___)-' | --:-- | \ \
Three men who were lost in the forest were
captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the
prisoners that they could live if they pass a
trial. The first step of the trial was to go to
the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of
fruit. So all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I
brought ten apples." The king then explained the
trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up
your butt without any expression on your face or
you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one
he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten
berries. When the king explained the trial to him
he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth
berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you
almost got away with it?" The second one replied,
"I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming
with pineapples."
-<>-
i______i
I______I
I I
I______I
/ /I
(______( I Chair Test
I I I I
I I
Van Moniek
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one
question final exam after a semester dealing with
a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when
the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on
his desk and wrote on the board: "Using
everything we have learned this semester, prove
that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were
filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote
over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute
the existence of the chair. One member of the
class however, was up and finished in less than a
minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted,
the rest of the group wondered how he could have
gotten an A when he had barely written anything
at all.
His answer consisted of two words:
"What chair?"
=====================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
>All I Need To Know About Life,
.= , =.
_ _ /'/ )\,/,/(_ \ \
`//-.| ( ,\\)\//\)\/_ ) |
//___\ `\\\/\\/\/\\///' /
,-"~`-._ `"--'_ `"""` _ \`'"~-,_
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`\\/`~(, '() ('
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// \\ `\'` /
jgs / | || `""""~"`
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`o
I Learned From A Cow
Wake up in a happy mooo-d.
Don't cry over spilled milk.
When chewing your cud, remember:
There's no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!
The grass is green on the other side of the fence.
Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.
Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!
It's better to be seen and not herd.
Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.
Never take any bull from anybody.
Always let them know who's the bossy.
Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.
Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.
Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.
-<>-
.-.
## )
*
_.-+*'`*+-._
,## _ _ #.
;### ((.;;.)) ##:
.=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=,
>##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###<
---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l
`-""-'
A rancher was helping one of his cows give birth, when he
noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence,
wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event.
The rancher thought to himself, "Great, now I'm gonna have
to explain the 'birds and bees'. Well, no need to jump the
gun. I'll just let him ask the questions and I'll answer as
best I can."
After everything was over, the rancher walked over to his
son and said, "Well, son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was
that calf going when he hit the cow?"
================================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
>From Our Friend John-Paul :)
Hummer Nest
http://community-2.webtv.net/Velpics/HUM/
---
...Sweet! Thanks John-Paul!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Viv :)
08-08-08 WILL BE REMEMBERED for Crop Circles, too...
http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/2008/080808/080808.html
---
...Crop Circles are fun! Thanks Viv!
Crop Circle Mystery
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery.html
-<>-
>From Linky&Dinky:
IF YOU'RE SO WORLDLY,
how come you can't guess
these accents?
http://www.languagetrainersgroup.com/accent_game.html
Time traveller from 900 B.C.
arrives today, looks around, says:
"WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY ALPHABET?"
http://tinyurl.com/32oqql
ANIMALS IN MOTION
Pretty slick
http://www.stevebloom.com/pages/slide_untamed.html
-<>-
>From TheMouth:
TALL OR NOT
Ever wonder just how much taller Andre the Giant is than
you? Just enter your height, and then compare your height
to hundreds of celebrities! Pretty cool!
http://www.ringophone.com/TallOrNot.swf
COFFEE GEEK
Coffee Geek is a great site for coffee lovers everywhere.
Browse the various sections of the site to find consumer
and Coffee Geek reviews, How-to Guides as well as a host
of interesting articles about the worldwide Coffee and
Espresso industry.
http://coffeegeek.com/
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Marlene w/ If Jesus Comes
http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML6/IfJesusComes.html
Melva/A Good Friend Is Like
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Friendship2/AGoodFriend.html
The Train of Life
http://www.lindwa.com/Train.htm
Ken w/ Gods Special Angels
http://gospelman.info/kenspoems/godsspecialangels.html
MOMENT BY MOMENT
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/MOMENTBYMOMENT.HTML
Trunk Monkey Chaperone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/070203.htm
Tuck In Shirt
http://www.buffaloschips.com/070204.htm
Turkey
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7701.htm
Turkish Gillette
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7702.htm
Uncle Jay
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7703.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
=============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thoughts:
"President Bush arrived in China for the Games. He spent
most of the day driving around looking for a Panda
Express."
- Jay Leno
"China has ordered restasurants to remove dog from their
menus for the duration of the Olympics. That's not good
news for some fast food restaurants like Dog O Bell...
McDognalds... and Ken-Puppy Fried Chicken."
- Jimmy Kimmel
"When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody."
- W. S. Gilbert
"We need not worry so much about what man descends from-it's
what he descends to that shames the human race."
--Mark Twain
"Scotch Tape has been designated a national historic
chemical landmark. It's only the second time in history
something's been designated a chemical landmark. The
first was the state of New Jersey."
-Jay Leno
"Police in Germany say they arrested a man in a wheel chair
for breaking into a building. They say the man would have
gotten away, but they shot out his tires."
-Conan O'Brien
"When a man says he approves of something in principle, it
means he hasn't the slightest intention of carrying it out
in practice." --Otto von Bismarck
"Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-
comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather
engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects
in other people's characters."
--Margaret Halsey
Worth Repeating......
"You work eight hours, and you sleep eight hours — be sure
they're not the same eight hours."
--T. Boone Pickens
---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSEE :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html
Shangrala
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Seervice
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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