Men Rules And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News' :) : \ _ / -= (_) =- ,________|_] | // // // | |//_//_//_/| ||""""""""|| ||________|| |.========.| jgs || || I'm still working on the editing of pages to replace the small share button with a larger one. This should make it easier for folks to use and hopefully we'll get a whole bunch more likes and shares! As always, it will take me some time to go through all the pages. :) -<>- >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This new hot page is from forward compiled from our friends Linda, Nancy, LouiseA, and Geniann. Today's amazing photography let's us see things in a mere split second allowing some very funny captures! Check these out here... / .- __ |/,-'` `-.\ _.-'''-._ \\ .--. _.;.--._.--.;._ _\\/_`~\\ _ .-. .` /( / \ )\ `|. \\ |--' | \ | | ; '-' '-' ; |~~~~~| _\ \| |__ | (_) | | '__|_ (_` _)| . . | |. (__ \ `', |` | `-.___.-' | | (__ | | | ; | : | ; | '(___ | | | \ | : | / | . | | | \____'._| : |_.'___;====| | \ | : | / jgs '------. '._.' .---------'` | | | . ~ . | | | | | |____.____| /===========\ ;:. | .::. ; |:' |_'::' | | .:. | | |__':'_|___.::| [______I______] Got A Nanosecond 5? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano5.html --- ...Hilarious! Love this series! Thanks so much Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: They Tried To Bribe The Judge _.--._ Taking his seat in his chambers, __..--'` ( ) `'--..__ the judge faced the opposing (____..--'`||`'--..____) lawyers. "So," he said, O || O "I have been presented, by both /|\ || /|\ of you, with a bribe." / | \ || / | \ / | \ || / | \ Both lawyers squirmed /___|___\ || /___|___\ uncomfortably. (____|____) || (____|____) \_______/ || \_______/ "You, attorney Leon, gave me || $15,000. And you, attorney __||__ Campos, gave me $10,000." ____/` `\____ /` `-......-' `\ The judge reached into his jgs `._ _.' pocket and pulled out a check. '--..........--' He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 13 is Scrabble Day April 14 is Ex Spouse Day and International Moment of Laughter Day April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day and Titanic Remembrance Day April 16 is National Librarian Day and National Stress Awareness Day April 17 is Bat Appreciation Day and Blah, Blah, Blah Day April 18 is International Juggler's Day and Newspaper Columnists Day April 19 is National Garlic Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Homonyms The kids in my third-grade class were struggling with the day's lesson on homonyms (words that sound alike). I'd said the word "I" and wanted them to guess the sound-alike word "eye," but they just couldn't. Finally I pointed to my eye. Bingo! One boy got it. He shouted out, "Crow's-feet!" -<>- .-""-._ / ___/ \ _&_ _.--""|/ `\| // \\ .' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \ / | _ | \ // / \ \\ | _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\ | .' \____/-._ | .-"-. | / `; /# \ | / / _|_.---\ | | |.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-. / \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="} /--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="} / \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-; | /`| | \ | |||| || | /_ | |_______/ | |||| || | \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._|| | | | | || |> |______| |____________|._ || _..-;| | [___] | `||() || |______ |\/|____________|jgs|| () (__) \__/ (__) () >Men Rules So it's about time we men laid down some rules. These are our rules! Please note, these are all numbered "1" on purpose! 1. Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. "Yes" or "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer that you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. And if you already know the best way to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey or golf. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape! Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. -<>- >Paid For My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments. We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for, and it leaks." -<>- >Watering the Plants I walked into the lobby of my apartment building recently and was greeted by this notice: "To whoever is watering these plants, please stop. They are the property of the building and our maintenance staff will take care of them. They may have already been watered, in which case you will be over watering them. Besides, these plants are fake." -<>- >Weight Loss Bet My sister and I were discussing our mutual weight problem one evening, when I challenged her to a contest. If I lost the most weight in the next month, I wouldn't have to pay the $50 that I owed her. If she lost the most weight, I would have to pay double. Anything for an incentive! "All right," she said happily. "But let's wait two weeks before we start. There are some things I have to eat first." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) __...__ .--""``` ```""--. ':--..___ ___..--:' \ ``` / .-` ___.....___ '-. .:-""`` ~ ~ ``""-:. /`-..___ ~ ~ ~___..-'\ / ~ '`""-----""` \ ; ; ; '::. ' .:' _. ; |~ .:' . _ ':. | | ':. . ~ . _ .: | ; '::. _ /|| .;' ; ; ': ( } \||D ; \.'.:':. | /\__,=_[_] / \ ':. ~ |_\__ |----| ` / '.'::._| |/ |--. | ~.' '.-' | /_ | |`'.' jgs (`'--..._____...--'`) `"--...__ __...--"` ` >Smiles The day I arrived in Seattle it was raining. I woke up the next morning and it was still raining. It also rained the day after that, and the day after that. And the day after that. On one of my rare trips out of the house I happened to see a young child. Out of despair I asked, "Does it ever stop raining around here?" The child replied, "How should I know? I'm only eight." ------ An American football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right. Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!" -------- An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm... An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He reports. "She got in the back seat by mistake." -------- A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table." The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the bottom with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags!" -<>- |`-._ .-' `-.-;"\. .--------------------------------..-.. _ .-'\ | /o\ | \\\ |\ ________________________________\\ \\\/ \\ | | ///\ | | __ __ _ __ __ _ __ __ __ ||-||| '. \/ //////| | | |__|__/_\ |__|__|_| |__|__|__| || ||| ///////| | | |__|__)__) |__|_| __.--|__| ||_||| . ////////| | | |__|__|_/ |__|__ _ |__|--'__ | . || \'..'///////// | | |__| |__|__|_| |__|__|__| |( )|| `--`///////; \| | ' ||---. ,,,//////////// jgs'---------------------------------'---' `.//////////////' ```=///////=' >Blond Man Jokes A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?" "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do. It say it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." ----- A blond man sees a letter lying on his doormat. The envelope says, "DO NOT BEND." He spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. ----- A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the 911 operator. "No, you idiot! This is her husband!" ----- A blond man is driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree. He manages to maneuver around it but just then there's another. After he gets around that there's another, then another. A policeman pulls him over, and he tells the officer about the trees. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging around!" ----- A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" ----- "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat." ----- A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." "Let's hope it's not the 13th." ----- Two blond men find three grenades. After some discussion they agree to take them to the police station. One says, "What if one explodes before we get there?" "We'll lie and say we only found two." --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ====================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .---. /==()=\ #_ _# ( e` `e ) | U | \ = / |\___/| ___/: :\___ /` < `\ /` > `\ / `\ |_| /` \ ; [MD] \| |/ |I! ; jgs | | | |"""| | | | \ / \___/ | | | Y | | >Hospital Chart Bloopers... Now, this is why our children need to learn how to write properly ....but then we wouldn't have these laughs! ? 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Even Arnold Schwarzenegger knew you don't stow away on an airplane in the wheel well. Jumping from a moving jet is better than freezing to death in the unpressurized under- belly at 45,000 feet. But maybe the movie 'Commando' isn't very popular in Indonesia, because a man there took a free ride in the landing gear of an aircraft this week, and actually survived the high-altitude flight of nearly two hours in thin air and sub-zero temperatures. Mario Stevan Ambarita, 21, was spotted staggering around the tarmac at Jakarta airport, shortly after the Garuda Indonesia domestic flight landed from Sumatra Island to the north. "The case was quite a surprise to us," Garuda CEO Arif Wibowo told reporters. The stowaway scaled a 8-foot fence to reach the aircraft, where he tucked himself into the rear wheel housing. He collapsed after the flight and was taken to hospital with a bleeding ear and other light injuries before spending the night in a police cell. "He said he wanted to meet Jokowi," a spokesman for Soekarno- Hatta Airport Police said, referring to Indonesian President Joko Widodo by his nickname. According to local media reports, Ambarita had spent up to a year studying aircraft taking off and landing, had learned from the Internet how to hide in the wheel well and had made an unsuccessful attempt in the past to hitch a free plane ride. *-- Police: Laser pointer suspect had pot in his rectum --* ORMOND BEACH, Fla. (UPI) - Police in Florida said a man arrested for aiming a laser pointer at motorists was found to be concealing a bag of suspected marijuana in his rectum. Ormond Beach police said officers investigating a report of a person shining a laser pointer at a woman's face while she was driving Sunday determined Jesse Roepcke, 27, had aimed his laser at the woman and multiple other drivers while he was a passenger in a car driven by his girlfriend, Brandie Tate, 28. Police said Roepcke, who told officers he was "just having fun" with the laser pointer and didn't know shining it at motorists was illegal, had a smoking device that smelled like marijuana in his possession. The suspect was taken to the Volusia County Jail, where officers conducting a strip search said a bag of a leafy green substance fell out of his rectum. The contents of the bag smelled like marijuana, police said. Roepcke was charged with pointing a laser at a driver or pilot, possession or use of narcotic paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and smuggling contraband into a prison. He was ordered held in lieu of $4,250 bail. *-- Australian police: Drunken man ate glass beer bottle --* WAGAMAN, Australia (UPI) - Australian authorities said a man was hospitalized after he drunkenly ate a glass beer bottle during a family gathering. Northern Territory Police Superintendent Louise Jorgensen said police received an emergency call just after 9 p.m. Wednesday about a man at a family gathering in Wagaman who chewed and swallowed a glass beer bottle "and then went for a lie down." "His family then called police and St. John [Ambulance], and he was taken to Royal Darwin Hospital," Jorgensen said. Jorgensen said the call was one of 500 made to police between 3 p.m. and 11 p.m. Wednesday. She said drunken hijinks such as the bottle- eating man are a drain on police resources. "People are dismayed when we can't respond to their jobs immediately, but this is why -- because of all these other jobs that are coming in," she said. "We got 500 calls [Wednesday] evening, and about 450 on Tuesday," Jorgensen said. "Most of them are domestics, or anti-social and drunk behavior." *-- Chinese man's 17 girlfriends discover each other during hospital visit --* CHANGSHA, China (UPI) - A philandering Chinese man who secretly had 17 girlfriends was exposed when all of his paramours arrived at the same time to visit him in the hospital. The Changsha man, identified by the surname Yuan, was hospitalized March 24 with non-life-threatening injuries from a car accident and doctors got into contact with a number of people they believed to be family members. However, the 17 people who turned up at the hospital were revealed to be Yuan's girlfriends, who were unaware of each others' existence until they all arrived at the hospital at the same time. A girlfriend who identified herself as Xiao Li said she has spoken with several of the other women and discovered many of them had been regularly giving him money. She said one of the women had been supporting him financially for nine years. Yuan, who also allegedly fabricated his education background to get a job with a large company, is facing a fraud charge after he allegedly bilked his ex-wife of more than $40,000. *-- N.Y. woman gets permission to serve divorce papers via Facebook --* NEW YORK (UPI) - A New York judge granted a woman permission to serve divorce papers to her elusive husband via Facebook message. Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Matthew Cooper ruled Ellanora Baidoo, 26, "is granted permission serve defendant with the divorce summons using a private message through Facebook." "This transmittal shall be repeated by plaintiff's attorney to defendant once a week for three consecutive weeks or until acknowledged" by Victor Sena Blood-Dzraku, Baidoo's husband, Cooper wrote in his decision. Andrew Spinnell, Baidoo's lawyer, said Blood-Dzraku has proven difficult to find and only communicates with his client via phone and Facebook. The court heard Baidoo and Blood-Dzraku were married in a civil ceremony in 2009, but the relationship fell apart when Blood-Dzraku backed out of his promise to follow-up the wedding with a traditional Ghanaian wedding ceremony attended by the couple's families. Cooper's ruling said the "last address plaintiff has for defendant is an apartment that he vacated in 2011." Baidoo "has spoken with defendant by telephone on occasion, and he has told her that he has no fixed address and no place of employment. He has also refused to make himself available to be served with divorce papers." "The post office has no forwarding address for him, there is no billing address linked to his prepaid cellphone, and the Department of Motor Vehicles has no record of him," Cooper wrote in the decision, which is dated March 27. Spinnell said the first Facebook message was sent last week. "So far, he hasn't responded," Spinnell told the New York Daily News. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .---. ,;;;, / _ _ \ ///\\\\ # . . # \/. .\/ ( \ ) ( \ ) \ = / \ - / ./'---'\. .-/_'-'_\-. /`/ \`.`/ \`\ / `:` \ ; ,\ | . | /, ; ; , : , ; | | >| . |< | | | | : | | | | \| . |/ | | \ \ : / / | | | . | | | \ '._:_.' / | | |===| | | '._/ { \_.' | | | | | | | `-'-` | |-|_/ \_ \_|-| | , | \_| | |_/ | | | |_ | _| |_ | _| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |___|___| |___|___| / / \ \ / / \ \ jgs(__/ \__) (__/ \__) A man and his friend were exiting a drugstore and at the front door there was a scale. "Look, a scale," the man said to his friend. "Let's see how my new diet is working out." He stepped on the scale. "I can't believe it!" he said as he read the result. "I've been on this diet for two weeks but the scale says I'm heaver than I was before! How can that be?" He pondered this as he stepped off the scale, then had a thought. He took off his jacket and handed it to his friend. "Here, hold my jacket," he said. The friend took the jacket as the man stepped back on the scale. Not much change. "Here," he said as he handed his purchase from the drugstore to his friend. "Hold my Twinkies too." -<>- The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do for you; I'm a psychologist." "A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can't you help us?" "Well," he finally responded in a measured tone. "How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?" -<>- An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?" "Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that read, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath.'" -<>- A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone. Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000. He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room. "How did you do?" asked the bride. The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars." -<>- A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray. "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!" -<>- My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none, the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long thought this, though she would deny it. She claimed she seldom, if ever made comments about my driving. I, of course, claimed the opposite. Now I have proof. The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter piped up, "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?" -<>- I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment. One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it. "So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked. Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said, "that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter." There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered about that," he said. -<>- .""```'. / \ \ / / `\__/ | .' _ _| \(` 6 6 | _\ | | \ ._ / | '.__/ .'` \ |_ jgs '-__ / `- Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk." "Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you are with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life." "Don't worry," she said. "I don't plan on ruining my life until I get married." -<>- As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset." She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference." -<>- My 14-year-old daughter, Maggie, and her best friend, Joannie are fans of 60's music. They recently got front-row tickets to attend a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert in our town. When they returned home from the concert that night, I wanted to hear all the details of the concert. My daughter says, "Mom, during the show, we looked back an saw hundreds of little lights swaying to the music. At first we thought people were holding up cigarette lighters. Then we realized that the lights were the reflections off all the eyeglasses in the audience!" -<>- In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a "barrister." My 13-year-old daughter wasn't impressed. "So," she said, "he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?" -<>- My wife is a very adventurous cook. "How does this sound?" she called out from the kitchen. "Bonito, surimi, and anchovies in a decadent, silky broth." "Sounds delicious," I hollered back. "Is that what we're having tonight?" "No. I'm reading from this packet of cat food." -<>- Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in, sits down and asks him what the problem is. "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home." "What kind of question?" asked Tom. "My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly." "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'". "Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO...'" -<>- ,/////\\, ,/////////\\\ ,///////////\\\\ //// __ _\\ /// // \ // \ /, \\_O/ \\_O/ \_ \ | \ ,__> / |\ ,____ / | \ \__| / | '._____/ | | /``"--._ \/`\ jgs / \| /`--. /```""--..__;.' `\ >Actual Replies to 'I love you, sweetheart' In a morning Bible study, a group of women were studying how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husbands?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" A few women answered today, some said yesterday, and some didn't remember. The women were then asked to take their phones and send the text message, "I love you, sweetheart." After a few minutes, the women were asked to exchange phones and read aloud the responding text messages. Here are some of the replies: 1. Who is this? 2. Uh, mother of my children, are you sick? 3. I love you too. 4. What now? Did you wreck the car again? 5. I don't understand what you mean. 6. What did you do now? 7. ?!!??? 8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need? 9. Am I dreaming? 10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day. 12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn't she? -<>- .'| () .-' | / .-} /.-} | .-} / |_| ( |_|-.| |_|/\ (_), \(_) (_) / | \X\ | \\ | \/ |\_/\\_ |\_/ |\_\ |:| \/ |:| \:\ |:| |:| |\:| j|:| |:| ||:| ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >Music Tests Maybe this is why they don't teach music in high school any more. Following are actual answers from students on music tests... - The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna. - Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines. - Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. - All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know ex- actly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants. - Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue. - Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco. - A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. - Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing. - Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys. - I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say. - Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical com- positions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. - Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti. -<>- .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '=====================================,sSSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE ,sSSS` "> .:. SSSS@ =) \~/ C|||' SSSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________< \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ >Some of the best Norm Peterson quotes from "Cheers": "What's shaking, Norm?" "All four cheeks and a couple of chins." "What's new, Normie?" "Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer." "What'd you like, Normie?" "A reason to live. Give me another beer." "What'll you have, Normie?" "Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap." "Looks like beer, Norm." "Call me Mister Lucky." "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?" "Like a baby treats a diaper." "What's the story, Mr. Peterson?" "The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending." "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you." "I know, if she calls, I'm not here." "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?" "A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'" "Whatcha up to, Norm?" "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall." "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?" "Poor." "I'm sorry to hear that." "No, I mean pour." "How's life treating you, Norm?" "Like it caught me sleeping with its wife." "Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts." "What's going down, Normie?" "My butt cheeks on that bar stool." "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?" "Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty." "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?" "It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear." "What's the story, Norm?" "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer." "Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?" "A little early, isn't it, Woody?" "For a beer?" "No, for stupid questions." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Moses Bridge!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesbridge.html Unusual Photos!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/unusual.html God's Paintings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpaints.html Canyon Skywalk!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skywalk.html Beautiful Flowers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bflowers.html Festival Of Citrus!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orangefest.html Butchart Gardens http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bgardens.html Montreal Gardens!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montreal.html Disney Tree Of Life!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneytree.html Keukenhof Gardens!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kgardens.html Cano Cristales River!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cristales.html Undersea Restaurant!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html God's Water Paintings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/water.html Germany's Water Bridge!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbridge.html Lighthouses Of The World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lighthouses.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Don't forget to ask for your Senior Discount! Check this list and save big time! http://www.theseniorlist.com/2015/02/2015-best-list-of-senior-discounts/ --- ...Awesome! Didn't know so many participated in this! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) She sent us one we have here Hand Painting Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint.html Typically, when you see flashing lights and sirens and the police show up, you don't think "party time." But that's exactly what happened in Kansas City during this awesome flash mob. We don't see enough of these stories covered in the media. You have to see these dancing officers put on a show for St. Patrick's Day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC_jPWuHygQ&feature=player_embedded Wendy the 'talking, meowing and singing dog' and her human, Marc Métral, amazed the audience and judges of Britain's Got Talent 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1inR2b7PS5M --- ...LOL! Pretty Cool! Thanks LouiseA! This flash mob is fun too! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROPesXv2z1U -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Listen to Hank Hanegraaff - Bible Answer Man Radio Online http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/bible-answer-man/ Beagles Are Rescued From Lives Of Animal Testing http://tinyurl.com/k9s9qd5 Hilarious Comedian Tells Us Why Men Should NEVER Go To The Grocery http://tinyurl.com/qdgmo27 Just For Kids: Some pioneer recipes by Lucy Shober http://www.backwoodshome.com/articles/shober30.html --- ...Good ones! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A Stanford study suggests that social media is making us smarter. They examined hundreds of essays written by college freshmen between 1917 and 2006. By 2006, the papers were longer, better researched, and more complex. That's because kids in 2006 cut and pasted them from Wikipedia." -Jimmy Kimmel "NASA is sending chocolate to astronauts on the International Space Station. I guess it makes sense - I mean, it's not like those guys have to watch their weight. "Nope, still zero pounds.'" -Jimmy Fallon "There is a library that is stocked with thousands of e-books in San Antonio. But that's not really a library. It's called a Kindle." -Conan O'Brien "Officials in Washington, D.C. have proposed a 24-hour waiting period before people can get tattoos. Or as people who want tattoos put it, 'You mean we gotta stay drunk for 24 hours?'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new study says we should change how we feed cows so they don't produce so much of the greenhouse gas methane. First up, they recommend eliminating taco night." -Conan O'Brien "Helsinki, Finland, has been named the world's most honest city by Readers Digest. You can always trust a Finn, unless it's attached to a shark." -Craig Ferguson "The post office just can't get its act together. They announced today they want to raise the price of stamps so they can make an extra $2 billion. That is still better than their original plan - uninvent the Internet." -Jimmy Fallon "A few years ago, they made the movie 'Freddy vs. Jason.' They do that all the time. They take two franchises that are totally out of gas and put them against each other. Godzilla was in tons of those movies, like 'Godzilla vs. King Kong.' The most uneven was 'Godzilla vs. Mothra.' How's that a fair fight? Godzilla is a giant fire-breathing lizard. Mothra is a big moth. What does Mothra do? Eat holes in all of Godzilla's sweaters?" -Craig Ferguson "The Miss America Pageant is coming back on Sunday night from Atlantic City. They're modernizing the pageant. They're changing the name of it to 'America's Got Implants.'" -Dave Letterman "Congress is considering a bill that would force advertisers to lower the volume of their TV commercials. OK, how did my mother get in Congress?" -Jimmy Fallon "The kids are going back to school. When I was a kid, you used to take an apple to school for the teacher to get on her good side. Now you send over a drink." -Dave Letterman "Plans are being discussed for a reality show based on the White House. It's called 'Lame Duck Dynasty.'" -Jay Leno "Las Vegas is about to unveil what will be the world's largest Ferris wheel. They are billing it as a new way to throw up on the streets of Las Vegas." -Conan O'Brien "Fashion Week held its first-ever plus-sized fashion show. Apparently, they're hoping it creates a more positive, body- friendly atmosphere - which it might if they didn't call everyone there 'plus-sized.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Vin Diesel is with us tonight. Vin is not his real name. His real name is Vehicle Identification Number." -Jimmy Kimmel "Have you seen the new Mardi Bras? Not much of a cover up for the topless gals! They call that art so it is legal. I think it only fair then that they allow Mardi Jock Straps. What ya think? -emb >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************