Merry Christmas Dear Ladies And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* May God Bless All Those Affected By The Horrific Tragedy in
Newtown, CT And Help Them All To Cope And Come To Grips With It.
Evil Has Showed Its Ugly Head Again. Praise God For The Coming
Of Our Lord And Savior Christ Jesus So We May One Day Be Without
Such Evil In Our Lives and In The World.
_
(_)
<___>
| |______
| |* * * )
| | * * (_________
| |* * * |* *|####)
| | * * *| * | (________________
| |* * * |* *|####|##############|
| | * * *| * | | |
| |* * * |* *|####|##############|
| |~~~~~~| * | | |
| |######|* *|####|##############|
| | |~~~' | |
| |######|########|##############|
| | | | |
| |######|########|##############|
| |~~~~~~| | |
| | |########|##############|
| | '~~~~~~~~| |
| | |##########JGS#|
| | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
| |
| |
| |
>-->From FlagsUnlimited:
Half-Staff Flag Notification - Tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut-
December 14th, 2012
In respect for the victims of the tragedy in Newtown Connecticut,
President Obama has ordered the flag of the United States to be flown
at half-staff at the White House and upon all public buildings and
grounds, at all military posts and naval stations, and on all naval
vessels of the Federal Government in the District of Columbia and
throughout the United States and its Territories and possessions from
12-14-2012 until 12-18-2012. You can view President Obama's
proclamation here.
• Fly the US flag at half-staff from December 14th, 2012 until December
18th, 2012. For U.S. flags displayed on a short staff or for indoor
flags that cannot be lowered to half-staff, place a Black Mourning
Ribbon Above the full staffed U.S. flag
The correct procedure for displaying the flag at half-staff is to raise
the flag to the top of the pole briskly, pause for a moment, and then
slowly bring it down to where the top of the flag is at a position
approximately halfway between the top and bottom of the pole. At the
end of the day, the flag should be raised briskly to the top of the
pole, then lowered slowly and ceremoniously retired for the day (unless
illuminated at night).
-<>-
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This super scorcher comes from our friend PatDeE.
It is one to make you go 'wow!' Check it out here:
_..--""""--...___ .---,
,' \ `'--.___ / /
/`\ \ ``''--:'`--'
( ,'. '. _____..--''`
)__/`-'._;__ .-'`
_/ e /.-| /
\ _/ |
|_, ( \ /
\______\__\_.-'//////
|||||||||}////////;._
__/\ _..----''```` \_ / /.
( / | `'._---:./ '.
'---\_;-...______. '. |_, \ ===---
/ .` '-'
/ _.' ===---
/___.._ _..-'`\
/ /`' \ '--.______ \
/ / \ \ \#\
| | '---------'-. \#\
---jgs----------| /----------------------\_\-\-----------------
|__| ._\
__.' |
/______| ..::::::::::::::::::::::::::..
(___#__#____ .::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'
'':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'
Amazing Photos!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazingphotos.html
---
...I especially was awed by the last one! Thanks PatDeE!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: The Right Stop
A woman got on a bus in Indianapolis. She told the driver she
wanted to go to the State Capitol building. At every stop, she
rushed up to the driver and asked, "Is this the State Capitol?"
_______________________
/ .-----..--..--..--..--\ After annoying the
|)[_____][__][__][__][___\__ driver with the same
| _ _ | -|- _ `\ question a dozen times,
_( /.\/.\ | | /.\ [) she asked "How will I
jgs `'---\_/\_/----------------\_/--' know when we are at the
State Capitol?"
And the driver answered, "By the smile on the my face!"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE DECEMBER HOLIDAYS ------------+
December 17 Underdog Day and National Maple Syrup Day
December 18 National Roast Suckling Pig Day
December 19 Oatmeal Muffin Day
December 20 Games Day
December 21 Look At The Bright Side Day, National Flashlight Day,
National French Fried Shrimp Day, and Hamburger Day
December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day
December 23 is Roots Day
December 24 is National Egg Nog Day
==========================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
,;;,
';;;'
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| (` `=``_````_``=` `) |
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>Division of Labor
Newly married, my husband and I had several heated discussions
concerning the division of household chores. I complained that I was
doing the lion's share.
Not long after, I returned home and found every second room vacuumed,
the dishes washed and the laundry done and folded. I was even more
touched to find "I love you" drawn in the dust on every second shelf of
the bookcases.
-<>-
>Dog Bowl
A woman went to the counter to purchase a drinking bowl for her dog.
The clerk asked, "Would you like it inscribed 'For The Dog'?"
"It doesn't really matter," she replied. "My husband doesn't drink
water and the dog can't read."
-<>-
>Guest Speaker
We recently had a guest speaker at our church. He is from India, part
of an organization that our church supports.
Before he started his sermon, he asked if anyone had called any
customer support numbers recently.
When several people in the congregation raised their hands, he said,
"That's good. That means you won't have too much trouble understanding
my accent."
-<>-
>Long Trip
Before leaving home with our family for the drive from Maine to Disney
World in Florida, the children were warned that it was a long trip and
no one was to ask, "How much farther is it?" or "When will we arrive?"
The journey was remarkably question-free until 9 a.m. on the third day,
when the youngest of the children sighed, "Will I still be five when we
get there?"
-<>-
>Lost Dog
The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After
unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and
went looking for him.
He drove around the neighborhood for some time with no luck. Finally he
stopped beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our
dog.
"You mean the one following your car?" they asked.
============================================================
>ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A SNOWMAN
by Frank Brothers
__ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\
\/ \/ \/ \/
.\/. It's okay if you're a little bottom .\/.
-=><=- heavy -*- Hold your ground, even -=><=-
'/\' when the heat is on. -*- Wearing '\/'
__ /\ __ white is always appropriate. -*- __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ -*- Winter is the best of the four \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> seasons. -*- It takes a few extra <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ rolls to make a good midsection. /_,/\,_\
\/ -*- There is nothing better than a \/
.\/. foul-weather friend. -*- The key to .\/.
-=><=- life is to be a jolly, happy soul. -=><=-
'/\' -*- It's not the size of the carrot, '\/'
__ /\ __ but the placement that counts -*- __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ We're all made up of mostly water. \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> -*- You know you've made it when <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ they write a song about you. -*- /_,/\,_\
\/ Accessorize! Accessorize! Access- \/
.\/. orize! -*- Avoid yellow snow. -*- .\/.
-=><=- Don't get too much sun. -*- Don't -=><=-
'/\' put someone else's corncob pipe in '/\'
__ /\ __ your mouth - you never know where __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ it's been. -*- It's embarrassing \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> when you can't look down and see <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ your feet. -*- It's fun to hang out /_,/\,_\
\/ in your front yard. -*- Always put \/
.\/. your best foot forward. -*- There's .\/.
-=><=- no stopping once you're on a roll. -=><=-
'/\' . _{_}_ * '/\'
__ /\ __ + /_..._\ + __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ * /` `\ \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> | _.-----._ | <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ ,_ \/ o o \/ . _ /_,/\,_\
\/ \| | V | , |/ * \/
.\/. + _\\ . \ '...' / \//--. .\/.
-=><=- ` \\/ |`'-----;`\-.//_ -=><=-
'/\' .--\\ .'-.____.|-(.// , . '/\'
__ /\ __ \) _ \ \/ '-'\ __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ * ; (_) | |;.__/ + \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> " "" | _ \ \| . "" <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ """" "| (_) \_.;"" "" /_,/\,_\
\/ "" \ / "" " \/
.\/. "" .. '._ _.' H A P P Y .\/.
-=><=- .. '-----' H O L I D A Y S-=><=-
'/\' """ .. """ '/\'
__ /\ __jgs ""__ /\ __ "" __ /\ __ ""__ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\
\/ \/ \/ \/
ASCII Art: Joan Stark'00 http://www.ascii-art.com
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend RichardF :)
___,@
/ <
,_ / \ _,
? \`/______\`/
,_(_). |; (e e) ;|
\___ \ \/\ 7 /\/ _\8/_
\/\ \'=='/ | /| /|
\ \___)--(_______|//|//|
\___ () _____/|/_|/_|
/ () \ `----'
/ () \
'-.______.-'
jgs _ |_||_| _
(@____) || (____@)
\______||______/
>Actual Names In The New York Phone Directory:
(What were some parents thinking?)
Marcus Absent
Bjorn Agin
Anita Alibi
Jack Alope
Phil Anderer
Claire Annette
Ioya Asandwich
Chris P. Bacon
Cary Baggs
Ima I. Ball
Robin Banks
Candi Barr
Sandy Beach
Frank N. Beans
Angus Beef
Isadora Bell
Isadore Belle
Sara Bellum
Iduma Best
Al Bino
Earl E. Bird
Anita Blackman
Drew A. Blanc
Minnie Blinds
Bertha D. Blues
Bill Board
Rhoda Boat
Adam Bomb
Barry A. Bone
Hugh Jeers
Shirley U.Jest
Anita Joint
Yule Bringham Joy
Al Kaholic
Candi Kane
Alma Knack
Harry Knokles
Ken Knott
Cy Lance
Rufus Leaking
Chanda Lear
Brock Lee
Pennie Less
Roman Hands
Pearl Harbour
Phil Harmonic
Barry D. Hatchett
M. T. Head
Ames High
Beverly Hill
Herbie Hind
Yora Hogg
Blair A. Horn
Rhoda Horsey
Anita Hug
Jeckly Ann Hyde
Mike Itty
Chester Drawers
Minnie Van Driver
Dan Druff
Stan Dupp
Jack Dupp
Wayne Dwopp
Marsha Dymes
Stephan Eady
I.M. Easy
Hammond Eggs
Dr. Turn Encough
I. P. Endabus
I. P. Enyursoop
Hank Erchif
Polly Ester
---
...LOL! Oh My! Thanks RichardF!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
___
/ __'. .-"""-.
.-""-| | '.'. / .---. \
/ .--. \ \___\ \/ /____| |
/ / \ `-.-;-(`_),____.-'._
; ; `.-" "-:_,(o:==..`-. '. .-"-,
| | / \ / `\ `. \ / .-. \
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>FRIENDS
I think this is the greatest and truest description
I've ever heard for a Friend.....
Friends.......They love you,
But they're not your lover
They care for you,
But they're not from your family
They're ready to share your pain,
But they're not your blood relation.
They are........FRIENDS! !!!!
A True friend....... .
Scolds like a DAD..
Cares like a MOM..
Teases like a SISTER...
Irritates like a BROTHER..
And finally loves you for YOU..
The nicest place 2 be is in someone's THOUGHTS!
The safest place 2 be is in someone's PRAYERS!
And the best place 2 be is in............
GODS HANDS!!!
---
...AMEN! Sweet! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
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| / | | | | \ |
'-'|__/\_/ \_/\__|'-'
>What Do You Hear?
A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City walking
Near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the noon lunch hour and
the Streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns,
taxi cabs Were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing and the
sounds of the City were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native
American said "I hear a Cricket."
His friend said "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear
a Cricket in all of this noise!"
"No, I'm sure of it" the Native American said.
"I heard a cricket."
"That's crazy" said the friend.
The Native American listened carefully for a moment and then walked
across The street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were
growing. He Looked into the bushes beneath the branches and sure
enough he located a Small cricket.
His friend was utterly amazed. "That's incredible" said his friend.
"You must have superhuman ears!"
"No" said the Native American. "My ears are no different from yours.
It All depends on what you're listening for."
"But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in
This noise."
"Yes it's true" came the reply. "It depends on what is really
important To you. Here, let me show you."
He reached into his pocket pulled out a Few coins and discreetly
dropped them on the sidewalk. And then with the Noise of the crowded
street still blaring in their ears they noticed every Head within
twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on
The pavement was theirs.
"See what I mean?" asked the Native American.
"It All depends on what's important to you."
What's important to you? What do you listen for? Some people say that
There is no God and that He never speaks to us anymore. But perhaps they
Can't see or hear Him because they aren't listening for Him. They are
living For themselves and not for God.
If you are in tune with God you will be able to notice Him at work in
your Life and in the world. And you'll be able to hear Him when He
speaks.
- Unknown
---
...Open your ears so you may hear - Sweet! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
_...._
.' '.
/ _ _ \
| O O |
; ; .-;-.
\ '--' / /\.7./\
.-. '. .' .-./\/ )/
(_ \ ) ( / _)/ `
\ '-' '-' /\/
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| | |/
| () |
; ;
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; /\ ;
_ / / \ \ _
jgs / ` .' '. ` \
\___.' '.___/
>My Daughter
My Daughter walked into the family living room last night and said
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget the College tuition,
rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window; take my TV,
IPhone, IPod, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the
Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front
door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me
and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your
Will and leave my share to any one that wants it."
Well, she didn't put it quite like that, She actually said ...
"Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Muhammed. We're going to work together
and help President Obama with his plans for Obamacare."
---
...LOL! That's a good one! Thanks Bunni!
========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
Ah, Florida; where the sun is hotter, the drunks are drunker and the
searches for lost pets are always conducted while heavily armed.
At least that is the attitude of Mark Fitzgerald, and he was not about
to let any sheriff's deputies tell him otherwise.
49-year-old Fitzgerald told deputies he was searching for his lost dog
Tuesday morning when they found him cruising around a golf course in a
golf cart while in possession of a high powered rifle and handgun, in
case he encountered coyotes, he said. Deputies said Fitzgerald fired
several rounds from his golf cart. Deputies also say Fitzgerald also
appeared intoxicated.
Authorities say he hit a water tower which holds about a million
gallons of water. Water has apparently been draining from the bullet
hole.
Fitzgerald was charged with felony criminal mischief, discharging a
firearm, and use of firearm while under the influence.
No word on whether the dog was ever found.
*-- Man kicked out for resembling Jesus --*
DONCASTER, England- A spectator was removed from the crowd
at a darts tournament in Britain when his resemblance to
Jesus caused the crowd to chant toward him. "Stand up if
you love Jesus," the crowd chanted. The Professional Darts
Corporat ion said Nathan Grindal, 33, was escorted to
another part of the venue to watch the match between Phil
"The Power" Taylor and Belgian opponent Kim Huybrechts when
members of the 4,500-strong crowd at the Cash Converters
Players Championship in Doncaster, England, began their
chant, The Mirror reported Thursday. Grindal said he did
not find the incident amusing. "It was distressing. I was
emotionally distraught. The crowd were bullying me and
picking on me. It would have been OK if security hadn't
made a fuss getting me out," he said. "In his post-match
interview, Phil Taylor said something like, 'If I ever see
Jesus again, I'll crucify him myself.' Now that's just
hurtful." Kim Huybrechts, who lost the match, signed
Grindal's program after the incident. "To Jesus. Hard luck
mate," he wrote. A spokesman for the Professional Darts
Corporation said officials worried the chants would be
distracting to the players.
*-- Real-life 'Maneater' when Oates bites Hall --*
BERLIN, Ohio - Police in Ohio said an incident resembled
the 1982 hit song "Maneater" when a man named Oates
allegedly bit his neighbor, a man named Hall. Erie County
sheriff's deputies said they responded Sunday to the
Berlin home of Scott Hall, who told them he had been bitten
just above his right eye by his neighbor, Roger Oates, 48,
ABC News reported Thursday. "It was apparent [Hall] had
been assaulted as he had a significant injury above his
left eye," the incident report reads. "There was a
significant cut to his left eyebrow region in the shape of
a bite." Deputies said Oates allegedly attacked Hall for
refusing to testify on his behalf in a case involving a
charge of supplying alcohol to minors. The arrest report
said Oates was still at the home when deputies arrived and
they had to use a Taser to subdue him. Oates was charged
with felony assault and resisting arrest. The incident
evoked 1982 rock hit "Maneater" by Daryl Hall and John
Oates.
*-- Police: Man used glue on ex's belongings --*
LYKENS, Pa. - Pennsylvania State Police said they arrested
a man accused of breaking into his ex-girlfriend's home
and using glue on her refrigerator and computer. Police
said Dennis Homberg, 42, of Elizabethville entered his
ex-girlfriend's Lykens apartment when she was away Nov. 12
and glued shut the refrigerator door and a utensil drawer,
and poured glue on the woman's computer keyboard, The
(Harrisburg) Patriot-News reported Monday. Homberg was
charged with burglary, criminal trespass, stalking and
criminal mischief.
*-- Police: Crasher threw beer at wedding --*
MARCO ISLAND, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said they
arrested a drunken wedding crasher accused of shouting
obscenities and throwing beer cans during the ceremony.
Marco Island Police said Bradley Stiner, 22, of Marco
Island, who was not familiar with the couple or their
wedding party, was seen running behind the altar at the
beachfront wedding Friday evening, trying to get the
attention of the wedding party, the Naples Daily News
reported Monday. Police said Stiner became frustrated
when the wedding party members ignored him and started
shouting, "Hey tourists, get off my beach, I'm local."
Stiner then allegedly shouted obscenities and threw
unopened beer cans at the wedding, striking the best man
in the back with one of the cans. Police said Stiner had
difficulty standing without swaying when they spoke to
him and refused to tell officers how much alcohol he had
consumed prior to the incident. He was arrested and
charged with disorderly intoxication and the man who was
struck by the beer can decided to press a misdemeanor
battery charge Saturday.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
___
/__/|
__| ||__________
/-'| ||'-'-'-'-'//\
/-'-|__|/-'-'-'-'// \\
/-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'// , \\
/-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'// '.\\
/-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'// |--'
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A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that
his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's
office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he
had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send
out first notices. We have found that the second notices
are more effective."
-<>-
Q. What's the difference between a King's son, a monkey's
mother, a bald head, and an orphan?
A. One's an heir apparent, the next is a hairy parent, the
next has no hair apparent, and the last has nary a parent.
-<>-
.-------.
* | # | *
|_______| *
_|=======|_ *
* [___________]
.' `. * | /
: @ @ : \|/_
: < : //
\~_s~-~s~s`._`...'_.' // *
* `--~-~-~~s~/`"""' `-. //
/'/s/ _ `//
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///s/ _ : *
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When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled
through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send.
His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."
"Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con-
venience store."
[Borrowed from Reader's Digest.]
-<>-
After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was
admitted to the delivery room with my wife.
It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced,
"I've got the head now; just a few more minutes."
"Is it a girl or boy?" I asked excitedly.
The doctor replied, "I don't know. It's hard to tell by the
ears."
-<>-
I was addressing some mail when I noticed that my card file
of frequently used addresses was missing. Thinking it must
have fallen from my typing table into the wastebasket, I
called the office janitor.
"I've lost my Rolodex," I told him. "It may have been picked
up with the trash. Is there any way you could find it?"
He said he would conduct a search. When the janitor informed
me he had searched every trash container for my Rolodex, with
no luck, I thanked him for his trouble.
As I left work that evening, the janitor met me at the door.
"Good night," he said smiling apologetically. "Sorry I
couldn't find your watch."
-<>-
.-------.
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|___|___| ; ;
jgs / T \ \ /
'---'---' '.__ __.'
`` ' ```
We all know that Columbus believed the world was round when
others believed it was flat and that if you traveled far
enough you would go over the edge. We also know that Columbus
reached what we now know as America. While there are still a
few who believe Columbus returned to Spain and told Queen
Isabella that he discovered a new world, most believe he had
told her he had reached India. Recently documents written by
Queen Isabella's official scribe were uncovered revealing what
Columbus actually said on returning from his first voyage.
His first words were, "I'll bet I'm the first man who ever
got nineteen hundred miles on a galleon."
[Before anyone starts sending in emails, yes, I know that
most educated people knew the world was round long before
Columbus sailed. Even the ancient Greeks suspected the
shape of the Earth from observing lunar eclipses. But, hey,
I didn't write the joke! If you're still curious you can
look here: http://octopus.gma.org/space1/nav_map.html ]
==========================================================
>-->Advice From Our Friend PatDeE :)
This is the most beautiful advice I have ever received in an email ...
Please don't close or delete this one before reading!
/\
.--._/ \_.--.
`) (`
_.-' '-._
'-. .-'
`) ('
/.-"-. .-"-.\
jgs ` \/ `
/\
//\\
//||\\
// || \\
//\ || /\\
//'.\||/.'\\
//___> <___\\
//------------\\
// \\
// .-"-. \\
// ( (`\) \\
// '-/| `\ \\
// .-"-. / | || \\
// (.-. ) / | || \\
|| / /)-' =`-.| || ||
||/ / '-| .-""-. | =\| ||
|/ |'./ (__()__) | | ||
/ /\====\ /==| |=||
/_.-' | >--< |-.-| ||
jgs |----' `-.-' ||
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about
what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried
in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'
1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that
will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too
many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over
time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find
out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't
do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary
purchases.
13.. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key
buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent
an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a spiritually enlightening book with you to read while
waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20.. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality
of life..
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small
problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try
and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25.. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often
a good 'Thank you Jesus .'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they
can).
31.. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the
universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that
you've never been grateful for before.
GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
---
...Excellent Advice! Thanks PatDeE!
============================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
.=======.
\`=====`/
|_______|
__/_________\__ S N O W M A N
`"";' ';""`
/ 0 _ 0 \ I made myself a snowman
\ /_ | (_) | _\ / As perfect as could be.
\\/ /`| |`\ \//
'-.\\ \/ | \ \ / / | \/ //.-'
__\\| \ '. '._.' .' / |//__I thought I'd keep it as a pet
\\ .-'. `'-----'` .'-. // And let it sleep with me.
\\.' '-._ .-'\ './/
/` `'''''') ) `\
/ ( ( ,\ I made it some pajamas
; O /\ '-..-'/ ; And a pillow for its head.
| ( '. / |
| O ) `;---'` |
; /__.-' ;_ Then, last night it ran away.
.-''-\ O ` / '- But first-- it wet the bed!
`. .'
jgs '-._ _.-'
`" ' - - - ' "``
>Andy Says... Just Think About This!
** "I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get
elected." ~~- Henny Youngman
** Humans have the remarkable ability to get exactly what they must
have. But there is a difference between a "must" and a "want."
** The best motivation is self-motivation. The guy says, "I wish
someone would come by and turn me on." What if they don't show up?
You've got to have a better plan for your life.
** When you know what you want, and you want it bad enough, you will
find a way to get it.
** Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you
motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot.
** Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.
** Live as though it were your last day on Earth. Some day you will be
right!
** Live now, there'll be plenty of time to be dead later
** Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free
trip around the Sun.
** Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted
before.
-<>-
.------.
( #-....'`\
\ # |
_ )"====="| _
(_`"======="`_)
/`"""""""""`\
| o _o\
| (_>|
\ '.___/--#
'. ;-._:'\
)`===| <)_/ __
.---""`====`--'\__.' `|
/ ()\ /
\___..--' \_.-'
| () |
; ;
\ ()/
\ '. /
_.'`\ `;
( `\ \_
\ .-`\ `\
jgs \___) `.______.'
>** Merry Christmas Dear Ladies **
If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you.
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.
I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.
I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted,
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.
I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin,
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin,
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.
No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,
No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose,
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.
You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take,
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache,
Yes, if I were Santa you'd never look stupid,
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.
I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa, I'm simply just me,
The matronest of matrons you ever did see,
I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere,
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!
-<>-
_...Q._
.' '.
/ \
;.-""""--.._ |
/'-._____..-'\|
.' ; o o |`;
/ /| () ; \
_.-, '-' ; '.__.-' \ \
.-"`, | \_ / `'`
'._`.; ._ / `'--.,_=-;_
\ \| `\ .\_ /` \ `._
\ \ `/ ``---| \ (~
\ \. | o , \ (~ (~ ______________
\ \`_\ _..-' \ (\(~ |.------------.|
\/ `` / \(~/ || FREE SNOW ||
\__ __..-' - '. || """" """" ||
\ \``` \ || shovel all ||
;\ \o ; || you want! ||
| \ \ | ||____________||
; \ \ ; '------..------'
\ \ \ _.-'\ / ||
'. \-' \ .' ||
_.-" ' \-' .-||-.
jgs \ ' ' ' \ '..---.- '
\ ' ' _.'
\' ' _.-'
\ _.-'
`
** Short Takes **
An English professor announced to the class; "There are
two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and
the other is cool."
>From the back of the room a voice called out, "Yeah? So,
what are the words?"
========================
My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike,
fighting 35 to 45 m.p.h. crosswinds all the way...
At a tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you
people do in Kansas when the wind quits?"
She didn't miss a beat. She answered, "We take the
rocks out of our pockets."
=========================
Benny complained, "Doc, I've been to three other
clinics and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."
The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy,
then they'll see that I was right."
=========================
"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day,
because that means it's going to be up all night." ~~- Steven Wright
=========================
The tightened airport security has taken a saddening turn as they
refused to let a 73-yearold grandmother on a plane because she had two
7" knitting needles in her possession..... they feared she would make
an Afghan!
-<>-
||::|:|| .--------,
|:||:|:| |_______ / .-.
||::|:|| ."` ___ `". {\('v')/}
\\\/\///: .'` `'. ;____`( )'____
\====/ './ o o \|~ ^" "^ //
\\// | ())) . | Season's \
|| \ `.__.' /| //
|| _{``-.___.-'\| Greetings \
|| _." `-.____.-'`| ___ //
||` __ \ |___/ \_______\
."|| (__) \ \| /
/ `\/ __ vvvvv'\___/
| | (__) |
\___/\ /
|| | .___. |
|| | | |
||.-' | '-.
jgs || | )
||----------'---------'
>** Give ** (Author Unknown)
The more you give, the more you get --
The more you laugh, the less you fret --
The more you do UNSELFISHLY,
The more you live ABUNDANTLY . .
The more of everything you share,
The more you'll always have to spare --
The more you love, the more you'll find
That life is good and friends are kind . . .
For only WHAT WE GIVE AWAY,
ENRICHES US FROM DAY TO DAY
-<>-
** Why Dogs Can't Use Computers **
#10. He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
#9. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are
out of the question.
#8. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
#7. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
#6. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he's
browsing www.purina.com instead of working.
#5. The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
#4. He can't help attacking the screen when he hears "You've
Got Mail".
#3. It's too messy to "mark" every Web site he visits.
#2. The FETCH command isn't available on all platforms.
#1. He can't stick his head out of Windows 98.
-<>-
>** New Virus Afflicts Many **
Just got this in from a reliable source and I thought I should share
it with all of you. It seems that there is a virus out there called
the Senile Virus that even the most advanced programs from Norton
cannot take care of, so be warned, it appears to affect those of
us who were born before 1960!
>Symptoms of Senile Virus.....
1. Causes you to send same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send to wrong person.
4. Causes you to send back to person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the
~~~ Just One Question from Andy... Do you have it???
I do, I'm Afraid says Andy.
-<>-
>** Your morning thought for the day: **
_
_ _ /` )
( `\ ( `\ / /
\ \ \ \/ /
__\ '---. \ /___
( __/ / )
'--. ( / .-----'
\__\_../ /
.-' / /.
.' /.-"""""-._
/ .-. -` _.--.._ '-._,
| /\ \ -" `' /
/ \/ / .__ /
__..-' '-' _.'
/_/ '-..____..-'
\ |
'--,-' /
(_____.,--' __.'
\ (
jgs| \
Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
- Oren Arnold
-<>-
** Success in marriage is more than finding the right person,
it is becoming the right person.
** "Often the difference between a successful marriage and a
mediocre one consists of leaving about three of four things
a day unsaid." - Ogden Nash
-<>-
(\ /) (\ /)
>`< >`<
(/\ \/) (\/ /\)
> < > <
(/\ \.-"""-./ /\)
___\' _ _ '/___
\__` /-\ /-\ `__/
\ \o/ \o/ /
\ _ /
__| (_) |__
/ \ | / \
.---| |'._^_.'| |---.
/ |__| ` |__| \
| \##/.__.-""\##/ |
\__.-"__|____|____|`._ |
j___|____|____|____|-'
g_|____|____|____|_|
s|___|____|____|___|
|__|____|##__|____||
|___|__/####\__|___|
|_|__/########\__|_|
|__/############\_||
|/################\|
/####################\
/########################\
/############################\
>** Name That Baby **
When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good
news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son
overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One
day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman
asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going
to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her
Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call
it quits!"
-<>-
>** Today's Stock Market Report **
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent
tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows
steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking
equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a
slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were
off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried
up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Balloon
prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And
batteries exploded attempting to recharge the market.
>Mergers:
In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here
are the latest mergers we can expect to see:
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R.
Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
2. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to
become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
3. 3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
4. John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
5. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge
to become Zip Audi Do Da.
6. Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.
7. Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine,
All Mine.
8. Knott's Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women merge to
become Knott NOW
-<>-
_____
.-"` `'.
/, \
/ /``'--..--'``\
| \__.__.__,___/
\_ {/ e e \}
{ `}() (__) ()|
`/,_.-")("-._,\
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.'{ } }'. \/ \/
.' { } } \ -|` `|-
/ { { } ; ,_\| |/_,
; , '-..____..-' , | \ /
| ; : ; | .-.._)---(_.--.
| <`;._ _:_ _.| .-\\_.-/_ _ \-._/
| | `'|.-.|'` (\ \_ |a a |
\_.'`}`'-.._||_||_..-'\\ _.'_} \ /`\
{_.'`_) '-;-' \{_.' `_)| | '.
| \--..__ : __..--'``\\ \\0/\ '/`\_...--"""-.
\___/ ``` _/ \___/ |__.'`()/ `\.
'-;-..._____...-;-' / ()_.' . ;`\
| | | ()_.-' . |-'
| | | \ , ; ;
\ _ _ _|_ _ _ / ;-, /___..,-`\ ;
/` ` ` | ` ` `\ | / /' \ \ ;
\_._._/ \_._._/ |/ / \ \ |
|= | | =| / / `> > /
jgs .-'-. | | .-'-. / / \ / / /`
/ | | \ /_/ \/\ /_/_/
\____,__/ \__,____/ /_( |/ /_/_(
>** Christmas Gifts for men
Christmas is just around the corner so here are some gift ideas for
those special men in your life!
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he
already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to
complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey
George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through
with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A
99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang
from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one
knows why.
Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he
wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn
out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big- screen TV with
the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and
flips, and flips.
Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit
in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or
deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a
couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks.
Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No
one knows why.
Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the
box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left
over.
Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber,
Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA
Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's
stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA
Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a
'68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who
wants a hamburger?"
Rule #12:
Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not
appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
everyone knows why.
Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If
you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he
gets a label maker.
Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension
ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension
ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at
least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8"
manilla rope. No one knows why.
-<>-
_.--"""""-.._
__ .'_ _ '.
/ \ / ` ` `'-. `\
| \/| \_ ___ _ `\ \
\ _..; )` _ `_"--.\ |
;" \ | a/ a (`\ |
| _.; /_.<_..___, )\\ |
\_.-' | ;-.__,__..-' '.'. /
| ; / ( ) \_|
| \( ( ( )/ \
\ ( ( .'\ /
\ , \ _.' '-'`.
`| '-(.___.--' ,;,-\_, \
| o: .-'(())_/ ;
; : |.-' / `'. |
\ o: \ .-\ \ _/
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) `'|.-.|"'\\__.-`'-'\|
/``'-.._||_||_..\ _.'
/ '-;-' \__.-' \
/``'--..__ : __..--'``\
\_ ``````````` _/
`'--,...__ __...,--'`
| ```;``` |
\ | /
\_ _ _ | _ _ _ /
/` ` ` `|` ` ` `\
\_._._./ \._._._/
|= | | =|
jgs .--'-. | | .-'--.
/ | | \
\______,__/ \__,______/
>** Twelve Ways To Confuse St. Nick On Christmas Eve **
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad,
and a note explaining that
you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and
write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note explaining that you've gone away
for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer
with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when
he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you
think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape,
wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that
Mrs. Claus called and wanted him to pick up some milk and
a loaf of bread on his way home.
7. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it.
As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he
shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
8. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out,
with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another
plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk
in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa.:("
9. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed.
When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say,
"Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
10. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute
changes and corrections.
11. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While
he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up,
act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
And Finally...
12. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come
and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the
both of us."
========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
A KAIROS Moment
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/kairosmoment.html
Our Gifts And Callings
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/giftscallings.html
Merry Christmas Animations
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_w2.html
Christmas Animations
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_x.html
The Christmas Story
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/christmasstory.html
Akiane Child Prodigy
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html
Christmas With Pets
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmaspets.html
When Was Jesus Christ Born?
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/whenjesusborn.html
90/10 Principle
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/giving.html
Attitude Is Everything
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html
Come Adore Him!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comeadorehim.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
Kitty Makes Cutest Noise While Drinking His Bottle
http://thestir.cafemom.com/home_garden/135785/kitty_makes_cutest_noise_while
Paul Zerdin, ventriloquist without a dummy
http://www.boreme.com/posting.php?id=27735&page=1
---
...LMAO! Too Rich! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Free higher Education
http://www.udacity.com/
---
...Awesome! Thanks Wesley!
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"I found myself utterly depressed the other day and spent
the entire afternoon listening to Celine Dion records...
at least that's what I thought I was doing. Turns out the
cat had just fallen into the dryer and was trying to get
out." --Julian Clary
"Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we
need are ovations where the audience members all punch and
kick one another." --George Carlin
"I have a punishing workout regimen. Every day I do 3 minutes
on a treadmill, then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and
smoke a cigarette." --Anthony Hopkins
"At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six
words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor
store.'" --Mark Klein
"Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often
shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has
been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still
speak in foreign languages" --Dave Barry
"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music,
no choreography and the dancers hit each other."
--Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts
"Disney has opened up its first theme park in China. 10,000
children showed up on opening day – and that was just to
make the t-shirts." --Conan O-Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
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-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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