Merry Christmas SMILES ,,, :) Shangy!
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================
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
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week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If
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year! So Please - I need your help today!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
|
'.|.'
-= + =-
___ .'|'. ___
******* | *******
/-====) | (_.- ))
| / '( )' ) ))
/ / _/ \_( ((
| |-( _ _ )) ) )
/ | \ //| |\\ /'-( (
/ \ \/\/ *** \/\/ / ) )
| |\ / .=. \ / ( (
`-;./ ;-' _\/(")\/_ '-; ) )
| \ |'---'| / ( (
| \ _| |_ / ) )
_/ | /\ /\ | ( (
jgs .-/ / '=' \ ( )-.
`""---`-----` `----`----`""`
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
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================
__,_,_,__) __,__ ,__) ,__)
(--| | | _ ,_,_ (--/ `|_ ,_' ,-|-,_,_, _, ,
_| | |(/_| | (_| _\__)| || |/_)| | | |(_|/_)
( ,_| ( |_, |_,
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press
This red hot flaming new page is from our friend Linda. It's
one to tickle your funny bone for the holidays. Self proclaimed
"World's Best Dad" photographer made this hilarious series of
himself with his cute little daughter. Be sure to check this one
out here...
__
[_ |
_____||_____
.'` _ || .'`\ ,;;,
/ _[_]_ || / | _(\()/)___
| (") \/ | | /__(/\)___/|
| >/ . \< | || || ||
| \_:_/ | _.'| || ||
'-----...----`\ |____||____|/
| | \ |
| | '.__/
jgs | |
Diary Of a Dad!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daddiary.html
---
...Teehee! Oh so cute! Thank You Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
_
J I N G L E \ (__
M Y '.__`'-.
B E L L S `'. \
__ .--._) |
__..--''__``--../ \_/\.'
.'`__..--`` ``--..\ \ /
| ( '--'
\ ;--.
/\_/ \__ .--.
\ \ /__`'--/\_/ \
'--' `'--\ / /----.
'--`-----.`\
__) |
.'__.'
jgs /_(
The bar association in a Texas county was having its annual meeting
in the county courthouse when a mad man entered the room, pulled out
a gun and took over the meeting.
He then released one lawyer with a note declaring that if his demands
were not met, he was going to release one lawyer every hour.
-<>-
>New Breeds of Dogs
The following breeds are now being considered for recognition
by the AKC:
Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by...oh well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu
Bull Shih Tzu, a gregarious but unreliable breed
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
December 23 is Festivus and Roots Day
December 24 is National Chocolate Day and National Egg Nog Day
December 25 is Christmas Day and National Pumpkin Pie Day
December 26 is Boxing Day
December 27 is Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day and National Fruitcake Day
December 28 is Card Playing Day
December 29 is Pepper Pot Day
=======================================================
>-->From Mikey'sFunnies:
.
. | .
\ : /
-= <*****> =-
//"""\\
. (( '_' ))
\ ))-_-((
-= <*^*^*>`\))
/( " ) , \
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| |
| |
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| |
jgs | |
"""""""
>NO ROOM IN THE INN, except...
Wally was nine years old and in the second grade, though he should
have been in the fourth. He was big and clumsy, slow in movement and
mind, but well liked by the other children in class, all of whom
were smaller than he. At time the boys did have trouble hiding their
irritation when the uncoordinated Wally would ask to play ball with
them. He would stand by - not sulking, but hoping - always a helpful
boy, willing and smiling, the natural protector of any child he felt
was being mistreated.
As Christmas time approached, plans were made for the annual school
pageant. Children were being assigned their parts - angels, shepherds,
wise men, Mary, Joseph. Wally stood by expectantly - then suddenly his
joy knew no bounds, for he heard the teacher say, "Wally, I want you
to be the Innkeeper." (Not many lines to learn, she reasoned - and his
size would make his refusal of lodging to Joseph even more forceful.)
Little did that teacher dream the lesson that such a tenderhearted boy
would teach to all who would attend that program!
Then came rehearsals - the shepherd staffs and manger, beards, crowns,
halos, and a stageful of squeaky voices. Most caught up in the magic
of the night was Wally. He would stand in the wings, watch the
performance with fascination; his teacher had to make sure he did not
wander on stage before his cue.
Came the long awaited night and Wally stood, holding a lantern, by the
door of the Inn, watching as the children who portrayed Mary and
Joseph came near him. "What do you want?" Wally asked with a brusque
gesture.
"We seek lodging."
"Seek it elsewhere - the inn is filled."
"Sir, we have asked everywhere in vain. We have traveled far and are
very weary."
"There is no room in this inn for you." Wally looked properly stern.
"Please, good Innkeeper, this is my wife. She is heavy with child
and needs a place to rest. Surely you must have some small corner
for her. She is so tired."
Now, for the first time, the Innkeeper relaxed his stiff stance and
looked down at Mary. With that there was a long pause - the audience
became a bit tense.
"No! Begone!" the prompter whispered from the wings.
"No! Begone!" Wally repeated automatically.
Joseph sadly placed his arms around Mary, and Mary laid her head
upon her husband's shoulder, and the two of them started to move
away. The Innkeeper did not return inside his Inn, however. Wally
stood there in the doorway, watching the forlorn couple. His mouth
was open, his brow creased with concern, his eyes filling
unmistakably with tears.
And suddenly - this Christmas pageant became different from all others.
"Don't go, Joseph", Wally called out. "Bring Mary back." And Wally's
face grew into a bright smile. "You can have my room!"
A burst of laughter - then silence - then tears flowed freely as the
message came through to the listeners. Wally, the boy considered
"slow", had made room for Jesus. He could not turn Mary and Joseph
away - God's only begotten Son would be welcomed by him! His tender
heart had made room for the Savior.
-<>-
>TOP TEN EXCUSES THE INNKEEPER HAD
By Dave Tippett
10. Roman's "Stay Free" promotion a bit too successful
9. Wife said he couldn't accept wood carvings as payment anymore
8. Too busy getting new "Motel One" franchise going
7. Last pregnant lady riding a donkey took all their towels
6. Filled up for the "Caesar Impersonators'" convention
5. Didn't accept the Judean Express Card
4. Last room left was by the ice machine
3. Nazareth Shriners tore up the place the night before
1. No last names, no service
Copyright 1997 Dave Tippett. Permission is granted to send this to
others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.
-<>-
.=======.
\`=====`/
|_______|
__/_________\__ S N O W M A N
`"";' ';""`
/ 0 _ 0 \ I made myself a snowman
\ /_ | (_) | _\ / As perfect as could be.
\\/ /`| |`\ \//
'-.\\ \/ | \ \ / / | \/ //.-'
__\\| \ '. '._.' .' / |//__I thought I'd keep it as a pet
\\ .-'. `'-----'` .'-. // And let it sleep with me.
\\.' '-._ .-'\ './/
/` `'''''') ) `\
/ ( ( ,\ I made it some pajamas
; O /\ '-..-'/ ; And a pillow for its head.
| ( '. / |
| O ) `;---'` |
; /__.-' ;_ Then, last night it ran away.
.-''-\ O ` / '- But first-- it wet the bed!
`. .'
jgs '-._ _.-'
`" ' - - - ' "``
A snowman asked his friend what she thought of carrot cake.
The friend replied, “It tastes like boogers.”
-<>-
/`\
| (
|
|
|
|
|
|
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| |
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| \ /`\ |
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\ \0/\ '/`\ /
\ |__.' / /
'. / _.' .'
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jgs '--.._____..--'
>THE TWELVE THANK-YOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS
Dec 25
My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge,
in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic
present! Bless you, and thank you.
Your deeply loving Emily
Dec 26
Beloved Edward,
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the
pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful! With undying love,
as always, Emily
Dec 27
My darling Edward,
You do think of the most original presents! Whoever thought of
sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way
from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect
we'll find some. Anyway, thank you so much; they're lovely.
Your devoted Emily
Dec 28
Dearest Edward,
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are
very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly--they make telephoning
almost impossible--but I expect they'll calm down when they get used
to their new home. Anyway, I'm very grateful, of course, I am.
Love from Emily
Dec 29
Dearest Edward,
The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one
for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present!
Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking
after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible
row, and I'm afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says
she wants to use the rings to "wring" their necks. Mother has such a
sense of humor. This time she's only joking, I think, but I do know
what she means. Still, I love the rings.
Bless you, Emily
Dec 30
Dear Edward,
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning,
it certainly wasn't six socking great geese laying eggs all over the
porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds.
We have no room for them, and they've already ruined the croquet lawn.
I know you meant well, but let's call a halt, shall we?
Love, Emily
Dec 31
Edward,
I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no
more than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish
pond. I'd rather not think what's happened to the goldfish. The
whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they
leave behind them, so please, please, stop!
Your Emily
Jan 1
Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids?
And their cows! Is this some kind of joke? If so, I'm afraid I don't
find it very amusing.
Emily
Jan 2
Look here, Edward,
This has gone far enough. You say you're sending me nine ladies
dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they're
certainly not ladies. The village just isn't accustomed to seeing a
regiment of shameless viragos, with nothing on but their lipstick,
cavorting round the green, and it's Mother and I who get the blame.
If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop
this ridiculous behavior at once!
Emily
Jan 3
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are prancing up and
down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the
swans and the cows got at it. And several of them, I have just
noticed, are taking inexcusable liberties with the milkmaids.
Meanwhile, the neighbors are trying to have us evicted. I shall
never speak to you again.
Emily
Jan 4
This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes! The place has
now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man
from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least
Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away
yesterday afternoon in an ambulance. I hope you're satisfied.
Jan 5
Sir,
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you that
with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire
percussion section of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, and several of
their friends, she has no course left open to her but to seek an
injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making
arrangements for the return of much-assorted livestock.
I am, Sir, yours faithfully,
G. Creep
Attorney at law
-<>-
Wife to husband: "This Christmas let's give each
other sensible gifts like ties and fur coats."
=========================================================
_.--"""--,
.' `\
.-""""""-. .' |
/ '. / .-._/
| `. | |
\ \ .-._ | _ \
`""'-. \_.-. \ ` ( \__/
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'..-`\ _.-. `\ _.__/ .=.
| _ / \ '.-` `-.' /
\_/ | | './ _ _ \.'
'-' | / \ |
| .-. .-. | M E R R Y
\ / o| |o \ /
| / \ | C H R I S T M O O S E !
/ `"` `"` \
/ \
| '._.' \
| / |
\ | |
|| _ _ /
/|\ (_\ /_) /
jgs \ \'._ ` '_.'
`""` `"""`
>-->Christmas SMILES :)
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A; A pen-guin
Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
A: Santa Clues!
Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drum sticks.
Q: What do you when if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A: A pineapple.
Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?
A. Because he kissed Krabby Patty.
.------.
( #-....'`\
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jgs \___) `.______.'
Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A. A puddle!
Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!
Q. Why did the elf go to school?
A. To learn his ELFabet.
Q. Why do Rappers like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!
Q. What did the cow get for Christmas?
A. A COWculator.
, ,
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\ \ \ \ | ).-' .-'/. ` '._.-._.' / |
jgs \ \ \ \ / .--'\ \ .-'` | `. .-' .' |
\ \ \ \ / / \,\ \ \ \`. `-.__..--' _.-' .'
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`-._} {_} |_ \ | _.' _/, ``'""-`\ `.__.'
`""{_} /_ / |`= `" `-.( ,__/.
`""""`"` '^' ="`-` `"`
Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker!
Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the
ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL!
Santa Claus: What's that terrible racket outside?
Mrs. Claus: It's rain deer.
Husband: Why don't you buy Christmas seals?
Wife: I really don't know how I'd feed them!
Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?
A. Santa walking backwards!
|\ . . /|
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'---'
Q. What is a reindeer's favorite instrument?
A. Horns!
Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!
Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsilitis!
Q. What's a good holiday tip?
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds
have gone south for the winter.
Q. What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs
when it's dead?
A. Snow.
HO .----.
HO .' ,_ \
_ HO /__ ( \|
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Q. What does Santa say in a race?
A. "Ready, set, HO!"
Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk.
Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you."
Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
A. Christmas Corals!
Q. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.
_.._
/ a\__,
\ -.___/
\ \
(\____) \
|\_( ))
_____| (_ /________
_\____(______/__
gnv ______
Q. What do you call a Christmas duck?
A. A Christmas quacker!
Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room?
A. You can sense his presents.
Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?
A. He had low ELF-esteem.
Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!
.-.
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---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l
`-""-'
Q. What do cows say at Christmas?
A. MOOey Christmas!
nock, knock.
Who's there?
Holly.
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use. I can't remember my name!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Gladis
Gladis who?
Gladis not me who got coal this Christmas!
_________________________________
|.==============. .==============.|
j| | | ||
g| | | ||
s| __ | | M E R R Y ||
|| .' '. | | ||
|| / \ | | CHRISTMAS! ||
|| .-;.- \| | ||
||_(___)________| |______________||
| ______________ ______________ |
||/ .-'````"-. | | ||
||-` _..---. `-| | .-. ||
||.-" o `'._| | /\/ \ ||
|| \,_ .-. o | | _ / | ||
|| '._\_/._, | | / `\ / ||
|| ()\__.'-'| |`\ \.--' ||
|| | | ',_/ ||
||_____________/| |__/___________||
'================================='
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mary and Abbey
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
_____________,--,
| | | | | | |/ .-.\ HANG IN THERE
|_|_|_|_|_|_/ / `. SANTA
|_|__|__|_; | \
|___|__|_/| | .'`}
|_|__|__/ | | .'.'`\
|__|__|/ ; ; / / \.-"-.
||__|_; \ \ || /`___. \
|_|___/\ /;.`,\\ {_'___.;{}
|__|_/ `;`__|`-.;| |C` e e`\
|___`L \__|__|__| | `'-o-' }
||___|\__)___|__||__|\ ^ /`\
|__|__|__|__|__|_{___}'.__.`\_.'}
||___|__|__|__|__;\_)-'`\ {_.-;
|__|__|__|__|__|/` (`\__/ '-'
|_|___|__|__/` |
-jgs---|__|___|__/` \-------------------
-.__.-.|___|___;` |.__.-.__.-.__.-.__
| | || | | | |
-' '---' '---' \ /-' '---' '---' '--
| | '. .' | | | |
'---' '---' '---' `-===-'`--' '---' '---' '---'
| | | | | | | |
-' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '--
| | | | | | | |
'---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---'
>SMILES
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda
strange so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the
kid is actually from completely different parents. Wife: "Honey,
I have something very serious to tell you." Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to DNA test results, this is not our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you?? When we were leaving
the hospital, you noticed that our baby had pooped, then you said:
"Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here." So I went
inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there."
----------
Monday at work, Maury was asking Pauly about Pauly's date with Sandy
the previous Friday night. "so, how did things go?"
"It started out really well. We went to a fancy restaurant and had a
great meal. Lots of good conversation, the music was nice and a
perfect start to the evening."
"So how was Sandy?" asked Maury, winking slyly.
"Stunning!" replied Pauly.
"I knew that She is a really good looking woman, but Stunning?
"Absolutely!" answered Pauly. "Right after I suggested we spend the
night together, she hit me with the taser."
---------
Everything is Wonderful
My face in the mirror
Isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty,
The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely
And so does my lawn.
I think I might never
Put my glasses back on.
----------
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's
cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong
tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious
expression.
"Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage
and ate you up ..."
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.
----------
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London, and was in a hurry. As
they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it was
and that construction started in 1346 and it was completed in 1412
The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston
we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"
House of Parliament next - Started construction in 1544, completed
1618.
"Hell boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only
took a year!"
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cabby was silent. "Whoah! What's
that over there?"
"Darned if I know, wasn't there yesterday..."
----------
Two guys strike up a conversation at the local tavern...
One guy says to the other, "Last week I took the first step towards
getting divorced."
"Did you see a lawyer yet?" asks the second guy.
"No," replies the first, "I got married."
----------
A man who had been working for the circus for many years as 'Mr
Tiny, the shortest man alive', agreed to meet with a local newspaper
reporter on his day off to be interviewed. The reporter arrives on
time, but was surprised to be greeted by a man who was nearly six
feet tall. The reporter thought he must be in the wrong place and
asked the tall man if he knew anything about a Mr Tiny. "That's
me!" says the tall man. "B-b-but you're suppose to be short!" says
the reporter. Mr Tiny replies..."I told you----this is my day off."
-------
I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-
impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular
degeneration, which makes it very difficult for them to distinguish
facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was
introducing myself.
Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I
jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told
that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford."
Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"
----------
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost
control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the
road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful
woman who asked, "Are you okay?
"As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with
cleavage to die for..."I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled
myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look..
She said, "Get in and I’ll take you home, so I can clean and
bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will
like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you
have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of
shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't
like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after
a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said,
"I feel a lot better but I know my wife is going to be really
upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She
won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"I'd guess: still in the ditch with the Harley."
----------
The young wife hasn't spoken to her husband since the baby was
born, all because of a little misunderstanding... She called him
at work and said her water had broken, and he called the plumber.
----------
One Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were
attending a church in our community. It was common for the
preacher to invite the children to the front of the church and
have a small lesson before beginning the sermon. He would bring
in an item they could find around the house and relate it to a
teaching from the Bible. This particular morning, the visual aid
for his lesson was a smoke detector. He asked the children if
anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke
detector. My child immediately raised his hand and said, "It means
Daddy's cooking dinner."
----------
On a visit to the library I happened to notice a man and a woman,
both deaf, signing with intense gestures, apparently in a heated
debate.
The man said something, and the woman seemed upset.
She started signing her reply very fast, to the point where the
man couldn't understand a word; she also signed in big, wide
gestures, which is the equivalent of volume.
Finally, looking strained, her companion took her hands,
"silencing" her. The he signed, very small and slowly, "You
don't have to shout, I'm not blind."
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
___
/` `'.
/ _..---;
| /__..._/ .--.-.
|.' e e | ___\_|/____
(_)'--.o.--| | | |
.-( `-' = `-|____| |____|
/ ( |____ ____|
| ( |_ | | __|
| '-.--';/'/__ | | ( `|
| '. \ )"";--`\ /
\ ; |--' `;.-'
jgs |`-.__ ..-'--'`;..--'`
Christmas is almost here. That means it is time to empty the
bank account and break out the credit card because if you're
not willing to go into debt, what is the point of Christmas?
But you know, it is possible to celebrate the holiday and
have fun without going broke for months trying to pay off
all your bills.
Artificial trees and wreaths. It may not be exactly
traditional, but for less than $100 you can buy an
artificial tree that looks so realistic you have to touch
it in order to tell the difference. The same for wreaths.
Compare that to spending 60, 80 or 100 dollars every year
for live decorations and it will have paid for itself in
one year.
Spend time together making decorations. Experts and gurus
will tell you that experiences and memories are a better
value generic gifts that will probably soon be forgotten.
Create some memories by making decorations with the family.
With some simple craft supplies, you can combine the
holiday decorating with quality time. Paint ornaments,
string popcorn, or a any of a hundred different holiday
arts and crafts you can find on the Internet.
Figure out what you can really afford. Many of us don't
have the means for a financial free-for-all with the
justification that Christmas only comes once a year!
Christmas might just come once but those credit card
bills will keep on coming. Make sure you pay your bills
first, put aside a little money for an unexpected
emergency, and have a stocked pantry of food before you
go and spend hundreds or thousands on presents.
Let the kids know what to expect. I have seen kids
literally sit in the middle of a pile of hundreds of
dollars worth of Christmas presents and act disappointed.
They should have known in advance that they will only get
2 or maybe 3 presents on their gift list. If they know
what to expect, they will never been disappointed on
Christmas morning, and YOU will reduce some of your stress
over providing a merry Christmas.
-<>-
____
.'` `\
;---.._ \
,=,==, \_...__\ |
__\|_/__ | a a '.|
| || |--.o.--'(_)
| || |-' = '-` )-.
|___||___| ) \
|"""||"""| ) |
|__ || _| ) |
/` )||__\'\;'--.-' |
\ /`-;( / .' /
'-.; '--| ; .-'|
jgs `'--.;--'...-'
No need to buy pricey chemical-laden cleaning solutions.
You can make natural-cleaning wizards using inexpensive
everyday items that you can whip up in seconds and use
to tackle most cleaning jobs around your home.
Preserve wood furniture with an olive oil polish
Turns out your wood furniture is a lot like your skin:
it benefits from a good moisturizer. Thankfully it's easy
to make a cleaner and conditioner in one. Just mix 1 part
olive oil, 1 part vinegar and 1/2 tbs. of lemon juice.
The olive oil polishes while the vinegar disinfects and
the citric acid in the lemon lifts stains.
Clean kitchen counters with a gentle spray
For an effective cleaner gentle enough to use on granite;
fill a 32-oz spray bottle half way with water, then add
a squirt of dish soap and 2 tbs. of rubbing alcohol. The
alcohol disinfects but won't scratch counters. Just
spritz and wipe.
Erase carpet stains with a 'clockwise' cream
If food or dirt has left its mark on your rugs, just
grab some shaving cream. It contains soap and alcohol
which clean and disinfect. Let it sit on the spot for
five minutes, then wipe with a dry cloth. Next, with a
damp cloth press your knuckles into the stain, turning
clockwise. This lifts the stain from between with fibers
without leaving a rough spot.
Get windows sparkling with a streak-free swipe
To whip up your own window cleaner for a fraction of the
cost of a store-bought solution, mix 3 cups of water
with 1/3 cup of rubbing alcohol, which disinfects
surfaces and evaporates quickly so it doesn't leave
streaks. You can also use this solution to make stainless
steel appliances sparkle.
-<>-
_
,={ }.._,
_.-"` { } a j-,_
{}'----.{_}``};_ __/
`/( `'--.._,_
/\ `'---;--'-;`
/ /'. _,\
| | )-'` _}
|-\ {_,.-'` \
`" \_\_, \
/__/\.-'`}
{___}',-"`\ .-"\
/ | `-. \.__.-" /
- . | / _..-`""` _,`~ ~- `~, -~ ^`-
~^ jgs `~ _/;-"" , = -~ ~- ^ `
` ~^ ` ~-"` =~ =~ =~^ ~^ - ~ ~^- ~
`^ - ` -. ` ^ -
^- `~,_ ,`==,_ _,~``'` ~, ,=. ^ ~^ -
~ - ~- ` ~ "~ ~ =~^ `~ ` `,_ , ` ~-^
` ~^ ~^ -~^ ^~ -~^ -~ `^ ~~ -~
>'Go Green' Hints:
Clean your house before the holidays.
Why buy new when you can re-use? You might find a treasure
trove of holiday paraphernalia just by cleaning the house!
If you are anything like me you save gift bags, boxes,
tissue paper, ribbons, bows, decorations and even wrapping
paper (yes, I have been known to carefully remove
particularly nice wrapping paper, especially from large
presents, and reuse it on smaller ones).
Now is the time to take an inventory of all that holiday
paraphernalia BEFORE you start buying new stuff at the
stores. You'll be amazed at what you have left over (and
stuffed in a closet) from last year.
-<>-
Forget harsh bathroom cleaners.
Lift soap scum with a hot spritz. In a spray bottle mix 1
cup of baking soda (it scrubs), 1/2 cup of dish soap (it
removes dirt), 1/3 cup of borax (it whitens grout), 2 tbs.
of white vinegar (it kills germs) and 1 cup of warm water.
For tough scum skip the water and up the vinegar to 1/4 cup
and heat it before adding. Let the solution sit on shower
walls for 15 minutes then wipe.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Obama’s FBI and the Press -The Wall Street Journal
“Thanks to a report from the Obama-appointed inspector general of the
Justice Department, now everyone knows the truth about 2016. The
Obama administration misled the U.S. Foreign Intelligence
Surveillance Court and wiretapped an American who supported the
presidential campaign of the party out of power,” James Freeman
writes.
https://tinyurl.com/t64snm6
House Clears U.S.-Mexico-Canada Trade Deal in Win for Trump
-CBS News
https://tinyurl.com/r8e9xo4
Pelosi’s Latest Stunt is Fresh Proof How Cynical Impeachment
Drive Has Been -New York Post
https://tinyurl.com/tutdp2m
FISA Judge Orders FBI To Identify All Cases Involving
Lawyer Who Allegedly Altered Carter Page Email
https://tinyurl.com/w63rjjc
Report: Former Director Of National Security Agency Is
Cooperating With Durham Probe
https://tinyurl.com/t2uwkra
Jim Jordan to House Democrats: Why Are You Withholding
Articles of Impeachment After Rushing to Impeach?
https://tinyurl.com/vzzt7zt
Westwing News:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Well, that's one way to get somebody's goat. A pair of what
appeared to be skinned goat heads were found dangling from a
street light at a busy Park Slope intersection in New York,
police said.
At least one witness called 911 after spotting the bloody
animal heads attached to a piece of twine hanging above Ninth
Street and Fifth Avenue - sparking a police investigation.
The skulls dangled in the wind until shortly before noon,
when a staffer from a nearby car service company carried a
ladder to the pole and knocked them down with a stick.
That's what they call a New York Pinata.
Some wondered whether it was Santeria, a Halloween prank or
voodoo.
"Maybe it's some of those wackos who go for Santeria or
voodoo," said local resident Louis Katenzakes. "It's the
occult. They do rituals. They kill animals."
The sighting wasn't the first example of animal body parts
discovered in the area. In March, severed goat heads and
rooster heads were found in Prospect Park.
Other locals said they were unmoved. "It's New York. I've
seen the towers come down, so beyond that, nothing really
stings that bad," said J. Sapp, who works in the area.
-<>-
Santa's reindeer better stay the heck out of Alaska:
High school in Alaska is a little different from the rest
of the country. While students in other high school
classrooms are powering light bulbs with potatoes and
dissecting frogs, the teenagers in Brian Mason's class at
Chugiak High School butchered a moose carcass.
Mason brought a cow moose carcass to class in the back of
his pickup truck that morning, and for the rest of the day
his students went to work de-boning, separating, grinding
and packaging the animal. The bloody business served as a
way to immerse the students in Alaska cultural traditions,
and give them a basic understanding of anatomy and teach
them practical life skills.
The studends are part of the World Discovery Seminar
program which is sort of a "school within a school" at
Chugiak.
"What I try to emphasize - and the World Discovery Seminar
program as a whole - is to emphasize experiential learning,"
Mason said as nearly 30 of his students used thin knives
to slice up the carcass. "You can learn certainly about
anatomy from diagrams and textbooks and videos but getting
your hands on an animal is a big part of the science aspect
of it."
Although it's common for students to participate in unique
projects, the moose butchering class was unusual even for
the WDS program. Mason said he obtained a special permit
from the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, which allows
for the harvest of game animals for educational reasons.
The students were able to learn how to debone, trim and
process the meat in a clean and safe way. That meant giving
them a brief lesson on moose anatomy before handing out
gloves and 4-inch deboning knives to start cutting under the
supervision of Mason and a couple parent volunteers.
*-- Man blows up his own car with a cigarette --*
A British motorist was lucky to escape with minor injuries
when his car exploded as he lit a cigarette. Police said the
explosion happened when the driver used an aerosol can air
freshener moments before lighting the cigarette. A police
statement on Facebook said that the car was stationary in
traffic when the owner used an air freshener can but did not
ventilate his car before lighting his cigarette. The fumes
exploded and blew out his windscreen, along with some windows
at nearby business. The police reminded drivers, 'Please can
members of the public be careful and follow guidelines when
using air freshener cans.'
*-- Brain surgery stops seizures, fear of spiders --*
BRIGHTON, England (UPI) - British doctors said a man who
underwent brain surgery to get rid of seizures awoke to
find he had also lost his crippling fear of spiders. Dr.
Nick Medford, the man's observing physician at Brighton
and Sussex Medical School and co-author of the study
published in the Neurocase journal, said the 44-year-old
man suffered from severe arachnophobia before undergoing
surgery on his amygdala -- a portion of the brain
partially responsible for handling fear -- to stop his
recurring seizures. The study, titled Abolition of
lifelong specific phobia: a novel therapeutic consequence
of left mesial temporal lobectomy, said the man reported
he was no longer afraid of spiders after the surgery.
Medford said the man instead found spiders fascinating
and could hold a living arachnid without fear. The
researchers said the man's fear may have been stored in
neural pathways in the part of the amygdala that was
removed to halt the man's seizures. Medford said further
research on the subject could be conducted without
unnecessary invasive procedures. "It's not uncommon for
people to have temporal lobe surgery for severe epilepsy,"
he said. "And arachnophobia is supposed to be reasonably
common. So we might be able to test people for that
phobia, or any other kind, before and after surgery."
*-- Bear falls through skylight and eats cupcakes --*
A 180-pound bear crashed through an Alaska couple's skylight
and ate the cupcakes they had out for their child's birthday
party. The homeowners quickly vacated the room and allowed
the bear to devour the treats. "I was literally in the room,
and I heard this cracking," homeowner Glenn Merrill told
local news. "And the next thing you know, there's this bear
that, I mean, literally, fell right from (the skylight)."
Merrill's house is on a mountainside that overlooks downtown
Juneau. "There probably isn't a neighborhood or place where
we have homes where the potential isn't there for you to run
into a bear or observe a bear," Ryan Scott of the Alaska
Department of Fish and Game told the CBC. The bear eventually
left the residence after being yelled at, but it lingered in
the backyard and continued to look in the window. The same
bear allegedly entered another home in the area, so
authorities thought it was best to have the animal destroyed.
"We don't take killing or destroying bears lightly," Scott
said. "People were inside that building. I think it was
appropriate for that given the situation."
*-- Man robs 4 Subways in 4 days because 'Jared Diet' didn't work --*
HUEYTOWN, Ala. (UPI) - A man who robbed four Subway
restaurants in four days with a gun claims he did it
because he was mad the "Jared Diet" didn't work for
him. Zachary Torrance, 18, was arrested Friday by
Hueytown police after someone saw surveillance videos
on the Hueytown Police Department's Facebook page and
recognized Torrance from having witnessed him purchase
a gun holster at a Walmart. Police say he was even
wearing the same clothing and shoes as the suspect was
the day of the robbery. "He stated in the course of his
interview he had tried the 'Jared Diet' and it hadn't
worked for him like he thought it should have," Police
Chief Chuck Hagler told WJBF. "He was trying to get his
money back." He has confessed to the crime and will face
sentencing. He is currently being held with a $250,000
bail.
*-- Man from 'Planet Zoltron' attacks police cruiser --*
A Michigan man who was claiming to be a resident of "Planet
Zoltron" is facing a number of charges after he allegedly
attacked a Muskegon County Sheriff deputy's cruiser with a
four-foot metal pipe. Officers were investigating reports
about a man breaking into homes when they came across
Calquan Dion Burr. On the dash camera video, Burr can be
seen charging the cruiser, jumping on the hood of the car
and attacking the windshield. "The officers round the
corner and it is dark out - he had no time to react. The
guy is already running at the car," Lt. Shane Brown told
local news. While the 20-year-old was being arrested, he
told police that he could have "tackled that car and could
have crushed it if he wanted to," according to the Muskegon
Chronicle. "He also claimed he was from the Planet Zoltron
and that his father sent him." Burr appeared to be on "mind-
altering drugs" and a witness said that he seemed "drunk or
high and was talking about seeing blue orbits." The suspect
was charged with malicious destruction of property, damaging
police property, assault and other charges.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Cloie :)
- TEACH THE CHILDREN - Author Unknown
ASCII art by joan stark
_
(__/_) .-'''''-.
_ | |'-----'|
/ \|ate one Christmas Eve, I sank back, |-.....-|
\__|\_ tired but content, into my | |
easy chair. The kids were in bed, the gifts | |
were wrapped, the milk and _,._ | |
cookies waited by the __.o` o`"-. | |
fireplace for Santa. .-O o `"-.o O )_,._ | |
( o O o )--.-"`O o"-.`'-----'`
'--------' ( o O o)
`----------`
As I sat back admiring the tree with its decorations,
I couldn't help feeling that something |
important was missing. It wasn't \ ' /
long before the tiny, twinkling -- (*) --
tree lights lulled me to sleep. >*<
I don't know how long I slept, >0<@<
but all of a sudden I knew that >>>@<<*
I wasn't alone. >@>*<0<<<
>*>>@<<<@<<
I opened my eyes, and you can >@>>0<<<*<<@<
imagine my surprise when I saw >*>>0<<@<<<@<<<
Santa Claus himself standing >@>>*<<@<>*<<0<*<
next to my Christ- \*/ >0>>*<<@<>0><<*<@<<
mas tree. __\\U//__ >*>>@><0<<*>>@><*<0<<
|\\ | | \\| >@>>0<*<0>>@<<0<<<*<@<<
He was dressed | \\| | _(UU)_ >((*))_>0><*<0><@<<<0<*<
all in fur from |\ \| || / //||.*.*.*.|>>@<<*<<@>><0<<<
his head to his |\\_|_|&&_// ||*.*.*.*|_\\db//__
foot just as """"|'.'.'.|~~|.*.*.*| _____|_
poem described him, |'.'.'.| ^^^^^^|____|>>jgs>>|
but he was not the ~~~~~~~~ '""""`-------'
"jolly old elf" of Christmas legend. The man who stood
before me looked sad and disappointed. And there were
tears in his eyes.
____ "Santa, what's wrong?" I asked.
;` `'-._ "Why are you crying?"
/ \ /\
/` \ | ; "It's the children." Santa
/ \ | | replied sadly.
/ `\ | |
/ \_ / | "But Santa, the children love
; / `\ | you." I said.
,|_ __ \__/ |
_\_o/_( |_ "Oh, I know they love me, and
/`"=/\==""=="=="=="=="`\ they love the gifts I bring
| )/ | them," Santa said, "but the
\ / children of today seem to
/';=""==""==""==""==";`\ have somehow missed out on
| /` /~\ /~\ `\ | the true spirit of Christmas.
| \ _ \o/ \o/ _ / | It's not their fault. It's
\ ; (_) ` o (_) ; / just that the adults,
/ |\_.-""(__)""-._/| \ many of them not having
| \ /\ / | been taught themselves,
/ '.___.' '.___.' \ have forgotten to teach
| ,==, | the children."
| ' ' |
\ / "Teach them what?" I asked.
| |
\ / Santa's kind old face became
'. .' soft, more gentle. His eyes
jgs '-.__ __.-' began to shine with something
'---'--'---' more than tears. He spoke softly.
"Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas.
Teach them that the part of Christmas we can see, hear,
and touch is much more than meets the eye. Teach them the
symbolism behind the customs and traditions of Christmas
which we now observe. Teach them what it is they truly
represent."
| Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a
\|/ tiny Christmas tree and set it on my mantle.
\\|// "Teach them about the Christmas tree.
\\\Y/// Green is the second color of Christmas.
\\\|/// The stately evergreen,
\\\\Y//// with it's unchanging color,
\\\\|//// represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus.
`\\Y//` It's needles point heavenward as a reminder
`#` that man's thoughts should turn
__#__ heavenward as well."
[_ _]
\___/ Santa reached into his bag again
and pulled out a shiny star and placed it at
the top of the small tree. * ' . .
"The star was the heavenly sign . | .
of promise. God promised a Savior \ | / +
for the world and the star was * \|/
the sign of the fulfillment of --==> * <==-- '
that promise on the night that + /|\ .
Jesus Christ was born. . / | \
Teach the children that God . ' | ' *
always fulfills his promises, |
and that wise men still seek Him." . ' .
"Red," said Santa, "is the first color of Christmas."
He pulled forth a red ornament for the tiny tree.
____ "Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the
.' '. color of the life-giving blood that flows
/ # \_ through our veins. It is the symbol of
| {_{c} God's greatest gift. Teach the children
\ / `\ that Christ gave his life and shed his
'.____.' (__) blood for them that they might have
eternal life. When they see the color
red it should remind them of that most wonderful gift."
Santa found a silver bell in his pack and placed it on
the tree. "Just as lost sheep are guided ,
to safety by the sound of the bell, it /\`--.
continues to ring today for all to be |o-| )D
guided to the fold. Teach the children \/.--'
to follow the true Shepherd, who gave
His life for the sheep."
Santa placed a candle on the mantle and lit it. The
soft glow from its one tiny flame brightened the room.
"The glow of the candle represents how man
( can show his thanks for the gift of God's
,=(,)=, son that Christmas Eve long ago. Teach
|'==='| _, the children to follow in Christ's
| |,)/( footsteps. To go about doing good.
| |)/<_, Teach them to let their light so
>>>\, _/<8<-_/ shine before men that all may see
>>>>>>oo<<)\( it and glorify God. This is what
>>>>>>o<<<\/ is symbolized when the twinkle lights
shine on the tree like hundreds of
bright, shining candles, each of them representing
one of God's precious children, their light shining
for all to see."
Again Santa reached into his bag and this time he
brought forth a tiny red and white striped cane.
As he hung it on the tree he spoke softly.
"The candy cane is a stick of hard white candy. _._
White to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless /\|/\
nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the /\/ )-|
Solid Rock, the foundation of the church, and /\/ `"
the firmness of God's promises. The candy cane /\/
is in the form of a "J" to represent the /\/
precious name of Jesus, who came to earth /\/
as our Savior. It also represents the /\/
crook of the Good Shepherd, which He uses `"
to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out
the fallen lambs who, like all sheep, have gone astray.
The original candy cane had three small red stripes,
which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by
which we are healed, and a large red stripe that
represents the shed blood of Jesus, so that we can have
the promise of eternal life.
Teach these things to the children."
,....,
,;;:o;;;o;;, Santa brought out a beautiful wreath
,;;o;'''''';;;;, made of fresh, fragrant greenery and
,;:;; ;;o;, tied with a bright red bow. "The bow
;o;; ;;;; reminds us of the bond of perfection,
;;o; ;;o; which is love." "The wreath embodies
';;;, _ _ ,;;;' all the good things about Christmas
';o;;/_\/_\;;o;' for those with eyes to see and hearts
';;\_\/_/;;' to understand. It contains the colors
'//\\' of red and green and the heaven-turned
jgs // \\ needles of the evergreen. The bow tells
|/ \| the story of good will towards all and
its color reminds us of Christ's sacrifice.
Even its very shape is symbolic, representing eternity and
the eternal nature of Christ's love. It is a circle,
without beginning and without end.
These are the things you must teach the children."
"But where does that leave you Santa?" I asked.
The tears gone now from his eyes,
a smile broke over Santa's face.
"Why bless you, my dear," he laughed,
"I'm only a symbol myself. I represent the
_... spirit of family fun and the
o_.-"` `\ joy of giving and receiving.
.--. _ `'-._.-'""-; _
.' \`_\_ {_.-a"a-} _ / \ If the children are
_/ .-' '. {c-.-o-.){\|` | taught these other things
(@`-._ / \{ `~^~`} \\ _/ there is no danger that
`~\ '-._ /'. } \} .-. I'll ever be forgotten."
|>:< '-.__/ '._,} \_/ / ())
| >:< `'---. ____'-.|(`"` "I think I'm
\ >:< \\_\\_\ | ; beginning to understand
\ \\-{}-\/ \ at last." I replied.
\ '._\\' /)
'. /( "That's why I came,"
'97 `-._ _____ _ _____ __.'\ \ said Santa. "You're an
jgs / \ / \ / \ \ \ adult. If you don't
_.'/^\'._.'/^\'._.'/^\'.__) \ teach the children these
,==' `---` '---' '---' ) things, then who will?"
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""`
---
...Such A wonderful one! Thanks Cloie!
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
_/\_ __/\__
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`\._\()/__(~`.:::::.,_
()() -:::::::::::::-.
/ |`\:::-"`_ `"-::::.
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`)_/''::::"#| `::::
;::: '::::. :::;
:::: |##::::. ::::
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;::: |#######::::#| :::;
:::: |#########'::::.:::
::::. ^^^^^^^^^^^':::::
jgs '::::-._ _.-::::'
`-:::::::::::::-`
`"''''''"`
>Christmas Cleaning
"Boss, can I take tomorrow off? My wife really needs help with
Christmas cleaning," asks Joe.
"Are you out of your head, man? I can't give you a day off for
this!" rumbles the boss.
"Oh thanks a lot, boss," Joe smiles, relieved, "I knew I could
rely on you!"
-<>-
>One Diamond Ring
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his
said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-
drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a
fake Jeep?"
-<>-
.-""""""""""-.
/ `\
/ .--.---.-.-.--.-;.
; { ' . ' . ' . '}
| {__'_,__.__'__.__'_}
| / _ _ \
| ; / \ / \ ;
| | |0| |0| |
\ | \_/ \_/ |
.-'\; \ / ;
|. ' \ '. .' /
\ ` / '. '-.__.-' .'
'--' '-._ _.-'
jgs ''''
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What do you get when you deep fry Santa?
A: Crisp Cringle.
Q: Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?
A: Because it soots him.
Q: What do road crews use at the North Pole?
A: Snow cones!
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: What do you call a scary looking reindeer?
A: A cariboo.
Q: How do you know when Santa's around?
A: You can always sense his presents.
Q: What you can call a polar bear who wears ear muffs?
A: Anything you want. He can't hear you!
Q: What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
A: Welfy.
Q: What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A: A rebel without a Claus.
Q: Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A: They're into all the wrapping.
Q: How do you help someone who's lost their Christmas spirit?
A: Nurse them back to elf.
Q: What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
A: Jingle Smells!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
[IIIII]
[IIIII]=|
|=====|=|
|=====| |
| | |
| | |
| | ;
| ; \
|`'. \ \
\ ; \ \
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jgs '._:_/
Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to
break their vow of silence with two words. Ten years go by
and it's one monk's first chance to speak. He thinks for a
while before saying, "Food bad."
Ten years later, he says, "Bed hard."
A decade later and it's the big day again. He gives the
head monk a long stare and finally says, "I quit."
"I'm not surprised," the head monk says. "You've been
complaining ever since you got here."
-<>-
Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our
family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas
tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the
perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but
Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was
"just up ahead."
One year I snapped. "Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn't
exist. It's like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if
you can find one that isn't dead, doesn't have too many bald
spots and is straight."
-<>-
Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years,
I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a
customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?"
Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over
twelve hundred pounds!"
After a short pause, she said, "Could you do it if I helped
you carry it in?"
-<>-
|\.-./|
/= =\
/= e e =\
>\=_ Y _=/<
(,,)^(,,)
|.:.:.:.|
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jgs / / |
.' \ /
.' ;-'
/'. .'`
| \ /
'./_.'
A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband's
veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a
small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other
was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put
each on the scale. "They weigh about the same," I told her.
"That proves it!" she exclaimed. "Black does make you look
slimmer. And stripes make you look fat."
-<>-
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was
missing from the section through which the railroad passed.
The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the
rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The
lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher
agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check,
the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his
success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you
this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't
have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman
was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch
that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand.
I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller,
I was a little worried about winning that case myself,
because that durned bull came home this morning."
-<>-
Before the cup of coffee even touched the table, my brother
told the waitress, "Take it back. It's cold."
The waitress poured him another cup and returned a minute
later, only to be told once again, "Take it back. It's cold."
The third cup, however, he accepted, which prompted the
waitress to ask, "How did you know the first two cups were
cold without sipping them?"
My brother said, "Because with the first two, your thumb was
in the coffee."
-<>-
>KEYS TO SUCCESS: Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People
don't call you just because they want to give you something
for nothing - they call because they want you to DO work
for THEM.
That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice
mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and
it sounds like impending work, respond during the lunch
hour. That way, you're regarded as hardworking and
conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming
calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this
will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or
look for a solution that doesn't involve you.
The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is
"Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice
mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold,
make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do
that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes
too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will
hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is
full" a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in
high demand.
=========================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
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\___ \ \/\ 7 /\/ _\8/_
\/\ \'=='/ | /| /|
\ \___)--(_______|//|//|
\___ () _____/|/_|/_|
/ () \ `----'
/ () \
'-.______.-'
jgs _ |_||_| _
(@____) || (____@)
\______||______/
>Quickies...
If I lock my keys in my car, all I have to do is
call OnStar and they unlock my car. If the car
were stolen, they can lock all the doors and trap
the thief in the car. Whenever my wife tells me
she is taking the car to go shopping, I call
OnStar and tell them my car has been stolen.
-------
"Dear son, now that you have reached the magic
age of fourteen, the time has come to tell you
about the bees and flowers. There is a male and
a female bee, although I haven't the slightest
idea which is which. As for the flowers - we get
ours from the Plaza Florist, Inc. Well, that
takes care of that. Write soon, Affectionately, Father
-------
The boss was very exasperated with his new
secretary. She ignored the telephone when it
rang.
"You must answer the telephone," he told her
irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly.
Nine times out of ten, it's for you!"
-------
A visitor from Buffalo was strolling along the
California surf one morning.
During his walk he came upon a fellow, fishing
pole clutched in his hands, sound asleep against
the side of a huge coastal rock. Just then the
pole began to jerk violently. "Hey, there!" cried
the visitor as he roused the fisherman. "Look out
there! You have a bite."
"So I do," yawned the drowsy one glancing out at
the water. "If you don't mind, will you pull in
the line for me?"
The visitor, somewhat surprised, did as he was
requested.
"Now, mister," continued the fisherman, "put some
fresh bait on the hook and cast the line out for
me." Again the visitor complied. After doing so
he turned to the lazy angler. "You know," he
declared, "anyone as lazy as you ought to get
married and have a son to do these things for
him."
"That's a good idea," beamed the fisherman. "Know
where I could find a pregnant woman?"
-------
A young man who wants to see the world signs on
to a steamship to be trained as a helmsman. He
masters the classroom instruction, then starts
his practical training on the wheel of the
vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a
heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then
the mate orders, "Come starboard."
Pleased at knowing immediately which way
starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and
walks over to his instructor. The mate has an
incredulous look on his face as the helm swings
freely. Then, rather gently considering the
circumstance, he asks politely, "Could you bring
the ship with you?
-------
As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue
Unit, I directed officers late one night to
strategic positions around a building where a
dangerous suspect was hiding. Believing the
culprit to be on the roof, I decided to
have an officer shine his flash-light in that
direction on my command. At just the right
moment, I whispered to him, "Okay, throw a light
on the roof."
The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of
the building.
(Reader’s Digest)
-------
A beautiful young woman was appearing in court to
face a public disorder charge. When her name was
called out in the court foyer, she brushed her
hair, checked her make-up, took a deep breath,
and walked into the court and took to the witness
stand. The charges were read out, and she
was asked how she pleaded.
"Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically.
The prosecution council then approached the woman
and said: "Is it true that on the 11th of
December, last year, you committed acts of gross
indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was
waving a union jack - on the roof of a car,
whilst travelling at over 100mph through the
centre of London, in a blizzard..and you were
totally nude?"
The woman composed herself, looked straight at
the prosecution council and calmly said...
"What was the date again?"
-------
Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to
get some time off from work." said the man. "How
do you think you will do that?" said the other
one. He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to
the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss
walked in, saw the worker hanging from the
ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was
doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss.
So, the man jumped down and walked out of the
factory.
The second worker began walking out too. The boss
asked her where did she think she was going?
"Home. I can't work in the dark."
-<>-
_/\_
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\:. ':(/ \) |"" |____|\ || |\\ \\|
'::.__'/';-;'\ (=)==(=)==(=)\"""~~"""""| \\ \|
jgs ()/ \()
>Wrapping Presents With A Cat
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping
present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which
present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of
wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky
tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on
table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat
that has been in the drawer since last visit, and
collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from
box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the
cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to
chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting
cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present,
wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat
between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place,
while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to
remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair
of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky
tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall
and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a
two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is
now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing
ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet
of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save
time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of
paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know
is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with
string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with
present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to
re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat
outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly
this is difficult in the small area of the
toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs
by very carefully sealing down tears with
transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon
and decorate with bows to hide worst affected
areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your
handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good
of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink
and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat,
before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping
paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for
last attempt, making certain you are alone and
the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile
sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide
their contempt at being handed such a badly
wrapped present.
39. Vow to yourself that next year, you will get
the store to wrap the thing for you.
-<>-
,
------- . : .
| | '.:.'
{}} | .-'|'-.
=========== *
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( \ / ))) o (( '.
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`\ \_(( \___/ ))_\
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`. * .' gfj/98
*_**_*_**_*_**_*_**_*
>Pizza Hut
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I
have your..."
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order."
Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on,
eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live
at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's
494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's
266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all
this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a
couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas..."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate
that you've got very high blood pressure and
extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health
Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "Darn. What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean
Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it"
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like
something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean
Recipes' from your local library last week, sir.
That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two
family-sized ones, then. What's the damage?"
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your
wife and your four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as
you put it, heh, heh, comes $59.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll
have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is
over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some
cash before your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your
checking account's overdrawn."
Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll
have the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir.
It'll be about 55 minutes, sir. If you're in a
hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're
out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a
motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "How in the heck do you know I'm riding
a bike?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your
car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your
Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be
using it."
Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language,
sir. You've already got a July conviction for
cussing out a cop."
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "No, nothing. oh, yeah, don't forget
the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get
with the pizzas."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's
exclusionary clause prevents us from offering
free soda to diabetics."
-<>-
_...Q._
.' '.
/ \
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\/ `` / \(~/ || FREE SNOW ||
\__ __..-' - '. || """" """" ||
\ \``` \ || shovel all ||
;\ \o ; || you want! ||
| \ \ | ||____________||
; \ \ ; '------..------'
\ \ \ _.-'\ / ||
'. \-' \ .' ||
_.-" ' \-' .-||-.
jgs \ ' ' ' \ '..---.- '
\ ' ' _.'
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\ _.-'
>Mistaken Identity
Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The
light turned green, but the man didn't notice it.
A woman in the car behind him is watching
traffic pass around them. The woman begins
pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the
man to move. The man doesn't move. The woman
is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and
raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel
and dash.
The light turns yellow and the woman begins to
blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams
profanity and curses at the man. The man, looks
up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through
the intersection just as the light turns red. The
woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration
as she misses her chance to get through the
intersection.
As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on
her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun
held by a very serious looking policeman.
The policeman tells! her to shut off her car
while keeping both hands in sight. She complies,
speechless at what is happening. After she shuts
off the engine, the policeman orders her to exit
her car with her hands up. She gets out of the
car and he orders her to turn and place her hands
on her car. She turns, places her hands on the
car roof and quickly is cuffed and hustled into
the patrol car. She is too bewildered by the
chain of events to ask any questions and is
driven to the police station where she is
fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked and
placed in a cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman
approaches the cell and opens the door for her.
She is escorted back to the booking desk where
the original officer is waiting with her personal
effects. He hands her the bag containing her
things, and says, "I'm really sorry for this
mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car
while you were blowing your horn, flipping the
guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue
streak at him. Then I noticed the: "Choose Life"
license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do"
bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School"
bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian
fish emblem on the trunk.
So, naturally . . . . . .I assumed you had
stolen the car."
-<>-
Well, like I said last week, Aussies really are
going for changing the "Night Before Christmas
Poem." I guess we shouldn't be surprised since
they consistently choose to have Christmas in
summer - whad up wit dat? LOL, so here today we
have the London, England version of the poem
written by Aussie born Londoner Kim Van Wyck and
forwarded to me by Terry Blakenship.
__. .--,
*-/___, ,-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, _.-.=,{\/ _/ /`)
`\ _ ),-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, ) _..-'`-(`._(_.;` /
/< \\=`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )<`--''` (__\_________/___,
/< <\ /< /< /< /< (_____Y_____Y___, jgs
>*London, England Christmas*
Twas the night before Christmas,
In England, you know,
the planned tube strike went ahead,
the streets full of snow.
Asleep in their terrace house,
were Charles and Jane,
Dreaming of Christmas dinner
And the weight they would gain.
Not stockings but polished shoes,
At the foot of their beds,
For this was Old Blighty,
What more need be said?
When all of a sudden,
From out the still night,
There came such a ruckus,
It gave Charles such a fright!
And he saw 'cross the Thames,
Like the shot from a gun,
A loaded up red double decker bus,
Come on at a run.
The driver was shouting,
as he drove passed Big Ben,
"Tally Ho, 'Allo Guvna,
What's all this then?"
The driver, in a tux,
And a cummerbund bright red,
Had a matching top hat,
On the top of his head.
As he stepped from the bus,
He was really a sight,
Big fat and round,
His beard curly and white.
He burst into the house,
And the children awoke,
They were both so astonished,
That neither one spoke.
He filled up their polished shoes
With presents galore,
And neither could think
Of a single thing more.
Charles speaking, indirectly,
The way Brits do that's so silly,
Said "Rather sir, I must say, you do look
remarkably similar to this chappie reported to be
going around the place on nights such as these
handing out presents willy nilly."
"Well, maybe I am he"
Said the fellow with a wink
And he smiled as he gave
His mysterious wink
Then he left in his bus,
pausing to say,
An old English rhyme,
passed down through his day:
"Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat.
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do.
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you."
Translation:
Old Blighty - London
Guvna - Governor (usually a policeman)
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Kid Lessons!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidlessons.html
Baby's Firsts!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyfirsts.html
Kids On God!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidsonGod.html
God Is Like...!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html
Notes To God!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html
Mini Baby Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baby.html
Making A Baby!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/makeababy.html
Small Thoughts!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smallthoughts.html
Pucker Up, Baby!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html
Kids Being Kids 5!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids5.html
IRONIC Isn't It 3?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony3.html
Porcelain Doll Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/porcelaindoll.html
Kids With Animals!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithanimals.html
Did You See That 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat2.html
Parenting No-No's 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting3.html
Humor With Cooking!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cookinghumor.html
Rules For Raising Children!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rulesforchildren.html
For All Mothers And Fathers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mum.html
Christmas And New Year's Index!-
http://www.shangralas.com/
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Vocal band Home Free performs the fun Christmas song
"Grandma Got Runover By A Reindeer" in this music video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c8GlSb6XlA
A beautiful video to the music of 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year' by Enya.
https://youtu.be/d25fTVA4NaE
FaWiJo, the little kid, singing with his godfather and legend,
Jose Feliciano, the iconic song 'Feliz Navidad'.
https://youtu.be/0UVUW11FENs
Three-year-old Lexi Massingale stars in this adorable video of
what Christmas on the farm might look like for some kids.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7zYumEHJx4
A wonderful look at some special moments Bob spent with the troops
during his many Christmas performances.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppA4qYF7ARo
---
...Love These! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A new study found that parents who only have daughters are
more likely to be Republican, which I guess explains why my
Dad registered as Republican when he saw me throw a football."
-Jimmy Fallon
"Hundreds of flights were cancelled today at the world's
busiest airport in Atlanta due to a massive power outage
yesterday. Experts are saying this could lead to as many
as 30 texts from your mother." Seth Meyers
"Christmas is a strange holiday. It's Jesus' birthday. But
Nobody knows Jesus' exact birthday because he refuses to
sign up for Facebook." Jimmy Kimmel
"It is officially one week until Christmas. That means if
you're a guy, you have six days until you have to start
shopping." -Conan O'Brien
"Ninety-nine percent of the eggnog purchased all year is
purchased during the week before Christmas. And 99 percent
of that eggnog is poured down the drain during the week
after Christmas." -Jimmy Kimmel
"We are just one week away from Christmas. Which means
today is that special day when husbands tell their wives,
'I give up. Just tell me what you want.'" -Jimmy Fallon
The true secret about giving advice is that after you
have honestly given it, You have to be perfectly
indifferent whether it is taken or not. - Unknown
Never search your happiness in others,
Which will make you feel alone,
Rather search it in Yourself,
You'll feel happy Even if you are left alone.
- Unknown
He who has no Christmas in his heart will
never find Christmas under a tree.
__,_,_,___) _______
(--| | | (--/ ),_) ,_)
| | | _ ,_,_ | |_ ,_ ' , _|_,_,_, _ ,
__| | | (/_| | (_| | | || |/_)_| | | |(_|/_)___,
( |___, ,__| \____) |__, |__,
| _...._
\ _ / .::o:::::.
(\o/) .:::'''':o:.
--- / \ --- :o:_ _:::
>*< `:}_>()<_{:'
>0<@< @ `'//\\'` @
>>>@<<* @ # // \\ # @
>@>*<0<<< __#_#____/'____'\____#_#__
>*>>@<<<@<< [__________________________]
>@>>0<<<*<<@< |=_- .-/\ /\ /\ /\--. =_-|
>*>>0<<@<<<@<<< |-_= | \ \\ \\ \\ \ |-_=-|
>@>>*<<@<>*<<0<*< |_=-=| / // // // / |_=-_|
\*/ >0>>*<<@<>0><<*<@<< |=_- |`-'`-'`-'`-' |=_=-|
___\\U//___ >*>>@><0<<*>>@><*<0<< | =_-| o o |_==_|
|\\ | | \\| >@>>0<*<<0>>@<<0<<<*<@< |=_- | ! ( ! |=-_=|
| \\| | _(UU)_ >((*))_>0><*<0><@<<<0<*< _|-,-=| ! ). ! |-_-=|
|\ \| || / //||.*.*.*.|>>@<<*<<@>><0<<@=-((=_| ! __(:')__ ! |===_]
|\\_|_|&&_// ||*.*.*.*|_\\db//__ (\_/)-=))-|/^\=^=^^=^=/^\| =-_]
""""|'.'.'.|~~|.*.*.*| ____|_ =('.')=// ,------------.
jgs |'.'.'.| ^^^^^^|____|>>>>>>| ( ~~~ )/ (((((((())))))))
~~~~~~~~ '""""`------' `w---w` `------------'
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
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