Merry Christmas Smiles... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ __,_,_,___) _______ (--| | | (--/ ),_) ,_) | | | _ ,_,_ | |_ ,_ ' , _|_,_,_, _ , __| | | (/_| | (_| | | || |/_)_| | | |(_|/_)___, ( |___, ,__| \____) |__, |__, | _...._ \ _ / .::o:::::. (\o/) .:::'''':o:. --- / \ --- :o:_ _::: >*< `:}_>()<_{:' >0<@< @ `'//\\'` @ >>>@<<* @ # // \\ # @ >@>*<0<<< __#_#____/'____'\____#_#__ >*>>@<<<@<< [__________________________] >@>>0<<<*<<@< |=_- .-/\ /\ /\ /\--. =_-| >*>>0<<@<<<@<<< |-_= | \ \\ \\ \\ \ |-_=-| >@>>*<<@<>*<<0<*< |_=-=| / // // // / |_=-_| \*/ >0>>*<<@<>0><<*<@<< |=_- |`-'`-'`-'`-' |=_=-| ___\\U//___ >*>>@><0<<*>>@><*<0<< | =_-| o o |_==_| |\\ | | \\| >@>>0<*<<0>>@<<0<<<*<@< |=_- | ! ( ! |=-_=| | \\| | _(UU)_ >((*))_>0><*<0><@<<<0<*< _|-,-=| ! ). ! |-_-=|_ |\ \| || / //||.*.*.*.|>>@<<*<<@>><0<<@>>>>>| ( ~~~ )/ (((((((()))))))) ~~~~~~~~ '""""`------' `w---w` `------------' *~* A MERRY Blessed and Safe CHRISTMAS To All Celebrating Early! Merry Christmas From Pres.Trump: "God sent His Son to Redeem Us" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RovAF-EeUQ IN PHOTOS: ‘America the Beautiful’ Christmas at the White House https://tinyurl.com/yy3h5rnc -<>- * . . . | . * * . \|/ . . -->*<-- . /|\ . ' | ' * | . * . | . ' _ _ .:. . ( | .-. ___ .'_`. WWW \w/ \V/ |/(_)\ .'.-.`. `(_)' (_) (_) (_) |// \\ `/(_)\' // \\ _/ | _/ | _/ | _ _ \/| |/ //)_(\\ \| |/ %%__/| $$__/| &&__/| _-(_)- _-(_)- | | | /(o___))\ | | | | | | | | `(___) `(___) | | | ` / \' | | | | | | | | jgs // \\ // \\ | |_| /_____\ |_| |_| |_| |_| >From our Friend Fran :) One Bright Shining Star So long ago, so far away On a star filled silent night A miracle of birth took place Oh! What a Holy sight! The Angels filled a starry sky To trumpet in His birth For on this night a King was born And graced all upon this earth. With One Bright Shining Star The Angels led the way To guide them to the manger Where the tiny Boy Child lay. Just One Bright Shining Star They followed on that day And when they found the manger They all knelt down to pray. Peace on Earth, good will to all Sang a choir of Angel voices Jesus comes to us this night And all the world rejoices! ~ by Charlotte Anselmo --- ...So lovely! Thanks Fran! * . . . | . * \|/ -->*<-- . /|\ . ' | ' * | . | . ' jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See the Christmas Star on Monday 21st: https://tinyurl.com/ybkxnts9 NASA Link on Christmas Star: https://tinyurl.com/y95djceg Merry Christmas Wishes - free eCards: https://tinyurl.com/y7f9yu2o -<>- >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press Our first two too hot to handle new pages are from our friend GinaB. They are sure to delight you with plenty of eye candy and put you in a wonderful festive Christmas spirit. Turn up your sound and check out these here... , /:\ _/\ ):( _);( .-"");(_) ;_< _.' \8Oo;_< .--; .8-. | `. / \ `. `. |====| `. `. (,----.) hjw ()' `. `(`""\"' `.__/ O Carol Of The Bells! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carolofbells.html + * + + + `.!.' * + + -=x=- + .'!`. * + + ! * + + + + + * + * + ,-. * //"\\ + * + * // \\ * // = \\ + w w w + + //___o O \\ \O O O ||\_/|\|\ || + |\ `|\ '|\ _ ___||_Y_| \_\||_________|_\_|_\__|_\ hjw Mary, Did You Know? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mary.html --- ...Wow! Spectacular! Thanks GinaB! This last Hot New page is from our friends Linda and LouiseAu. It's a rib tickler for sure! Take a little time and check these feisty oldsters out here... _ J I N G L E \ (__ M Y '.__`'-. B E L L S `'. \ __ .--._) | __..--''__``--../ \_/\.' .'`__..--`` ``--..\ \ / | ( '--' \ ;--. /\_/ \__ .--. \ \ /__`'--/\_/ \ '--' `'--\ / /----. '--`-----.`\ __) | .'__.' jgs /_( Fun With Seniors 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seniorfun2.html --- ...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: For He's a Jolly Good Fellow, For He's a Jolly Good Fellooooow... / _/_ \_ __ \\_ / \_/ ,< ==-o _| * \ __, /_) \_\__// * / ^\-' //\ \ \\ \ ') /_) ),-. // \\ (( )) * _\\ //_ . ..((__)(__))..b'ger One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here." The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Hmmm. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the Last reindeer you'll see in here." -<>- >Words of Wisdom Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; Professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. I am a nutritional overachiever. I am having an out of money experience. I plan on living forever. So far, so good. Practice safe eating — always use condiments. A day without sunshine is like night. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 21 is Crossword Puzzle Day, Forefather's Day, Humbug Day, Look on the Bright Side Day, National Flashlight Day, Winter Solstice AND Christmas Star Day - 2020 (not seen again til 2080) December 22 is National Date Nut Bread Day December 23 is Festivus and Roots Day December 24 is National Chocolate Day and National Egg Nog Day December 25 is Christmas Day and National Pumpkin Pie Day December 26 is Boxing Day - Britain, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, and other Commonwealth countries December 27 is Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day and National Fruitcake Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: 8o88o __ o88o o688o) '-, .``'. _o8o .-.'-.(6886898o \,'` . \. .----| |-. ,' o688868698o) .' / : '/ \' \ (68968886)6/88o / ' ' /____________\ '. 866\88|889) / . \ | ___ __ | .' ` (969/9\ ` _ ||_|_| / \ |______ \// \ '.`"'.`,`'./_\||_|_| | .| |______\.`.`||,`,' `'^,_`'. ,"|O||______| |__|======|,.',|| ,.. .'`. "\'^,`.,'.`'``.'/==\.,.'`,.' `,' .||.,.` `',`' `,'.^ '. ,.'`,/====\,' `,. ^, `.-',, `, .,`^ `. `,` , ,`/======\, ,' `'.," .DR. Dariusz Ruman >REUNION By Linda Shawhan My husband, Jack, and his three younger brothers, through a wonderful turn of events, were able to be together the first time since their mother died nearly 25 years ago. What fun it was to see these men, who I first knew as teens, come together, now grandpas all. The years seemed to slip away as these brothers began to tease and cajole one another as they had so many years before. They told stories on one another and clear were the memories of their lives, the four of them and their parents, living in that little 24' X 24' basement they called home in Omaha. Three of us, their wives of many years, now looked on and heard once again the much-loved, often-told tales from the periphery. These are "good guys" - they have worked hard for many years, they are ethical, love their wives, their families, each other, and their Lord. They have done much to live these out in front of their own children and grandchildren. From the treehouses, forts and mogul caves they built and played in some 50 years ago as boys, they now laughed and shared in voices deeper with age those memories and their plans for downsizing and retiring. All of us, now slower, rounder, and grayer were blessed to witness these hours of brief, sweet reunion. Years of moves, wars, surgeries, funerals, brides, babies, and baptisms filled the gap of the years since they last met as one and were blessed to come nearly full-circle by the grace of God. Many of you reading this may have occasion in the next few holiday weeks to join with family. Some of you may be excited about this prospect, some of you may anticipate these reunions with dread. Please proceed through these holy days in prayer and ask the Lord to be in the midst of the familial meetings. There is an old saying: Make long-range plans as though you were going to live forever, and live today as if it were your last day on earth. As I have told our family, it is important to stay paid up and prayed up for our days are short. Bind yourselves together so that as storms come and old age is near, you can help one another and be strong in your family and strong in the Lord. "We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands" Proverbs 16:1. [forwarded by Al Speegle] -<>- _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >CATS' FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONGS 1. Up on the Mousetop 2. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas 3. Joy to the Curled 4. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus 5. The First Meow 6. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful 7. Silent Mice 8. Fluffy, the Snowman 9. Jingle Balls 10. Wreck the Halls -<>- .-. | | | | | | ..--" "--.. .' .-'" "`-. `. .-. / .' `. \ .-. ||\`/ / __ __ \ \'/|| || `|| /()| |()\ ||' || \\ || `--' `--' || // \\_\ \ Y / /_// `--`.`. \--^--/ .'.'--' > `-`._.'-' < .' `. `-._________.-' hjw >TOP TEN REJECTED TOYS FOR CHRISTMAS 10. The Avengers' Action Picnic! 9. Playdough Masks 8. Quarantined Barbie Dream House 7. Discovery's Dino Meteor Apocalypse 6. Hot Wheels' Hazardous Waste Jump 5. Baby Yoda's Jedi Trick Diaper 4. Socially-Distanced Twister 3. Nail Gun Fun 2. Elf on a steroid 1. Junior Vaccinator - - - - - - - - - Copyright 2020 Dave Tippett. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes. -<>- __..._ ,-` `', ,' \ / | ,' , \ ,' ,/-'` \ _ ./ ,.'`/ \ .-` `^\_,.'` / `\__ 7 / / _,._,.,_,.-'.` `\ \A __/ ,-```-`` `, `, ` ,`) ^-` / ` ,/ -ART BY- ( , ,_ ,-,_,<` -ZEUS- \__ T--` `''` ``` _,\ \_/|\_ ,.-` | | _/ | |T\_ _,'Y / +--,_ <``` \_\/_/ `\\_/ / `\ / ,-- ` _,--,_`----` _,,_ \ / ` | <_._._ > ` \ ` \` | | , ` | | V| \ | | |` \ \ / / / \x \_ | /-` / \ `-,| ,/--` /` \x_ \_ /--'` , / \x_ `` ,,/` ` `-,_,-' ,'` _| |`\ ( `-``/``/`_/ `-`-,.-.-` >TEST TO SEE IF YOU'RE A GRINCH ~ You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points) ~ You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points; 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out) ~ You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points) ~ You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy; if you also put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa, add 10 points) ~ You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target or Walmart in a Macy's box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction) ~ At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party) ~ You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own. (Southern California & Florida only, others ignore: 5 points) ~ After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially-produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as homemade. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year) ~ Taking toys from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no. (20 points) Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100: 20-30: You're just a cheeseball. 30-50: You're an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted for overdue parking tickets. 50-100: Grinch, move over! -<>- __ __ ,;::\::\ ,'/' `/'`/ _\,: '.,-'.-':. -./"' : : :\/, ::. ,:____;__; :- :" ( .`-*'o*',); \.. ` `---'`' / `:._..- _.' ,; . `. /"'| | \ ::. ) : : |" ( \ | :.(_, : ; \'`-'_/ / `... , _,' |,| : | |`| | | |,| | | ,--.;`| | '..--. /;' "' ; '..--. )) \:.___(___ ) ))' SSt`-'-'' >CHRISTMAS IQ TEST Find your Christmas IQ, and forward to friends and family so they can find theirs! No cheating! (That's not the Christmas spirit! But the answers are at the bottom…) May these precious moments put more sock in your stocking, more egg in your nog, and more curl in your bow... Each answer is a title from a famous Christmas song: 1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy's dessert drink (10 points) 2. Why Rudolph can't get insurance (10 points) 3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent (10 points) 4. He who doesn't talk at the Round Table (10 points) 5. Southern ladies in AARP (10 points) Bonus: The song of septuplets (25 points) ANSWERS: 1. A dude made of Frozen Water named for Wendy's dessert drink: "Frosty the Snowman" (10 points) 2. Why Rudolph can't get insurance: "Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer" (10 points) 3. Globalizing dishwashing detergent: "Joy to the World!" (10 points) 4. He who doesn't talk at the Round Table: "Silent Night (Knight!)" (10 points) 5. Southern ladies in AARP: "Silver Bells (Belles!)" (10 points) BONUS: The song of septuplets: "What Child is this?" (25 points) * TOTAL SCORE 75 points = Some would say you're a Christmas genius. Others would say you really need to get a life. 50 – 65 points = You probably cheated...but hey, way to go. You must really like "The Far Side" 30 – 40 points = Good job. Your Christmas I.Q. is way above average. 10 – 20 points = You're normal. Be grateful. 0 points = Thanks for playing. Try again next year... ========================================================= __...-------...__ _.-`` ``-._ .-' @ ()() [] '-. .' () @ '. .' [] () '. .' @ .:. [] ()() '. / ()() ':' [] ) / () _.--""`````""--._ \ ( .:. @ .'\/ \/ '. @ > / ':' .' -|` `|- '. () \ ( [] ) ,_\| |/_, ( ()() ) ; @ / \ / \ ; | ; .-.._)---(_.--. ; .:. > | () ) \_.-/ \-._/ ( ':' [] | ( ()() | | a a | < > | ) \ /`\ ( ()() ) < ; | | '. ; () @ | ; [] @ \ \0/\ '/`\ ,__ __,; ( \ |__.' / / "-._.-" \ \ () '. / _.' .| _'-_/ \_-'_ | ( ()() '._ '---' _.' | .- \_/ -. | \ [] '--.._____..--' \___.-' ;-.___/ ( @ [] / / \ / '. ()() .:. @ / / \ \ '. () ':' () @ / / .'\ \ '. @ ()() /_.'.' \ \ '-._ [] _.-' '._\ `-..__jgs __..-' ```--------``` >-->Merry Christmas SMILES: Q: What do Santa’s elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet. Q: What does Santa like to do in the garden? A: Hoe, hoe, hoe! Q: What do Santa’s elves drive? A: Minivans. ___,@ / < ,_ / \ _, ? \`/______\`/ ,_(_). |; (e e) ;| \___ \ \/\ 7 /\/ _\8/_ \/\ \'=='/ | /| /| \ \___)--(_______|//|//| \___ () _____/|/_|/_| / () \ `----' / () \ '-.______.-' jgs _ |_||_| _ (@____) || (____@) \______||______/ Q: What do Santa’s elves drink? A: Minnesoda. Q: What is Claustrophobia? A: The fear of Santa Claus. Q: What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat? A: Snowflakes. Q: What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve? A: Sandy Claws. .-------. * | # | * |_______| * _|=======|_ * * [___________] .' `. * | / : @ @ : \|/_ : < : // \~_s~-~s~s`._`...'_.' // * * `--~-~-~~s~/`"""' `-. // /'/s/ _ `// / /s/ (_) / ///s/ _ : * * ///s/ (_) .' * // |/`. .' __// .-''-------'`-. /|\ .' _ `. * / | \: (_) : : _ : : (_) : * : _ : * : (_) : : : ""'"""'""`. .'"'"""'""'"" jgs `-._ _.-' `"""""' Q: Where does the snowman hide his money? A: In the snow bank. Q: What type of cars do elves drive? A: Toy-otas. Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? A: It needed to be trimmed. Q: What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A: Holly Davidson. Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa? A: Saint Nickel-less. ,;;, ';;;' )`\ .--' ) .--' / .' ( ."`-./_ _ _ _\.-'". | (` `=``_````_``=` `) | `) (0)__(0) (` /` .-( )-. `\ | ( \/ ) | \ '._/\_.' / '-._ `""` _.' jgs /'-. _.;_...-'' | ()` | '-`/\`-./ ((\\ \)\\ )) (/ Q: What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause? A: Santa paws!!! Q: What is a parents favorite Christmas carol? A: Silent night! Q: What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? A: A pineapple! Q: What do you get from a cow at the North Pole? A: Ice cream. _.--""""'. .' `\ / \ _/_ _,__ __ __/ | |`_o)/ ` ` | ; | )/o\> \ / ;"`""`""`"""`";.""-. .' .--._.--. / ' \ / / _ _ \ |'. '| / | / \ / \ | \__'/ ; .-' \o/ \o/ '-. ; | | () .-"""-. () | | ; | \ / | ; \ ; \ / ; / /`\ \ \ / / /`\ / .:`""--....Y....--::` .:\ \:' .:' .:' .:' .:'/| /'._.:' .:' .:' .:'.;':\ / ``;--::.___::.--;``` | \ / / \ |':.| ; | | \ ':| | | _..._ | \ \ | \ .' o o'. / |:. | \ './ o.-"-. o\.' \ ':.\ ;. `-; ;-' .;\ | | `-._ _/ \_ _.-' | |:. | | | ```\o (>0<)` /``` | |/__':/ ; \ '._/`\).' / ;77777 \ \ /```\ / / \ '. .' / \ `-.__ __.-' / '. ``` .' jgs /`-._ _.-'\ / , ``;---;`` , \ | / | | | | \ | '-'|__/\_/ \_/\__|'-' Q: Why do mummies like the holidays? A: Because of all the wrapping! Q: Why don’t aliens celebrate Christmas? A: Because they don’t want to give away their presence. Q: When does New Year’s Day come before Christmas Day? A: Every year! Q: Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman? A: Because he is so cool! Q: Which reindeer likes to clean? A: Comet Knock, knock Who’s there? Merry. Merry who? Merry Christmas! _____ _____ _.-(_____`;--;`_____)-._ ,.-' ) |__| ( '-., > _.-\____.-' '-.____/-._ < `''` | | `"'` | M E R R Y | | CHRISTMAS | ; ; / \ .' '. [___________________] jgs '==' See More fun for kids: https://www.funology.com/christmas-jokes/ ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ) _ \ ) (_) _ () \ .-'` \ ) {_} () .-'````'-. / ) \ / `'-. ___ /.------. \| \ () \ .-'`___`;/ __ `\ | __ () | .'.-'` __'.| o/__\o |/ / /| \/ / o /__\o\ \\// /; // / ._ \_| \\//|`-.__.-'|\ '; / / \ .' \-.___.'| || |/ \/ `._ '-/ | || '.___./ . '-.\_.-' __'-._||_.-' _ / .`""===(||).___.(||)(||)----'(||)===...__ `"jgs"`""=====""""========"""====...__ `""==._ `"=. `"=. `"=. >SMILES The family was gathered at dinner. The oldest boy announced he was going to marry the girl across the street. "But her family didn't leave her a penny," objected his father. "And she hasn't saved a cent," added mother. "She doesn't know a thing about football," said junior. "I've never seen a girl with such funny hair," said sister. "All she does is read novels," said uncle. "And such poor taste in the choice of her clothes," said aunt. "But she isn't sparing of the powder and the paint," said grandma. "True," said the boy. "But she has one supreme advantage over all of us." "What's that? everyone wanted to know. "She has no family. _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` Recently a young woman came into my father's insurance office with her newborn twins. Dad asked her if she ever had any trouble telling them apart. She gave him a funny look before responding, "No, I haven't had any problem. This is Benjamin, and this is Elizabeth." _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing, when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness Monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me?" "Come on, God, give me a break!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!" _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he would like a bottle of Christian Dior for his wife’s birthday. “A little surprise eh?” said the clerk. “You bet,” replied the man. “She is expecting a cruise.” _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half- owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out!!!" _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` The Alaska Department of Fish and Game, issued this bulletin: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. "We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper." _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster. _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` While out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, I got a little wistful. "In ten years," I began, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now." Carolyn shrugged, "That's okay, because in ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway." _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` Three cellmates in a Cuban jail compared notes. "I was jailed for coming to work late." mourned the first. "They said I was trying to upset the productivity quota." "Me? I came to work early." said the second. "They said this proved I was a Capitalist spy." "And I am here for always getting to work on time." added the third. "They said this proved I had an American watch." _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind. Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!" _/\_ __/\__ ) (_ _) .' ( `) '.( ) .' (` `-._\()/__(~` ()() / |`\ jgs ) : ( `)_/` Curtis & Leroy Mule Traders Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Hearald-Citizen in Cookeville, Tn. and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night." Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule." The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?" Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!" A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the IGA grocery store and asked, “What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?” They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do." Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 1000 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $1998.00 The farmer said, "My goodness, didn't anyone complain?" Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we just gave him his two dollars back." Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. --- ...LOL! Go figure! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: .--._.--.--.__.--.--.__.--.--.__.--.--._.--. _(_ _Y_ _Y_ _Y_ _Y_ _)_ [___] [___] [___] [___] [___] [___] /:' \ /:' \ /:' \ /:' \ /:' \ /:' \ |:: | |:: | |:: | |:: | |:: | |:: | \::. / \::. / \::. / \::. / \::. / \::. / jgs \::./ \::./ \::./ \::./ \::./ \::./ '=' '=' '=' '=' '=' '=' If you're planning any holiday get togethers over the next week or two but don't want to spend any extra money on decorations, try salvaging some materials from your storage closet. If you ever get gifts wrapped in fancy ribbon, always save it! You can use it on in next year's Christmas display. Tie up a wreath, or wrap it around a bowl full of candy canes. Or if you can't think of anything else creative to do with it, tie up presents with it. * Make your own, natural outdoor and indoor decorations Cut some lengths of it from trees around your home if able. If not, a brief stroll through your local forest preserve should produce the material you need, or ask friends or neighbors if you may walk their wooded property in search of it. Use greens such as those from freshly cut Pine or other evergreens to make wreaths or decorative sheaves. Use sprigs of Holly or other red berry producing shrubs to add color and contrast. Don't forget to tie it all together with some of that cloth ribbon you saved. * Start thinking about decorating on December 26th After Christmas sales are the best time to grab Christmas decor for as much as 90 percent off. A little bit of foresight the day or two after Christmas will earn you huge discounts on everything from wrapping paper and lights to tree stands and aprons. -<>- 'Tis the season to deck your home in some holiday, mood- enhancing perfect plants. And surprisingly it's easier than you think to keep these beautiful plants and center- pieces flourishing throughout the season. Below are two tips that I found, and actually I even learned something new. These are two tips I'm even going to try this season! * Freshen up your holiday centerpieces The thing that makes flowers in centerpieces wilt fastest once they are cut is bacteria in the water, which is no longer being filtered by the flowers' roots. To help blooms last longer, just give the bouquet a drink from your water-filtered pitcher, or pour in some leftover water from boiling potatoes or veggies after it cools. Water from veggies have extra - extra nutrients! * Make wreaths last longer with hairspray! Yep, you read that right... hairspray! The key to keeping your pine wreath looking and smelling fresh is as close as your bathroom cabinet. Turns out, a spritz of hairspray seals in moisture and keeps the pine needles from drying out. Your outside wreath may need a spritz or two every few days to keep them looking gorgeous. -<>- _...Q._ .' '. / \ ;.-""""--.._ | /'-._____..-'\| .' ; o o |`; / /| () ; \ _.-, '-' ; '.__.-' \ \ .-"`, | \_ / `'` '._`.; ._ / `'--.,_=-;_ \ \| `\ .\_ /` \ `._ \ \ `/ ``---| \ (~ \ \. | o , \ (~ (~ ______________ \ \`_\ _..-' \ (\(~ |.------------.| \/ `` / \(~/ || FREE SNOW || \__ __..-' - '. || """" """" || \ \``` \ || shovel all || ;\ \o ; || you want! || | \ \ | ||____________|| ; \ \ ; '------..------' \ \ \ _.-'\ / || '. \-' \ .' || _.-" ' \-' .-||-. jgs \ ' ' ' \ '..---.- ' \ ' ' _.' \' ' _.-' \ _.-' ` To be perfectly honest, folks, I prefer summer tips to winter tips. Probably because I prefer summer to winter. But as long as we're facing three long months of cold, snowy, wet weather, we might as well prepare for it. * Do you shovel or use a snow blower? Either way when that snow start to freeze onto whatever you're using it can make the chore twice as hard. To keep your snow blower from clogging simply spray the auger and inside the discharge chute with cooking spray before launching into snowdrifts. You can also spray it on your shovel so snow won't stick. * Don't forget to keep a good amount of gas in your car during the cold months... Gas up! During cold weather months, it's a good practice to keep at least a half a tank of gasoline in your vehicle at all times. Not only does it prevent you from being stranded, but it prevents any water vapor in the tank from freezing, which can damage the fuel pump. * Leave those wet winter boots at the door... Whether you have kids coming home from school, you were out shoveling, or taking part in any outdoor winter travel, no one wants to walk into the house with their wet boots. Create a simple drying system with a large plastic tray. This lets boots drip dry inside without messing up floors. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: VA News: COVID-19 Vaccine Supplies Start Arriving https://content.govdelivery.com/accounts/USVHA/bulletins/2b2330d Pres.Trump - Peter Navarro releases 36-page report alleging election fraud 'more than sufficient' to swing victory to Trump - A great report by Peter. Statistically impossible to have lost the 2020 Election. Big protest in D.C. on January 6th. Be there, will be wild! Click on following link: https://tinyurl.com/ybtygzuf Watters' World 12/19/20 Full Show https://www.bitchute.com/video/4YXmNiAtDwSG/ The Ingraham Angle 12/17/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/0UzLs0zXHzSV/ House Finally Passes COVID Relief Bill / Dr. Birx tells you to stay home as she has big family holiday / How to Watch the Christmas Star this Week And More: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Very Big Illegal Ballot Drop in Pennsylvania / 8 rockets target US Embassy in Baghdad / New "Faster Spreading" Strain of Corona Virus Found https://www.tacticalshit.com/ COVID-19: Johns Hopkins Analysis Retracted After Showing This Shocking Truth https://deepstatejournal.com/ FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED FOR THREATS TO KILL TRUMP SUPPORTERS, GOP OFFICIALS / IRAN ADMITS: WE WILL HAVE BIDEN IN OUR BACK POCKET! http://2020conservative.com/ ALERT: MICHIGAN COUNTY HAS FLIPPED TO TRUMP! [VIDEO] https://independentminute.com/ Biden’s List Of Attorney General Candidates Should Absolutely Terrify You! / SCOTUS Dragging Feet On SIDNEY POWELL Emergency Petitions! And More: https://threepercenternation.com/ Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Chicken Contaminated With Plastic http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: The father of a Wisconsin woman hurriedly reported to authorities in late November that she sent him a text saying she was being stabbed. The Winnebago County dispatch center contacted Menasha police, and eight officers were sent to the woman's apartment. But there was one little problem. "He indicated that his daughter was being stabbed, possibly by a live-in boyfriend. He provided an address to check on," said Officer Nick Oleszak. "Meanwhile, we tried to call her dad back and tried to reach his daughter, but were unable to reach her." Officers were positioned outside the apartment, when - to everyone's surprise - the woman showed up. It turned out that she hadn't been stabbed after all. She wasn't feeling well and went to a clinic in Neenah to be tested for COVID-19. She sent a text to her dad to let him know she was being swabbed. But she sent it without noticing that autocorrect changed "swabbed" to "stabbed." "She said she was fine and it was all a misunderstanding," Oleszak said. Oleszak said the woman apparently saw the text message while she was at the clinic and learned that police were outside the apartment. -<>- Man caught on video rollerblading naked on Ohio highway while wearing a panda head. Authorities in Ohio are trying to identify a man who was filmed rollerblading while naked on a highway. The man is wearing only a panda head and appears to be carrying a golf club. The video is circulating on social media. According to a local Columbus station, "A spokesperson for the Ohio Department of Transportation, who had seen the video, said the ODOT cameras store information for 72 hours, and that the video didn't seem shot on Wednesday, a snowy day for the city. Instead, Tuesday at 3:34 is the most likely time. On that day, traffic cameras at Neil Avenue were facing west, which means it did not capture the naked man in the panda head skating east. Cameras are set to spin every 15 minutes, which means they were pointing in the wrong direction." --- ...Of COURSE I found it just for you :) LMAO - This is SOooo Funny - Caution - Back View in motion: https://wcsx.com/2020/12/17/video-the-ohio-naked-panda/ *--- OK, what's with the monoliths? ---* A metallic structure that appeared via unknown circumstances outside a Florida bar is drawing comparisons to the mysterious monoliths that popped up around the globe. The Pierced Cider bar in Fort Pierce posted photos to Facebook of the 10-foot-tall metal monolith that was first spotted outside the business Wednesday morning. The business said security camera footage failed to record the structure's installation. The object bears a resemblance to the monoliths that have been spotted in various locations around the globe after the first was discovered in November in the Utah desert. The Fort Pierce Police Department said investigators have no information about the object. *--- No Hysteria Here ---* A Texas high school student arrived to take his final exams in a hazmat suit after his family said the district isn't doing enough to protect students and families from COVID-19. Houston teenager Mason Kalkofen showed up to Spring Woods High School's campus in a full suit of personal protective gear after the school district mandated that virtual learners take their final exams on the school's campus. "I'm having to go in a hazmat suit," Kalkofen said. "That way I can protect my family." The family said they asked the school to allow the teenager to take his exams virtually, but the request was refused. They said multiple letters have been sent home informing families of positive coronavirus cases at the school. Spring Branch Independent School District said officials "offered the family multiple testing options, including the option of the student testing alone in a room with only one proctor present wearing PPE. The family refused all options." *- It's guys like this who are sucking up all the luck -* A Virginia man said he had "a feeling" about some numbers he copied down from a TV show that led to his buying 160 tickets for a single lottery drawing -- and winning $800,000. Kwame Cross of Dumfries told Virginia Lottery officials he bought 160 tickets for the Pick 4's Dec. 5 night drawing and all of the tickets bore the same number combination: 7314. "I saw an address in a TV show, in the background, and for some reason it stayed with me," he told Lottery officials. "I just had a feeling." Each of Cross' 160 tickets won a $5,000 top prize in the drawing, for a grand total of $800,000. "I thought, 'This can't be real!'" he said. "I had to pull over and check like 82 times. It feels surreal!" Cross said he hasn't yet decided what to do with his winnings. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: .-""""""""""-. / `\ / .--.---.-.-.--.-;. ; { ' . ' . ' . '} | {__'_,__.__'__.__'_} | / _ _ \ | ; / \ / \ ; | | |0| |0| | \ | \_/ \_/ | .-'\; \ / ; |. ' \ '. .' / \ ` / '. '-.__.-' .' '--' '-._ _.-' jgs '''' >Representing Christmas Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a chestnut, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?" The man answers, "They're Carol's!" -<>- >She Never Used It Two men were talking about Christmas gifts. Elzy said, "I am not going to get my mother-in-law a gift this year. I gave her a gift last year and she never used it." Elmo asked, "What did you give her?" "A cemetery plot," Elzy replied. -<>- ____ ;` `'-._ / \ /\ /` \ | ; / \ | | / `\ | | / \_ / | ; / `\ | ,|_ __ \__/ | _\_o/_( |_ /`"=/\==""=="=="=="=="`\ | )/ | \ / /';=""==""==""==""==";`\ | /` /~\ /~\ `\ | | \ _ \o/ \o/ _ / | \ ; (_) __ (_) ; / / |\_.-""(__)""-._/| \ | \ /\ / | / '.___.'__'.___.' \ | \/ | | | \ / jgs | | \ / '. .' '-.__ __.-' '---'--'---' >Q and A Quickies: Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish. Q: What is the best Christmas present in the world? A: A broken drum, you can't beat it! Q: Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters? A: They are always dropping their needles. Q: Which reindeer likes to clean? A: Comet. Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa? A: Saint Nickel-less. Q: Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit. Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? A: Because it soots him. Q: What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? A: The Christmas alphabet has NOEL. _... o_.-"` `\ .--. _ `'-._.-'""-; _ .' \`_\_ {_.-a"a-} _ / \ _/ .-' '. {c-._o_.){\|` | (@`-._ / \{ ^ } \\ _/ `~\ '-._ /'. } \} .-. |>:< '-.__/ '._,} \_/ / ()) | >:< `'---. ____'-.|(`"` \ >:< \\_\\_\ | ; \ \\-{}-\/ \ \ '._\\' /) '. /( `-._ _____ _ _____ __.'\ \ / \ / \ / \ \ \ jgs _.'/^\'._.'/^\'._.'/^\'.__) \ ,==' `---` '---' '---' ) `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""` Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? A: Nothing, it was on the house! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _jgs_____________________________________ | ___ ___ _ _ _____ ___ .-""", | | / __/ . \ \| |_ _| . \ /____, \ | | \__ \ | ` | | | | | {_____}`{} | | \___/_|_|_|\_| |_| |_|_| (/ . . \) | | ___ _ ___ _ _ ___ {`-=^=-`} | | / _/ | | . \ | | __/ { ` } | | | (_ |__| | | |__ \ { } | | _ \___\____|_|_|___/___/ { } | | (_)_______ `-,-` | | |/| NORTH | aka: "St. Nicholas" | | |/| POLE | "Kris Kringle" | | |/|"""""""` "Father Christmas" | | |/| "Pere Noel" | |_________________________________________| The wife and I were out to lunch the other weekend at one of the few restaurants in our area that is still seating people inside, but they were strictly following all of the other pandemic restrictions like only allowing 50 percent seating capacity and requiring all of their staff to wear personal protection masks, or P.P. as they're called in the industry. So we walked through the front door and the wife immediately made a detour to the bathroom to wash her hands while I wandered into the dining room. In a minute a young hostess came up to greet me and led me over to a table. I saw she was wearing a mask that looked like it came from our collection of unique graphic masks so I said to her, "I like your P.P." She said, "Excuse me?!" I said, "I like your P.P. Where did you get it?" She answered, "That is NONE of your business." "What? Is it a secret?" I said. "I'm into P.P. and I'm just curious." "I don't care WHAT you're into," she came back. "Well, not me personally," I told her, "but the company I work for." "That's disgusting." "I know some people don't like it, but we all have to do it." Just then the wife walked up to where we were standing and caught the tail end of the conversation. "He's talking about your mask!" she quickly interjected. "Your personal protection." "Oh!" A look of relief washed over the girl's face. "Why?" I asked. "What did you think I was talking about?" "Nothing," she said. "Nothing." I never realized people get so touchy about their P.P. -<>- _,;,_ ______ _,//^\\,_ [______] _,//` `\\,_ | = | _,//` _.,._ `\\,| =| _,//` /\/|\/\ `\\,_ | _,//' |\/\|/\/| `\\,_| _,//' *@*@*@*@* `\\;_ _,// _....._ _....._`\\,_ _,//` /\/\|/\/\ /\/\|/\/\ `\\,_ _,//` *|/\/|\/\|* *|/\/|\/\|* `\\,_ _,//` *@*@*@*@*@* *@*@*@*@*@* `\\,_ _,//' __ __ `\\,_ |/| _....._ /\/\ __ __ /\/\ _....._ /\| /\| /\/\|/\/\ \)|/| /` | `\ |\|(/ /\/\|/\/\/ \ / \*|/\/|\/\|* |/| 8 | 8 |\| *|/\/|\/\|> \ / <*@*@*@*@*@* |/| | ^|^ | |\| *@*@*@*@*/ < > \ _ _ |/| 8 | 8 |\|_ _ > \ / <(@) _ (@) |/| |___|___| |\(@) _ (@) / \ / \|-(@)--|--=|/-()-=-=-=-()-\||-(@)--|--<____,_< <__,___\ _ | (@) ()=-=-=-=-=-=() | _ (@) (@) | ()-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-() (@) | jgs | ()=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=() | One day on his way to work, my husband stopped at the cafeteria as it began to rain. Forgetting that he hadn't brought an umbrella, he reached for the nearest one when he got up to leave. "That's my umbrella," a woman immediately scolded. Abashed at his mistake, he apologized and walked on to his office. He was drenched by the time he arrived. Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office over the months, and he decided to bring them home at the end of the day. That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him earlier. She looked at the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked: "Did real well for yourself today, didn't you?" -<>- I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's jeans at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. "I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year." -<>- Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment. One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?" "No," the woman nervously replied. "What?" -<>- While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help. "The word is eight letters long and starts with 'm', and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'" "Monogamy," he answered. -<>- .-. _ _..---./ \ .'_`\' `. / _....__ | `\| \ _~- ~ ' .`'\__, ; ~_- ~ ' . . | e | ~_- ~_.._. ' . ; e <> | ~- ~/` '.' .'; \ , ; .._# -_~' \ . _\ ,__\/ /_..;/ `\ `\/`' '._ _.-;`` \\ | |.' '__`""`. ' \ \\ / / `-.' '-._ . / \\`#, / / '--;__ _.' #, ; | `//-'.# #, | \ || | #, / '._ || / #, .' `--,-....__\\-#` #, `'-...__ __.-' | ,#' #. .-.| ``__ |,#' #. / /; .' '. ;#' #, / /(_\ / \ /#' #, / /_ `'/ | /#; #, / / \_.' / .'#'| # / / / ;__.-',#' ; ### / /-._/ .' \ ,#' | '#' / /'-./`-.____.' \,#' / / /\__/ ,#' | / / #,#|_____|_ | | '#/ ||`\ , \ \ jgs _____\______||_/___/ \ `--' ( / '-------------------' After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer- by told me there was a service station a half-mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun. The attendant filled my two-gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car; I had filled a stranger's gas tank. Wearily I walked back to the station. "You know," the attendant suggested helpfully, "instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here." -<>- While I was dining in the restaurant of a large hotel, I heard a loud crash. A waitress had dropped a whole tray of coffee cups, plates, and dishes. Being only a couple tables away from her, I felt a stinging pain in my hand where I was cut from the shattered debris. I was immediately escorted to the hotel doctor. "What happened?" he asked. I said, "I was attacked by a flying saucer." ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: _.-"""-. .' \ `\ .' .-' '. _ | /.__ ) C, ^ \ .' `'-. ( ;-.-' / '. ) | / \ / _., ; . ';-"`;_.'\ | '. \ | / .* ** *, |___ `'-..___.|__/--' * .--. * | ```"""-----'/ '*/_ _`\*'`\ )"""----....___.; _.`.|^.^ ?;` .' .' '.`'. .;-.-'\_- /-.',( / '. \ /_.' ;.| |'--....___ ___..--` \ .;' .-' .; L.._ __ ```` __..-' /; / `.' / ;._`__````""--""`` \ .'( _.'`.' /` 7 | ``""";--.._ | /`,'`'"".`"` '.' .' | 7 | | `' | \__.` '. _`;.' .' \__| .--'._; / |_`""-'` | .' \__/` jgs `'-.___.; .-; `\...._/-' {_}-' \ \ `-.._ | / `"-' >Letter from Santa TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE, IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE. I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE, AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE. I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE, NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE. NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND, ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS. WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS, A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND. FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY, I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY. THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE, CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME. THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER, NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER. WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ? CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED? I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT, OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT. SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY, AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY. THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR, BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE. I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE, ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME. THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE, I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY. THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE, "SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE; I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE, MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS." THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP, I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP. I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL. I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT, THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT. THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE, WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE." ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT. "MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT." This poem was written by a Marine stationed in Okinawa Japan. The following is his request. I think it is reasonable..... PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S. service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us. Please, do your small part to plant this small seed. From reid boetel -<>- >HINTS From - I'm Lizzy!! and I'm not Martha!!! My goodness...here we are in the thick of the holidays. I have gotten many letters about Christmas trees...buying one...keep- ing safety first...and decorating a tree. So today and Friday's editions are going to address your questions as best I know how. If you have any tips or suggestions that I haven't covered... PLEASE email me. I can always count on you for coming to my rescue. * /.\ /..'\ /'.'\ /.''.'\ /.'.'.\ "'""""/'.''.'.\""'"'" jgs ^^^[_]^^^ * The most popular varieties of Christmas trees are: Fraser Fir, Douglas Fir, White Pine, Scotch Pine, Noble Fir and Balsam Fir. *The most important consideration is freshness. Many Christmas trees are trucked a considerable distance, sometimes part way across the continent and days or even weeks may pass between the time the trees are cut and when they arrive for sale. Always ask the vendor where the tree has come from and how long ago it was cut...I'm not always sure that you will get a truthful answer or that the high school kid working part time will even know the correct answer, but ask anyway. If possible, buy a locally produced tree. You guys in Hawaii will be out of luck there, I sup- pose...whenever possible, buy local. * Does it appear green and healthy with a fragrant smell and moist flexible needles or is there evidence of drying or browning? Avoid any trees with broken branches or damaged bark. Bounce the tree lightly on its cut end if you can or shake it. Does this result in an inevitable little sprinkling or does it produce a shower of needles? If needles rain down, you might be wise to look around a little more. * The next consideration after freshness is size. Make sure the tree you buy will fit comfortably in the room and location you have chosen. Use a tape measure if necessary. Check the bottom of the tree. Is there enough space between the end and the lowest branches to make a slightly diagonal fresh cut? Cutting an extra inch off the bottom before mounting your tree will greatly help water absorption and ensure your tree lasts as long as possible. Be sure to make this final cut just before placing it in water. If it is exposed to the air for too long, the vessels will become blocked. ------------------------------------------------------------ * , _/^\_ < > * /.-.\ * * `/&\` * ,@.*;@, /_o.I %_\ * * (`'--:o(_@; /`;--.,__ `') * ;@`o % O,*`'`&\ * (`'--)_@ ;o %'()\ * /`;--._`''--._O'@; /&*,()~o`;-.,_ `""`) * /`,@ ;+& () o*`;-';\ (`""--.,_0 +% @' &()\ /-.,_ ``''--....-'`) * * /@%;o`:;'--,.__ __.'\ ;*,&(); @ % &^;~`"`o;@(); * /(); o^~; & ().o@*&`;&%O\ jgs `"="==""==,,,.,="=="==="` __.----.(\-''#####---...___...-----._ '` \)_`"""""` .--' ') o( )_-\ `"""` ` Now...let's talk in depth about tree safety. Some things are important enough to mention twice...so don't be surprised if I remind you of these points. * Always choose a freshly cut tree. To test a tree, strike the stump down on a firm surface. If needles fall off, the tree is too dry. * Consider buying a live tree instead. You can plant it later to enjoy it for years to come. * When you are ready to set the tree up cut off 1/2 to 1 inch from the bottom of the tree before placing in the stand which should be filled with hot water (not boiling, but around 130- 160º F) as soon as the tree is set up. * The tree could absorb as much as a gallon of water the first day. * Use wire or nylon cord to secure the tree to the wall or ceiling to prevent it from being knocked over by children or pets * Place the tree away from heat sources and, of course, from sparks and open flame. * Always keep the tree well watered. Check and refill often. ------------------------------------------------------------ .\/. * + + >><><< '/\' * /`x.`\ + * /;<> @ \ , \| * /& `';;;_\ \'-,_/| |./ * O (_)| '-./ )-,_ * \ o .--. ! / ( )`-._\ + .;`-'(_) '-`'. ,;v /_`;;, x <>* \ ,,;' + /(_) `';;;;,,_,;\` + | !/ ^ & `(_) | __ _ \^ @/`\ . !/`\ O/ + / `\/ `\ .'`-' + '--' _ '-`'. + |/`\ \| | /;;<> !_ o (_) + . \ * \ \_| / `';;(_) . _x ; \ (() / `\_ | _' & `';;;, O ^ (_),;\-'@_<"/ _, * | ^ y,-._ |(_) / ' * `'';;;;'` |\_.\` \ ( ) _=_/,-;_)\ /`\<> /``\ @ /`\ ! / \ _`) \_) . ' .-' --..' / .'`-' x '--' . '--'_. '-`'. \,(__/ .' .___.' /;;;,, O . _ + (_) . * \ \' \ ' . / '-. / /! `';;;;,, (_) ^ & <>,;;\ \-'\ ' . _| \/\ ' | @ (_)''';;;;,, o ,,;;;''` x| \.-\ {_} |_/ . | * o ' _ `';;;'` O (_) | .\_.\ ' . \ ,_./ \__ | _ + . ^ (_) .o _' . + | \ \ ' `. \__\___) \ (_) __ & __. (_) __ ! @ / \- \ ' . \____) '._.'` `'._.;;;;;;._.'` `'._.' . \ ' jgs. ' . ' . ' ' . . . ' ' * Use only noncombustible decorations. * Check and replace any worn or damaged light sets. It is a good practice to replace any set that is more that four or five years old. * Use only U.L. or F.M. approved light strings; spot or flo- odlights should only be used on an artificial tree; NO CANDLES! * Avoid overloading electrical circuits or creating "octopus" connections. * Do not use cellophane. There is no way to make it flameproof. * Treat trees with a Fire Marshal approved flame retardant. * Do not use cotton batting -- including Santa's whiskers -- or paper decorations unless they have been treated with a flame-retardant treatment. * Disconnect the lights at bedtime or when unattended * Use miniature lights that produce less heat. * Make sure there in an operational smoke detector installed nearby. * Remove discarded wrappings and packages from the house im- mediately and never burn them in the woodstove or fireplace - it could cause a chimney fire. * Do not burn tree branches in the fireplace - it could throw off a large amount of heat and cause a fire. Christmas trees also cause an oily soot which may damage the fireplace. So there you are...all the info to buy the tree. When you set it up, give it at least 24 hours in place BEFORE you start to decorate. This is a really good tip. The branches will rest into its true shape and you will have a better looking tree when you are done. Lizzy ____________________________________________________________ END OF I'M NOT MARTHA - Another FREE ShagMail publication Copyright 2002 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved. Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others -<>- "Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!" Tommy Smothers -<>- >Matching Shoes John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress. Nancy replied, "Silver." At that point, her husband chimed in, "Yep silver...to match her hair." Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot, Nancy's friend said, "So, John, I guess you're going barefoot." -<>- _____ .'~ ~ ~`. | a a | `. ~ .' .----'(>o<)`----. ( S S ) `---. o .---' ; o : ; o : / \ jgs / /\ \ .-' ~~ / \ ~~ `-. `.___.' `.___.' >Best Arrangement Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over the other and said, "Crimony sakes! Life is boring. We never have any fun these days. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through the darned flower show!" "You're on!" said the other old fellow, holding up five dollars. As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes, and while completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall. His friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by a loud roar of applause. The streaker burst back out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. Hurriedly, he ran over to his eager buddy. "Wow, what happened?" asked his friend. "It was great!" he said, "I won first prize for best dried arrangement!" -<>- _...._ .' '. / _ _ \ | O O | ; ; .-;-. \ '--' / /\.7./\ .-. '. .' .-./\/ )/ (_ \ ) ( / _)/ ` \ '-' '-' /\/ '. () .'\/ | | |/ | () | ; ; | () | ; /\ ; _ / / \ \ _ jgs / ` .' '. ` \ \___.' '.___/ >What was That?! Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard. As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light. After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and cried, "Holy Crap! Am I driving?" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Incredible Animals!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/incredibleanimals.html Winter Wildlife 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/winter2.html Church Mouse Wisdom!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/churchmouse.html 86 Year Old Grandma Gymnast!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grandmagymnast.html Dog Rescue Stories!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescues.html Dangerous Critters!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dangerouscritters.html Albino Hummingbird!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html Beautiful Exotic Birds!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds.html Animals And Windows!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalsandwindows.html Adorable Animal Selfies!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalselfies.html Underwater Life Of Eilat!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underwater.html Incredible Wildlife Photos!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildlife.html World's Most Expressive Cat!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expressivecat.html Scientists Unveil New Species!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newspecies.html FULL CHRISTMAS MENU!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasindex.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) OLD GUYS IN CONVERTIBLES? This had me in stitches. It's one of those "candid camera" things. Check out the looks on the faces of the young girls. Turn Up The Sound and Listen To The Classic Song .. "Only You" http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/ItXKGyO6cRA?rel=0 --- ...HaHaHa! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A wonderful look at some special moments Bob spent with the troops during his many Christmas performances. Bob Hope was without a doubt one of the greatest entertainers of all time. What a classic entertainer he was and I’m sure that anyone that ever saw him perform live will never forget the show. Thank You to all the Veterans that ever spent a Christmas away from their family and to Bob Hope for spending his Christmas with the troops. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppA4qYF7ARo “Christmas Where You Are” is a beautiful Christmas song for all the men and women of the armed forces serving around the world. Written by Five For Fighting and Jim Brickman the song is a heartfelt Thank You to those in the military and their families and they hope it will bring a little holiday joy for Christmas! If you have ever spent a Christmas in the military then you know how special spending Christmas with those you love is. https://youtu.be/tsvK1aGp8xo World War Two veteran Vince Speranza tells the Airborne Beer story that occurred at the Battle of the Bulge. Vince was serving in the 101st Airborne Division at the Battle of the Bulge. The 101st Airborne was cut off from the rest of the Army and was holding Bastogne when Vince was sent to find some radio batteries for his company. He got a little sidetracked on his mission when he stopped to visit a wounded friend and the rest is history. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZe2H8nvUAM --- ...Very Interesting and sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! Actor Kevin Sorbo plays a police officer trying to repair some broken relationships in this Christmas video of “Silent Night” by The Tabernacle Choir. The soundtrack of “Silent Night” is set to Mack Wilberg’s arrangement of the classic Christmas carol and performed by The Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Krj_9gOdy8k “O Holy Night” performed by GENTRI – The Gentlemen Trio in this music video is entertaining to watch but see if you don’t find a deeper message within the video. Christmas is a time of celebration for many people and their families but it can also be a depressing and lonely time of year. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4fvMgNfN0I 'The 12 Days Of Christmas' - from the 1979 TV Christmas special 'A Christmas Together with John Denver and The Muppets'. A lot of holiday fun! https://youtu.be/L_rMCwoCLv8 If you love Elvis Presley I think you’ll enjoy watching this performance of the classic Christmas song “Blue Christmas”. The video is from the 1968 Comeback Special 50th Anniversary HD Remaster. https://youtu.be/WwdI-gbm5kE --- ...Wow! Lots More Christmas Fun! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I read about a woman from California who is driving by herself across the country to visit every single Costco in the U.S. So far, she's traveled 2,000 miles - and that was just walking through one Costco." -Jimmy Fallon "Pope Francis has warned the media to stop spreading false information. Or as the media reported it, 'World's Top Rabbi Says 'Keep Up the Good Work!'" -Conan O'Brien "Today in 1884, the Washington Monument was completed, and if George Washington were here today to see it he would probably say, 'That looks nothing like me.'" -Seth Meyers One of the first things you learn on your honeymoon is, when you're carrying your bride over the threshold, always go in sideways -- unless of course two broken ankles and a concussion turn you on. "In other weird Japanese news - or as they call it in Japan, news - there are now plans for a park in Japan that will be a combination of a hot springs spa and an amusement park. It either sounds nice or like a sanitary nightmare." -James Corden "Two Connecticut residents stole over $1,000 worth of candles from the Yankee Candle Village. The suspects are being described as white." -Conan O'Brien "Tonight was the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. Thousands of people waited for hours in the cold just to go, 'Cool. OK, back to the hotel, let's go back to the hotel.'" -Jimmy Fallon The government will be requiring new food labels that are more specific. Products will now be labeled, no fat, low fat, reduced fat and fat, but great personality. "I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." -Beryl Pfizer, American journalist "Old age is no place for sissies." -Bette Davis At Christmas, remember that the best things at life aren't things. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************