Merry, Merry Christmas! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >--> ___ / __'. .-"""-. .-""-| | '.'. / .---. \ / .--. \ \___\ \/ /____| | / / \ `-.-;-(`_),____.-'._ ; ; `.-" "-:_,(o:==..`-. '. .-"-, | | / \ / `\ `. \ / .-. \ \ \ | Y __...\ \ \ / / \/ /\ | | | .--""--.| .-' \ '.`---' / \ \ / / |` \' _...--.; '---'` \ '-' / jgs /_..---.._ \ .'\\_ `. `--'` .' (_) `'/ (_) / `._ _.'| .' ``````` '-...--'` "A Visit From St. Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore (ASCII art by joan stark) `'`;, ___H_ _(`) _ _ 'Twas the night before Christmas _/\ \ ( ) ) (o\_/o) and all through the house... /\__\\____\( )_) |. .| Not a creature was stirring, ||""||''''| |`| =\ /= not even a mouse. ~~~`""""`""""`~~~~~~ ^ _ _ _ _ The stockings were hung |=| |=| |~| |=| o _ by the chimney with care, | | | | | | | | |(')---.| In hopes that St. Nicholas /(| /(| /(| /(| |~~|o _ | would soon be there. (_/ (_/ (_/ (_/ |===|(')---.| |~~| | The children were all nestled _,_ o _|=======| all snug in their beds, _,_(( ) |(')---.| While visions of sugar plums (( )`-`_,_ |~~| | danced in their heads. '-' (( ) |=======| `-` o _ And Mamma in her 'kerchief, ___, |(')---.| and I in my cap, /(__\ .---. |~~| | Had just settled our brains |__)__| / \_\ |=======| for a long winter's nap. ,@@. .@@, |_____|\| ,@@ ^ @@, //. .\\ (IIIIIIIIIII) When out on the lawn `"\_=_/"` ( ^ ) ) ; ( there arose such a clatter, \_=_/ ( ;|; ) I sprang from my bed ( ;`|`; ( to see what was the matter. * ____ . * ) ;' | '; ( .'_ '. (=@'--|--'@=) Away to the window ' ` `)a \ . ' ) '; | ;` ( I flew like a flash, . * /_ | ( ;___|___; ) Tore open the shutters ,__.=' / + ' ),;=======;,( and threw up the sash. + '.____.' . ~ ~ ' . . The moon on the breast ' * . _\/ \/_ of the new-fallen snow _\/\/_ Gave the lustre of mid-day . * _\_\_\/\/_/_/_ to objects below. _ _H_ + / /_/\/\_\ \ + [_] (_)_ _/\/\_ When, what to my wondering |=( : ) . /\ /\ eyes should appear, ' |( : ) * : * ' But a miniature sleigh, `~~`~~`"""`~~`~ . _\/ \/_ . and eight tiny reindeer. * \ \ / / * __. .--, -=>: X :<=- With a little old driver, .=,{\/ _/ /`) * / _/ \_ \ * so lively and quick, . ' (`._(_.;` / ' /\ /\ ' I knew in a moment . ' \_________/ * ' * it must be St. Nick. (___Y_____Y___, .-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, . ' .-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, ) More rapid than eagles `\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )< his coursers they came. /< <\ ()<_{:' /_____\ He had a broad face `'//\\'` {`_______`} and a little round belly, // \\ // . . \\ That shook when he laughed, /' '\ ( (__O__) ) like a bowl full of jelly. {[]==u `-'} { } He was chubby and plump, ____ /{ }\ a right jolly old elf, .'` `\ / '. .' \ And I laughed when I saw him, ;---.._ \ /_/ `"` \_\ in spite of myself; ,=,==, \_...__\ | {__}###[_]###{__} __\|_/__ | a - '.| (_/\_________/\_) A wink of his eye | || |--.o.--'(_) |___|___| and a twist of his head, | || |-' = '-` )-. jgs |--|--| Soon gave me to know |___||___| ) \ (__)`(__) I had nothing to dread. |"""||"""| ) | |__ || _| ) | He spoke not a word, /` )||__\'\;'--.-' | but went straight to his work, \ /`-;( / .' / And filled all the stockings; '-.; '--| ; .-'| [IIIII] then turned with a jerk, `'--.;--'...-' [IIIII]=| |=====|=| And laying his finger |=====| | aside of his nose, | | | And giving a nod, _/\_ __/\__ | | | up the chimney he rose; ) (_ _) .' ( | | \ `) '.( ) .' (` | ; \ He sprang to his sleigh, `-._\()/__(~` |`'. \ \ to his team gave a whistle, ()() \ ; \ \ And away they all flew / |`\ \' \.'| like the down of a thistle. ) : ( \ .'|_/ `)_/` '._:_/ But I heard him exclaim, Ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night !" __. .--, .-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, _.-.=,{\/ _/ /`) .-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, ) _..-'`-(`._(_.;` / `\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )<`--''` (__\_________/___, /< <\ -->From The FunnyBone: The Blond and the Snow Storm A blonde got lost in her car in a snow .. .. storm. She remembered what her dad had '\ /' once told her. "If you ever get stuck \\// in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow _.__\\\///__._ and follow it." ' ///\\\ ' //\\ Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and ./ \. she started to follow it. She followed '' '' the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart, now you can follow me over to K-Mart" ====================================================================== +-------------- Bizarre Christmas Traditions --------------+ In Italy they have no Christmas trees. Instead they decorate small wooden pyramids with fruit. Ukranians decorate their trees with an artificial spider and matching web. A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck. The citizens of Caracas, Venezuela block off the streets on Christmas eve so that people can roller-skate to God's house. It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are stirred in a clockwise direction. A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard. Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in red. In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are hidden because long ago it was believed that witches and mischievous spirits came out on Christmas Eve and would steal their brooms for riding. =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Patricia :) This is just so "RIGHT" from a very dear freind of mine at that!!! Luv' all! I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ... everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food. After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be . quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. Now let's see .. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than "Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties. Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the poop! --- ...Yeah! Thanks Pat! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Becky :) WRITTEN BY A 15 yr. Old SCHOOL KID IN ARIZONA : New Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME) ! Since the Pledge of Allegiance And The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore because the word 'God' is mentioned.... A kid in Arizona wrote the following NEW School prayer: Now I sit me down in school Where praying is against the rule For this great nation under God Finds mention of Him very odd. If Scripture now the class recites, It violates the Bill of Rights. And anytime my head I bow Becomes a Federal matter now. Our hair can be purple, orange or green, That's no offense; it's a freedom scene. The law is specific, the law is precise. Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice. For praying in a public hall Might offend someone with no faith at all. In silence alone we must meditate, God's name is prohibited by the state. We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks, And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.. They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible. To quote the Good Book makes me liable. We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen, And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King. It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong, We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong. We can get our condoms and birth controls, Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles. But the Ten Commandments are not allowed, No word of God must reach this crowd. It's scary here I must confess, When chaos reigns the school's a mess. So, Lord, this silent plea I make: Should I be shot; My soul please take! Amen If you aren't ashamed to do this, Please pass this on. Jesus said, 'If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.' Not ashamed. Pass this on. ---- ...Thanks Becky! This is so good, it reminds me of this one: Lamb Of God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/lamb.html .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. - TEACH THE CHILDREN - Author Unknown ASCII art by joan stark _ (__/_) .-'''''-. _ | |'-----'| / \|ate one Christmas Eve, I sank back, |-.....-| \__|\_ tired but content, into my | | easy chair. The kids were in bed, the gifts | | were wrapped, the milk and _,._ | | cookies waited by the __.o` o`"-. | | fireplace for Santa. .-O o `"-.o O )_,._ | | ( o O o )--.-"`O o"-.`'-----'` '--------' ( o O o) `----------` As I sat back admiring the tree with its decorations, I couldn't help feeling that something | important was missing. It wasn't \ ' / long before the tiny, twinkling -- (*) -- tree lights lulled me to sleep. >*< I don't know how long I slept, >0<@< but all of a sudden I knew that >>>@<<* I wasn't alone. >@>*<0<<< >*>>@<<<@<< I opened my eyes, and you can >@>>0<<<*<<@< imagine my surprise when I saw >*>>0<<@<<<@<<< Santa Claus himself standing >@>>*<<@<>*<<0<*< next to my Christ- \*/ >0>>*<<@<>0><<*<@<< mas tree. __\\U//__ >*>>@><0<<*>>@><*<0<< |\\ | | \\| >@>>0<*<0>>@<<0<<<*<@<< He was dressed | \\| | _(UU)_ >((*))_>0><*<0><@<<<0<*< all in fur from |\ \| || / //||.*.*.*.|>>@<<*<<@>><0<<< his head to his |\\_|_|&&_// ||*.*.*.*|_\\db//__ foot just as """"|'.'.'.|~~|.*.*.*| _____|_ poem described him, |'.'.'.| ^^^^^^|____|>>jgs>>| but he was not the ~~~~~~~~ '""""`-------' "jolly old elf" of Christmas legend. The man who stood before me looked sad and disappointed. And there were tears in his eyes. ____ "Santa, what's wrong?" I asked. ;` `'-._ "Why are you crying?" / \ /\ /` \ | ; "It's the children." Santa / \ | | replied sadly. / `\ | | / \_ / | "But Santa, the children love ; / `\ | you." I said. ,|_ __ \__/ | _\_o/_( |_ "Oh, I know they love me, and /`"=/\==""=="=="=="=="`\ they love the gifts I bring | )/ | them," Santa said, "but the \ / children of today seem to /';=""==""==""==""==";`\ have somehow missed out on | /` /~\ /~\ `\ | the true spirit of Christmas. | \ _ \o/ \o/ _ / | It's not their fault. It's \ ; (_) ` o (_) ; / just that the adults, / |\_.-""(__)""-._/| \ many of them not having | \ /\ / | been taught themselves, / '.___.' '.___.' \ have forgotten to teach | ,==, | the children." | ' ' | \ / "Teach them what?" I asked. | | \ / Santa's kind old face became '. .' soft, more gentle. His eyes jgs '-.__ __.-' began to shine with something '---'--'---' more than tears. He spoke softly. "Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas. Teach them that the part of Christmas we can see, hear, and touch is much more than meets the eye. Teach them the symbolism behind the customs and traditions of Christmas which we now observe. Teach them what it is they truly represent." | Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a \|/ tiny Christmas tree and set it on my mantle. \\|// "Teach them about the Christmas tree. \\\Y/// Green is the second color of Christmas. \\\|/// The stately evergreen, \\\\Y//// with it's unchanging color, \\\\|//// represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus. `\\Y//` It's needles point heavenward as a reminder `#` that man's thoughts should turn __#__ heavenward as well." [_ _] \___/ Santa reached into his bag again and pulled out a shiny star and placed it at the top of the small tree. * ' . . "The star was the heavenly sign . | . of promise. God promised a Savior \ | / + for the world and the star was * \|/ the sign of the fulfillment of --==> * <==-- ' that promise on the night that + /|\ . Jesus Christ was born. . / | \ Teach the children that God . ' | ' * always fulfills his promises, | and that wise men still seek Him." . ' . "Red," said Santa, "is the first color of Christmas." He pulled forth a red ornament for the tiny tree. ____ "Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the .' '. color of the life-giving blood that flows / # \_ through our veins. It is the symbol of | {_{c} God's greatest gift. Teach the children \ / `\ that Christ gave his life and shed his '.____.' (__) blood for them that they might have eternal life. When they see the color red it should remind them of that most wonderful gift." Santa found a silver bell in his pack and placed it on the tree. "Just as lost sheep are guided , to safety by the sound of the bell, it /\`--. continues to ring today for all to be |o-| )D guided to the fold. Teach the children \/.--' to follow the true Shepherd, who gave His life for the sheep." Santa placed a candle on the mantle and lit it. The soft glow from its one tiny flame brightened the room. "The glow of the candle represents how man ( can show his thanks for the gift of God's ,=(,)=, son that Christmas Eve long ago. Teach |'==='| _, the children to follow in Christ's | |,)/( footsteps. To go about doing good. | |)/<_, Teach them to let their light so >>>\, _/<8<-_/ shine before men that all may see >>>>>>oo<<)\( it and glorify God. This is what >>>>>>o<<<\/ is symbolized when the twinkle lights shine on the tree like hundreds of bright, shining candles, each of them representing one of God's precious children, their light shining for all to see." Again Santa reached into his bag and this time he brought forth a tiny red and white striped cane. As he hung it on the tree he spoke softly. "The candy cane is a stick of hard white candy. _._ White to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless /\|/\ nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the /\/ )-| Solid Rock, the foundation of the church, and /\/ `" the firmness of God's promises. The candy cane /\/ is in the form of a "J" to represent the /\/ precious name of Jesus, who came to earth /\/ as our Savior. It also represents the /\/ crook of the Good Shepherd, which He uses `" to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out the fallen lambs who, like all sheep, have gone astray. The original candy cane had three small red stripes, which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by which we are healed, and a large red stripe that represents the shed blood of Jesus, so that we can have the promise of eternal life. Teach these things to the children." ,...., ,;;:o;;;o;;, Santa brought out a beautiful wreath ,;;o;'''''';;;;, made of fresh, fragrant greenery and ,;:;; ;;o;, tied with a bright red bow. "The bow ;o;; ;;;; reminds us of the bond of perfection, ;;o; ;;o; which is love." "The wreath embodies ';;;, _ _ ,;;;' all the good things about Christmas ';o;;/_\/_\;;o;' for those with eyes to see and hearts ';;\_\/_/;;' to understand. It contains the colors '//\\' of red and green and the heaven-turned jgs // \\ needles of the evergreen. The bow tells |/ \| the story of good will towards all and its color reminds us of Christ's sacrifice. Even its very shape is symbolic, representing eternity and the eternal nature of Christ's love. It is a circle, without beginning and without end. These are the things you must teach the children." "But where does that leave you Santa?" I asked. The tears gone now from his eyes, a smile broke over Santa's face. "Why bless you, my dear," he laughed, "I'm only a symbol myself. I represent the _... spirit of family fun and the o_.-"` `\ joy of giving and receiving. .--. _ `'-._.-'""-; _ .' \`_\_ {_.-a"a-} _ / \ If the children are _/ .-' '. {c-.-o-.){\|` | taught these other things (@`-._ / \{ `~^~`} \\ _/ there is no danger that `~\ '-._ /'. } \} .-. I'll ever be forgotten." |>:< '-.__/ '._,} \_/ / ()) | >:< `'---. ____'-.|(`"` "I think I'm \ >:< \\_\\_\ | ; beginning to understand \ \\-{}-\/ \ at last." I replied. \ '._\\' /) '. /( "That's why I came," '97 `-._ _____ _ _____ __.'\ \ said Santa. "You're an jgs / \ / \ / \ \ \ adult. If you don't _.'/^\'._.'/^\'._.'/^\'.__) \ teach the children these ,==' `---` '---' '---' ) things, then who will?" `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""` .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. >-->From SermondFodder: Christmas Tidbits After turning eighty, Marie found that shopping for Christ- mas gifts had become too difficult, so she decided to send checks to everyone instead. She wrote, "Buy your own present" on each card and mailed them early. Marie enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities. Only after Christmas did she find the gift checks on her desk, which she had forgotten to enclose. === The children of our parish in Tokyo had been practicing their Christmas play. Right on cue, the innkeeper said, "There is no room." No one was prepared for Joseph when he turned to Mary and said, "I told you to make reservations!" === "I read this in the wall street journal today: The new trend in Christmas cards this year are 'DVD cards' - instead of a letter about your family and what you did this year, you put your yearly memories on a DVD which I really enjoy getting, you know why? They make great coasters." --Jay Leno === "But how about Christmas? It's exciting, isn't it? Isn't it? I was up shopping at Bloomingdale's today and I was in the elevator and they were playing - Kenny G was playing in the elevator and I gave him a nice tip." --Dave Letterman === "Oh, look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer. Who'd have ever guessed that product con- sumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?" -Calvin & Hobbes === This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To get a regular dose of Christian humor and a modern-day parable drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com -<>- >A POW Christmas Story As a POW, my captors would tie my arms behind my back and then loop the rope around my neck and ankles so that my head was pulled down between my knees. I was often left like that throughout the night. One night a guard came into my cell. He put his finger to his lips signaling for me to be quiet, and then loosened my ropes to relieve my pain. The next morning, when his shift ended, the guard returned and retightened the ropes, never saying a word to me. A month or so later, on Christmas Day, I was standing in the dirt courtyard when I saw that same guard approach me. He walked up and stood silently next to me, not looking or smiling at me. After a few moments had passed, he rather nonchalantly used his sandaled foot to draw a cross in the dirt. We stood wordlessly looking at the cross, remembering the true light of Christmas, even in the darkness of a Vietnamese prison camp. After a minute or two, he rubbed it out and walked away. That guard was my Good Samaritan. I will never forget that man and I will never forget that moment. And I will never forget that, no matter where you are, no matter how difficult the circumstances, there will always be someone who will pick you up and carry you. John McCain www.johnmccain.com ====================================================================== >-->In The Wordly News: >From Liberty Coucil: 50 victories for liberty With this year quickly coming to an end, I have prepared a special report for you outlining 50 victories for liberty in 2007. Please go here to have immediate access to this report: http://www.libertyaction.org/10181/offer.asp?rid=11737726 -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- 'Spider-Man' scales London building ------------- LONDON - French "Spider-Man" Alain Robert has scaled the more than 20-story Portland House building in London to raise awareness about global warming. Robert, sporting a T-shirt advertising the Web site thesolutionissimple.org, was arrested after he climbed the 331-foot-tall building, The Times of London reported Wednesday. Police, who cordoned off the area during Robert's stunt, arrested the climber, once he completed his assent, on suspicion of criminal damage and wasting police time. He was being held Tuesday in a London police station. Robert has climbed more than 70 of the world's tallest and most famous structures, including Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Empire State Building in New York and the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur. The climber, who was given the nickname "Spider-Man" for his wall-scaling abilities, performs the feats with no equipment or safety nets. -- Flight attendant suspended over muffin ----------- LONDON - A British flight attendant was suspended for help- ing himself to an uneaten muffin while busing a passenger's tray. British Airways said the move was made because the employee was suspected of theft and the incident was being taken "extremely seriously." The Sun reported Wednesday the suspension had many British Airways employees up in arms as well. Some called it an overreaction to an incident involv- ing a muffin that was headed for the trash bin. Others said the airline had become increasingly "heavy-handed" in its treatment of its employees. -- Wild ending to school Christmas pageant ---------- HIGH POINT, N.C. - Parents videotaping a North Carolina school Christmas pageant got a bonus of sorts when a wild fight broke out in the audience. WGHP-TV in High Point, N.C., said Wednesday that several parents sent in their video footage after the Tuesday night event at Oak Hill Elementary School degenerated into name-calling and fisticuffs, not to mention hair-pulling and a few thrown chairs. Some parents said the fight broke out among three women who had a long history of disdain for one another. More adults either joined in or were trying to separate the combatants. Police were summoned but most everyone had split by the time the squad cars arrived. "We were there to see our children," Marseddez Lopez told WGHP. "It's not fair to them." -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: 52 drivers make Santa's naughty list Sheriff's deputies in a California county issued 52 citations to drivers who made it onto an undercover Santa's naughty list. The Riverside County deputies spent three hours Tuesday morning observing the reactions of drivers to a sergeant dressed as Santa Claus repeatedly crossing the road at a pedestrian crosswalk, the Riverside (Calif.) Press-Enterprise reported Wednesday. Citations were issued to drivers who failed to yield to the brightly colored pedestrian, as well as some who made obscene gestures toward Sgt. St. Nick. Additionally, seven cars were impounded when their operators were found to be driving with suspended licenses or no licenses at all. One arrest warrant was served. "The main thing is we're out here for traffic safety. We're out here to inform and educate the public about the importance of being aware of their surroundings at all times -- that includes our school zones and crosswalks," said Lt. Dave Fontneau of the Lake Elsinore station. "Oftentimes we're distracted." Police: Driver tries to escape in car wash Authorities in Fond du Lac, Wis., said a suspected drunk driver attempted to shake a Sheriff's Department reserve officer by driving through a car wash. The Fond du Lac County Sheriff's Department said in a release that the reserve officer stopped the driver on suspicion of drunken driving near a gas station and the driver attempted to flee by driving through the station's car wash, allegedly nearly striking a Fond du Lac Police Department officer when the vehicle sped out the other side, the Fond du Lac Reporter said Monday. The release said police took up the chase, eventually stopping the driver four miles down the road. The report said city and county officers used a Taser on the 18-year-old man behind the wheel of the car before taking him into custody. An 18-year-old woman who was riding in the car was also taken into custody, but was later released. The driver has been charged with eluding an officer, drunken driving, second offense, driving with a suspended license and open intoxicants in vehicle. ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: I had volunteered to tar the roof on my father's shed. I was about halfway done when I slipped and fell flat on my face getting black goop all over my shirt, my pants, even my hair. Hearing the thud, Dad looked up. "What happened?" I got up and began to say, "All I did was..." when my feet shot out from under me and I flipped into the tarry mess a second time. "You know," Dad said dryly, "you could have just told me." -<>- WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) is proud to announce the opening of its "EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!" The course covers two days, and topics covered include: DAY ONE HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS. Step by step guide with slide presentation. TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR. Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics). DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts. REMOTE CONTROL. Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS. Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum. DAY TWO EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE TRASH? Group discussion and role play. HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH. PowerPoint presentation. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. Real life testimonial from the one man who did. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation. LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER. Online class and role playing. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques. REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE. Bring your calendar or PDA to class. GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME. -<>- A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a tramp steamer to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then the mate orders, "Come starboard." Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor. The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the circumstance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?" -<>- One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading out. As I got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy," I said. "Now you be good. Okay?" From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay." ================================================================ >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: Q. Where did the capital of Louisiana get its name? A. Baton Rouge, translated from the French, means "red stick", and came from the red cypress trees that once marked the boundary between local Indian tribes. **** Man is like an automobile... As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad. The transmission won’t go into high gear and sometimes has difficulty getting out of low. Overdrive is out of the question! The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest incline. When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top. The carburetor gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making it hard to get started in the morning. His gas fumes can kill ya! It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose. His frame has a big bow in the middle too. The thermostat goes out, making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery needs constant recharging. His shifter is stuck in the down position which is the ‘low position’ and ya can’t get any where that way. But if the body looks good, we can keep it washed and polished, giving the impression it can compete with newer models and make one more trip down the primrose lane before the head gasket blows. Gentlemen...start your engines! -<>- If you don't laugh at least once while reading this there is something wrong with you STUN GUN (Only a guy would do this!) Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Betty what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Was I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-GUN... that hurt like hell! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I’m still looking for various body parts… -<>- One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu." "Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee. "Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged. "But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon." "Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me." Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu." Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang... "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year." And so do I! MERRY CHRISTMAS -<>- >Mistletoe at the Airport It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe." "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is." (pause) "Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss." "That's not why it's there." (pause) "Ok, I give up. Why is it there?" "It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye." ======================================================================== ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A SNOWMAN by Frank Brothers __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ \/ \/ \/ \/ .\/. It's okay if you're a little bottom .\/. -=><=- heavy -*- Hold your ground, even -=><=- '/\' when the heat is on. -*- Wearing '\/' __ /\ __ white is always appropriate. -*- __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ -*- Winter is the best of the four \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> seasons. -*- It takes a few extra <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ rolls to make a good midsection. /_,/\,_\ \/ -*- There is nothing better than a \/ .\/. foul-weather friend. -*- The key to .\/. -=><=- life is to be a jolly, happy soul. -=><=- '/\' -*- It's not the size of the carrot, '\/' __ /\ __ but the placement that counts -*- __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ We're all made up of mostly water. \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> -*- You know you've made it when <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ they write a song about you. -*- /_,/\,_\ \/ Accessorize! Accessorize! Access- \/ .\/. orize! -*- Avoid yellow snow. -*- .\/. -=><=- Don't get too much sun. -*- Don't -=><=- '/\' put someone else's corncob pipe in '/\' __ /\ __ your mouth - you never know where __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ it's been. -*- It's embarrassing \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> when you can't look down and see <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ your feet. -*- It's fun to hang out /_,/\,_\ \/ in your front yard. -*- Always put \/ .\/. your best foot forward. -*- There's .\/. -=><=- no stopping once you're on a roll. -=><=- '/\' . _{_}_ * '/\' __ /\ __ + /_..._\ + __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ * /` `\ \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> | _.-----._ | <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ ,_ \/ o o \/ . _ /_,/\,_\ \/ \| | V | , |/ * \/ .\/. + _\\ . \ '...' / \//--. .\/. -=><=- ` \\/ |`'-----;`\-.//_ -=><=- '/\' .--\\ .'-.____.|-(.// , . '/\' __ /\ __ \) _ \ \/ '-'\ __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ * ; (_) | |;.__/ + \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> " "" | _ \ \| . "" <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ """" "| (_) \_.;"" "" /_,/\,_\ \/ "" \ / "" " \/ .\/. "" .. '._ _.' H A P P Y .\/. -=><=- .. '-----' H O L I D A Y S-=><=- '/\' """ .. """ '/\' __ /\ __jgs ""__ /\ __ "" __ /\ __ ""__ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ \/ \/ \/ \/ ========================================================= >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Who Is He? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/who.html One Day! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/oneday.html Christian Position In Christ http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/christianposition.html Awesome Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesome.html God Is Like http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html Winter Wonderland: Christmas in Vienna http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=9086 ELF MADNESS Put yourself, family and friends into this series of ridiculously silly holiday greetings Starring You! http://tinyurl.com/2ntbuu IT'S A JIBJAB LIFE Put yourself, family and friends into a parody of the holiday movie classic using JibJab's 'Starring You!' technology! http://tinyurl.com/2w28zv HAPPY HOLIDAYS cards from JIBJAB http://tinyurl.com/2k9r7s -<>- >From Our Friend Barbara :) Reason for-the-Season Video http://worriersanonymous.org/Share///Christmas1.html -<>- >From Our Friends Barb & Tony in Australia :) Christmas Dinner http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/files/ -<>- >From Our Friend Patricia :) An Angel For You http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/photos/browse/1f2a -<>- >From LynnLynnLinks: hyacinth---- In The Bleak Midwinter http://hyacinth.webbywarehouse.com/poetry/inthebleakmidwinter.html Christmas Invitation Via Carol http://livingeachday.com/c_invitation/ Junebug w/ Rudolph http://carolynspreciousmemories.com./Junebugs/Holidays/Rudolph.html Cyberspace Christmas Vis Juanita http://tcastle.com/ccmas.html Sadie's Christmas Angel http://www.texasbobsworld.com/sadies_christmas_angel.htm WINTER'S JOY Via Sandy http://wandascountryhome.com/wintersjoy/index.html notice, changes in santa's route! http://www.anzwers.org/free/ash/xmas/5/route.html NO CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/NOCHRISTMASTHISYEAR.HTML Ken w/ Hello my Children http://gospelman.info/christian/HelloMyChildren.html White Christmas by the Drifters (1954) http://heavens-gates.com/50s/whitechristmas/ Candy Cane race http://games.mvm.com/candycanerace/index.php Dogs http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21729.htm Domino http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21730.htm Escaping Germany http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21731.htm Fat Is Good http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21732.htm To Subscribe from this group, send an email to: lynnlynns-links-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ============================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down." --Mitch Hedberg "The method preferred by most balding men for making them- selves look silly is called the 'comb-over,' which is when the man grows the hair on one side of his head very long and combs it across the bald area, creating an effect that looks...from the top...like an egg in the grasp of a large tropical spider." --Dave Barry "I announced to my wife I was going to the supermarket with her the next time she went because the stuff she kept bringing home was not fully in the spirit of American junk food. While she was off squeezing melons, I made for the junk food section. The breakfast cereals alone could have occupied me for most of the afternoon. There must have been two hundred types. The most immediately arresting was a cereal called Cookie Crisp, which tried to pretend it was a nutritious breakfast but was really just chocolate chip cookies that you put in a bowl and ate with milk. Brilliant." --Bill Bryson in "I'm a Stranger Here Myself." "I read this in the wall street journal today: The new trend in Christmas cards this year are 'DVD cards' – instead of a letter about your family and what you did this year, you put your yearly memories on a DVD which I really enjoy getting, you know why? They make great coasters." --Jay Leno "But how about Christmas? It's exciting, isn't it? Isn't it? I was up shopping at Bloomingdale's today and I was in the elevator and they were playing – Kenny G was playing in the elevator and I gave him a nice tip." --Dave Letterman "Over 250 people got sick after eating at an Indiana Olive Garden restaurant. People are afraid this will ruin Indiana's reputation for fine Italian food." --Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Uh Huh :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************