Mom's Antiques And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press ... This one is from our friend Maxy's Pal. She sent us a link to a page that I just had to do up a page for. Be sure to Check it out here: .'"'. ___,,,___ .'``. : (\ `."'"``` ```"'"-' /) ; : \ `./ .' `. :.' / _ _ \ | 0} {0 | | / \ | | / \ | | / \ | \ | .-. | / `. | . . / \ . . | .' jgs `-._\.'.( ).'./_.-' `\' `._.' '/' `. --'-- .' `-...-' Albino Bears http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albinobear.html Number 2 comes from a forward from our friend Viv. None of us are perfect! Only God holds that title! These pictures show life at it's most imperfect times. It has already received a Comment From our friend Carol: I really enjoyed the health tips, but whoops was soooooooooo funny I almst fell out of my chair!!!! ____ , ,)\\ /< c WHOOPS! \o__/(_____ _)|/ ,/\_/\ '\ Did I Do That? ('/___/ \$/ \ \\) \/ : < \ |/____| | / / | : /__o/ |__'__/(_| b'ger \ )_ /|\ Life's Little Opps! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops.html Number 3 is from our friend Jo Ann. I combined two of her forwards together for this amazing one. Take a second and check out this one... _ ( ) ,,,,, \\ . . , \\ | - D (._) \__- | | | \\|_ , ,---- _ |----. \__ ( ( / ) _ | \/ \. ' _.| \ ( ) | \ /( / /\_ \ // \ / ( / / ) // ( , / / , (_.) |......\ | \, / / ) \--- b'ger /___/___^// Got a Nanosecond? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano.html --- ...Thank You So Much Ladies! You Bring Us Sweet SMILES! -<>- >I spent a good part of Saturday updating the ,--.!, __/ -*- ,d08b. '|` It'll Light Your Fire! 0088MM `9MMP' hjm Fun URLS Page here http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html Once a year I spend hours checking all its links to make sure they are good. I decided to get it done for the year since Geocities and our friend John-Paul alerted me to the fact that they are closing their free web site hosting. Those links had to be removed from the Fun URLS. I don't want it having dead or redirecting links. Like I told John-Paul, before I went pro with Geocities, I was juggling three web sites to have more traffic for my site. I used http://www.angelfire.com/ as another free hosting site. They are pretty easy and similar to geocities. Still another free old tried and true one out there is http://www.tripod.com/ I never used them though as they were always noticeably slower in loading pages then geocities. I do highly recommend that if you can afford paying for the pro option from yahoo that you do. It gives many more people access to you as your site isn't always closed. If I had known then what I know now, I would not of done the juggling. I didn't want to pay for my site when it wasn't even generating a penny from the hundreds of affiliates I had worked so hard to get for it. [Affiliates are a waste of time! I had at least 5 different hosts for my affiliates and none of them worked well] However, once I had the pro, I liked it so much that I went with Yahoo's dot com small business option to avail my site to even more people. Now I'm totally hooked on this service. Excellent all the way around. Just never buy into their new stuff. They wind up closing it sooner or later and causing you to change your stuff or save and move your stuff. Just keep to the basic stuff and all is well. If you have a site now on GeoCities that you switch to another host or go pro with, let me know and we can swap site links. --- ...Thanks John-Paul for forwarding it and thereby letting me know this was an issue I should talk about with the group too. ============================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: A Cook's Dictionary Oven Mitt: A partially charred grease stain that fits over the hand. Picnic: Any meal eaten more than 100 yards from the nearest bathroom. _ _ H Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions / \ / \ for preparing ingredients you forgot \( | | | .-| to buy in utensils you don't own to OOOO| | | |_| make a dish the dog won't eat the ___OOOO|_|_|___|_ rest of. |____OO___________| j/\/\/O/\/\/\/\/\/| Sugar: One of a class of carbohydrates g\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\| present in one form or another in all s/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/| food. Common sources of sugar and \\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ the types they contain are: `'============='` fructose and glucose (fruit juice and honey); lactose (milk); sucrose (sugar cane or sugar beets); maltose (malt); and jocose, verbose, morose, lachrymose, bellicose, and comatose (alcohol). Taste: 1) The ability to distinguish between, say, tripes a la mode de Caen and chocolate pudding. 2) The critical discernment necessary to choose the chocolate pudding. Timer: Adjustable clock that rings or otherwise signals when a particular dish is overcooked. ================================================================== +------------------- Bizarre Body Facts -------------------+ Hippocrates, the Father of Medicine, suggested that a woman could enlarge her bust line by singing loudly and often. Men loose about 40 hairs a day. Women loose about 70 hairs a day. A person remains conscious for eight seconds after being decapitated. The first human sex change took place in 1950 when Danish doctor Christian Hamburger operated on New Yorker George Jargensen, who became Christine Jargensen. Unless food is mixed with saliva you cannot taste it. On average a hiccup lasts 5 minutes. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails. A newborn baby's head accounts for one-quarter of its weight. If all your DNA is stretched out, it would reach to the moon 6,000 times. =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) .... .... .... .... || || || || /"""l|\ /"""l|\ /"""l|\ /"""l|\ /_______\ /_______\ /_______\ /_______\ | .-. |------| .-. |------| .-. |------| .-. |------ __|L|__| .--. |__|L|__| .--. |__|L|__| .--. |__|L|__| .--. _\ \\p__`o-o'__\ \\p__`o-o'__\ \\p__`o-o'__\ \\p__`o-o'_ ------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------Krogg------ >Refresher Course for Those Who Know EVERYTHING! ********************************************************* The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma. ********************************************************* No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead....I'll wait.. ********************************************************* Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass) ********************************************************* You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. ********************************************************* Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older. ********************************************************* The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. ********************************************************* The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE ********************************************************* American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class. ********************************************************* Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you ? That women are going the 'right' direction....?) ********************************************************* Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning .. ********************************************************* Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN! ********************************************************* The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first 'Marlboro Man'. ********************************************************* Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE! ********************************************************* PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR! ********************************************************* The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. ********************************************************* It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs. ********************************************************* A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. ********************************************************* Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now !) ********************************************************* And the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don't YOU ?) So........................ Remember, knowledge is everything, so pass it on...and go move your toothbrush!!! ****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine**** -<>- /=/ __/=/ /::/| _/::/ / /_~/||/ [__]/|' / /// :F_P: (o)|/ y// /=/ /=/ YOU GOTTA DRIVE THIS TRAIN http://www.allright.com/Poems/TOLRailway/TOL.htm -<>- >New use for Windex I haven't checked 'snopes.com' to see if This actually Works or not . . . . But they say, If you ever get the Sudden Urge to run around naked, You should spray yourself some Windex first. It'll keep you from ___ _ _.-"_< } ""--"" 7( /()) / )/ ^ ( \ / / /.' // ______/L___ sexii Streaking. --- ...Oh Man! -<>- kaleidiscope http://www.zefrank.com/byokal/kal2.html -<>- "You should have known better, Mom, than to tell us to get what we need and get in the car. Now you'll never get Billy to Grandma's! Not without his 'puppy'....." \ _ \ ____ \\ \ /\ O O \\ \ /\_\ () ' ' "WAAHH!!" \\________.-~\\ ____/ (((( '/ / %%% \\/ ( oo ` / %%oo% /=====/) \O/ ' \ \__%%-/%__| | \\// \\ \ \ // \\ | | \/__|/ jro / / \) (/ | | //\\ / / /___\ | | (_)(_) \_;; ||| \_;; ||| \_)) Now these kids don't have problems >Kids Are Quick ____________________________________ TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' _________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher -<>- .( /%/\ (%(%)) .-'..`-. `-'.'`-'dd >The Lesson A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the preacher decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The preacher found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his preachers visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited. The preacher made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the preacher took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone then he sat back in his chair, still silent.. The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone ember's flame flickered and dimin ished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead. Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The preacher glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave. He slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow,once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it. As the preacher reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, 'Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday.' ------ , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little. Consequently, few listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken. The Lord is my Shepherd ----- that's a Relationship! I shall not want ----- that's Supply! He maketh me to lie down in green pastures ----that's Rest! He leadeth me beside the still waters -----that's Refreshment! He restoreth m y soul ----- that's Healing! He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness --that's Guidance ! For His name sake ----- that's Purpose! Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death--that's Testing! I will fear no evil ----- that's Protection! For Thou art with me ----- that's Faithfulness! Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me -----that's Disci pline ! Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies------that's Hope! Thou annointest my head with oil ----- that's Consecration! My cup runneth over ----- that's Abundance! Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life----that's Blessing! And I will dwell in the house of the Lord -----that's Security! Forever ----- that's Eternity! Face it, God is crazy about you! --- ...Wowsers! Okidoki! Thanks Sandi! ============================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: [POLITICS] >Seems like a good deal For Those That Like To Read... In 1776 when Thomas Paine penned a simple pamphlet entitled Common Sense, he had little idea his words would be credited with sparking a revolution — a revolution that created the most successful republic in the history of humankind. Today, Glenn Beck is firing the first shot in the movement to take America back from the out-of-control liberals in Washington with his new book Common Sense. Like Paine's work, Beck offers extraordinarily straightforward and indisputable arguments that encourages his fellow citizens to take control of America's future — and, ultimately, her freedom. In Common Sense, Beck reminds us that nearly two and a half centuries after Paine's work was released, our very freedoms once again hang in the balance. And now, Glenn Beck revisits Paine's powerful treatise with one purpose: to galvanize Americans to see past government's easy solutions, two-part monopoly, and illogical methods and take back our great country. Glenn Beck's Common Sense Absolutely FREE — Just Pay Shipping! Free Glenn Beck book and Newsmax Mags for Just shipping of $4.95! https://www.newsmaxstore.com/nm_mag/free_sense.cfm?s=al&promo_code=8341-1 -<>- >From Liberty Counsel: Outraged citizens take stand to back down ACLU bullies We have had a tremendous response to our petition opposing the ACLU's latest tactics to suppress the free speech rights of students and teachers. The ACLU has gone "over the top" in bullying small school systems lately because they are encouraged by support from the Obama/Pelosi/Reid government. But thanks to your participation and the help of many others, we now have over 86,000 signers to our petition to stop them! Americans are standing up to the "school-yard bullies"! Please forward this message to your friends and ask them to join in signing this crucially important petition. http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?u=20146&RID=10702139 Mat -<>- >From Grassfire: The Government wants to determine your health care choices If allowed to go unchecked and unchallenged, Obama will steal away your right to choose your health care options! Don't give the Government control over our private and personal health care decisions. Take a moment to join in by adding your name to Grassfire's national petition opposing Obama's socialist plan. Click here to add your name: http://www.grassfire.org/122/petition.asp?PID=21451734&NID=1 -<>- >From BizarreNews: ,--. : `---. _.-. _ __ \-._ .-' /| ' `.__.-"" ). ) ")-"""-. / .-' `. .-' \_ |-"" .'_.;.-"--.) ._.-'"--.__.-" `-.__.-""-' Ojo 98 (straps altered by ejm) -- Police: Girl tried to strangle with biikini -------- LIDKOPING, Sweden - Police in western Sweden said a teenager allegedly tried to strangle her cousin with a bikini top during a fight. Authorities in Lidkoping said the 17-year-old cousins were sunbathing Friday when one of the girls attempted to strangle the other by pulling her bikini top tight around her neck, The Local reported. The girl also allegedly bit her cousin and threatened to kill her during the incident, the report said. It's like I've always said, "The bikini top is the most dangerous of all summertime garments." ( . ) ) ( ) . ' . ' . ' . ( , ) (. ) ( ', ) .' ) ( . ) , ( , ) ( . ). , ( . ( ) ( , ') .' ( , ) (_,) . ), ) _) _,') (, ) '. ) ,. (' ) jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ -- Man sets record for running while on fire --------- ALTON, England - A Scottish man has broken the world's record for running while on fire, witnesses said. Keith Malcolm, a nurse from Aberdeen, Scotland, set himself ablaze and ran 259 feet, beating the old record of 227 feet, Sunday at the Alton & North East Hampshire Agri- cultural Show, in Alton, England, The Daily Telegraph reported. The stunt was aimed at raising money for cancer research. Malcolm had a team from the Hampshire Fire and Rescue department standing by as he sprinted in a ball of fire while wearing eight layers of protective clothing, including four layers of fireproof undergarments, the Telegraph said. The newspaper said Malcolm also coated himself in protective "stunt gel" so as not to be burned by the flames, which reached 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit. "There wasn't much left of the jacket at the end," Malcolm told the Telegraph. "To be honest, the heat I felt was what you would expect if you were wearing all those clothes and a helmet in hot weather and trying to run." ___ .-" "-. .' . ; `. / : . ' : \ | ` .-. . ' | | : ( ) ; ` | | : `-' : | \ .` ; : / hjw `. . ' .' `-.___.-' -- Cops purchase struggling doughnut shop ---------- CLARE, Mich. - Members of a Michigan police department, apparently unafraid of jokes at their expense, banded together to purchase their favorite doughnut shop. The Clare Police Department, which has nine full-time officers, purchased the Clare City Bakery and changed the name to Cops & Doughnuts after discovering the previous owners were planning to close down the 113-year- old shop, WNEM-TV, Saginaw, Mich., reported Tuesday. The officers said they are volunteering their time with the bakery and will not be paid for their services. They said the shop will be staffed by high school and college students. Cops & Doughnuts apparel, including a T-shirt stating, "You Have The Right To Remain Glazed," are now available. -- Stolen wallet found years later in tree ---------- NEW YORK - A New York woman said a wallet stolen nearly 27 years ago in Central Park was found in inside a hollow tree. Ruth Bendik, 60, said she was greeting runners at the end of the New York marathon Oct. 24,1982, and "when I got out of the crush of people, I realized my purse was much lighter," CNN reported Tuesday. Josh Galiley, tree- care supervisor for the Central Park Conservancy, said he was chopping down a 65-year-old hazardous black cherry tree in the park last week when he found the blue leather wallet in the hollow trunk. "I started poking in the soft stuff and this wallet turned up. Having been that low in the tree... the location indicated it had been there for quite some time," Galiley said. He said finding a wallet inside of a tree was a first for him. "When you're cutting a tree and it's hollow, you expect stuff inside, shreds of material, old marbles, really just knickknacks compared to this," he said. Bendik praised those who found her wallet and tracked her down to return it. "The lengths they went to find me, the extent that they went through and the fact that they were concerned about my feelings really impressed me," she said. She said all that was missing from the wallet, which still contained her driver's license and credit cards, was $20 cash. "Twenty dollars was a lot of money then," she said. ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) >COLONEL ED HAS DIED He wanted to be a Marine fighter pilot. The US was building up their military force, but they were not at war yet and the Navy required all its potential Navy and Marine pilots to have two years of college. So Ed started classes at Boston College. When Pearl Harbor was attacked the Army and the Navy both dropped the college requirement and Ed applied to the Marines. His primary flight training was in Dallas and then he went to Pensacola, Florida. He was carrier qualified, which means he knew how to perform a controlled crash of his single engine fighter, onto the rolling deck of a Navy floating runway. Read The Rest Here: http://www.americanconservativedaily.com/2009/06/colonel-ed-has-died/ --- ...Wow, and to think I watched him over and over and never knew he was an American hero. Thanks Wesley! ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) __i |---| |[_]| |:::| |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm Try to remember this EVERY TIME you have to talk to a customer service representative and you cannot understand them. I did not know that we could do this, but I sure am going to try it. Help bring jobs back to the U.S.A. Ask for an American! ************************************************************ How to save some American jobs and we can help! Hi Everyone, I want to share with you some great information that I found out purely by accident. I believe it can also save and create jobs in America while giving people better customer service. So how many times have you called a company's service phone line and found that the rep. can barely speak English? Once with a major mortgage company it was so bad I demanded to speak with someone who spoke English. Right at that moment I broke the code, the secret password for customer service. Come to find out that every American company using overseas operators must transfer you to an American rep. by saying....... "I want to speak to a representative in America ". (Don't take no for an answer on this) This was confirmed by the American rep. that they must transfer you after that request. I've tried it on a half a dozen major companies including cable, bank, phone and mortgage companies. It works every time and I actually get my issues taken care of. PLEASE FORWARD THIS SO THE EAGLE WILL REMAIN CRYING. THANK YOU! --- ...I Added the picture to our Yahoo Groups! Thanks Maxy's Pal! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/ ================================================================== >-->The Last Piece of Ice ___ ,.-"',..'"-. ,' `.,' : '`'.`. ;`-. " `. ``:` `.'. .. '`-.:...-:-` ' . ; `.; . : ' . |. . ```:---...,;,, .| | `:--..: / \ ' | `.; :```' "./##\:' ``-..:___| |####| `.|##"' Copyright 2003 W. Bruce Cameron — Please do not remove the copyright from this essay When I was a young boy there was nothing so thrilling as exchanging the boredom of school for the boredom of summer vacation. I'd trudge through those last days of the academic year with fatigue weighing my every step. I'd sit at my desk, numb and dull, awaiting the last bell of the last day. And then, freedom! I'd burst from my bed every morning and race outside, where absolutely nothing was going on. Instead of enduring studies and social interaction and games at recess and the rest of it, my friends and I would sit on the curb like lizards in the sun, building up vast reserves of inertia, having conversations like this. "What do you wanna do?" "I don't know, what do you wanna do?" In 1955, Paddy Chayefsky wrote the screenplay for the classic film Marty, staring Ernest Borgnine, which features a lot of exchanges like the one above, but let me tell you: My friends and I invented that dialogue. We also worked on perfecting our hyperbole: "I'm so hot, my tongue tastes like a, like a rock that's all dirty and, and, um, hot." "Yeah? Well I'm so hot my blood is like dirt." "Well you're just copying off of me! I said my rock was all dirty." "You said it was your tongue. I'm saying all of my blood. That's a lot worse." "Well if you want to talk about blood, my blood feels like it is full of dirty rocks." "That's stupid." "You're stupid!" "No, you." "No you!" "(Pause.) So what do you wanna do?" "I don't know, what do you wanna do?" One of the few events to break through the hard crust of our ennui during the week was the arrival of the milk truck, driven by Mr. McCord. You could hear him coming a block away-wheezing, clanking, held together with wires and glues, puffing black clouds of exhaust and grinding gears-and his truck was in even worse shape. He'd apparently been driving this route since the invention of, well, milk, and the pocked exterior of his truck looked as if it had been strafed by enemy fire. To supplement the truck's weak refrigeration unit, whose coils suffered from such bad arteriosclerosis they were barely more effective at cooling than a spot of shade, Mr. McCord packed his products in slabs of ice. Whenever he saw us, Mr. McCord would stop and offer us a piece of ice, a pure, succulent chunk of glacier he'd chip off and hand us so that we could wash the dirt from our rocky tongues. Then one day a new milk truck appeared, the driver some stranger who scowled when he saw us. "There's no ice," he warned us, having already encountered our types earlier in his route. "It's a new kind of truck." A new kind of milkman, too, we realized, a mean one who didn't understand what it felt like to have blood like hot dirt. He marched up the sidewalk and suddenly I was seized with an impulse so out of keeping with the spirit of summer that I almost didn't recognize it: ambition. When the mean milkman turned away I sprinted over and up into the back of the milk truck, my heart pounding. Inside the truck it was dark and cold, like a morgue. I half expected to see old Mr. McCord hanging in there toward the back, but instead encountered racks of milk and cream, and no ice at all. I knew I had just seconds. Desperate, driven, I opened one of the coolers and raked my fingernails along the metal sides, scratching off some of the hoarfrost and clutching it in my fist. When I burst out the door, the mean milkman was there. "Hey!" he shouted, grabbing at me as I shot past. I ran down the street, my friends in pursuit. Panting, we pulled up under a tree, where I showed them my tiny, rapidly melting prize before putting it in my mouth. In a flash, it was gone, but I closed my eyes and swooned for over a minute. That last piece of ice, I assured my friends, was the sweetest of all. Write to Bruce. http://www.wbrucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm ================================================================ >-->25 Phrases Of Wisdom .__---~~~(~~-_. _-' ) -~~- ) _-" )_ ( ( `-,_..`.,_--_ '_,)_ ( -_) ( -_-~ -_ `, ) (_ -_ _-~-__-~`, ,' )__-'))--___--~~~--__--~~--___--__.. _ ~`_-'( (____;--==,,_))))--___--~~~--__--~~--__----~~~'`=__-~+_-_. (@) (@) ````` `-_(())_-~ mn 1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) oooo---Something has crashed on my computer http://community-1.webtv.net/EVALTSAM4509/Somethinghascrashed/ -<>- ____ / \ /______\ || || /~~~~~~\ || /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ /~ ( )( ) ~\ || /~ ( )( )( )( )( ) ~\ (_)======(_) || (_)===============(_) |________| _||_ |_________________| Keely 02/94 >Mom`s Antiques The table in our sitting room, Is mostly made of glue, And if you put a book on it, You`d break it right in two. The davenport`s so wobbly, That our mother has a fit, When ever callers happen in, For fear they`ll sit on it. Now when a fly walks up the wall, The old piano creaks. There`s nothing new in our house-- Just shaky old Antiques! The broken wooden trundle bed, Where baby takes a nap, Was thrown away- long ago, When George Washington was just a little chap. The clock looks like a coffin The wheels are made of wood, It`s older than the Pilgrims, But it isn`t any good. O`, There`s horsehair all around the floor, Need I say more? Cause the sofa always leaks, You see, there`s nothing new in our house,--- Just shaky old Antiques Before our Mother got this way, Our parlor things were new, And we could sit on some of them, With out us a falling through Now, all our new comfortable stuff, She`s lately gone and sold, and won`t have anything in the house, That isn`t ages old! We know she`ll soon get more stuff, In just the next few weeks, She may even trade US children in, For them old, old, old!-- `ANTIQUES`! (Smile)~~~~~~~John-Paul --- ...TeeHee! a Good One! Thanks John-Paul! ============================================================== >-->** FAMOUS LAST WORDS ** O , U <_\__--"-' | |\ `----' L L Wny * I'll get a world record for this.. * It's fireproof. * He's probably just hibernating. * What does this button do? * It's probably just a rash. * Are you sure the power is off? * Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it? * The odds of that happening have to be a million to one! * Pull the pin and count to what? * Which wire was I supposed to cut? * I wonder where the mother bear is. * I've seen this done on TV. * These are the good kind of mushrooms. * I'll hold it and you light the fuse. * Let it down slowly. * Rat poison only kills rats. * It's strong enough for both of us. * This doesn't taste right. * I can make this light before it changes. * Nice doggie. * I can do that with my eyes closed. * I've done this before. * Well, we've made it this far. * That's odd. * You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? * Don't be so superstitious. * Now watch this. ============================================================ >-->From The Jokester: _______________________________________________________ | ___________________________________________________ | | | | |\_ _/| | | | | |(_\ .----. /_)| | | | | | /| _))))))/ /.^^)^\D | | | | | | ( | o--' a`~^^\) <((>______ | | | | | | | | \,,, _~^^^\) `------,`. | | | | | | | | ^^^ _~^^^\)___________)) | | | | | | \ | >~~^^^\( ) | | | | | | c==e / | | | | | | | BB \( | | | | | | | }{\__\ | / | | | | | | \_( /_________( / | | | | | | | / \ | \ | | | | | | | __ ( > ( >( > __ | | | | | |(_/ _/ | _/ |_/ | \_)| | | |________|________|/________'^^^`_____'^^^'^^^^`___\| | |ZOT____________________________________________________| Hollywood Squares: These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course... Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde (About fifteen minutes later): Loneliness! And the audience laughed for another 10 to 15 minutes. Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant? George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em. Can you get an elephant drunk? Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won't go up to your apartment. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"? Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking? Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget! What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't? Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies ... but I don't recommend the cookies! Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What's that mean? George Goebel: Cattle crossing. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit? Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn. ======================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Fresh Each Day (by Ron Hutchcraft) OK, I'll confess. I can drive by the candy store. I can drive by the ice cream shop. I can pass up the pizza place, but it's very hard for me to not stop at the bakery. Yes, bakeries are my weakness, and it's a good thing I don't work in one - I'd weigh 500 pounds. Now most bakeries have this discount stuff in a corner; it's the day old baked goods. Oh it's cheaper, but there's a reason. There's a big difference between day-old and fresh baked. That line at the bakery early in the morning; that's not for yesterday's goodies, let me tell you. Those folks are there to get the doughnuts or the bread that just came out of the oven. And I might be right at the head of the line. I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Fresh Each Day." Getting it fresh - that's not only a good idea at the bakery, but also when it comes to picking up your provisions from heaven, too. God's got new resources for you each new day; mercies that are according to the Bible are, "new every morning" (Lamentations 3:23 ). The reason so many of us are spiritually up and down, lacking the power we need, the strength we need, constantly being overwhelmed by the day's events is that we aren't stopping at God's "bakery" each morning to pick up that day's "bread." God gives us an enlightening picture of how to stay spiritually strong in our word for today from the Word of God. Exodus 16 , beginning in verse 4, records God's delivery system for feeding His people as they wandered in the desert: "'I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day'...So Moses and Aaron said to all the Israelites...'In the morning you will see the glory of the Lord.'" Through Moses, the Lord went on to command His people not to store any of His manna overnight. "However," it says, "some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell" (that is day-old at its worst!). But God's plan worked. The Bible says, "Each morning everyone gathered as much as he needed." That's been God's plan ever since; that each of His children would gather each morning all the spiritual resources he or she needs for that day. Speaking of Himself, Jesus said, "The bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world" (John 6:33 ). Each day, we are to get a fresh helping of Jesus: His thinking, His perspective, His strength, His outlook. And that means consistent time with Him, through His love letter, the Bible, each new day. You can't store up the resources to live the Christ-life anymore than the ancient Jews could store up manna. You can't let your personal Jesus-time be something you do occasionally or when you feel like it or when you can fit Him in to your busy schedule. Make your daily time with Jesus Christ non-negotiable. Everything else is going to have to revolve around your time with Him instead of what usually happens, your time with Him having to revolve around everything else. If you will anchor your day to a personal time with Jesus Christ, you'll start to experience a realness, a closeness, a consistency, a victory in your relationship with Him that you've always wanted but maybe never had. You need to hear from heaven each day if you're going to live for heaven while you're on earth. And day-old or week-old stuff just won't cut it for this new day. You need what Jesus has prepared for you fresh each day! [Permission to distribute this material via email, or individual copies, is automatically granted on the condition it will be used for non-commercial purposes, and will not be sold. To reproduce "A Word With You" transcripts in any other format, including Internet websites, written permission is needed.] -<>- >The Laugh ,;;. ,' '''-,-. __ \,, > / _ ' \ `./-' `. ' (_._ ,(--) `| ' /` } `----' ( | | ) || |`. | '_I |_|__| ' c'c' |)|) |'|' ,_'_'_\ jv Strong Young Man The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young guy replied. The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "Alright. Get in." SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ============================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit: Odin The White Tiger http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html Koala In A Heatwave http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html True Duck Tale http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/duck.html What Friends Are For http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/whatfriends.html Hope Of The Return http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/hopeofthereturn.html -<>- >From Our Friend Viv :) She sent forwards of ones we already have as a page TOP WAYS TO STAY HEALTHY! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stayhealthy.html Humor With The Troops 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humor2.html --- ...Thanks for the funny reminders Viv! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Droste Effect Tutorial http://xrl.in/2p5f Address Mapping Bookmarklet http://www.bookmaplet.com/ Choose Your Professor Wisely http://www.pickaprof.com/ Look up symbols and Learn their meanings ! http://www.symbols.com/ Where’s George ? http://www.wheresgeorge.com/ --- ...Some Good Ones! Thank You Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/A Caring Heart http://silverandgoldandthee.net/GC/Ca.html John w/ Ain't No Wheels On This Ship http://heavens-gates.com/patsy/wheels/ If I Had Another Day http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/IfIHadAnotherDay.htm Men Invented Everything http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkdak.htm Mouse http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdkoo.htm Movie http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhkji.htm Mozart http://www.buffaloschips.com/kkjop.htm Neumaticob http://www.buffaloschips.com/jijoij.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com -<>- >From PageExchange: Be sure to watch this funny one... Babies Rollerskating http://tinyurl.com/n7shcz Mevo and the Grooveriders http://tinyurl.com/mu6o9e Ultra Killz http://tinyurl.com/med5qp Flalls http://tinyurl.com/ks5roy Chaos of Mana http://tinyurl.com/lggp6l Scary Museum Prank http://tinyurl.com/nfkua7 ============================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Today, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi says she sees no need for a House resolution in praise of Michael Jackson. Pelosi added, 'Isn't it enough that I'm slowly starting to look like him?'" - Conan O'Brien "Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one." - A. J. Liebling "Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some." - Jose Marti "Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch." - Robert Orben "In this business you either sink or swim or you don't." - David Smith "Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens." - Nick Diamos ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************