Mom's Definitions And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ . , )). -===- ,(( ))). ,((( ))))). .:::. ,(((((( ))))))))). :. .: ,((((((((' `))))))))))). : - : ,(((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))_:' ':_(((((((((((((((' `)))))))))))).-' \___/ '-._((((((((((( `))))_._.-' __)( )(_ '-._._((((' `))'---)___)))'\_ _/'((((__(---'((' `))))))))))))|' '|((((((((((((' jim `)))))))))/' '\(((((((((' `)))))))| |(((((((' `))))))| |((((((' /' '\ /' '\ /' '\ /' '\ '---..___..---' *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) his flaming hot new page is from our friends Linda, LousieAu, and Geniann. It is one to give both your aww quota and smiles for the day. Be sure to check it out here... ,. ,. {^ \-"-/ ^} " """ " { _ } Just Hanging Around ==_ .:Y:. _== ."" `--^--' "". (,~-~."" "" ,~-~.) ------( )----( )----- ^-'-'-^ ^-'-'-^ _____________________________ |"""" /~.^.~\ """"| hjw ,i-i-i(""( i-i-i. `97 (o o o ))"")( o o o) \(_) /(""( \ (_)/ `--' \""\ `--' )"") (""/ `" Look Who's Talking 11 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking11.html --- ...Such a fun adorable series! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: . | \/| (\ _ ) )|/| (/ _----. /.'.' .-._________.. .' @ _\ .' '.._______. '. / (_| .') '._____. / '-/ | _.' '.______ ( ) ) \ '..____ '._ ) ) .' __.--\ , , // (( '.' mrf| \/ (_.'( ' \ .' \ ( \ '. \ \ '.) '-'-' Two men are standing at the top of a cliff. One has two budgies, one on each shoulder. The other has a parrot and a shotgun. The first guy jumps off the cliff and on the way down the birds fly away. He crashes on the rocks below and rolls over on his back. He looks up just in time to see his friend jump off too. As the second guy falls the parrot flies off, he pulls up his shot gun and shoots at the bird just before he too crashes onto the rocks. They lie there groaning in agony for a bit before the first guy says, "I really don't see what is supposed to be so great about budgie jumping!" The second guy lets out a groan and says, "I'm really not too impressed with free-fall parrot shooting either!" -<>- I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with oh dear!! ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 18 is National Cheeseburger Day September 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day and National Butterscotch Pudding Day September 20 is National Pepperoni Pizza Day and National Punch Day September 21 is International Peace Day, Miniature Golf Day and World Gratitude Day September 22 is Autumn Equinox - Fall begins! and Business Women's Day, Elephant Appreciation Day, Hobbit Day and Native American Day September 23 is Checkers Day, Dog in Politics Day, International Rabbit Day and Oktoberfest begins in Germany - date varies September 24 is National Cherries Jubilee Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' >Cattle Guards It was reported recently that a Washington bureaucrat sent a letter to the state of New Mexico requesting the number of cattle guards in the state. The state promptly responded and was told by Washington, "That's too many. You'll have to fire about half of them." -<>- >New Waitress A new and inexperienced waitress tells another waitress she is concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them. The other waitress explains that tray stands are placed throughout the restaurant. The nervous beginner serves all her lunches successfully, and afterwards asks an elderly couple if everything has been all right. "It was fine, dear," replies the man, "but my wife and I have to leave now. Could she please have her walker back?" -<>- >Dog Bowl I was shopping in a pet store when I overheard a woman singing the praises of a particular water bowl to her husband. "Look, it even has a water filter!" she concluded, holding the doggie dish out for her husband's inspection. He had a slightly different take on things: "Dear, he drinks out of the toilet." -<>- >Handy Man A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, "Handy man wanted; apply within." So he does and speaks to the foreman. "Can you drive a Bobcat?" the foreman asks. "No." "Can you plaster?" "No." "Have you ever done any carpentry?" "No." "If you don't mind me asking," says the foreman, "what's so handy about you?" "Well, I only live about five minutes down the road..." -<>- >Birthday Cake The mother was having difficulty gulping down the birthday cake her young son had made for her as a surprise. When she was finished, he happily exclaimed, "I'm so glad you like it, Mommy. There should have been 32 candles on the cake, but they were all gone when I took it out of the oven." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; >SMILES A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." On being asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!" -------- A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. "Look," said the customer, "I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure", said the bartender, and he did. "Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth." "Certainly." And it was done. "If," said the armless man, "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket, you'll find the money for the beer." The bartender got it. "You've been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men's room?" "Out the door," said the bartender, "turn left, walk two blocks, and there's one in a filling station on the corner." -------- Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a poem and they give him $50." "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, calls it a song, they give him $100." "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!" -------- An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested that all her pallbearers be women. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "Men wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." -------- I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four." -------- After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "That's still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror! -------- A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" "Throw out an anchor, sir." "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" "Throw out another anchor, sir." "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?" "Throw out another anchor." "Hold on," said the Captain, "where are you getting all your anchors from?" "From the same place you're getting your storms, sir." -------- The other day I was in the local auto part store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all look at each other and ask, "What's a seven ten cap?" She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it?" they ask. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she says that it's a Buick. "Okay, Lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we ask. She says, "I don't know, but it's always been there." One of us gives her a note pad and asks her if she can draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it...and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics. One guy says, "I think you want an oil cap." She says, "Seven Ten cap, oil cap, I don't care what you call it. I just need one, and I don't see what's so darn funny about it." Yes, she was a blonde. If you read "710" upside down, it spells OIL! --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >2 TOUGH QUESTIONS Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, Who had 8 kids already, Three who were deaf, Two who were blind, One mentally retarded, And she had syphilis, Would you recommend that she undergoes an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one. Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates. Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day. Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, Sleeps until noon, Used opium in college And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening. Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero, He's a vegetarian, Doesn't smoke, Drinks an occasional beer And never committed adultery. Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first... No peeking, and then scroll down for the response. Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Winston Churchill. Candidate C is Adolph Hitler. Oh and by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven. Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone. -<>- ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >Another Quiz for people who know everything There are only nine questions. This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers. 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? 6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them. 7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them? 8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh. 9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.' > > > > > > > > Answers To Quiz: 1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing. 2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls. (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.) 3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb. 4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry. 5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. 6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle. 7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce. 9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts. Pass this on - Don't send it back to me. I've already flunked it! -<>- _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >Financial Planning Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years my father will die and I will inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman asked for his business card, and three days later she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at financial planning than men. --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: President Trump Participates in a Bipartisan Meeting http://tinyurl.com/y76jhe2e A Unified Nation http://tinyurl.com/ybz2bhtn Latest from American Action News: https://americanactionnews.com/index Latest From Trump Train News: http://www.trumptrainnews.com/ Latest From True Daily News: http://truedaily.news/ Latest From MRC News http://em.mrc.org/kR0wY0L00oq00BKd6i0c80S Priorities: NBC Still Silent on Menendez Bribery, Hypes Cruz Twitter ‘Like’ What’s more important? A staff member for a Republican senator apparently “liking” a pornographic tweet on Twitter or a Democratic senator on trial for bribery and corruption, facing possible resignation and years in prison? If you answered with the first option, then you might work for NBC News. http://em.mrc.org/O0k0q8dS0000LRYJ0Z0Ki6B Nothing to See Here: CBS, PBS Skip Dem ID for S@x Abuse Allegations Against Liberal Mayor http://em.mrc.org/NB00KRdK000iqkS00L8060Y -<>- >From BizarreNews: A man who was angry that his boyfriend ended their relation- ship, cut off his own fingers and then tried to frame his boyfriend with a crime, according to police in Wisconsin. The Wood County Sheriff's Office said that they have arrested 21-year-old Damon J. Laru, after trying to set his former boyfriend on fire. According to the police investigation, Laru and the victim were together for a period of time. When the victim decided to end the relationship, Laru became mad. On Saturday Laru broke into the victim's home. Laru told the victim that he wanted to know why the relationship was ended. When the victim asked him to leave, Laru tried to set a bed on fire. He then pulled out a knife and cut the victim. The suspect then bit the victim's finger. The victim managed to flee from the home, and went to a neighbor's house to call the police. Laru then trashed the victim's home and used a knife to cut off his own fingers. Laru yelled that he would tell police that the victim did it to get him in trouble. Laru later admitted to cutting off his own fingers to frame the victim. -<>- Horry County police said that they stopped a local town mayor for cutting his mother-in-law's lawn. And riding his lawn mower on a public road while drinking beer. Police released a video showing John Gardner, the mayor of Aynor, South Carolina, riding a lawnmower with an open can of beer. After police officers stopped him, they ordered Gardner to pour the beer on the ground. The officers then allowed Gardner to continue, because rank hath its privileges, and reported the incident to the Town of Aynor. Gardner defended himself, saying that he cut the grass of his mother-in-law's lawn and then went to the gas station to refuel. Gardner bought the can of beer at the gas station. Gardner said that he only opened the can of beer after police ordered him to pour the beverage on the ground. Personally, I think if more politicians took the time to personally help their neighbors, and had a few drinks while doing it, the country would be a better place. *------ Woman Charged with Loaded Privates ------* A police officer was surprised to find a loaded gun inside a woman's private parts while booking her into jail for possessing drugs, according to police in Illinois. Chenoa police said that they have arrested 20-year-old Amika Witt of Ozark, Missouri, after being accused of hiding heroin and ecstasy in her bra. While being booked into jail, a police officer found a loaded gun in Witt's private parts. According to the police investigation, an officer pulled over a car that was traveling 90 miles per hour on Inter- state 55. When police searched the vehicle, they found drugs and weapons. *---------------- Habeas Corpus ----------------* Police in Albuquerque said a stolen U-Haul trailer was found abandoned after the thieves apparently discovered its contents: The remains of the victim's father-in-law. The Albuquerque Police Department said a Chevy Trailblazer SUV and the U-Haul it was towing were stolen from outside the Residence Inn. "Inside the U-Haul was a casket, containing the body of the victim's father-in-law," police said in a statement. Police said the couple was driving from Oklahoma to San Juan County to bury the man when they stopped for the night at the hotel. Investigators said the SUV, trailer and its cargo were found abandoned about four hours after the initial report in the parking lot of the Puerto Del Sol Golf Course. Tixier said a hotel employee who witnessed the theft told police a Chevy Silverado pickup truck appeared to be involved in the incident. Police stopped a truck matching the description after a short chase and three suspects were arrested. *-------------- Can't Help Myself --------------* A teen who was accused of smacking women's behinds in a public park, told police that he knew it was wrong, but he could not help himself, according to police in Delaware. New Castle County Police said that they have arrested 19- year-old Tomiere Harris, in connection with multiple unlawful sexual contact incidents, which occurred in Glasgow Park. Over the course of several months, New Castle County Police investigated the report of a 43-year-old woman being inappropriately touched as she was walking in the park. The woman reported that the man smacked her behind. In another incident, a woman was using a portable bathroom in the park when Harris opened the door and exposed himself to her. During police questioning, Harris admitted that what he did was wrong, but claimed that he could not help himself after seeing the women's backsides. Harris was charged with four counts of third-degree unlawful s@xual contact, s@xual harassment and second-degree indecent exposure. *-- President Trump Saving Money on Lawn Care --* An 11-year-old boy had his wish to mow the White House lawn fulfilled, and not even a chat with President Donald Trump could slow him down. Frank Giaccio of Falls Church, Va., wrote a letter to the president earlier this year expressing his wish to visit the White House and mow its famed lawn. Press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders shared the request with the media and said the White House would grant the wish. Giaccio was invited to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., and spent Friday morning with one of the groundskeepers. When given a push mower, he got to work trimming the grass in the Rose Garden, outside the Oval Office. In the middle of the job, Trump walked outside and spoke to the boy. Video shared on social media showed him mow straight past the commander in-chief. Eventually, when he reached the end of the row, Giaccio stopped and chatted with Trump, who also gave the boy a high five. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) ! T ....Well-l-l-l-! O _._ O . (_{}) ...Blow me down..Sweet Pea! T. . .\__\ \|/c- o that's not me spinach... U--=U- (_,_) ...it's SPAM! ...Uk Uk Uk Uk... ^_(/\)_^ /\ o /\ /\ / /| o |\ \ |/\| < \| o |/ > |\/| \ W\ o | W/ ******/ YUK! \ \_o_| \ ========= / )))) )))) | /| ~ | | | |______/| c")@/\ __ ____\ @ @__________| SPAM /|__________~/ \____. / _/ /_ |_______| \ \/ ) \___.. / /( ) ) | /| =(/ /( / ____)/D; ==-=== == ========= =( /--\______)/D; >SMILES Grandpa was celebrating his hundredth birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air, day after day, for some 75 years now." The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. "Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved to be wrong would go outside and take a walk." -<>- Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher. I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately. "You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there." -<>- A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash. The doctor asked the man: "What are you doing, walking the dog?" The man replied: "Oh no, I'm just dragging my toothbrush on a leash." The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions... And the man said to his toothbrush: "Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!" -<>- >Comedy at its best - Unemployment COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America. ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 5.6%. COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%. COSTELLO: You just said 5.6%. ABBOTT: 5.6% Unemployed. COSTELLO: Right 5.6% out of work. ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%. COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 23% unemployed. ABBOTT: No, that’s 5.6%. COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 5.6% or 23%? ABBOTT: 5.6% are unemployed. 23% are out of work. COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed. ABBOTT: No, Obama said you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed. COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!! ABBOTT: No, you miss his point. COSTELLO: What point? ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair. COSTELLO: To whom? ABBOTT: The unemployed. COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work. ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment? ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely! COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work? ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how it gets to 5.6%. Otherwise it would be 23%. COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? ABBOTT: Two ways is correct. COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? ABBOTT: Correct. COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job? ABBOTT: Bingo. COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work. ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a Democrat. COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the heck I just said! ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like Hilary. --- ...LOL! Thanks Fran! ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' >Marriage Definitions BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony. BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat. GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it. HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw. LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition. SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place. WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet. -<>- Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot." -<>- The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother." -<>- A Sunday School teacher wanted to use squirrels as an example of a diligent work ethic and being prepared. She started the lesson by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children were excited to show her what they knew and leaned forward eagerly. "I'm thinking of something that lives in trees and eats nuts." No hands went up. "It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail." The children looked around the room at each other, but still no one raised a hand. "It chatters and somtimes it flips its tail when it's excited?" Finally one little boy shyly raised his hand. The teacher breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Okay, Michael. What do you think it is?" "Well," said the boy, "I know the answer's supposed to be Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me." -<>- The boss joined a group of his workers in the company break room and told a joke he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Dewey. When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Dewey, the boss said, "What's the matter, Dewey? No sense of humor?" "My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow." -<>- My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." -<>- Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls. "Your wife must love these rolls," he said. "How do you know these are for my wife?" I asked. "Because I don't think your mother would send you out in weather like this." -<>- Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park them- selves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday, lads?" "Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, hire a car, and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful Country...the history, the beer, the culture..." "Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh, Jim? And we can't stand the English; they're so arrogant and rude, not civil and polite like us Canadians." "So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) ---`-._, )--- ------( / |---- | ( | :__/|\_; \ |/ )(\_ /_)--` gpyy \_! >"Mom's Definitions" AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42. BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all ( except Mom) to be self-cleaning. BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically. BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves. CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes. CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar. CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables. COOK: 1. Act of preparing food for consumption. 2. Mom's other name. COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting. DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge. DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone. DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR." EAR: A place where kids store dirt. EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them. EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING." ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something. "EXCUSE ME": One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children. EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife. FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew. FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM" FROZEN: 1. A type of food. 2. How hell will be when Mom lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle. GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mom assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself. GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids. GUM: Adhesive for the hair and carpet. HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing. HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc. HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of any meal. HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers. HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth and the Golden Fleece. ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty. INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mom has spent a minimum of half an hour getting them ready to go outside. "I SAID SO": Reason enough, according to Mom JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night. JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals. "JEEEEEEEEZ!": Slang for "Gee Mom, isn't there anything else you can do to embarrass me in front of my friends?" JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids. JUNK: Dad's stuff. KETCHUP: The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the dish that Mom spent hours cooking and years perfecting to get the seasoning just right. KISS: Mom medicine. LAKE: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so. LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents. LIE: An "exaggeration" Mom uses to transform her child's papier-mache volcano science project into a Nobel Prize-winning experiment and a full-ride scholarship to Harvard. LOSERS: See "Kids' Friends" MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush,etc. which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look "like a slut." MAYBE: No. MILK: A healthful beverage which kids will gladly drink once it's turned into junk food by the addition of sugar and cocoa. "MOMMMMMMM!": The cry of a child on another floor who wants something. MUSH: 1. What a kid loves to do with a plateful of food. 2. Main element of Mom's favorite movies. NAILS: A hard covering on the end of the finger, which Mom can never have a full set of due to pitching for batting practice, opening stubborn modeling clay lids and removing heat ducts to retrieve army men and/or doll clothing. OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals. OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company. OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad. PANIC: What a mother goes thru when the darn wind-up swing stops. PENITENTIARY: Where children who don't eat their vegetables or clean their rooms eventually end up, according to Mom. PETS: Small, furry creatures which follow kids home so Mom will have someone else to clean up after. PIANO: A large, expensive musical instrument which, after thousands of dollars worth of lessons and constant harping by Mom, kids will refuse to play in front of company. PURSE: A handbag in which Mom carries the checkbook and keys she can never find because they're buried under tissues, gum wrappers, a plastic container full of cereal, toys from a fast-food restaurant, a teddy bear, a football, wallpaper samples, a grocery list and several outdated coupons. QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college. RAINCOAT: Article of clothing Mom bought to keep a child dry and warm, rendered ineffective because it's in the bottom of a locker stuffed in a book bag or because the child refuses to wear "the geeky thing." REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air conditioner for the kitchen. ROOM MOTHER: A position of great honor and responsibility bestowed on a mom who inadvertently misses a PTA meeting. SCHOOL PLAY: Sadistic ritual in which adults derive pleasure from watching offspring stumble through coarse reenactment of famous historic events. SCREAMING: Home P.A. system. SNOWSUITS: Warm, padded outer garments that, when completely zipped and snapped performs two important functions: Protecting children from the cold and reminding them that they have to go to the bathroom. SUNDAY BEST: Attractive, expensive children's clothing made of a fabric which attracts melted chocolate and grape juice. TEACHER CONFERENCE: A meeting between Mom and that person who has yet to understand her child's "special needs." TERRIBLE TWO'S: Having both kids at home all summer. TRAMP: A woman with two kids and no stretch marks. TROUBLE: Area of nonspecific space a child can always be sure to be in. VITAMINS: Tiny facsimiles of cave people Mom forces you to swallow each morning as part of her sinister plot to have you grow up to be "Just like Daddy." WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room. WASHING MACHINE: Household appliance used to clean blue jeans, permanent ink markers, loose change, homework, tissues and wads of gum. "WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME": Standard measurement of time between crime and punishment. XOXOXOXO: Mom salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid's lunch box even more mortifying. ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it. -<>- ,--. //^\\\ ,;;;, . ((-_-))) (-_- ; /_\ )))((( >..'. .:. .--. |SSt| ((_._ ) /. .| :-_-; /-_-)) _))A ((_//| S || ,`-'. ))-(( `( )`' |___|),;, C \\_/,`I )) \ / | | |`' |___(/-'|___() ,-. )( | | | | | | | | | (-_-) _____ /__\ |_|_| |_|_| |_|_| (\I/\.__|A|R|T| `'' `-'-' `-'-' `-'-' `'-`' `o' `o' >WORDS FOR YOUR FAMILY by Gary Smalley and John Trent ** I'm proud of you. ** Way to go! ** Bingo--you did it. **Magnificent. ** I knew you could do it. ** What a good helper. ** You're very special to me. ** I trust you. ** What a treasure. ** Hurray for you! ** Beautiful work. ** You're a real trooper. ** Well done. ** That's so creative. ** You make my day. ** You're a joy. ** Give me a big hug. ** You're such a good listener. ** You figured it out. ** I love you. ** You're so responsible. ** You remembered. ** You're the best. ** You sure tried hard. ** I've got to hand it to you. ** I couldn't be prouder of you. ** You light up my day. ** My buttons are popping off. ** I'm praying for you. ** You're wonderful. ** I'm behind you. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) My Bulldog Life!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mydoglife.html Only One Job!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob3.html Last Shot!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastshot.html CATtitude!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cattitude.html Big Boy Toys!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html Awesome Bikes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Jobs That Suck!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html Over The Limit!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit.html Morons at Work!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Life's Little Oops!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops.html Little Help Please!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/helpplease.html Only In Australia!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html Did You See That?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Humor With Golf!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfhumor.html Men Will Be Boys!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html Got A Nanosecond?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano.html Farmers Gone Wild!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/farm.html Shopping With Men!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menshopping.html Beware Of Dog Signs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bewareofdog.html Decorating A Man Cave!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mancave.html MacGyver - How To Do It!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver.html -<>- From Students For Life: http://social.bluehornet.com/p/vWbgcyBEMN You're invited to a free simulcast of the Getty Music Worship Conference: Sing! http://tinyurl.com/yaapn85u The VOM Advance Conference coming Saturday, October 28 Many Christians around the world today are persecuted because of their faith in Christ, yet they continue to advance the gospel through their lives and words. At the VOM Advance Conference you will meet persecuted Christians and hear their inspirational testimonies. There is no charge to attend the VOM Advance Conference. Register online or by phone at 800-747-0085 https://www.vomadvance.com/clicktrack/conference/72/22/ -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) 6 Classic Amish One-Dish Dinners - Amish 365: Amish Recipes - Amish http://www.amish365.com/6-classic-amish-one-dish-dinners/ --- ...Sounds Yummy! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us one we have here... Beautiful Cactus Blooms and Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cactusblooms.html --- ...Stunning! Thanks Geniann! Listen to your heart https://www.youtube.com/embed/SkY03n0_sD8 --- ...Incredible photography! Beautiful and sweet! Thanks Geniann! Superbowl 2017 top 5 Bud Commercials https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3umEGId8Svc --- ...Love these! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Peter Marvey performs his incredible magic at the French TV show "The Worlds Largest Cabaret." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK86kO8lRf4 How does he do it? Some of the effects can be explained by professional magicians, but wait until he gets to the end! The video is taken all in one continuous shot. Criss Angel is a master in doing magic tricks for the television camera. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCepP0HmcB0 --- ...Sweet!!!! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The creators of Fyre Festival, a luxury music festival that left attendees on an island without adequate food, water, shelter, or medical care, are all being sued for $100 million. If you want to attend the trial, tickets start at $5,000." -Conan O'Brien "Taco Bell just announced that it will be adding beer to the menu at certain restaurants in Canada. It's the first time that going to Taco Bell will lead to getting drunk and not the other way around." -James Corden "A man in Oregon walked away with minor injuries after he fell asleep in a dumpster and ended up in a trash compacter. It raises a lot of questions, and the answer to all of them is tequila." -Jimmy Fallon "Year, (noun) A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments." --Ambrose Bierce's DEVIL'S DICTIONARY "Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." --Mark Twain "I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later." -Mitch Hedberg "A Stanford study suggests that social media is making us smarter. They examined hundreds of essays written by college freshmen between 1917 and 2006. By 2016, the papers were longer, better researched, and more complex. That's because kids in 2016 cut and pasted them from Wikipedia." -Jimmy Kimmel "NASA is sending chocolate to astronauts on the International Space Station. I guess it makes sense I mean, it's not like those guys have to watch their weight. "Nope, still zero pounds.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober." -Conan O'Brien "I heard that Hillary will actually be signing books at a Costco in Connecticut. It's going to be awesome when someone gets to the front and goes, 'Oh, I thought this was the line for cheese samples. I'm sorry. Can you sign a cheese sample?'" -Jimmy Fallon "A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out when the ransom note said, 'We has your son.'" -Conan O'Brien "Musician and prospective Senate candidate Kid Rock gave a political speech last night in Detroit and said, 'I love black people and I love white people, too, but neither as much as I love red, white and blue.' Oh, g - he's gonna win." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************