Moms, Teachers, Weather Forecaster - Oh My! ...:) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ (\ \'\ \'\ __________ / '| ()_________) \ '/ \ ~~~~~~~~ \ \ \ ~~~~~~ \ ==). \__________\ (__) ()__________) unknown NOTE: I hope everyone gets their group emails proper. I've noticed that Yahoo lately has not been sending me a copy though I check and see the email is on the group page. Normally you will get the SMILES every Monday/Tuesday, an EXTRA both on Wednesdays and Sundays, and the INSPIRATIONS every Thursday/ Friday. I sometimes will skip an EXTRA but unless I notify you, I will always do the SMILES and INSPIRATIONS. If you are ever in doubt or missing emails, check on the group page at Yahoo here: https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/ShangyFunList/conversations/messages or my website page here: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ShangyFunList.html Or, you can always email me direct. :) ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super sizzling hot new page is from our friend Johanna. If you're like me it probably will give you some mixed emotions. Who knew our wonderful fur babies could look so ferocious while playing fetch! Check this one out for some laughs and be sure to see the video here too - I could watch this one over and over and over again! _ (\ \) o__^\/ , \ ' \ < _ _ ' ' . `| \____\ - - ' . . () | ) _ _ `.' `.' .//---_/-_/ _ _ Dog Water Fetch http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/waterfetch.html --- ...TeeHee! What an amazing one! Thanks Johanna! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _.._..,_,_ ( ) ]~,"-.-~~[ .=])' (; ([ | ]:: ' [ '=]): .) ([ |:: ' | ~~----~~ Paul Martin Howard After a Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers,' a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Guiness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" and the Guiness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I." -<>- Coach: What this team needs is life! Manager: Aw, coach, don't you think thirty days is enough? -<>- Elizabeth: How can you tell if a bull is about to charge? Vernon: He takes out a credit card. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 7 is National Tourism Day May 8 is Iris Day, National Teacher's Day, No Socks Day, V-E Day, and World Red Cross Day / World Red Crescent Day May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day, National Receptionist Day and School Nurses Day May 10 is Clean up Your Room Day May 11 is Eat What You Want Day, Child Care Provider Day or Daycare Provider Day, Military Spouses Day and Twilight Zone Day May 12 is Birth Mother's Day, Fatigue Syndrome Day, International Migratory Bird Day, International Nurses Day, Limerick Day, National Train Day and National Windmill Day May 13 is Frog Jumping Day, Leprechaun Day and Mother's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: %%%% %%% , %%%6 ` """" %%% < oo''@ @ | %%% )( __o / 9 %%%_ \ _/ \ / \= / |_\ ) _| |__ Y__ ___ /___ \ \__/..<' |_| ---/ / \H/ \ \_..--<__________/ / | \ )==0 ____oooo______oooo______ ####### /_______________________/ ######## [_______________________] ####### || | | || | \ || ||___| |___||/ \ || || || || || / // || || || || ( || || || || || \ || || || || || )|| | == | | == | |\\ |(__)/ \(__)| _apc____V\\\____________________ ====================___ >Dinner Problem A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight nervously announced about thirty minutes outbound from Los Angeles, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change their mind, we still have twenty-nine dinners available!" -<>- >New Boots My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots. "Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?" "At the store," she answered. "Which one?" I asked. She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them!" -<>- >First Visit A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." -<>- >Go Ask your Mother My six-year-old son seems to demand my attention just when I am most busy around the house. My standard reply has been, "I'm busy right now. Go ask your mother." The disappointed look often on his face as I sent him away convinced me to change my priorities. I resolved to give him my immediate attention whenever he asked. My resolve was quickly tested. I had just climbed to the top of our two-storied house, paintbrush and bucket in hand. As I dipped my brush into the paint I heard his little voice call, "Daddy, Daddy." Determined to keep my new resolution, I immediately laid paintbrush and bucket aside and climbed back down to the ground to see what he wanted. I got down on both knees, looked him straight in the face and asked, "Well, now what can I do for you, son?" His reply: "Daddy, where's Mommy?" -<>- >Delivery Suspicion There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do, I first opened the peephole and asked, "Who's there?" "Parcel Post, ma'am. I have a package that needs a signature." "Where's the package?" I asked suspiciously. The deliveryman held it up. "Could I see some ID?" I said, still not convinced. "Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break into your house, I'd probably just use these." And he pulled out the keys I had left in the door. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` >SMILES Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. "No way am I getting on an airplane," was the in- evitable answer. "Look, Mom, when it's your time to go, it doesn't matter if you're on the ground or in the air." "I know," said her mother. "I just don't want to be that far off the ground when it's the pilot's time to go." ---------- A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the woman, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The woman replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my husband did." ---------- One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark. He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom. His mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom'. ---------- One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son polar bear were sitting in the snow. The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" The father polar bear replied, "Of course, son, you're 100% polar bear." A few minutes pass, and the son polar bear turns to his father again and says, "Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I 100% polar bear? No brown bear or panda bear or grizzly bear?" The father polar bear replies, "Son, I'm 100% polar bear, your mother is 100% polar bear, so you are definitely 100% polar bear." A few more minutes pass, and the son polar bear AGAIN turns to his father and says, "Dad, don't think your sparing my feelings if it's not true. I gotta know-am I 100% polar bear?" The father polar bear was distressed by this continued questioning and asked his son, "Why do you keep asking if you're 100% polar bear?" "Because I'm freezing!" ---------- It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him. "Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and He shows up." ------- Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now, Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment... Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call." ------- _____________________________________________ | _________________________________________ | | |26.1.00 | | Z | | | | z | | Napoleon Bonaparte | | z .-------------------------------------. | | Z | ...and then, in 1808, he entered... | | | z | ... he ente... hez... zZzZzZzZ | | | '-,-----------------------------------' | | ___ _/ | | | | .´ __) | |_________________________________________| | ( /_ _(\ |_____________________________________________| ( _| > )) ( ( (---'-. (_ `)\-`` ) `/-/ ) \ ----(__.´--------------. \ \ \\_______________________\ |,------------------------' gnv >WHY TEACHERS DRINK The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. S%& can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominalcavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (JuliusSeizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight AND THE BEST IS LAST::: Q. What is a turbine? A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. Our society is doomed! --- ...LOL! Not easy being a teacher! High-Five to the best of them! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Cloie :) .-~*~--,. .-. .-~-. ./OOOOOOOOO\.'OOO`9~~-. .`OOOOOO.OOM.OLSONOOOOO@@OOOOOO\ /OOOO@@@OO@@@OO@@@OOO@@@@@@@@OOOO`. |OO@@@WWWW@@@@OOWWW@WWWW@@@@@@@OOOO). .-'OO@@@@WW@@@W@WWWWWWWWOOWW@@@@@OOOOOO} /OOO@@O@@@@W@@@@@OOWWWWWOOWOO@@@OOO@@@OO| lOOO@@@OO@@@WWWWWWW\OWWWO\WWWOOOOOO@@@O.' \OOO@@@OOO@@@@@@OOW\ \WWWW@@@@@@@O'. `,OO@@@OOOOOOOOOOWW\ \WWWW@@@@@@OOO) \,O@@@@@OOOOOOWWWWW\ \WW@@@@@OOOO.' `~c~8~@@@@WWW@@W\ \WOO|\UO-~' (OWWWWWW@/\W\ ___\WO) `~-~'' \ \WW=*' __\ \ \ \ \ __\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\ \ \ >Weather Forecaster Once upon a time there was a King who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the King went fishing with his wife, the Queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the King the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area." The King was polite and considerate, he replied, "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way." So he continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entoura ge chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. Furious, the King returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain." So the King hired the donkey. And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions. And the practice is unbroken to this date... --- ...LOL! Oh my! Thanks Cloie! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Judge Jeanine: Mueller's war on Trump was put on display https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0IZJPtoX8E As Trump Visits State Department, Pompeo Says North Korea Must Denuclearize - Reuters https://tinyurl.com/ya4ggbhp Targeting China’s Tools of Aggression - The Washington Post https://tinyurl.com/y7rsec47 Reuters Poll: Black Male Approval for Trump Doubles in One Week - The Daily Caller https://tinyurl.com/y9ke8s5f Trump Praises “Outstanding” Teacher at National Teacher of the Year Presentation - CBS News https://tinyurl.com/y72ls9p7 President Trump Has Been a Champion for Religious Freedom "Faith breathes life and hope into our world. We must diligently guard, preserve, and cherish this unalienable right." - President Donald J. Trump https://tinyurl.com/y944xk6o Trump signs order to protect religious freedom, establishes new White House faith initiative - "Prayer has always been at the center of the American life. America is a nation of believers, and together we are strengthened by the power of prayer," said Mr. Trump at the Rose Garden ceremony. https://tinyurl.com/yd3punar In the Washington Examiner, Paul Bedard writes that “top White House advisor Jared Kushner this week helped to tighten evangelical community ties to President Trump, this time over sentencing and prison reform.” Bedard reports that evangelicals have said that the “White House has kept the door open to them.” https://tinyurl.com/y8ss3jcy WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A man who tried to commit suicide is now suing the people who saved his life. 23-year-old Mateusz Fijalkowski came to the United States from Poland on an international summer job program and he was hired as an assistant at a swimming pool in Fairfax, Virginia. Three days after he started, Fijalkowski reportedly suffered a bipolar episode for the first time. Police were called to the swimming pool when Fijalkowski, who hardly spoke English, was acting strange and tried to drown himself. Video of the incident shows that when the 8 officers arrived, Fijalkowski was out of the pool, but he refused to cooperate. He then walked back into the pool and went underwater. Officers did not allow the lifeguard to enter the water as they were afraid that Fijalkowski was going to pull him underwater as well. Fijalkowski said that he stayed in the water for 2 minutes before police finally allowed the lifeguard to enter and pull him out. By that time, he was blue and officers performed CPR on him. He was then taken to a hospital. Fijalkowski field a lawsuit against the police and the life- guard for not taking him out of the water earlier. He is seeking more than $100,000 for medical bills. Officials maintain that the police officers acted appropriately to save the suicidal man and to protect the lifeguard and themselves from this disturbed person. "The police allowed me to sink before their eyes. I'm glad that in the end, they realized that they should not let me drown, but I do not thank them for letting me die, clinically, before their eyes," Fijalkowski said. Fairfax County Police chief Edwin Roessler was surprised with the lawsuit and said: "They saved his life, he did not die. You are going to sue someone for saving your life?" -<>- A car can be a very sensual thing. Especially to a man. It's not an accident that new model sports and luxury cars are frequently displayed with a gorgeous woman draped over them. But one Kansas man found the temptation of all that chrome and rubber just too great. Police in Newton, Kansas took a 24-year-old man to the emergency room May 1 after he was found attempting to make love with a car. "We were called to the 1200 block of East Broadway to a report of a naked male underneath a car," said Lt. Scott Powell of the Newton Police Department. "He was attempting to stick his manhood into the tailpipe of the vehicle." [How many of us have been there!] According to Powell, the suspect did not respond to officer commands and officers used a taser to subdue him. "He was high on some sort of drug," Powell said. "Officers were there, and he continued to try and with the tailpipe of the car. He would not listen to commands or anything." The man, who will likely be charged with a misdemeanor of lewd and lascivious behavior, was intoxicated to the point he was nearly incoherent. "He was so impaired we could not take him to jail," Powell said. He was taken to the emergency room as the result of "his odd behavior," due to a .35 blood alcohol level and possible drug use. Officers also observed what appeared to be a head injury previous to interaction with officers. And before anyone asks, I tried several sources and I could not identify the make and model of the vehicle. Personally, I'd do a Cadillac. Maybe an Escalade. But the Navigators are nice, too. *---------- Mystery Pooper Identified ----------* It figures. Police in New Jersey said a "mystery pooper" responsible for repeatedly leaving human feces on a high school's field was identified -- as a nearby school super- intendent. The Holmdel Township Police Department said Holmdel High School staff were finding fresh piles of poop on a daily basis in the area surrounding the facility's football and track fields. The school resource officer and school staff monitored the area and identified the "mystery pooper" as Thomas Tramaglini, 42, of Matawan. Tramaglini is the superintendent of the Kenilworth School District, which does not include Holmdel High School, officials said. "We learned of municipal court charges facing our current super- intendent of schools in Holmdel, N.J.," the board said in a statement. "Given the nature of those charges, he asked for and was granted a paid leave of absence." Tramaglini faces charges of defecating in public, lewdness and littering, police said. Of course, I bet anybody who has had to work extensively with kids can sympathize with this guy, even if only a little bit. *---------- Clown S&% Never Goes Well ----------* A woman in the United Kingdom was jailed for stabbing a teenage boy while making love with him. Zoe Adams, 19, a mother of one child, met 17-year-old Kieran Bewick for love. The two had been in an on again off again relationship when Bewick told Adams that he was afraid of clowns. One day, while meeting for love, Adams dressed as a clown. Adams put a pillow over his head and whispered to Bewick to trust her before stabbing him five times in the chest, arm, and thigh with a 10-inch knife. He suffered injuries including a collapsed lung. Bewick was rushed to a hospital, where he was treated and later released when he recovered. Police took the woman's phone as part of the investigation. The court heard that she had images stored on the device, which included a bloody woman with the caption "murder is like a bag of chips: you can not stop after just one." Bewick told the court that he was left traumatized by the incident. He has a hard time sleeping and he is now more terrified of clowns than ever before. The judge sentenced Adams to 11 and a half years in prison. *------ Gay Singing Fish Assaults are Up ------* A man who became angry with his boyfriend grabbed a singing toy fish and used it to assault his partner, according to police in Florida. Police said that they have arrested 54- year-old Gregory Carney after being accused of using a Big Mouth Billy Bass to beat his boyfriend, Larry Timmerman. According to the police investigation, Carney and Timmerman lived together for 17 years. On Sunday, the couple had been arguing all day. At some point, Timmerman took the Big Mouth Billy Bass and threw it in a garbage can. When Carney asked where the singing toy fish was, Timmerman told him to look in the trash can. Carney then flew into a rage. He took the singing fish out of the trash and threw it at Timmerman. As a result, Timmerman suffered a laceration to the head. Carney has been charged with one count of battery domestic violence. *---------------- 16 Dead at 43 ----------------* A team of Australian scientists said they were "really miserable" to discover the world's oldest-known spider was killed by a wasp sting at the age of 43. Leanda Mason of Curtin University said the female trapdoor spider, known as Number 16, was 43 years old when it was killed by a wasp sting at its burrow in the wild. The previous record-holder for oldest spider was a 28-year-old Mexican tarantula documented by researchers. Female trapdoor spiders tend to remain in the areas around their burrows for their entire lives, allowing Number 16 to be studied in the wild. "To our knowledge this is the oldest spider ever recorded and her significant life has allowed us to further investigate the trapdoor spider's behavior and popular dynamics," Mason said in a Curtin University news release. Number 16 was born in 1974. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) /| |\ | | | | ( \./ ) ( \ / ) (.\ /.) \ : / \\*// \ / ) : ( ))*(( ) . ( / : \ ///|\\\ / v \ |__:__| ////|\\\\ /.......\ hmmm... Riitta Rasimus >Jokes You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered the suspect. "And what did you steal?" "One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!" "Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "The first three times my wife didn't like the color." -<>- My husband and I were invited to a party and each couple brought a dish. When it came time to serve dessert, the person who prepared it said the recipe was called "Better Than S&% Cake." After my husband tasted it, he blurted out, "I sure feel sorry for the person who named this dessert." -<>- Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package." -<>- Jane was to fly to Spain where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. Rosey told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at Rosey very carefully and asked, "Does she like you?" -<>- It was the Monday after a national holiday when I stopped at the drugstore to drop off film. The clerk asked if I wanted next-day or one-hour service. I told her next-day. "They'll be ready Friday," she said. "What?" I exclaimed, wondering if I'd heard wrong. Then she explained that there was a backup because of the holiday. I couldn't wait that long, so I told her I'd take the one- hour service. "Ok," she replied. "They'll be ready tomorrow." -<>- !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ Prayer In church I heard a lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share it with you: "Dear Lord, This has been a tough lately. You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze. My favorite musician Michael Jackson. My favorite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse. My favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor... ... And now my favorite singer Whitney Houston. I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid. Amen" --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ___....---....__ .-""___...----...___""-. .',`--...._______....--' .', / `"""----......----"""' \ : `-.._ .' .-'`\_/`. : | `./ -' \/_..- / `. __....;...__ .' `-.,"" | "",.-' `--...______...--' fsc >There Were Two Fish... There were two fish in a tank. One of them said to the other: "How do you drive this thing?" -<>- >The Worst Book Ever! A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her. "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked, "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde. The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book." -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What goes up when the rain comes down? A: An umbrella. Q: What do you call a surgeon with eight arms? A: A doctopus! (Or Dr. Octopus!) Q: What's the difference between the government and the Mafia? A: One of them is organized. Q: What's stranger than seeing a catfish? A: Seeing a goldfish bowl. -<>- ............. .... .... .. .. .. .. . ___ ___ . . / , \ / , \ . . \___/ \___/ . .. . .. . .. O . . | | . . \ / . . \ / . .. \______________/ .. .. \_____\ \ \/ .. .... | \ |.... ...... | | | Derek S. Tan \___/ >That's Irony For Ya! My two favorite things are irony and...I guess I forgot the other one. That's not important right now. What is important is this list of ultimate ironies. Today, I am Irony Man. I bet I could quit gambling. What if there were no hypothetical situations? It's not my fault I don't take responsibility for my actions. As I said before, I'll only say this once. This statement is false. Don't you hate rhetorical questions? I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW! Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference! The creation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. I can resist everything except temptation. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. Never believe generalizations. Avoid alliterations always. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. Thank God I'm an atheist. Just say NO to negativity. I hope you enjoyed the irony and if you didn't...isn't it ironic? -<>- >What Are These Numbers? The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny, what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" -<>- >Get Your Act Together A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,--. ,--. ( O ) ( O ) `--' \ `--' \ _ >-. / /| `-.__.' Krogg I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's jeans at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. "I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year." -<>- My sister didn't do as well on her driver's ed test as she'd hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence: "When the ___ is dead, the car won't start." She wrote: "Driver." -<>- A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows): A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. -<>- A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer. After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man, "We need individuals who are totally responsible." The young man grinned and responded: "Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I've worked, when something went wrong, I was always responsible!" -<>- My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle. An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy is she r-u-d-e!" "Yeah," he replied, "but I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l." -<>- As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but if that dog hadn't honked..." ========================================================= >-->From ArcaMaxJokes: \\\\ c oo | .U __=__ ,,, |. __|___ oo ; ||_/ / / U= _ 0 \_/__/__E o /. .| | (___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~| I---||| |-----------------------| I ||| | c(__) | ^ '--'' ^ ^ Petrus >Hospital Fun Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.” Peter said, “But I could be dead by then!” Receptionist replied, “No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment. “ -<>- >Vampire Attack Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.” -<>- >Deep Thoughts - Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? - Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? - Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale? - Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? - Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? - How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures? - Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath? - Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear? - When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?' - Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? - Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed? -<>- /| _______________)|.. <'______________<(,_|) .((()))| )) << YEAAYAAAAEAAAARGH!! >> (======)| \ ((( "_"()|_ \ '()))(_)/_/ ' ) .--/_\ /( /./ /'._.--\ .-(_/ / / )\___:___) ( -.'.._ | / \ \_\ ( | ) '. /\)_(_)| '-| XX | %%%%%%%% / %%%%%%%\ ( /.-'%%%. \ /(.' %%\ :| / ,| % ) ) _|___) % (__|_ )___/ )___( |x/ mrf\ > |x) / '. |x\ _(____''.__ --\ -\-- --\__|-- >Male Translations for Women These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say... "IT'S A GUY THING" Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated: "I have no idea how it works." "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Translated: "Are you still talking?" "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday." "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt." "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "I CAN'T FIND IT." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?" "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again." "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ________.-._____ _____.----"--'-------------`-------._____ ,------.______________.----._'=========================================` ]======================<|# |_)------- `----._____________.----' `------.______________.----'[ ,--------/ `-' `-.---.-' _____/__/___ / ____| |-----' `---< /||__|---|________ // `------------._ _______ // \ ---- // |__________.-' >Top Ten Signs You're Obsessed With "Star Trek" 10. You're writing "Star Date 5946" on your checks 9. Family dog plus aluminum foil equals space dog 8. Built your own phaser out of a staple gun and 20 D batteries 7. Last Halloween, you dressed as "Star Trek" props designer, Irving A. Feinberg 6. You spend a lot of lonely nights "wrestling the Gorn" 5. During your Power Point presentation for company's 2nd quarter review, the word "Romulans" came up more than one would normally expect 4. Always telling barber, "Give me the Spock" 3. You're already camped out for the 2011 "Star Trek" sequel 2. When the Stock Market goes down, you'll suddenly yell, "KHAAAAAN!" 1. Got suspended at work for trying to mind-meld with an intern ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) World's Largest Monastic Library! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/library.html World's Largest Statues! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/largeststatues.html World's Best Cinemas! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/cinemas.html Animal Mom's 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms2.html Give Me Flowers! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/flowers.html For All Mothers And Fathers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mum.html Miracle Baby! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smellofrain.html Bikes From The Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pastbikes.html Junk Car Parts Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/junkcarart.html Veggie Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggie.html Amazing Bike Car! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bikecar.html Animal Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html Balloon Party! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/party.html Giraffe Manor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giraffemanor.html Mom And Dads INDEX http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/momsanddadsindex.html -<>- >Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/ydxyzqbu Some of Shangrala's Best Pages http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html -<>- The Hunger Site - Free click to give - use the Greater Good banner for more items to 'free click to give to': https://tinyurl.com/y8qwjas8 7 Backstage Photos That'll Fill Your Heart With Insane Joy From Cracked.com: These are troubling times, and it often feels as if our hearts are filled with the thin gruel of misery, the corrosive bile of hate, or even the tepid milk of acceptance. But recall an earlier era, a time when other things could fill our hearts. What if ... what if we learned to feel joy again? That's a big ask for this set of amusing behind-the-scenes pictures from famous movies, but dammit, they're sure going to try. https://tinyurl.com/y859fl45 DRINK-O-METER Have you ever wondered just how much alcohol you have consumed in your lifetime? Or how much you have spent on those drunken nights? Take this test to find out the state of your kidneys, wallet and quantity of alcohol that has invaded your system over the years. http://www.iondesign.net/drinkometer/ THE FOUR WORD FILM REVIEW The fwfr is a film review site like no other- an ever expanding collection of extremely brief film reviews and summaries. Submissions are welcomed from anyone- the main condition being no more than four words may be used. Good reviews, no nonsense. http://www.fwfr.com/ PAPER PLATE EDUCATION Is there anything that can't be explained with a paper plate? If there is, maybe you don't want to know it. Paper Plate Education reduces complex notions into simple hands-on activities using paper plates to teach science, math, history, geography, and more. Some activities include designing a plate for practicing addition and multiplication tables, making a rotating window that segues from day to night drawings, and creating a functional, portable sundial. http://analyzer.depaul.edu/paperplate/ Ozzy and Eeyore The Not So Great Escape https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=0QSd6v8jGA4 Rescuers Spot Dog In Freezing Cold, Then See He’s Keeping Someone Else Warm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMisY9tVrAg Stray Cat’s Quick Thinking Saves Abandoned Baby Left In A Box In The Freezing Cold https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4r6ueSJ_OY Baby crawls over to husky to say ‘hi’ – then dad catches the dog’s beautiful reaction on video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QU6rFdmNhvM -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) She sent us one we have here... Notice That Last Line! Wards 1934 Wish Book http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wishbook.html --- ...Amazing! Chicks by mail? Thanks KarenF! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann : Unbelievable Auto Collection! http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=WbN_BAn55a4 --- ...Awesome! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) David Sousa performs his award-winning act 'The Red Envelope' for the French TV show The World's Greatest Cabaret. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkLN0lEwBpY --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- Revisiting... >From our Friend Linda :) This is truly an incredible video. I can't believe this Osprey got several fish at a time, then got a flounder under 3' of water, and then made off with what looks to be a 5+ lb. steelhead. I've never seen a bird shake water off like a dog does - wouldn't want to get in the way of him when he's got his eyes locked and his talons in the "load" position! Its talons are amazing! There are 3 sequences in this one video: 1st sequence he catches perhaps half a dozen fish in one strike. 2nd sequence he plunges talons into deep water right to the bottom to grab his prey. 3rd sequence he captures a big old fish that looks as if it weighs more than he does! This is incredible to watch! http://www.youtube.com/embed/nA3LtXnNIto?feature=player_embedded --- ...Left me flabbergasted! So Awesome to watch! Love It! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) Watch the Giraffes Need FULL SCREEN and VOLUME UP. http://touch.dailymotion.com/video/xxyuig --- ...WoW! Mesmerizing! Thanks Johanna! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "One of the world's top Donkey Kong players has been stripped of his records for cheating. He was going to be sentenced to life, but turns out he doesn't have one." -Conan O'Brien "Today Americans celebrated national Take Our Sons and Daughters to Work Day. Tomorrow kids will celebrate New Appreciation for Going to School Day." -Jimmy Fallon "After being bitten by a shark last week, a Colorado man achieved a rare distinction of being attacked by a shark, bear, and rattlesnake all within the last four years. Or as it was reported to the man, you're not allowed back at the zoo." -Seth Meyers "At this weekend's London marathon, a man proposed to his girlfriend while dressed as a T. rex, which backfired when his arms were too short to open the ring box." -Jimmy Fallon "I read that hoarding is getting worse in the U.S. and affects over 15 million Americans. Of course it might be higher now, 'cuz I read that in a newspaper I've been saving since 2003." -Jimmy Fallon "A California man who police say was drunk and hungry broke into a Taco Bell this weekend in the middle of the night and ate taco ingredients. It's one of those rare offenses where the punishment is the crime." -Seth Meyers "7-Eleven has announced they are going to be offering healthier options for their customers. The CEO said, 'We want our customers to live to be as old as one of our hot dogs.'" -Conan O'Brien "A new exhibit shows eight of the alternate endings Ernest Hemingway considered using for his classic novel 'A Farewell to Arms.' In my opinion the worst is the one that ends with 'see ya later, arms!'" -Conan O'Brien "Apparently, the library at the University of Utah has installed what they're calling a 'Cry Closet.' This is exactly what it sounds like. It's a closet where stressed- out students can go to cry. Because there's nothing more comforting than being trapped in a tiny dark box." -James Corden "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." --Samuel Goldwyn, Goldwyn's Law of Contracts "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." --Henny Youngman "After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager'." --William S. Burroughs "Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted." - Hesketh Pearson "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak." - Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************