Monday Morning And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >Health Alert: WARNING - FDA issues "stop using" alert! I'm sending this Alert out because it is for medicine you may Already Have for your baby, child or grand children. PLEASE Pass This On And Alert Your Friends And Loved Ones Too! FDA issues "stop using" alert on certain over the counter Tylenol, Motrin, Zyrtec, and Benadryl products McNeil Consumer Healthcare is initiating this voluntary recall because some of these products may not meet required quality standards. This recall is not being undertaken on the basis of adverse medical events. However, as a precautionary measure, Parents and Caregivers should NOT Administer these products to their children. Some of the products included in the recall may contain a higher concentration of active ingredient than is specified; others may contain inactive ingredients that may not meet internal testing requirements; and others may contain tiny particles. While the potential for serious medical events is remote, the company advises consumers who have purchased these recalled products to discontinue use. Details and FDA what to do... http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=503&z=43 THE EMERGENCY EMAIL & WIRELESS NETWORK http://www.EmergencyEmail.org -<>- >3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press ... This first hottie totty is from a forward from our friend Viv. It was astonding! It amazed me so I just had to do it up so every one could check it out too! ._-'-_ . . ' /_-_-_\ ` . .' |-_-_-_-| `. ejm ( `.-_-_-.' ) !`. .'! ! ` . . ' ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! / / \ \ _-| \___ ___/ /-_ (_ )__\_)\(_/__( _) ))))\X\ (((( \/ \/ Underwater River In Mexico http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/underriver.html -<>- This next one is from our friend Sandi. I've seen this one before and finally decided to check it out. It is a mind boggling one! Just shows ya the power of God! /^L_ ,."\ /~\ __ /~ \ ./ \ / _\ _/ \ /T~\|~\_\ / \_ /~| _^ / \ /W \ / V^\/X /~ T . \/ \ ,v-./ ,'`-. /~ ^ H , . \/ ; . \ `. \-' / M ~ | . ; / , _ : . ~\_,-' / ~ . \ / : ' \ ,/` I o. ^ oP '98b - _ 9.` `\9b. 8oO888. oO888P d888b9bo. .8o 888o. 8bo. o 988o. 88888888888888888888888888bo.98888888bo. 98888bo. .d888P 88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 88888888888888P" "" " """9888P" P" "8P" ""*9888888888 Veer Kothari + Ojosh!ro Miracle In Utah http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/utah.html --- ...Two Super awesome ones! Thanks Ladies!! -<>- This last one is from our friend and my brother Del. He sent us a great history lesson forward! I Am Not A History Buff - Not Even Close, But I couldn't resist - Especially because of this... Sen. Obama, who has taught courses in constitutional law at the University of Chicago, has regularly referred to himself as "a constitutional law professor," most famously at a March 30, 2007, fundraiser when he said, "I was a constitutional law professor, which means unlike the current president I actually respect the Constitution." Above and more from FactCheck here: http://tinyurl.com/ysj582 Does he really respect the constitution? Check this out here... Who Is WE? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html --- ...Thanks Del! A great one! -<>- >What a Tremendous Month Of Caring And Sharing We had Last Month! * Please Visit These And Pass Them On To Your Loved Ones! Playing With Words! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wordplay.html Life's Little Oops 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops4.html Proud Of Our Troops 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html Awesome Bikes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html From Russia With Love! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrop.html Keukenhof Gardens! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kgardens.html A Mother Horse's Love! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/motherslove2.html Cristales River! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cristales.html All Occasion Cakes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes.html Birth Of An Island! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/island.html Iceland's Volcano! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/volcano.html Poltical Humor 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics5.html Building Ad Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html Up Close And Personal! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/personal.html *~* A Heartfelt 'THANK YOU' To ALL Our AWESOME CONTRIBUTORS! I applaud You! You Enrich Our Lives With Your Thoughtfulness! ================================================================ >-->From the FunnyBone: The Two Gas Men (IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII) )'.'.'.':;:;:'.'.'.'( Two gas company servicemen, a senior ('.'.'.;' | `:.'.'.') training supervisor and a young trainee, )'.'.';' | `:'.'.'( were out checking meters in a suburban ('.'.;' | `:.'.') neighborhood. They parked their truck )'.';'____|____`:'.'( at the end of the alley and worked (==@' | `@==) their way to the other end. )'.: @() :.'( ('.'. ()@() .'.') At the last house a woman looking out )'.'. ()@()@) .'.'( her kitchen window watched the two men ('.'. _\|/_ .'.') as they checked her gas meter. )'.'. |-----| .'.'( ('.'.___\___/___.'.') Finishing the meter check, the jgs )'.'============='.'( senior supervisor challenged his ('.' '.') younger coworker to a foot race ~ ~ down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. _ _|=|__________ As they came running up to the / \ truck, they realized the lady from / \ that last house was huffing and /__________________\ puffing right behind them. They || || /--\ || || stopped and asked her what was ||[]|| | .| ||[]|| wrong. ()||__||_|__|_||__||() ( )|-|-|-|====|-|-|-|( ) Gasping for breath, she replied, jgs^^^^^^^^^^====^^^^^^^^^^^ "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!" ================================================================= +------------------- Bizarre Criminals --------------------+ In September 1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it was carrying potato chips instead. In 1998, a guard was caught smuggling a wad of money in his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny security-dye capsule exploded, blowing a hole in his trousers. In 1998, a would-be Texas grocery store robber went to the trouble of disguising his face with a balaclava but forgot to remove from his breast pocket a laminated badge which bore his name, place of employment and position within the company - an oversight spotted by at least a dozen witnesses. A 1975 raid on the Royal Bank of Scotland in Rothesay degenerated into farce when, on the way in, the three would-be raiders got stuck in the bank's revolving doors and had to be helped free by the staff. Undeterred, they returned a few minutes later and announced that it was a robbery. The staff thought it was a practical joke and refused to pay up. While one of the men vaulted the counter and twisted his ankle on landing, the other two made their escape, only to get trapped in the revolving doors again. =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) ..----..__ /_______/ ~~----~~/| /' /' /--- /'~~' /'/| /..----./__ /~~~~~/| || | .----._ ~~----~~|/' |/| | | | |~~----. |/| | | | | | | | |/' | | | |.----.| | | | /'/| | | | |~~----| |/' | | | | | | | | |/|/' | |.----.| | | | '/' |_..----..__~~----' |/' Ts97 ~~----~~' >Companies merging FAIRCHILD ELECTRONICS and HONEYWELL COMPUTERS. (The new company will be called Farewell Honeychild) POLYGRAM RECORDS, WARNER BROTHERS, and KEEBLER. (The new company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker) W.R. GRACE CO., FULLER BRUSH CO, MARY KAY COSMETICS, and HALE BUSINESS SYSTEMS. (The new company will be called Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace) 3M and GOODYEAR. (The new company will be called MMM Good) JOHN DEERE and ABITIBI-PRICE. (The new company will be called Deere Abi) HONEYWELL, IMASCO, and HOME OIL. (The new company will be called Honey Im Home) DENISON MINES, ALLIANCE, and METAL MINING. (The new company will be called Mine All Mine) KNOTT'S BERRY FARM and THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR WOMEN. (The new company will be called Knott NOW) ZIPPO MANUFACTURING, AUDI, DOFASCO, and DAKOTA MINING. (The new company will be Zip Audi Do-Da) MOTOROLA and ENRON. (The new company will be called Moron) Ripped from Gary Sessions. -<>- .=====================================================. || || || _ _--""--_ || || " --"" | | .--. | || || || " . _| | | | | | || || || _ | _--""--_| |----| |.- .-i |.-. || || || " --"" | | | | | | | | | || || " . _| | | | | | `-( | | () || || _ | _--""--_| | | || || " --"" `--' || || || rg / mfj `=====================================================` >How to interpret employment ads "Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you. "Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up. "Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day. "Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend. "Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around. "Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no quality control. "Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left. "Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on. "Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect. "Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it. -<>- >Aspirations At the beginning of my junior year of High School in Arkansas, our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form stating our future goals. Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see what my blonde friend put down for her aspirations. Where it read "Vocational Plans," she had written, "Florida." -<>- __________________AAAA_______________AAAA______________________ VVVV VVVV (__) (__) \ \ / / \ \ \\|||// / / > \ _ _ / < > \ / \ / \ / < > \\_o_o_// < > ( (_) ) < >| |< / |\___/| \ / (_____) \ / \ / o \ ) ___ ( / / \ \ ( / \ ) >< >< ///\ /\\\ ''' ''' Michel Boisset >Overdue books While working in the library at a university, I was often shocked by the excuses students would use to get out of paying their fees for overdue books. One evening a blonde student returned two books that were way overdue and threw a fit over the "outrageous" $2 fee that I asked her to pay. I tried to explain how much she owed for each day, but she insisted she should be exempt. "You don't understand," she blurted out. "I didn't even read them!" -<>- >Lost Weight Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 225." Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" --- ...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks Wesley! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >"Old Friendship" ~ Beautiful and Rich is an Old Friendship, Grateful to the touch as ancient Ivory, Smooth as an aged wine, yet sheer as that of fine Tapestry, It is like where Light has Lingered, Intimately and long. O`, fill of tears and warm, Is `Old Friendship, That ask no longer deeds of gallantry, Or any deed at all, Only that Friends we shall be, Always, Alive and breathing, Some where, Like a Beautiful Song. ~~Forever~My~Friends~~ John-Paul --- ...Very Nice! Thank You John-Paul! ======================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From Patriot Update: Top Headlines http://tinyurl.com/23lbpq8 >From Newsmax: Breaking from Newsmax.com Obama Administration Finds Foreign Links to NYC Bomb Attempt http://tinyurl.com/2bbkatd >From Conservative Outpost: Record numbers of conservatives "more enthusiastic" about voting http://tinyurl.com/252mnvb >From Taipan Daily: Could Continent-Wide Bank Runs Collapse the Eurozone? http://tinyurl.com/264v6pm >From CCA: Supporters of Religious Freedom Win One in Top Court http://www.cc.org/blog/supporters_religious_freedom_win_one_top_court -<>- >From BizarreNews: Here is why it is important to be very careful about who you leave your kids with. Unless, of course, you're look- ing to have them sold, and even then you could probably do better than this Louisiana woman. The details of how Donna Greenwell came to be in custody of the 5-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl is sketchy. Her attorney said the children's mother had requested that she take care of the kids (for whatever reason). What is clear is that Greenwell could not take care of them. But why give them to the state or up for adoption when you can sell them? What is the going rate for a preschool-age boy and girl you might ask? That would be $175 and a cockatoo. That's a bird for those of you with a dirty mind. Investigators said Greenwell called Paul J. Romero, 46, and Brandy Lynn Romero, 27, early last year after seeing a flyer they posted offering a cockatoo for sale, and offered to deliver the children for about $2,000. When the Romeros said they could not afford that, a deal was stuck for the bird, valued at $1,500, plus cash. Steve Sikich, Greenwell's attorney, said, "It was a really clumsy attempt at an adoption proceeding." A judge called it two criminal counts of a sale of a minor. Greenwell was sentenced to 15 months of hard labor on each of two counts. No word on who got custody of the cockatoo. -- Police: Man attacked for not holding door -------- BOSTON - Boston police said two women attacked a man with their fists, feet, purses and a plate of pasta because he neglected to hold an elevator door for them. Investigators said Kenyana McQuay, 27, and Waltia Funches, 28, told officers Mohammed Warsame "didn't hold the elevator door open as they walked into the building" so "they had to use their fists, their bags and their feet to teach him a lesson," the Boston Herald reported Monday. Police said Warsame was also covered in pasta from a plate of noodles the women dumped on him. He told police he tried to fend them off by throwing bottles of water. The police report described the suspects as "extremely agitated," "uncooperative" and "verbally abusive toward officers." McQuay and Funches were both issued summonses to appear in Roxbury District Court to face assault and battery charges. -- Driver drank beer while talking to police -------- BRADENTON, Fla. - Police in Florida said a 68-year-old man who refused a field sobriety test after being involved in a car crash drank a beer while talking to troopers. The Florida Highway Patrol said Elmer Daniels of Bradenton initially switched seats with his wife after a collision with another vehicle just prior to 8 p.m. Tuesday, but four adults in the other vehicle identified him as the driver, the Bradenton Herald reported. Daniels, who was drinking a beer while talking to troopers, admitted drink- ing beer in his van and had finished nearly two beers before the crash. A police report said Daniels told investigators he usually drinks a six-pack of beer each day. Daniels was arrested and charged with driving under the influence with property damage or injury. He was jailed in lieu of $16,500 bond. -- Couriers chase down stolen bicycle ------------ LOS ANGELES - Two bicycle couriers chased and caught up with a bicycle thief in a wild ride through the streets of Los Angeles, police said. The bike messengers were watching as a man stole the Iron Horse Desperado Mountain Bike outside a downtown gym where its owner was working out. By the time the owner, Jesus Tobar, came outside and noticed his $500 bike was gone, the two couriers were already chasing the thief, the Los Angeles Times reported. After a chase of about five blocks, one of the riders was able to grab the thief's shirt and pull him to ground. The thief escaped on foot but Los Angeles Police Department Commander Andrew Smith said he didn't get away unscathed. "We are now looking for a 30-year-old man with a torn shirt, a possibly sprained ankle, as well as road rash," Smith said. -- Man complains to cops about his hash buy -------- ESLOV, Sweden - Police in Sweden said a man walked into a local precinct to complain about the quality of hashish he had purchased from a dealer. Eslov police said the 26-year- old man told police he was a frequent user of marijuana and its derivatives, including hash, but the latest batch of hash he purchased sent him on a bad trip that made him feel like his TV was talking to him and his girlfriend was turning into a dolphin, The Local reported Monday. Police said it was unclear whether the man, who brought a small amount of the hash in for testing, will face possession charges. Possession of marijuana and its derivatives in small amounts is an offense usually punished with a small fine. ========================================================== >-->Monday Morning ..-----.. ___ .~ .--' O.-~~~\ (_) .~ | .-~ | .() .~ | | .-~__._ () .~~ .~~. \ .->#~~ < . O | .~ ~. `-~.~~ \H 8 \ ~-. | ~. ~. / XI H_|._> ~--' ~. ~. / H /----.___/\ ~. ~ | X H / II | ~. .' /~~% `. `. IX \_ < III .' | \|. | \ IIX `|\ IV / \ \| / _O..._ ~.. VII V ..~ .-~ . ()( /~.. VI ..~\ | ~ __(.) |___/~~--....--~~\___|nad \.--~# Copyright 2004 W. Bruce Cameron http://www.wbrucecameron.com *You ever have a Monday morning like this one?* When the alarm clock sounds you realize you were born too long ago to get out of bed. You listen to the radio, hoping to hear that the universe came to an end last night and work is canceled. Someone has set the gravity in your bedroom to "overload." You do not feel like singing in the shower. Or soaping. The weary face staring back at you in the mirror looks familiar: Bob Dole. You go to breakfast determined to eat a nutritious meal but find yourself wavering between cold pizza and chocolate cake. A note from your daughter contains a threat to sue you for back allowance. Your dog has chewed your dress shoes; you decide this doesn't really matter. The front door seems too far away to bother. You wonder if you can make your voice hoarse enough to call in sick. Your daughter shrieks that her parakeet has escaped again. This puts the cat in a festive mood. The newspaper apparently was delivered by a confetti service, and you need a rake to gather it up. A cursory examination of today's headlines reveals that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. The reason you get up this early is to beat the rush hour. It looks as though everyone else in your city had the same idea. You sit in a sea of red tail lights while the morning DJ advises you that every highway is gridlocked and you'll have to wait until they build a road to your location to be evacuated. He sounds pretty cheerful, up in that helicopter, and you regret your lack of surface-to-air missiles. Your car's heater appears to be drooling and it sounds like your engine is trying to escape. You gaze out the window, another victim of road apathy. All around you, people are phoning, faxing, and e-mailing, more productive in their vehicles than you are in your office. They're probably communicating with each other--hey, look at that bozo in that beat-up car, he doesn't even have a phone! Tomorrow you'll bring your wood chipper and grind up some tree limbs as you cruise past; that'll show 'em. You remember reading somewhere that the earth is pelted with over a thousand meteors a day. Once again, they've failed to hit your office building. Past or present employees of the month get to park in the covered lot. Everyone else in the company has won this award but you; the time you were the only person left on the ballot you were beaten by "undecided." The holes your dog left in your shoes allows the slush to wash in and bathe your toes. The security guard doesn't recognize you and insists on doing a cavity search. The coffee tastes like they've found another application for petroleum by-products. There are free bagels this morning, but the only flavors left are "carp" and "oak." Over the weekend they re-stacked the furniture to increase seating density. You now have a roommate in your cubicle. "Just call me crazy Lou," he introduces himself. He apologizes for the way he smells. He confides that he is surprised that they gave him a roommate after what he "did to the last one." Your newest project is to re-write the translation of a German technical manual. It needs to be done this afternoon. The translation was completed by a new software program that your IT department admits "has a few bugs." You start to work on the first sentence. "Your new Zlecko 90 has over two hundred potatoes which MUST be poured with sexual protuberances on the occasion of redressing the flimsy," it says. You ponder whether to tweak the wording or if this makes enough sense as it is. Lou is holding his fists to the side of his head and muttering, "Stop talking. Everyone stop TALKING." Your e-mail tool flashes and you open it. Your boss congratulates you on the anniversary of your employment with the company and would like you to stop by for a chat. He requests that you pack up your things in a box, first. Lou looks startled when you stand up, complaining that you are leaving "just when things were going to get fun." He sets his ice pick down with an air of disappointment. Your boss explains that under the recent corporate restructuring, you will be reporting to the third floor janitor. Your new job title is "Scum." It's about time you got promoted! The boss says that normally he would take you to lunch, but he can't stand to look at you. He offers you a carp bagel and asks that you eat it outside. You step outdoors with the smokers to eat the bagel, but they point to a sign that says, "no bottom-feeding fish within 500 yards of this building." By the time you've trudged the 500 yards, you're up against another building with the same sign. Soon you're in the next county, where you throw the bagel in a dumpster. A man living in the dumpster throws it back. Back at your office, you discover that you don't have your security card. You knock on the door, but the guard refuses to acknowledge your presence. After half an hour, you give up and get in your car to go home. Only four more days of this until the weekend! --write to the author at bruce@wbrucecammeron.com +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ For reprint permission, including web sites, please write me at Bruce@wbrucecameron.com This newsletter may be distributed freely via e-mail but you MUST include the following copyright information: The Cameron Column, A Free Internet Newsletter Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 2004 http://www.wbrucecameron.com =========================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. -- George Burns ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^- A minister was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly. __ .--.;_.'-. _., \__.' ;@ '. .'; `. ; __..-"'o ; ;' ; ;_/ ._.-' '. } : / `. _i/v\. ; i',; ( \_.' .(_) ; ' /{ \/ '. .r_.' .'\ ; .' .''-';_ ; ''-. ; / '.`. \ ; '. ; '. '._.; _ ; ; ; \.' '.__.-i ; fsc 'wWw' "wWw' "This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..." Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The minister breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I know the answer you're looking for is supposed to be 'Jesus' ... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me." ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^- A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find he was in the care of nuns in a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he would like to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you out?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters, nuns are married to God." The man replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law!" ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^- Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. -- Sophia Loren ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^- _-'-_ /_-_-_\ _______|-_-_-_-|________ ejm (________________________) ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What the heck is a golf gun?" "I'm not for certain, but it sure made a hole in Juan!" ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^- A Fairy Godmother told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a "wish". "I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the wife. The Fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hands. Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So.....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me". The wife was deeply disappointed, but a wish was a =wish. The Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and.....abracadabra!... Suddenly the husband was 90 years old. Men might be smart, but Fairies are Female! ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^- The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error. To her credit, Nancy finally said, "Look. I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right." "Fine." I said. She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm wrong." I grinned and replied, "You're right." ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^- ____ .-'& '-. / \ : o o ; ( (_ ) : ; \ __ / `-._____.-' /`"""`\ / , \ /|/\/\/\ _\ (_|/\/\/\\__) |_______| __)_ |_ (__ jgs (_____|_____) The following are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All waters tends to flow towards the moon. Because there is no water on the moon and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section" A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.. -<>- >The Patient A little Jewish woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, "Hello, darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I want to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected, or is getting worse. The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" She said, "Yes, darling! She's Sarah Finkel, in Room 302." He said, "Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr.Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock." The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh! That's fantastic, darling! That's wonderful news!" The man on the phone said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend?" She said, "I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, tells me nothing!" -<>- At the beginning of the school year, one seventh grader was reflecting on his chance at being the 8th grade valedictorian. He said his dad was valedictorian, his mom was valedictorian, and his sister was also valedictorian. He paused, leaned back in his chair and said, "Looks like the end of an era!" -<>- Another man and I share a locker at work. Noticing that it needed a new combination lock, my partner said he would pick one up on his way to work the next day. It occurred to me later that I might not see him in the morning. How would I find out the combination? I needn't have worried. When I arrived at work I found that he had used the locker before me and had left a note reading: "To find the first number subtract 142 from your high score the last time we went bowling. The second number is 16 less than that. To find the third number subtract 1.87 from the amount you owe me." -<>- o oo o o o ___o o o /`._;o o | / o ;_ | `-' jg >Choose your candy! Don't scroll down past the candy bars before you make your selection. Take this cute candy test to find out your true being. When you send this e-mail on, indicate the candy bar you chose in the "Subject" box above. Also, send it back to the person who sent it to you. If you were buying candy and you had your choice of the following, which one would you choose? Baby Ruth 3 Musketeers Butterfinger Snickers Hershey Bar Almond Joy Clark Bar Good 'n Plenty Energy Bar Chocolate Coated Raisins NO....you can't change your mind once you scroll down. So think carefully about what your choice will be........Don't peek....... OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you: Baby Ruth - You are sweet, loving and cuddly. You love all warm fuzzy items. A little nutty. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. 3 Musketeers - You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. Butterfinger - You are smooth and articulate, an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. Snickers - You are fun-loving, sassy and humorous. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in shaking your hand. Hershey Bar - You are romantic, warm and loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. Almond Joy - You are sexy, always ready to give and receive, very energetic and really like to get into life. The opposite sex is always attracted to you. Clark Bar - You like sports, whether baseball, football, basketball or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you still enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control, when you can find it. Good 'n Plenty - You are a very fun loving person who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person, except for your fake smile when you are talking bad about people. Energy Bar - Life is passing you by. Get a life! Go eat a plum or something. Chocolate Coated Raisins - You go to the bathroom often! Treat others the way you want to be treated! --- ___ ___ ___ ___ ___.---------------. .'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__,` . ____ ___ \ |\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ _:\ |:. \ \___ \ \\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\_`.__| `. \ \___ \ \\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __: \ \\'\__\'\__\'\__\ \__\'\_;-----------------` hh \\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ : | \|______________________;________________| ...Whew! I chose A Hershey Bar - good thing - I was tempted by those raisins! LOL! ============================================================= >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) >Please Visit These To Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Mario Star Catcher http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=41598&s=n Lightning Strikes Airplane http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=41990&s=n Wanna Be A Bear http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=3396&s=n Betty Boop Cartoons http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=35703&s=n Dog Eat Cat http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39820&s=n I Bought You A Redneck Mansion http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40951&s=n -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Remember Everything http://www.evernote.com/ Tough boat http://tinyurl.com/n2lkzf Women in art http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUDIoN-_Hxs Get Out http://tinyurl.com/ybgegkj Oil spill via St. Louis http://tinyurl.com/29ptv5r --- ...Thank You Wesley! We need to pray to God to help with this oil spill mess - give these people in charge wisdom to know what to do and do it quickly and efficiently to save as many as possible in the name of Jesus Christ. Sad, horrible mess! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: It Looked Like A Parking Space http://www.buffaloschips.com/gssjak.htm Kind So Flunky http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghsjskla.htm 7 Wonders Of The World http://www.buffaloschips.com/gfsgfagh.htm ABC Banner http://www.buffaloschips.com/012101.htm Adidas DM http://www.buffaloschips.com/012102.htm cat and women http://www.buffaloschips.com/jghkdfghjfkdlgdf.htm cat aerobic http://www.buffaloschips.com/kvbkfldgjfldgfd.htm cat alcoholic http://www.buffaloschips.com/fkjfkgjsdlkgdf.htm cat and mouse http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjkjghfkhjfgh.htm cat ate mouse http://www.buffaloschips.com/mbnkbjckvlbvc.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The Charlie Brown 'Peanuts' brand is going to be sold to Joe Boxer for $175 million. Because nothing's more macho than a pair of boxer shorts that says 'Peanuts' right across the front." - Jimmy Fallon "The top executive from Goldman Sachs testified before Congress today, which proves that crooks always return to the scene of the crime." - Jay Leno "Miami was voted the worst road rage city. You have 20-year- olds doing 95, and 95-year-olds doing 20, that's why." -Craig Ferguson "According to Blender magazine, the average person spends three years of their life in the bathroom. Do you know what's really pathetic? If it turned out those were the best years of your life." -Jay Leno "Colombian pop singer Shakira was in Phoenix to join the fight against Arizona's tough new immigration law. It reminds me a lot of the '80s, when the Beastie Boys came to Arizona to fight for our right to party." -Jimmy Kimmel "If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith." - Albert Einstein >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interrest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************