Montreal Or Toronto And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle newbie is from our friend Linda. I do so love visiting awesome exotic places especially when it is a via virtual vacation! Check out this mind blowing one here... World's Most Spectacular Places 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spectacularplaces2.html --- ...These are great! Thanks Linda! -<>- *~* Another Super Duper Caring And Sharing Month Last Month! Please Be Sure To Visit And Share These With Your Friends: Weird Old Vehicles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldvehicles.html Bucket List 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist2.html Sand Art 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart5.html Pumpkin Art 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pumpkin3.html Exotic Birds http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds.html Exotic Birds 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds2.html Snow Fun 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowfun2.html * Abundant Thanks And God's Blessings To All Our Contributors! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Sure I've Gotten Old... I've had 2 Bypass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license! ___________________________ / _______ \ || .sss. | F L O R I D A | ||SS"""S | | ||S a\aS | Xxxxx Xxxxxxx | ||S = / | 2892 XxxxxxXx | ||_/ -'__| XXXX, XXX 32708 | |htxx wtxx RR302042 | jgs \____________________________/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) English as a Second Language Original source unknown. Enjoy these gems from around the world: TOKYO SHOP: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. JAPANESE HOTEL: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, pleas control yourself. TOKYO CAR RENTAL SHOP: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. MAJORCAN SHOP: English well talking. Here speeching American. LEIPZIG (GERMANY) ELEVATOR: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. BELGRADE (YUGOSLAVIA) ELEVATOR: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. PARIS HOTEL ELEVATOR: Please leave your values at the front desk. ATHENS HOTEL: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between 9 and 1l. a.m.daily. YUGOSLAVIAN HOTEL: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. JAPANESE HOTEL: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. SWISS MENU: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. TOKYO HOTEL: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read not is. BUCHAREST HOTEL: The list is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. MOSCOW HOTEL: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. AUSTRIAN SKI LODGE: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. POLISH MENU: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 1 is Eat a Red Apple Day December 2 is National Fritters Day December 3 is National Roof over Your Head Day December 4 is Santas' List Day December 4 is Wear Brown Shoes Day December 5 is Bathtub Party Day December 6 is St. Nicholas Day and Mitten Tree Day 7 National Cotton Candy Day and Pearl Harbor Day ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) __ |_ hmmm, "press to detonate"! | | _ .' ...wonder if that's for real?? | D- o') |_| \.", | ||_ | .". | _|_| ----------------------------- /xlo >WARNING - Package Delivery Virus The bogus messages typically inform users about packages they have supposedly sent that could not be delivered due to incorrect recipient addresses and invite them to open and print out attached invoices in order to claim the undelivered packages. The messages include file attachments with names like 'ups_invoice.zip' that actually harbor malicious executable files ('ups_invoice.exe' or the like) and display as a Microsoft Word icon to make it appear like a harmless Word document and thereby lure recipients into clicking on it. A mass mailing of this type is bound to hit quite a few people who have shipped parcels in the recent past (especially around the holidays) and therefore might easily be lured into opening the virus-launching attachment, so UPS was quick to put up (and e-mail) a warning about the malicious messages: Attention Virus Warning Service Update We have become aware there is a fraudulent email being sent that says it is coming from UPS and leads the reader to believe that a UPS shipment could not be delivered. The reader is advised to open an attachment reportedly containing a waybill for the shipment to be picked up. This email attachment contains a virus. We recommend that you do not open the attachment, but delete the email immediately. UPS may send official notification messages on occasion, but they rarely include attachments. If you receive a notification message that includes an attachment and are in doubt about its authenticity, please contact customerservice@ups.com. Please note that UPS takes its customer relationships very seriously, but cannot take responsibility for the unauthorized actions of third parties. Thank you for your attention. UPS and FedEx put warnings on their site as well Read more at http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/ups.asp#rXUGPKYtELxj3X9w.99 Snopes confirms that it is real. http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/ups.asp --- ...Thanks for the heads up Geniann! ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: , , \y ,--.y/ /,---. )\ / (((\\)\ \ \ \\-_/ / / \ i i / (_)=(_) ) . ( /\---/\ / )-( \ / / \ \ / ," ". \ / / \ \ hjw /-) (-\ / ^! !^ \ >Aunt Flora My diminutive Aunt Flora, just four feet, nine inches tall, accepted an offer to visit a health club for a free session. After being greeted heartily, she was shown where she could change and told an instructor would soon be with her. Having changed her clothes, Aunt Flora went back to the exercise area. Along one wall she noticed a silver bar that was not in use, and decided to try her hand at chin-ups while she waited. She jumped up, barely reaching the bar, and managed to strain through two chin-ups before the instructor came to her side. Smiling politely, the instructor said, "If you want to let go of the coat rack and follow me, I'll be glad to help you get started." -<>- >Churchill Downs Vacationing in Kentucky, a friend and I spent the night at a small motel outside of Louisville. In the morning, I asked the woman at the desk for directions to Churchill Downs. Not able to tell us, she called her husband from the back room. "Churchill Downs?" he asked. "That's the race-track, isn't it?" We nodded. He hesitated and then said, "I'm pretty sure it's somewhere south of the university. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be much help." At that point his wife left the room. The husband looked over his shoulder to make sure she had disappeared. Then he winked at us, leaned over the counter and whispered, "Take Third Street through town, go past the university and turn right on Central Avenue. After that, just look for the twin spires. You can't miss it!" -<>- >Flock of Geese On a crisp fall afternoon, a four-year-old boy was helping his father rake leaves in the front yard of their farmhouse. The father glanced up just in time to see a flock of geese flying over and pointed out how they flew in a formation shaped like a V. The boy patiently watched them as they disappeared over the horizon and then turning, asked, "Do they know any other letters?" -<>- >Montreal or Toronto? I couldn't decide whether to go to Montreal or Toronto for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Airfare to Toronto is $300, the cheery salesperson replied. "And what about Montreal?" "We have a really great rate to Montreal, $99," she said. "But there is a stopover." "Where?" "In Toronto," she said. -<>- >Out of Gas In my early driving days, I had the bad habit of running out of gas frequently. Once, I was stranded at the mall and called my father for help. When he arrived, I was under the hood, poking around. "I think there's something preventing the gas from reaching the carburetor," I said. "Yeah," he shot back. "A twenty-dollar bill." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) \ \ \\ \\ >\/7 _.-(6' \ (=___._/` \ ) \ | / / | / > / j < _\ _.-' : ``. \ r=._\ `. <`\\_ \ .`-. \ r-7 `-. ._ ' . `\ \`, `-.`7 7) ) \/ \| \' / `-._ || .' cjr \\ ( 10mar02 >\ > ,.-' >.' <.'_.'' <' >SMILES A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?" "Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby." -------- A guy is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught in the railroad tracks. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!" Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND cussing!" Still nothing and the train was just seconds away! He tried it one more time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, cussing, smoking and fornicating." Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way in the nick of time. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward heaven and said, "Thanks anyway, God. I got it myself." -------- Michael Johnson, the Olympic Gold Medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends. At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said "Sorry, mate, you can't come in here -- no jeans." Michael, quite annoyed at this, retorted, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Michael Johnson." "Well, then," the bouncer replied, "it won't take you long to run home and change, will it?" -------- A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, and a fifteen-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. -------- My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us. "I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?" "I'm not sure," replied my mother. "I get too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing." -------- Jack's mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his two-year old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl's grip and said comfortingly to Jack, "There, there. She didn't mean it. She doesn't know that hurts." She was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rushing back in, she asked, "What happened?" "She knows now," Jack replied. -------- A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" By this time, she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" -------- It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!" "Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet. "I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!" After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. "Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya." ------- Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her bedroom dresser drawers and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maid's outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him. -------- After Bob died, everyone gathered at his funeral. Then the minister started to speak: "He was a model husband, a decent man, a terrific father.." The widow then makes a motion for her son to come to her. "What is it mother?" he whispered. "Dear, go check the casket, I think we're at the wrong funeral..." -------- A man came home from work one day and found total mayhem. The three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud. Empty food boxes and wrappers were strewn across the yard. When he went inside, the mess was even worse. A lamp had been knocked over and the throw rug was wadded against the wall. In the front room, the tv was loudly blaring on a cartoon channel and the family room was strewn with toys and clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, cereal had been spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over more piles of clothes and toys to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill or that something serious had happened. He found her in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a book. She looked up at him and smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked "What happened here today?" She smiled and answered "You know how every day when you come home from work, you ask me what I do all day?" "Yes" he said, baffled. "Well," she said "today I didn't do it." ------- The camp counselor was helping the kids put their stuff away on the first day of summer camp. He was surprised to see one of the campers had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?" -------- The Amish farmer sees a stranger kneeling by his farm's pond, and shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Khe und die Schweine haben hineingeschissen!" Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and pigs have pooped in it!" The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!" The Amish Farmer shouts back in English: "Use two hands, you'll get more!" -------- Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?" -------- A daughter comes home from the Peace Corps in Uganda and surprises her mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoth ball soup. The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter. Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing." Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married." "Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that without telling me? What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?" "He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you." "What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law." The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod piece, an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very tall spear in an upright position. The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both cheeks and screams, "Dummy, Stupid, Idiot. .I said RICH doctor!" --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz >Sears Military Pay HOPE you have all seen the reports about how Sears is treating its reservist employees who are called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up. Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution. I suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves. Pass it on. Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/sears.asp#VTgaVvXzkPCYMTWl.99 --- ...Awesome! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From our Friend Nancy :) [Politics] UNPRECEDENTED: Obama Forces Insurance Industry to Withhold 2015 Prices Until After Election For the first time in modern history, the Obama administration has Forced insurance companies to withhold 2015 prices until after the election. So he can shield Democrats. In the past, new prices were announced 60 days before the first day of the year. Not this year. Full Read... http://tinyurl.com/qbeqlf9 --- ...Go Figure! Thanks Nancy! -<>- >From BizarreNews: You have to give this guy a few points for creativity, but subtract about 200 for smarts. To be fair, Jorge Navarro Jr. of Oak Lawn, IL (not too far from my own neighborhood) was in a sticky situation none of us want to be in. The 23-year-old was pulled over by police around 2:40 a.m. Sunday for a traffic stop. Maybe he couldn't afford the ticket, or maybe he was nervous about something else, like the open alcohol container he had in his vehicle, but for whatever reason he struck upon a daring but moronic plan. Right in the middle of the traffic stop, court records state that Navarro called 911 and said he heard eight gunshots and that a man had been shot and was lying on the ground a few blocks south of his location. "Several officers drove to the scene with their emergency lights on," according to court records. When questioned, Navarro said he had phoned in the fake shooting to get out of the traffic violations. Despite the distraction, Navarro received tickets for illegal transportation of an open alcohol container, speeding, no seat belt, driving without lights and improper lane usage, plus a felony charge for making the bogus 911 call. *-- Light-breaking squirrels play Grinch at zoo --* CINCINNATI (UPI) - Officials at the Cincinnati Zoo said a pack of Grinchy squirrels are countering their holiday cheer by taking down their festive lights. Chad Yelton of the Cincinnati Zoo said squirrels gnaw on the LED light strands workers put up for the holiday season and the animals seem intent on keeping the facility's Bear Hill from being bathed in festive illumination. "This is by far the number one spot for squirrels," Yelton said of Bear Hill. "We've had many a night where it's completely dark." Yelton said the zoo lost 300 strands of lights in one recent year, "and most of that was on Bear Hill." Officials said the squirrel problem has been going on for several years. Before the switch to LED lights, the squirrels would unscrew the incandescent bulbs, apparently mistaking them for nuts. Yelton said the zoo tried using hot sauce to deter the squirrels, but "they kind of laughed at it." "You know, it didn't really do much. I think we felt good about it, but it didn't do much," he said. Steve Foltz, director of horticulture at the zoo, said the yearly attempt to safeguard the holiday lights is "a challenge whose smarter, the squirrel or the horticulturists." Foltz admitted that for the moment, "the squirrels win." *-- Poo-powered bus takes to the streets in Britain --* BATH, England (UPI) - The sewage company behind Britain's first poo-powered Bio-Bus said the vehicle can run up to 186 miles on one tank of fuel from human and food waste. GENeco, a subsidiary of Wessex Water, said the fuel for the 40-seat Bio-Bus is produced at the Bristol sewage treatment works, where human waste and food unfit for consumption are put through a process to create biomethane. Mohammed Saddiq, general manager of GENeco, said the company is also producing biomethane for the country's natural gas network. "Through treating sewage and food that's unfit for human consumption we're able to produce enough biomethane to provide a significant supply of gas to the national gas network that's capable of powering almost 8,500 homes as well as fueling the Bio-Bus." It takes the annual waste from about five people to create one tank of biomethane for the bus, officials said. The Bath Bus Company is running the Bio-Bus on the 20-mile A4 route between Bath, England, and the airport in Bristol, England. *-- Siberian police consider deputizing reindeer --* SALEKHARD, Russia (UPI) -- Santa's crew may soon be presented with a job opportunity during the off-season. Officials in northwest Siberia said police could soon be deputizing reindeer to help chase down criminals in the region. Irina Pimkina of the Yamalo-Nenets region's Interior Ministry said police in the area, which is located in Russia's Arctic tundra, often find themselves at a disadvantage when chasing down local criminals, who often employ reindeer as getaway rides. "Of course we have snowmobiles in service, but one should understand that a machine is a machine," Pimkina told the Izvestia newspaper. "A snowmobile can break down or get stuck in the tundra, but the deer will run at all times." The deer would join the animal ranks of about 150 donkeys and mules employed by the Russian Defense Ministry to serve in mountain brigades. The legislation governing the animals also allows for reindeer to be used for law-enforcement purposes. Police in neighboring Finland have been using reindeer in recent years to patrol forests in Lapland. *-- China hospital puts men through pain of childbirth --* SHANDONG, China (UPI) - Brave fathers-to-be are getting shocking lessons at a pioneering Chinese hospital in what it feels like for women to give birth. A nurse in the free lesson at Hangzhou Aima maternity hospital in China's Shandong province sends an electric current to a pad placed above the abdomen. Over five minutes, the strength of the current is increased, causing men to "writhe in agony," according to witnesses. One man compared the pain to feeling as if his "heart and lungs were being ripped out." Organizers hope the experience will make men more sensitive to their partners while they labor. It's an unusual exercise in a nation where men often don't attend the birth of their children. Hospital administrators emphasis that there's no lasting damage to men, and also note that there's no real comparison between the "pain experience camp" and women's suffering during the much longer-lasting agony of childbirth. Some men couldn't hack it and bailed out mid-shock. "I thought giving birth to a baby was something natural, something really normal that women could get through," one nearly-dad told the BBC. "After this I realized it's not easy giving birth. It's just painful." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: (*) (*) (__) ^ ^ (__) (oo) | | | @(oo)@ [..] | = | [..]@@ \ | U (-) | | | | (-) U @@@@ || ==<_\=====/_|______=_____|=|____________=__|____\====/_>== || || ) |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ( || ||___)==||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||==(___|| |\====| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |====/| | \ | | | | / | = * = = = = * = candlelight dinner cfbd We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I'll have the 24." "Uh, Jim," I whispered, "that's the price, not the meal number." "Oh," he said. "In that case give me the 12." -<>- One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?" -<>- English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site: "He swept the rug under the carpet." "She's burning the midnight oil at both ends." "It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire." "It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard." "She's robbing Peter to pay the piper." "He's up a tree without a paddle." "Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water." "Keep your ear to the grindstone." "Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb." "Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter." -<>- Do you take the bible literally? If so, here are a few questions: 1. Do you really believe that Mary was the virgin mother of Jesus? 2. Is Jesus the Lamb of God? 3. Does this mean that Mary had a little lamb? -<>- Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody. Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it. So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place. -<>- I was preparing lunch for my granddaughter when the phone rang. "If you can answer one easy trivia question," a young man said, "you'll win ten free dance lessons!" Before I could tell him I was not interested he continued, "You'll be a lucky winner if you can tell me what Alexander Graham Bell invented." "I don't know," I replied dryly, trying to discourage him. "What are you holding in your hand right now?" he asked excitedly. "A bologna sandwich." "Congratulations!" he yelled. "And for having such a great sense of humor..." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ,---,_ , _> `'-. .--'/ .--'` ._ `/ <_ >,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-. .-' .'` `'. '. > / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\ / ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._> `> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ / `.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|` jgs \; \ ;/ \ .-, )-. / /` .'-'. `\ ;_.-`.___.'-.; "Trust in yourself and you are doomed to disappointment; trust in money and you may have it taken from you; but trust in God, and you are never to be confounded in time or eternity." ~- D.L. Moody "The reason why most people face the future with apprehension instead of anticipation is because they don't have it well designed." -- Jim Rohn -<>- >Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** ** *God gives and forgives. Man gets and forgets. ================ ** definition of BIGOT? Anyone who doesn't agree with a liberal. ================ ** My face in the mirror Isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty. The cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely And so does my lawn. I think I might never Put my glasses back on. ===================== ** "Pay attention. Don't just stagger through the day." Jim Rohn ===================== ** "Showing a profit means touching something and leaving it better than you found it." ===================== ** "Enterprise is the hope of our future." ===================== ** "Profits are better than wages. Wages make you a living; profits make you a fortune." ===================== ** "We all know a variety of ways to make a living. What's even more fascinating is figuring out ways to make a fortune." ===================== ** "Kids ought to have two bicycles, one to ride and one to rent." ===================== ** "Human beings have the remarkable ability to turn nothing into something. They can turn weeds into gardens and pennies into fortunes." -<>- >I Saved You A Stamp ** ,~~~~~~~~~~~~~,,~~~~~~~~~~~~~,,~~~~~~~~~~~~~,,~~~~~~~~~~~~~, : (\ _ /) :: __ :: /\/\ :: \` ,/\ : : ( \('(./ ) :: o _/ ( /{ :: /o.o \ :: \\o \~~ : : (_(..)_) :: . /o \/ | :: \_^__/\_ :: / ) \~~ : : /\/\ :: >| > _ ( :: | , \ :: ('_/\ \=_: : /))((\ :: \ / \ | :: (_(_,__ | :: | : : :: \( \{ :: (____/ :: \ : :Post-net V::Post-net V::Post-net V::Post-net V: `~~~~~~~~~~~~' `~~~~~~~~~~~~' `~~~~~~~~~~~~' `~~~~~~~~~~~~' A new UNC grad was sent to the post office to mail an important letter. A short time later the UNC grad returned with a suspicious smile on his face. His boss inquired if the letter had been sent & the new UNC grad replied, " I just fooled the people at the post office and saved the company money at the same time - when no one was looking, I dropped the envelope in the mail slot without buying a stamp." -<>- >What's That Racket? ** David, A UNC grad, hears that a fortune could be made by working as a lumberjack in Canada. So, off he goes. After some weeks, he arrives at a lumberjack-camp and asks the foreman for a job. "Okay sonny" says the foreman, "but you'll have to do a test first. If you can chop down 100 trees tomorrow you're hired" The next day David gets his chainsaw and happily saws away all day. When trees are counted David only has 90. "Oh well" says the foreman, "You'll get another chance tomorrow." Next day, same story, 95 trees. "I don't believe this" says the foreman, "A big strong fella like yourself should be able to cut down 200 trees in a day. You get one more chance, and I'll join you to show you the trick of it". Next day, David and the foreman go into the forest. On arrival at the previous day's clearing the foreman puts the chainsaw on the ground, and starts the engine. "For crying out loud!" exclaims David, who has had his back to the foreman. "How can you cut trees with all that racket?" -<>- >Convincing ** A friend and her young son, Reid, were browsing in a large bookstore. Engrossed in making a selection, my friend had lost sight of her child. "Reid!" she called out, racing through the aisles. "Reid!" Just as she spotted the boy, she bumped into another customer. "Pardon me, ma'am," he said, "but most folks come here because they already like to read. No sense in wasting your time trying to convince them." -<>- >Selecting a Jury ** The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O'Brian was called for his question session. "Property holder?" "Yes, I am, Your Honor." "Married or single?" "Married for twenty years, Your Honor." "Formed or expressed an opinion?" "Not in twenty years, Your Honor." -<>- ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >UNC COMPUTER TERMS ** ** BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods. ** BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down in the local tavern. ** BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick. ** BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro. ** CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps. ** CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in. ** TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker. ** DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers. ** INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair. ** KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere. ** MAC - Big Bubba Clinton's favorite fast food. ** MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall. ** MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live. ** NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line. ** ROM - Where the Pope lives. ** SCREEN - Helps keep the Skeeters off the porch. ** SUPERCONDUCTOR - AMTRAK's Employee of the Year. -<>- >This is great ! From Rancher Chuck ** _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ This week at our church we are holding our annual Pioneer VBS. It is for us Senior Citizens, and Pastor presented this version of "Jesus Loves Me" for us to sing. It is quite cute so all you "Seniors" read, sing and enjoy: Jesus loves me, this I know Though my hair is white as snow Though my sight is growing dim Still He bids me trust in him. (CHORUS) YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES. JESUS LOVES ME THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO. Though my steps are oh, so slow. With my hand in his I'll go On through life, let come what may He'll be there too lead the way (chorus) YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES. JESUS LOVES ME THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO. Though I am no longer young, I have much which he's begun Let me serve Christ with a smile. Go with other's the extra mile (chorus) YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES. JESUS LOVES ME THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO. When the nights are dark and long, In my heart he puts a song, Telling me in words so clear, "Have not fear, for I am near." (chorus) YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES. JESUS LOVES ME THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO. When my work on earth is done, And life's vic'tries have been won He will take me home above, Then I'll understand his love (chorus) YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES, JESUS LOVES ME YES. JESUS LOVES ME THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO. I love Jesus, does he know? Have I ever told Him so? Jesus loves to hear me say That I love him every day. Yes, I love Jesus, Yes, I love Jesus, Yes, I love Jesus I tell Him when I pray. -<>- |\ \`-. _.._| \ |_,' __`. \ (.\ _/.| _ | ,' __ \ | ,' __/||\ | (Y8P ,/|||||/ | `-'_---- / /`-._.-'/ `-.__.-' jg >Small Town Service's Required ** The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >To Inspire you ** ** Things God Won't Ask ** ** God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but will ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation. ** God won't ask the square footage of your house, but will ask how many people you welcomed into your home. ** God won't ask about the fancy clothes you had in your closet, but will ask how many of those clothes helped the needy ** God won't ask about your social status, but will ask what kind of class you displayed. ** God won't ask how many material possessions you had, but will ask if they dictated your life. ** God won't ask what your highest salary was, but will ask if you compromised your character to obtain that salary. ** God won't ask how much overtime you worked, but will ask if you worked overtime for your family and loved ones. ** God won't ask how many promotions you received, but will ask how you promoted others. ** God won't ask what your job title was, but will ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability. ** God won't ask what you did to help yourself, but will ask what you did to help others. ** God won't ask how many friends you had, but will ask how many people to whom you were a true friend. ** God won't ask what you did to protect your rights, but will ask what you did to protect the rights of others. ** God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, but will ask how you treated your neighbors. ** God won't ask about the color of your skin, but will ask about the content of your character. ** God won't ask how many times your deeds matched your words, but will ask how many times they didn't. ** When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out God is all you need ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) 100 Years Ago http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/yearsago.html Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogs.html Most Extreme House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehouse.html Ten Tips For Living! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tips.html Athlete Homes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html Sand Art 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html Pay It Forward! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html Lambo Aventador! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html 2012 Most Stunning Photos 1! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moststunning1.html 2012 Most Stunning Photos 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moststunning2.html We Three Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/threefriends.html All Occasion Cakes 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes2.html Remember Bumper Cars? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bcar.html Relics From The Past http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/relics.html Redneck Christmas Tree http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneck.html Santa Ho Ho Oh-No's http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/santa.html Christmas Around The World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasworld.html Christmas With Pets http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/christmaspets.html Angels, Churches, Crosses, Doves Animations http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Christmas Animations under XMAS: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) 8 Lies the Enemy Whispers during Worship http://tinyurl.com/nc62wde Awful Potatoes Recipe - Food.com http://www.food.com/recipe/awful-potatoes-11630 10 Effortless Ways to Eat More Vegetables Every Day http://tinyurl.com/l8cju66 Sweet Potato and Mozzarella Egg Skillet (vegetarian, gluten-free) http://tinyurl.com/qbg5nyk KGF Christmas Flash Mob! Go Tell It On The Mountains on Vimeo http://vimeo.com/33123050 --- ...Great Ones! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) The universe shown using the powers of 10 This video uses the power of 10 to show the size of the universe. Starting with the normal size of things on Earth it goes in two directions. It increases in each picture by the power of 10. A leaf is seen then it is seen from a meter away, then 10 meters away, then 100 meters away, etc. Each picture shows a view 10 times further away from Earth than the one before it. Eventually it goes out to millions of light years away. Going backward it shows the leaf at a power of -10, then -100, then -1000, etc. It goes down to atoms & then the sub-atomic universe down to the smallest known particle. http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceopticsu/powersof10/ --- ...Awesome! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Two music legends unite in this classic Christmas video! Their heartfelt duet will bring a tear to your eye. Watch this famous rendition of "The Little Drummer Boy" from Bing Crosby and David Bowie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiXjbI3kRus&feature=player_embedded --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Cab drivers are now illegally overcharging you for made-up charges. I was in a cab today and I was charged $11 for shipping and handling." -David Letterman "Last night a woman in New York gave birth to a healthy baby girl inside a Walmart. Obviously it's a little em- barrassing to give birth in a Walmart, which is why she plans on telling her daughter she was born in a Target." -Jimmy Fallon "Last week horse meat was discovered in IKEA's meat balls. Today it was discovered in IKEA's hot dogs. This is making me think twice about taking my family to dinner at a furniture store." -Conan O'Brien "New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has a new crusade. He wants people to stop listening to loud music in their head- phones. Wasn't that the plot of 'Footloose'?" -Jimmy Kimmel "The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text, 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to, 'Burger, please. Hungry.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien "These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets." -Craig Ferguson "A new study found that most people cant go 10 minutes with- out lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe." -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************