Moonwalk With MJ and More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This is one sent to us from our friend Jo Ann. I've been meaning to do up a page on it and when I looked at it again, I realized now was the perfect time for it. I combined it with some images sent to us from my daughter Tammy and dedicated it to the memory of Michael Jackson. Because Michael is a Christian, we shall see him again when Christ returns as Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Thank God! Now isn't that a blessing? .-'`/ .-'` _/ .-'` _/ .-' / .-' / .' ( .' ,,////) . __,-^/ . \()( : \ : _ \ : (____\ : ( ` )-.__) ` ) `. ( `. \ `-. \ `-. \_ `'-. \_ cjr `'-. \_ 17apr00 `'-.\ Moon Photography Art W/Michael Jackson Tribute http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonart.html --- ...Thank You Bunches Jo Ann! NOTE: I added to this one as a News AP came out saying there was a tribute in sand art to him. I thought it was appropriate and very nicely done. You may have to refresh your browser to view the additions. -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTradition: Hello and God bless you! We thought you would be blessed to know about our new online audio seminars. They are available online, free of charge. Death & Resurrection to Life In this multi-part seminar on the state of the dead, John Schoenheit systematically sets forth what the Scriptures teach: that the dead are dead, and not alive in any form until they are raised from the dead by Jesus Christ. Truth Matters We believe that there is such a thing as absolute truth. We also believe that the very concept of absolute truth is under attack. Truth Matters is a series of teachings, by Dan Gallagher, in which we will examine the existence of truth, seek to discover what truth is, and learn what it means to walk in the light of truth. On the Errors of The Trinity This 16 hour seminar, by Don Snedeker, is filled with fascinating quotes from many Christians through the centuries who recognized that the Trinity has no biblical basis, and who stood firm against opposition and persecution for not believing it. Don aptly shows how critical it is for Christians to truly understand who Jesus Christ really is and what is his relationship to God, not only so they can make a rational defense of our faith, but so they can experience a relationship with God similar to that which Jesus had. To listen to these seminars simply click or cut and paste this link into your address bar: www.TruthOrTradition.com/seminars You can right click the audio hyper links and select "Save Link As" to download them to your computer. Please know you are always in our prayers! The Home Office staff Spirit & Truth Fellowship International www.STFonline.org =============================================================== >--From The FunnyBone: A Spelling Lesson... /) // (/ If GH stands for P as in Hiccough _/ ______ If OUGH stands for O as in Dough ) ( (-----( If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis /INK\ \ \ If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour \___/ \ \ If TTE stands for T as in Gazette jgs _)_____) If EAU stands for O as in Plateau `------` The right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU If GH stands for F as in Rough If O stands for I as in Women If TION stands for SH as in Solution The right way to spell FISH should be GHOTION ============================================================== +-------------------- Bizarre Patrons ---------------------+ Apollonia - Patron Saint of toothaches. Fiacre - Patron Saint of venereal disease and taxi drivers. Gengulf - Patron Saint of unhappy marriages. Vitus - Patron Saint of comedians and mental illness. Matthew - Patron Saint of accountants. Bernardino of Siena - Patron Saint of advertising executives. Luke - Patron Saint of butchers. Marin de Porres - Patron Saint of hairdressers. Joseph of Arimathea - Patron Saint of grave diggers and funeral directors. Bernard of Clairvaux - Patron Saint of beekeepers. Sebastian - Patron Saint of neighborhood watch. ============================================================ >-->From ArcamaxJokes: _________ /' /| / / |_ / / //| /_________/ ////| | _ _ | 8o////| | /'// )_ | 8///| |/ // // ) | 8o///| / // // //,| / 8//| / // // /// | / 8//| / // // ///__|/ 8//| /.(_)// /// | 8///| (_)' `(_)//| | 8////|___________ (_) /_\ (_)'| | 8/////////////// (_) \"/ (_)'|_| 8///////////// (_)._.(_) d' Hb 8oooooooopb' `(_)' d' H`b d' `b`b d' H `b d' `b `b d' `b d' `b >Messing with the Mafia A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my darn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my darn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "Okay, okay, okay! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...buzz off.....that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." -<>- >Referee Debate As two NBA basketball referees walked through the countryside, they noticed some tracks. First said, 'Deer tracks?' Second said 'No, bear tracks.' However, the conversation ended abruptly when a train hit them. -<>- >Robo Teacher A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term. -<>- >Lawyer Named Strange A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. "That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!" -<>- >Birthday Burning Off Q: Why did the wife not put birthday candles on her husband's birthday cake? A: It was not that she did not want to make him feel old, she wanted to save the environment. -<>- . . :"-. .-"; |:`.`.__..__.'.';| || :-" "-; || :; :; / .==. .==. \ : _.--._ ; ; .--.' `--' `.--. : : __;` ':__ ; ; ' '-._:;_.-' ' : '. `--' .' ."-._ _.-". .' ""------"" `. /`- -'\ /`- -'\ :`- .' `. -'; ; / \ : : : ; ; ; ; : : ':_:.' '.;_;' :_ _; ; "-._ -" :`-. _.._ :_ () _; "--::__. `. \"- -"/`._ : .-"-. -"-. ""--..____.' / .__ __. \ : / , / "" \ . \ ; bug "-:___..--" "--..___;-" >Spelling Cat Teacher: How do you spell cat, Angela? Angela: C-A-I - Teacher: Stop right there. Cat doesn't have an I! Angela: So how does it see to catch a mouse? -<>- >My Grades A high-school student came home one night rather depressed. "What's the matter, Son?" asked his mother. "Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet." "What do you mean 'all wet?'" "You know," he replied, "...below C-level." =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Viv :) [Politics] Healthcare could be cheaper if we don't give old folks and the infirm the full measure of care they now get Did Obama Say We Should Kill the Old Folks to Save Money Last Night? http://www.canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/12312 -<>- Rachel Maddow says…”SHAME ON YOU MR PRESIDENT!!!” And…according to Homeland Security and Janet Napolitano….Ron Paul supporters (which would be me), Veterans, Bob Barr supporters and a few others are “potential terrorists”…which means THIS AFFECTS ME DIRECTLY. Thanks to PRESIDENT Obama I could be detained indefinitely for something I MIGHT do???? http://a4cgr.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/05-79/ --- ...sad! Thanks Viv! -<>- >From BizarreNews: [Politics] Greetings fellow Bizarros: I am in the neighborhood of 50-years-old (ahem), I have a 401k that I have been contributing to for 13 or 14 years, my wife has an IRA that she has been contributing to for about the same amount of time. We also have a savings account which provides us with a fund for if the engine in one of our cars blows up for an uninsured reason or if we need a few extra thousand for a vacation, etc. We are currently in our second house since getting married but thanks to an increase in property values we have about 35 percent equity in the house. We also started college savings accounts for each of our boys when they were born, which isn't going to cover four years at university but will give us a nice head start for each of them. To listen to it you'd think we were in pretty good shape, but apparently our toes are hanging over the edge of disaster. Until recently David Walker was comptroller general of the United States, meaning he was head auditor for the most important and powerful government in the world. In an in- terview last year Walker warned that there is a $43-trillion hole in America's public finances that's getting worse every day, and it is eventually going to lead to a financial collapse that will make my (and your) retirement plans dis- appear in a wave of recession, inflation and unemployment. It's becoming increasingly obvious that, within the next 10 years, the U.S. government will simply not be able to borrow money fast enough to keep up with its exploding expenses. The Economic Policy Institute recently projected that under the current tax regime, by 2014 all government revenue would be consumed by four areas of spending: health care for the elderly and the poor, Social Security for retirees, national defense and interest on the debt. Interest on the national debt would be about half of all gov- ernment tax revenues by 2031. And ten years later, the cost of servicing the debt will exceed all government revenues. History provides some harrowing examples of what happens when an economy collapses under the weight of unsustainable debt. One of the most chilling is Argentina in 2001. When the International Monetary Fund cut off its support for the country's escalating debt, the effect was catastrophic: the value of the national currency plunged, decimating the savings of millions. The resulting surge in inflation and sudden slowdown in consumer spending put thousands of businesses into bankruptcy within weeks. That, in turn, put further millions out of work and pushed one of South America's biggest economies into a punishing recession. As unfathomable as it may seem, most economists think some- thing like that could happen in the United States. Doesn't sound very cheery, does it? Imagine if the company you work for suddenly went bankrupt and the market was so bad that you couldn't find a job for more than half of what you were making (if you could find work at all). You decide to cash in all of your savings and retirement funds to make ends meet to discover that what used to be worth 30, 40 or maybe 50 thousand dollars is now worth about 15 or 20. How long do you think you would keep your house or even your car? It makes you want to start writing letters to congressmen, doesn't it? Bizarrely, Lewis --- ...Makes ya want to join a TEA PARTY!! http://www.teapartyday.com/ -<>- -- Polish woman wakes up in morgue -------------- WARSAW, Poland - An 84-year-old woman, declared dead by a doctor in central Poland, woke up in a morgue as morticians were preparing her for a funeral, doctors said. Police in the central Polish town of Zwolen opened an investigation, Polish Radio reported Monday. In the nearby village of Jablonowo Friday, the husband called an ambulance when his wife fainted and the emergency service doctor declared her dead and sent her to the morgue. When morticians saw the woman was moving, they called a doctor who diagnosed she was sick but alive. The woman was rushed to the Zwolen hospital where doctors said she was in a serious condition and placed her in an intensive care unit. ___ / ,_\ _____ / _)/ /o \ | \ /_ ` \__________ | \____ >__,_ \ | | ____, | \,___________ | \ | \ ( \ |__ \ \ \ \ _)_ __________\/ \ \____/ | ) \ | _________ , | | / | / | / | / | /_ | / %%%% %%%%% | ) | \ %%% ,, %%%%%%%% \ / | / (< ?%%%% | / | / ^ .' /_/ | (_ ___ /(___ | ) /\ ~ /_\ \ / _/\(\_)(_/)\ \_ | / /\_/ \ x / \_/\ ____ /_/_____ \_/ ) x \ \_/ |_____________| __// /==o==\ \\__ ) _________ (____/__/___( - \___\__\___________ || ||____ ____| __\ ________ _____ || || \// \ / \_ \// || || //\ \ / \ //\ || b'ger || \\/ \_/ \ \\/ || || /\\ \ / | /\\ || || \// / _ | \// || ||____//\________| |_____//\______ ||_________||______________/ |______________ )___________( /\_________\ |_____________| / | | \ \=/ \=/ .. . -- Human statue project includes 'poo' man ---------- LONDON - One of the "living statues" kicking off an art exhibit in London's Trafalgar Square is a man who made a costume meant to resemble feces. Oliver Parsons-Baker, 26, of Birmingham, England, said he designed a "poo costume" for his hour on the fourth plinth of Trafalgar Square as a means of highlighting the need for clean water, The Sun reported. Parsons-Barker is one of 2,400 people chosen to play "living statues" for one hour on the plinth as part of "One and Other," an art project designed by Antony Gormley. The project, in which each living statue is allotted one hour on the plinth, is scheduled to go on for 24 hours a day for 100 days beginning July 6. Other applicants chosen to occupy time on the plinth include a man who plans to wear a bicycle-powered light-up suit, an 83-year-old who will spend the hour waving a flag and a student using her hour to mark her birthday. -- City to employees: Wear underwear ------------- BROOKSVILLE, Fla. - The City Council of Brooksville, Fla., has approved a citywide dress code requiring city employees to wear underwear, deodorant and properly-fitted clothes. The dress and appearance policy, which also requires all tattoos and scars to be covered up during work hours, was approved 4-1, with only Mayor Joe Bernardini voting against the dress code due to concerns about interpretation and enforcement of the new rules, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported. "They said you had to wear undergarments," Bernardini said, "but who's going to be the judge of that? Sometimes when it comes to certain people going bra-less, it's obvious. But who's staring to see if that person doesn't have underwear on?" However, officials said the dress code is part of an overhaul of the city's policy toward its employees that was developed with help from city officials, attorneys and other sources. The officials said they want public employees to maintain the city's "public image." "The policy is there if something becomes an issue or problem," City Manager Jennene Norman-Vacha said. "Then we want to be able to address it. It's just good policy." -- Human statue project includes 'poo' man ---------- LONDON - One of the "living statues" kicking off an art exhibit in London's Trafalgar Square is a man who made a costume meant to resemble feces. Oliver Parsons-Baker, 26, of Birmingham, England, said he designed a "poo costume" for his hour on the fourth plinth of Trafalgar Square as a means of highlighting the need for clean water, The Sun reported. Parsons-Barker is one of 2,400 people chosen to play "living statues" for one hour on the plinth as part of "One and Other," an art project designed by Antony Gormley. The project, in which each living statue is allotted one hour on the plinth, is scheduled to go on for 24 hours a day for 100 days beginning July 6. Other applicants chosen to occupy time on the plinth include a man who plans to wear a bicycle-powered light-up suit, an 83-year-old who will spend the hour waving a flag and a student using her hour to mark her birthday. -- City to employees: Wear underwear ------------- BROOKSVILLE, Fla. - The City Council of Brooksville, Fla., has approved a citywide dress code requiring city employees to wear underwear, deodorant and properly-fitted clothes. The dress and appearance policy, which also requires all tattoos and scars to be covered up during work hours, was approved 4-1, with only Mayor Joe Bernardini voting against the dress code due to concerns about interpretation and enforcement of the new rules, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported. "They said you had to wear undergarments," Bernardini said, "but who's going to be the judge of that? Sometimes when it comes to certain people going bra-less, it's obvious. But who's staring to see if that person doesn't have underwear on?" However, officials said the dress code is part of an overhaul of the city's policy toward its employees that was developed with help from city officials, attorneys and other sources. The officials said they want public employees to maintain the city's "public image." "The policy is there if something becomes an issue or problem," City Manager Jennene Norman-Vacha said. "Then we want to be able to address it. It's just good policy." ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: Do I look that shady? I just got a GPS for my car, and my first trip with it was to a drugstore. Since the manual said not to leave it in the car unattended, I brought it with me into the store. While there, the GPS came alive, and a voice stated, "Lost satellite contact." I wasn't embarrassed until a woman turned to me and said, "Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you." -<>- .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?" The patient replies, "Give me the good news." Dr. Smith says, "You're about to have a disease named after you." -<>- As the owner of an old clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action. When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the pro- blem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said. -<>- A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man in a black ski mask come hurling headfirst through the window. "What on earth are you up to? What happened?!" he demanded. "I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of the brick." -<>- A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing. As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member, of the crew looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway. She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?" -<>- How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue. And then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where did the glue go? You know darned well where it went! That's what makes the cake stick to your butt! ============================================================ >-->FromTheMouthPiece: _ /X \ _------_ / \ | | | | | __ __) | / \/ \ /\/\ (o )o ) /c \__/ --. \_ _-------' SHORTS | / \ | | '\_______) | \_____) |_____ | |_____/\/\ / \ unknown >The Ransom Note A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What took ya so long? You're over two hours late." "Hey ! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie." I have a 27 handicap." -<>- >Satisfaction Guaranteed When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied." -<>- >Big John One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops. A few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. Did I mention that the driver was five three, thin, and basically meek? Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again, made a big show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed "AND WHY NOT?!?!" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass." -<>- ________________________ | | | | | __----__ __----__ | |/ * \ / * \| | | | | --|\ / \ /|-- / | --____-- --____-- | \ | (-| |-) | \ |. .| / --/ \-- / \ `--______________________--' \_|__|__|__|__|__|_|_/ `---__ __---' ) ( unknown >REASONS WHY SNAIL MAIL IS BETTER 1) SNAIL MAIL can be SHREDDED quickly. 2) The sender is forced to spend MONEY on the sending process. 3) Postal glue tastes pretty good. 4) SNAIL MAIL always calls me "Mr." 5) I only need to check my mailbox once a day. 6) Peeling OFF a self-adhering postage stamp is as sensuous an activity as accurately sticking one back ON. 7) Never having to skip over the ">>>>>" characters. 8) An aspirin will take care of most paper cuts. 9) There's no hyperlinks in SNAIL MAIL. 10) Never having to scroll past 23,000 addresses of folks who received the same boring message that begins with: "This really makes you MONEY!" 11) SNAIL MAIL makes great kindling. -<>- |^^^^^^^^| | | | | | | | _ _, .---------------. | (.).) | | | .-^--_ | EAT MY SHORTS ! | \ ' _____) | | | \ (__ /_-----------------' / -__/ / \ / / . | / / / | / \ / ' / \ / / / . / / / X / / / / |--| |____ \/\_/ |--| ----. / |\ \----' / /| | \ \ `_/_|_. `- unknown >NOBODY HAS A MONOPOLY ON FINE DINING By Melvin Durai I've eaten at hundreds of restaurants in my lifetime and am truly amazed that many of them manage to stay in business. I'm not suggesting that the restaurant owners are laundering drug money or something. Some of them aren't even smart enough to launder their own tablecloths. It definitely costs money to operate a fancy restaurant, but some owners don't even care to satisfy a customer's basic needs: pleasant music that won't burst your eardrums, clean restrooms that are bigger than a closet, decent food that doesn't include samples of the cook's hair. Some places call themselves "family" restaurants, because you can't go there without meeting at least one family -- or sometimes several different families -- of flies. Others promote themselves as "fine dining," because when the health inspector visits, he always gives them a fine. I know what you're thinking: "You get what you pay for." Well, that's not always true. Sometimes you get more than you pay for. For example, a few years ago, my friends and I went to a pizza place in Orlando, Fla., and were entertained, free of charge, by a large flying cockroach. And believe it or not, the pizza place didn't even call itself "fine dining." Even worse, at some restaurants, service is almost nonexistent. If you want someone to bring water to your table, you'd better set your napkin on fire. But be careful: Some restaurant owners would be absolutely thrilled to see their places burn down. It saves them the cost of hiring an arsonist. If a waiter or waitress happens to take your order, they'll pass the information to the cook by yelling so loud that pilots flying overhead can hear. Sometimes they'll use a language you don't understand: "Mirubathbangkwaj, thirumajafa, Coke, manchuriathong." They're of course saying, "Bowl of chicken soup, rice with special sauce, and a Coke for the customer with the funny hair." Shouting an order to the cook is not just a form of communication -- it's also good advertising. Everyone in the restaurant can hear the order and some may say, "Rice with special sauce? That sounds good." In fact, that's the only advertising some restaurants do. That's because they don't have enough business. If they had more business, they'd advertise more. So how do they survive? Some survive by keeping their expenses down. They haven't changed their plates and silverware since 1964. And the last time they stocked the restrooms with toilet paper, Sean Connery had hair. Others survive by employing family members. Papa cooks the food, Mama runs the register, daughter Maria waits on tables, son Pablo washes the dishes, and cousin Jose fixes the books. Jose: "Good news, Pablo. Your papa doesn't need to pay no taxes this year! We're getting a refund." Pablo: "A refund? Isn't that something we give the customers when they eat Papa's chili?" Jose: "No, I'm talking about a tax refund. All I did was subtract your salary and, just like that, we didn't make no profit." Pablo: "Salary? What salary? All I'm getting is three bucks an hour. That's not even minimum wage." Jose: "Hey, keep your voice down, Pablo. Your sister might ask for a raise." I'm not trying to single out Mexican restaurants. I'm sure this happens at all types of restaurants - Chinese, Indian, Italian, Ethiopian, Bosnian. Unfortunately, when it comes to "fine dining," nobody has a monopoly. (c) 2001 Melvin Durai http://www.funnycolumns.com Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. ============================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ___ .-----------------------|-. /-.__ | _.----. |(@/,==-.| .^.7\.^. .'--. //./^-\\\ |_/|\'L')| ._.'/))##((\'.|"_"| ./ ,-.\\ / |___`.| `-'m####m'-`|`" | \," =` )) / | 7\ |_| .---"""""""" -+"-"' ( =` ? ; / | _\_| |.---------- --| \ .' .|. / || @)| || |,####. []`___ (||) |__\| || .=. .###### `. |.`. | || .O-O' (-,#### __________/....) | || u,`(__|\_"""/,'............./ | || .\,'..u/ `.-'..........._,- | || ,..`...| \,/...........<'' | || `......| >(..........`. \ | || `....'| ;-\...........`.) Norman | || _ _ _`-'..|/_.'\.'......._,"'_,-Rockwell| || (_|_| /`../-'`| \(`-._,"'` ( \________| |'"--`|~|---------"' _>=n" 7 )_ '---\~'=' ____.-][,' \/ ) |=.--'' || |( _..__ ___ | ||| || ||\ `.,-';,____`'' / | |||.==="||`._|| \ } `"======="' |____ |||__..===" || |\ ' :: :: |''';`'-. [|| [] ][\ \ :: :: |._(_7_.:' [] || YN. .'------:: | / ; __."" ;--\:________:-< , / _.--'` (__): ::_)`-....' :: :: --...__ dew " " "" Financial Advice For My Daughter The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried. "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'." ++++++++++++++++++++++ How it all started... The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory. An exciting new discovery is about to take place. Mr. Bell and his assistant, aman named Watson, have been hard at work on Bell's new invention to transmit sound over wires. As Mr. Watson toiled away in the room with the receiver, he suddenly hears ... "Good evening, sir. Are you paying too much for your long distance service?" +++++++++++++++++++++++++ More For Your Inspiration The Keys To Contentment and Happiness: Philippians 4:11 The German philosopher Goethe said there are nine keys to contentment: 1. Health enough to make work a pleasure. 2. Money enough to support your needs. 3. Strength enough to battle your difficulties and overcome them. 4. Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them. 5. Patience enough to work until some good is accomplished. 6. Charity enough to see some good in your neighbors. 7. Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others. 8. Faith enough to make real the things of God. 9. Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future. +++++++++++++++++++++++ WHAT WOMEN LIKE ABOUT MEN *They've got that comfortable place on their shoulder that's perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. *They're at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness. *They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. *Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek. *Bravery around snakes, waterbugs, bats and flat tires. *Their unapologetic desire for a nice hunk of beef or chocolate cake. *Their ability to solve problems simply by throwing a ball around. *The glimpse you get, when they wear their baseball cap backward of their inner Little Leaguer. *How tender they get when they cry, and how seldom they do it. *What they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action. *They make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys. *They really love their moms. They remind us of our dads. *They don't mind accompanying a woman to a party even though she looks like a movie star and they look like the chauffeur. *Their near-endless appetite for discussing the ins and outs of work and money - ours as well as theirs. *Their genuine ardor for tinkering with toilets, changing oil and assembling gas grills - jobs any intelligent woman can do but would be nuts to volunteer for. *They never care what their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say. *They rarely lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size. *Their face is a treasure to behold when they give us a present they picked out. *Their ignorance is usually amusing. *They have a great sense of competition. *They give great hugs, ( and always melt our hearts when a sweet "I love you Princess" is added). *Though they often try to hide it, they're very tenderhearted and caring. *They have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don't want them to. *They don't care whether colors match, but are willing to be concerned if we want them to be. *They can be taught. *They give us a peek at the little boy inside when they get sick or happy or hurt. ~~~~~~Posted From: Fishers of Grin ~~~~~~ ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Let Me See Something Cheap After being away on business, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. 'How about some perfume? he asked the cosmetic's clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. 'That's a bit much,' said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. 'That's still quite a bit,' Tom complained. Now growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. 'What I mean,' said Tom, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.' So the clerk handed him a mirror. +++++++++++++++++++++++ Deficient Blonde A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." ++++++++++++++++++++ , :. , ,__.`|\' , \,^|/|='._=-_. -.,\ \_) \/(^_)\/ (_/ / -:__ .-'~__)` ___-`~. ___ ~(_'-)-~` -^~\ ~-.' _ '. .' _ `.-._~/^~. _.=^<-.'| (@) | | (@) | ->.-^` ~-._>-'`. .'~'. .'`-<~.' .-~^'__^^--~`_...__`~--^^. _,^= `-^ __.;--~`( | )`~--;-~-._`: __...'~``.~ ^'-._\_/_.-'^~-.~-_...__ /. ~- `\-. ^.~ .`~` `.~-. ^.-/~.- ^,\ |^'- .` ~|_`-.._:_._,_:_,_..-'|- ~ . ',| |=|`, .~ '.|====================|^. ',`. |='| |/\__\__\__/|\|/|\|/|\|/|\|/|\|/\__/__/__/|/| | | | | | | | | | | | |(o __ o) | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | ((__))| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |`--' | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | "REAL FACTS ABOUT MEN" << Innocent>> (Men Bashing) 1. Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it's never used. 2. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss. 3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there. 4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first? The woman would... The man would get lost, and not stop for directions 5. How are men like commercials? You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds. 6. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs 7. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. 8. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature. 9. What did God say after creating man? I can do better. 10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business. 11. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist. 12. If men got pregnant .... Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows. 13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed. 14. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room. 15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove. 16. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable." 17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it. 18. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. ============================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) A Woman's Dream http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woman.html Tigerfish http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tigerfish.html Roller Coasters: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coaster.html Mountain Biking http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountainbiking.html Oregon Aquarium http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oregon.html -<>- >From Our Friend Jo Ann :) Old Time Radio Shows http://www.radiolovers.com/ --- ...A Good One! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- >New From Our Friend Wesley :) Food Nutritional Information Database http://www.principalhealthnews.com/topic/nutritiontoolbox Bible Toolbar http://bibletoolbar.net/ icon finder http://www.iconfinder.net/ Online Dictionary And Translation http://www.woxikon.com/ Create Free " Coming Soon " Page http://www.launchsplash.com/home http://www.services.immike.net/css-checker CSS Redundancy Checker Search For Images Shared On Twitter http://www.picfog.com/ --- ...[Careful with that last one] Good useful links! Thanks Wesley -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/Precious Friends http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Friendship2/PFriends.html POLICE: TV PITCHMAN BILLY MAYS FOUND DEAD AT HOME http://celebritydeathbeeper.com/6209421.html Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week: http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html GALE STORM, STAR OF '50S HIT TV SERIES, DIES AT 87 http://celebritydeathbeeper.com/6221422.html Canada Day: http://ottawastart.com/canadaday.php Funny Stuff http://www.buffaloschips.com/sadfswa.htm German Coast Guard http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsafe.htm Gun Control http://www.buffaloschips.com/4r4n.htm How Aliens Fish http://www.buffaloschips.com/34r43r.htm Idiot 1 http://www.buffaloschips.com/5y5g3g.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com -<>- >From LinkExchange: Azada: Ancient Magic http://tinyurl.com/kvyxfb Warlords Fighting Game http://tinyurl.com/mjwkf2 Dog Peeing Earns $100,000 http://tinyurl.com/l34n3o Turkey Hunt http://tinyurl.com/m4dbn5 Who Sleeps? http://tinyurl.com/m4tpak ============================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: I was having some chest pains, but my cardiologist assured me nothing was wrong. Then I told him I was planning a cruise to Alaska and asked if he had any suggestions for avoiding the discomfort. "Have fun," he said with a straight face, "but don't go overboard." Most people would be angry if their company was bought and the new owners replaced them with their own people. Not our neighbor Andy. "You know how it goes," he said, waxing philosophical. "Every circus brings its own clowns." Following a blowout shindig the night before, a co-worker was looking the worse for wear. "Are you feeling all right?" I asked. "I don't know," she answered slowly. "I think I'm suffering from post-partying depression." "For sale," read the ad in our hospital's weekly newsletter, "sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn once, by mistake." When hiring new staff at the public library, I always ask applicants what sort of supervision they'd be most com- fortable with. One genius answered, "I've always thought Superman's X-ray vision would be cool." My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening up in her neighborhood."How convenient," she said. "I can walk to it!" "Congress is considering a bill that would force advertisers to lower the volume of their TV commercials. OK, how did my mother get in Congress?" -Jimmy Fallon "Food addicts are the people I feel sorriest for because that's really hard. You need to eat. You don't need to do drugs. Very hard for these people to quit. "I'm going cold turkey... mmmmm turkey. Do not think about food... do not think about food... do not... nuts..." -Craig Ferguson "According to a survey by nationwide mutual insurance, 2 percent of people actually shave while they're driving. They shave! How many guys would like to be in the car with those women?" --Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************