Mother Of 6 And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This first too hot to handle one comes from our friends Linda
and PatDeE. Some great ideas for you to check out here...
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|_\ ) _| |__ Y__ ___ /___
\ \__/..<' |_| ---/ / \H/ \
\_..--<__________/ / | \
)==0 ____oooo______oooo______
####### /_______________________/
######## [_______________________]
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_apc____V\\\____________________ ====================___
Thoughts Into Action 6
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action6.html
---
...I really like the drink server idea here. Thanks Linda and PatDeE!
This next scorcher comes from our friend Brenda. A heartwarming
story sure to bring you some smiles! Check it out here...
)/_
<' \
/) )
---/'-""---
Australian Cockatoo Story
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html
---
...awww, so sweet! Thank You Brenda!
-<>-
>-->Good News From our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com:
, ,
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| B |/| |
| I | | |
| B | | |
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jgs '---'
>New Resources from Spirit & Truth Fellowship
Each month we will be sending out a monthly email letting you know
about all the resources we are working on. This will include our latest
Video Teachings, Audio Books, REV Bible updates, new Audio Teachings,
App updates and more. We have many new products in the works and are
excited to keep you informed in the weeks & months to come!
REV Bible
coming soon in Hardback
Soon you will be able to use the REV Bible as your every day reading
Bible! Watch this video!
http://tinyurl.com/n3sx824
Audio Books for Free
Our books are now available as audiobooks for your phone, tablet or
computer. All for free!
http://tinyurl.com/ltt7wwe
Israel Tour 2014
http://tinyurl.com/kpnp7fh
The Renewed Mind - Eliminate Toxic Thinking
Dan Gallagher gives some tips on how to renew your mind and eliminate
toxic thinking.
http://tinyurl.com/l67kazz
New eBooks now Available
Read our books on your phone, tablet, computer, anywhere.
Kindle | iBooks | Nook | Sony eReader
Buy in Paperback | Read key sections online
http://tinyurl.com/mo3mm43
Thanksgiving Video Series
Learn about the benefits of thankfulness and thanks-living!
Perfect for the holidays!
http://tinyurl.com/mp3t786
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
,;;;,
Mother Of Six ,;;;, """\\\\
/////)) '' `\\)
|/// '' /_ _)
A man had six children and was very \(C _) | /
proud of his achievement. He was so ((_)) _= =_ /
proud of himself that he started `"`/ / \ \
calling his wife "Mother of Six" in (`""-. <\-/``>
spite of her objections. jgs /`~~~`\ / Y`~`` \
One night they attended a party. When the man decided it was time to
go home and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as
well, he shouted across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we
go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, finally
shouted back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
November 18 is Occult Day
November 19 is Have A Bad Day Day
November 20 is Absurdity Day
November 21 is World Hello Day and False Confessions Day
November 22 is Start Your Own Country Day
November 23 is National Cashew Day
November 24 is Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
%%%%
%% "o / || \
%%@`=) / || \
_) (_ / || \
/ \ / \ m, / || \
//\ V /\\/ / || \
\,\ / ` / || \
/=[]\ / || \
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-------------------------------------------------------------------
>Autobahn
Although he knew it was illegal to hitchhike on the autobahn in
Germany, my son, after hours with no cars passing by on the deserted
road he'd been dropped off on, decided to take a chance. He ventured
down to the autobahn, put up his thumb and optimistically held up his
sign with "Denmark" written clearly on it.
His heart sank when, within 15 minutes, a police car pulled up. The
officers just looked at him for a minute or two, then one got out of
the cruiser, smiling.
As the officer approached he started speaking in a mixture of English
and German, "Two things: First, ist verboten, absolutely forbidden, to
hitchhike on the autobahn. Second," he continued as he pointed in the
opposite direction, "Denmark is that way."
-<>-
>Blizzard Conditions
A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy
or blizzard conditions should take:
- Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag
- Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves
- 24 hours supply of food and drink
- De-icer
- 5 lbs of rock salt
- flashlight with spare batteries
- Road flares and reflective triangles
- Tow rope
- 5 gallon gas can
- First aid kit
- Jump cables
I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning.
-<>-
>Cute as a Bug
A man was pleased to see his small daughter's fascination as she stared
at a bug in their backyard. He thought she was developing an interest
in science. Then the child remarked, "Grandma says I'm as cute as a
bug. The bugs where she lives must be cuter than ours."
-<>-
>Sick Aunt
Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his
office.
"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time
there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the
doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith. "I didn't realize it.
You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"
-<>-
>Socks
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came
up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you
open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked.
Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the
merchandise. She handed me the package saying, "I'll take them."
Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me: "Can I
have another pack? This one's been opened."
=========================================================
>-->From our Friend LouiseA :)
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>MILES
An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor
was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!"
The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?"
"Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"
"No," replied the man.
"Do you drink in excess?"
"No." replied the man.
"Do you have a sex life?"
"Yes, I do!"
"Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have
to give up half your sex life.
"Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the
thinking?
-------
:Outhouse
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. The family still
used an outhouse,and the little boy hated it because it was so hot in
the summer, freezing cold in the winter and stank all the time. The
outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined
that one day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek.
So, one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little
boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He
found a large pole and started pushing. Finally, after much effort, the
outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after
supper. The boy knew that meant a spanking, so he asked why. The dad
replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you,
wasn't it son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and
said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down
a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth..."
The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father probably wasn't
in the cherry tree."
-------
A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for
dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good
impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take
their order.
The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu,
shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette,
with no regard to the price.
The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would
order so much. She then stops, and looks across at him, and
asks, "What do you suggest I wash it down with?"
"Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the
Mississippi River.
--------
Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am
really stuck in a quandary I would like to attend church next week but
I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the
question.”
“Oh Harry Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, “Don’t
you know, that’s what recorders are for.”
Harry’s face lit up “You mean I could record your sermon?
-------
A husband and wife went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When
asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing
each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been
married.
She went on and on. Neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of unmet needs she had
endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time,
the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to
stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down. The therapist
turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least
seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, doc, I can drop
her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days, I play
golf."
-------
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota
asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or
mild.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter
was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should
collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He
went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it
still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going
to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is
going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a ton of firewood'
The lesson:
Don't trust what the government tells you.
-------
___
(___)
/` `\
/ /"\ \
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( _ )
`\ /`
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/ /_ _\ \
\ \___/ /
\/===\/
|| ||
|| ||
||___||
|_____|
jgs |||
/ Y \
`"`"`
>You Know You're Getting Older When:
*Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
*You keep repeating yourself.
*You keep repeating yourself.
*The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
*You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.
*You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
*Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
*You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.
*Your back goes out more often than you do.
*You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
*You get winded playing chess.
*Your children begin to look middle aged.
*People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
*A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
*You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
*Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."
*You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
*The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
*Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
*You got cable for the Weather Channel.
*You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
*After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before
applying a second coat.
*Dialing long distance wears you out.
*You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the
medicine cabinet.
*The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
*You get into a heated argument about medicare plans.
*A fortune teller offers to read your face.
*Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty
girl go by.
*You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.
*You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
*Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the
same story for the zillionth time.
*You are proud of your lawn mower.
*People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.
*Your relatives longingly refer to your things as "your estate".
*You're only good on a trip for an hour without your aspirin, beano and
antacid.
*You're awake many hours before your body allows you to get up.
*You're wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
*You are having trouble remembering simple words like....
*You're anti-everything: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise,
anti-inflammation....
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
________
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>DID YOU KNOW?
Early aircrafts' throttles had a ball on the end of it. In order to go
full throttle, the pilot had to push the throttle all the way forward
into the wall of the instrument panel. Hence, "balls to the wall" for
going very fast. And now you know, the rest of the story.
*********************************
During WWII , U.S. airplanes were armed with belts of bullets which
they would shoot during dogfights and on strafing runs. These belts
were folded into the wing compartments that fed their machine guns.
These belts measure 27 feet and contained hundreds of rounds of
bullets. Often times, the pilots would return from their missions
having expended all of their bullets on various targets. They would
say, "I gave them the whole nine yards," meaning they used up all of
their ammunition.
**********************************
Did you know the saying "God willing and the creek don't rise" was in
reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water? It was written
by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century. He was a politician and
Indian diplomat. While in the south, Hawkins was requested by the
President of the U.S. to return to Washington. In his response, he was
said to write, "God willing and the Creek don't rise." Because he
capitalized the word "Creek" it is deduced that he was referring to the
Creek Indian tribe and not a body of water.
*********************************
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was
either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed
him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others
showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not
based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs
were to be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore painting them
would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost
you an arm and a leg.' (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult
to paint.)
******************************
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year
(May and October). Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved
their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could
afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to
clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the
shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and
fluffy, hence the term 'big wig'. Today we often use the term 'here
comes the Big Wig' because someone appears to be or is powerful and
wealthy.
*********************************
In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one
chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was
used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in the chair
while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who
was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal.
To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called
the one sitting in the chair the 'chair man.' Today in business, we use
the expression or title 'Chairman' or 'Chairman of the Board.'
*********************************
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many
women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would
spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their
complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to
stare at another woman's face she was told, 'mind your own bee's wax.'
Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term 'crack a
smile'. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would
melt. Therefore, the expression 'losing face.'
*********************************
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and
dignified woman, as in 'straight laced' wore a tightly tied lace.
*********************************
Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax
levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the 'Ace
of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards
instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were
thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full
deck.'
********************************
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what
the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's
or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns,
pubs, and bars. They were told to 'go sip' some Ale and listen to
people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were
dispatched at different times. 'You go sip here' and 'You go sip
there.' The two words 'go sip' were eventually combined when referring
to the local opinion and, thus we have the term 'gossip.'
**********************************
At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and
quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the
customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention
and remember who was drinking in 'pints' and who was drinking in
'quarts,' hence the phrase 'minding your 'P's and Q's'.
**********************************
One more: bet you didn't know this!
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters
carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It
was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to
prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method
devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on
four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30
cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem....how to prevent the bottom layer from
sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal
plate called a 'Monkey' with 16 round indentations. However, if this
plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The
solution to the rusting problem was to make 'Brass Monkeys.' Few
landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster
than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too
far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron
cannonballs would come right off the monkey; thus, it was quite
literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.' (All
this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you?)
---
...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA!
Check out more here...
Word/Phrase Origins!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
Everybody is familiar with the iconic image of the lone
protester standing in front of a line of tanks in Tiananmen
Square. Well, that's China. In Russia they do things a
little differently (maybe because it is harder to get large
amounts of vodka in China).
Moscow's Red Square was the scene of a bizarre protest this
weekend when "artist" Pyotr Pavlensky stripped naked and
nailed his testicles to the cobblestones in front of St.
Basil's Cathedral.
Pyotr is no stranger to making a testicle...er...spectacle
of himself. In 2012 he sewed his mouth shut to support
jailed musicians from Russian punk group Pussy Riot and
then he wrapped his naked body in barbed wire the same year
outside a St. Petersburg government building to protest what
he referred to as Russia's repressive regime.
This most recent stunt was aimed at protesting apathy and
political indifference among the Russian public, so he said.
However a Russian judge said that the police documents didn't
show that Pyotr Pavlensky had broken the law when he performed
his protest. In Russia, what a man nails his testicles to is
his business.
*-- Police: Drunk woman confused cheeseburger for sandal --*
LOGANVILLE, Ga. - Police in Georgia allege a woman caught
having drunken sex with a man in a parked vehicle
"attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were
a sandal." The Loganville Police Department said an officer
allegedly spotted Rachel Gossett, 25, and Frank Lucas, 27,
having sex in the front seat of a Dodge truck parked
outside the Waffle House eatery in Loganville about 1 a.m.
Sunday and interrupted the amorous couple, The Smoking Gun
reported Monday. Gossett, who had been straddling Lucas
without any pants on, "jumped into the passenger seat and
just sat there" while Lucas pulled up his pants, the
officer wrote in the arrest report. "I had to tell the
female numerous times to get dressed before she finally
did," officer Joshua Brickle said. "When the female
finally got dressed she attempted to put a cheeseburger
on her foot as if it were a sandal." Gossett and Lucas
were both arrested on charges of loitering and public
drunkenness.
*-- Woman, 75, convicted of assault for dog poo fling --*
TRUMPINGTON, England - A 75-year-old British woman was
convicted of assault for emptying a bag of dog droppings
on a cyclist she accused of riding too close to her.
Prosecutors said Susan Currall, 75, of Trumpington,
England, swung the bag of her dog's feces at cyclist
Michael Ramage Sept. 12 because she was angry at how
often cyclists passed too close to her while she was
walking, Cambridge News reported Monday. Currall, who
said she did not expect the bag to split and spill its
contents onto Ramage, was ordered to pay Ramage $40 to
cover his dry-cleaning costs as well as $160 to the court
for costs. She was given a one-year conditional discharge.
*-- Man pleads not guilty to charges for biting another man's nose --*
LEWISTON, Maine - A 33-year-old man is accused of nearly
biting the nose off another man at a bar in Lewiston,
Maine, police said. Todd Lyons pleaded not guilty Wednesday
to charges of aggravated assault in the 2011 incident that
occurred on the dance floor of Pub 33, the Lewiston-Auburn
(Maine) Sun Journal reported. Lyons, formerly of Mechanic
Falls, Maine, was arrested recently on a warrant by police
in Pascagoula, Miss., where he was found working at a local
carnival. Police allege Lyons walked up to Ryan Zinninger
of Greene, Maine, in November 2011 while Zinninger was on
the dance floor. Lyons allegedly walked up to Zinninger,
"leaned into him and bit him on the face," police said.
Zinninger was rushed to a hospital, where doctors were
able to reattach his nose with 12 stitches, police said.
Witnesses told police the two had been arguing, but a
bartender working that night said it appeared to have been
a random act, the newspaper said. Lyons is being held in
lieu of $10,000 cash bail.
*-- Wallet returned with contents 6 years after theft --*
WALSRODE, Germany - A German retiree whose wallet was
stolen six years ago said the thief returned the wallet
with extra money added as an apology. Peter Jurgensen, 73,
said his wallet was stolen at a supermarket in Walsrode in
March 2007 and it contained his credit card, ID, photos of
his grandchildren and $471 cash, The Local.de reported
Thursday. Jurgensen said he did not realize his wallet
was gone until a few hours later and he forgot about the
incident after replacing it and its contents. The pensioner
told the Bild newspaper he was surprised to be reminded of
the stolen wallet recently when it was mailed to his home
along with all of its contents and an apology letter.
"Greed drove me to taking the wallet," the thief wrote.
"I have become a confessed Christian. The holy spirit has
called upon me to repair the damage." The thief included
an extra $67 with the wallet as a means of apology.
"Everything was in the wallet as I left it. I thank the
man for his belated honesty," Jurgensen said.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
(*) (*)
(__) ^ ^ (__)
(oo) | | | @(oo)@
[..] | = | [..]@@
\ | U (-) | | | | (-) U @@@@
|| ==<_\=====/_|______=_____|=|____________=__|____\====/_>== ||
|| ) |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ( ||
||___)==||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||==(___||
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= * = = = = * =
candlelight dinner
IF COLLEGE STUDENTS WROTE THE BIBLE:
* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -
cold.
* The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double
spaced and written in large font.
* A new edition would be published every two years in order
to limit reselling.
* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't
cafeteria food.
* Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's E-mail to
abuse@romans.gov.
* Reason Cain killed Abel; they were roommates.
* Reason why Moses and followers walked the desert for 40
years; they didn't want to ask directions and look like
freshmen.
* Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting
on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night
before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
-<>-
[This is an old, old one, but still one of my favorites...]
A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will
be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the
wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes
for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest
he's ever been.
After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas
break and the old man sits him down for a talk. "Well, boy,
you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell
me some of that fancy book learnin'."
So junior says, "My favorite class is math, pa. Just last
week we learned a new formula...Pi r squared."
At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his
forehead, "Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling
and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody knows
pie are round...CORNBREAD are squared!"
-<>-
A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My
husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He
doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around
the house organizing things."
The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after
we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and
plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back
in its place.'"
The first woman asked, "Did it help?"
Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."
-<>-
A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has
come from the links. While he's driving the tees in his
pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those
things that just fell out of your pockets?"
"Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm
driving."
"Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."
-<>-
My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and
regulations that customs officials must follow. But when
it comes to the law, well, that's a different story.
We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting
a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these
allegations?"
My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your
honor."
-<>-
First thing - every single morning - one of the secretaries
in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horo-
scope aloud.
"Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal,
levelheaded person. Do you really believe in astrology?"
"Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical we
Capricorns are."
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
. + . . . . . .
. . . *
. * . . . . . . + .
"You Are Here" . . + . . .
. | . . . . . .
| . . . +. + .
\|/ . . . .
. . V . * . . . . + .
+ . . . +
. . + .+. .
. . . + . . . . .
. . . . . . . . ! /
* . . . + . . - O -
. . . + . . * . . / |
. + . . . .. + .
. . . . * . * . +.. . *
. . . . . . . . + . . +
unknown
** Andy Says... Just Think About This! **
** If you're going the wrong direction remember;
God allows U-turns. **
** If we could remember that the divine mercy is not
a temporary mood but an attribute of God's eternal being,
we would no longer fear that it will someday cease to be.
Nothing that has occurred or will occur in heaven or earth
or hell can change the tender mercies of our God. Forever
His mercy stands, a boundless, overwhelming immensity of
divine pity and compassion. --A. W. Tozer **
** Too much caution is bad for you. By avoiding things you
fear, you may let yourself in for unhappy consequences.
It is usually wiser to stand up to a scary-seeming
experience and walk right into it, risking the bruises as
hard knocks. You are likely to find it is not as tough as
you had thought. Or you may find it plenty tough, but
also discover you have what it takes to handle it.
~~~- Norman Vincent Peale, Minister and Author **
** Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions.
Small people always do that, but the really great, make
you feel that you too can become great.
~~~- Mark Twain, Author **
** "The worst moment for an atheist is when he
is really thankful and has nobody to thank."
** He who speaks sows, and he who listens harvests. -
Argentinean Proverb
** The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.
** Don't be afraid to ask dumb questions. They're more easily
handled than dumb mistakes.
- William Wister Hanes, in "High Tension" (Little, Brown)
** Joy, has no cost.
- Marianne Williamson, Author
** All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was
milking a cow.~~~- Grant Wood (1892 - 1942), Artist
** In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is the kind and
gentle spirit.
** No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of
another.
** Hope... is the companion of power, and the mother of
success; for who hopes strongly, has within him the
gift of miracles. ~~~- Samuel Smiles, Author
** Those who desire to give up Freedom in order to gain
Security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.
- Thomas Jefferson
-<>-
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** How You Can Tell If A Husband Is "Henpecked" **
** He wears the pants in the house - under his apron.
** He has two chances of winning an argument
with her, slim and none.
** She leads a double life - hers and his.
** He comes right out and says what she tells
him to think.
** She does not have to raise the roof; all she has
to do is raise an eyebrow.
** He always has the last word - he says, "I apologize."
** He was a man about town, she has turned him
into a mouse around the house.
** The last big decision she let him make was whether
to wash or to dry.
** He put a ring on her finger and she put one through
his nose.
** He was a dude before marriage - now he is subdued.
** He married her for her looks, but not the kind he's
getting now.
** She lost her thumb in an accident and sued for
$100,000, because it was the thumb she had
him under.
** She even complains about the noise he makes,
when he is fixing his own breakfast.
** He goes to a woman dentist - it's a relief to be
told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.
** Every once in awhile she comes to him on her
bent knees. She dares him to come out from
under the bed and face the frying pan in her hand.
-<>-
\\\\ .===.
| c '' | |
| , U | | ______________________
E, _=__ | | .----------------------.'
\\ / __\_______ | | ,----, |/
\\// | | | |/ /|--------------------'
|\ \/ \| | | .-----' | / / ' .
| \___________ |______m___| `==| | | / / .: '
\ | |(_ //\\ | | | \_\--------/
\|___________| // \\ _ | | | | )=--=( | .:
, , // \\// | |/ | )=--=( | :.,/
PN , ;', . /___, \/ '-----' /--------\ , >
. :
** He's Got Furniture Disease **
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc
asked if there was anything unusual he should know about.
That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real
strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because
it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably
just put on a few pounds, Matt."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the
last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked.
"Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when
your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."
-<>-
___
___ '::|_|_|
'::|_|_|'.:|_|_|
'.:|_|_|
_,,--~~|~~--,,_
/` | `\
|
7
_( ___
|.|\|:-)|__
|'| |___| /
|_| /:::\ ~
** IS WINDOWS A VIRUS? **
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down
the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -
okay, Windows does that too.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along
with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does
that, too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their
system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new
hardware. Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are
fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their
authors, are running on most systems, their program code is
fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more
sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.
-<>-
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
** How To Get A Weekend Pass... For Military **
A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer
to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained,
"my wife's expecting."
"Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell
your wife that I wish her luck."
The following week the same soldier was back again with the
same explanation: "My wife's expecting."
The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said,
"Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course
you can have the week-end off."
When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however,
the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is
still expecting!" he bellowed.
"Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still
expecting."
"What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer.
"Me." said the soldier simply. (GROANER FOR SURE)
-<>-
** Chat Room Information "IS NOT" For Hospitals **
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump.
After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to
the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for my height and
weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother
leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is
not the Internet."
-<>-
** Sunday School Lesson For Today **
One Sunday after church Mom asked very young daughter
what the lesson was about. Daughter answered "Don't be
scared, you'll get your quilts."
Needless to say, Mom was perplexed. Later in the day,
Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that
morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not
afraid, thy comforter is coming."
-<>-
** Men Have PMS Every 28 Days **
Have you ever noticed that about every 28 days or so, your husband
begins acting strangely? Does he wear white gloves and carry a banjo?
Does he insist on referring to you as "Mr. Bones" and your neighborhood
as "Dixie"?
Then, my friend, your husband may be suffering from an incurable--but
treatable--disease. Do not hesitate. Call your doctor immediately.
Pre-Minstrel Syndrome can be treated effectively--ask your doctor.
-<>-
** We Know You're a Teacher If... ** (From Andy's Archives)
* You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from
8 to 3 and have your summers free!"
* You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as 'the
lounge' .
* You're sure the lounge should be equipped with a valium salt lick.
* You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.
* You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
* You convinced chocolate is the 5th food group.
* When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.
* When out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and
correct their behavior.
* You think people should be able to get a government permit before
being allowed to reproduce.
* You know you're in for a MAJOR project when a parent says, "I have a
great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun!"
* You smile weakly, but secretly fantasize about choking a person when
they say, "Oh, you must have such fun everyday. It must be like playtime
for you."
* Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this
child like this?"
-<>-
** More From Sunday School **
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question "Boys and girls,
what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
-<>-
** Who Told You About Us **
Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite
in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We
really like it, but I don't think we can afford it."
The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment...
then you don't make another payment for six months."
Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and
says, "Who told you about us?"
-<>-
.::\)`:`,
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;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\
;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\
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| `____/ ( { ))())) . .`,
____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . |
/ \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .|
| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
| /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. |
| | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .|
| | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| |
|/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . |
| ! | | | | ! |~~~~'
| ! | | | | ! |
** Kids On Marriage **
** HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY **
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep
the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10
** WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? **
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then. --Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married. --Freddie, age 6
** HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? **
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
same kids. --Derrick, age 8
** WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? **
Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8
** WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? **
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
--Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10
** WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? **
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9
* WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? **
When they're rich. --Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that. --Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
--Howard, age 8
** IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? **
I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never
going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
--Theodore, age 8
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9
** HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? **
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8
"And the #1 Favorite is........"
** HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? **
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a
truck. --Ricky, age 10
============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Elephant Rescue
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephants.html
Elephant Ditties
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eleph.html
Angels Are Watching!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html
Friends And Health
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html
City That Time Forgot
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html
Mountain Folk Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/folkart.html
Amazing Cop Cars 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html
Birth Of An Island
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/island.html
Bear Rescue!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue.html
Empire State Building
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/empire.html
Bolivia's Road Of Death
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bolivia.html
Guoliang Tunnel Road
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnel.html
Underwater River In Mexico
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html
-<>-
>From our Friend LouiseA :)
I bet you don't know what the inside of a birdhouse looks like.
Watch this funny TV spot from the UK to find out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH5OSU2vEHU&feature=player_embedded
This fun site will tell you what happened in the year you were born.
You will see the significant historic events, interesting awards such
the Nobel Prize and Oscars, the top-selling movie of the year, the
best-selling book, and so much more.
http://whathappenedinmybirthyear.com/
Has a stranger ever nodded off on your shoulder while on a plane, train
or bus? This guy tried sleeping on strangers on the subway as an
experiment. You'll never believe the insane reactions he got! What
would you do if this guy fell asleep on you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzQ4FZTmR8s&feature=player_embedded
I don’t easily get excited about big trucks but the The Epic Volvo
Truck Split performed by Jean-Claude Van Damme is simply awesome!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7FIvfx5J10&feature=player_embedded
A film taken from a streetcar traveling down Market Street in San
Francisco in 1906, a few days before the earthquake/fire destroyed the
area.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHxuUNKWwmY&feature=player_embedded
This gave me goose bumps, awesome!.. The loving image of you. This was
so beautiful! "A lovely video from a most amazing young girl. The song
inspires me and will continue to do so as I listen to it again and again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=foUrBztgzZA
---
...WOW! Great links! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
I had never seen or known this before!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?feature=player_embedded&v=sNOsIB5VMSQ
---
...Awww, history! Thanks Geniann!
Not your ordinary trapeze act. They're wearing their "church clothes"
while doing this! It is really good. Watch her face and make sure she
doesn't get too excited.
http://tinyurl.com/n5dyqdj
---
...LOL! Pretty talented act! Thanks Geniann!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"It turns out that a lot of children could lose their dental
insurance under Obamacare. So kids might not be able to go
to the dentist. Parents were really upset, while kids said,
'Four more years! Four more years!'" -Jimmy Fallon
"According to a study, they found common words used by
happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also
found common words used by other people to describe happy
people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious..." --Jay Leno
"The No. 1 movie right now is 'Thor.' It's all about a guy
named Thor who saves the world with his giant hammer. He
also has a medium-sized hammer he uses to tenderize veal.
And he has a tiny hammer to test your reflexes."
-Dave Letterman
"Heinz ketchup announced that it will cut more than 1,300
jobs over the next eight months. They say they just don't
have a lot of money left in their budget. Then people said,
'Have you tried turning it upside down and letting it sit
for a few minutes?'" -Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama paid tribute to America's oldest living
veteran, 107-year-old Richard Overton. Overton credits his
longevity to drinking whiskey and smoking cigars every day.
Now there's a health plan we can all get behind." -Jay Leno
"It's Sadie Hawkins Day. It is the day a woman can ask a man
out for a date or a dance. Don't confuse Sadie Hawkins Day
with Stephen Hawkins Day. That is when girls are allowed to
ask guys about the basic principles of theoretical physics."
-Craig Ferguson
"Wal-Mart announced that this Thanksgiving they are opening
earlier than they ever have. Because what better way to
celebrate the pilgrims' arrival than buying crap from China."
-Conan O'Brien
"It's a big day if you're into numerology. 11/12/13. A lot
of people wanted to be married on 11/12/13. Because who
doesn't love getting invited to a wedding on a Tuesday?"
-Craig Ferguson
"For the first time in 32 years, Butterball is adding male
staffers to their Thanksgiving turkey talk line, the phone
number you can call if you are having trouble cooking your
turkey. One of the guys just yells questions to his wife in
the other room." -Jimmy Kimmel
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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