Mother Of 6 And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first too hot to handle one comes from our friends Linda and PatDeE. Some great ideas for you to check out here... %%%% %%% , %%%6 ` """" %%% < oo''@ @ | %%% )( __o / 9 %%%_ \ _/ \ / \= / |_\ ) _| |__ Y__ ___ /___ \ \__/..<' |_| ---/ / \H/ \ \_..--<__________/ / | \ )==0 ____oooo______oooo______ ####### /_______________________/ ######## [_______________________] ####### || | | || | \ || ||___| |___||/ \ || || || || || / // || || || || ( || || || || || \ || || || || || )|| | == | | == | |\\ |(__)/ \(__)| _apc____V\\\____________________ ====================___ Thoughts Into Action 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action6.html --- ...I really like the drink server idea here. Thanks Linda and PatDeE! This next scorcher comes from our friend Brenda. A heartwarming story sure to bring you some smiles! Check it out here... )/_ <' \ /) ) ---/'-""--- Australian Cockatoo Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html --- ...awww, so sweet! Thank You Brenda! -<>- >-->Good News From our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >New Resources from Spirit & Truth Fellowship Each month we will be sending out a monthly email letting you know about all the resources we are working on. This will include our latest Video Teachings, Audio Books, REV Bible updates, new Audio Teachings, App updates and more. We have many new products in the works and are excited to keep you informed in the weeks & months to come! REV Bible coming soon in Hardback Soon you will be able to use the REV Bible as your every day reading Bible! Watch this video! http://tinyurl.com/n3sx824 Audio Books for Free Our books are now available as audiobooks for your phone, tablet or computer. All for free! http://tinyurl.com/ltt7wwe Israel Tour 2014 http://tinyurl.com/kpnp7fh The Renewed Mind - Eliminate Toxic Thinking Dan Gallagher gives some tips on how to renew your mind and eliminate toxic thinking. http://tinyurl.com/l67kazz New eBooks now Available Read our books on your phone, tablet, computer, anywhere. Kindle | iBooks | Nook | Sony eReader Buy in Paperback | Read key sections online http://tinyurl.com/mo3mm43 Thanksgiving Video Series Learn about the benefits of thankfulness and thanks-living! Perfect for the holidays! http://tinyurl.com/mp3t786 ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: ,;;;, Mother Of Six ,;;;, """\\\\ /////)) '' `\\) |/// '' /_ _) A man had six children and was very \(C _) | / proud of his achievement. He was so ((_)) _= =_ / proud of himself that he started `"`/ / \ \ calling his wife "Mother of Six" in (`""-. <\-/``> spite of her objections. jgs /`~~~`\ / Y`~`` \ One night they attended a party. When the man decided it was time to go home and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well, he shouted across the room at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, finally shouted back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 18 is Occult Day November 19 is Have A Bad Day Day November 20 is Absurdity Day November 21 is World Hello Day and False Confessions Day November 22 is Start Your Own Country Day November 23 is National Cashew Day November 24 is Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: %%%% %% "o / || \ %%@`=) / || \ _) (_ / || \ / \ / \ m, / || \ //\ V /\\/ / || \ \,\ / ` / || \ /=[]\ / || \ ///||\\ / || \ ///||||\\ / || \ ------------------------------------------------------------------- >Autobahn Although he knew it was illegal to hitchhike on the autobahn in Germany, my son, after hours with no cars passing by on the deserted road he'd been dropped off on, decided to take a chance. He ventured down to the autobahn, put up his thumb and optimistically held up his sign with "Denmark" written clearly on it. His heart sank when, within 15 minutes, a police car pulled up. The officers just looked at him for a minute or two, then one got out of the cruiser, smiling. As the officer approached he started speaking in a mixture of English and German, "Two things: First, ist verboten, absolutely forbidden, to hitchhike on the autobahn. Second," he continued as he pointed in the opposite direction, "Denmark is that way." -<>- >Blizzard Conditions A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy or blizzard conditions should take: - Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag - Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves - 24 hours supply of food and drink - De-icer - 5 lbs of rock salt - flashlight with spare batteries - Road flares and reflective triangles - Tow rope - 5 gallon gas can - First aid kit - Jump cables I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning. -<>- >Cute as a Bug A man was pleased to see his small daughter's fascination as she stared at a bug in their backyard. He thought she was developing an interest in science. Then the child remarked, "Grandma says I'm as cute as a bug. The bugs where she lives must be cuter than ours." -<>- >Sick Aunt Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking, do you?" -<>- >Socks When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package saying, "I'll take them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me: "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened." ========================================================= >-->From our Friend LouiseA :) ,-._,,_,-. ((`,-""-.')) |=,'""`.=| |=|O__O|=| ;`-'(__)`-'; ',_ -. _,` > ,`--',-. >; ;=-=\ =| ;,='| =| | ==| =| }`=-| =| |`==| =| ;===| '| | \-. '| \ `--< (=\ \_)-' |=`.___/=| |`=|`=-j=| hjw ,-'`_|`=-|=( (i_,' `==(-=\ (i_i_____)==\ __)`=) (`.`=/ `--' >MILES An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!" The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?" "Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?" "No," replied the man. "Do you drink in excess?" "No." replied the man. "Do you have a sex life?" "Yes, I do!" "Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life. "Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the thinking? ------- :Outhouse Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. The family still used an outhouse,and the little boy hated it because it was so hot in the summer, freezing cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined that one day he would push that old outhouse straight into the creek. So, one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He found a large pole and started pushing. Finally, after much effort, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. The boy knew that meant a spanking, so he asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth..." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father probably wasn't in the cherry tree." ------- A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order. The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much. She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks, "What do you suggest I wash it down with?" "Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River. -------- Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.” “Oh Harry Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, “Don’t you know, that’s what recorders are for.” Harry’s face lit up “You mean I could record your sermon? ------- A husband and wife went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on. Neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth. The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days, I play golf." ------- It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.' The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.' 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a ton of firewood' The lesson: Don't trust what the government tells you. ------- ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` >You Know You're Getting Older When: *Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. *You keep repeating yourself. *You keep repeating yourself. *The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. *You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere. *You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. *Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. *You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm. *Your back goes out more often than you do. *You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. *You get winded playing chess. *Your children begin to look middle aged. *People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" *A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge. *You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. *Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..." *You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones. *The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife. *Your knees buckle and your belt won't. *You got cable for the Weather Channel. *You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. *After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat. *Dialing long distance wears you out. *You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. *The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off. *You get into a heated argument about medicare plans. *A fortune teller offers to read your face. *Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by. *You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer. *You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. *Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time. *You are proud of your lawn mower. *People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap. *Your relatives longingly refer to your things as "your estate". *You're only good on a trip for an hour without your aspirin, beano and antacid. *You're awake many hours before your body allows you to get up. *You're wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just your left leg. *You are having trouble remembering simple words like.... *You're anti-everything: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammation.... --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >DID YOU KNOW? Early aircrafts' throttles had a ball on the end of it. In order to go full throttle, the pilot had to push the throttle all the way forward into the wall of the instrument panel. Hence, "balls to the wall" for going very fast. And now you know, the rest of the story. ********************************* During WWII , U.S. airplanes were armed with belts of bullets which they would shoot during dogfights and on strafing runs. These belts were folded into the wing compartments that fed their machine guns. These belts measure 27 feet and contained hundreds of rounds of bullets. Often times, the pilots would return from their missions having expended all of their bullets on various targets. They would say, "I gave them the whole nine yards," meaning they used up all of their ammunition. ********************************** Did you know the saying "God willing and the creek don't rise" was in reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water? It was written by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century. He was a politician and Indian diplomat. While in the south, Hawkins was requested by the President of the U.S. to return to Washington. In his response, he was said to write, "God willing and the Creek don't rise." Because he capitalized the word "Creek" it is deduced that he was referring to the Creek Indian tribe and not a body of water. ********************************* In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.' (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint.) ****************************** As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October). Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term 'big wig'. Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big Wig' because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy. ********************************* In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the 'chair man.' Today in business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman' or 'Chairman of the Board.' ********************************* Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, 'mind your own bee's wax.' Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term 'crack a smile'. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt. Therefore, the expression 'losing face.' ********************************* Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in 'straight laced' wore a tightly tied lace. ********************************* Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the 'Ace of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full deck.' ******************************** Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to 'go sip' some Ale and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. 'You go sip here' and 'You go sip there.' The two words 'go sip' were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term 'gossip.' ********************************** At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in 'pints' and who was drinking in 'quarts,' hence the phrase 'minding your 'P's and Q's'. ********************************** One more: bet you didn't know this! In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem....how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a 'Monkey' with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make 'Brass Monkeys.' Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey; thus, it was quite literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.' (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you?) --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA! Check out more here... Word/Phrase Origins! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Everybody is familiar with the iconic image of the lone protester standing in front of a line of tanks in Tiananmen Square. Well, that's China. In Russia they do things a little differently (maybe because it is harder to get large amounts of vodka in China). Moscow's Red Square was the scene of a bizarre protest this weekend when "artist" Pyotr Pavlensky stripped naked and nailed his testicles to the cobblestones in front of St. Basil's Cathedral. Pyotr is no stranger to making a testicle...er...spectacle of himself. In 2012 he sewed his mouth shut to support jailed musicians from Russian punk group Pussy Riot and then he wrapped his naked body in barbed wire the same year outside a St. Petersburg government building to protest what he referred to as Russia's repressive regime. This most recent stunt was aimed at protesting apathy and political indifference among the Russian public, so he said. However a Russian judge said that the police documents didn't show that Pyotr Pavlensky had broken the law when he performed his protest. In Russia, what a man nails his testicles to is his business. *-- Police: Drunk woman confused cheeseburger for sandal --* LOGANVILLE, Ga. - Police in Georgia allege a woman caught having drunken sex with a man in a parked vehicle "attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were a sandal." The Loganville Police Department said an officer allegedly spotted Rachel Gossett, 25, and Frank Lucas, 27, having sex in the front seat of a Dodge truck parked outside the Waffle House eatery in Loganville about 1 a.m. Sunday and interrupted the amorous couple, The Smoking Gun reported Monday. Gossett, who had been straddling Lucas without any pants on, "jumped into the passenger seat and just sat there" while Lucas pulled up his pants, the officer wrote in the arrest report. "I had to tell the female numerous times to get dressed before she finally did," officer Joshua Brickle said. "When the female finally got dressed she attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were a sandal." Gossett and Lucas were both arrested on charges of loitering and public drunkenness. *-- Woman, 75, convicted of assault for dog poo fling --* TRUMPINGTON, England - A 75-year-old British woman was convicted of assault for emptying a bag of dog droppings on a cyclist she accused of riding too close to her. Prosecutors said Susan Currall, 75, of Trumpington, England, swung the bag of her dog's feces at cyclist Michael Ramage Sept. 12 because she was angry at how often cyclists passed too close to her while she was walking, Cambridge News reported Monday. Currall, who said she did not expect the bag to split and spill its contents onto Ramage, was ordered to pay Ramage $40 to cover his dry-cleaning costs as well as $160 to the court for costs. She was given a one-year conditional discharge. *-- Man pleads not guilty to charges for biting another man's nose --* LEWISTON, Maine - A 33-year-old man is accused of nearly biting the nose off another man at a bar in Lewiston, Maine, police said. Todd Lyons pleaded not guilty Wednesday to charges of aggravated assault in the 2011 incident that occurred on the dance floor of Pub 33, the Lewiston-Auburn (Maine) Sun Journal reported. Lyons, formerly of Mechanic Falls, Maine, was arrested recently on a warrant by police in Pascagoula, Miss., where he was found working at a local carnival. Police allege Lyons walked up to Ryan Zinninger of Greene, Maine, in November 2011 while Zinninger was on the dance floor. Lyons allegedly walked up to Zinninger, "leaned into him and bit him on the face," police said. Zinninger was rushed to a hospital, where doctors were able to reattach his nose with 12 stitches, police said. Witnesses told police the two had been arguing, but a bartender working that night said it appeared to have been a random act, the newspaper said. Lyons is being held in lieu of $10,000 cash bail. *-- Wallet returned with contents 6 years after theft --* WALSRODE, Germany - A German retiree whose wallet was stolen six years ago said the thief returned the wallet with extra money added as an apology. Peter Jurgensen, 73, said his wallet was stolen at a supermarket in Walsrode in March 2007 and it contained his credit card, ID, photos of his grandchildren and $471 cash, The Local.de reported Thursday. Jurgensen said he did not realize his wallet was gone until a few hours later and he forgot about the incident after replacing it and its contents. The pensioner told the Bild newspaper he was surprised to be reminded of the stolen wallet recently when it was mailed to his home along with all of its contents and an apology letter. "Greed drove me to taking the wallet," the thief wrote. "I have become a confessed Christian. The holy spirit has called upon me to repair the damage." The thief included an extra $67 with the wallet as a means of apology. "Everything was in the wallet as I left it. I thank the man for his belated honesty," Jurgensen said. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: (*) (*) (__) ^ ^ (__) (oo) | | | @(oo)@ [..] | = | [..]@@ \ | U (-) | | | | (-) U @@@@ || ==<_\=====/_|______=_____|=|____________=__|____\====/_>== || || ) |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ( || ||___)==||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||==(___|| |\====| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |====/| | \ | | | | / | = * = = = = * = candlelight dinner IF COLLEGE STUDENTS WROTE THE BIBLE: * The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold. * The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font. * A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling. * Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food. * Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's E-mail to abuse@romans.gov. * Reason Cain killed Abel; they were roommates. * Reason why Moses and followers walked the desert for 40 years; they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen. * Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter. -<>- [This is an old, old one, but still one of my favorites...] A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he's ever been. After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. "Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin'." So junior says, "My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula...Pi r squared." At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, "Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody knows pie are round...CORNBREAD are squared!" -<>- A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since." -<>- A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has come from the links. While he's driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?" "Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving." "Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer." -<>- My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story. We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?" My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor." -<>- First thing - every single morning - one of the secretaries in our office opened the newspaper and read everyone's horo- scope aloud. "Gwen," said our boss finally, "you seem to be a normal, levelheaded person. Do you really believe in astrology?" "Of course not," Gwen answered. "You know how skeptical we Capricorns are." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: . + . . . . . . . . . * . * . . . . . . + . "You Are Here" . . + . . . . | . . . . . . | . . . +. + . \|/ . . . . . . V . * . . . . + . + . . . + . . + .+. . . . . + . . . . . . . . . . . . . ! / * . . . + . . - O - . . . + . . * . . / | . + . . . .. + . . . . . * . * . +.. . * . . . . . . . . + . . + unknown ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** ** If you're going the wrong direction remember; God allows U-turns. ** ** If we could remember that the divine mercy is not a temporary mood but an attribute of God's eternal being, we would no longer fear that it will someday cease to be. Nothing that has occurred or will occur in heaven or earth or hell can change the tender mercies of our God. Forever His mercy stands, a boundless, overwhelming immensity of divine pity and compassion. --A. W. Tozer ** ** Too much caution is bad for you. By avoiding things you fear, you may let yourself in for unhappy consequences. It is usually wiser to stand up to a scary-seeming experience and walk right into it, risking the bruises as hard knocks. You are likely to find it is not as tough as you had thought. Or you may find it plenty tough, but also discover you have what it takes to handle it. ~~~- Norman Vincent Peale, Minister and Author ** ** Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great, make you feel that you too can become great. ~~~- Mark Twain, Author ** ** "The worst moment for an atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank." ** He who speaks sows, and he who listens harvests. - Argentinean Proverb ** The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives. ** Don't be afraid to ask dumb questions. They're more easily handled than dumb mistakes. - William Wister Hanes, in "High Tension" (Little, Brown) ** Joy, has no cost. - Marianne Williamson, Author ** All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.~~~- Grant Wood (1892 - 1942), Artist ** In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is the kind and gentle spirit. ** No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another. ** Hope... is the companion of power, and the mother of success; for who hopes strongly, has within him the gift of miracles. ~~~- Samuel Smiles, Author ** Those who desire to give up Freedom in order to gain Security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one. - Thomas Jefferson -<>- ,~. ,-'__ `-, {,-' `. } ,') ,( a ) `-.__ ,',')~, <=.) ( `-.__,==' ' ' '} ( ) / `-'\ , ) | \ `~. / \ `._ \ / \ `._____,' / `-. ,' `-. ,-' `~~~~' //_|| __//--'/` hjw ,--'/` ' ' ** How You Can Tell If A Husband Is "Henpecked" ** ** He wears the pants in the house - under his apron. ** He has two chances of winning an argument with her, slim and none. ** She leads a double life - hers and his. ** He comes right out and says what she tells him to think. ** She does not have to raise the roof; all she has to do is raise an eyebrow. ** He always has the last word - he says, "I apologize." ** He was a man about town, she has turned him into a mouse around the house. ** The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry. ** He put a ring on her finger and she put one through his nose. ** He was a dude before marriage - now he is subdued. ** He married her for her looks, but not the kind he's getting now. ** She lost her thumb in an accident and sued for $100,000, because it was the thumb she had him under. ** She even complains about the noise he makes, when he is fixing his own breakfast. ** He goes to a woman dentist - it's a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it. ** Every once in awhile she comes to him on her bent knees. She dares him to come out from under the bed and face the frying pan in her hand. -<>- \\\\ .===. | c '' | | | , U | | ______________________ E, _=__ | | .----------------------.' \\ / __\_______ | | ,----, |/ \\// | | | |/ /|--------------------' |\ \/ \| | | .-----' | / / ' . | \___________ |______m___| `==| | | / / .: ' \ | |(_ //\\ | | | \_\--------/ \|___________| // \\ _ | | | | )=--=( | .: , , // \\// | |/ | )=--=( | :.,/ PN , ;', . /___, \/ '-----' /--------\ , > . : ** He's Got Furniture Disease ** Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers." -<>- ___ ___ '::|_|_| '::|_|_|'.:|_|_| '.:|_|_| _,,--~~|~~--,,_ /` | `\ | 7 _( ___ |.|\|:-)|__ |'| |___| / |_| /:::\ ~ ** IS WINDOWS A VIRUS? ** No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. 4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. 5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, Windows does that, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug. -<>- \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz ** How To Get A Weekend Pass... For Military ** A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting." "Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck." The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting." The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off." When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed. "Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting." "What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer. "Me." said the soldier simply. (GROANER FOR SURE) -<>- ** Chat Room Information "IS NOT" For Hospitals ** I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet." -<>- ** Sunday School Lesson For Today ** One Sunday after church Mom asked very young daughter what the lesson was about. Daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts." Needless to say, Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming." -<>- ** Men Have PMS Every 28 Days ** Have you ever noticed that about every 28 days or so, your husband begins acting strangely? Does he wear white gloves and carry a banjo? Does he insist on referring to you as "Mr. Bones" and your neighborhood as "Dixie"? Then, my friend, your husband may be suffering from an incurable--but treatable--disease. Do not hesitate. Call your doctor immediately. Pre-Minstrel Syndrome can be treated effectively--ask your doctor. -<>- ** We Know You're a Teacher If... ** (From Andy's Archives) * You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!" * You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as 'the lounge' . * You're sure the lounge should be equipped with a valium salt lick. * You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form. * You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside. * You convinced chocolate is the 5th food group. * When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group. * When out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior. * You think people should be able to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce. * You know you're in for a MAJOR project when a parent says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun!" * You smile weakly, but secretly fantasize about choking a person when they say, "Oh, you must have such fun everyday. It must be like playtime for you." * Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this child like this?" -<>- ** More From Sunday School ** A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... " -<>- ** Who Told You About Us ** Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?" -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' | ! | | | | ! | ** Kids On Marriage ** ** HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY ** You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10 ** WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? ** Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. --Camille, age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. --Freddie, age 6 ** HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? ** You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --Derrick, age 8 ** WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? ** Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8 ** WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? ** Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --Lynnette, age 8 On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10 ** WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? ** I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -Craig, age 9 * WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? ** When they're rich. --Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. --Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. --Howard, age 8 ** IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? ** I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. --Theodore, age 8 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9 ** HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? ** There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --Kelvin, age 8 "And the #1 Favorite is........" ** HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? ** Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. --Ricky, age 10 ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Elephant Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephants.html Elephant Ditties http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eleph.html Angels Are Watching! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html Friends And Health http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html City That Time Forgot http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html Mountain Folk Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/folkart.html Amazing Cop Cars 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Birth Of An Island http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/island.html Bear Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue.html Empire State Building http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/empire.html Bolivia's Road Of Death http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bolivia.html Guoliang Tunnel Road http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnel.html Underwater River In Mexico http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html -<>- >From our Friend LouiseA :) I bet you don't know what the inside of a birdhouse looks like. Watch this funny TV spot from the UK to find out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH5OSU2vEHU&feature=player_embedded This fun site will tell you what happened in the year you were born. You will see the significant historic events, interesting awards such the Nobel Prize and Oscars, the top-selling movie of the year, the best-selling book, and so much more. http://whathappenedinmybirthyear.com/ Has a stranger ever nodded off on your shoulder while on a plane, train or bus? This guy tried sleeping on strangers on the subway as an experiment. You'll never believe the insane reactions he got! What would you do if this guy fell asleep on you? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzQ4FZTmR8s&feature=player_embedded I don’t easily get excited about big trucks but the The Epic Volvo Truck Split performed by Jean-Claude Van Damme is simply awesome! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7FIvfx5J10&feature=player_embedded A film taken from a streetcar traveling down Market Street in San Francisco in 1906, a few days before the earthquake/fire destroyed the area. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHxuUNKWwmY&feature=player_embedded This gave me goose bumps, awesome!.. The loving image of you. This was so beautiful! "A lovely video from a most amazing young girl. The song inspires me and will continue to do so as I listen to it again and again http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=foUrBztgzZA --- ...WOW! Great links! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) I had never seen or known this before! http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?feature=player_embedded&v=sNOsIB5VMSQ --- ...Awww, history! Thanks Geniann! Not your ordinary trapeze act. They're wearing their "church clothes" while doing this! It is really good. Watch her face and make sure she doesn't get too excited. http://tinyurl.com/n5dyqdj --- ...LOL! Pretty talented act! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It turns out that a lot of children could lose their dental insurance under Obamacare. So kids might not be able to go to the dentist. Parents were really upset, while kids said, 'Four more years! Four more years!'" -Jimmy Fallon "According to a study, they found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also found common words used by other people to describe happy people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious..." --Jay Leno "The No. 1 movie right now is 'Thor.' It's all about a guy named Thor who saves the world with his giant hammer. He also has a medium-sized hammer he uses to tenderize veal. And he has a tiny hammer to test your reflexes." -Dave Letterman "Heinz ketchup announced that it will cut more than 1,300 jobs over the next eight months. They say they just don't have a lot of money left in their budget. Then people said, 'Have you tried turning it upside down and letting it sit for a few minutes?'" -Jimmy Fallon "President Obama paid tribute to America's oldest living veteran, 107-year-old Richard Overton. Overton credits his longevity to drinking whiskey and smoking cigars every day. Now there's a health plan we can all get behind." -Jay Leno "It's Sadie Hawkins Day. It is the day a woman can ask a man out for a date or a dance. Don't confuse Sadie Hawkins Day with Stephen Hawkins Day. That is when girls are allowed to ask guys about the basic principles of theoretical physics." -Craig Ferguson "Wal-Mart announced that this Thanksgiving they are opening earlier than they ever have. Because what better way to celebrate the pilgrims' arrival than buying crap from China." -Conan O'Brien "It's a big day if you're into numerology. 11/12/13. A lot of people wanted to be married on 11/12/13. Because who doesn't love getting invited to a wedding on a Tuesday?" -Craig Ferguson "For the first time in 32 years, Butterball is adding male staffers to their Thanksgiving turkey talk line, the phone number you can call if you are having trouble cooking your turkey. One of the guys just yells questions to his wife in the other room." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************