Mowing God's Lawn And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ###### ########## ###### _\_ ##===----[.].] #( , _\ # )\__| \ / `-._``-' ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ >@ | | | | | | | dp/VK | | | *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ *~* HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT LABOR DAY HOLIDAY! >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This scorcher comes from our friend Becky. It is truly amazing what folks will do for the almighty buck. Check it out here... _..._ ,' `. ,' `. ,' _ ,-. `. | (_) `-' | | > | | ,----. | | /,-""-.\ | `. |/ " ,' `. ,' `._____,' Krogg Jobs That Suck! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html --- ...Hilarious! Thanks Becky! ===================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Did You Ever Notice..... ____ ...that the husbands of the ten best- _ .-;\)___\ dressed women are never on the |_| \_/ ,---\ list of the ten best-dressed men? | | / _/ e e \_/ _%&&%%&_ |(` >| ...that health clubs advertising on ___T__\______/__ \| =/ TV never show people who look like '====\\\ ^/====='_/ ,--' they need to be there? `\ \ .'`._ ( \ \ / ``\ ...that the older you get, the better \ \/ / ) ) an athlete you used to be? \`'._/ -'.-'\ \__/ / \-'\______ ...that the phone will not /._'-./ \ ___`'-. ring for the first 15 /` | '-.\ '--`` /-\\\ minutes of the day, unless /` / | ( ) | you are late; if you're / / | \ (-- late, it will ring contin- / '-._ | /'-.'# uously until you arrive? `._ `'-._/ /#__#__# ;";-..__ | | # # ...that a boring person is ; | |``-' |# # never hoarse? / ;\ | |__#__ .' / / / || | ...that the waitress who jgs /' .' | | || | hovered over your table / .' | | || | before you were ready to ,| / \ | || | order is nowhere to be \\\/( (`-/\__ || found when you're ready \__`\ [_--.__\ for the check? ======================================================================= +----------- More Bizarre September Holidays ------------+ September 11 is No News Is Good News Day September 12 is National Pet Memorial Day and National Chocolate Milkshake Day September 13 is Defy Superstition Day September 14 is National Cream-filled Donut Day September 15 is Felt Hat Day September 16 is Stay Away From Seattle Day and Collect Rocks Day September 17 is National Apple Dumpling Day September 18 is National Play-doh Day September 19 is National Butterscotch Pudding Day September 20 is National Punch Day ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend DonnaL :) |><|~|><| /(((9)))\ //) -_- (\\ (((( ._. )))) ))))---(((( ((((`---')))) (___|xXxXx|___) \ | | / / ^ ^ ^ \ / \ (_._._._._._) \ | / ( | ) | | | hjw |-|-| /`-^-'\ (__,^.__) A busy tax accountant had just read a story to his four-year-old daughter as he did every night. She had listened to her father many times and he wondered if his time with her even made any difference at all. Was she really listening even? The little girl was fascinated by the story of Cinderella that night, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she surprises her dad and pipes up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?" --- _{\ _{\{\/}/}/}__ {/{/\}{/{/\}(\}{/\} _ {/{/\}{/{/\}(_)\}{/{/\} _ {\{/(\}\}{/{/\}\}{/){/\}\} /\} {/{/(_)/}{\{/)\}{\(_){/}/}/}/} _{\{/{/{\{/{/(_)/}/}/}{\(/}/}/} {/{/{\{\{\(/}{\{\/}/}{\}(_){\/}\} _{\{/{\{/(_)\}/}{/{/{/\}\})\}{/\} {/{/{\{\(/}{/{\{\{\/})/}{\(_)/}/}\} {\{\/}(_){\{\{\/}/}(_){\/}{\/}/})/} {/{\{\/}{/{\{\{\/}/}{\{\/}/}\}(_) {/{\{\/}{/){\{\{\/}/}{\{\(/}/}\}/} {/{\{\/}(_){\{\{\(/}/}{\(_)/}/}\} {/({/{\{/{\{\/}(_){\/}/}\}/}(\} (_){/{\/}{\{\/}/}{\{\)/}/}(_) {/{/{\{\/}{/{\{\{\(_)/} {/{\{\{\/}/}{\{\\}/} {){/ {\/}{\/} \}\} (_) \.-'.-/ __...--- |'-.-'| --...__ _...--" .-' |'-.-'| ' -. ""--..__ -" ' . . ' |.'-._| ' . . ' jro . '- ' .--' | '-.'| . ' . ' ' .. |'-_.-| . ' . _.-|-._ -|-._ . ' . .' |'- .-| '. ..-' ' . '. `-._.-´ .' ' - . .-' ' '-._______.-' ' . . ~, The ship sank. He was the lone survivor. He swam towards a distant beach. When he arrived there, he crawled up on the shore to rest and count his blessings; that's when he saw the first one, a pecan pie. He then saw a banana split, a cup of vanilla gelatin, chocolate chip cookies, caramel apples and yellow cake. Suddenly he realized--- he must be on a desserted island. --- Everyone is always telling Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes, implying that Cajun's aren't smart. Anybody who would build a city 10 feet below sea level, in a hurricane zone, and fill it with Democrats...is a genius! --- Preparing for a tag sale at our house, my wife and I decided to put out a mirror we'd received as a wedding gift. We were going to buy a smart mirror with the money we made on the yard sale. We knew the person that gave it to us had paid a lot of money for it but because of its garish aqua colored metal frame we just couldn't find a room in our house where it looked good. Shortly after the tag sale started, a man looking to decorate his apartment bought it for one dollar. "This is a great deal," he said excitedly, "It still has the wrappings on it." Then he peeled off the aqua colored protective covering to reveal an absoulutely beautiful gold finished frame that would look fabulous in any home (sigh). --- Just after Christmas I received a rather general thank-you note from my sister for the present I had sent her. However, her next letter in mid-March explained that upon receiving my gift, a well taped box of chocolates, she had immediately put it in the freezer because she had already gained about six pounds that Christmas and wanted to avoid temptation. One day in March, having lost the excess weight and craving a chocolate, she went to the freezer, mouth watering in anticipation, opened the box, and discovered the frozen black sequined evening purse I had given her. --- ' \ , / ' ,___/_\___, ' \ /o o\ / -= > \_/ < =- /_\___/_\ . ` \ / ` . jgs / ` \ . A priest and an astronomer find themselves sitting together on a night flight. After introductions and a long gaze out the window, the astronomer asks the priest, "Can't all religions be summed up by stating the Golden Rule?" The priest pauses a bit and asks the astronomer, "Can't all astronomy be summed up by singing ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’?” --- The following is an excerpt from an actual Children's Essay The writing prompt was: tell a story about a lost puppy. The misspellings give the story another meaning than what was intended. The children involved were from 3rd to 6th Grade: It was recess. All the calm that us kids kept during school was let out with squeals, screams and running wildly about as we went out to the playground. I watched in disgust as Erica took a big bite out of her peanut butter, marshmallow and black olive sandwich. Suddenly I hear a little wine and a big whale coming from behind the slide. We saw a dog that looked Hispanic. He was so dehydrated that he gained five pounds when I spit on him. It was a black and brown pit bull with fluffy white ears. His head was the size of a cauldron. The first word that came to mind was Hydrocephalous. Fear now filled my body as I saw it. It was more horrible than Brussels Sprouts! The next moment it was jumping on us and licking on our feces. He was so excited he jumped up and down and leaked on us. I thought he was going to lick my friend to death but the teacher pulled it off in time. At times we were astounded with amazement. I smuggled the dog into the school. The teacher looked at the dog's foot. It looked as if it were hurt so she banged it up. We took the dog to the vet and we found out the dog had an upper suppository infection. We didn't name the dog because we didn't think it would come when it was called, anyway. After it had grown up we let it go free. And the first out the yard it got a date. One day it got into a fight with another dog that wanted a date. After it was over, the other dog's owner took him to the veterinarian to get a prosthetic ear. --- Hippie still stoned from the 70’s is talking to his lawyer in court: “Whoa, Dude. You mean joint custody is about the kid?” --- Cute Pic -Wedgie http://www.veryfunnypics.com/pics/animals/imagepages/758.htm --- Driving Test http://www.autoinsurance.org/driving_test/ --- . . ) ( _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _(.--.) {{ { { { { { { { { { { ( '_') jgs >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>`--'> Centipede Wins an Award A centipede won an award, surrounded by hundreds of fans. Though his speech only lasted a minute, it took hours to shake all his hands! --- ...LOL! Thanks DonnaL! ================================================================ >-->In The Worldly News :) [POLITICS] >From One Jerusalem: * Tell Hillary to Fire the Imam!: As many One Jerusalem supporters are aware, the US State Department has been funding the Imam of the Ground Zero mosque on his travels in the Middle East. In fact, this Imam is supposedly representing the United states on a... (read more) http://tinyurl.com/2chtsmx * 9-11 Mosque Imam Called For End To Jewish State: We guess the term "moderate" is a relative value judgment. In the debate over the 9-11 Mosque we have heard time and again that the Imam and his wife are "moderate" Muslims. Those who have promulgated this line have not... (read more) http://tinyurl.com/25gu83e >From Patriot News: Unite in Action and Join us in DC http://tinyurl.com/2ayoqjs Obama Hauls Arizona Before The UN. http://tinyurl.com/2clxmab Stimulus Act Cost More Than Iraq War As Obama prepares to tie a bow on U.S. combat operations in Iraq, CBO numbers show that the total cost of the eight-year war was less than the stimulus bill passed by the Democratic-led Congress http://tinyurl.com/26lv4ew Obama's Approval Index Rating at -23; Your 25% Off Coupon Enclosed; http://tinyurl.com/27od7eb The Justice Department Strikes Arizona Again Eric Holder’s Justice Department really seems to believe that its primary responsibility is to help aliens who violate federal law as opposed to tax-paying citizens of the United States. What else can one say about the latest action filed by the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division against Arizona community colleges claiming they violated federal law when they asked noncitizens applying for jobs to produce their green cards? According to news reports, the complaint was filed with the Executive Office for Immigration Review, an administrative office within the Justice Department that handles immigration cases. http://tinyurl.com/2ca68y7 Sheriff: Mexican Cartels Control Parts of Arizona http://tinyurl.com/285yltc -<>- >'Obomination' by emb Pass the bill, we'll read it later. Pass the buck it doesn't matter. It wasn't us that caused the fuss blame it on that nasty Bush. Now if that isn't quite enough, guess how we're gonna get your gruff? Tattle to the United Nations Tell them about the US violations. The Sheriff there that so many like? Well it's him too we're going to fight. No wonder so many say it of this one, 'He is some sort of Obomination!' -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Cat lost during move, found in box spring -------- SURREY, British Columbia - A Canadian woman said her 14- year-old cat, which disappeared during a recent move, turned out to have spent five days hiding inside a box spring. Anne Green said Augustus the ginger tom disappear- ed Aug. 5 while movers were packing up her family's old Edmonton, Alberta, home for a move to Surrey, British Columbia, The Vancouver Sun reported. Green said her family searched their old neighborhood for days and the movers checked the contents of their truck, but there was no sign of the orange cat. Green said she decided to search the truck herself when it arrived in Surrey eight days after it was packed. "Al, the driver, got out of the truck and asked if we'd found him. I said no and asked if I could walk into the van and look for him," she said. "I didn't think it would do any good but I called his name and then I heard this little meow. I shouted 'He's here' and they all came running and we found him in the box spring, which had been completely wrapped in plastic." Green said Augustus has since taken to the box spring as his favorite hiding spot. -- U.K. man made up to $36K per year begging -------- LINCOLN, England - A British man who posed as homeless and earned up to $36,038 per year while collecting government benefits was sentenced to pay a $154 fine. Daniel Terry, 31, who received $123 in weekly government assistance, pleaded guilty to a charge of begging after admitting to using a sleeping bag and a blanket to imply to passersby in Lincoln, England, that he was homeless, the Daily Mail reported. Terry, who was arrested last month during a crackdown on area vagrancy, was found to not be homeless and admitted to police that he collected up to $77 on a weekday and up to $154 per day on weekends. A spokesman for the Tax Payers Alliance called the $154 fine a "disgrace" and described Terry as a "charlatan" who was "earning more money begging than many taxpayers do from honest, hard-work." -<>- >From Archived 7/3/08 CoffeeBreak: Police: Mugger returned to confess A man who punched a woman in the face and stole her car said he returned to the scene of the Miami crime minutes later because he "felt bad," police alleged. Police said Armando Pena, 44, approached Gladys Gonzalez, 60, as she was arriving for work at an apartment complex, The Miami Herald reported Tuesday. Pena punched Gonzalez in the face, knocking her to the ground, and sped off in her white Ford Taurus, police said. The incident was reported by off-duty police officer Omar Grass, who saw the Taurus speed off and tended to the injured woman before paramedics arrived. Police said Pena returned to the scene with the stolen car 12 minutes after the incident and told police he was the one who struck the woman and stole the car. They said he admitted to smoking crack cocaine before the attack and cited "drugs" as the reason for his actions. Pena said he turned himself in because he "felt bad.'' Sept. 11 rescue dog to be cloned A German shepherd that served as a rescue dog in the days following the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks has been chosen for cloning by a Mill Valley, Calif., company. BioArts International said retired Canadian police officer James Symington wrote an essay about his dog, Trakr, that won the company's contest to find the most "clone-worthy dog," the New York Daily News reported Tuesday. Symington and Trakr were among the first search-and-rescue teams to seek out survivors of the Sept. 11 attacks at Ground Zero in New York City. Trakr, 15, now suffers from a degenerative neurological disorder that experts said may be linked to exposure to toxic smoke at the World Trade Center site in Lower Manhattan. "We received many touching submissions to our contest, describing some truly amazing dogs," BioArts chief executive Lou Hawthorne said. "Trakr's story blew us away. His many remarkable capabilities were proven beyond all doubt on our nation's darkest hour -- and we view the work of cloning him as a great honor." Destructive vultures won't leave house Federal wildlife officials said they will consult with a Virginia Beach, Va., man whose home has been targeted by a group of vultures. Will Ciccone said all of his attempts to keep the vultures away from his property have failed and the birds have destroyed three grill covers, a hot tub cover, a pool cover and several chair cushions belonging to his family, The (Norfolk) Virginian-Pilot reported Tuesday. Ciccone said he tried rigging a paintball gun to fire at the birds and he displayed fake owls outside his home, but the vultures quickly adapted to his attempts an continued to congregate in his yard. "If you've got cockroach problems, you kill them. If you've got ant problems, you kill them," he said. "I've got this problem, but I can't do anything about it." State wildlife officials have the authority to ward off the birds using non-lethal means, but Scott Barras, director of the U.S. Department of Agriculture Wildlife Services, said those solutions are often temporary. Only federal officials have the authority to use lethal means to get rid of the birds. Barras said his department plans to meet with the Ciccones and local authorities to find a solution to the vulture problem. ==================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think." -<>- |L ,' ` /.o `, `, |-`, -', ' `,'_) '\ ,' `-`, _`o,- (_)/ '_ ' o `-, / ,-L `-' _`-`_ , `'. ;. (,' `| `.-. \ ,``_' (_) o `' ,` '_ ,|\ o _ \ /..-(_)' |','..-`(_)-` | | -bf- --' `-- I was trying to mow the lawn before my husband got home from work, but our electric lawn mower refused to cooperate. It would run fine for a few seconds, then cut off, run again, cut off. Finally, I gave up and waited for my husband. He had a good laugh when he diagnosed the problem. Instead of plugging in the mower using a three-prong adapter, I had hooked up the cord through the Christmas-tree light blinker. -<>- _A .'`"`'. / , , \ | <\^/> | | < (_) >| /====\ (.--._ _.--.) |\ -`\- /| |(_.- >-.)| \__.-'^'._/ |\ . / _.'\ '----'|'-. _.-' O ;-.__.' \O `o. /o \ \/-.-\/| \ jgs| ;, '.|\| / He was a young Pastor, and as usual, he was running late getting into town.... and he was speeding. Then to top it off, he looked in the review mirror only to see the lights of the Highway Patrol! Already late for church and figuring he'd try for leniency, he quickly slapped his Bible on the dash of his car as the trooper walked up to the window and asked to see his drivers license. Looking at his name and title on the license, the trooper asked, "You're a Reverend huh?" The young Pastor affirmed that. The trooper then began writing out a speeding ticket and said, "Well, Reverend; your speedometer runneth over." As the trooper handed him the ticket and started to walk away, his last comment was, "Oh, by the way.... the Bible on the dash.... nice touch." -<>- One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her. The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?" A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!" -<>- While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear." ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | | |\ x /| | | |/\ x /\| | | | \x/ | | | | V | | /____\ /____\ | | | | / \ / \ | | | | `~~| |~~' |\ /| | \ / | |___V___| | / \ | | / \ | |/ \| / \ / \ ______/ \_______ ============================ Alyssa "I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation." [Borrowed from Reader's Digest.] -<>- In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?" I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'" ================================================================ >-->From The Jokester: ___ //))))) )))@_@) ((( = ) ))) -(_ __ / `-'\\ /,\\\` /__| )y | < \ (\_/ `.\ \ {>>>` | /`-'\____| / c \\ / (C \_ _))\ `-'-._/ \ / /\ \ / ,' `. \ / / \ \ <\_\_ \ \ `---` (_`-\_ `---' hjw >Things That Irritate a Sane Person *You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them..... *The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle..... *The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on..... *There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address..... *You open a can of soup and the lid falls in..... *It's bad enough that you step in dog doo doo, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug..... *The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you..... *There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING... *You can never put anything back in a box the way it came... *Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth..... *You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette..... *You slice your tongue licking an envelope..... *Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading..... *A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio, but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away..... *There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray..... *You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint..... *The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing..... *A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling..... *You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am..... *The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that..... *You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out..... *People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up..... *Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire..... *You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it..... *You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing..... *You had that pen in your hand only a second , a second ago, and now you can't find it..... *You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up..... ======================================================================= >-->From The MouthPiece: Did you swear the witness in Ralf? \ `, ___ # |/ ? Well, he Was swearing... | , )\ / /__/\ \____ ##### ,- / \_/ \ _/_ #### /\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=## ) "\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\- /_ )# \ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ # __)/ [_______________________________] \___/ /) \ | | .'\$/\`-. /|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( ) __;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_ [________________| / ASCII- \ |________________] | | | _ _ART ____. | | | Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | | | RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | | ____| | -_ ,- | |____ | | `-...,-' | | | | | | |_______________|_____________________________|_______________| These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, of what people actually said in court... word for word. They were recorded and now published by court reporters, who had to keep a straight face while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ATTORNEY : When is your birthday? WITNESS : July 18th. ATTORNEY : What year? WITNESS : Every year. ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS : Yes. ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS : I forget. ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of some- thing you forgot? ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you? WITNESS : Forty-five years. ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you? WITNESS : My name is Susan. ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS : We both do. ATTORNEY : Voodoo? WITNESS : We do. ATTORNEY : You do? WITNESS : Yes, voodoo. ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he? WITNESS : Duh, he's twenty-one. ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS : Would you repeat the question? ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th? WITNESS : Yes. ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS : Uh.... ATTORNEY : She had three children, right? WITNESS : Yes. ATTORNEY : How many were boys? WITNESS : None. ATTORNEY : Were there any girls? ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS : By death. ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated? ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual? WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female? ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS : Oral. ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS : Huh? ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. -<>- ________________ | |," `.| | SgH | / SONY \ | | | | | |O _\ /> /_ | ___ _ |_(_)'.____.'(_)_| (")__(") [___|[=]__[=]|___] // \\ >Here are 10 things you may not know about our favorite video game character Mario: - Mario was first seen in the video gamee Donkey Kong, but he was called "Jumpman." He was also a carpenter then, not a plumber. - Mario was named after Mario Segale, thhe landlord of Nintendo of America's office, who barged in on a company meeting demanding an overdue rent. - Shigeru Miyamoto drew Mario as wearingg a cap because he found drawing hair difficult. He also drew in the moustache, because it was easier to see than a mouth in the crude video game screen resolution back then. - Mario and his younger brother Luigi arre known as the "Mario Brothers." This means that Mario's last name is also Mario, so his full name is Mario Mario. - Mario is voice-acted by Charles Martinnet, who crashed the audition for "an Italian plumber from Brooklyn" character. - Mario's nemesis is Wario (a combinatioon of "warui", the Japanese word for bad, and Mario). Similarly, Luigi's rival is Waluigi. Both are also voiced by Charles Martinet. - Mario has appeared in over 200 video ggames so far, has sold over 193 million units of games (all of the Mario series) and even has his own TV cartoon show. Super Mario Bros. 3 alone grossed over $500 million in USA. - TV Schmeve, you're nothing till there''s an opera done on you. In 2003, Jonathan Mann of California Institute of Arts created The Mario Opera, a rock opera. - Super Mario Bros. theme music, writtenn by Koji Kondo, is known worldwide. It has inspired countless fan- renditions, including one played by Zack Kim on two guitars (viewed over 4 million times on YouTube!), played by Jean Baudin on 11 string bass, beatboxed by Greg Patillo on the flute, and played by the Oregon Pro Arte Chamber Orchestra on the trombones. - Mario is the most famous character in the history of video games, and perhaps is the most famous character ever. In a 1990 poll by Marketing Evaluations, Mario was found to be more popular (and recognizable) among children than Mickey Mouse. ================================================================ >-->From SermondFodder: . , * , ` *~.|,~* ' ' ,~*~~* ` _ ,* / \`* ' // ,* ; \,O. // ,(:::)=// ( `~(###) %---'`"y \ / \ / __)(__ hjw '------` >Ice Cream Sundae? Libby said her three year old daughter's restaurant meal came with a sundae. Of course, all daughter knows is "ice cream". When the waitress asked her daughter, "Would you like your ice cream sundae?", daughter replied instantly, "No, thank you, I want it NOW." From Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. ========================================= .--. /-. \ < ^ `D/ \_ ( )_/;. Mowing God's Lawn _ __|_, \\ ,(_I_______)\ //`-----\ \ // \____/\ // / / // _____ / /\ \ .---n-. //'` `\/ / \ \ _____|_"_~_|___// /\ \ \ \ / / \ / \ `\__...--' _\__\ \_/\ \\\\\\\\\\\\'-\__/--===-\__/-'`,,,,,,,,(____\,,,(__/,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, \\\jgs\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ by Bruce Foggerty. I pushed my little plastic mower around the yard of my universe trying to help God mow. God didn't need my help, but he let me tag along anyway and let me feel important. Back and forth I labored in neat little rows wasting the years, oblivious to the absence of any real motor or cutting blade in my toy machine. I made rumbling sounds to heighten the sense of my importance and occasionally emptied my press clippings bag of imaginary accomplishments. Lawn finished, I attacked the hard edges of my life with my imaginary toy weed eater, hacking at perceived problems that had sprouted on my landscape. And, the Great I AM, softly chuckled, when I finally ceased struggling, as at last I realized he had long ago installed astro- turf. Gallatians 2:21 Gallatians 4:7 Gallatians 4:27 Sanctification is a dance, not a duty. From Steve Brown at Key Life Network www.keylife.org ====================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Here's Your Frog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.html Chainsaw Wood Carving http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcarving.htm Strange Hotels http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotel.html Texas Outhouse Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Endangered Wolf http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html Underwater River In Mexico http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html Awesome School http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gschool.html Lest We Forget http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lestweforget.html Lest We Forget 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lestweforget2.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html Creation VS Evolution [Not for the faint of heart] http://www.youtube.com/v/qZU3lCT2eXQ -<>- >From Our Friend HrtOfJoy :) Happy Labor Day http://www.americangreetings.com/ecards/view.pd?i=517441007&m=2014&rr=y&source=ag999 --- ...Thank You! Hrtofjoy! >From Our Friend James :) color-egg-recall-politics-w.jpg http://tinyurl.com/25pnaps --- ...LOL! so True! Thanks James! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Google zeitgeist http://tinyurl.com/4y8gby Denny's Beer Barrel Pub Burger Challenges http://tinyurl.com/6joh8t Game Central - Discovery Channel http://tinyurl.com/2sq5og ThinkGeek :: Stuff for Smart Masses http://www.thinkgeek.com/ --- ...Cool Stuff! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Imaginary Lovers http://www.carolspoetry.com/lover.html Autumn Of Life http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/life.html U.S. DOL - The History of Labor Day http://www.dol.gov/opa/aboutdol/laborday.htm Labor Day Fun Facts, Recipes, Barbecue & Party Ideas http://www.chiff.com/a/labor-day.htm Missing Children by State http://www.fugitivehunter.org/Statemissing.html Check The Amount of Sugar in Foods Via Wesley http://www.sugarstacks.com/ Way Cool Toy http://www.buffaloschips.com/71009.htm Wekker Problem http://www.buffaloschips.com/71010.htm Welcome Home http://www.buffaloschips.com/71601.htm Westfall Horse Video http://www.buffaloschips.com/71602.htm Swallowing http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdsfsd.htm Swimming http://www.buffaloschips.com/gerg.htm szambr http://www.buffaloschips.com/hyth.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: My wife clipped a job listing out of the paper for me. She said it wasn't much to start out... but a huge pay raise. It read, "Salary: 23k to start. 401k after 1 yr." Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, "All those opposed to my plan say, 'I resign.'" End of meeting. "I love those signs along the highway that say, 'Litter Removal Next 2 Miles.' That's when I start chucking my trash out the window." --Scott Wood "The sure way to tell if a man is a bachelor is to check his silverware. If it's chewed up from going through the garbage disposal a few times, he's for real." --Nick Arnette "I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, 'Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?' No. But now my postman does." --Cathy Ladman "Congress is very upset with Roger Clemens because they feel like they were lied to. Good! Now they know how we feel." - Jay Leno When you see someone acting weird, stay away from them. They many not be acting. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************