Murphy's Dictums And More... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
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================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first sizzling hot new page is from our friends Bunni
and LouiseAu. It gives you an amazing tour of a world full
of color that you may never see otherwise. Be sure to check
it out here...
.-""-.
(___/\ \
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`~----"` `-.........'
Underwater Life of Eilat!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underwater.html
---
...Simply dazzling! Thanks Ladies!
Our second hot toddy is from our friend PatDeE. This one
will mesmerize you with the amount of work and dedication
put in to making it a reality. Give it time to load and
check it out here...
.---.
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^^^ ^^^
WWI River Of Blood Tribute!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/riverofblood.html
---
...I couldn't stop thinking - 'WOW!' - Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
*~* We Had A Fabulous Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month!
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Be Sure To Visit And SHARE These With Your Friends and Family:
More Abundant Life!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abundantlife.html
Tianmen Mountain!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tianmenmountain.html
Koala's Up Close!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas3.html
Girl Gets New Ear!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/girlgetsear.html
Humor With Mailboxes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mailboxhumor.html
Got A Nanosecond 6?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano6.html
Random Acts Of Kindness!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/actsofkindness.html
Breathtaking Photos 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/breathtaking2.html
Shopping With Men!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menshopping.html
Animal Family Portraits!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfamilies.html
Endangered Primates!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/primates.html
Kids Being Kids 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids3.html
Tropical Islands Resort!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tropicalislands.html
.-""""--.
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* May God Abundantly Bless All Our Sweet Contributors! *
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
Did you swear the witness
in Ralf?
\ `,
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|/ ?
Well, he Was swearing... | , )\
/ /__/\ \____ #####
,- / \_/ \ _/_ ####
/\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=##
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\ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ #
__)/ [_______________________________] \___/
/) \ | | .'\$/\`-.
/|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( )
__;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_
[________________| / ASCII- \ |________________]
| | | _ _ART ____. | |
| Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | |
| RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | |
____| | -_ ,- | |____
| | `-...,-' | |
| | | |
|_______________|_____________________________|_______________|
/ /
/ / /
/ Taken from original
/ / typing by b'ger
/ and David Palmer's art
The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly
contesting and dismissing potential jurors. John was called
for his question session.
"Property holder?"
"Yes, I am, your honor, for many years."
"Married or single?"
"Married for years, your honor."
"Formed or expressed an opinion?"
"Not in many years, your honor."
-<>-
>Murphy's Dictums
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs lasts, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 Rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone
would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time,
on a hill, in the fog.
7. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
8. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left
by those who got there first.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to
fish, and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
10. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
11. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
12. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands
of 12 people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
May 2 is Baby Day and Brothers and Sisters Day
May 3 is National Teachers Day and World Press Freedom Day
May 4 is Bird Day, Renewal Day and Star Wars Day
May 5 is Cinco de Mayo, National Hoagie Day and Oyster Day
May 6 is Military Spouses Day, National Tourist Appreciation Day,
National Nurses Day, No Diet Day and Space Day.
May 7 is Birth Mother's Day and National Tourism Day
May 8 is Mother's Day, No Socks Day, V-E Day and World Red Cross Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
_ _
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\/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===.
/\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \
^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ )
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(._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_)
(O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \
/ / \ \ ( (_.@._) )
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/. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\
`"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"`
jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_
(___|___) (___|___)
>Second Child
The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after a long and
difficult labor. But it was definitely worth it when our beautiful
little girl emerged, perfect in every way.
Later, in my room, my husband looked at her tenderly, with tears in
his eyes. Then as he glanced up at me, I expected him to utter
something truly poetic. Instead he asked, "What's her name again?"
-<>-
>Funeral Details
During the last days of my mother's life, we discussed many things.
One day I raised the topic of her funeral and memorial service. "Oh,
honey," she responded, "I really don't care about the details."
Later she woke from a nap and grasped my hand, clearly wanting to
share something with me. As I leaned forward, she said urgently:
"Just don't bury me in plaid."
-<>-
>Father's Name?
It was the little girl's first day at school and the teacher was
making out her registration card.
"What is your father's name?
"Daddy," replied the child.
"Yes, I know, but what does your mother call him?"
"Oh, she doesn't call him anything. She likes him!"
-<>-
>Helmsman
A young man wanted to see the world so he signed on to a tramp
steamer to be trained as a helmsman. He mastered the classroom
instruction and then started his practical training at the helm
of the vessel.
In his first lesson, the first mate gave him a heading and he held to
it. Then the mate ordered, "Come starboard."
He left the helm and walked over to his instructor. With an
incredulous look on his face as the helm swung freely, the mate said
politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?"
-<>-
>Rustic Dining Hall
As a trail guide in a national park, Danny ate with the rest of the
seasonal staff in a rustic dining hall, where the food left something
to be desired. When they were finished with their meals, they scraped
the remains into a garbage pail and stacked the plates for the
dishwasher.
One worker, apparently not too happy after his first week on the job,
was ahead of Danny in line. As he slopped an uneaten plate of food
into the garbage, Danny heard him mutter, "Now stay there this time."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
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`-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._)
gpyy
>SMILES
A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered
to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they
finally reached their destination.
The mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you!"
"Anytime," her daughter replied.
As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to
you. I was talking to God."
--------
A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a
farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer,
"How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started
walking again.
After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled
out, "About 20 minutes."
"Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
"Didn't know how fast you could walk."
--------
Mary goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at
the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow
blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a
murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across
it. Mary walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand
your paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.
"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
--------
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she
asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
--------
During court one busy day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note
reading: "Blind on right side, may be falling. Please call someone."
Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before whispering to
the judge that paramedics were on their way. Puzzled, the judge
pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room and
explained, "I was thinking maybe someone from maintenance!"
---------
An old man was a witness in a burglary case in Miami. The defense
lawyer asks Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?"
"Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer
asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw
my client commit this crime?" "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and
your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?"
He quickly replied, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
--------
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he
arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats
are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in
Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a restaurant.
Upon arriving, he ordered a drink and got a mug placed between his
hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of drinks, the blind man asked the bartender where
the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to
the right."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped
over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third
door, which lead to the swimming pool, and he fell into the pool
by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush,
don't flush!"
--------
Michelle bought Obama a parrot for his birthday. She told Biden,
"The bird is so smart, Obama has already taught him to pronounce
over 200 words!"
"Wow, that's pretty impressive," Biden replied, "But, you do realize
that he just says the words, he doesn't really understand what they
mean."
"That's OK," Michelle replied, "Neither does the parrot."
--------
Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody
sneezed.
"Who vas zat!?" shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall
map of Europe. Nobody said anything.
"I see," he said, "I vill haff 10 of you shot. Und maybe zen
you vill tell me who schneezed, ja?" A Gestapo agent took
10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence.
"I vill ask again," yelled Hitler, "who schneezed?" Again, nobody
said anything.
"Very vell," he said, "I vill haff anosser 10 of you shot!" The
Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed
them.
"For ze very last time," screamed Hitler, "who schneezed?"
Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and
said,
"It vas me, my Furhrer. I am ze vun who schneezed."
Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said,
"Gesundheit!
-------
A woman begins to pray, "God, please help me. I've lost my business
and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well.
Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins.
She again prays, "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my
business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
So, once again, she prays, "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've
lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I
don't often ask You for help and I've always been a good servant to
You. Please let me win the lottery just this one time, so I can get
my life back in order."
Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the Heavens open.
She is overwhelmed by the voice of God, Himself.
He says, "My dear child, work with Me on this. Buy a ticket."
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
__ __
,-' `' \ _---``--
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/ / `' \; /`----- )
/ .-/ ,( ), \-. ;
| \( \ / )/;
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\ / `,/ \ _(\__ / \
\ ; \ .' /' `i. / |
| \ _-'( _\__-/ `- |
| ` ,` `_ | BP
>My Friend
My friend we've talked together
For so many happy days
You've given me such joy in life
In so many different ways.
I can count on you to cheer me
When I'm feeling kind of blue
You bring a smile and laughter
With the thoughtful things you do.
Today's the day I tell you
How much you mean to me
You have a place within my heart
And true friends we'll always be.
---
...Beautiful! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
____
.---[[__]]----.
;-------------.| ____
| || .--[[__]]---.
| || ;-----------.|
| || | ||
jgs |_____________|/ | ||
|___________|/
>Thoughts - The Suitcase...
A man died, when he realized it, he saw God coming closer with
a suitcase in his hand.
- God said: Alright son its time to go.
- surprised the man responded: Now? So soon? I had a lot of
plans...
- I'm sorry but its time to go.
- What do you have in that suitcase? the man asked.
- God answered: Your belongings.
- My belongings? you mean my things, my clothes, my money?
- God answered: Those things were not yours they belonged to the
earth.
- Is it my memories? the man asked.
-God answered: those never belonged to you they belonged to Time
- Is it my talents?
- God answered: those were never yours they belonged to the
circumstances.
- Is it my friends and family?
- God answered: I'm sorry they were never yours they belonged to
the path.
- Is it my wife and son?
- God answered: They were never yours they belonged to your heart.
- Is it my body?
- God answered: that was never yours it belonged to the dust.
- Is it my soul?
- God answered: No that is mine.
Full of fear, the man took the suitcase from god and opened it
just to find out the suitcase was empty.
- With a tear coming down his cheek the man said: I never had
anything???
- God answered: that is correct, every moment you lived were only
yours. Life is just a moment. a moment that belongs to you. For
this reason enjoy this time while you have it. Don't let anything
that you think you own stop you from doing so.
-Live Now
-Live your life for Me - that's all that matters.
-Don't forget to be happy.
-Material things and everything else that you fought for stay here.
-YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING
Share this reflection with anyone you love or appreciate.
Enjoy every second you live.
---
...So true! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
It's official, Australian's will drink anything if it has
got alcohol in it.
An Australian brewery is mixing up a unique malted beverage
for an upcoming festival: a beer brewed using yeast from
belly button lint.
The 7 Cent Brewery in Victoria announced that the 2016 Great
Australasian Beer SpecTAPular next month in Melbourne and
Sydney will see the debut of Belly Button Beer, which is
brewed using belly button fluff from brewers.
The most flavorful kind of belly button fluff.
"Perhaps the first beer in the world fermented from yeast
captured from the brewer's belly button fluff; there will
be a little bit of 7 Cent in every glass," the brewery
said in a blog post. "Some say why? We say why not?"
The brewery said the team created several trial batches
using yeast collected from different brewers until they
found the one with "the best character."
"It's perfectly safe. Yeast is yeast -- this beer is no
different to any other beer out there," said Doug Bremner,
co-founder of 7 Cent.
Bremner said the "completely unique yeast strain" gave the
beer a unique flavor, which the brewery said "exhibits
qualities of Belgian beer with the key characteristics
being spiciness, clove and light banana esters."
The team said they were inspired by an Oregon brewery that
created a beer using yeast collected from a brewer's beard.
-<>-
This story turned out pretty much the way everyone expected.
The U.S. Coast Guard retrieved an endurance runner after he
ended his aquatic voyage from South Florida to the Bermuda
Triangle in his "hydro pod" early Sunday.
It was the second failed attempt for Reza Baluchi, an
Iranian-born man who lives in Pompano Beach.
The Coast had warned Baluchi, 44, that he was "not authorized
to depart" on his journey because his vessel and water
conditions were unsafe. The penalty was seven years
confinement and a $40,000 fine.
The bubble has 36 buoyancy balls on each side and Baluchi
was equipped with a life vest containing a water filter,
a GPS tracking device, and shark repellent.
"I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight with the
Coast Guard. I want peace. I'm a lover, not a fighter,"
he said Friday to the South Florida Sun Sentinel. "I want
to find a lawyer to help me."
Bermuda is 965 miles north of St. Thomas, 1,015 miles
northeast of Pompano Beach.
According to his website, Baluchi planned to follow the
3,500-mile Bermuda triangle, which would also take him
to Puerto Rico.
Needless to say, he didn't make it that far.
*-- Florida Man Clings to Hood of Speeding Car --*
KENDALL, Fla. - I'm starting to get used to these stories.
An apparent case of road rage in Florida led to a man
clinging to the hood of a white car as it sped away from
the scene of the argument. Witnesses said the driver of a
black sedan argued with the driver of a white Volkswagen
and ended up jumping on the car's hood in an apparent
attempt to prevent the vehicle from driving away. The
white car's driver had other plans, however, and left the
scene at a high speed with the other motorist clinging
to the hood of the car. It was unclear how far the car
traveled with the man on the hood, but portions of the
incident were recorded on video by witnesses and business
security cameras. "The guy is lucky. I mean, he was still
on top of the car when the driver made a U-turn," Sebastian
Roldan, whose business security cameras captured footage of
the incident, told local news. "That's super dangerous. You
could fall off. It's crazy he was actually able to stay on
the car." The white car eventually came to a stop and the
man got off the hood, apparently uninjured. Police said they
are investigating the incident.
*--- Woman Caught Walking Dog While Driving ---*
STOCKTON, Calif. -- A California woman captured video of
another motorist walking her dog by holding its leash out
of the car while driving down a Stockton road. Amanda
Brajkovich captured video showing part of her confrontation
with a motorist she encountered on a Stockton street
holding onto her dog's leash while the canine was walking
next to the car. The video shows Brajkovich ask the woman
why she's using the unusual dog walking method, and the
driver defends the practice, saying the dog wasn't being
dragged. Brajkovich's video shows the motorist speed up,
forcing the dog to run along beside the car to avoid being
dragged. Phillip Zimmerman, director of Stockton's animal
services department, said he found the video distressing.
"We have a lack of humane education not only for adults
obviously in this case but as children as well." The
Stockton Police Department said officers reviewed the
video and did not believe there was evidence of animal
cruelty, but officials said the motorist would have been
charged with distracted driving if she had been seen by
an officer.
*-- Fishermen Find 60-year-old Six-Pack --*
A trio of friends fishing in a Wisconsin river made perhaps
the most Wisconsin-appropriate catch of all time -- a 60-
year-old six pack of beer. Adam Graves and Christian
Burzynski said they were fishing during the weekend on the
Wolf River in Fremont when their friend Andy dredged up the
six pack of Budweiser cans. "They were empty unfortunately,
I don't know how good they would've tasted anyways,"
Burzynski said. "They would've been cold still, I'm guessing."
The fishermen said they sent pictures of their catch to
Budweiser brewer Anheuser-Busch, which estimated the cans to
be about 60 years old. "We're just really surprised," Graves
said. "It's not every day you find something like that out
on your line. It's just something to tell family and tell
friends." The friends said finding beer in the river is
appropriate for Wisconsin, but Budweiser isn't necessary the
correct brand. "Being from Milwaukee, it's usually Miller for
us," Graves said. "But I guess whenever you can grab a cold
one, you do." A group of divers investigating a 200-year-old
shipwreck in the Baltic Sea in 2010 discovered several sealed
bottles believed to contain the world's oldest drinkable beer.
Experts said the cold temperature and lack of sunlight at
the bottom of the sea prevented the beer from spoiling, and
pressure inside the bottles kept salt water from seeping in
through the corks.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.::\)`:`,
.:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----,
;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`.
;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\
;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\
:;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~
| `____/ ( { ))())) . .`,
____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . |
/ \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .|
| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
| /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. |
| | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .|
| | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| |
|/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . |
| ! | | | | ! |~~~~'
| ! | | | | ! |
Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement
home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said
Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use
the word 'obey' anymore."
"Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little
humor to the occasion."
-<>-
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down
answers to some questions the teacher was asking.
"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you
like to be seen by the opposite sex?"
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next
to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'"
-<>-
My husband and I often spell words so that our small
children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't
realize what a habit this had become until one day when
my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup
aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged
me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked
at my husband and said, "Boy is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "but I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
-<>-
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck
with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a
female pedestrian.
She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention.
She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the
truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb
and stopped.
I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.
"I'm fine," she assured me, "but if that dog hadn't honked..."
-<>-
A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows):
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked
into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give
his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had
seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to
the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his
spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the
harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He
was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.
-<>-
A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built
in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the
receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where
he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.
After several minutes of describing and explaining all about
the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man,
"We need individuals who are totally responsible."
The young man grinned and responded: "Well, I sure qualify.
Everywhere I've worked, when something went wrong, I was
always responsible!"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
At the gas utility where I work, written orders are issued to
change meters when they are older malfunctioning. On the order
sheet is a "remarks" section, where the service representative
notes any problems that prevented the job from being completed.
The most succinct explanation to ever come back was:
|\
\`-. _.._| \
|_,' __`. \
(.\ _/.| _ |
,' __ \ |
,' __/||\ |
(Y8P ,/|||||/ |
`-'_---- /
/`-._.-'/
`-.__.-' jg
"DOG DOES NOT WANT METER TO BE CHANGED."
-------
Two rednecks were struggling with a huge table in a doorway.
They pushed and pulled and upped it and downed it until both
were exhausted.
Between gasps for air, one managed to say, “We better give up
cause we’ll never get this table into the house.”
“Into the house?” screamed the other. “I thought we were moving
it out of the house!”
-------
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.
The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to
desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.
Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application,
the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"
"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.
Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the
square root of 100?"
"Ummm... 10!" the blonde says.
"Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history.
"OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
"Ummm... I don't know," she admits.
"Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come
back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's
the last he'll see of her.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her
if she got the job.
"Not only did I get the job," the blonde says, "but I've already
been assigned to a murder case!"
-------
If Trump wins the election it'll be the first time in history
that a billionaire moved into public housing vacated by a black
family!
-<>-
.----.
| \./''\
\. |\
\\===-_____..'\
/.--. \
| \ .--. |
| _ \|/ )|
`.__`-----._0/.'
(__ . . __)
) ------ (
(_.------._) dlK
| |
>The Fix...
From a senior citizen around 80 yrs. of age.
We aren't useless yet.
There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg, Fl.
Times. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on:
"How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!
Dear Mr. President,
Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will
squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use
the following plan.
You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them $1 million a piece severance for early retirement
with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings -
Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new AMERICAN Car. Forty million cars ordered -
Auto Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed.
It can't get any easier than that!!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay
their taxes.
Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on only
Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be
fixed pronto!
-<>-
| | / /
\ /
\__ ____ /
/ \ / \ |
/| / | \ \
/ |____________/ / | |_____________/////////
< |____________| | |(______________ ()
\ | / () | () | | \\\\\\\\\
\| | __|__ | |
_|___/___ \___ | |
__---- ----__\---\_
/ __ | ______________________
\____-------------______/ \ / \
/ / / / _/ ---| it theemth |
/ \ / / / | i thlighly |
/ $ / / | mithtook |
/ / / | your meaning there, |
| | / | buthtah !!! |
\______________// \______________________/
\________/
unknown
>Groaners...
A blonde assistant to a CEO was asked to plan her boss' meetings
during his East Coast trip. She didn't know what time to book his
meetings on the day of his arrival in New York because she couldn't
figure out what time he would be there.
She decided to call Delta Airlines, since he was traveling with
them, and asked, “Can you tell me how long it will take to fly from
San Francisco to New York City?”
The agent replied, “Just a minute…”
The blonde said “Thank you,” and hung up.
-------
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I
just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked them, I've
roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried
every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender."
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?"
The first replies, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place
at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope
around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny
ring of hair on their heads."
"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies, "No wonder - those are
fryers!"
-------
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were
discussing when life begins.
"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization.
That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."
"I believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth,
because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable
of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."
"You've both got it wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the
children have graduated from college and moved out of the house!"
-<>-
>British Humor
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale
hits the Middle East. Two million Muslims die and over a million
are injured. Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the
governments don't know where to start with providing help to
rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
The USA is sending troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending clothing.
New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the
infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
GREAT BRITAIN, not to be outdone, is sending two million
replacement Muslims.
God Bless GREAT BRITAIN - dang those Brits are smart!!
---
...Teehee! Thanks Geniann!
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
What I've Learned In Life!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/learnedinlife.html
Let's Dance!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html
World Of Peacocks!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html
Amazing Human Progress!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanprogress.html
The City That Time Forgot!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html
Nostalgic Golden Memories 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goldenoldie2.html
Real Story Of The Eagle!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagle.html
Church Mouse Wisdom!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/churchmouse.html
Ironic, Isn't It 2?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony2.html
Spring In The Netherlands!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/netherlands.html
Beautiful Flowers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bflowers.html
Butchart Gardens!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bgardens.html
Montreal Gardens!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montreal.html
Disney Tree Of Life!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneytree.html
Keukenhof Gardens!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kgardens.html
-<>-
>Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :)
Fun Pages
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559
-<>-
>Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
http://tinyurl.com/hpwb4co
-<>-
>From AFA:
Attend the 'National Day of Prayer' event in your community
- details here
http://tinyurl.com/jt62g8d
-<>-
>CBS: Trump can beat Hillary?
http://tinyurl.com/jhst3k9
-<>-
>From The Emergency Email and Wireless Network
Product recall alerts have been issued...
View List of Products
http://www.emergencyemail.org/recalls/
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Dancers - Grins and giggles
https://www.facebook.com/darren.kendrick.18/videos/10153991752484993/
---
...Oh my goodness! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Hollywood is known for putting on a great show, no matter what it
takes. These days, that means pumping up the action with computer
animation, and effects that can only be accomplished by using green
screens. Just how far do film makers go to impress you? Watch this
video to find out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bTMVVjv5zQ0
Some said it was an optical illusion, or just perfect timing when
this woman "disappeared" on camera. But, this is something you have
to see for yourself. Watch this video to see this woman in the
background vanish into thin air.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbnCmRPDx5s&feature=player_embedded
Dogs are smart, sharp, phenomenal pets that never fail to fascinate
us. Not to mention entertain us. Let's face it - just like us, dogs
have their dumb moments too - we often find ourselves laughing when
they stumble over objects, miss a catch, or humiliate themselves
with their lack of physical ability. Luckily , some dog owners
caught these mishaps on video, and they're compiled in the
collection below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kMhw5MFYU0s
---
...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"There is a new trend in U.K. corporate policy where
employees are being given paid time off so that they can
acclimate a new pet to their home. They're calling it
'pawternity' leave. Paid time off for pets should not be
a thing. Here is how that discussion should go: 'Excuse
me, boss, I want to get a new dog, but I need a week off
to bond with the animal.' And your boss goes, 'Oh, OK,
cool. You're fired.'" -James Corden
"A new Swiss airplane called Solar Impulse 2 crossed the
Pacific Ocean this weekend using only solar energy. Said
the pilot right before takeoff, 'Wait, Solar Impulse 2?'"
-Seth Meyers
"A teacher in Arkansas is in trouble for giving alcohol to
underage students. But to be fair, just because you're in
fifth grade in Arkansas, it doesn't necessarily mean you're
under 21." -Conan O'Brien
"A couple in Ohio yesterday ran a half marathon immediately
after getting married at the starting line. Ha, usually
you're married a lot longer than that before you hear a
gunshot." -Seth Meyers
"Today is Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, also
known as No Work Gets Done Day. I wonder if anyone has
ever been fired on 'take your kid to work day.' Just
imagine, 'Ron, will you and your daughter step into my
office please?' That would be a lesson about what it is
like to work." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is
Switzerland. When asked why they're so happy, Swiss people
couldn't answer because their hands were counting money
and their mouths were full of chocolate." -Conan O'Brien
"I want to wish everyone a happy Tax Day. I guess it's only
happy if you get money back. I hate that you have to put
stamps on the envelope to send in. They can't just throw
that in? They charge us $1.41 to have the honor of sending
them half the money we earn this year." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Harriet Tubman will be replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20
bill. It's truly exciting to have a woman on there. Although,
unfortunately, due to the wage gap, it is now worth $17."
-Stephen Colbert
"Today is Earth Day. Environmentalists spent the day drawing
attention to the Earth, while the Earth just spent the day
checking Facebook to see which planets wished it a happy
Earth Day." -Jimmy Fallon
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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