Natural Born Citizens Beware And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ _.._ .-' `-. : ; ; ,_ _, ; : \{" "}/ : ,'.'"=..=''.'. ; / \ / \ ; .' ; '.__.' ; '. .-' .' '. '-. .' ; ; '. / / \ \ ; ; ; ; ; `-._ _.-' ; ; ""--. .--"" ; '. _ ; ; _ .' {""..' '._.-. .-._.' '..""} \ ; ; / : : : : : :.__.: : \ /"-..-"\ / fsc '-.__.' '.__.-' *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This is an adorable hottie from our friend Viv. These little ones ars so cute! Chcek it out here... _)) > *\ _~ `;'\\__-' \_ | ) _ \ \ ejm97 / / `` w w w w Nigerian Dwarf Goat http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goat.html Here is the second half of the amazing one Johanna had sent us. Her forward was actually two in one! Check out this deadly road! ... ;::::; ;::::; :; ;:::::' :; ;:::::; ;. ,:::::' ; OOO\ ::::::; ; OOOOO\ ;:::::; ; OOOOOOOO ,;::::::; ;' / OOOOOOO ;:::::::::`. ,,,;. / / DOOOOOO .';:::::::::::::::::;, / / DOOOO ,::::::;::::::;;;;::::;, / / DOOO ;`::::::`'::::::;;;::::: ,#/ / DOOO :`:::::::`;::::::;;::: ;::# / DOOO ::`:::::::`;:::::::: ;::::# / DOO `:`:::::::`;:::::: ;::::::#/ DOO :::`:::::::`;; ;:::::::::## OO ::::`:::::::`;::::::::;:::# OO `:::::`::::::::::::;'`:;::# O `:::::`::::::::;' / / `:# ::::::`:::::;' / / `# unknown Bolivia's Road Of Death http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bolivia.html --- ...Thank You Johanna. A Surprising one! Here is the other half of this amazing one from Johanna... ....... .-'''L | J'''-. .'\ | | | /'. .' \ J | F / '. .'. \ L | J / .'. / '. \ | | | / .' \ +-. '. \ J | F / .' .-+ J '-. '. \ .L.|.J. / .' .-' L L__ '-. '.JHHHHHHHHHh.' .-' __J J ""-__ '-.HHHHHHHHHHHHH.-' __-"" L | ""--|HHHHHHHHHHHHH|--"" | |------------HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH------------| | __--|HHHHHHHHHHHHH|--__ | J __-"" .-'HHHHHHHHHHHHH'-. ""-__ F L"" .-' .TYHHHHHHHHHP'. '-. ""J J .-' .' / 'L'T'J' \ '. '-. F +-' .' / J | L \ '. '-+ \ .' / | | | \ '. / '.' / L | J \ '.' '. / J | L \ .' './ | | | \.' '-...L | J...-' ''''''' Guoliang Tunnel Road http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnel.html --- ...Wow! What An awesome road! Reminds me of my childhood visit to the bad lands. Adventurist feelings! Thanks Johanna! ================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: A man answers the phone and has the following || conversation: || || || "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Nancy || has been most difficult - I know I ought _______|| to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, /` `\ you know how she is." | .-"""-. | | / .:::. \ | "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember | \ ':::' / | you told me that she was a vile creature | '-----' | who would make my life miserable and you | .-"""""-. | begged me not to marry her." | |_______| | | [_][_][_] | "You were perfectly right. You want to | [_] [] [] | speak with her? All right." | [1][2][3] | | [4][5][6] | He looks up from the telephone and calls | [7][8][9] | to his wife in the next room, "Nancy, your | [*][0][#] | mother wants to talk to you!" | ... | jgs\ ':::' / `"""""""""` =================================================================== +------------ Even More Bizarre May Holidays -------------+ May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day May 12 is Limerick Day May 13 is Leprechaun Day May 14 is National Dance Like A Chicken Day May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day May 16 is Wear Purple For Peace Day May 17 is Pack Rat Day May 18 is International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day May 19 is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day May 21 is National Memo Day & National Waitresses/Waiters Day May 22 is Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day May 23 is Penny Day May 24 is National Escargot Day May 25 is National Tap Dance Day May 26 is Grey Day May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival May 28 is National Hamburger Day May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day May 31 is National Macaroon Day ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >Important-Job- Announcement The Kingdom of GOD is hiring! Are you ready to apply? Do you qualify? JOB TITLE: Disciples for CHRIST JOB DESCRIPTION: Tell the dying world how to live through JESUS CHRIST NUMBER OF AVAILABLE POSITIONS: Unlimited; Everyone is welcome-- Preachers, Teachers, Singers, Musicians, Missionaries, Custodians, Food servers, And numerous others that we just can't list them all here EXCEPTION TO AVAILABLE POSITIONS: The Vacancy of Boss, has already been filled by the HOLY GHOST QUALIFICATIONS: Must have previously sinned, and been blood washed; Must be willing to press toward the mark of the high calling in CHRIST JESUS EXPERIENCE NEEDED: None necessary; Experience will be earned through ~ `on-the-job`~ training EDUCATION: The Holy Ghost will teach you all things BENEFIT PACKAGE/SALARY: GOD, THE FATHER, (the employer), shall supply all your needs according to HIS riches in glory by HIS SON, JESUS INSURANCE: Access to the Master Physician, PACKAGE ALSO INCLUDES: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Lawyer, Comforter, And a Wonderful Counselor RECOMPENSE FOR COMPLETING THE JOB ASSIGNMENTS: The most important benefit of all, `ETERNAL LIFE` with the Employer ~GOD ALMIGTY`~ DEADLINE FOR APPLICATIONS: Before the return of The FATHER`S SON, JESUS CHRIST; NOTE: (Date/hour not known. Wise to apply ~~TODAY)!! IMPORTANT WARNING: Satan and his demons need not apply. Now or Ever!! A~Messenger~\o/~~~John-Paul ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ps: Today, let there be --The Peace Of GOD, within you. May you trust GOD that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Remember this, Friends may be quiet angels who lift you to your feet, when your wings have trouble remembering how to fly." --- ...Actually, it is a REALLY Great Job! The best the world doesn't have to offer! Thanks John-Paul! ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) . . * . . . . * . . . . . . * . . . . * . . * . . . * . . * . . . * . . . . * . . . . . * . . . .-o--. . * . . . . . . . . * * . :O o O : . . ____ * . . . . . . . . : O. Oo; . . `. ````.---...___ . * . . . * . `-.O-' . * . . \_ ; \`.-'```--..__. . . * . . . . . ,'_,-' _,-' ``--._ . * . . . . * . . . -' ,-' `-._ * . . * . . . ,-' _,-._ ,`-. . . . . . * . . '--. _ _.._`-. `-._ | `_ . * . . . . . . ; ,' ' _ `._`._ `. `,-'' `-. . . . . . . ,-' \ `;. `. ;` `._ _/\___ `. . * . . * \ \ , `-' ) `':_ ; \ `. . * . . . * \ _; ` ,; __; `. . . . . . '-.; __, ` _,-'-.--''' \-: `. * . . . * . )`-..---' `---'' \ `. . . . . . . . .' `. `. ` . * . . . / `. `. ` * . . / `. `. ' . . * / `. `. _'. . . . . | `._\-' ' . . . | `.__, \ * . . *. . | \ \. . . | \ \ . * jrei * >God's Grace Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of it. --- ...Amen! Thanks Wesley! -<>- When I Asked God for Strength He Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face When I Asked God for Brain & Brawn He Gave Me Puzzles in Life to Solve When I Asked God for Happiness He Showed Me Some Unhappy People When I Asked God for Wealth He Showed Me How to Work Hard When I Asked God for Favors He Showed Me Opportunities to Work Hard When I Asked God for Peace He Showed Me How to Help Others God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted He Gave Me Everything I Needed --- ...Father knows Best - Always! Thanks Wesley! -<>- __ __ /| `-' |\ /_| o.o |_\ | o`o'o | | o^o | |_______| >T-Shirt Slogans ... "I childproofed my house, but they still get in." "On the front - 60 is not old. On the back - If you're a tree." "My reality check just bounced." "I'm not 50. I'm $49.95 plus tax." "Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car." "I'm not a snob. I'm just better than you are." "It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans." "Keep staring....I may do a trick." "We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic." "My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and it's gone." "Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate." "Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture." "Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral." "In God we trust. All others we polygraph." --- ...HaHa! I like that last one best! Thanks Wesley! -<>- ________________ ||====\\__//====|| |j___ `--' ___|j Need a BIG T-SHIRT! | | | | hjw |________| >Big Words In the ascertainment of an excogitation of linguistic proclivity, one might ascribe to the mentation that a phratry exists in which some encyclopedists designedly cultivate a nonplussed ambience hypothecated to befuddle the vox populi. TRANSLATION: Judging from the words some people use, you'd think they purposely write to confuse the average person. --- ...Yeah - what you said! Thanks Wesley! I spell check everything and still get it wrong - perhaps my spell checker needs help too! It didn't recognize any of these ... excogitation mentation phratry encyclopedists designedly nonplussed ambience vox populi ...Oh yeah, like I am going to look them up! NOT! LOL! -<>- . .. __..---/______//-----. (( ) .".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! )) (.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= ) *--* *--* jnh The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" "I recognized the laugh!" --- ...LOL! Yeah! A Good One! Thanks Welsey! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Del :) ,~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. ;::::::::::::::::::: {::}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{::} {::} ,'`. {::} {:} __ {:} {:} _-~ ~-_ {:} {:} {:} {:.------. .------.:} ,-/| ;<' |=~~=| `>: |\-. | | ( c) | | (c ) | | \ | `' | | `' | / / `------'/ \`------' \ | / \ | | (*_ _*) | \ __-' `' `-__ / | | | ,'~~-~~`. | | (#########) | | \ \#-~~~-#/ / | \ / ` -_ -______- _- ' | | FRM >Natural Born Citizens Beware! In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?" Yep, these are the same kind of 18-year-olds that just voted in our last election! They breed and they walk Among US ... --- ...LOL! A good one! Thanks Del! ===================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News :) [POLITICS] >From Manhattan Declaration: To signers: Newsletter http://tinyurl.com/2bjcfps -<>- >From Newsmax: http://news.newsmax.com/?ZK46XYdV-50P5BM87gTknQYKz3lktfRAZ US Fails to Thwart Iran’s ‘Serious Threat’ to Women’s Rights -<>- >From Patriot Update: ObamaCare, Repeal it, or Be Forced to Pay for It http://tinyurl.com/23bl6pc http://tinyurl.com/236o8y4 Illegal Immigration Ruined The White House -<>- >From Liberty Counsel: Right now, the Obama Administration and 111th Congress are obsessed with ramming through unpopular, controversial bills like the Financial Reform Act, Cap and Trade, Immigration Reform, an FCC takeover of the Internet, plus enacting repeals of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and the "Defense of Marriage Act." Pushing the "Employment Non-Discrimination Act" (ENDA) and getting extremist judges approved at all levels of the judiciary are also high on the Administration's pre-November wish list. Meanwhile, there are disasters unfolding in the Gulf of Mexico, Tennessee and Kentucky - all on the heels of an onslaught of tornadoes in Arkansas and flooding in the northeast. Americans are facing unbelievable catastrophes in our own back yard plus a disastrous ten percent unemployment rate...and yet, where is the government's focus? On passing their socialist "reform" agenda! The plain fact is that our government's priorities are grossly misplaced. Wall Street Journal columnist Fred Barnes hit the nail squarely on the head with this recent comment: "The White House wants to pass as much legislation as possible before losing its big majorities [in Congress], no matter how unpopular its proposals are." Mr. Barnes and I are in total agreement as to why, as he says, "Washington has never been held in lower esteem by Americans than it is today." ++Enough is Enough! We are CALLING OUT the Obama administration and the 111th Congress! Right now, it is imperative that we rally 100,000 people to sign our strongly worded "Don't Tread on Me" petition to Congress, the Obama administration and the media. We know their objective. We learned from ObamaCare that this power-grabbing administration will stoop to any means in order to pass their ultraliberal legislative agenda. I want to deliver those 100,000 "Don't Tread on Me" statements as soon as possible to the White House and the liberal leaders in Congress, but I continue to need your help. I urge you to stand against the Obama/Redid/Pelosi axis of power and join us in signing our "Don't Tread on Me" petition. Here is the link to the petition: http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?u=27707&PID=24464743 ++Get your complimentary "Don't Tread on Me" sticker. Thank you and God bless America! Mathew Staver, Founder and Chairman Liberty Counsel -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Workers dig pool in wrong yard ------------- BRISBANE, Australia - An Australian homeowner said workmen mistakenly began digging a swimming pool in his garden and fled once they discovered the $17,700 mistake. Peter Collard of Brisbane, who is trying to sell the house, said he received a call from his real estate agent saying he should rush home because two men were digging in his yard, The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. "The first I heard of it was when my agent rang me and said: 'There's someone digging your yard up. You'd better rush home,'" Collard said. "I rushed home to find this huge mess and about $20,000 (U.S. $17,700) worth of damage." "These guys obviously knew there was something up and took off," he said. Susan Grantham of Queensland state police said the men loaded their backhoe onto a dump truck and left the scene without explanation. "They just picked everything up and were gone," she said. Collard said his insurance is not covering the damage and appealed to neighbors to come forward if they recently arranged to have a pool dug in their yards. -- Police seek drag-dressing car thief ----------- WAUWATOSA, Wis. - Wisconsin police said they are searching for a suspected car thief who led police on multiple high speed chases while dressed in drag. Wauwatosa police said a motorcycle officer pulled over a speeding vehicle Friday and asked the driver, a man dressed in women's clothing and makeup, for identification, WauwatosaNOW.com reported Thursday. The officer said the driver, who seemed nervous, did not have identification and sped off when asked who owned the car. Police said the officer chased the car for about a minute, but stopped for the safety of other motorists when the man sped to speeds of 100 mph. Investi- gators said they ran the license plate and found the car had been stolen two weeks earlier in Brookfield, Wis. Brookfield police said the suspect, a 20-year-old Milwaukee man, has been linked to several car thefts and ensuing high speed chases. They said the suspect always wears women's clothing and makeup. -- 90-year-old attends her first dance ---------- KANSAS CITY, Mo. - A Missouri teenager said he took his 90-year-old great-grandmother to his school prom to help her fulfill a lifelong wish. Hasselteen Rumba, 90, said she was encouraged to make a bucket list of new exper- iences she wanted to try by Independence Care Center Manor activities director Tracy Bunch, who was inspired by the movie "The Bucket List," WDAF-TV, Kansas City, Mo., report- ed Monday. Great-grandson Ron Blalock said he decided to help Rumba after learning that attending a dance was on her list. "She never went to a prom and I figured I'm having a prom so she should come with me and enjoy her- self," Blalock said. Rumba said she wasn't allowed to attend dances as a teenager. "Well about 60 years ago my folks was real strict," Rumba said. "They said oh no you're not going to a dance. I couldn't do that." Rumba and Blalock attended the Fort Osage Prom together Saturday in Kansas City. The 90-year-old, who already crossed off attending a concert and meeting Reba McEntire, said she has not yet decided what will be next on her bucket list. -- Computer addicted teen put in state care -------- OLOFSTROM, Sweden - A Swedish teenager who missed school for three years because of his computer addiction has been placed in state custody, officials said. The 16-year- old from southern Sweden allegedly threatened suicide if he were to be moved from his home and his hours on his computer reduced, The Local reported Tuesday. Vaxjo administrative court said it was invoking the Involuntary Treatment Act because the boy has missed school since the spring of 2007 and was at significant risk of damage to his health. The court ordered a psychological evaluation to establish how the boy could be helped to handle every- day life. The boy's behavior had become increasingly disruptive, said a social worker in Olofstrom assigned to support the boy's parents in raising him. The teen had resisted home schooling but expressed an interest in completing school in order to become a computer programmer, authorities said. ============================================================ __ HH HH BBB HH ,z. === .___. HH %%%% .o. ,zZZZ> BBB | | HH 838 \\\\ EEE AAAAA ,0X0' ,zZZZ" BBB |<<<| HH 838 %%%% EEE ## DDDDD ,0X0' ,zZZZ" BBB | E | HH 838 %GR% +++ ## AAAAA ,0X0' ,zZZZ" BBB | M | HH 838 %%%% EEE ## <> ,0X0' ,zZZZ" BBB | C | HH 838 %%%% EEE ## AAAAA ,0X0',zZZZ"HH$HHHHHHHDDHH$HH === |<<<| HH 838 //// EEE ## AAAAA.0X0;zZZZ" EE$EEEEEEEDDEE$EE BBB |___| HH 838 %%%% EEE ## AAAAA'"0' "Z" HH$HHHHHHHDDHH$HH Evan M Corcoran >-->My kind of book - from Lisa Gardner: My latest novel, Live to Tell, will be available July 13 from Bantam Books. Boston Detective D.D. Warren returns in one of my most personal novels to date, loosely based on the night a friends' seven-year old son tried to kill them. By the time my friend's son was three, she and her husband feared him. A sweet, charming child, he also suffered sudden, violent mood swings. As middle-class well-educated parents, they sought out the best specialists and treatment options. They hoped for a magic cure. What they got was a child who believed a phantom was ordering him to kill. What's it like to be that child? The guilt that follows each violent outburst, the desperate desire to control your own chaotic thoughts, the lingering wish you could just be "normal." What's it like to be that mother? Fighting to save your child from mental illness, while also having to consider your safety and the safety of your other children? And what's it like to be the lead detective, investigating a series of family annihilations? Each appears to connect back to a locked-down pediatric psych ward, and a haunted nurse who twenty-five years ago was the only member of her murdered family who lived to tell. Detective D.D. Warren. July 13. Live to Tell. http://lisagardner.com/ ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) >Trap The Cat... _ ___ _.--. \`.|\..----...-'` `-._.-'_.-'` / ' ` , __.--' )/' _/ \ `-_, / `-'" `"\_ ,_.-;_.-\_ ', fsc/as _.-'_./ {_.' ; / {_.-``-' {_/ Circle the Cat http://www.members.shaw.ca/gf3/circle-the-cat.html --- ...Man - a tuff one! Thanks Sandi! -<>- >1st Lady (!) slip of the tongue : /MMMM=M\ MMMMMMMM \MM"MMMMM/ VMMMM IMMM/ \MMM M=" Say What!!!!!!!!!!! Get ready... you ain't gonna believe this one! I'm sure they will come up with some story line about how she didn't really mean what she just said... but just in case... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M7Rp_Ghv6k --- ...Thanks Sandi - this is part of why 'the birthers' still exist. -<>- >New aspirin tax. It appears that Obama is going to impose a 40% tax on aspirin, just because it's white and it works!!! --- ...Yeah, but he's not racist! HaHa! Thanks Sandi! -<>- _ _.;_'-._ {`--.-'_,} {; \,__.-'/} {.'-`._;-'; `'--._.-' .-\\,-"-. `- \( '-. \ \;---,/ .-""-;\ / .-' )\ \,---'` \\ jgs \| >Rose buds... A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate... The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets. --- ...Awww, the wisdom of elders - don't mess with grandma! Thanks Sandi! -<>- ___________________ | | | | | | | | | | | | |.________|________.| | | | | | /@ | | @|@` | | __\|/__ | __|_______\_____/_____|_ | \_____________________/ |\ \ ||\ \ .__. || \ \ \ = \ . ~ ~ . || |\ \ \ \` ~ ' ~ ~` || ||\ \ \ = \~ ~ ~' -( ____ || || \ \ \ \~ ! . /= / || || \ \ _____ \ = \`:~; /= =/ || || ||\ .\===/ \ \--.=-. /_,_/ || || || \ | | \ = \ ) /"/ || || || \| | \ \ \__/ / @\`@ ~\@/ %| |____________\== \__._/__. ,_______________ @~ \%\|/@*/~@~| \___________\ \ % \|/ %|*/~@~\@| // \\ \ , @~ \%\/|@*/~/@*| .//________\\ \ \ @ \/ @<|/@<*`\@| // \\ \ \ `@*,\^@|/^@/| | .`'// \\. \ \ www @ *| www| |Pru `-._`------------''''.) \. ____________________________```-------'''----'|\__+________ ___________________________________________________________ >More Senior moments... ..........TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!! An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Dis regard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.' ...........TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!! Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.' ...........TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!! "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!' Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I.. Let's have a beer..' ...........TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!! Now this one is just too Precious...LOL! Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.. Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?' ...........TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!! As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!' ...........TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!! Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minu tes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!' Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US! --- ...Well if it does, we'll never know! HaHa Thanks Sandi! -<>- _.-""} / "" ; .-"` __] ', ___ I_ ""__.`-,; | | I_.,-"ii"{ !___! | || || | , | | | || || | .; | | | || || | | \ | | | || || | | | | | | || || | | | | | __ | || || | | | | | | | | || || | ;| | | | | | | | || || |"\_/`,_| | | | | | ___.--""`\ | || || | | |\.| |=,| |"" `, | || || | | | | | | |____________.-+.__ _:_!|_,'!__! | | | |_,! ! __,I `"| : | `-""`,.!__!-,!_!_ '--'`,_,--""" | | ;___ `"-.-' `,_.-'" _..-' `-._ | """--,,_ |`""-.--'| __.--"" `"--..__ ""--.| | |_,_ _.-' ""--.._ `-,__!_.-' _,"" fsc ""--,____.--'" >Bad Day? Walk in their shoes... Are you having a bad day? Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of a forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A postmortem revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific; the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. ---------------------------------------- Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. But keep reading.... Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdes oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both. --------------------------------------- Still think you're having a bad day? A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman. ----------------------------------------- STILL think you' re having a bad day? Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death. ----------------------------------------- What?! STILL having a bad day?? Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'return to sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now...feeling better? --- ...LOL! Why Yes! Thanks Sandi! ===================================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| / ( > | ( ) ._ / ) _/-.__.'`\ ( .-'`-. \__ ) `/ `-./ `. | \ \ \ jgs | \ \ \ \ |\ `. / / \ >BEING A MOTHER . . . We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts. My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God. That of being a Mother. ~ Author Unknown Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be moms, and with those who have known a mother's love! -<>- Bob Hope once said, "Today my heart beat 103,369 times, my blood traveled 168 million miles, I breathed 23,400 times, I inhaled 438 cubic feet of air, I ate 3 pounds of food, drank 2.9 pounds of liquid, I perspired 1.43 pints, I gave off 85.3 degrees of heat, I generated 450 tons of energy, I spoke 4,800 words, I moved 750 major muscles, my nails grew .01714 inches, and I exercised 7 million brain cells. Gee, but I'm tired." -<>- We visited our newly married daughter, who was preparing her first Thanksgiving dinner. I noticed the turkey thawing in the kitchen sink with a dish drainer inverted over the bird. I asked why a drainer covered the turkey. Our daughter turned to my wife and said, "Mom, you always did it that way." "Yes," my wife replied, "but you don't have a cat!" -<>- __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man in a black ski mask come hurling headfirst through the window. "What on earth are you up to? What happened?!" he demanded. "I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of the brick." -<>- A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section. Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open. "Where are the tortoises?" he asked. "I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!" -<>- __ (`/\ `=\/\ __...--~~~~~-._ _.-~~~~~--...__ `=\/\ \ / \\ `=\/ V \\ //_\___--~~~~~~-._ | _.-~~~~~~--...__\\ // ) (..----~~~~._\ | /_.~~~~----.....__\\ ===( INK )==========\\|//==================== __ejm\___/________dwb`---`____________________________________________ >Rules of English Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English: 1) Always avoid alliteration. 2) Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3) Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat). 4) Employ the vernacular. 5) Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 6) Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 7) It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 8) Contractions aren't necessary. 9) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 10) One should never generalise. 11) Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 12) Comparisons are as bad as clichés. 13) Don't be redundant. Don't use more words than necessary. It's highly superfluous. 14) Profanity sucks. 15) Be more or less specific. 16) Understatement is always best. 17) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 18) One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19) Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20) The passive voice is to be avoided. 21) Who needs rhetorical questions? -<>- __ _-==-=_,-. /--`' \_@-@.--< `--'\ \ <___/. The wonderful thing about Tiggers, \ \\ " / is Tiggers are wonderful things. >=\\_/`< Their tops are made out of rubber, ____ /= | \_/ their bottoms are made out of springs. _' `\ _/=== \__/ They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, `___/ //\./=/~\====\ Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. \ // / | ===: But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is, | ._/_,__|_ ==: __ I'm the only one. \/ \\ \\`--| / \\ | _ \\: /==:-\ `.__' `-____/ |--|==: \ \ ===\ :==:`-' _> \ ===\ /==/ /==\ | ===\__/--/ <=== \ / ====\ \\/ _`-- \/ === \/--' | \ ==== | -`------/`--' / \___-' unknown >~ "At Least One Friend" ~ An old man turned to me and asked, "How many friends have you?" "Why, ten or twenty friends have I," And I named off just a few. He smiled a knowing smile at me And sadly shook his head. "How lucky you must be To have so many friends," he said. "But think of what you're saying. There's so much that you don't know! A friend is just not someone To whom you say "Hello"!" "A friend's a tender shoulder On which to softly cry, A well to pour your troubles down And raise your spirits high. A friend's a hand to pull you up From darkness and despair, When all your other so-called "friends" Have helped to put you there! A true friend is an ally Who can't be moved or bought, A voice to keep your name alive When others have forgot. But most of all a friend's a heart, A strong and sturdy wall, For from the hearts of friends there comes The greatest love of all! So think of what I've spoken, For every word is true. And answer once again, my child, How many friends have you?" And then he stood and faced me, Awaiting my reply. I smiled at him and answered, "At least ONE friend have I!" Thanks for being MY FRIEND! -<>- >Menbashing!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. -------------------- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you." -<>- >Money to a Bum A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'" -<>- >Psychological Profile The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "He's probably a basketball coach?" -<>- An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "I've just discovered the 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. The curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?" "Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'." -<>- >Christian Coffee House Those of us involved in ministry sometimes tend to complicate things. The following request was posted to the Church Growth Ideas list churchgrowthideas, a discussion group for pastors and church leaders. "I am a Youth Pastor interested in starting a Coffee House away from the Church, and need some suggestions on how to get a coffee house started. If anyone has any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. A quick thinking member of the group responded: "1. Rent a building. 2. Serve coffee. " -<>- _____________ | | \ | PAMPA | | | * | | | | |__ | | __ \______ | |/ \_____ |_________________ | O \___________________/ \ | \\*****; \ \ | \\***********; \ \ ____________| \\************;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; \ \ /____________| \\***** ***; ; | | \ \\*** *; ; \ \ | \\*** * ***;________________; | | \_ \\*** ****;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; | | |_ \\***********;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _|_| | \\*.***;*****;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _/_/ \ \\ ******;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; _/_/ \ ____ \\ ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; / |_/__/ \ \\ / / \ \\ / / \ \\ _ /_/ \ \\ / / \ \\ _ / / \ | | \ / / | / / \ / / | \ \ \ | | \_ | | \_ | | \__|/ From: Arty Dewey (Forwarded from our TX State Coordinator) >TEXAS PRIDE A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban". The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them." Thank you, Steven Spencer Helping Our Own Texas State Coordinator and Lieutenant/Mechanic of Chireno VFD -<>- .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Seasoned Citizens At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another. "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. "My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was a short moment of silence. "Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully, __ _ / l \~-_ ,----~~~~--+-----`--~----____ "Thank God we can all still drive." @ /~_~\ | ~ | /~_~\~~~-, \_ ( (_) ) \_______| ( (_) )_-~ ~~\___/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\___/~ John Punshon -<>- .---._ _.-'"""'-._ _.---. :.---._`.: .- -. ;.'_.---.; : ' `.': .`.' ` ; `....-':'::. 0 0 .' :;`-....' :.:'_:---:_`::; .--._ `:_( )_:' _.--. .----. ``-.' \ / `.-'' .----. : : .---'': `-.-' :--''''-. : : ___: :____.--''`. : .'``--._____: :_____ : :_.'| ' | `''"'|"'' | ` `._; : ____`-'____|_______|_______|_______|_______|___`-'______ | | | | | | | ______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|___ | | | | | | | _|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|________ jgs | | | | | | | ____|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_____ >Hug If I could catch a rainbow I would do it Just for you And share with you Its beauty On the days You're feeling blue If I could build a mountain You could call Your very own A place to find serenity A place to be alone If I could Take your troubles I would toss them In the sea But all these things I'm finding Are impossible for me I cannot build a mountain Or catch a rainbow fair But let me be What I know best A friend That's always there This is a Hug Certificate!! Send One to All of Your Friends You Think Deserve A Hug. Send This to Your Friends! ================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Scotch Tape Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tapeart.html Real Fantasy Trees http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html Awesome Tree Houses http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html Cats And Birds Together http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catsandbirds.html Giant Catfish http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giantcfish.html One Of Those Days! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html Wild Bear Release http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrelease.html -<>- >From Linky And Dinky: CONAN GOES to GOOGLE, and IT WAS HI-LARIOUS! Conan O'Brien gave a 48 minute command performance for Google employees. VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7TwqpWiY5s mp3 AUDIO of the show for iPod: http://www.linkydinky.com/daily/ConanAtGoogle.mp3 -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) U3-X Personal Mobility Prototype http://tinyurl.com/25bjefu Free Resume Templates http://tinyurl.com/3l56kt Three finger salute (ctrl - alt - delete ) Gates made it famous ! http://tinyurl.com/26lfmc2 Joey Green's Wacky Uses http://www.wackyuses.com/uses.html --- ...Great as always! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Bowling Bloopers http://www.buffaloschips.com/9267.htm Boy & Labrador http://www.buffaloschips.com/9268.htm Brass Pole http://www.buffaloschips.com/9269.htm Bud Light Wheel http://www.buffaloschips.com/92610.htm Brownie http://www.buffaloschips.com/92699.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "There's a doctor in Britain who lets his patients watch their favorite DVD during surgery to distract them, and avoid the need for general anesthesia. Here's how it works: it doesn't." - Jimmy Fallon "You can't deny laughter. When it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants." - Stephen King "Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde "Food addicts are the people I feel sorriest for because that's really hard. You need to eat. You don't need to do drugs. Very hard for these people to quit. "I'm going cold turkey... mmmmm turkey. Do not think about food... do not think about food... do not... nuts..." -Craig Ferguson "According to a survey by nationwide mutual insurance, 2 percent of people actually shave while they're driving. They shave! How many guys would like to be in the car with those women?" --Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************