Naughty Or Nice? ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation from our Shangrala Angel, Cloie from NH! May God Bless her heart richly! She is a loyal supporter contributing to help Keep Shangrala Alive! We sure do thank God for her and all our past sweet, wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Today's too hot to handle new pages remind me of one of my favorite bible verses for mind renewal when I wake up in the morning... Pss.118: [24] This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. It helps put a smile on my face and sets me in the proper mind set for the day. So do God's wonderful creations. Early in the morning we are treated to their songs of joy at the new day and the rising of the sun. Birds often put a song in our heart and an extra skip of joy in our day. _..._ \_.._ `'-.,--, '-._'-. `\a\\ '. `_.' (| `7 || / .' | /_.-' ,J / \ || / ; _.. || | | /`\.-. .' _ `\ `\ \ | \_/__/ / /e)-,\ '. \ /.-` .'\ / | ,_ | /\ `;_.-'_.-'`\_/ / '-(-.)/ \_;(((_.-; .'--. \ ` .(((_,;`'. \ / `\ | _.--'`__.' `\ '-;\ /` | /.-' .--' '._.'\\ .' ; /__.-'` | \ | .'`-'_ /_.'))) \_\,_/ / -'_.'---;`'-))) (__.'/ /` .'` (_.'/ /` /` _|.' /` jgs.-` __.'| .-'|| | \_`/ So it is with our new pages from our friends Geniann and Bunni today. So heartwarming and inspiring! Both are filled with some of the most beautiful bird photographs to enhance our experience. Be sure to check each of these beauts out! Our first new page from Geniann gives us some wisdom on this journey we call life. Check it out here... Life's Choices http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeschoices.html _.----._ ,'.::.--..:._ /::/_,-;._.:._.;,-=_(.-' __ `._ ,;' _..-(((('' .,-'' `-._ _,'<.-'' _..``'.'`-'`. ` _.-((((_..--'' \ \ `.`. -' _.``' \ ` SSt ,' Our next smoking hot new page is from both Geniann and Bunni. It gives us stunning photography along with some quotes of wisdom for us to ponder. Check it out here... Beautiful Birds And Words http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birdsandwords.html --- ...Absolutely delightful! Thanks Ladies! -<>- *~* We Had A Fabulous Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month! -> Be Sure To Visit And Share These With All Your Friends... MacGyver - How To Do It 7! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver7.html For Dog Lovers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doglovers.html Incredible Wildlife 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildlife3.html Aww Animals 12! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals12.html Only In Africa! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onlyinafrica.html Heaviest Motorcycle! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/heaviestmotorcycle.html Lion And Tiger Herders! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lionandtiger.html Amazing Athlete Homes 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes2.html An Open Letter! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/openletter.html Thankful For You! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thankful.html The Shepherd And The Fox! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shepherdfox.html The Force Of Lake Erie! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lakeerie.html * May God Smile On All Our Sweet Contributors! Thank You! :) ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __ (`/\ `=\/\ __...--~~~~~-._ _.-~~~~~--...__ `=\/\ \ / \\ `=\/ V \\ //_\___--~~~~~~-._ | _.-~~~~~~--...__\\ // ) (..----~~~~._\ | /_.~~~~----.....__\\ ===( INK )==========\\|//==================== __ejm\___/________dwb`---`___________________________________ Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework? Kid: No, he did it all by himself. -<>- During a training session at an artillery unit the sergeant-major was busy describing how the sophisticated aiming device of the artillery weapon system is used: "As you all know, there are 180 degrees in a circle." One of the soldiers put up his hand and said: "But there are 360 degrees in a circle, sergeant-major." "You idiot," replied the sergeant-major, "I am obviously speaking about a small circle!" -<>- I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines, and a box of Godiva Chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel! ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ Naughty Or Nice? December 4 is Santas' List Day and Wear Brown Shoes Day December 5 is Bathtub Party Day and Repeal Day - The 21st Amendment ends Prohibition. I'll drink to that! December 6 is St. Nicholas Day, Mitten Tree Day and Put on your own Shoes Day December 7 is International Civil Aviation Day, Letter Writing Day, National Cotton Candy Day and Pearl Harbor Day December 8 is National Brownie Day and Take it in the Ear Day December 9 is Christmas Card Day, International Children's Day and National Pastry Day December 10 is Human Rights Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: __ __ ,;::\::\ ,'/' `/'`/ _\,: '.,-'.-':. -./"' : : :\/, ::. ,:____;__; :- :" ( .`-*'o*',); \.. ` `---'`' / `:._..- _.' ,; . `. /"'| | \ ::. ) : : |" ( \ | :.(_, : ; \'`-'_/ / `... , _,' |,| : | |`| | | |,| | | ,--.;`| | '..--. /;' "' ; '..--. )) \:.___(___ ) ))' SSt`-'-'' >Wrinkle Cream A nine-year-old daughter walked in while her mom was getting ready for work. "What are you doing?" the girl asked. "Putting on my wrinkle cream," mom answered. "Oh" she said, walking away. "I thought they were natural." -<>- >In Court ... A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising' position." "See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury. -<>- >Shorty My Italian American friend is very self-conscious about his height, or lack thereof, so I always steer clear of the subject. One day, he and I went to lunch at a Sub shop. "I'll take the Italian," he said to the guy behind the counter. "Salami, Provolone, and peppers." "Do you want a full hero or half one?" came the reply. "Ah... gimme a half," my friend says. After placing our orders, we took our seats. A few minutes later, my friend grimaced when we heard... "Small Italian, your order is up!" -<>- >Caddies "Wow, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world. What's the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies?" "Oh, it was my wife's idea." "Your wife?" "She thought I should spend more time with the kids." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _ _ _|_|___________________|_|_ |__:_____________________:__| |___________________________| |__:_____________________:__| |___________________________| |_|___________________|_| /__.___________________.__\ /__._____________________.__\ /_____________________________\ | |_| |_| | | | | | | | | | |_| |_|lc >Smiles Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Larry! Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you? Larry replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Bob. What in the world for?' 'Well,' Larry said, 'you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her? 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'. 'The darn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’. ------- Two old buddies from WW II are sitting on a bench talking. One of them ask the other, 'Hey Bill, you remember back in the big war to end all wars, they gave us those saltpeter pills to make us forget about making love?" "Yeah, I remember, Joe, what about em?" "I think mine is finally starting to work! -------- A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" -------- A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day. The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again. When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads. The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV. When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader. -------- Am I going SENILE? I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: "Remove cap and push up bottom." I can barely walk now, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely. -------- Our kindergarten class went to the fire station for a tour and some instruction in fire safety. The fireman was explaining what to do in case of a fire. He said, "First, go to the door and feel the door to see if it's hot." Then he said, "Fall to your knees. Does anyone know why you ought to fall to your knees?" One of the little tykes said, "Sure, to start praying to ask God to get us out of this mess!" -------- I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park." -------- Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries. "I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!" -------- A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe. --------- Why did my wife leave me? Well, last month was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?” “Okay,” I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked. -------- A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. "How are you, Grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus." "And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?" "No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light." The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?!" he asks. "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old man Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?" "Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed." -------- A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer. When the first golfer gets to his ball, he is greeted by his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss. "I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore," says the first golfer. "That's funny" replies the second, "you had plenty of time to yell 'OH, SH@#!" -------- __ / \ |.--.| (` . TS . ') \;;`..' / ;~- -~;), ,; . /(;,, __;;- (;(.;); / ;,~; \);;(;,; / (. )( .);~;)`~ / / \ /\;(; ~` \ \ ) ( /;~;` \ \|||||||\ ||\ /|| >Drinking with an Arizona Girl A Mexican, an Arab, and a Arizona girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.' The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.' The Arizona girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Arizona we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.' God Bless Arizona! --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! After the Kate Steinle verdict, we all need a good laugh to get over the atrociousness of it! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Latest From The White House: https://tinyurl.com/y937pv2q After Steinle verdict, rep unveils bill to imprison officials who shelter illegal immigrants https://tinyurl.com/y7mrxonw Sessions says he supports new legislation to strengthen DEA enforcement - The Washington Post https://tinyurl.com/ybuorywa Trump deregulation already saves $378 million, billions next year - Washington Examiner https://tinyurl.com/y9bxjcf5 Abortion rate In U.S. reaches new low - The Washington Times https://tinyurl.com/yckk6gtw GOP tax reform will be a boon to African-American job creators - Washington Examiner https://tinyurl.com/y7lq95cn People are noticing something very different about the Trump’s Christmas card vs. Obama’s - The Daily Caller Presidents each put a personal touch on how the White House celebrates the Christmas season. One small but important change Americans may notice this year: The Obama family’s holiday card last year made zero references to “Christmas.” The new First Family decided “Merry Christmas” should make a comeback. https://tinyurl.com/y84xypkd Sec. Of Agriculture Sonny Perdue: GOP reforms ease burden on truckers and farmers, eliminate ‘distasteful’ death tax - Breitbart Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue says in an interview that the Republican tax cut plan will be especially beneficial for the transportation industry. “Many of these are small businesses, some mom-and-pop team [truck] drivers across the country,” he said. https://tinyurl.com/ybldruv2 Harsanyi: This is why we can’t trust factcheckers, part infinity - The Federalist https://tinyurl.com/y7uxv55p Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck About Time: ABC Suspends Ross Without Pay for Monumentally False Scoop on Flynn http://em.mrc.org/x0R0000504m0YLB09K8q6Sd Former Bush AG Shoots Down Media’s ‘Speculation’ About Flynn Deal http://em.mrc.org/hYqm68B00R000dK5L000Sb6 CNN Media Panel Frets America Will ‘Pay a Heavy Price’ for Trump's Madness http://em.mrc.org/r8070S050BcY6LRmq00d0K0 The End Game - MSNBC Hopes Flynn Flip Brings GOP Agenda to ‘Screeching Halt’ http://em.mrc.org/GmB0S5006d88R0KY0000qLd Colbert Falls For San Juan Mayor’s Iconic ‘Fake News’ http://em.mrc.org/E0K0R0qfBa60L0dS0508Y0m Anticipated Variety Piece Details Matt Lauer’s Horrifying, NSFW Behavior Toward Women http://em.mrc.org/f00YK0Y06200lB0dRLSZq08 -<>- >From BizarreNews: ___Caution - In The 'SICK' News___ Train passengers were shocked to see two men having s@% late at night, according to police in Australia. Melbourne police said that officers were called to the Flinders Street Station after the two men, 22, and 25, stripped naked and had s@%. The two men, who were not identified, were charged with willful and obscene exposure. They were also charged with theft for allegedly stealing potted plants from Melbourne Town Hall. Witnesses at the scene told police that the two men stripped naked and danced around two potted plants, which they allegedly stole earlier in the day. The two men then performed acts on each other. Some people laughed at the two lovers but one elderly woman yelled at them to stop their public display of obscenity. A video of the incident was uploaded to the Internet, where it went viral. Police arrived at the scene and forced the men to get dressed. -<>- Why pay for a motel room for your amorous encounters when you have a vehicle? And hiring a baby-sitter is just throwing money away if that vehicle has a back seat. All that's missing is plenty of booze to set the mood and you have... Witnesses of a single-vehicle crash were shocked to see a naked man and woman emerging from the wreck, according to police in Washington. Washington State Troopers said that they have arrested the driver, 23-year-old Michael Tonkin, who was having s@% with the naked woman, 23-year-old Daisy Laroque, before slamming into the tree. According to the police investigation, the man was driving down State Route 7 with a 3-month-old baby in the back seat. The man and the woman were both drunk and naked. The couple was having s@% when the man missed a curve and drove off the road. Seconds later, the car slammed into a tree. Witnesses at the scene saw the naked man and woman emerge from the wreck. Both appeared to be intoxicated. The man and the baby were not injured but the woman suffered broken bones and was transported to a hospital. Tonkin was charged with driving under the influence, vehicular assault, and child endangerment. *-------------- Special Delivery --------------* California man who suspected his neighbor's dog of pooping in his driveway checked his home security camera and discovered the real culprit: an Amazon driver. Nemy Bautista of Sacramento said he found a large piece of fecal matter at the end of his driveway when he arrived home, so he checked his home security camera to see if it came from a neighbor's dog. Bautista said he was shocked when he reviewed the video and discovered a delivery service driver contracted by Amazon had squatted behind the door of their Uhaul van and dropped the deuce. Bautista said a delivery service supervisor visited his home to apologize. "He was in shock when we saw the size of 'it'" Bautista said. "He ended up scooping it up with a plastic bag, but didn't want to take it with him." An Amazon representative said the company contacted Bautista and the driver has been removed from their position as a delivery driver. Bautista was given an Amazon gift card for his troubles. *------------ Nipple Attacks Are Up ------------* A South Dakota man was sentenced to 45 years in prison for cutting off his ex-girlfriend's nipples with a pair of scissors. The gruesome assault happened last year when the two were arguing about their relationship. 46-year-old Tony Deval Ledbetter admitted to punching the victim, who was pregnant with his child at the time, and while she was unconscious, he grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off her nipples. She awoke and was able to break free and go to the hospital. Some of Ledbetter's past arrests involve breaking into women's homes, damaging their property, vandalizing their cars and using their credit cards. So you would think there would have been some warning signs. But in Ledbetter's defense he did tell police that he cut off the victim's nipples in self-defense. Which begs the question; how do you attack someone with your nipples? *-- Rule 1: Keep Your Finger Off the Trigger --* A man shot himself while arguing with another man during a road rage incident, according to police in Florida. When officers arrived at the scene they encountered a man who suffered a gunshot wound to the leg. According to the police investigation, the incident unfolded when two drivers got into an argument. One of the men felt threatened by the other and pulled out his weapon. While waving it around, the gun discharged. The gun owner suffered a gunshot wound to his leg. The victim was taken to a hospital, where he was treated for a non-life-threatening injury. No charges have been filed because the weapon was legally owned and the victim felt threatened. *------------------- O.M.G. -------------------* You don't have to be a celebrity to give your baby a stupid name. Take it from this Arkansas couple who plan to name their firstborn child after their favorite eatery: Olivia Garton. Justin and Jordan Garton of Fort Smith said they have decided to name the baby, due in December, after the restaurant where they once ate every day for seven weeks after buying a "never ending pasta pass" in 2015. The couple said they quickly ruled out Olive Garton for the baby's name, but soon settled on Olivia. "We were able to make the joke, but a little more subtle, and it's still a pretty name," said Jordan Garton, 26. "It was definitely an easy decision." The Gartons said they hid one other Easter egg in baby Olivia's name: Her middle name will be Michelle, making her initials O.M.G. "I guess we just have to be those hashtag millennial parents," Jordan Garton said. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ((" ") <)) <\(> '\| |\ ________/|______| \_________ kOs My wife has these days when she wants us to "talk about things." On one of these occasions we were discussing our future so I asked her, "What would you do if I die before you do?" After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with two or three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then she asked me, "What will you do if I die first?" I replied, "Probably the same thing." -<>- A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-tellers tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down. "Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children." "That's what you think", the man laughed. I'm the father of THREE children." The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!" -<>- While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck." -<>- -="""--.._ ""--...._\ ,b:--....---. || //'""------"' _.l+----.// .&$""' .'"=.. '. / | | ) \ _.-'@_.' '@_/ | .' " \ -._,-'^"""^'-, `. ,\""---___ |.. _.--._, \ .-"(,_\_""" _.' ' _,-; '"` ` " """' """' | |__ ,+ |-.`o o'"/| #| oO Oo"./ (#| | "|_, | '|> \ / `l ,' |,-----||' pjy lj lJ o@o o@o " " >Signs of the times SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE: "We will heel you We will save your sole We will even dye for you." Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a Septic Tank Truck: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels" At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up." In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." In a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." -<>- Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?" -<>- In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: `-.__.-*-. .-*+- .-*'\: `-._/ .' .' ; .-' `._ .' / `-. `. / .-' `+. `. .' / .'\ `-. ; / / `. ` \ | _.' : \ \ | `-.-'/ _ '|\ \ ; ; `. : / / / .' `./.: ; ,|;: | \ \ . .-' .' .-'/ ;|| ::| | `. ; ; : / / .-' .' / :: ' :\ ,: | ,*"*-:' / /.'.-*' .'; ', / ; ; \ :.-*"*. |'TP' .-'.'' / .-' , //.' : ' . : '.s$P`| ; / .' .'/ .' .' <_.' ` |/ : '\ T$P : |/_.-*" /.'.-' ___ \ ___ |/ db. `. | .-'_.-' ; .' s$$$$$s ; s$$$$$s ; d$$ `-.+-; .'.-'_.-*' d$b T$$$$$P T$$$$$P/.d$$$b , /.'.-'\ \ ;/ $$ """ : """ ` $$ TP / : .' \ /, d$$ ; $$b / |/ [bug] ,:-. \ .-*' ' |; \__;`. ,' . `. / :__/ : | ; ; : | : `._ _.' ; "*--*" ` ` ' \ \ .-*--*-. / \ ;*""**""*: / `. :`. .'; .' \ `.`""'.' / `. `""' .' `.__.' >Quotes ** The trouble with people who have broken a habit is that they usually have the pieces mounted and framed.- Ivern Boyett ** ** Time is more valuable than capital. The time you set aside not to be wasted, not to be given away. Time you set aside to be invested in an enterprise that brings value to the marketplace with the hope of making a profit. Now we have capital time. How valuable is time? Time properly invested is worth a fortune. Time wasted can be devastation. Time invested can perform miracles, so you invest your time. ~~~Jim Rohn ** ** Questions focus our thinking. Ask empowering questions like: What's good about this? What's not perfect about it yet? What am I going to do next time? How can I do this and have fun doing it? ~~- Charles Connolly ** ** To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it. ~~- John Churton Collins ** The advice your child rejected is now being given to your grandchild. ** The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. ~~~- Humbert H. Humphrey, 1911-1978 ** Never let the fear of striking out get in your way. ~~~- George Herman "Babe" Ruth, Hall of Fame Baseball Player ** The first principle of success is desire -- knowing what you want. Desire is the planting of your seed. - Robert Collier ** We all have ability. The difference is how we use it. ~~- Stevie Wonder ** This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it. ~~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ** Excellence is not a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice. ** Some men dream of worthy accomplishments, while others stay awake and do them. -<>- >Get The Message ** Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa!! -<>- >Needing A Raise ** "I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?" "The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company." (the mortgage company, the car company, the....) -<>- >A Take On New York ** ..two traveling salesmen are talking... Thorn: "I am an expert on New York." Myrddin: "Why do you say that?" Thorn: "Because I've been to every last city, town, village, and crossroads in the state." Myrddin: "So, what do you think of Flushing, NY?" Thorn: "I think it's a great idea." -<>- >More From New York ** The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized. "It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me yesterday." "Why is that?" the detective asked. "Because today everything was on sale." -<>- _..-------.._ .-"--..__ __."-. ." """" ". .:: :.. .' ""----...._________..-`. ::::::' : __:::::::::: .. : ______......--.--:::::::::::::-" .:: ::::::::::(::::##::##::_:::::::::"::: .:-.:::_ :::::::::_::::::#:::#:::#"::::::: " '-::::::::::::::-#:::::::::::::::#::::::::: .:::::::::::::::#:::::::::::::#:::::::' : ::::::":"""----:::#::::::::::::#---"" _.: " '-' : __...--"" : :---...____....----""" ___..-": : ______......--""" : :""""" : `.----.....______....----.' .--. ":::::::::::::::::::::/:..:::::: grp "-:::::::::::::::-"':::::::::: ::::::---"" .::::::::: .:::::/_.._ ::::::::' :::::::::::::. '-::-" '::::::::::::: `--::::::-' Mr. Bump >Who Is It? ** A destroyer pulled into a foreign port, and put down maximum liberty. The skeleton crew didn't notice a chimpanzee, escaped from a nearby civilian transport, had crawled up the ropes and up to the smokestack. Down the stack, it made its way into the engine room. It came across a power panel opened for maintenance, couldn't read the warning signs, and with a bright blue blast shorted out the ship's electrical system, and plunged the ship into darkness. A little bit later, two junior Hull Technicians wander down with their flashlights, looking for the problem. They come upon the blackened body of the chimp. They shine their flashlights on its long, burnt arms. They look at each other. They highlight its short legs and odd feet. They look at each other again. Finally one says, "Well, it's too hairy to be an Electrician, the legs are too short for a Hull Tech, and there would be more tattoos on a Bosun. Call the wardroom. See if one of the duty officers is missing." -<>- >Night Maneuvers ** During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., my squad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, we realized we'd lost our map. The patrol navigator informed us, "Our odds are 1 in 359 that we'll get out of here." "How did you come up with that figure?" someone asked. "Well," he replied, "one of the degrees on the compass has to be right." -<>- >Military Changes Light Bulbs ** Q: How many Viet Nam vets does it take to change a light bulb? A: YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!!! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!!!!! Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to change a light bulb? A: 22. One to change it, 21 to shoot the bulb. Q: How many U.S Marines does it take to change a light bulb? A: 50. One to change the bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him. Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet. Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a light bulb? A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please. -<>- _.-""""-. ( ': '. .___.' : : _.."----".._ .-" "-. ." ". .":.".. .' `. : '.' : :" "": : .-" .'""-: .-"""-. :": : : ". .' `. : " '-._ : : _:" : : "" : : : : _ : : : '. : : : `#. ' : : _:. : '. ' `#. : grp : '._ .' : . ." .-" :"-._ _.-" (_. '. ""------"" (_.: . : '.:`-' .::"- .:::::. .':::::::: ' `::::' " Mr. Bounce >From The Mouths Of Babes ** "Close the curtains," requested our 2 year old granddaughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. "The sun's looking at me too hard." My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5." Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining dumplings!" As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter observed, "Maybe he thinks you're surrendering." A friend's grandson, 4, was reading with his granddad about Adam and Eve. He asked, "Is this where God took out the man's brain and made a woman?" Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a mustache?" When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "Capital F!" Shampooing my 4-year-old, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much." My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's going to the tire-o- practor?" Impressed by her 5-year-old's vocabulary, my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded, " I have words in my head I haven't even used yet." His Mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You already have a son. Me!" When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, "Guess what! They are not only twins.... they're brothers!!" -<>- >Short Takes ** The owner of a priceless antiques collection allowed a museum to exhibit his treasures. The movers packed the vases while the collector hovered over them. "Do be careful," he cautioned one burly mover. "That vase is nearly two thousand years old." "Don't worry," the guy replied. "I'll treat it like it was brand new." ================== The Blonde drove through a red light and was motioned over to the curb by a police officer on the corner. Finding no place to pull over, she drove on to the next corner and made a U-turn to come back. A second policeman, seeing this illegal maneuver, flagged her down. As she drove by him, she called out, "Please wait your turn! There's one ahead of you down the street." -<>- ___________ `:::::::::' ':::::::' -._:::::::_.- :""""""""""""""""": : . \ .- . : : : 0 0 .' : : ' ..::. : : ::::::: : .': ':::::' :`. : : "" : : `. : __ :.' ": .' ". : : : : : : ' : :_____ _____: __ : : :.--. grp ." " : ' : '. : .' `-...-"'-..-" Mr. Grumpy >Church Bulletin Bloopers ** "22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why." "A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday." "Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir." "On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better." "The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy." "The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her." "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on 'It's a Terrible Experience.'" "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice." "Stewardship Offertory: 'Jesus Paid It All'" "The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, 'Break Forth Into Joy.'" "During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Maxine Humor!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinehumor.html Amazing Grace!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazinggrace.html Pay It Forward!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html The Blue Ribbon!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueribbon.html No Words Needed!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords.html Disney Christmas!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneychristmas.html Who Is This Jesus?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html Jesus Laughing Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.html No Words Necessary!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords2.html Christmas With Pets!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmaspets.html Santa Ho Ho Oh-No's!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/santa.html Expensive Hotel Rooms!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Finger Monkeys!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkey.html Redneck Christmas Tree!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneck.html Where's The Line To See Jesus?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seejesus.html Winter Wonderland And Life Lessons!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lessons.html Maxine On Christmas 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinechristmas3.html Full Christmas Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasindex.html -<>- >Please Follow/Visit Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/y86f27fz -<>- REVISITING... >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) This extremely well-produced ad for a British chocolate company is based off of true stories from the trenches of World War I. It may be an ad, but it gets me right in the heartstrings! Watch and you'll see why this ad has gone ultra-viral in its first week online. See the emotional Christmas ad that got 10 million views in one week https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWF2JBb1bvM&feature=player_embedded --- ...So very heartwarming! Thanks LouiseAu! After watching that one, be sure to watch this one! The story behind the ad: http://tinyurl.com/ptn7t63 A Capella group Pentatonix performs the song "Silent Night" live from their recently released holiday CD in this entertaining music video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sme8N2pzRx8 A Capella group Pentatonix performs the song "That's Christmas To Me" from their holiday album of the same name. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pFjdfjrtf1Q --- ...Beautiful! Thanks Again LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) The Original Stroll - February 1958 - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrGLNtZ0rEg Greg's Christmas Match Game http://www.kraftmstr.com/christmas/match/index.html 4 Reasons You Should Start Drinking Lemon Water Asap http://tinyurl.com/nc9t4xp Volcano Plosky Tolbachik, Kamchatka, Russia, 2012 . 360° Aerial Panorama http://tinyurl.com/avruj2k --- ...Sweet! Thanks Again Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) >50's car test..........no cheating.... This will really rattle the cobwebs in the 'ol brain. http://www.americantorque.com/game/car-show-50s/ --- ...Thanks Again Geniann! I'm not even trying this one! Leave it to Our car buffs! -<>- >From Our Friend Deci :) This is why we're having Mosquito Week on the Gates Notes http://www.gatesnotes.com/Health/Most-Lethal-Animal-Mosquito-Week --- ...WoW! Thanks Again Deci! Paul about died - not in The Vietnam War but when returning from there. He got infected with Malaria right before leaving. He Still remembers the fever from it. -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) 10 habits you never knew were probably damaging your brain... http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=13123&memberid=891666 --- ...Cool info! Thanks Again Linda! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A piece of wedding cake from Donald and Melania Trump's wedding is currently up for auction. The 12-year-old piece of cake is being marketed as a rare collector's item. This piece of cake is expected to go for over $1,000. What a rip-off. If I want to eat a 12-year-old piece of cake, I'll go to the liquor store and buy some Twinkies like a normal person." -James Corden "I saw that one hundred years ago this month, Albert Einstein presented his theory of General Relativity, which explains how gravity works. And it also marks the last time someone actually meant it when they said, 'Way to go, Einstein.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Nestle is recalling its Hot Pockets Four Cheese Pizza Snack Bites due to misbranding. They'll be re-released with the corrected name, Scalding Hot Yet Somehow Still Frozen in the Middle Pockets." -Seth Meyers "For the first time ever, more than half of all senior citizens in the U.S. are using the Internet. Yeah, I read that when my grandma sent the entire story to me in the subject line of an email." -Jimmy Fallon "A teenager in Arkansas was arrested after he was caught driving without a license on his way to the DMV to take a driving test, tried to flee, and crashed into a police car. On the plus side, it sounds like he was probably going to fail anyway." -Seth Meyers "Today two men dressed as Batman and Captain America tried to rob someone at a gas station. They're being charged with attempted robbery and mixing Marvel with DC." -Conan O'Brien "Another big story is that Prince Harry is engaged to Meghan Markle. And it was announced that they will marry at Windsor Castle this May. Right now, every bride is asking, 'Wow - how'd they get a venue so quick?!'" -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new study, women are more attracted to men who talk less. Which is why you often overhear women say, 'Check out that mime.'" -Conan O'Brien "A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn't resort to violins." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************