Never Argue With A Woman ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
===========================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News:
>We have added photos to our group here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Thank You STEVE for Sharing With Us! I've also used one of
Steve's images for the main page of our group - I think it
speaks for itself ;)
-<>-
>This new FILE comes from our friend Tony G. :)
Read the story before watching the video
Strange but interesting...this is a car advertisement from Great
Britain. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed
something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist.
The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly
phenomenon.
Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle
of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car
then following it along the road. Spooky! Is it a ghost, or is it simply
mist?
There is a slight sound to the mist when it appears so turn the volume
up.
You decide.
VISIT AND WATCH IT HERE:
Car 21
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/files/
---
...Thanks Tony - that's pretty cool!
-<,,>-
I've been working more on the Bible Pages. Over the weekend
I got another dozen or so of them done. I've started getting
them set up to work for a main menu. The link in this first
one for the Bible Study Menu doesn't work yet - but will later :)
BibleStudy: Meditating Upon The Word Of God
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/meditating.html
BibleStudy: Be Ye Thankful
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/beyethankful.html
-<>-
>Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
________
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| / _|
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/ / / /
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| | | |
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b'ger . ... ",",,,,,,,'.'_ _.,-'
.. . '-,-/_
/_
These two will shock you!
Almost 100 foot Buildings made of pure ice -
rock solid and beautifully done!
Ice Sculpture Art:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ices.html
Ice Sculpture Art
-<>-
One Texas Morning - Caught on film!
This will surprise and delight you!
One Texas Morning...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fawn.html
One Texas Morning
Be Sure to CHECK THEM OUT! - AND Pass them Around!
*~* Special Thanks Goes to Lee And Steve for these two! *~*
-<>-
Actually got an award Sunday! Yes the Great White Shark page
won an award from Harmony! Cool since I haven't won an
award for some 4 years now! About time huh?
See the award and visit the page here:
Great White Shark
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html
Great White
Shark
Be sure to click on the Award to View the details on the Trophy Page.
==========================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone:
How Many Calories in a Mouse?
The Iams Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service
representatives at The Iams Company, handle more than 300,000
inquiries a year from pet owners across the country. Although the
majority of calls to the toll-free number are straightforward pet
care and nutrition questions, some can be quite unconventional.
Here are some of the team's favorite calls this year:
_ _
"My cat just came in from the garage | `\(_)
and I was wondering... how many calories \ ^ (_)_
are in a mouse?" cat owner, Omak, WA _ ;- |/<
>\_/ \_/
"I have a neutered male cat. How old \__, \
should he be before I can breed him?" | ;
— cat owner, Colorado Springs, CO .-. |
_( | jgs
"Does your dog food help with <__;______/-.
emancipation?" — dog owner, Lockport, NY _ _...__)
( `''--'
"What should I feed a borderline collie?"
— puppy owner, Van Fleck, TX
"What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?" — cat owner,
Chicago, IL
/\_..._/\ "Is it normal for a dog to shed?"
|/ \_/ \| — dog owner, Miami, FL
| o.-.o |
\ ( O ) / "How can I keep my cat from stealing my
/'--U--'\ husband's toothbrush?"
| .:. | /\ — cat owner, Los Angeles, CA
| /:;:\ |` /
| |:;:| |-' "My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug
jgs / |'-'| \ and it's stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any
`""` `""` suggestions?" — cat owner, Amarillo, TX
"How can I get the secret recipe for your Iams® Chunks dog food?"
— Anchorage, AK _
_ _ .'`.\
"How do I stop my cat from giving / `,\--.-; /
food to the dog?" | |` `-.
— pet owner, Ephrata, WA \_/ --. -;
,#/ 'o/\o/)
"Your food turned my dog into a stud. <)#| .-"(_)`\
Now what do I do?" ,##/ , _|_/
— dog owner, Flushing, NY <)| /V`"`/V|
##| / , / ,|
"Do you know how to toilet train a cat?" `<)\ \_(\;_/)\
— cat owner, Ontario, Canada ##'. '. `"" -)
jgs `<)'#<)#-.__.'-'
"I have three cats. Is it true that `"""`
Eukanuba® Cat Food makes the poop smell better?"
— cat owner, Wentzville, MO
"Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?"
— puppy owner, Chico, CA
"Where can I get a six-toed cat?" — cat owner, El Paso, TX
.-. .-.
/ \ / \ "I really like your paw print logo.
.-. | | | .-. Does Iams have a tattoo?"
/ \ \ / \ / / \ — pet owner, North Tonawanda, NY
| | '`.-.`' | |
\_.' .-` `-. '._/ The Iams Company Manager of Customer
.-' '-. Service says, "Although these questions
/ \ make us smile, they're legitimate calls
| | from concerned pet owners".
\ /
jgs '.___...___.'
==================================================================
+----------------+ Bizarre Holidays in November +----------------+
November 1 is Plan Your Epitaph Day
November 2 is National Deviled Egg Day
November 3 is Sandwich Day and Housewife's Day
November 4 is Waiting For The Barbarians Day
November 5 is Gunpowder Day
November 6 is Saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day
November 7 is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
November 8 is Dunce Day
November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day
November 11 is Air Day
November 12 is National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day
November 13 is National Indian Pudding Day
November 14 is Operation Room Nurse Day
November 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
November 16 is Button Day
================================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
/(_
/_ (_
/ O \
|_. |
\ |
| |\
/ | \
| \ (-.\ fish walking
_)\ \ (
)_/\ \_(
\ /
) ( _ _ _
/ _ \ /'\/'\'\
/ _// / \(/\(/(/
\\_/_/ \_\/ ./<./<.
Lc.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife
decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors,
and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman
and says, 'Good morning, Ma ' am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at
any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the
woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
** MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
-<**>-
>HOW BIG IS WAL-MART?
I was blown away by these mind-boggling statistics on Wal-Mart!
1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March
17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco
+ K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private
employer.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and
keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy
(including Winn-Dixie).
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are
SuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago.
11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur
at a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion).
12. 90% of Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.
---
...PERHAPS this is because WalMart LISTENS Unlike Ford and others!
They were going to ban the Salvation Army ringers but changed their
mind when people told them it mattered. AND They were going to ban
their use of 'Christmas' but changed their mind when people told them
it mattered! Now that is SMART Business practice! Maybe that is
why they are giants in the retail business!
===================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
Military Appreciation Monday
November 12, 2007
For the past 6 years, Golden Corral has been honoring the US Military
with a free “thank you” dinner and beverage at any Golden Corral
restaurant on Military Appreciation Monday (first Monday after Veteran’s
Day). This year, Golden Corral has designated Monday, November 12, 2007,
from 5 to 9 pm, to honor any person who has ever served in the United
States Military.
From the first Military Appreciation Monday in 2001 to the present,
Golden Corral has donated 1.5 million free “thank you” meals and $1.9
million dollars to the Disabled American Veterans.
Between November 1 and November 12, 2007, the Disabled American Veterans
Organization will accept contributions to be used in the local and state
DAV chapters.
Free Vet Dinner at Golden Corral:
http://www.goldencorral.net/military/
---
...Way to go Golden Corral!
-<>-
>From AFA: http://www.afa.net
_________________
| |
A ) |
M (_ |
C __) |
| (___ |
9 ____) |
9 (_____ | AFA - MERRY CHRISTMAS
| ______) |
| (_______ |
| ________) |
| (_________ |
| _____) |
| ( |
| .) |
| MERRY~CHRISTMAS |
|_________________|
AFA donates 1,000 Christmas buttons to students at high school which
banned Christmas from posters
Your American Family Association is donating 1000 Christmas buttons to
the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) at Glenelg High School in
Howard County, Maryland.
The Glenelg High School FCA chapter is sponsoring an "Operation
Christmas Child" project which will benefit incarcerated parent's
children at Christmas by collecting toys for the children. As part of
the project, students posted signs throughout the school, encouraging
other students to help those less fortunate than themselves.
The principal forced the FCA chapter to cover over the word "Christmas"
and replace it with "Holiday," so that the signs read, "Operation
Holiday Child." AFA's button reads: "Merry Christmas: God's Good News."
We were thrilled to have an opportunity for the students at Glenelg High
School to wear these buttons.
I hope you will help us distribute as many of these beautiful Christmas
buttons which contain the message about the "Reason for the Season." You
can sponsor your church, or even you local school. Students in Christian
schools certainly need to proudly wear these buttons. Businesses can
offer them to their customers.
Click here to order your buttons.
http://tinyurl.com/37q9za
Sincerely,
Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
American Family Association
-<>-
>From LifeScrift:
Office Jerk Alert!
Jerks are like bathrooms: Every office has them. They’re the insensitive
clods whose actions leave colleagues feeling stung. And they’re rampant
in today’s workplace. Now a book aptly titled The No Asshole Rule:
Building A Civilized Workplace And Surviving One That Isn’t (Warner
Business Books, 2007) offers help for those with co-workers from hell.
In this LifeScript exclusive, author Robert Sutton shares guidelines for
identifying the office jerks and mastering effective strategies to deal
with creeps, tyrants, egomaniacs, and other undesirables…
click here to read more
http://tinyurl.com/37q9za
-<>-
>From CoffeeBreak:
Man eats record 103 burgers
A California man ate a record-setting 103 hamburgers in
8 minutes at the Krystal Square Off IV World Hamburger
Eating Championship in Chattanooga, Tenn. Joey Chestnut,
of San Jose, Calif., became the first competitor to eat more
than 100 burgers, breaking the record of 97 set by Takeru
Kobayashi, a three-time champion of the contest from
Nagano, Japan, the Chattanooga Times Free Press reported
Monday. The win helped Chestnut solidify his position at
the No. 1 competitive eater with the International
Federation of Competitive Eating. He was awarded a
championship belt, a crystal trophy and a check for $10,000.
"I'm drained," Chestnut said after the event. "All I want
to do is take a nap and digest this food." Bob Shoudt, of
Philadelphia, Pa., came in second with 95 burgers and Pat
Bertoletti, of Chicago, finished third by downing 94 burgers.
(()))
/|x x|
/\( - )
___.-._/\/
/=`_'-'-'/ !!
|-{-_-_-} !
(-{-_-_-} !
\{_-_-_} !
}-_-_-}
{-_|-_}
{-_|_-}
{_-|-_}
{_-|-_} ZOT
____%%@ @%%_______
Irvine joins worldwide 'Thriller' movement
More than 40 dancers gathered in Irvine, Calif., to help
set a world record by dancing to Michael Jackson's
"Thriller." Dancers in 80 cities spanning 17 countries
joined together in spirit to at 3 p.m. Pacific Standard
Time Saturday for one of the largest choreographed dances
ever seen, The Orange County (Calif.) Register reported.
"I've never done any kind of choreographed dance like
this, and it's so much fun," said Christopher Clark, a
graphic designer and artist. "I dig that it's a global,
international event. I think it's really cool that
everybody all over the world can get together and do
something totally crazy like this. And nobody's killing
anybody." The Irvine "Thrill the World" event was
organized by residents Tom Nguyen and dance instructor
Jeremy Heckman after hearing that Toronto dance instructor
Ines Markeljevic was trying for the world record for
"Largest Simultaneous Thriller Dance."
Meteorite fails to draw high bids
A piece of famous space rock -- a meteorite -- was pulled
from a New York auction after it failed to generate high
enough bids. The 30-pound piece of the Willamette
Meteorite, which was found in 1902 in Oregon, peaked at a
$300,000 bid, despite expectations that it would bring in
up to $1.3 million at Bonhams auction house, the New York
Post reported Monday. However, a total of $750,000 was
brought in by other space rocks and related items at the
auction. The "Claxton mailbox," a mailbox that was hit by
a falling space rock outside a Georgia home in 1894,
fetched $82,750 at the auction. The 164-pound Campo del
Cielo Meteorite, which fell from the sky in Argentina in
1576, was purchased for $14,000 in the sale.
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Man in zombie costume mistaken for deaad --------
BAD SEGEBERG, Germany - Police investigating reports of
a corpse on a German train near the town of Bad Segeberg
said the reported body was actually a drunken man dressed
as a zombie. The Halloween reveler had fallen into a
drunken sleep on the train ride home from a party in
Hamburg, and his gore-covered zombie costume was mistaken
by fellow passengers for a bloody corpse, Sky News reported
Tuesday. Police were called when passengers couldn't get
a response from the man but a first aid team quickly
determined that the man wasn't dead, merely sleeping. The
police told him to remove his apparently realistic makeup
and he was allowed to continue his train ride home. "Bad
Segeberg is in a rural area and Halloween isn't very well
known there," police spokeswoman Sikle Tobies told Sky
News. "So people weren't expecting anyone to be dressed up
in the train."
-- Paris builds pee-proof walls --------------
PARIS - The mayor of Paris, who made environmental concerns
a major priority, is taking aim at another threat to the
city's cleanliness -- public urination. Paris Mayor
Bertrand Delanoe, who made all self-cleaning Sanisette
toilets in streets and parks free of charge in February,
is turning to a new method of keeping urination off the
streets and in the toilets: walls that pee back, The
Telegraph reported Monday. "Le mur anti-pipi" is an
undulating wall that features sloping surfaces that reflect
urine streams back toward their source, the newspaper said.
"The jet of pee is rather oblique. If it meets a sloping
surface it is sent back to the trousers," said Etienne
Vanderpooten, a municipal architect who has been working
on halting public urination for 25 years. "It is the case
of the arroseur arrose (the sprinkler sprinkled)," he told
The Telegraph.
_
[_]
/; :\
()'---' C
| | | -- Swedish church plans Lego Jesus ------
[=|=]
TomekK
VASTERAS, Sweden - A Vasteras, Sweden, church is asking
for donations of white Lego blocks to be used in a life-
size Jesus statue. Per Wilder, the priest who is heading
the initiative, estimated that the statue will require
about 20,000 Legos, The Local reported Monday. "If it
works out well we could envisage pulling the statue apart
regularly before building it back up again," he said.
Wilder said he feels using any Lego colors other than
white would be tasteless. He said the statue should
appear to be made from marble when viewed from a distance.
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friedn Steve :)
>I am a Christian
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
-By Maya Angelou
-<>-
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a
series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily
systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom,
he decided the latest Episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea
And was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain
rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed,
gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the
hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets
landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and
swinging his arms violently trying to get t he unknown
things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a
tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet,
staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard,
(barely containing his laughter), and who had watched
the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the
heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just
beat the poo out of a Ghost."
Happy Halloween
-<**>-
>Why Dogs are Better than Humans!
.--. .---.
/:. '. .' .. '._.---.
/:::-. \.-"""-;` .-:::. .::\
/::'| \/ _ _ \' `\:' ::::|
__.' | / (o|o) \ `'. ':/
/ .:. / | ___ | '---'
| ::::' /: (._.) .:\
\ .=' |:' :::|
`""` \ .-. ':/
jgs '---`|I|`---'
'-'
10. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
9. The later you are, the more excited a dog is to see you.
8. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
7. Anyone can get a good looking dog.
6. Dogs don't care if you haven't taken a shower in days.
5. Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
4. Dogs think every meal you cook is just perfect.
3. Dogs don't keep wearing your favorite clothes on the nights
you need them.
2. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've had.
1. Dogs like you no matter what .
-<,,>-
>Quotable Quote:
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of
arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most
powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon."
-- Comedian Chris Rock
-<,,>-
__
/` ,\__
| ).-' 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
/ .--'
/ /
, _.==''` \ So You DON'T GO
.'( _.=' |
{ `` _.=' |
{ \` ; / QUACKERS!
`. `'=..' .='
`=._ .='
jgs '-`\\`__
`-._{
**Lesson 1:**
**A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the
next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great!' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?'
**Moral of the story:****
**If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
**Lesson 2:**
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
**Moral of the story:****
**If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for
advancement will pass right by you.
**Lesson 3:**
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's
gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and with the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
**Moral of the story:****
**Always let your boss have the first say.
**Lesson 4:**
**An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure , why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story:**** **To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.
**Lesson 5:**
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
the tree.
**Moral of the story:**** **Bull shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there.
**Lesson 6:**
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
**Morals of the story**:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
**THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Steve! ;)
===================================================================
>-->From The NMouthPiece:
The World's Shortest Books:
1. Al Gore: The Wild Years
2. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
3. America's Most Popular Lawyers
4. Career Opportunities for History Majors
5. Detroit - A Travel Guide
6. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
7. Easy UNIX
8. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
9. Everything Men Know about Women
10. Everything Women Know about Men
11. French Hospitality
12. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
13. How to Sustain A Musical Career, by Art Garfunkel
14. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
15. The Amish Phone Book
16. And the Number One World's Shortest Book,
17. The Engineer's Guide to Fashion
===============================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
Here's the exercise program I am using to stay in
shape this year. You might want to take it easy
at first, then do it faster as you become more
proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
*Always Consult Your Doctor Before Starting Any
Exercise Program*
Now Scroll Down...
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
Now Scroll Up...
That's enough for the first day!
-<>-
,--.
\ _\_
_\/_|_\____.'\
-(___.--._____(
\ \
\ \
`--'
jg
A man is sitting in an airliner, which is about
to take off when another man with a Labrador
Retriever occupies the empty seats alongside.
The Lab is situated in the middle, and the first
man is looking quizzically at the dog when the
second man explains that they work for the
airline.
The airline rep said, "Don't mind Sniffer; he is
a sniffing dog, the best there is... I'll show
you once we get airborne when I put him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the
handler says to the first man... "Watch this."
He tells the dog, "Sniffer, search." Sniffer
jumps down, walks along the aisle, and sits next
to a woman for a few seconds. He then returns to
his seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm.
He says "Good boy."
The airline rep turns to the first man and says,
"!That woman is in possession of marijuana, so
I'm making a note of this and her seat number for
the police who will apprehend her on arrival."
"Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again he sends Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for
a few seconds, returns to his seat, and places
two paws on the handler's arm.
The airline rep says, "That man is carrying
cocaine, to again I'm making a note of this and
the seat number."
"I like it!" says the first man.
A third time the rep sends Sniffer to search the
aisles. Sniffer goes up and down the plane and
after a while sits down next to someone. He then
comes racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and
poops all over the place.
The first man is really grossed out by this
behavior from a supposedly well-trained sniffing
dog and asks, "What's going on?"
The handler nervously replies, "He just found a
bomb!"
-<>-
SPECIALTY PUNS CHIASMS AND OXYMORONS
Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt,
and poetry is painting that is felt rather than
seen. (Leonardo da Vinci)
The obscure we always see sooner or later; the
obvious always seems to take a little longer.
(Edward R. Murrow)
Anything free costs twice as much in the long run
or turns out worthless (Robert A. Heinlein)
"I cannot choose the best. The best chooses me.
(Rabindranath Tagore)
It's not who votes that counts. It's who counts
the votes. (Josif Stalin)
Democracy means government by discussion, but it
is only effective if you can stop people talking.
(Clement Attlee)
In death the many become one; in life the one
become many. (Rabindranath Tagore)
It's a strange world of language in which skating
on thin ice can get you into hot water.
(Franklin P. Jones)
We've always known that it's hard to keep a good
man down. What is less well-recognized but
equally true is that it's hard to keep a down man
good. (Mardy Grothe)
When you change the way you look at things, the
things you look at change. (Wayne W. Dyer)
I preach that there are all kinds of truth: your
truth and someone else's. But behind all of them
there is only one truth and that is that there's
no truth. (Flannery O'Conner)
If you listen carefully, you get to hear
everything you didn't want to hear in the first
place. (Sholem Aleichem)
I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a
life devoted to pleasure.
(John D. Rockefeller, Sr.)
A friendship founded on business is better than a
business founded on friendship.
( John D. Rockefeller, Jr.)
We learn from experience that man never learns
anything from experience (George Bernard Shaw)
"There's another way to phrase that and that is
that the absence of evidence is not the evidence
of absence. It is basically saying the same thing
in a different way. Simply because you do not
have evidence that something does exist does not
mean that you have evidence that it doesn't
exist." (Donald Rumsfeld)
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said
nothing. (Robert Benchley)
It is our farewell performance, and I hope the
first of many. (Garrison Keillor)
Life is too important to be taken seriously
(Oscar Wilde)
I’m an atheist and I thank God for it.
(George Bernard Shaw)
-<>-
The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog
needed some exercise.
"You need to make sure this dog runs around," the
doctor said. "Try playing a game of fetch with
him."
"I can't play fetch with my dog," the blonde
said.
"Why not?" the doctor asked.
"Because," she replied, "He can't throw."
^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-
>Brad Pitt’s Bicep Explodes -- Dozens Injured
Actor Brad Pitt’s left bicep exploded last night
at the Hollywood premier of his new film "Troy,"
injuring dozens and causing widespread panic at
the star-studded event. Mr. Pitt was walking
down the red carpet in front of Mann’s Chinese
Theater on Hollywood Boulevard when his bicep
unexpectedly exploded, sending reporters flying
through the air. Dozens of injured onlookers
were rushed to the hospital after the blast,
which law enforcement officials said was not
believed to be terrorism-related.
"At this time it is our understanding that his
left bicep acted alone," said LAPD spokesman
Charles Henckey. Mr. Pitt’s right bicep was
briefly questioned by the police and later
released, Mr. Henckey added.
The detonation of Mr. Pitt’s left bicep comes at
an awkward time for the actor, who had been
scheduled to make a promotional tour of Europe
and Asia in support of the "Troy" blockbuster.
"At a time when Brad should be talking about the
movie, all of the questions from the press are
going to be about why his bicep went kaboom,"
said veteran Hollywoood talent agent Buddy
Schlantz. "Still, there’s no such thing as bad
publicity."
A spokesman for Mr. Pitt said that the actor’s
left bicep was "doing great" after the blast, but
could take months to rebuild.
========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
My cousin was behind the bakery's cash register one morning
when a gunman burst in and demanded all the cash. As she
nervously handed over the money, she noticed the rolls of
coins in the back of the register. "Do you want the rolls
too?" she asked.
"No," said the robber, waving his gun. "Just the money."
-<>-
When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when
you grow up, you can marry any girl you please."
When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I
could not please any of them.
-<>-
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful
examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to
choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience.
He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down
his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his
throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after
the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes."
-<>-
A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery
store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind
him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming.
He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember
ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she
figured she had made a mistake and apologized.
"Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you,
I thought you were the father of one of my children," and
walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What is the
world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep
track of who fathers her children!"
Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he
thought, but MAYBE..during one of the fraternity parties he
had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father
her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the
parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party
in college and then we had a little too much to drink and
spent the night together but I never called you again after-
ward?"
"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your
son's Sunday School teacher."
-<>-
+-------------------+
| |\\| ,,-. .::. |
| | \|(( )) .:' |
| ``-' ::.. |
| NIGHT CLUB |
______....+-------------------+...
....------''''''' ______....LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.....
....------'''''''
| +--------------+ _______________
| | Tonite Only! | / \
| | ReMixer LIVE | /_________________\
| +--------------+ | | | | |
| | |______|______| |
|__________________________|/|_____[|]_____|\|________
|__________________________|/| | |\|________
| | |______|______| |
|__________________________|/ \|________MJP|
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/ | \
/ | \
/ |
As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to
entertain my customers. After several performances, I
discovered the drummer had walked away with some of my
valuables. I notified police, who arrested him.
Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew
some musicians. "What happened to the drummer you had?"
he asked me.
"I had him arrested," I replied.
My friend paused for a second and asked, "How badly did he
play?"
================================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit:
>From Linky&DInky:
HAVE YOU LOOKED the LORD in the EYE?
Da Vinci's Last Supper is now so close
it might as well be propped up against
your computer monitor.
http://www.haltadefinizione.com/en/cenacolo/look.asp
THROWING A BONE to OLD PEOPLE
A tour of the 60's that's sure to
to make them want to tell stories,
so be sure you're not around.
http://objflicks.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm
DID YOU SEE the 19 LATERAL PASSES
that led to a touchdown to
win the big game? (College, of course)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N4LW3pQpFo
HILLARYWEEN FRIGHTENING IMAGES
This woman is scary. (scroll down)
http://www.zombietime.com/really_truly_hillary_gallery/
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Meet You In Church
http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML3/MeetYouInChurch.html
Carolyn with/Sunday Morning
http://tinyurl.com/3afh3p
TexasBob w/MAYBE TOMORROW
http://texasbobsworld.com/maybe_tomorrow.htm
BibleStudy: Body-Soul-Spirit
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/bodysoulspirit.html
Sour Cream Recipes
http://www.daisybrand.com/
Diet Coke Garden Party
http://www.bhg.com/dietcoke
World Wide Raccoon Web
http://www.loomcom.com/raccoons/
Leaping Lizards Home Page
http://www.daygecko.com/
Non Smoker
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/60544.htm
Weird Animals
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011159.htm
Deep Tissue Massage
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011608.htm
Dog Dance
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011609.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet,
send a blank e-mail to
LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
=================================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited.
Imagination encircles the world. – Albert Einstein
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow
but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson
"President Bush was at a biodiesel plant in Richmond, Virginia
this week where he spoke out in favor of alternative fuels.
Bush said he's all for alternative fuels as long as they don't
try to get married." - Jay Leno
"I was in Las Vegas this past weekend. I saw a Drew Carey game
there. You know you've made it when there's a game named after
you. It was called 'The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.'"
-Craig Ferguson
"Yesterday, on '60 Minutes' French President Nicolas Sarkozy
got up and left in the middle of the interview. Citizens of
France say the president acted rudely — and they've never
been prouder." -Conan O'Brien
"My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to
go into the private world of real creeps without having
to smell them."
- Penn Jillette
"Life is a zoo in a jungle."
- Peter De Vries
"CNN is one of the participants in the war. I have a
fantasy where Ted Turner is elected president but
refuses because he doesn't want to give up power."
- Arthur C. Clarke
Start every day off with a smile and get it over
with. - W. C. Fields
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Service
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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