New Phone, Grandma Shoes, And On Reflection... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND For Google Plus Users:
You can find me here... Shangy Bigham
https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first hot new page is from our friends LouiseA And
Linda. This one is sure to give you some insights to
our animals that you may not have known before. Certainly
a most interesting page that you won't want to miss.
_
\'.
\ '-._...-
| _.-' .
\ / ' ' ..
/ \_ ooo ' . .
\ '-.__ o 'oo<. . '
\ '--._ ooooo. '
| '._ oo' 'o '
__\__ _ '. o o
( __ / \ o
'--'\ | | (o)\
\ \#/ |
\__ |::.
.:::\ '. /:::::.
:::::'._'-._____.':::::::
:::::: '----'':::::::::"
:::::::::::::::: M-K
World's Largest Animals
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/largestanimals.html
---
...I love this one! Thanks Ladies!
Our next two pages are tremendous! They come from combined
forwards from our friends Linda, LouiseA, PatDeE, and
Geniann. These are chock full of ooos, awws and smiles to
enrich your day. Please be sure to watch the video at the
bottom of these as well. Check them out here...
, /,
, /;/ |.-; _ _
/|/ /.'/.-',_ ( ).-=-.( )
_,/ ._- =-==. ./.='"'=.\.
=\ =: -|-. |=. .=|
`\_-; 0 _0 | |= 0 0 =|
( _) | /` .---. `\
`\ _______ / | `---' |
\ \ //' `\ '-----' /'
jgs \ \'--// `'-----'`
`-`"`'
Kids With Animals
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithanimals.html
(`'`'`'`')
| |
| |
(|-()()-|)
| (__) |
| |
|______|
/._/\/\_.\
/ , /\ \
; / \\|| __\ ;
.-""-. |-| './ \/|-|
.' \ \ | | | /
/ / |-()() '\___|____/`
; | | ()| |--LI--|
| `"` | | | |
| | | | | | |
; (_} ; | | |
'., __.' | | |
/ /| | | | |
jgs / / | | |__|___|
(__) (__) .----'=||='----.
`""""`" "`""""`
Kids With Animals 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithanimals2.html
---
...Oh my goodness! So adorably cute! I love these! Thank You
my friends!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
Two Priests Meet In Heaven
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our
computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week,
but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
.------._
The first priest says, "I've .-"""`-.<') `-._
always wanted to be an eagle, (.--. _ `._ `'---.__.-'
soaring above the Rocky ` `;'-.-' '- ._
Mountains." .--'`` '._ - ' .
`""'-. `---' ,
"So be it," says St. Peter, and `\
off flies the first priest. `\ .'
`'. '
The second priest mulls this over for jgs `'.
a moment and asks, "Will any of this week
'count', St. Peter ?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track
of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a
stud."
"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter
to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?"
He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over
the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove
to be more difficult."
"Why ?" asketh the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day, the first woman telephone operator
September 2 is VJ Day, WWII
September 3 is Skyscraper Day
September 4 is Newspaper Carrier Day
September 5 is Be Late for Something Day and Cheese Pizza Day
September 6 is Fight Procrastination Day and Read a Book Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
_.---._
_.-(_o___o_)
)_.'_ _'. That pizza taste a little
_.-( (_`---'_) )-._
.'_.-'-._`"""`_.-'-._'. green...
/` | __`"`__ | `\
| | .'` ^:^ `'. | |
)'-.// | \\.-'(
/ // | \\ \
\ |=======.=.=======| /
)`-| ( R ) |-'(
\ \======/-\'\======/ /
\,=( <_/;\_| )=,/
/ -\ | /- \
| (`-'\ | /'-`) |
\\_`\ '.__|__.' /`_//
/ / \ \
/ /` `\ \
/_,="( )"=,_\
)-_,="\ /"=,_-(
\ ( ) /
\ | | /
jgs )._ | | _.(
_.-' '/ \' '-._
(__,' .' '. ',__)
'--` `--'
>Genetically Modified Food
Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:
*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.
*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in
your Jell-O.
*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.
*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.
*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.
-<>-
>Lost Ball
A golfer is thrashing through the bushes, looking for a lost ball.
An old lady watches him as she sits on a nearby bench knitting.
After half an hour the golfer is just about to give up, when the old
lady says, "Excuse me. But is it against the rules if I tell you where
it is?"
-<>-
>New Phone
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time
she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had
given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone.
So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her
own private number and directory listing.
Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home
to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room
couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was
resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he
yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?"
"I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
-<>-
>Substitute Teacher
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a
new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead
against a locker.
I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"
Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer
moral support.
"Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?"
He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid
out of his locker."
-<>-
>Traffic Circle
Waiting my turn to enter a traffic circle (rotary intersection), I
noticed a guy drive around twice, then leave by the same road he'd
entered.
His vanity license plate read "GENIUS."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
__....._
.-"`` _.";
;-......-"` |
\ |
\ |
\ |
\ |_..._
\ __..--""` _.-'
_..--"" _..-"``-._.-----.
"---;--"" __ / \
( /__ __ ` | |
`/-\/--\ \ |
//`/ /`/ \ |
/\\_\_\/ ;\ /
____ / . '._.'
/` '.`"` _...._ | Some people have a
\___.' ,__ `\ | Hard time taking
\ /|` | ; No for an answer...
\ \ .' | | .
'.\___..-'.__/ | |
'. / _.-"|
|""--.._\ .'`-" |
| [_]_ _/
jgs \__..--""/ `""""`\
/ \
>SMILES
A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point -
he really never said too much.
One day, a saleswoman promoting Avon knocked his door and asked to see
his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home.
"Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more
than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him an asked, "May I
ask where your wife is?"
"She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming back?"
"I don't really know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now!"
--------
It was a difficult subject to bring up before his aged mother, but John
felt that he must.
"Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead
of what will happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about
when...you know...when... God forbid...you pass on?"
The mother didn't say anything; just sat there staring ahead.
"I mean, Mom, like...how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be
buried? Cremated?"
There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said,
"Surprise me."
--------
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at
the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-
year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor
walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning son."
"Good morning, pastor," replied the young man, focused on the plaque.
"Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service,"
replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large
plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,
"Which one, sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"
-------
A little boy didn't go to school one day. The next day when the teacher
asked him why, he said "Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to
the bull".
"How disgusting," said the teacher? "I'm sure your father could have
done that."
"No ma'am, he couldn't have. It has to be the bull"
--------
On September 26, 1985, in Springfield, Illinois, Red Skelton appeared
on stage at the convention center. He put in a full, exhausting two
hours of entertainment, then came on stage and announced that he was 76
years old. "But I expect to live many more years," Red announced,
"because I had a grandmother who lived to be 110."
The audience gasped and applauded, and Red Skelton held up his hand.
"Wait," he said, "you haven't heard it all. I said she lived to be
110. Then she died. But you didn't let me finish, we saved the baby!"
--------
A friend told an airhead: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The
airhead replied, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
--------
A man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry
hair, and I've just wet mine."
-------
An airhead goes to the vet with the pet goldfish. I think it's got
epilepsy," the airhead tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says,
"It seems calm enough to me." The airhead replies, "Wait, I haven't
taken it out of the bowl yet".
-------
An airhead spies a letter lying on the doormat. It says on the envelope
"DO NOT BEND" - spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to
pick it up.
-------
A man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the doctor.
"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
-------
A passerby asks an airhead: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards
off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be
in the boat."
-------
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search
ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve
a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever
believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by
nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and
a duck fell.
The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not
sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never
getting any more than his paws wet.
The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything
unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."
--------
A young man who was an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to
spare one afternoon. He figured that if he played very fast, he could
get in nine holes before he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee
and asked if he could accompany the young man.
Unable to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the
ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway, and the young man found himself
with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree directly between his
ball and the green.
After the young man spent several minutes debating how to hit the shot,
the old man said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball
right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard and hit
the ball, which smacked solidly into the tree and dropped to the ground
about one foot from where it had originally lain.
The old man remarked, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree
was only about three feet tall."
-------
A gentleman was standing in line at the airport check-in counter. By
his appearance you could tell he was very anxious. There were others in
line ahead of him who had also arrived late for the flight and they too
became anxious as they watched the door to the jet-way close. When he
realized what was happening and that the gate agent was going to have
to re-book some of the people in line, he jumped out of line to take
the matter into his own hands.
"Excuse me, Miss, but I need to get on this flight," he said.
She replied, "Yes, sir, so do the rest of the people who are in line in
front of you. Now kindly take your place back in line and we'll help
you when it is your turn."
He didn't like being put off and he thought being a little more
forceful would help. So he told her, "You see, if I don't get on that
flight, I'm going to miss my meeting. And if you make me miss my
meeting, I'm going to be very angry with you."
The agent calmly replied, "Sir, we'll help you when it's your turn."
Having had enough, the man, a vice president of this particular
airline, glared at her and growled, "Do you know who I am?"
Also, having had enough, the agent picked up the microphone and
announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please.
This gentleman at the desk does not seem to know who he is. If anyone
can identify him, we would all greatly appreciate your assistance."
Mr. Vice-president returned to his place in line.
-------
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on
emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, to the student
from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from
Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "How about the
opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
-------
_...._
.' '.
/ __ \
| .' \ /
\ | /.'
\ |
;.\ _
\_><_\
| `-._ _...__
| -"`` ``"-,
|, _. )
/ /``"'---"`|-'
/ | .-' '-;
| \ 6_) 6_)\
\ '. ) \ Oh, Mother, I wouldn't be
'. ,---' _.--.` / caught Dead in those!
'-.._\- `""`.'
`'-. .--'
.=========| |=========,
'. | | .'
jgs `-._ `-._| .-'
`-._ `_.-'
'-.-'
>Grandma Shoes
By Betty Cessna
When I was very little
All the Grandmas that I knew
All walked around this world
In ugly grandma shoes.
You know the ones I speak of;
those black clunky heeled kind.
They just looked so very awful
That it weighed upon my mind,
For I knew, when I grew old
I'd have to wear those shoes.
I'd think of that, from time to time;
It seemed like such bad news.
I never was a rebel.
I wore saddle shoes to school.
And next came ballerinas,
Then the sandals, pretty cool.
And then came spikes with pointed toes;
Then platforms, very tall.
As each new fashion came along,
I wore them, one and all.
But always, in the distance,
Looming in my future, there
Was that awful pair of ugly shoes;
The kind that Grandmas wear.
I eventually got married,
And then I became a Mom.
Our kids grew up and left,
And then their children came along.
I knew I was a Grandma,
And the time was drawing near,
When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes
Was what I'd have to wear.
How would I do my gardening
Or take my morning hike?
I couldn't even think about
How I would ride my bike!
But fashions kept evolving.
And one day I realized
That the shape of things to come
Was changing, right before my eyes.
And now, when I go shopping,
What I see, fills me with glee
For, in my jeans and Reeboks
I'm as comfy as can be.
And I look at all these teenage girls
And there, upon their feet,
Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes!
And they really think they're neat.
-------
>The Umbrella - Best Senior Moment I've heard!
Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent
interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester. There
were protesters at the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils
of America. I politely declined to take one. There was an elderly woman
behind me and a young (20ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet,
which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old
woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the
young lady said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in
France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in
Vietnam.
All three died so a B like you could have the right to stand here
and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this
umbrella where the sun don't shine and open it!"
God Bless America - I love getting old.
---
...LOL! Great ones! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
_ _
.'_'. .'_'.
| ( \ \___/ / ) |
'-.`' '`.-'
_)__ __(_
// .\\-//. \\
\\__// \\__//
|--' '--|
| |
; .. ;
\ __/ /
."`'.___.'`".
.'/_.';-'.'-;'._\'.
/ \\_// \
; '-' ;
| { } |
| { } |
| _ { } _ |
| } } |
| { ___ ____ _} |
|___{II____I_II_}___|
{II_} | | {III}
| | \|_|/ | |
\\\; | ;///
`| | |`
\ | |
jgs | - | - /
| | |
| | |
.--';-..._|_...-;'--.
( \\ _I_ // )
`"""""""` `"""""""`
>Jokes
I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have S
at 73. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too far
to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I
don't even have to cross the road!
Answering machine message, "I am not available right now, but thank you
for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call,
you are one of the changes."
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without
forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your
way around, you're not going anywhere.
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer
for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder
to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: "With hurricanes, tornadoes,
fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms
tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of
bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take
God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us.... go
ahead and delete this. For the rest of us... pass this on!
-<>-
.-""',.-"""-.
,_ .'.--. /_.---. `-.__.,
'\`'-' _ /___ `-._.-/
'-..-'_'` _ `'-._ _.;
.' /_ _ \` \
/ /(_9 (_9 . | \
; _/ ( \`-' /
`(_\ .===,` '.___.'
'. `""` _(_)
'-. .-'`
.====="""| |""======,
'. | | .'
jgs `-. |_.-' .-'
`-. ` _.-'
'-.-'
>On Reflection...
As we progress toward 2016, I want to thank you for your educational
e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little
chance of recovery.
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor
let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what
has happened on it since it was last washed.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the
floor of a public toilet.
I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope
that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so
a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven
different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me
for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me..
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a dime coin
dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a
molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!
Oh, and by the way...
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their
e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don’t bother taking it off now, it's too late.
P.S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told
by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet...
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY!
---
...LMAO! Oh So true! Thanks Geniann!
Oh, And our latest humdinger is...
_,,,,_
,########,
,##` `##,
## ## ## ##
/# (.)(.) #\
\# _) #/
#,######,#
##, ~~ ,##
'########'
jgs `######`
I no longer trust kissing a man with a beard because I was told
there is most likely fecal matter from toilet spray there!
==========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From The Tea Party
[VIDEO] Trump Calls Anthony Weiner a 'Perv' and
'SleazeBag'; Hillary Explodes
http://tinyurl.com/p4bop6z
---
...I could never understand why Hillary claimed she was for woman
when the role model she gave us woman was to stand with a man who
not only cheated on her, but openly and publicly shamed her. People
said she was strong. I thought she was weak and power hungry. She put
up with this ridicule only for money and power. A real woman would
have been strong and divorced her lying, cheating man using her own
strong self respect as a woman to allow herself to find a man who
truly appreciated, respected and loved her. Now it seems she hired
another woman who is walking in her foot steps and has the gall to
be upset with Trump for calling it like he sees it. It seems the woman
stayed with her scumbag man because that is what woman must do in her
religion.
Hillary can call Republicans all sorts of names - including Terrorists
but if a Republican actually says the truth about somebody on her side,
she gets offended. Whoopty doo! Total hypocrisy! Woman's rights? She's
a farce! All she cares about is money and power! That's why she wants
to be president - not to help the poor or the middle class or woman or
this country. She just wants back in a place of power. More power
equals more money. After all, she has 4 mansions to support!
-<>-
>From MRC
CBS, NBC Skip New E-Mails Revealing Bill Clinton Sought Approval for
Speech with African Dictators
On the Friday morning network newscasts, CBS This Morning and NBC’s
Today showed no interest in picking up on an ABC News report that
former President Bill Clinton sought approval from his wife’s State
Department for speeches that involved African dictators and North Korea
with the speaking fee for the former engagement worth $650,000.
http://email.mrc.org/q/17EQkmjuskac0Bup4jmkfC/wv
Networks Ignore Hillary's Holocaust-Invoking 'Boxcar' Blast at GOP
ABC, CBS, and NBC 's evening newscasts on Friday all failed to cover
Hillary Clinton's latest inflammatory attack on Republicans in which
she made a thinly-veiled comparison to the Holocaust: "I find it the
height of irony that a party, which espouses small government, would
want to unleash a massive law enforcement effort...to go and literally
pull people out of their homes and their workplaces, round them up, put
them...in buses, boxcars – in order to take them across our border."
http://email.mrc.org/q/17EQkmjuskac0Bup4jmkfC/wv
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Talk about your bad day. 25-year-old John Knight was
driving his Volvo station wagon down Church Street
through San Francisco's Noe Valley neighborhood at about
10:30 in the morning when he came across a strange scene.
A heavyset woman stood wrapped in a blanket, surrounded
by medical personnel.
Suddenly, the woman whipped the blanket off and threw
it at the medics, revealing that she was completely
naked, Knight said. Then she turned around and noticed
Knight, still stopped and now shocked behind the wheel,
about 50 feet away.
"She walks directly to me," he said. "She walks up the
hood of my car and she begins stomping on my windshield,
completely naked."
The woman, who Knight estimated to weigh about 250 pounds,
cracked his windshield with the first stomp. She got a
couple more in before plainclothes officers pulled her
off and hand-cuffed her as she screamed, Knight said.
Apparently the woman had stripped on a commuter train
earlier in the morning for no good reason, and it was
pure coincidence that Knight pulled up to that
intersection at that exact moment.
"They (the insurance company) didn't really know what
to make of it." Knight said.
-<>-
There has been a lot of racial tension in the country lately,
what with cops shooting minorities, minorities shooting cops,
psychotics shooting minorities, minorities shooting other
minorities, and rednecks harassing illegal aliens. People
have understandably been getting a little touchy.
But where does racism end and hypersensitivity begin? Let's
look at a recent case from Denver, Colorado.
A restaurant is defending its image after a customer received
a racially offensive message on her receipt.
"I grabbed the check and I'm looking at it, and that's the
first thing that caught my eye, and I was like 'whoa!'"
Beatriz Castorena said.
As she looked over her receipt, she noticed that below her
food were the words, "you f-ing Mexicans."
The woman and her husband flagged down their waitress to
show her what was written on their receipt.
"She grabbed it and she seen [saw] it and she was like, 'oh how
funny,'" Castorena recalled. "I was like, 'that's not funny.'"
The couple paid their bill and left the restaurant. The next
day Castorena said she returned to the restaurant for an
explanation and an apology.
The owner of the restaurant said he and his staff apologized
for what happened and refunded their meal.
Sure, it seems racist, but the fact is that Castorena and
her husband were in a Mexican restaurant, owned by a Mexican-
American and staffed by Mexican-Americans. The waitress,
the cooks, the dish-washers; all Mexican.
So the question: is it racist?
*-- Ohio pro-pot group's superhero mascot draws criticism --*
COLUMBUS, Ohio - An Ohio group supporting marijuana
legalization is under fire from critics who say the
group's new superhero mascot appeals to children.
ResponsibleOhio, a group supporting the state's Proposal
3 to legalize marijuana for adults over the age of 21,
recently unveiled the superhero mascot, dubbed Buddie,
with pictures on Facebook. Buddie features a green
marijuana bud for a head and a superhero suit complete
with a cape, six-pack abs, and a "B" logo over a picture
of a marijuana leaf. Nick Lashutka, president of the Ohio
Children's Hospital Association, accused the group of
marketing marijuana to children. "I have four kids and
if any of them were to see this, they would draw a
conclusion that it's OK," Lashutka told Cleveland.com.
Jen Detwiler, spokeswoman for rival group Ohioans Against
Marijuana Monopolies, said Buddie was a poor choice of
mascot. "ResponsibleOhio has placed a lot of emphasis
on the 21 and over piece of their amendment but then
comes out with a mascot styled after a superhero?"
Detwiler said. "It's a pretty shameless attempt to
entice young people." ResponsibleOhio spokeswoman
Faith Oltman said Buddie will only visit college
campuses as part of the group's "Green Rush Bus Tour"
to promote "Buddie's 21 and Up Club," a social media
campaign aiming to "engage millennial voters in the
process in a new, creative and exciting way."
*-- Woman chugs entire bottle of cognac at airport security --*
BEIJING - Police in Beijing said a woman who wasn't allowed
to bring a bottle of expensive cognac on a plane chugged
the entire bottle at airport security. Police said a woman
identified by the surname Zhao had the bottle of Remy Martin
XO Excellence cognac in her carry-on luggage Friday at
Beijing Capital International Airport when security workers
told her the item would not be allowed on the plane. Zhao
apparently decided to drink the entire bottle on the spot
rather than allow it to go to waste, and police officers
said they found her shouting and screaming on the floor at
her boarding gate, unable to stand on her own. The woman
was taken in a wheelchair to a room where she could rest
after the captain of her Wenzhou-bound flight decided not
to allow her on board, police said. Zhao, who police said
had purchased the liquor for about $200 during a trip to
the United States and was at the airport to transfer to a
domestic flight, woke up a few hours later and thanked
police for taking care of her. They said she was not
detained or charged with any crime.
*-- Boy, 12, trips and puts hole in $1.5 million painting --*
TAIPEI, Taiwan - Security cameras at a Taiwan art
exhibition captured the moment a 12-year-old tripped and
punched a hole in a $1.5 million Paolo Porpora oil
painting. Organizers of the "Face of Leonardo: Images of
a Genius" exhibition at Huashan 1914 Creative Park in
Taipei released footage of the beverage-holding boy
tripping next to the still life and putting his fist
through the bottom of the canvas before freezing in
apparent horror at his mistake. Sun Chi-hsuan, the
exhibit's organizer, said the boy's family will not be
charged for restoration costs and the $1.5 million
painting, titled "Flowers," was insured. "The painting's
bottom right is damaged," Sun told reporters. "The boy's
hand made contact with the artwork and left a hole the
size of a fist." A post on the exhibition's Facebook
page thanked restoration specialist Tsai Shun-jen for
helping to quickly restore the 350-year-old painting.
The post included photos of the experts working to repair
the canvas.
---
...That would be something my grandson would do :)
*-- Yellowstone visitor asks for bears to be trained for
tourists --*
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyo. - A disappointed visitor
to Yellowstone National Park left a note on a feedback
form asking rangers to train bears to hang out where they
can be seen. The note, shared on Reddit by a person who
purported to be a friend of an employee at a Yellowstone
lodge, was written on the bottom of a feedback form for
trouble with maintenance and housekeeping. The note reads:
"Our visit was wonderful but we never saw any bears.
Please train your bears to be where guests can see them.
This was an expensive trip to not get to see bears." A
Redditor commenting on the post said the note reminded
them of a quote from a Yellowstone park ranger: "There
is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the
smartest bears and the stupidest tourists."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
.-. .-.
(/^\) (/^\)
(\ /) )\ /(
.-'-. (.-'-.)
/(_,_)\ /\_ _/\
\\) (// \\)_(//
/ \ /---\
| | | |
|___| |_|_|
/|\ | | |
\|/ |_|_|
jgs /Y\ /Y\
>Two Woman Talking...
"My son? The poor, poor lad! What an unfortunate marriage
He married a girl who won't do a stitch of work in the
House. She won't cook, she won't sew, she won't wash or
Clean. All she does is sleep and loaf and read in bed.
The poor boy even has to bring her breakfast in bed, would
You believe it?"
"That's really awful. And what about your daughter?"
"Ah, now she's the lucky one! She married an angel. He
Won't let her do anything in the house. He does the
Cooking and sewing and washing and cleaning. And each
Morning he brings her breakfast in bed, would you believe
It? All she does is sleep for as long as she wishes and
Spends the rest of the day relaxing and reading in bed."
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Bunni!
==========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Cloie :)
.:. .:. .:.
_oOoOo _oOoOo oOoOo_
[_||||| [_||||| |||||_]
||||| ||||| |||||
jgs ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
>Bring Potato Chips
Take 60 seconds to read this story. It will give you time to settle
your brain, gather your thoughts, calm down and finish your week
off on a positive note.
Potato Chips
A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where
God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a
six-pack of root beer and started his journey.
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting
in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him
and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root
beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him
some chips. He gratefully accepted It and smiled at him.
His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he
offered him a root beer. Again, he smiled at him. The boy was
delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they
never said a word...
As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up
to leave; But before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned
around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. He gave him his
biggest smile ever...
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his
mother was Surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him,
"What did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could
respond, he added, "You know what? He's got the most beautiful smile
I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home.
His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked,
"dad, what did you do today That made you so happy?"
He replied "I ate potato chips in the park with God." However, before
his son responded, he added, "You know, he's much younger than I
expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, An honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to Turn a life around. People come
into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime!
Embrace all equally!
Have lunch with God.......bring chips.
Send this to people who have touched your life in a special way. Let
them know how Important they are. I did!!!!
God still sits on the throne. You may be going through a tough time
right now but God Is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He
can. Keep the faith!
---
...A nice classic story! Thanks Cloie!
-<>-
___
.' `'.
/ _ |
#__/ \--/ \
(, \'/ \\'/ .----.
| -' | /| '--.
\ '= / || ]| `-.
/`-.__.' || ]| ::|
.-'`-.__ \__ || ]| ::|
/ `` `. || ]| ::|
_ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-'
/ \| \ | \ L.__ .--'(
| |\ `. | \ ,---|_ \---------,
| | '. './\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /|
| \ '. '.'. /`\/ .-' '. / |
| | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ |
| /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) |
\ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( |
| | / `---` `===' / ) |
/ \ / / ( |
| '------. |'--------------------'| ) |
\ `-| | / |
`--...,______| | ( |
| | | | ) ,|
| | | | ( /||
| | | | )/ `"
/ \ | | (/
jgs .' /I\ '.| | /)
.-'_.'/ \'. | | /
``` `"""` `| .-------------------.||
`"` `"`
>Computers!
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'
In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating :
If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this
part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash......Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have
to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,
shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run
on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation'
warning light.
I love the next one!!!
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
_ /|| . . ||\ _
( } \||D ' ' ' C||/ { %
| /\__,=_[_] ' . . ' [_]_=,__/\ |
|_\_ |----| |----| _/_|
| |/ | | | | \| |
jgs | /_ | | | | _\ |
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate
in the same manner as the old car.
---
...My fav!
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.
PS - I 'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call
'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some
foreign accent how to fix your car yourself!
Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate -
their computer!
---
...LOL! A great classic! Thanks Cloie!
==================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
__________
_.='"----.._ `""--.._
_.'.-'\\ () \``""-.`"-. __
_.'/ '--' '-----[] .-'.-' .-' `'-'` /
_..--""``` _, _, _, _, _ LI [__] \
.' .-'''-. / // // // / [_] .-'''-. #### '-.
/ / _ \ '-, / '-, / .----. / _ \ Valvoline\
| | (_) | /_/ /_/ '----'|| (_) | ____..'
'--'\ / '===================' \ /'=='
jgs `-...-` `-...-'
>Something for all car! guys to note.........
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One
evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for
an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long
period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking,
now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time
out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling
all your cars along with your gun collection.
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's
wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED
BEFORE!!!!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't.........."
---
...LOL! Uh-Huh! Thanks Linda!
================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
,
__ _.-"` `'-.
/||\'._ __{}_(
|||| |'--.__\
| L.( ^_\^
\ .-' | _ |
| | )\___/
| \-'`:._]
jgs \__/; '-.
A police officer called the station on his radio.
"I have a bit of a problem here. An old lady just shot her
husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"What's the problem?" came the response. "Have you arrested
the woman yet?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
-<>-
I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I
called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to
pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was
carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other,
which I assumed was my tip.
To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the
check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.
"Could that have been a tip?" I asked, trying not to sound
accusatory.
"Yep," he replied proudly. "not bad for just a walk from the
living room and back!"
-<>-
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a
little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out
of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple
syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the
air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to
sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in
the way.
So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....MOLASSES!"
-<>-
A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, "Handy
man wanted; apply within."
So he does and speaks to the foreman.
"Can you drive a Bobcat?" the foreman asks.
"No."
"Can you plaster?"
"No."
"Have you ever done any carpentry?"
"No."
"If you don't mind me asking," says the foreman, "what's so
handy about you?"
"Well, I only live about five minutes down the road..."
-<>-
,---,_ ,
_> `'-. .--'/
.--'` ._ `/ <_
>,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-.
.-' .'` `'. '.
> / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\
/ ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._>
`> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ /
`.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|`
jgs \; \ ;/
\ .-, )-. /
/` .'-'. `\
;_.-`.___.'-.;
The best illustration of the value of brief speech was given
by Mark Twain.
His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to
the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was going
to contribute fifty dollars... after ten minutes more of the
sermon, he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution
to twenty-five dollars...after a half hour more of eloquence,
he cut the sum to five dollars.
At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed,
he stole two dollars.
-<>-
At the end of my factory shift, I was asked to purchase some
supplies. The machines' conveyor belts needed talcum powder
to prevent them from sticking, and we had run out of aspirin
for workers with noise-induced tension headaches.
I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with
four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin. As
the man behind me in the checkout line peered at my purchases,
he laughed and exclaimed, "Must be one heck of a kid!"
-<>-
My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain
or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an
indication that the honeymoon is over.
I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself
from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on
a crossbeam.
Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I
cut one hand replacing the fan belt.
On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and
twisted my ankle.
When I limped into the kitchen, covered in dust and blood,
my wife took one look and said, "Those better not be your
good pants!"
-<>-
>Physics 101
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:
Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less
filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale
University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
=========================================================
>-->From Laugh And Lift:
>Quick Jokes
_ __
/ \Y \
__/______\__
`~~// 6 6\~~`
C 7 |
\ '='/
\__/
/\ |\
.-`\_\_//\
/-. `|o |\ __
| | | | \ |\/ /
| | |o | \ /`\_/
| | | | Y /
| | |o |\ /
\ \ | | `--'
\ \__|o_|
`\ /I=[]=|
|`/ ) |
\ : | |
|: | |
|: | |
|: ) )
\'.|, |
|: || |
|: || |
|: || |
|:_||_|
|===|==|
| | |
jgs |& \ \
*( , `'-.'-.
`"`"""""`""`
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter-viewing a
prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the
student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much
impressed.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
--------
My daughter's 5th-grade class had been studying astronomy. One morning
at breakfast she announced, "On Friday we're having a quiz on the moon."
That's when her little brother piped up, saying, "Are you gonna let her
go, Mom?"
--------
I hadn't recorded a greeting yet on my new answering machine, so when
my mother came to visit, I asked her to tape one.
"This is Marcia's mother," my machine announced. "Marcia is an only
child; she never writes, she never calls. So why not give me a buzz?
I'd be happy to talk to you. My number is..."
Everyone called my mother. She loved the attention.
-------
My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he
was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed.
Wanting to find out what was the matter his mother asked, "Chris, what
happened today to upset you so?"
He answered, "It's not fair that I'm not allowed to go to the library."
His mother became very concerned and asked, "Why aren't you allowed to
go to the library?"
With a tearful reply he said, "Because, in order to go to the library
you have to have "supervision", and I wear glasses!"
--------
Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors. His mother suggested to
his father that they buy him a bike for his birthday.
"Do you really believe that'll help improve his behavior?" he said,
surprised.
"Well, no," she admitted, "But it'll spread it over a wider area."
--------
Our neighbor loaned my husband his old chain saw to trim some tree
branches. Unfortunately, the engine burned out while my husband was
using it. Not wanting to return a broken piece of equipment, he bought
a new saw to replace it.
When I offered it to our neighbor, he thanked me but said, "Keep it.
I'll borrow it when I need it."
I was turning away when his eyes lit up. "Hey," he asked, "want to
borrow my car?"
--------
Who says today's kids aren't smart? At a high school in Montana a group
of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let 3 goats loose
in the school. Before they let them go they painted numbers on the
sides of the goats..1-2-4.
Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.
--------
,
.---. _//
//\_/\\ \_\
|/ 0_0 \| /
| ,___, | /
\\___// /
`"|"` .'
.--'/'--'
/ |
| |
| |
.-'\ |
`"""` \
,---.\
\ \
\ \
\ \
.-\ \
/_.' |
/\
jgs \ \
`"
>UNOFFICIAL STATE MOTTOS
Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona:
But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California:
As Seen on TV
Colorado:
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware:
We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water
Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia:
We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist
Hawaii:
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho:
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois:
Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana:
6 Thousand Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa:
We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas:
First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky:
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana:
We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine:
We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland:
A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts:
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan:
First Line of Defense Against the Canadians
Minnesota:
10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi:
Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri:
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana:
Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies,
and Very Little Else
Nebraska:
Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada:
One Word: Sin!
New Hampshire:
Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey:
You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico:
Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...
North Carolina:
Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota:
We Really are One of the 50 States!
Ohio:
We Wish We Were In Florida
Oklahoma:
Like the Play, only No Singing
Oregon:
Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania:
Cook With Coal
Rhode Island:
We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina:
Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota:
Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee:
The Educashun State
Texas:
Si' Hablo Ing'les
(Yes, I speak English)
Utah:
We Think Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont:
Yep
Virginia:
Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington:
Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Washington, D.C.:
Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia:
One Big Happy Family - Really!
Wisconsin:
Come Cut Our Cheese
Wyoming:
Where men are men and sheep are nervous.
--------
,@@@@@@@,
,######## @@@@@@@@@@,
### _ _\ /_ _ `@@@@
#C' _\ /_ ?@@@
\( _ \ /_ )@@@
\'--, ___) (__ ,-;@@@@,
jgs \ \ / (@@@@@
>TOP REASONS EVE WAS CREATED
(Warning to all guys: This one does not make us look good...:) )
9. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden
because he would not ask for directions.
8. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand
him the TV remote.
7. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf
when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
6. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist
or haircut appointment for himself.
5. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to
put the garbage on the curb.
4. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be
able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
3. As Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his
tools.
2. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God
caught him hiding in the garden.
1. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!
SUBSCRIBE INFO
Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in
an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all
about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Let's Dance!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html
Inspiring Seniors!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inspiringseniors.html
Beautiful Grand Canyon!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grandcanyon.html
Famous People!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/famous.html
Final Toast!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/finaltoast.html
Life Is...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis.html
Pretty Bugs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bugs.html
Extreme Homes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html
Colorful Birds 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds2.html
Fairy Tale Homes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fairytale.html
Beautiful Flowers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bflowers.html
Festival Of Citrus!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orangefest.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Mom Gets Nothing Done
http://biggeekdad.com/2015/02/mom-getting-nothing-done/
Chick-fil-a Drive-Thru: Sling Blade Style
A Chick-fil-A Employee Tried To Hold It Together When This
Goofy Dad Gave His Drive-Thru Order
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh8MVmCFVhk
Flash Mob
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cKE8pyfcZc
In 1969 He Said *THIS* About God And America. 46 Years Later?
My Jaw DROPPED!
http://tinyurl.com/ospfh6u
---
...so much fun! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
When 18-year old Harrison Craig starts to sing, you struggle to believe
that he has spent his entire life suffering from an extreme stutter. I,
for one, was completely blown away by the softness in his voice and by
his incredible performance in this talent show, and the judges of the
show agreed too. There is a lovely, emotional moment around four
minutes into the video. At this point, the camera shows a glimpse of
his family's reaction backstage, where Harrison's brother has been
moved to tears...and, I must confess, seeing him perform like this had
me welling up too. To see someone like Harrison share his talent with
the world - despite the challenges that he has had to face - is truly
inspiring!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kgflbGzlCeY
Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch is one of the best loved comedy
sketches of all time. Written by John Cleese and the late Graham
Chapman, it features their trademark ability to create hilarious comedy
from frustrating situations. The Monty Python team have performed many
versions of this famous skit over the years, but the original is always
best! It's a real treat for any fan of great comedy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=npjOSLCR2hE
Acrobatics is all about balance, concentration and trust. Not to
mention the long hours of practice one needs to get everything
perfectly timed and fine-tuned. During their exquisite performance,
these three male acrobats managed to pull off a fantastic show as part
of a cabaret, leaving the audience astounded by their flawless balance
and excellent teamwork.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4Hi-VtkX1Fg
This fisherman will be telling stories about the big one that got away
for the rest of his life. He made a perfect cast, but the drone was
able to fly back to its owner. He had a heck of a time untangling the
fishing line from the rotor, though! Watch this guy hook a drone out of
mid-air with a great cast.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrzU-MMBGIM&feature=player_embedded
---
...Love these! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Karen :)
Funny! ObamaCare - "Take Ten Pills and You're Fine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U1ShwjleSE
---
...LMAO! Too rich! Thanks Karen!
-<>-
>From our friend Bunni :)
PEOPLE ARE AWESOME (DON'S VERSION)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEu42L0ufBY&feature=player_embedded
Cats!
http://www.flixxy.com/cats-who-love-vacuum-cleaners.htm
Dancing Dog Goes Crazy When It Spots Owner
http://tinyurl.com/oapebgd
He Touched Me
http://www.alighthouse.com/videohetouchedme.html
---
...Sweet! Thanks Bunni!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Today is national dog day. Dogs, as you're probably aware,
were widely considered to be man's best friend, until 2007
when the iPhone was invented to replace it." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study claims that first grade students are getting
three times more homework than they should be doing. This
is coming from the lead researcher, 'Timmy.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia
are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should
help you finally get some sleep." -Seth Meyers
"On the new season of 'Sesame Street,' Cookie Monster will
do a segment where he urges kids to eat healthy. The segment
ends with Cookie Monster looking off-camera and asking, 'Now
you let Cookie Monster's wife and kids go?'" -Conan O'Brien
"A man was arrested at Denver International Airport yesterday
for running onto the tarmac to try and stop a plane after he
missed his flight on the way to his high school reunion. He
was heard screaming after the plane, 'But I lost all the
weight!'" -Seth Meyers
"The federal government has a new plan that will let people
send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you
try to text, 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects
to, 'Burger, please. Hungry.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over.
Don't worry, kids. School will end eventually and then
you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work,
and it only ends when you get old and die." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A company is developing an elevator that can take you into
space. Don't you hate it when you're going to Jupiter and
someone gets on the elevator and presses 'Mars'?"
-Conan O'Brien
"A New Jersey restaurant is offering a special menu this
month that doesn't list prices, but instead asks customers
to pay what they think is fair. According to the sign in
he window, the restaurant is called 'This Space for Rent.'"
-Seth Meyers
"According to a new survey, about half of the world thinks
kissing is gross. That half is known as 'married people.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"A man set a new world record after kicking himself in the
head 134 times in one minute. He broke the previous record
of zero." -Conan O'Brien
"A winery in France is currently facing a rose shortage.
For those of you not familiar with these terms, a winery
is a group of women who have run out of rose." -Seth Meyers
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
************************************************************************
>TO SUBSCRIBE:
Visit Here
This Weeks regular Shangy emails
OR
For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
************************************************************************